The Napoleons: The Confessions & Revelations Of The Greatest Mafia Family

by Bluecatcinema

Life With O'Malley

'As you might have guessed, the idea that Caboose had undergone a complete personality shift was... disturbing. O'Malley was everything Caboose wasn't: Cruel, vicious, arrogant... To be honest, he scared me back then. Thankfully, Caboose resurfaced shortly after O'Malley struck me, and was shocked that he had done such a thing. The next morning, accompanied by our brothers, we took Caboose to our doctor for a thorough physical and mental examination...'

The brothers stood outside the treatment room, awaiting the results. Grimoire and Sandy, having brought them there in a hurry, were filling the others in (Bonnie having agreed to look after Dusty).

"...And that's pretty much it." Grimoire finished.

"Caboose did all that?" Murray gasped.

"No way." Slot snorted. "That little weed doesn't have the guts."

"Weren't you just listening?" Lars admonished him. "According to Grim, it wasn't Caboose that did all that. It was some guy called O'Malley."

"You're seriously buying that?" Sonny frowned. "He's probably trying to pull some kind of gag."

"If he is, it's not a very funny one." Salt retorted.

"You weren't there." Sandy declared. "It was like he was... a different pony."

The door to the treatment room opened, and the doctor emerged.

"The examination is complete." He declared. "If you would..."

The brothers and Sandy walked into the room, where Caboose was standing, more than a little confused.

"So what's the verdict, doc?" Vinny asked. "Give it to us straight."

"Well, physically, Caboose is fine." The doctor announced. "But mentally... It would appear that this Peaches Cream girl's shabby treatment of him has caused his psyche to split in two."

"Syke-ey?" Slot frowned. "Speak English, doc!"

"Caboose has never let himself feel an ounce of anger in his life." The doctor declared. "He never let himself feel spite, or rage, or held any grudges. He never even let himself consider the idea of hurting another pony."

"Well, why would I?" Caboose asked.

"He kept all those negative emotions under wraps." The doctor continued. "Pushed them deep down into the very bottom of his mind... until now."

"What does that mean?" Salt asked.

"The shock of realizing Peaches Cream was just using him was too much for him to handle." The doctor revealed. "He couldn't take it. This caused the side of him he had repressed for so long- the angry, violent side, to manifest itself as this "O'Malley' character, to do what he could not, and exact revenge on the one who had wronged him."

"So... this 'O'Malley' guy has been inside me all this time?" Caboose frowned. "And now he's coming out?"

"I'm afraid so." The doctor nodded.

"Okay..." Murray frowned. "So, how do we deal with this guy? What's the prescription?"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy." The doctor declared. "Split personalities are not so easily disposed of. I could prescribe some anti-psychotics..."

"Oh, no." Grimoire shook his head. "I've seen what pills like that can do. I don't Caboose turning into a blissed-out zombie."

"Yeah, one of our cousins got his face shredded by a fan while on that stuff." Salt frowned.

"Poor Tibbles... he didn't know what hit him." Murray shook his head.

"Suit yourself." The doctor shrugged. "But barring some massive psychological trauma, I'd say O'Malley is here to stay."

"Oh, Caboose..." Sandy put a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay."

"Why did my brain have to go and do that?" Caboose hit himself on the head. "Bad brain! Very bad brain! ...Ow."

"What's the big deal?" Vinny asked. "This O'Malley guy can't be that bad, can he?"

"You haven't met him yet." Grimoire said darkly. "Trust me, he's trouble."

"So what?" Slot shrugged. "I've been telling Caboose he needs to toughen up for years. Maybe O'Malley can pick up his slack."

"You're seriously not suggesting we involve O'Malley with the family business, are you?" Murray growled.

"Why not?" Salt shrugged. "Technically, he is family."

"We could use somepony as... proactive as him." Lars agreed.

"Besides, it's not like he's gonna be around permanently, right?" Sonny pointed out. "From what you've said, he just sorta comes and goes."

"You know, O'Malley may not be here right now, but I am." Caboose frowned. "So please don't talk about me like I'm not here." Suddenly, his face darkened. "Quit whinin', will ya?" O'Malley growled. "I swear, you're so pathetic sometimes."

"I take it this is O'Malley?" Murray squinted.

"Yeah, what's it to ya, squinty?" O'Malley smirked.

"Fascinating." Lars appraised the situation. "A fully cognizant personality."

"Whatever you say, professor." O'Malley shrugged, before turning to Sandy. "Hey, remember me?"

"Yes." Sandy nodded. "And I'm sure you remember I'm married."

"Your loss." O'Malley grinned. "Plenty more mares in the sea."

"Glad to hear it." Grimoire frowned.

"Hey, Grim." O'Malley smiled. "Sorry about last night. I just don't like taking guff from anypony. We cool?"

"I suppose." Grimoire said testily. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Deal." O'Malley grinned. He then turned to the others. "Boy, it seems like I already know you guys so well, but you don't know me at all..."

