The Napoleons: The Confessions & Revelations Of The Greatest Mafia Family

by Bluecatcinema

The Gentlecolts

'So I've been doing the best I can to live with my condition, but to be honest, it's had its ups and downs. It turns out the meds I was given come in a handy epipen. It's easy to dose myself, and easy to hide them from everypony. Unfortunately, the meds do have some side effects. Not only do they give me unbelievably twitchy back legs, they also make me a little cranky. Just yesterday, I almost tossed Murray out of a window, just because he said my hedges were a little uneven. Fortunately, I fed him a lie about how I stayed up late writing. I still have no intention of letting the others know about this. Even with the meds, I'm starting to feel the effects of the Prancington's Disease. I'm suddenly feeling drowsy when I shouldn't, finding it hard to sleep (despite the drowsiness), and I've been forgetting a few more things (nothing too important so far, though I did forget where the photomat was yesterday). But I know it's only a matter of time before my condition totally erodes my mind, leaving me an empty-headed shell of my former self. I'm actually starting to envy dad. At least he got to go out in a blaze of glory, before he was completely overwhelmed. I'd do that too, if not for Zecora and our foal. The day I learned of my condition, I vowed that I'd at least hold on long enough to see my new child. The little one needs to meet its father, even if neither of us will remember it...'

'But I've droned on enough about my own problems. Moving on to more lively things, my brothers and I recently attended the Grand Galloping Gala with our wives. It was the first public event that we all attended since we revealed ourselves. We figured it would be relaxing to spend a night out together, reconnect after all our individual endeavors. However, the night turned out to be anything but relaxing, in a tale I call...'

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Gentlecolts

Grimoire, Murray, Salt and Slot walked up to Canterlot castle, their wives beside them. The Napoleons were all wearing their best suits, while their wives had donned lovely evening gowns. Zecora's pregnancy was really coming along, requiring Grimoire to help her along.

"Come along, dear." Grimoire supported his wife.

"Thank you, my darling." Zecora smiled. "I am always safe with you leading."

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Redheart squealed. "I've never been to the Gala."

"Me neither." May admitted. "I was always too busy running Ponyville."

"Not any more, huh?" Murray chuckled.

"Only the best for our girls." Salt added.

"I used to be the entertainment there." Octavia declared. "First time I'll be on the other end of the stage..."

"And yet, we'll still be putting on a show." Vinyl chuckled. "just wait 'til we get to the dancefloor."

"That's the spirit, girls." Slot grinned.

"Hey, guys!" Caboose called, as he, Lars, Sonny, and Vinny stood up ahead, their own wives alongside them. They too were decked out in suits and dresses, all set to take part in the elegant affair.

"Hi, Caboose." Grimoire beamed, "Nice to see you looking lively."

"Glad you could make it." Daring beamed.

"Salt, Redheart." Lars grinned.

"I'm surprised you guys could make it." Lyra admitted. "Where's Lightning?"

"We found a foalsitter for our little bundle of joy." Salt smiled. "So we have a night all to ourselves."

"I miss her already, though." Redheart sighed.

"Speaking of foals..." Bon-Bon grinned. "Zecora, you are really coming along."

"That is true, dear Bon-Bon." Zecora smiled. "It won't be long before we have our little don."

"And we'll be right behind you." May grinned.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Murray chuckled. "We're barely even a month along."

"But we'll get there before we know it." May beamed.

"Don't forget about us." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Yeah, we'll have our own little bundle of joy before long." Sonny added.

"How could we forget?" Grimoire grinned.

"Especially when you mention it every five minutes." Lars joked.

"Vinyl, Octavia." Berry glanced at both of Slot's mares. "You guys still doing the whole threesome thing?"

"Oh, yeah." Vinyl nodded.

"Best decision we ever made... still." Octavia chuckled.

"Got that right." Slot told Vinny. "You should try it yourself. It isn't at all as bad as they made it out to be..."

"You know, it's not really a bad idea-" Vinny turned to Berry.

"No." Berry said bluntly.

"...Yes, dear." Vinny cringed.

"Honestly, all I need is one mare." Caboose smiled at Daring.

"And I was that lucky mare." Daring grinned.

"Okay, that's enough chit-chat." Grimoire declared. "Let's get in there and show those upper-class snobs how the Napoleons party!"

"Aw, yeah!" Vinny cheered, "Party central, here we come!"

The Napoleons and their mares entered the castle. Dusty was there to greet them as they entered, Blueblood alongside her. The rest of the Royal family were attending a conference in the Crystal Empire, leaving Blueblood and Dusty to oversee the gala.

"Hi, dad!" She beamed. "Hi, Zecora! Hi, everypony!"

"Hello, darling." Grimoire hugged his daughter.

"Good evening, Grimoire." Blueblood declared. "I'm so glad you accepted the invitations."

"Like we'd pass up a chance at attending the swankiest party of the year." Murray chuckled.

"Got that right." Vinny nodded. "Now, where are the drinks?"

"My thoughts exactly." Berry chuckled.

