Holding it Down
I felt like I was on top of the world, like I was capable of anything. My body felt more alive than it had since, well, since Parasol broke up with me. Being with Velvet in an intimate way—sans the actual intimacy part, of course—reminded me what it was like to feel pleasure.
Once the literal heat of the moment died down, however, I was filled with sudden dread. All the spine-tingling sensations vanished, leaving behind a hollowness that echoed a single question: what had I done?
I'd thought with the wrong head, that's what. Typical stallion, I cursed mentally.
From around the corner, I could hear the shower running. I blinked and looked at the empty space beside me; when had Velvet left? Had I just been sitting here, lost in my own mind? Obviously, the answer was yes, but nopony wants to believe they can be that oblivious to the world around them.
But, the plus side of her being out of the room meant that I could puzzle through the pros and cons of my current predicament.
Pro: I had just slept with Velvet Step, and it was amazing.
Con: I had just slept with somepony I wasn't romantically involved with.
Pro: She insisted that she wasn't interested in me, either, so it wasn't like I was leading her on.
Con: I had agreed to get her pregnant, and that was kind of a big deal.
Pro: I didn't have to take care of the foal—?
That was where my mind ground to a halt. The idea of there being a foal with my blood in her veins that I didn't raise, that didn't know I was her father. Was I really okay with that? I wanted foals of my own someday, but I wanted them with a loving wife.
The sound of water hitting porcelain grew louder and I knew Velvet had moved out from under the spray. Her voice hollered from the bathroom, "Are you going to shower or should I just turn it off?"
"One second," I called back with a small squeak to my voice. I still needed time to think. Was I okay with being an absent father, with a foal of mine never knowing who I was?
My legs felt wobbly and weak as I slipped off the bed and made my way to the bathroom. Velvet had already stepped onto the bath mat and was drying her mane with a towel, though she paused to look up at me. I saw apprehension in her eyes and so I took the opportunity.
"So, uh, about what just happened," I started, then stopped when the look she had turned to panic.
She asked in a voice that sounded as fragile as I felt, "What about it?"
I released a sigh through clenched teeth and pushed past her to step into the shower. With the curtain between us and hot water massaging my back, I could think a little more clearly. "I'm not going to go back on my word, I just, can we talk a little more about it?"
The shadowy silhouette of Velvet's form shifted behind the curtain as she leaned against the wall. "Okay."
"I guess my first question is: is this why you let me stay here in the first place?" I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to get it under the spray.
She sighed. "Yes."
I felt a little betrayed by that, and my immediate thought fell out before I could filter it. "So this whole time has just been about using me for what you want?"
The curtain snapped back, startling me into looking over at Velvet's serious expression. "Look, you're my friend, okay? You seemed like somepony that this might work out with, but if it isn't what you want, then just say so."
It was hard to stay bitter when she was staring at me with such conviction. "I—" I swallowed around a lump in my throat. "I told you I won't go back on my word."
Velvet's ears folded back against her mane. "Technically, you didn't give me your word. You didn't promise me anything. I put you in an impossible situation." Her hoof withdrew and the curtain separated us once again. "You pushed me away when I tried to make a move on you, sure. But then I made the offer too soon right after that. I should have let you cool off first. So, okay, you can back out."
All I could do was groan and rub at my temple with one hoof. "Can I think about it a little while longer? I'm not saying I want to back out, I just—I just want to think it over without the smell of sex in the air."
She barked a laugh at that and her shadow softened as she moved away. "Sure. That's fine."
I still had so many questions, but I didn't think Velvet was the right pony to ask them. I needed somepony else's perspective, but who could I talk to? I didn't know very many ponies in Canterlot, and I sure as hay wasn't visiting Ponyville for this.
After I finished my shower, I dried off and snuck out of the condo like I was doing some sort of walk of shame. I lived there! And, yet, right then, I felt like a stranger in my own coat. No-strings-attached sex, friends-with-benefits roommate, future absentee father? These were not things that were normal for me.
There was only one place in Canterlot that felt safe and normal—Sunridge Sweets. Sunbeam and Pepper Ridge were two of the nicest ponies I'd ever met, and they always had work for me to do. Bussing tables and helping them out would give me time to clear my head so I could really think things through.
The happy little chime of the bell above the door already put my mind at ease. Pepper was behind the counter like always, his expression the very essence of calm and collected.
"Well, good morning, Silver," he said, waving a hoof as I approached. "Did you have breakfast? I just baked some cranberry muffins." He winked. "Red's going through a phase."