"So, you're the part of Caboose that actually knows when to get tough?" Salt asked. "We'll see about that..."

Salt threw a punch, which O'Malley caught, and countered with a leglock.

"How you like that, tough guy?" O'Malley smirked.

"Not bad..." Salt groaned, as O'Malley released him. "Let me know if you ever want to spar."

"You probably couldn't keep up, what with your old age..." O'Malley sneered.

Slot burst out laughing.

"I like this guy already!" He guffawed.

"Well, he's a lot more charismatic than Caboose, that's for sure." Sonny agreed.

"Now this is a guy I'd like to have some wine with!" Vinny grinned, slapping O'Malley hard on the back.

"Ow!" Caboose winced. "What'd you do that for?"

"Oh, Caboose is back." Slot sighed. "Yay..."

"I don't know what you're complaining about." Caboose pouted. "I'm the one whose body has suddenly become a time share!"

"Relax, bro." Vinny smiled. "This O'Malley guy's a little rough, sure. But we've handled worse. It's nothin' to get flustered about."

"Vinny's got the right idea." Murray nodded. "Everything's gonna be just fine."

'It was easy enough to say that O'Malley wouldn't be a problem, but reality was a different matter entirely. While he did make a good first impression on the others, it wasn't long until O'Malley showed his truth colors, and we all learned just what it would mean to have him in our lives, in a tale you shall know as...'

Chapter Four: Life With O'Malley

'Because of the unpredictability of O'Malley's appearances, we got precious little "one-on-one" with him. Mom was lucky enough to have gone on a trip with her friends from the sewing circle shortly after O'Malley showed up, but the rest of us weren't so lucky... Over the next fortnight, O'Malley began what seemed to be a campaign to tick off every one of his brothers. Murray was first...'

Murray was practicing his shooting in the courtyard, hitting three bullseyes in a row.

"Final score: awesome!" Murray cheered.

"Is that it?" O'Malley scoffed, as he emerged from the shadows.

"O'Malley?" Murray jumped. "I didn't see you there..."

"Obviously." O'Malley sneered. "Too busy with your toys, huh?"

"Toys?" Murray frowned.

"Yeah, toys." O'Malley sniggered. "You're like a little foal with that thing, tryin' to shoot the bad guys. Pew, pew!"

"I'll have you know this takes skill!" Murray snarled, annoyed.

"How much skill does it take to hit a piece of wood?" O'Malley smirked.

"Listen, you-" Murray snarled, bringing his crossbow up to O'Malley's face.

O'Malley suddenly grabbed Murray's cross bow with his magic and flung it at the wall, breaking it.

"Don't you know you can put somepony's eve out with that thing?" He mock-chided. "You've gotta be more careful with your toys... here, let me show you how it's done!"

As Murray looked in shock at his shattered crossbow, O'Malley drew his own.

"What are yo-Ah!" Murray ducked, as a bolt narrowly missed his ear. "What the buck!"

"You're not the only pony who needs target practice, you know." O'Malley loaded another bolt.

"Knock it off, you psycho!" Murray ducked another.

O'Malley kept firing, and Murray kept on ducking, until O'Malley ran out of bolts.

"Ah, well." O'Malley shrugged. "Enough target practice for today. You keep working at it, bro."

O'Malley walked away, leaving a shell-shocked Murray behind.

'The next day, Salt was in for even worse...'

Salt was in the gym, working out on his punching bag.

"Nice moves." O'Malley declared as he entered the gym. "That bag didn't know what hit it."

"Funny." Salt wiped some sweat off his brow.

"Of course, punching bags don't hit back." O'Malley pointed. "How about trying that on me?"

"I don't know..." Salt frowned. "I don't wanna leave a bruise on that face. Caboose wouldn't be happy..."

"Who says you'll even be able to get a hit in?" O'Malley sneered. "What are ya, chicken?"

"Nopony calls me chicken." Salt growled. "Let's get in the ring."

"Gladly." O'Malley grinned.

Stopping only to don some boxing gloves, O'Malley entered the ring, and the sparring match began. Salt threw out a right cross, but O'Malley dodged. O'Malley retaliated with a punch of his own, but Salt blocked it. They went back and forth like that for a few moments, until O'Malley caught Salt on the side of his face.

"Guh!" Salt grunted. "...Not bad. My turn."

Salt struck back. O'Malley dodged the first punch, but took the other in the nose.

"Ugh!" He staggered backwards. "Okay, no more Mr. Nice pony..."

O'Malley's attacks became more frenzied and vicious. It was all Salt could do to dodge or block them. He had no time to retaliate.

"Hey, easy!" Salt yelled, parrying another blow. "We're just sparring!"

"Yeah?" O'Malley growled. "Well I spar to win!"

O'Malley's blows started to connect. He pummeled Salt mercilessly. As Salt fell to the canvas, O'Malley jumped up and slammed his hoof on his leg. A loud crack was heard.

"YAAAAH!" Salt screamed. "My leg... I think you broke it..."