"Boy, those two were really made for each other, huh?" Sonny grinned.

"Just like us." Bon-Bon nuzzled him.

"Just remember, this is a swanky event." Grimoire declared. "So try not to get too wild."

"Us, wild?" Slot smirked. "Please!"

"I'm serious. Remember when we were at that party with that psycho and Caboose got dancing like crazy and knocked a cake with lighted candles onto the carpet and burnt his house down?" Grimoire asked.

"It wasn't my fault that cake wasn't so sturdy!" Caboose protested.

"Ah, that party was a drag, anyway." Vinny snorted. "Caboose did us a favor, if you ask me."

"I doubt our host felt the same way." Lars frowned. "He got quite upset, if I recall."

"Well, he didn't have to chase me with that burning slab of wood." Caboose scowled. "I said I was sorry, didn't I?"

"Just try to keep a low profile." Grimoire sighed. "We don't need to leave a big mess behind tonight."

"Sure, Grim." Sonny smiled. "You can count on us."

"Here's hopin'..." Grimoire sighed.

As they walked into the ballroom, the eyes of almost everypony there seemed to be upon them.

"Hoo, did it just got cold in here?" Murray frowned.

As they made their way over to the buffet table, they couldn't help but heard the angry whispers of the patrons.

"They've got some nerve, coming here..." Golden Gavel growled.

"They should be in jail, not breathing the same air as us." Swan Song snorted.

"Well, that's what happened when one of your family marries into royalty." Silver Frames tutted. "Pull a few strings, and you're kept from the jail cell you so richly deserve."

"Hard to believe they're polluting the royal gene pool." Black Marble added.

"What did that guy just say?" Slot snarled.

"Just ignore them." Grimoire declared. "It doesn't matter what they think."

"It should." Redheart snarled.

"Grimoire is so very right." Zecora retorted. "We should not listen to their words of spite."

"My thoughts exactly." May nodded. "My days of focusing on public opinion are over."

"I don't know what's worse." Upper Crust sneered. "Those brothers, or the shameless floozies who actually married them!"

"So true." Jet Set agreed. "Any mares willing to marry the likes of them need their heads examined."

That last comment really shook the brothers and their wives. While most of them managed to keep it together, it was too much for Salt.

"Hey!" He turned around and yelled. "You've got something to say about us, say it to our faces!"

"Alright then." Jet Set walked over. "You Napoleons don't belong here. This is the most important social event in Canterlot. It is meant for only the highest of high society, not a bunch of criminals!"

"Former criminals." Murray retorted. "We got a pardon, remember?"

"That we got after helping save Equestria from Red Eclipse." Slot added. "You're welcome, by the way."

"Let's not go too far." Upper Crust sneered. "You and your thugs helped to fend off Red Eclipse's shadow ponies. That doesn't exactly constitute much in the grand scheme."

"But I was the one who finished the guy off!" Caboose declared, "Granted, I didn't enjoy that part, but he was going to kill Shine, and it would add to this overarching plot that the authors are-"

"What my husband is trying to say is that he finally put a stop to him." Daring nodded. "Our brave and bold Lieutenant of the Royal Guard, who just so happens to be a Napoleon, did that."

"That doesn't count." Black Marble sneered. "He at least turned away from the family business, in order to do honest work. As for the rest of you, you were still crooks up until that moment. Possibly even after it."

"There is no evidence to suggest that." Lars declared. "As those of you living in Canterlot will attest, many of us have moved on to perfectly respectable positions."

"Or is that just what you want us to think?" Swan Song retorted. "Maybe you're working some long con, fooling everypony into thinking you're past your criminal days, then poof! You rob us all blind!"

"I assure you madam, that is not the case." Grimoire declared. "We're just here to have a good time, just like everypony else here."

"But you're not like everypony else here." Golden Frames spat. "Most of the ponies here are respectable, well-to-do, high society. You are just a bunch of criminals. You don't belong here."

"Except some of them actually do live here." Bon-Bon pointed out.

"And you mares are just as bad." Black Marble sneered. "You knew what these crooks were, and yet you still married them. Why? Do you enjoy being the molls to murdering mafiosos?"

"They're not murderers." May glared at Marble. "They only ever killed in self-defence... and only if their targets were truly bad ponies."

"You know, like most cops nowadays." Vinyl added.

"I'm sure they spun you some convincing stories about how they're not so bad." Jet Set laughed mirthlessly. "But the truth is, there are no 'good criminals'. And pardon or not, your husbands will always be scum. And you've all lowered yourselves to their level by associating with them"

"It's you I'm most disappointed in, Octavia." Swan Song added. "For a mare of your talent and refinement to enter a sordid tryst with a criminal and a... DJ? For shame."

"Are you all seriously berating us?" Vinny growled. "Have I not taught any of you what I was capable of?" He then pulled out a black book, "I will seriously blab about how a certain high-class pony cheated at golf at your little country club if you don't shut your trap."

"I... don't know what you're talking about!" Black Marble spluttered.

