The Droubles of RariJack

by Twilicorn

Admitting Feelings

Rarity gave herself a reassuring smile in the mirror before carefully lifting the roses into her saddlebags. She could do this. She began trotting at a rapid pace, patting Opal on the head before leaving. Before she knew it, she was outside Sweet Apple Acres' gates. She could do this. She nosed open the gates, to see the house ahead's lights on, blotting out the stars with their orange glow. She walked carefully up there, slower now, and finally arrived, not after having stepped on several rocks. She flipped her hair, and raised her hoof to knock when she stopped and leaned in to listen. They were presumably done with dinner, so it was safe. She knocked three times, each one barely louder than Fluttershy's normal speaking voice. Somehow, it was Granny Smith out of all of them that heard it, and she was let in. She asked if she could speak with Applejack alone, and the family left the living room, Apple Bloom giving her a suspicious glance before leaving, walking backwards the whole time. Finally, they were alone. Rarity lifted the roses from her bag, Applejack giving her a bemused look when Rarity spoke.

"Applejack, I love you."

Comments

[That Guy]

I like this idea a lot, the whole snippets of story is really cute and leaves for a lot of imagination! A big change of pace from full blown stories, but the way you pulled it off made me like it

Great job!! Will be watching

[Professor Coruptus]

So we're reading the outline of a story? Looks good, like to see it made into a full fanfic though.

[TheVulpineHero1]

Aww...Y'know, I wrote you a big, long critique just now, but then I went to look at the story and used the wrong tab, and lost it. Now I can't be bothered to type out all of it again, so I'm just going to rattle off the major points.
It's interesting to see a drouble collection in which all the droubles are connected chronologically. The norm is that all the chapters wouldn't link to each other, and would instead try and tell a story/event by themselves as a standalone piece of work.
Not sure how well that works, however; you don't have enough space to describe both events and feelings caused by them, so it feels a little jerky to go from sleepover to love confessions in 1,200 words. It's an inherent limit with the word, I'm afraid.
Number one tip- learn which events you want to focus on, and which ones you can just infer. Writing a drabble or drouble relies, in part, on leading the reader to fill in the gaps. An example- you spend a sentence to tell us that the movie ends at 11pm as the clock bell rings. However, if the next thing they do after the movie is sleep, we can infer that it's late in the evening anyway, so we don't need to be told the exact time. Little stuff like that can really help you preserve words and pack a lot of meaning into a tight space.
Here's an example piece I cooked up in fifteen minutes or so, which pars down the major events of your first three chapters into 100 words.

The Sleepover
'By the glow of her magic's light, Rarity watched Applejack as she slept, splay-legged, ridiculous, her hay-coloured mane spreading behind her like a fan. The unicorn looked back through the day; saw Applejack, glowing with vitality, streaked with mud, unrefined but vivacious; saw her freshly showered and pristine, standing at her door; saw candlelight dance in her eyes over dinner. She remembered the nervous embrace in the shadows of the movie theatre; felt it slacken into something softer, warmer.
She looked at her strange, beautiful, uncultured friend, and snorted. It was not until morning that she realised she loved her.'

Changed the movie to being in a cinema to avoid ripping you off completely, and used the title metafictionally to inform the readers of the situation being a sleepover, both of which are fair game. All it is is the major events, recounted at one sitting, and with a few emotive words thrown in. You can see how much shortening you can potentially do.
Other than the inherent limits of the form, your story is pretty good. You might want to change the part in chapter 2 where the words artfully and art appear in two consecutive sentences, but other than that you're fine. It's always hard to work with a new format and form, but keep at it- I'm sure you can do it!

[Brony2]

Finally!
Some people are commenting
Awesome story so far man

[Twilicorn]

This is probably the best feedback I've gotten on any of my stories. Based on Vulpine's advice, I think I'll do this-
Finish the story as is (besides the artfully and art xD)
Make the last four chapters a bit more emotional and realistic
Add a final chapter or two as this in a fleshed out story. Then it'll be much more emotion packed and time spaced.

Now, in response to each of Vulpine's points-
1. Thanks. I wanted it to be a story, not ten xD
2. I might put another chapter of just flashback emotions in. Maybe. Otherwise, I see what you mean. I wrote these all in about an hour and a half, so they're not edited or anything (besides getting them to the proper number of words)
3. The clock was a reference to a story I read a while ago xD It really holds no meaning, and I see what you mean. This is why I failed out story outlines in 6th grade
4. ...I feel quite unaccomplished now. You summed up 600 words into 100. 30 minutes cut in half. But I now strive to write more stories like this, so I can make them like that. Sum up everything and actually plot out stuff instead of writing as I go. I have reason now. You are my muse! *evilcackle*

And thanks to all your comments also guys! You don't know how happy I am to get this feedback. Honest.