"Ah, shake it off, ya wuss." O'Malley pulled off his gloves. "Besides, you got three more, don't ya?"

O'Malley left the ring, leaving Salt writhing in agony.

'Vinny was next. He had graciously offered to share some of his homemade wine with O'Malley...'

Vinny looked on expectedly as O'Malley drank the wine.

"Well?" He asked.

O'Malley spat out the wine.

"Bleurgh!" He spat. "What are ya tryin' to do, poison me?"

"Hey, I put a lot of work into wine!" Vinny protested.

"I'll bet." O'Malley sneered. "It isn't easy, getting wine to taste this awful... In fact, this garbage shouldn't even be here!"

With his magic, Caboose threw the bottle out of the window, striking one of the gardeners in the head.

"Hey!" Vinny growled.

"Wine coinosseurs the world over will thank me." O'Malley smirked. "You should be thanking me too. Anypony else who tries that will probably sue you for sullying their tastebuds."

"Where do you get off, disrespecting my wine?" Vinny fumed.

"You're the one who wanted a critique." O'Malley shot back. "I'm just giving my honest opinion: that this stuff tastes like Diamond Dog pee!"

"Oh, yeah?" Vinny spluttered. "Well, you can forget me letting taste-test any other wines in future!"

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." O'Malley taunted, as he walked away. "Personally, I'd rather drink dragon spit than put more of your swill in my mouth."

Vinny tried to think of a comeback, but he was too full of anger and shock to do so. All he could do was mouth emptily as O'Malley left.

'Vinny wasn't the only one to have his hard work spat out at him. Barely two days later...'

Sonny finished some cannolis, and offered them to O'Malley and Lars. Lars enjoyed his, but O'Malley gagged.

"Yuck!" O'Malley grimaced. "And I thought Vinny's wine tasted bad... this stuff tastes like mule spit!"

"But... Caboose loves my cannolis..." Sonny frowned.

"I'm not Caboose." O'Malley pointed out. "Anyways, that idiot's probably lying..."

"Now see here." Lars declared. "Sonny worked exceptionally hard on those cannolis. A little appreciation would apropos!"

"Yeesh, enough with the big words!" O'Malley yelled. "We get it, you're a giant nerd! Don't rub it in all our faces!"

"I beg your pardon?" Lars growled.

"You heard me, numbercruncher." O'Malley sneered. "And to think, the others were telling Caboose he's not a real mafioso when there's a glorified bookkeeper like you in the family!"

"Leave him alone!" Sonny stepped forward.

"And you're no better." O'Malley spat. "Whoever heard of a gangster chef?"

"Enough." Lars growled. "Your words mean nothing here."

"Yeah?" O'Malley sneered. "At least I've got something other than words to throw at folks!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lars frowned.

"Only that you're a big-mouthed know-it-all, wimp!" O'Malley spat. "I'm surprised anypony ever said Caboose had no place in this family, when there's a couple of no-accounts like you sullying the Napoleon name!" I'm gettin' outta here, before you guys turn me into a loser too!"

O'Malley sauntered out of the room, leaving an indignant Lars and Sonny behind.

'Even Slot, the most violent and temperamental of us, was no match for O'Malley...'

As Slot walked past who he thought was Caboose, he shoved him lightly.

"Hey, watch where you're going, moron!" O'Malley yelled.

"What did you say to me?" Slot turned snarling.

"What are ya, deaf as well as blind?" O'Malley sneered. "I said watch where you're going, stupid!"

"Oh, that's it." Slot knocked his hooves together. "Nopony talks to me like that unless they want a beating."

"Is that so?" O'Malley got right up in Slot's face, flashing a very disturbing grin. "Try it."

"I, uh..." Slot actually backed away, freaked out by the look on O'Malley's face.

"Go on." O'Malley back Slot against a wall. "Give it to me, tough guy."

Left with no choice, Slot lashed out blindly. O'Malley grabbed his hoof, and flipped him onto his back, knocking the wind out of him.

"Time to face facts, Slotty." O'Malley smirked. "There's a new tough guy in this family, and it's not you."

O'Malley walked away, leaving Slot with his wounded pride.

'Our servants were no better off either...'

As the family butler brought Caboose an alfalfa and radish sandwich, he suddenly tripped on a snag in the rug, sending the sandwich and it's contents spraying across the floor.

"You idiot!" O'Malley took over. "Look what you've done, you clumsy dope!"

"My apologies, master Caboose-" The butler started.

"It's O'Malley!" O'Malley yelled. "Now clean up that mess, and make me a new one!"

"Yes, master O'Malley." The butler nodded, bending over to pick up the spilled food.

"And be quick about it!" O'Malley kicked him in the side.

"Yes, sir." The butler winced.

'Finally, it all came to head. Two weeks after our trip to the doctor, the brothers joined myself and Sandy in the study...'

"Grim, we've got a problem." Murray declared.

"What problem?" Grimoire asked.

"It's O'Malley." Salt declared, still nursing his wounded leg. "We can't take having around any more."