"Threaten us all you like." Jet Set growled. "I doubt any of our little secrets will deflect ponies' attention from your kind."

"Anything we've done pales in comparison to the actions of your little crime family." Upper Crust added.

"That's right." Golden Frames nodded. "We've made some mistakes, but it's nothing compared to you, you filth!"

"That's enough." Dusty stepped forward. "I won't stand for you insulting my family. If you have a problem, perhaps you should take it up with myself and my husband."

The upper-class ponies balked. They knew it would be a bad idea to argue with a Princess, no matter her heritage.

"Come on, dear." Upper Crust told her husband. "Let's go to apart of the Gala that boasts more refined company."

"Of course." Jet Set nodded.

The upper-class ponies petulantly walked away, each one throwing a cold glare at the Napoleons and their wives.

"Yeesh, and I thought it was just me they hated." Vinny shook his head, "Guess not even blackmail can make them shed their skins."

"You'd think they'd learn to keep the past in the past." Octavia scowled. "I did."

That was true. Before their three-way wedding, Vinyl had filled Octavia in on Slot's criminal past, seeing no need to hide the now-revealed secrets since the Crystal Sun incident. At first, Octavia brushed it off as her boasting about him, but then Vinyl went into intricate details about some of Slot's more brutal activities and even brought up a violinist that he mentioned when they first met. Octavia would had been lying if she hadn't found it a bit balking that her friend was in love with a criminal and alleged murderer, and had to take some time to get used to the fact. However, in the end, after Vinyl explained how their 'code' worked and taking some days afterwards to think it over, she decided that Slot's past and all that he did was did not change who he was. In fact, whether it was those dirty novels she read in her pasttime or her own inner desires, she actually found the fact that he was a mafioso quite sexy (during the honeymoon, she had insisted he wear his business suit to bed).

"Unfortunately, some ponies aren't as open-minded as we are." Lyra scowled.

"Most Canterlotians don't mind us." Bon-Bon remarked. "It's only the stuffy, snobby elite who seem to have the problem with having you guys around."

"Buncha fatheaded jerks..." Slot snarled.

"Forget them." Grimoire insisted. "They aren't worth our time."

"Got that right." Murray nodded. "We came here to have a night out with our ladies. And that's what I intend to do." He pulled May close. "As long as I'm with you, nothing else matters."

"Oh, Murray." May chuckled. "I can't wait to hit the dancefloor."

"Trust me, you'll want to get as much dancing in as you can." Redheart declared. "Once you start showing, all that will go out the windows."

"On that, I can attest." Zecora nodded. "For tonight, I will mostly rest."

"And I'll be happy to stay by you." Grimoire smiled. "Never was much of a dancer, anyway..."

"But I am." Slot grinned. "Come on, girls. Let's show these stuffed shirts how it's done!"

"Right behind you, babe." Vinyl chuckled.

"We'll give them something to talk about..." Octavia smirked.

"We'll be hitting the buffet." Sonny declared. "We'll see how this fancy stuff matches up to our cooking."

"I doubt they'll up to snuff, but it doesn't hurt to make sure." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Food is one thing, but I came here for the wine." Vinny smirked.

"Me too." Berry joked. "Let's see how fine this fine wine really is."

"I'll be happy just spending some time with you, my dear." Lars told Lyra. "It's been a while since we had a night out."

"Then we'd better make the most of it." Lyra grinned.

"Us, too." Daring told Caboose.

"Oh, we will." Caboose chuckled, "Also, we gotta see if our other friends are here!"

"Everypony have fun out there." Dusty declared.

"Count on it." Salt nodded.

With that, the brothers and their mares split up, ready to enjoy their grand night out. Unfortunately, the night didn't go quite as well as hoped. While Jet Set, Upper Crust and their friends were the most vocal about it, a lot of ponies shared their views, throwing glares at the brothers and their wives, and whispering behind their backs. Of course, it didn't help that some of the brothers didn't exactly keep a low profile. Sonny and Bon-Bon and Vinny and Berry were tearing into the buffet table, tasting all the food and drink they could get their hooves on. At the same time, Slot, Vinyl and Octavia's antics on the dancefloor was causing a stir. The refined, dignified crowd were shocked at how Slot danced so wildly and intimately with not one, but two mares. It was glaringly obvious to many what their relationship was, and the onlookers were not pleased.

"Outrageous!"

"Disgraceful!"

"Have they no shame?"

"Buncha prudes..." Slot snorted.

"I know." Vinyl nodded. "We haven't even done any of the really wild stuff."

"Some ponies are just too repressed for their own good." Octavia sighed.

"I betcha the stallions are just jealous that I have two smokin' hot babes for wives." Slot scoffed cockily.

"How dare they bring such debauchery to this prestigious affair?" One stallion snarled.

"Two mares?" A mare asked. "That's disgusting!"

"If my wife did something like that, I'd beat her with a meat tenderizer." Another stallion spat.

"I would expect no less." His wife nodded.

Away from the dance floor, Caboose and Daring crossed paths with Fletcher and Dove, who were also in attendance.