A smile tugged at my lips at the mention of that cute little guy. "Aww, I thought he was into banana nut muffins just last week?"
Sunbeam scoffed from the doorway to the kitchen. "If you ever have a foal, then listen to me, silverbell: their attention span is much shorter than a week."
And just like that, my mind was a whirlwind again. There was an assumption there that if one had a foal, then one raised the foal. What Velvet wanted from me was wrong, then, wasn't it?
Pepper's eyes became filled with concern. He's always had a knack for picking up on things like fear and uncertainty, and I was full of both.
"Sugarbeam," he said, giving his wife a casual smile, "could you mind the counter for a moment? I have some stallion stuff to talk to Silver about."
Sunbeam raised her brow and her lips pursed into a fine line while her gaze travelled over my face. She was judging me right then and there, as if Pepper was going to invite me into the family and she had only a moment to decide how she felt. Finally, she shrugged and trotted over behind the register. "Sure thing!"
As Pepper walked past me, he gave a bob of his head in silent demand that I followed. What was it with Velvet's family and being able to lead me around without a word?
Pepper took me to a little green space not far from the bakery and sat down on a bench, patting the spot next to him. I sat down with a little harder of a drop than I intended, but my heart was pounding all the way to my ears.
"So, Velvet made her move?" he asked, his gaze focused on the clouds overhead.
"Move?" I squeaked. "What move?"
A sigh slipped past his lips. "I know my daughter. She wants a foal, and the adoption process is too slow for her. She asked you to live with her and you haven't been run off." He glanced at me with a calm smile. "It doesn't take a lot of thinking to put two and two together."
I couldn't meet his gaze. I'd slept with his daughter! And he knew it! How could this get any more awkward?
He waited a while longer before sighing again. "Silver, it's fine. I don't need the details—please spare me those, thank you. But I know that she's put you in a, well, abnormal position."
"What do I do?" I blurted out, clasping my forehooves together and squeezing tight. "I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't want to say no, but is saying yes the right thing to do?"
Pepper hummed in a moment of thought. "Why does there have to be a right or a wrong? I think this is a situation of many shades of grey. Of course, I'm biased." He chuckled. "I want my daughter to be happy, but I also don't want her to hurt somepony in the process."
There was a small inhale of air and I saw his gaze dart to the side. I knew that face. Ponies made it when they were stopping themselves from saying 'again'.
I sucked in a breath and pressed, "What happened before?"
His eyes widened and he burst into an awkward laugh. "Oh, well! Before? Hmm, what do you mean, before?" He looked back up at the sky. "Before what?"
"I don't know, because there's a lot about her I don't know." I started to find strength in having the advantage for the moment when Pepper gave an uncomfortable squirm. "She told me that somepony fell in love with her once, and it ended badly. What happened? Why is she so desperate to have a foal? Why now, and not later? She has a great career. Why give that up?"
Pepper raised a plaintive hoof. "Okay!" The hoof moved to run through his mane. "Okay, you have some valid questions. Some of them, I think, you should ask Velvet herself." His nose scrunched up and he shook his head. "But I will tell you something she probably won't out of pride and stubbornness."
I turned on the bench to face him completely and nodded to implore him to continue.
"You see, I come from a family of bakers. Sunbeam comes from a fairly normal, average family. Househusbands and housewives with an office-worker spouse. Velvet getting her cutie mark as a ballerina came as a huge surprise, so we researched ballet to try to prepare ourselves for her future. What we learned scared us."
My brow furrowed. "Scared you?"
"Very much," he replied, nodding with a solemn frown. "Ballerinas are so prone to injury. Velvet's always been healthy and she takes great care of herself, but accidents happen. And there is so much pressure on them. 'The show must go on' and all that. Last year—" His lips twitched, as if reliving whatever he was able to tell me.
"Last year?" I prompted after a pause of silence between us.
He blinked out of his fugue. "Not even a full eight months ago, she hurt herself on stage. Twisted her knee and tore the muscle. I don't know the name of it, but it wasn't good, that's for sure. And she made it all the worse by pretending she was fine, continuing to dance until the performance was over."
Eight months ago? That was when I was in Saddle Arabia—with Crystal Wishes. My ears drooped as I realized that meant Crystal hadn't been there for Velvet when she likely needed her most. I couldn't imagine how that must have felt: lying in the hospital with her best and closest friend overseas and totally unaware.
