Your usage of commas is considerably lacking. Your grammar usage is to also be put in question. I'd change the name of Anders, the JUSTICE alicorn, since he's based off of the healing mage from Dragon Age 2. There are some sentences that don't make sense.
YAY a revenge fic! And glad it was this one! Hated the Sweet apple massacre..Kudos!
EDIT: Also at the beginning you misspelled alicorn.
lul I keep this on tabs
I'll track this. see where it goes.
Sweet Apple Massacre revenge fic?
Go on....
hmmm...
premise is good...
I like gorefics...
-reads-
hmmm...
premise is good...
I like gorefics...
-reads-
also:
no more blood will be on your brother's hands.”
Hands
HANDS!!!!!
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133463064009.jpg
I like where this is going also, did anyone else saw the Trixie's Funhouse and Cupcakes references?
Not trying to be mean, but..
Your usage of commas is considerably lacking.
Your grammar usage is to also be put in question.
I'd change the name of Anders, the JUSTICE alicorn, since he's based off of the healing mage from Dragon Age 2.
There are some sentences that don't make sense.
Otherwise, it's pretty good.