"Hey, you two." Daring smiled.

"Hi, Daring." Dove grinned.

"How you doin', Cap?" Caboose asked.

"Quite well, thank you, Lieutenant." Fletcher nodded. "It feels good to get out of the armor and have a night off, doesn't it?"

"It would, if it weren't for the chilly reception." Caboose frowned.

"Yeah." Daring added. "It's not easy to have a good time when folks are talking behind your back."

"Oh, don't pay them any attention." Dove snorted. "Those snobs have been bad-mouthing me for being a magician since I came to Canterlot."

"You are a fine Guard, Caboose." Fletcher declared. "Even if your family had... undesirable moral leanings, all that is in the past now."

"Thanks, Fletch." Caboose smiled. "Good to know not everypony is against us."

"Forget about all that." Dove shrugged. "How about those refreshments?"

"If you can call them that." Daring snorted. "Those tiny little sandwiches and cubes of cheese? They're barely a snack!"

"No kidding." Caboose agreed. "I've had like, a dozen of 'em, and I'm still hungry!"

"True, strong examples of stallionhood such as ourselves do demand a more substantial repast." Fletcher admitted.

"And we need bigger food, too." Caboose added.

The others chuckled lightly.

"You sure got yourself a funny one, Daring." Dove grinned.

"Yep." Daring smiled. "Even when he doesn't try to be funny."

"Thanks... I think." Caboose shrugged.

Meanwhile, Dusty was getting herself a drink. She needed to cool off after hearing all the remarks about her family.

"So much for a fun night with the family..." She sighed.

"Excuse me, Princess Dusty?" A pale orange Unicorn with a blue eyes, brown mane, and a Cutie Mark of a notepad rushed over to her. "Muckraker, reporter for the Canterlot Tribune. A quick word, please?"

"As long as it's quick, sure." Dusty nodded.

"Do you have anything to say about the rumors that the Napoleons hoodwinked the royals into granting them a pardon?" Muckraker asked.

"Excuse me?" Dusty growled.

"Is it true that you only married Prince Blueblood so you could use said marriage as a way of keeping your family out of the slammer?" Muckraker continued. "Or was it for the status? From mafia Princess to regular Princess!"

"No, it isn't!" Dusty growled. "I married Blueblood because I love him!"

"If you say so." Muckraker scribbled something down. "But what of the whispers that the Napoleons were connected with the monstrous Red Eclipse? Some say Eclipse was a former employee of theirs who struck out on his own."

"That's ridiculous!" Dusty snarled. "My family would never consort with a monster like that!"

"Can you be certain?" Muckraker asked. "They are criminals, after all."

"So?" Dusty growled. "Just because they're criminals doesn't mean they're evil!"

"Of course not." Muckraker nodded. "But they have done some rather... morally questionable things."

"I'll admit that's true." Dusty nodded. "But they always stuck to a code of honor."

"'Honor among thieves', eh?" Muckraker snorted. "A comforting thought, but not one that stands up to scrutiny. Simply being on that side of the law means that honor isn't something you deal in."

"Shows what you know." Dusty growled. "My father and uncles are some of the most honorable ponies around."

"And you would know, of course." Muckraker declared. "Let me guess, did daddy bring you along on his crime sprees? A little father-daughter bank robbing, perhaps?"

"Actually, no." Dusty snarled. "Dad always kept me away from the action. I admit, I helped to move some stuff, and cleaned up after them sometimes, but that was it. Dad wouldn't allow me to get any closer than that."

"How touching." Muckraker snorted. "So you were never taught the ways of the family. Maybe your story about being with Blueblood because you love him holds water after all."

"So glad you noticed." Dusty growled. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to enjoying the festivities."

"Of course." Muckraker nodded. "But first, just one more question: Do you honestly expect anypony to believe your family has given up their criminal ways?"

"I expect them to give my family the benefit of the doubt." Dusty declared, "And even if they hadn't, good luck trying finding proof of it."

"Challenge accepted." Muckraker smirked. "I know those crooks are up to something, Princess, and before the night is out, I'm going to get the dirt on them."

"You're welcome to try." Dusty glared at him. "But know that better newsponies than you have tried, and failed. In fact, most of them are probably rotting in a ditch because they got caught up in something."

"Well, there's a first time for everything, your highness." Muckraker sneered, "And don't think I'm through with you..."

"What's going on over here?" Blueblood walked over. "Is that tabloid writer bothering you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Dusty nodded.

"What, a crusading reporter can't ask some hard-hitting questions?" Muckraker asked.

"No, but a libellous hack can't." Blueblood scowled. "If I see you talking to my wife again..."

"Worry not, your highness." Muckraker walked away. "I've got bigger fish to fry."

"What is he talking about?" Blueblood asked.

"He wants to expose my family." Dusty declared. "Trying to paint them all as monsters."

"Ingrate." Blueblood snarled. "If it weren't for the Napoleons, Equestria as we know it might have ceased to exist."