"That brutish barbarian is just too much." Lars agreed.

"I'll say." Vinny agreed. "He insulted my wine!"

"And my cannolis!" Sonny added.

"This can't go on." Murray sighed. "Caboose was one thing, but O'Malley is something else."

"No kidding." Slot nodded. "I say we send that psy-ke psycho off somewhere where he can't bother anypony ever again!"

"Wait, what?" Murray frowned.

"Whoa, don't you think that's a little drastic?" Sonny declared.

"Sonny's right." Grimoire agreed. "O'Malley may be a problem, but Caboose is innocent."

"Is he?" Lars asked. "O'Malley came from him. Technically, Caboose is just as much the problem as O'Malley."

"Yeah." Vinny nodded. "Trust Caboose to mess things up for us again..."

"Maybe we should send him away..." Sonny admitted.

"This is unbelievable... You'd do that to your own brother?" Sandy asked, disgusted.

"It's not like we have a lot of choice here." Salt pointed out.

"Caboose didn't have a choice at all." Sandy retorted. "And here you are, ready to condemn him, when it's your fault O'Malley's here in the first place!"

"Our fault?" Lars frowned. "I fail to see the logic in that statement."

"You guys have always treated Caboose like the low pony on the totem pole around here." Sandy declared. "Always making fun of him, pushing him around..."

"It's not our fault he's a loser!" Slot countered.

"But it is your fault that he ended up pushing all his bad feelings down." Sandy countered. "You were always putting him down, stomping on his self-esteem... Is it any wonder he repressed those feelings for so long?"

"If he weren't such a weed, he wouldn't need to repress anything!" Slot yelled.

"What about the whole Peaches thing?" Sandy asked. "It could have all been avoided if you'd just told Caboose she was using him. But no, you thought he had to learn for himself, and look what happened when he did. If anypony's to blame for O'Malley being here, it's all of you!"

"Look Sandy, we know this isn't Caboose's fault." Vinny declared. "But O'Malley is really messing things up around here. There's no telling what he might do to us in the future."

"But Caboose would never hurt any of you guys." Sandy protested. "You are blowing this way out of proportions."

"Oh?" Salt glared, as he held up his injured hoof, "You call this 'blowing it out of proportion'? He almost destroyed my boxing career!"

"Exactly!" Slot nodded. "None of us have ever hurt each other like that before! We give each other a couple black eyes and bruises every now and then, but never broken bones!"

"Slot makes a good point... for once." Lars added. "If O'Malley could inflict such a wound on one of us so casually, imagine what he could do if he were to really get angry."

"You don't think he'd... y'know, do you?" Murray asked worriedly.

"I wouldn't put it past him." Vinny admitted. "None of us know what O'Malley is capable of."

"But still, to send your brother away?" Sandy frowned. "How could you do that to Caboose? It's not his fault what's become of his mind!"

"It's a lousy hoof he's been dealt, sure." Sonny admitted. "But there's no reason the rest of us have to suffer for it."

"The guy's a menace." Salt frowned. "He messes with all of us, and even the servants."

"You have to admit Grim, Caboose has gotta go." Murray sighed. "For all our sakes."

"It's the logical thing to do…" Lars agreed.

"Grim, dear, you can't possibly be considering this." Sandy looked at Grimiore warily.

"I consider all options." Grimoire declared. "And the others are right about O'Malley being dangerous..."

"So you're going to exile him?" Sandy demanded. "Like he's some dirty little secret?"

"I'm not making this decision lightly." Grimoire told her.

"But you are making it!" Sandy pointed out. "How could you even considering throwing your little brother? If it weren't for Caboose, we would never have met!"

"Don't forget, I'm the don now." Grimoire declared. "If O'Malley could cause such problems in our own home, how knows what he could do to our agents? One misstep, and they'd suffer agony they don't deserve. And I'm not even getting into the operations he could ruin..."

"What are you saying, Grim?" Sandy asked.

"I'm saying... maybe we have no choice." Grimoire sighed. "Maybe we do have to send Caboose away."

"W-w-what?"

Everypony in the room froze up, as they turned to the door…and saw a mortified Caboose.

"Caboose!" Murray quickly put on a fake smile. "Hey..."

"Didn't know you were there..." Salt said warily.

"How's tricks?" Sonny asked weakly.

"What is this?" Caboose murmured, his voice registering hurt, "What do you mean, you're going to have to send me away?"

"Look, it's not what you think..." Vinny started.

"Oh, really?" Caboose snarled. "What is it then?"

"We were talking about... sending you on vacation!" Slot lied.

"Really?" Caboose sneered, his voice trembling. "I think you're lying..."

"Caboose, just stay calm..." Grimoire urged.

"Tell me the truth." Caboose growled. "You want to get rid of me, don't you?"

"No, not at all." Murray stepped. "You're talking crazy, bro..."

"Don't lie!" O'Malley emerged, clutching Murray's throat.

"Gak!" Murray gasped. "Caboose, please!"