"But I think," he continued, unaware of my little inner monologue, "the worst of it wasn't the injury itself. Before, she seemed to accept that adopting a foal would take time. Then she started to get, well, manic about it. That injury changed something in her."
He shook his head and looked at me with a sad smile. "My daughter's scared of change, of the unknown, of loss. We all are, but for some reason, she is more than others. I think she's afraid that if she keeps waiting and waiting for a foal, she might injure herself again in the meantime. And next time, it might be permanent."
Slowly, I nodded, running through the facts again in my head. "Most of that makes sense, except—well, even if she got hurt again, she could still be a mother. I mean, you're not talking about her dying on stage... right?"
"No, no, certainly not!" He gave a soft huff of a laugh. "But say she can't walk on one of her legs, can't play with her foal in the park, can't chase after her in a game of tag. Say she gets seized up with pain and has to stay in bed instead of spending time with her foal. If I know her, these are the kind of fears she's got running through her mind." His lips quirked. "No pun intended."
I didn't have the mental capacity to laugh at the pun. I was feeling bad for Velvet. Was pity enough of a reason to give up my foal? My jaw clenched and I looked over at Pepper again, hoping to find an answer in his face. Though his expression was soft, it wasn't helpful.
"What do you think?" I asked in a voice that was surprisingly weak. "What would you do?"
Okay, I hadn't thought that question through, and I immediately regretted it when his nose scrunched up. "Well, ignoring the fact she's my daughter—"
"Sorry," I squeaked.
"—and looking at the situation solely as a stallion, well, I don't know. I'm a family stallion now, but when I was young? Before I met Sunbeam?" He shrugged. "I didn't date much, but that wasn't for lack of trying. I'd like to think I'd have been against the idea of it ethically, but when you're actually faced with an attractive mare making an offer like that, it's not the same.
"What I do know is that Velvet is determined, she was a great caretaker for Red, and she has our support no matter what path she takes. I know that she wouldn't be the only single parent in Equestria. And I know that I'd be happy to call you my son-in-law, but I also know that won't happen. Velvet just isn't that way."
He reached out and clapped a hoof to my shoulder before standing up. "If it helps, you can say no and it won't mean the end of the world. You don't have to do this. Just make sure that if you do, you're serious, because this won't be something you can change your mind on later."
"Yeah," I said, remaining where I was on the bench. He bobbed his head in acknowledgement of my desire to stay. "Thanks, Pepper. This helped."
The smile he gave me was, finally, comforting. It told me that I couldn't be wrong. That my decision was mine to make, and nopony else's. I really appreciated it, so I smiled back. He trotted back to the bakery, and I closed my eyes to focus on my thoughts.
Velvet was trusting me with something deeply personal to her. She was afraid, and that wasn't a word that came to mind when thinking of Velvet Step the graceful ballerina or Velvet Step the sexy clubber. Confidence was her mask, and I was being shown what was behind that: a mare who wanted to be a mother so badly that she was afraid.
She was willing to give up not just her career, but the life she was accustomed to just to have a foal. That was a level of dedication that I really admired.
My hooves twitched and, suddenly, I was standing. In my heart, I had already known I wasn't going to back out. Even if I hadn't made a verbal promise, I'd agreed by sleeping with her. But now I had certainty that I'd made the right decision for me.
The walk to the condo was much better than the walk from it. Indecision had guided me before; now I was leading with determination. I flung the door open and announced, "Velvet Step! I've made a decision!"
Velvet looked up with wide, startled eyes. She slowly lowered the book she had been reading to the floor beside her sitting pillow, then folded her hooves in her lap. "Um, okay."
"I stand by my word."
She waited for more, then blinked with realization. "You mean—"
"Yeah." I closed the door behind me, momentarily flushed with embarrassment at having left it open so the whole hall could hear me. "This definitely isn't how I imagined my life going, but I'm okay with it. If you want a foal, then that's what I'll do."
There was a glimmer in Velvet's eyes, something between relief and joy. Her voice, of course, belied none of this. "That's great news, then!" The grin that her lips were usually cocked into found its way onto her muzzle. "I mean, what if you got me pregnant last night and you decided to back out now? That'd be super awkward."
I'm not a psychologist, but I know that Velvet Step covers up her emotions with humor. And even then, I knew how happy she was to realize her wish was coming true. With a smile, I crossed the room and took her in my forehooves.
"Silver! What are you doing?" she sputtered, half laughing, half pulling away from me.