"Not that he or any of the others care." Dusty huffed. "They only focus on the fact that they're a crime family."

"Alas, that seems to be the way of things for a lot of ponies." Blueblood sighed. "They tend to focus on the actions of the past. You know, there are quite a few ponies who still hold me in contempt for the way I used to be, blindly ignoring the fact that I've changed."

"They're all a bunch of stubborn, close-minded fools." Dusty growled.

"Unfortunately, yes." Blueblood comforted her. "Just pay them no mind. It's their loss, in the end."

"I suppose..." Dusty sighed. "It's still unfair, though..."

Meanwhile, while Grimoire and Zecora were sitting at a table, Grimoire spotted an oddly familiar face among the crowd. A handsome Earth Pony stallion with a royal blue coat, an impeccably coiffed black mane, and a Cutie Mark of a cane walked though the crowd, joined by several other refined-looking stallions.

"No..." Grimoire frowned, realizing who the pony was. "It can't be..."

"What is the matter, my dear?" Zecora asked. "What draws your gaze from here?"

"That's Suave Savoy." Grimoire revealed. "He's head of a group called 'The Gentlecolts', a bunch of stinking rich, sophisticated stallions, who also happen to be mobsters. He's known for his extreme politeness, even when committing the most heinous of crimes. Those other guys with him must be his underlings."

"I can't believe what I hear." Zecora gaped. "How could they be invited here?"

"To most of the world, they're just a group of wealthy philanthropists." Grimoire scowled. "That's probably how they got the invites. I need to find out what they're really up to..."

Stealthily, Grimoire tailed the Gentlecolts, using the other guests as cover. The Gentlecolts slipped into the coatroom. Grimoire placed his ear against the door.

"Okay, everypony ready?" Suave's plummy voice muttered.

"Ready, Mr Savoy." One of his henchmen answered. "All of these ponies are so focused on dancing and socialising, they'll barely notice when we take their valuables right under their noses."

"That they won't, Mr. Finesse." Suave gloated. "That they won't. Now then, here's what we're going to do. Mr. Courtesy will work the buffet, Mr. Polite will go for the dance floor. Mr. Sophisticated will handle the gardens. Mr. Debonair will deal with the balconies. Mr. Charm will take care of the rear. Mr. Savoir will take the tables. And we will have our dear pal Manly..." He pat a rather big stallion with a burly moustache and clad in suspenders. "Check out the barracks, and take care of any straggling Guards. And Mr. Clean will lie in wait in the restrooms, ready to pounce on any unwary visitors."

"I always get those kind of jobs." Mr. Clean groaned.

"Oh, relax." Suave sneered. "By the end of the night, we'll be stinking rich! Even more than before."

'Not if I can help it.' Grimoire thought. 'You clowns are about to hit a major stumbling block.'

Grimoire rushed to gather his brothers.

"The Gentlecolts? Here?" Murray gaped.

"And they're going to rob everypony?" Salt frowned.

"So what?" Slot snorted. "I say let 'em."

"Yeah." Vinny agreed. "Those jerks deserve it."

"That's not our call to make." Sonny retorted.

"And besides, who do you think the crowd will blame when they discover their valuables are missing?" Lars pointed out.

"You guys?" Caboose offered. "Probably not me, cause I'm, y'know, a Royal Guard..."

"That's not going to happen." Grimoire declared. "Sure, these stuck-up snobs have been treating us like dirt all night. But they don't deserve to be robbed."

"So what are we gonna do?" Murray asked.

"We're going to take them out, as quickly and quietly as possible." Grimoire declared. "We don't want to cause a panic, after all..."

"Who do you think you're talking to, Grim?" Salt smirked. "We can handle this sort of operation."

"It'll be just like old times." Slot grinned.

"Glad to hear it." Grimoire smiled, as the Gentlecolts emerged from the coatroom. "Now, let's split up and take those guys down."

"With pleasure." Vinny sneered.

The brothers separated, each going after one of the stallions. Murray reached his first.

"Hey pal, can ya help me with something?" He asked.

"What is it?" Asked the stallion, whose voice was that of Mr Finesse.

"Yeah, I was wondering..." Murray pulled out a cloth. "Does this smell funny to you?"

Finesse sniffed the cloth... only to pass out immediately, due to it being soaked in chloroform.

"Never leave home without it." Murray smirked, catching the stallion and pulling him outside.

Moments later, Salt sidled up to Mr. Charm.

"Hi there." He put a hoof around the stallion's shoulder. "Enjoying the Gala?"

"Yes I am." Charm nodded.

"It's my first time here." Salt admitted.

"Mine too." Charm agreed.

"It's a little swanky for my tastes." Salt declared. "But I bet you love it." He tightened his grip. "Don't you, Mr. fancy guy?"

"I would if... you... let go... of me..." Charm suddenly passed out, having been trapped in a sleeper hold.

A short while later, Mr Courtesy was stalking the buffet, looking for victims. Sonny, dressed as a waiter (complete with false moustache) and carrying a plate of truffles, walked over to him.