"It's O'Malley!" O'Malley snarled. "O'Malley! Can't you get that through your head? Or do I have to beat it into you?"

"Easy, easy!" Salt said.

"Just calm down." Lars urged.

"Let. Murray. Go." Grimoire said firmly.

O'Malley released Murray, who gasped for breath.

"No more lies." O'Malley seethed. "You're tryin' to get rid of me, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah!" Slot yelled.

"Why?" O'Malley asked.

"Why do you think?" Vinny snorted. "Because you're a violent, psychopathic jerk!"

"What?!" O'Malley spat.

"'Sociopathic' might be a better term." Lars admitted. "You care about nopony but yourself, O'Malley."

"You treat us like garbage." Sonny added.

"Or worse, your own personal punching bags." Salt added, stroking his broken leg.

"Or targets." Murray added darkly.

"I'm sorry to say that they're right." Grimoire agreed. "You're a loose cannon, O'Malley. We can't trust you to be a part of our work."

"I hate to admit it, but Grim has a point." Sandy sighed. "You can't be trusted not to insult or maim your own brothers. You're too dangerous for us to trust you."

"You all... really think that?" O'Malley muttered, shocked.

"Just being honest." Slot taunted him.

"Oh, you want honesty? Is that it?" O'Malley sneered. He let out a chortle, "Okay, how's this for honesty: Caboose thinks you all are nothing but heartless buckholes!"

"Yeah, right." Slot snorted. "Caboose? Think of us all as buckholes? That dweeb can't hate to save his life."

The brothers nodded and muttered in agreement.

"I don't believe you." Murray glared at O'Malley. "You're making it up."

"Oh, is that what you think? That I'm making all this up?" O'Malley frowned. "Newflash, I know every single thing that goes on in Caboose's head! And I know all the contempt he holds for each and one of you."

He then closed in on Murray.

"Murder Revolver-Ocelot Napoleon." O'Malley sneered. "Caboose thinks that you are a smug butthole who thinks that just because he has a Spurnish accent he's some kind of a Casanova, and he hates how you never once let him use any of the fancier crossbows that circulated through this household, and how you treat him like a retarded foal who can't survive a day on his own. But he isn't... he can use crossbows just as good, if not better, than your self-satisfied flank! You consider yourself number two... you may be, but not in the way you would think..."

"What?" Murray gasped. "Caboose... thinks that about me?"

Then O'Malley faced Salt.

"Assault Statham Napoleon. Caboose remembers every single time you suckered punched him in the guts, or those noogies you gave him, or shoulder jabs, all just to get a laugh. But he never laughed. He asks himself what he had done to deserve such treatment. He thinks you are nothing but a brute who uses excessive force to make a point that you are some 'bonafide protector', but you are just a thug."

"Thug?!" Salt blanched.

"And then there's Vandal Cartman Napoleon." O'Malley gave a snide smirk at the scowling Vinny. "Caboose just cannot stand you. He hates how you hurt his feelings with your mean words and nopony liking him, and how you make fun of him. In reality, Caboose pities you, for you are nothing but a fat-flank foal with a potty mouth who should been rotting in a cesspool with all his cruddy alcohol."

"Caboose..." Vinny frowned. "I'm sorry..."

"And Arson Blaze Napoleon." O'Malley ignored Vinny, as he glared at Sonny. "I will admit, out of the others, you are the least irksome of the bunch... however, that does not excuse how you are a spineless wimp who joins in with the others in belittling me, who cannot think for himself, and must rely on others. And by the way, Caboose never liked half the stuff you made him eat."

"But... but I..." Sonny stuttered.

"And of course, his buddy, Larceny Atticus Napoleon." O'Malley glanced at Lars. "Caboose hates how you never shut up about your stupid math, your stupid science, and your super stupid theories regarding 'humans'. If anypony ought to be carted off to the looney bin, it ought to be you, you lanky, condescending filly-stein."

"Actually, it's 'philistine'." Lars murmured.

"Oh, buck you!" O'Malley snarled, as he then seethed at Slot. "...Ah, Manslaughter Lucky Napoleon. Who could forget you... Caboose has many bad thoughts about you."

"Yeah, right." Slot snorted. "He wouldn't dare think anything bad about me."

"You could not be any more wrong." O'Malley chuckled darkly. "Out of all the brothers, Caboose hates you the most. He hates how you push him around, how you almost kill him with your weapons, how you lose it every single day over the trivial things, and quite frankly, thinks that for Caboose being the foal of the family, you are a bigger baby than he is, who gets angry when things don't go his way."

"Hey, I don't get angry!" Slot yelled. "I ought shank ya, ya dumb-"

Slot stepped forward, only for O'Malley to slap him across the face.

"See what I mean?" O'Malley smirked.

"O'Malley, stop this at once!" Grimoire stepped forth. "If you expect me to believe that Caboose, honestly the nicest stallion I know, has such ill regard for us, you are-"

"And you!" O'Malley turned on Grimoire, much to his shock. "Grimiore Bonaparte Napoleon... there's no doubt that Caboose once held you with the highest regards. But even you, the one brother that Caboose thought loved him the most, let him down the hardest."