"Showing you how to be happy like a normal pony!" I squeezed her to my chest. Reluctantly, she returned the hug, and we remained like that for a while. "Hey, just promise me one thing?"
Her body tensed in my embrace. "What?"
I put my lips to her ears and whispered, "Promise me you'll be a little less amazing in bed so my future marefriend stands a chance."
Velvet slapped a hoof against my back and laughed, fully and wholly this time. "Okay, but only a little." She pulled back to wink up at me. "I have a reputation to maintain, you know."
I knew. I also knew that she was, behind that grinning reputation, actually really sweet and kind of fragile. I could only imagine how she felt when her knee had twisted. Not just the physical pain, but the fear that must have welled up inside her as she continued dancing.
This was the least I could do for her. The least I would do for her. And once my part of the deal was done, I'd move on and start looking for my future marefriend. Surely by then I'd be ready. That was my hope, anyway.
How naïve I was to think anything is that easy.
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So, how long until Silver confronts the other half of his concerns? He's still glossing over the whole absentee father issue which I can tell is going to be a major one.
Can you at least give us a timeframe for that confrontation? I'm finding myself dreading the heartache it is going to cause and am looking forward to the next chapters few chapters with some trepidation.
Also, double first?
Double first!
I do hope that Velvet at least makes sure she keeps a current address for him, if/when her child becomes curious about their father.
From other stories, we know that Silver and Velvet don't ever get married, and probably don't live together in the future either.
We know he wasn't at Red's birthday party when Silent Knight comes back from the war.
But, not gonna lie, there is a not-very-small part of me that really hopes that Silver Script is a part of little Velour's life.
What, you wanna know what those spoiler tags are for? Read something! Like more of Crystal's other stories.
I mean, you should totally read mine too — it would make Crystal happy if you did, and you want Crystal to be happy, don't you? — but read hers, definitely!
What would I do?
I don't know either.
See, I think I'm in the same kind of boat as Silver; if I had a kid, I always imagined that that would be a commitment. A major one. So I would have to be sure of myself. And then to end up in this situation, where I'd specifically have to toss the commitment?
I don't know.
I suspect my response - and I'm wondering about Silver trying this as well - would be to subtly try "fixing" Velvet over time to be more open to some amount of companionship. I - and he - understand that Velvet is never going to go all-in (even if I still don't comprehend exactly why, since she wants so much companionship), but some kind of interaction - friends who foal-sit, at least - would be infinitely better than a complete cut off. That commitment ideal may just be too ingrained into my (our?) personality.
I'm sure Velvet will do what is right regarding to telling Velour things if he ask's when Older, she is a very decent mare despite the demeanor.
Did Velvet even tell Crystal that she was in the hospital? I don't think she did.
Judging by Crystal's story, it doesn't seem like Silver is in Velour's life at all. Makes sense, of course, it's not like Velvet's gonna suddenly change and realize she actually does want to get married.
...Actually I read that happening once, in a fic. The story went perfectly fine with the main character saying he was asexual, but then Cadence literally came in and was like "We have to take care of your so-called "asexual" business." then BAM,
he realized he wasn't asexual but was just scared of dating. Ugh.
But, Velvet not wanting to get married or have a special somepony has been prevalent since Crystal's Wishes. It's undeniably confirmed in that story and also The Velveteen Mask. Something I can count on is that Velvet really wouldn't want to get with Silver.
But what about Silver's feelings for the foal? Maybe he'd want to see him? What if he is barred from seeing him/doesn't want to see him and Velour finds out about how he was brought into the world? That's something that we don't know about yet.
Loved this chapter. It voiced a lot of, if not all my concerns on the issue.
Namely the absentee father thing. I mean if I were in this kind of situation I'd at least want to be involved to some degree in my child's life. It's not too much to ask is it? I mean kids need a fathers influence right?
I suppose what could happen is if she needs to go away for work, witch probably happens a lot, Velvet being a ballerina, Little Velour could be sent to Silver to look after him.
But somehow I doubt that's what it gonna happen.
Dunno what to say except I'm loving this story so far. Silver's kinda awkward naivety and Velvet's maniacal mind and over the top personality make perfect foils. Plus we actually got to see a scared side of Velvet we don't get to see often. Or at least we heard about it.
This is a very interesting story and I love it!
8234488 I can confirm that there are four chapters remaining, so anywhere from 1-4!
8234602 We'll just have to see!
8234627 It would make me very happy if folks read more of your works, silly and serious alike! So, yeah, you heard it there and you heard it here—read the works of Phyco to make me happy.