"H'ors Doeuvre?" He offered.

"Don't mind if I do." Courtesy grabbed a truffle and ate it. Suddenly, he started gagging, for the truffle was poisoned.

"Oh no!" Sonny dropped the plate. "He's choking! I'd better get him some help!"

Before the eyes of the astonished guests, Sonny dragged the convulsing Courtesy out of the room.

At the same time, a similarly disguised Vinny was doing the same thing with Savoir.

"A fine vintage, sir." He smiled falsely.

"I would expect no less." Savoir drank the poisoned wine. Seconds later, he collapsed.

"Some ponies just can't handle their wine." Vinny told the guests, "I'll just dump-I mean, take him somewhere to lie down..."

At the same time, Lars caught up to Sophisticated.

"Pardon me, sir." He declared. "I was wondering if you could answer a question for me."

"Just make it quick." Sophisticated growled.

"If a pony is knocked into a bush and whipped into submission by a crop, and nopony's around to hear him, does he make a sound?" Lars asked.

"What?" Sophisticated growled.

A second later, Lars punched the criminal, knocking him into the bush behind him and whipping him into submission.

"Ugh!" Sophisticated groaned.

"That's a 'yes' then." Lars smirked.

As Mr Polite neared the dance floor (most of the guests focused on the evening's musical entertainment), Slot jumped him from behind.

"What the-" Polite struggled. "What's this?!"

"This is the end of the line, creep!" Slot used his magic to pull a nearby tablecloth over Polite, covering him up. He then knocked him out with a chop to the neck.

Slot teleported over to the backstage. He hid in the shadows as the band took a break. After they left, he scanned the crowd, spotting Vinyl and Octavia. Waving a hoof, he signaled them to join him. As they rushed over, Slot pulled off the cloth.

"Slot, what's going on?" Vinyl asked.

"And what's with the stallion you got there?" Octavia frowned.

"Quick answer: He's one of a bunch of crooks who are trying to rob everypony." Slot said quickly, realising that Polite was waking up. "I need you girls to provide a distraction, and make sure you make it loud."

"You know us." Vinyl grinned. "Loud is what we do best."

"No kidding." Octavia chuckled. "Remember our honeymoon?"

"Aw, yeah." Slot smirked. "Go for it, ladies."

As Vinyl and Octavia rushed out, Polite fully awoke.

"You've got a lot of nerve, you little fool." He snarled, raising his hooves. "And you're going to pay for it!"

"We'll see who pays for what." Slot sneered.

"Hey, ladies and gentleponies!" Vinyl called, as she and Octavia leapt on stage. "Who wants to hear some awesome tunes?"

The crowd gaped in confusion.

"That sounds like a 'yes' to me." Octavia nodded.

"Well, it's a good thing the royals have a turntable." Vinyl rubbed her hooves as she approached the said turntable. "Let drop some bass!"

"While Slot drops that scumbag." Octavia smirked.

The mares began playing their respective instruments, earning the interest of the crowd. As they played, the shadow of Slot and Polite appeared on the curtain behind them. The crowd gasped as the shadows struggled. Ultimately, the shadow Slot pulled out a knife and stabbed Polite repeatedly... then punching and kicking him. As Polite dropped, Slot kicked him in the side, then elbow dropped him. He followed up by performing a backbreaker on the helpless crook, the loud crack barely audible over his wives' performance.

As Vinyl and Octavia finished their duet, they saw the crowd staring, jaws dropped.

"Guess we really killed 'em out there." Vinyl chuckled.

"What was that?" One stallion gaped.

"I have no idea." A mare frowned.

"Maybe it was special effects." Another stallion suggested. "I saw this show once with all kinds of shadow puppetry. Maybe that's what happened here."

"Did they have to use such ghastly imagery?" Another mare asked. "I feel quite unwell."

Meanwhile, a ruffled up Slot rolled a box out of the backstage, whistling merrily.

At the same time, Caboose sidled up to Mr Debonair.

"Having a good time, sir?" He asked. "Great..."

Caboose suddenly stuck out a hoof and tripped Debonair.

"Hey!" Debonair yelped. "What was that for?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Caboose frowned. "Here, let me help you up..."

Caboose took Debonair's hoof, lifted him up... then flung him into the wall.

"Oh, sorry!" Caboose smiled. "Don't know my own strength..."

Caboose grabbed Debonair by the shoulders and headbutted him, knocking him out.

"Clumsy me." He tittered.

After dragging Debonair's prone body outside, he saw Mr Manly heading towards the barracks.

"Time to make it two-for two." He declared.

Caboose followed Manly to the barracks. Manly slipped in via the showers, intending to sneak in and rob the Guards' lockers.

"The perfect crime." Manly smirked.

"Not so fast." Caboose confronted him. "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave."

"You're threatening me?" Manly sneered. "You have no idea how tough I am."

"Oh, yeah?" Caboose snorted. "I'm pretty tough myself."

"Please." Manly smirked. "You know how I like my kale steak? Next to my other kale steak!"