"What are you talking about?" Sandy frowned. "Grim's always loved him!"

"That's right." Grimoire nodded. "I promised... somepony very important that I'd watch out for him, and that's what I've done."

"Gimmee a break." O'Malley snorted. "You just stood back and watched while the others pushed him around, you never appreciated his ideas... you even let his heart get broken by Peaches! You knew she was bad news and he did nothing!"

"I, I just thought..." Grimoire spluttered, ashamed.

"That's enough." Sandy stepped forward. "Grim's made mistakes, but don't ever doubt that he cares about you."

"Ah, Sandy..." O'Malley gave a small sigh. "Caboose always did like you. Your kindness, your compassion, the fact that you always laughed at his jokes. In fact, one might say that he had a... crush... on you."

"What?" Sandy gasped.

"I don't believe it..." Grimoire frowned.

"No way!" Murray gasped.

"Whoa..." Salt gaped.

"Inconceivable..." Lars frowned.

"I never would've guessed..." Sonny added.

"If I had something in my mouth, I'd spit it out." Vinny admitted.

"Like he'd even have a chance with her." Slot snorted.

"However, Caboose knew that he had no chance with you... but that didn't make it hurt any less when you sided with Grim on telling him about Peaches..." O'Malley frowned. "Caboose thought you cared about him, but I guess he was wrong..."

"I do care about Caboose." Sandy declared.

"We all do." Murray added.

"Don't feed me that bull!" O'Malley yelled. "I know what you are! You're nothing but a bunch of bad brothers! Family, my plo-Ahhh!"

"O'Malley started convulsing, as Caboose returned.

"What... what just..." He noticed the others staring at him, their expressions mixed with anger, shock, and confusion. "What…what did O'Malley say just now?"

"Only that you think we're all jerks." Slot said bluntly and harshly. "And that you have the hots for Sandy."

"I never knew you hated me so much, Caboose." Salt sighed.

"All of us." Lars added.

"I... I..." Caboose spluttered, "Oh…man…no…"

"Is it true?" Grimoire asked. "Do you really hold us in such contempt?"

"No!" Caboose murmured, tears coming to his eyes, "No! I love you all! It's just…just…"

"This is a yes or no question, Caboose." Murray glared, "Do you really mean those things O'Malley said? About us being bad brothers?"

"...Yes!" Caboose burst into tears, burying his face into his hooves. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I deserve to be sent away! I deserve it!"

Caboose run out of the room, his crying echoing through the halls...

"Oh, Caboose." Sandy frowned, tears striking her own eyes. "I had no idea..."

"Neither did I." Grimoire nodded sadly.

"He really hates, doesn't he?" Vinny frowned.

"It would appear so, yes." Lars sighed. "As ludicrous as it would seem..."

The family feel into silence for a moment, until...

"Are we really bad brothers?" Sonny asked suddenly.

"No." Murray declared. "O'Malley just... twisted the truth"

"Yeah, that's it." Salt agreed, though a bit hesitant. "We're great brothers! Caboose doesn't know what he's talking about…"

"No." Sonny said in anguish. "No, we're not."

"Pardon?" Lars frowned.

"O'Malley was right. We all been treating Caboose like nothing." Sonny admitted, "Pushed him around, took him for granted, ignoring him…"

"Sonny, you're letting what O'Malley said get to you." Vinny pouted. "Tell him, Murray."

"...No... Sonny is right." Murray sighed, sitting down on the nearby sofa. "I should've treated Caboose better."

"And I guess..." Salt took the seat aside him. "I might have overdone it with the sucker punches. I had no idea that Caboose was that upset over them."

"I suppose I do drone on a lot..." Lars admitted.

"And I could have treated Caboose better..." Vinny sighed.

"Well, I don't know what you guys are moping about, I hadn't done anything wrong." Slot claimed.

"What are you talking about?" Murray growled.

"Yeah, you're no better than any of us!" Vinny glared, "We all know how you've always hated Caboose!"

"Heck, you called him weird looking the moment he was born!" Sonny frowned.

"What? Me? Hate Caboose?" Slot gaped. "You're kiddin' me, right? Why would I hate that little dweeb?"

"Well, for starters, you never stop insulting him." Lars pointed.

"In a brotherly way." Slot defended.

"And you go out of your way to bully him." Vinny declared.

"A little affectionate ribbing..." Slot shrugged.

"Cut the act." Murray growled. "You hate him, just admit."

"No, I... I don't..." Slot muttered. "You're all wrong."

"Slot..." Grimoire glared at him.

"Don't 'Slot' me!" Slot yelled.

"Slot, be honest." Murray glared.

"I... I.." Slot looked around. All the brothers were glaring at him. "Okay, fine, I hated him!" Slot confessed. "But I am not proud of it! Ever since that klutzy dolt came into our lives, I became the middle child! Being the youngest was the only thing I had going for me in this family! But then he comes in and instantly becomes the pony everypony likes!"