8234667 Some really great personal insight! Thank you for taking the time to reflect on the question that wasn't necessarily posed to the audience but wasn't excluding y'all, either
There's no universal right or wrong answer, but it's really interesting to see folks' personal reactions ^^
8234767 That definitely seems likely!
8235006 You are very right; she did not. She kept that to herself for an undisclosed reason... though hopefully it can be inferred based on her habits in other stories! Crystal was in Saddle Arabia, doing her film thing. By the time she got back, Velvet's knee would have healed, so she wouldn't have brought it up. It was over, it was done, it wasn't worth mentioning (in her mind).
You ask some really great questions that I can't answer yet!!
8235211 Yes, you are correct, the absentee father thing wasn't addressed specifically. But that won't bite him in the flank later on, I'm sure!
8236529 Aww, thanks!! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've had this story tucked away for so long, and I'm excited to finally get to share it. Silver does make a really great foil for Velvet, and writing them together is a ton of fun.
8236829
It's going to be that short? I know this is just a side story so it wouldn't be the same length as a main one, but damn if this doesn't feel short.
It's impressive just how three dimensional all these characters are!
I figured Silver would be hesitant on the whole absentee father thing. He's seems like the emotional type. He may tell himself that he'll stand by his word and "get out of Velvet's life" when the time comes, but once the foal hits I get the feeling Silver is going to find leaving a tad more difficult than he initially imagines. Then there's always the possibility he might actually fall in love with Velvet despite explicitly being told not to, which of course would only complicate things.
I admire Velvet's courage and dedication, but I worry about her trying to rush the process to obtain a foal. I understand her impatience though, The fear of not being able to effectively play/spend time with your own infant can be a powerful motivator. Ironically, it could be the same motivation for Silver not wanting to simply "move on" later down the road.
I'm very intrigued to see where this story goes.
In making this decision, Silver really had a heart of Gold.... I'm gonna go be a tree now. Made of Crystal.
This would be the hardest part for me. I don't know how Silver could handle this. Or anyone for that matter. Well, then again there are plenty examples of fathers who just walked out of their children's lives. But to start out with that mentality is pretty rough.
Freaking adorable Sunbeam and her silly nicknames!
YUS. Time for some one on one with Papa Pepper! Honestly got psyched to see him handle a crisis what with how often his wife does it.
"Eight months ago? That was when I was in Saddle Arabia—with Crystal Wishes. My ears drooped as I realized that meant Crystal hadn't been there for Velvet when she likely needed her most. I couldn't imagine how that must have felt: lying in the hospital with her best and closest friend overseas and totally unaware."
NO. WHY? Why do you feel the need to do this! Agh, my feels! Poor Velvet!
Always gotta make it awkward. Were it not for the writing talent and cutie mark, I'd say his special talent was putting his hooves in his mouth. Metaphorically.
The dread is real. This story is going to be another sweet torture isn't it?
Don't question it too hard Silver or you are going to mess up this entire roommates-with-benefits arrangement with a hot, flexible ballerina with all that silly logic and careful thinking.
Oooo, that's an important bit of context to what is going on with Velvet.
Huh, who would have expected that a conversation with Velvet's dad would have been just the thing to help Silver work through his worries about the 'knock up Velvet consequence free' plan.
Well, you never really know.
All fifty shades?
8238179
Was that a second generation Pokémon game reference? I saw a Pokémon reference there.
8258900
Not on purpose, but I can see why you would think so xD
One thing that I haven't seen addressed at all is... how will this affect his future relationships? I imagine that he'd try to keep this a secret, but I have a feeling that won't last forever. It'd be pretty awkward to explain to his future wife, and possibly foal/s, what the heck went on here. I can just imagine Velour and one of Silv's foals falling in love... only to have their parents explain to them that they're half-siblings.
But you'd never do that... would you?
8295058
Ah, missed that.
I still hope my comment from all that time ago of her of velvet falling in love with him comes true, however i understand if it doesnt happen, even if i rather love happens because so far we have seen silver narrate in two tense, past and present, we have him getting to know her now, however then comes in the past tense, like the last sentence, its looking back on the experience. In one of the chapters this happens making it clear that he gets to know velvet a bit more, so i really hope for the ship developing in this story over time
8234602
And that, if not as the foal's father, he asks to be an uncle, if Silver wishes to remain in contact.