"I keep a pillow under my crossbow!" Caboose boasted.

"I put cigarettes on my sandwiches... with light them on fire!" Manly bragged.

"I threw a grenade and killed fifty ponies... then the explosion killed another ten!" Caboose declared.

"I call push-ups 'Earth downs!" Manly roared.

"Yeah, well I..." Caboose struggled to come up with another boast. "Ah, buck it..."

Caboose suddenly ripped a pipe off the shower stall.

"Wait, what are you-" Manly gaped.

Caboose proceeded to beat Manly senseless with the pipe.

"Who's tough now?" He smirked.

Caboose dragged Manly's unconscious body away, but found himself hiding behind a curtain in the corner as Fletcher and Dove came in.

"I don't know about this..." Fletcher frowned. "It's not exactly regulation..."

"Come on, Fletchy..." Dove grinned. "What could be hotter than doing it it in your own barracks?"

"Well, I..." Fletcher shrugged.

Dove suddenly pounced, pinning Fletcher to the bed.

"Let's find out." She purred.

"Okay..." Fletcher grinned.

Essentially trapped in the corner, Caboose could do nothing but watch in horror as Fletcher and Dove went to work.

At the other end of the Gala, Suave was looking around, failing to see any of his underlings.

"Where are they?" He frowned.

"Oh, they've been dealt with."

Suave turned to see Grimoire behind him.

"What the-?" He frowned. "Who are you?"

"Grimoire Napoleon." Grimoire smirked. "Maybe you've heard of me."

"Grim... oh no." Suave gaped. "Look, this doesn't have to end badly. I can cut you and the others in on things."

"Sorry, Suave." Grimoire sneered. "We'd like to keep our reputations."

Grimoire jabbed Suave with a knife covered in paralyzing fluid, courtesy of his old friend Crowe.

"Nighty night." He taunted.

Suave collapsed, and was dragged outside by Grimoire. The rest of the Gentlecolts, some still alive, were piled up outside the rear of the castle, as well as the box with Polite's mangled body. Next to the box was Manly's big body, as Caboose was curled up not far from him.

"What's with Caboose?" Grimiore asked, dropping Suave's body.

"You're just asking this now?" Slot snarked.

"The horror, the horror..." Caboose muttered.

"Guess the guys he brought over put up more of a fight than ours." Sonny suggested.

"Must've been a titanic tussle." Vinny noted. "Huh, 'Boose?"

"You could say that." Caboose cringed. "There was a lot of tussling involved..."

"Is that all of them?" Murray asked.

"...No." Grimoire realised. "There's one left. We forgot the one in the bathroom!"

Meanwhile, Blueblood and Dusty were still discussing matters.

"I tell you, it makes me so mad." Dusty growled. "They have no right to judge my family like that!"

"Now, now, dear." Blueblood smiled. "I know what'll cheer you up..."

Blueblood led Dusty to the bathroom.

"Oh, Blue..." Dusty purred. "You naughty boy..."

"A naughty boy for a naughty girl..." Blueblood chuckled.

As they entered the restroom, ready for some 'private time', they opened a stall... only for Mr. Clean to leap out of the toilet.

"Yahh!" Clean roared.

"What in Equestria?!" Blueblood yelped.

"Give me your valuables, now!" Clean yelped. "You have no idea how long I have been in there!"

"And I don't wish to know." Blueblood wrinkled his nose.

"Whatever!" Clean snarled. "Just hoof over your valuables, or I'll show you how dirty I can be!"

"Not today!" Dusty punched him out. "Ooh, that felt good."

"Oh, my..." Blueblood gaped.

Just then, the brothers rushed in.

"Dusty, are you-?" Grimoire gasped.

"I'm fine, dad." Dusty smiled.

"Looks like another Gentlecolt for the pile." Salt grinned.

Suddenly, the stall next to them burst open, Muckraker popping out, camera flashing.

"What's this? The Napoleons assaulting other ponies in the middle of the Gala?" He smirked. "For shame!"

"Hey, quit that!" Caboose cringed, the flashes blinding him.

"This isn't what it look likes!" Salt snarled. "This guy and others like him were going to rob the place!"

"Oh, please, a likely story from scum like you!" Muckraker spat.

"Yeah, this guy's the real crook here!" Sonny declared. "We just saved the Gala!"

"Or did you just not want these guys to muscle in on your territory?" Muckraker shot back.

"How dare you!" Lars yelled.

"This is too juicy!" Muckraker crowed. "I knew I'd get the dirt on you sooner or later. We'll see how that pardon helps after this!"

"That is it!" Dusty yelled. She punched Muckraker's camera out of his hooves, causing it to shatter on the tiled floor.

"Hey!" Muckraker yelled. "Why, you..."

Dusty followed up with a punch to his face, breaking his jaw and knocking him out.

"My word!" Blueblood gasped.

"That's another one for the pile." Dusty declared.

"Don't worry, Dust." Vinny smiled. "We'll be sure to take this clown somewhere far away."

"The further the better." Dusty scowled.