"That doesn't mean he deserved everything you did to him." Grimoire declared.

"You were his big brother." Sandy said firmly. "He deserved your love, not your hate."

"You don't think I know that!" Slot snarled. "I tried not to resent the guy but it's impossible for me! He's so dumb, and clumsy, and he eats all the radishes... and he's always so upbeat, and happy, and knows good jokes, he's always ready to help..." Slot started getting emotional.

"Dude... are you crying?" Vinny frowned.

"No, I got something in my eye." Slot sniffed sarcastically, before roaring, "Of course I'm crying!" He sat on the ground, shamelessly bawling. "I'm a horrible, despicable pony."

"There, there, bro." Salt comforted him, "You're not despicable... our cousin Gru, maybe, but not you."

"Besides, I'm the despicable one." Murray sighed. "Like when I had Caboose clean all my crossbows, just for dropping my favourite one in the mud."

"You call that despicable?" Lars snorted. "I once made Caboose copy out all my tax return forms, because I couldn't be bothered to do the work!"

"That's nothing!" Salt glared. "I once stuffed Caboose into a punching bag for ruining my brass hooves and beat up that bag!"

"I set him on fire!" Sonny stepped up.

"Oh, yeah?" Vinny growled. "I locked him in the trunk of the carriage for three days!"

"When did this become a competition?" Lars asked.

"I haven't been a good brother, either." Grimoire confessed. "I broke my promise to look out for Caboose... Anarchy must be rolling in his grave."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Grim." Sandy comforted him. "You did your best..." She suddenly trailed off.

"Sandy?" Grimm frowned, "What's wrong?"

"Do you hear something?" Sandy murmured.

"Nothing but these yahoos fighting over who mistreated Caboose the worst." Grimoire declared.

"What about the time I stuffed him in a mouse costume, and tricked him into going into the lion cage at the zoo by saying they wanted to be friends?" Slot asked.

"Dear... Dusty is usually awake by now." Sandy frowned, "So why isn't she giggling, calling, or even crying for us?!"

Dread instantly filled the room, as the brothers stopped their arguing, and Grimm went wide-eyed.

"You don't think..." Grimoire had a bad thought.

"No, he wouldn't..." Sandy gulped.

"Wouldn't he?" Lars countered.

"...Oh, Faust, Dusty!" Sandy cried.

In a panic, the brothers and Sandy rush over to Dusty's room. Grimm and co. were about ready to attack the moment they got in there…only to be greeted by a peculiar sight:

O'Malley was in the room, peering under Dusty's crib, apparently looking for something, only to stand up and glance down at Dusty.

"There we go, no monsters here." He smiled. "And even if there were, I'd beat 'em up for you."

"Thanks, uncle 'Malley." Dusty grinned.

"Anything for you, squirt." O'Malley tickled her.

"What the buck…" The brothers muttered in unison.

"What is wrong with this picture?" Murray frowned.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say O'Malley is actually being... nice." Lars gaped.

"No way..." Sonny frowned. "Not him..."

"This is a dream." Slot rubbed his eyes. "Gotta be..."

As soon as the little foal fell back asleep, O'Malley soon realized he was being watched, and turned to them.

"…What?" O'Malley frowned. "Dusty was afraid that there were monsters under her crib, and Caboose wanted to check it out."

"...O'Malley... um..." Grimiore muttered. "When we realised Dusty wasn't making any noises, we thought..."

"...Oh, that is cold." O'Malley glared. "First you think Caboose as some incompetent dolt, and now you think that he, let alone me would hurt a buckin' foal?"

"Hey, it's not like our worries weren't warranted." Salt glared back, holding up his injured hoof again.

"And we did plan to send you away." Lars explained.

"Well, you don't know me at all." O'Malley scoffed. "A vicious stallion I am, a vengeful one I am not."

"For that, we are relieved." Sonny gave a small smile.

"O'Malley..." Sandy stepped forth. "Look, we understand that we all let Caboose down on numerous occasions, some moreso than others... but do know that we all care for Caboose very much, and we all realized that we shouldn't had let Peaches do this to him."

"We're all sorry." Murray sighed.

"Not just for Peaches, but for everything." Salt added.

"For always making fun of you..." Vinny sighed.

"Ignoring you..." Lars continued.

"Never sticking up for you..." Sonny sighed.

"Pushing you around..." Slot declared. "You didn't deserve it, bro."

"Will you accept our apology?" Grimoire asked.

O'Malley's scowl faded, as Caboose returned.

"Yes!" Caboose hugged Grimoire. "And I'm sorry for thinking all those bad things."

"Say no more about it." Murray grinned, as the others joined in the hug.

"We all said things we didn't mean back there." Salt smiled.

"Sorry O'Malley broke your leg." Caboose sniffed.

"It'll heal." Salt assured him. "Besides, I've got three more."

After a few moments, the brother came out of the hug.

