Okay now, I have yet to finish it but the first wrong thing I did see was 'Lesbian' that word can't exist in this universe because the word is derived from lesbos which is an island of the coast of turkey and where the famous poetry writer Sappho was born, whom talked about women loving women. So just had to say change it to fiilyfooler, if you want to:twilight blush:.
This paragraph has a few errors (well not necessarily errors, but could be improved):
the hallways noticedthis error of personal harmony. The two guards stopped in front of the princess and asked with their oblivious tone. “Is there something of amiss, your highness Luna?”.
this error of personal harmony. Now that's awkward wording. Being in a bad mood, why is that an error? not sure what you mean by this. of amiss --> Is there something amiss, your highness Luna? the last period should not be there.
and also I find it a bit strange that Trixie did not recognize the alicorn. I mean, they have wings and a horn... obviously royalty.
and Luna is not a baby. nor will Celestia call her her baby sister.
I'll look over the next chapters next time. to tell you the truth, I sneaked a peek at the last chapter and the writing is much better than this one. yes there are spelling and punctuation errors still, but the flow is better and has more detail.
Luna looked back at the strong stallions that just passed her. One of them was Phalanx, who was the most popular guard with tons of admirers and friends with benefits due to his physics and noble personality.
physics should be phyisque
I'm sorry, but small grammatical errors like this bug me for some reason.
oh , i already read this part here on da , didn't know this had a continuation , i wonder if i'll come across other part's i've read in the past as well.....
It was not until she realized who it was on all the images that she wanted to open her mouth and mention why. The little unicorn walked over and explained with a tense tone. “Trixie used to be 'the great and powerful Trixie', until that annoying pony took away all my fame in one sweep. Everypony claimed she was better with magic then me, the great and powerful Trixie
That was some crazy ish..
Not exactly in the bad way, ahah.
I was in just such a fit of laughter
Its gonna take me @ least a week to stop chuckling to meself
you put hear instead of head in one of the beginning paragraphs. "She shook her hear and said she just wanted to be left alone,"
other than that i loved this chapter
loved it. awesome work!
Me Gusta......:3
I can be an editor for you. I do have tons of free time.
Okay now, I have yet to finish it but the first wrong thing I did see was 'Lesbian' that word can't exist in this universe because the word is derived from lesbos which is an island of the coast of turkey and where the famous poetry writer Sappho was born, whom talked about women loving women. So just had to say change it to fiilyfooler, if you want to:twilight blush:.
Wait a minute... Soul Hook!? THE SoulHook!? As in the author of Ponyville's Lusts?
Tracking. Will read.
i can be both a editor and proofreader to you and i require no charge at all :D so if you would like me to help you just pm me
This paragraph has a few errors (well not necessarily errors, but could be improved):
the hallways noticed this error of personal harmony. The two guards stopped in front of the princess and asked with their oblivious tone. “Is there something of amiss, your highness Luna?”.
this error of personal harmony. Now that's awkward wording. Being in a bad mood, why is that an error? not sure what you mean by this.
of amiss --> Is there something amiss, your highness Luna?
the last period should not be there.
and also I find it a bit strange that Trixie did not recognize the alicorn. I mean, they have wings and a horn... obviously royalty.
and Luna is not a baby. nor will Celestia call her her baby sister.
I'll look over the next chapters next time. to tell you the truth, I sneaked a peek at the last chapter and the writing is much better than this one. yes there are spelling and punctuation errors still, but the flow is better and has more detail.
Luna looked back at the strong stallions that just passed her. One of them was Phalanx, who was the most popular guard with tons of admirers and friends with benefits due to his physics and noble personality.
physics should be phyisque
I'm sorry, but small grammatical errors like this bug me for some reason.
I can edit things for you, just message me. I am such a grammar person, it wouldn't be a problem at all.
oh , i already read this part here on da , didn't know this had a continuation , i wonder if i'll come across other part's i've read in the past as well.....
than
That ending though