I don't know who is going to be in this story. I don't know what is going on in this story. I don't know where this story is going. I don't know when this story will be next updated. I don't know how this story is going to end. I DO know that I can't wait to find out! Consider yourself liked and faved!
Well... This has some potential, but is lacking quite a bit. It reads like the protagonist was asked what he did today at the dinner table. The pacing is just awful. I get that you wanted to get to the ponies, but this chapter just fired off as if it as recapping what happened in an entire story and this is it's prequel. It doesn't tell us anything about the main character, his power, why we should care about what happened to him, or even what happened to him. You fit what should have been 15-20k words into less than 5k. Honestly, I would suggest a complete redo, writing two or three chapters worth of his life before his death.
5616939 Firstly, we would like to thank you for your feedback. However, the reason it seems rushed is that the majority of the prologue was happening all in one scene. Wolf had been reminiscing, and rethinking everything that had happened in his past as he waited for the scent of his adversaries. This is why most of the background information is in past-tense while everything from the attack and forward is in present tense. So it isn't that we were rushing it so much as Wolf's background doesn't need too much information, currently. We have no need for too much filler, and we only wanted to convey the basics of his power so we can reference it throughout the chapters. (Unlike some fics, which dive straight into Equestria and come out with, "Oh, and I have this random power, too!")
My final two points we would like to make are that too many chapters of human world would detract from the MLP side of the story and put far too much focus on being a science fiction book. And lastly, we already had enough problems getting this prologue through moderation. Unfortunately, though we said it would be HiE, and we referenced different realities, the moderator was not thrilled that the prologue initially had nothing to do with Equestria. Which was understandable of course, but imagine if they had had to skim through 3-4 chapters of it. Thankfully, moderator was ever so generous as to agree to let it slide after we added those few paragraphs with Luna after the story was rejected a second time for the same reason.
To sum this up, we are sorry that you would have preferred to hear more details about Wolf's past. If we have more people who wish for the same thing, perhaps we could write a prequel book somewhere off-site (as it would not be pony-related at that point.) Thank you so much for reading and providing feedback, and we hope you enjoy the chapters that are yet to come!
First of all I'm just putting my money on that Discord is related to Mystery in someway. Second to get more backstory on Wolf why not let us find out along side the ponies? Third you have another like and fav
5617395 Then you should probably let us know he's reminiscing, not just change tense. Have a scene at the very beginning with him tracking them, or something. If people know he's reminiscing, the rushed feel would be more understandable.
5617524 First. Maybe so, maybe not, maybe she's his mother, maybe he's her pet potato salad. Maybe all are true and I'll never even touch on it! LOL
Second. I'm saying it now but It's because Wolf lies. A lot. He wouldn't tell the full truth about it because he doesn't want anypony to know just how much of a monster he is.
Third thanks that means a lot.
5616939 Um kinda forgot to mention it but Wolf is actually a crossover from an unpublished book of mine. So your actually right about the prologue seeming like a recap. It was supposed to be, then Pinkie came in glomped me and promised me a cupcake if I made it into a FIMfic instead. Still waiting on the cupcake. ;P
Interesting start, not bad. Tracking to see how you are gonna spin this.
I'm interested in a few questions in my head saying "will he have a pony form? And if so, which of the 3 (possibly 4 if you decide the rare kind of pony) will he be? "
BEFORE PEOPLE SAY THEY HATE THIS IDEA, IM NOT SAYING A PERMANENT PONY FORM, IM SAYING THAT IT WORKS LIKE HIS WOLF FORM, BUT ANYTIME!!!
"Human to pony back to human and etc." THAT is what I mean...
I'm not a fan of permanent pony transforming either...unless it happens for the ending chapter or 2.
There's only one fic I like that turns a human into a pony permanently at the start...
5625518Thanks. :D I'm going to spin it wieird places and try and balence the darkness of what must be done with the light of what shouldn't be done. (Yes Pinkie I'm looking at you -_- Stop breaking free of my writing and doing insane things.) no pony transformations, technically (He will use a magical illusion sort of thing that Discord make him so he can look like a pony for a reason we shan't spoils). however there are actually 8 pony forms in my story. Earth, unicorn, pegasus, alicorn, againap, moonicorn, thestral and last but not least, the currently unnamed and theoretical night pony alicorn. Wolf is naturally nocturnal to some degree so it's important to remember that the night ponies will be seen a lot and covered in detail.