"So... where does that leave me though?" Caboose frowned. "Are you still going to send me away?"

"...No." Grimoire shook his head. "It seems we had all been hasty in our attempt to cope with O'Malley, that we never took in account how you would feel. That said, we won't send you, or O'Malley away."

Instantly, Caboose's face shifted to O'Malley.

"Really? No foolin'?" O'Malley lit up.

"Yes." Murray nodded. "Because split personality or not, you're still Caboose, thus, still a Napoleon. A part of our family."

"And family sticks together." Salt added. "No matter what."

"Aw... thanks." O'Malley gave a genuine smile. "Guess there's a reason Caboose sticks around with you guys after all..."

"I would hope so." Grimiore nodded, before frowning, "However, if this is ever going to work between us, things will have to change. You will start treating this family and all who works for us with respect. No more abuse."

"Okay." O'Malley sighed in annoyance. "But if I dial back on this, I want more respect for Caboose. The poor shrimp is too limp-noodled to ask for it."

"I believe we can pull that off." Grimoire nodded, as he glanced at his brothers, "Right, boys?"

"Right!" The brother chorused, nodding in agreement.

"So, do we have a deal?" Grimiore asked.

"Sure." O'Malley shrugged. "Just throw in a dirty picture of Sandy, and we're golden."

"What?!" Sandy yelped.

"Don't push your luck." Grimoire frowned. "Why would you even say that?"

"Hey, you said nothing about my go-getter attitude." O'Malley joked. "Figured I'd remind of it."

"Very funny." Grimoire snorted.

"Seriously, I was just kiddin'." O'Malley admitted. "Sandy's your gal, and I respect that. And to be honest, I respect all of you. It can't have been easy, apologising to a jerk like me."

"That's what family does." Sonny smiled. "They accept each other, no matter what."

"Family." O'Malley smiled. "I like that... C'mere, guys!"

O'Malley pulled the whole family into a hug.

"Little tight there..." Murray gagged.

"I think we're all gonna get along just fine from now on." O'Malley grinned.

"I still kinda wanna shank him." Slot whispered.

"Me too." Salt quietly agreed. "Just try and hold it in..."

'In time, we grew used to O'Malley. For all his roughness, there was some good in him. Caboose was the equinity that O'Malley needed to keep him sane, and O'Malley was the one who pushed him to his limits. However, all good things must come to an end. O'Malley would eventually grow tired of Caboose's 'equinity' and try to take all he had for his own. But he could not fight the one that had created him and although he did end up hospitalizing Caboose for a couple of weeks, Caboose ended up having full control of his body and mind once more. And at the same time, he would finally find love and marriage with Daring Do... and well... read for yourself.'

It was the night of Caboose and Daring's wedding, as the duo had arrived safely in Palomino Canals. Caboose carried Daring into the bedroom of their holiday abode, placing her gently on the bed.

"I've been waiting for this." Daring grinned. "Our first night together as a married couple."

"Me too." Caboose smiled, as he undid his tie and suit, "It's like a dream come true. How else can I explain how beautiful you look."

"Aw, you." Daring smirked, as she shimmied out of her dress. "You're quite the handsome, hunky hubby yourself."

The two soon found themselves laying on the bed, staring lovingly into each others' eyes.

"Amazing." Caboose smiled warmly. "I honestly didn't think we'd get this far. I mean, my foresight was never really the best, but really…I never thought you would put up with me so long."

"What do you mean?" Daring asked, confused.

"Come on, Dare, let's be serious." Caboose sighed. "When we met, I was a lovesick puppy with a bulldog of an alter ego hounding me. Then you found out that I was a criminal of a mafia empire, and then there was O'Malley trying to kidnap you and make you his mare. I mean, even I would had jumped ship at the O'Malley part."

"Well, Caboose, you certainly aren't the first stallion I met and dated that had problems." Daring mused. "Albeit none of them had a sentient second personality, but you had something they didn't."

"Like what?" Caboose raised a brow.

"Lots of things." Daring smiled. "An unwavering smile, undying loyalty, a good heart, how you always look on the bright side... that, and you're a lot of fun to have on an adventure."

"Thanks, Daring." Caboose smiled. "Not many mares have loved me the way you do. I never thought I'd have this chance at happiness."

"Luckily, you thought wrong." Daring smiled, as she brought him in for a hug, nuzzling against him fervently. "Now c'mere, husband of mine. I've been waiting a long time for it to be just you and me in bed, with no O'Malley..."

"You know something?" Caboose grinned. "O'Malley may be gone, but I still think I'll be able to do the work of two stallions tonight."

"Promises, promises..." Daring purred, as she then rolled atop Caboose. "But for now, let me take care of you..."

"Oooh." Caboose chuckled, as Daring went to work. "That doesn't feel very careful. Not that I'm complaining, though..."

'I think we should leave that scene here. But in case you're wondering, when Caboose came back from that honeymoon, and told me about his experience... well, let's just say...

'She was not like making love to a board.'

See you in the next chapter.