"I'm glad to see you're still as tough as ever, my dear." Blueblood declared.

"Thanks, Blue." Dusty smiled. "Now, what do you say later on we go somewhere... private?"

"...I love you." Blueblood sighed.

"Love you too." Dusty chuckled.

"Let's get back to the girls." Lars declared. "They'll need to be updated on things."

Moments later, the Napoleons and their wives were together, Dusty and Blueblood beside them.

"Wow." May gasped. "That sounds incredible."

"If only all these snobs knew what you just did for them." Redheart scowled.

"Ah, it doesn't matter what they think." Sonny shrugged. "Let them hate us. It ain't our problem."

"Yeah... but the Tribune is getting some juicy bits for their paper tomorrow." Vinny chuckled darkly.

"Do you think Princess Celestia or the others might find out about this?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Please..." Slot scoffed, "Remember, we were found out because we wanted to. As long as Caboose doesn't dream about tonight. I think we're golden till the next guy tries to take over Equestria."

"Yep." Murray nodded.

"No doubt." Slat agreed.

"I'll drink to that!" Vinny waved a wine glass.

"It was quite a night, though." Sonny chuckled.

"That's putting it mildly." Lars nodded.

"At least we had some fun." Slot admitted. "Right, Caboose."

"Um..." Caboose muttered.

"What's wrong, honey?" Grimoire asked. "What happened to you?"

"Illuminati!" Caboose yelled. "Illuminati! Illuminati!"

"What the heck does that mean?" Murray asked.

"Beats me." Caboose shrugged. "Illuminati! Illuminati!"

"So... I guess it's back to the party, then." Daring sighed.

"You know what? Let's forget this place." Grimoire declared. "We don't need to be at some snooty little party to have fun."

"So true, my dear boo." Zecora nodded.

"Got that right." Murray smirked. "Long as we're having fun, who cares about those snobs?"

"Not me, that's for sure." May grinned.

"We can have our own little party." Salt declared.

"But where?" Redheart asked.

"How about Blazin' Blues?" Vinny offered. "I always carry a spare key to the place."

"Great idea, honey." Berry smiled. "The drinks there are way better than that high-falootin' swill at the Gala."

"Now that's more like it." Sonny nodded. "A nice, private family party."

"I'll bet the snacks there are better than those tiny sandwiches." Bon-Bon snorted.

"It would certainly beat all the muttered insults and recriminations." Lars admitted.

"And we'd have plenty of room to dance." Lyra added.

"Yeah, screw those rich clowns and their fancy junk." Slot sneered. "We'll have our own fun, Napoleon style!"

"I prefer Slot style fun." Vinyl purred.

"Me too." Octavia chuckled.

"I'm up for it." Caboose smiled. "Daring?"

"I've never really been one for high society gatherings." Daring shrugged. "I like my parties small and intimate."

"Then it's settled." Grimoire smiled. "Let's go have our own little party, just us Napoleons and our girls." He turned to Dusty. "Do you want to come along, darling?"

"Sorry, I can't." Dusty sighed. "As a royal, it's my duty to stay here."

"Aw, that sucks." Slot frowned.

"It's okay." Dusty smiled. "You guys have fun."

"Oh, we will." Murray chuckled.

"No doubt about that..." May chuckled.

"Come on, Napoleons." Grimoire grinned. "Let's go have a real night out!"

The brothers and their wives cheered as they departed from the castle, making a beeline for Blazin' Blues. However, Grimoire pulled back a little.

"Grim, what's the matter?" Zecora asked. "Why does your walk turn to a patter?"

"I just... need to take care of something." Grimoire declared.

"Need a little help?" Salt offered.

"No, I'm good." Grimoire shook his head. "You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up."

"As you wish, my love." Zecora declared. "Just don't take too long, for with us is where you belong."

"Don't I know it." Grimoire gave her a kiss.

"Come on, guys!" Vinny urged. "Those drinks won't drink themselves!"

The others continued their trek. Grimoire slipped into an empty corner, pulled out the epipen and gave himself himself another dose of the medicine.

"Ah..." He smiled, as the meds flushed into his system. "It was a good night after all."

Grimoire followed after his family, ready to partake in some real fun...

'We ended up having quite a memorable night after all. We drank, sang, made merry, danced with our girls (Slot of course danced with both of his), and generally had a great time. Sure, it wasn't the grand night out we were hoping for, but we enjoyed ourselves, and that's what counts. And of course, it helped take my mind off my condition. After all, it won't be long before I'm too far gone to have a night like that again. I wanted to enjoy the company of my brothers, their mares, and my own wife before it was too late. I can't help but shake the feeling that it'll be all downhill from here...'

Comments

[HolyCross9]

Couldn't Grimoire simply ask Celestia to cure him with her strong magic?

[Bluecatcinema]

6420855 Celestia doesn't have that kind of power. If she did, she'd no doubt cure ill ponies the world over.

[HolyCross9]

6421664 Then he could go to Isis! Especially since she has that capability as the Serpent Goddess of Life!