You hear that... It's subtle... But it's a little thing called pacing. :)

Gotta say, the story looks much better now. The pacing is more sensical in how it is placed, and you can tell the sorta doctor-patient relationship Cameron initially holds with Umbra.

You, sir, have now earned my full attention!

(Also, I was looking over your profile and caught a certain something of mine on your page. Heh, didn't know you were a fan. )

Huh.....Much better. Still loved it XD

While I thought the first version of this chapter was good, this was an improvement, particularly showing Cam's relationship with Cadance and Shining. I will make one note, I would have written Umbra's dialogue more old-fashioned, like how Luna speaks, seeing as she is as old. But then again, that's more of a creative decision than canon.

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I'm glad you enjoyed my edited version
I'm going to do my best to continue this trend for the next chapter.
There's warm and fuzzy stuff ahead. Everyone knows I'm the best at writing that.

I like this story so far, I request another chapter soon please!

Your pacing is a mile a second, slow the hell down. This is an interesting premise but everything happening so quickly is ruining it.

5995000 Umbra is too much of a personality shift. Demonic possession is a convenient excuse. I kind of want to see her being all haughty and abrasive, like a female verson of Rainbowbob's Feeling Pinkie Mean.