5625620 luckily for you I'm insane so even in my most uninspired I'm barely in the realm of conceivable. Againap are the night pony version of earth ponies. No wings or horns, however, they possess shadow magics, between being able to cast areas of darkness to being able to manifest shadow blades that slice there targets.
wow. really well paced. for a story to go through this much detail in only 4k words... you might just be on par with the twisted spectrum in terms of writing quality. I really enjoyed this chapter, the imagery that came with every word was beautiful. and not a single aspect pointed him as over powered. the fact that he was born with these powers, honed them and trained himself... it was very well written. I applaud you sir/ma'am. thank you for allowing me the pleasure to read this chapter. I will now continue on to read the next chapter. good day and i bid you adieu. *bows before exiting*
5685719 You are in luck! I have just posted Chapter 2. I hope you don't get scared away by a certain aspect, though, as I know many do not agree with part of it. (Which I complain about, myself, in the Editor's Notes.) And thank you very much for the support! Coyote comes up with the ideas, but I pride myself with adding extra descriptors to make the story flow better and produce better imagery. We make a good team, even though I reem him out in my note section.
U KNOW I HAVE AK BVV3 CVVVVVVVVV24GT5RYGESRYFCHBRST6H4644UW56YRJDYRSTH46H4W6UHY6UWE4UY4W547YR54THYY555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555655555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555553WYG5W4TY54W65YUYVFEGD8UEUG8G98TY8TYRH8ER9-ERYOT5J87TFJ89TJR98RY7T4J*/R/4JRT/4HJR/T7R7U*/R7RH74NS9RY7J/R7J/RTHRSTH74/7S/7GTW/*5Y78T498T89TR889989889898998898989889999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999998989898 AND ITS AASSAULT RIFFLE FROM THEEEEEEE FUTRE
I’ll make sure I die an old man next time. I already did the whole dying as a true warrior and a man thing once. It hurts, and a Goddess makes jokes at your funeral.
I don't know who is going to be in this story.
I don't know what is going on in this story.
I don't know where this story is going.
I don't know when this story will be next updated.
I don't know how this story is going to end.
I DO know that I can't wait to find out!
Consider yourself liked and faved!
Well... This has some potential, but is lacking quite a bit. It reads like the protagonist was asked what he did today at the dinner table. The pacing is just awful. I get that you wanted to get to the ponies, but this chapter just fired off as if it as recapping what happened in an entire story and this is it's prequel. It doesn't tell us anything about the main character, his power, why we should care about what happened to him, or even what happened to him. You fit what should have been 15-20k words into less than 5k. Honestly, I would suggest a complete redo, writing two or three chapters worth of his life before his death.
5616287 you know what...what he said![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
5616939
Firstly, we would like to thank you for your feedback. However, the reason it seems rushed is that the majority of the prologue was happening all in one scene. Wolf had been reminiscing, and rethinking everything that had happened in his past as he waited for the scent of his adversaries. This is why most of the background information is in past-tense while everything from the attack and forward is in present tense. So it isn't that we were rushing it so much as Wolf's background doesn't need too much information, currently. We have no need for too much filler, and we only wanted to convey the basics of his power so we can reference it throughout the chapters. (Unlike some fics, which dive straight into Equestria and come out with, "Oh, and I have this random power, too!")
My final two points we would like to make are that too many chapters of human world would detract from the MLP side of the story and put far too much focus on being a science fiction book. And lastly, we already had enough problems getting this prologue through moderation. Unfortunately, though we said it would be HiE, and we referenced different realities, the moderator was not thrilled that the prologue initially had nothing to do with Equestria. Which was understandable of course, but imagine if they had had to skim through 3-4 chapters of it. Thankfully, moderator was ever so generous as to agree to let it slide after we added those few paragraphs with Luna after the story was rejected a second time for the same reason.
To sum this up, we are sorry that you would have preferred to hear more details about Wolf's past. If we have more people who wish for the same thing, perhaps we could write a prequel book somewhere off-site (as it would not be pony-related at that point.) Thank you so much for reading and providing feedback, and we hope you enjoy the chapters that are yet to come!![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
First of all I'm just putting my money on that Discord is related to Mystery in someway.
Second to get more backstory on Wolf why not let us find out along side the ponies?
Third you have another like and fav
5617395 Then you should probably let us know he's reminiscing, not just change tense. Have a scene at the very beginning with him tracking them, or something. If people know he's reminiscing, the rushed feel would be more understandable.
5617951
Thank you so much, that is actually a great idea! I will get right on working on that. :)
5618671 Happy to help![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
5617524 First. Maybe so, maybe not, maybe she's his mother, maybe he's her pet potato salad. Maybe all are true and I'll never even touch on it! LOL
Second. I'm saying it now but It's because Wolf lies. A lot. He wouldn't tell the full truth about it because he doesn't want anypony to know just how much of a monster he is.
Third thanks that means a lot.
5616939 Um kinda forgot to mention it but Wolf is actually a crossover from an unpublished book of mine. So your actually right about the prologue seeming like a recap. It was supposed to be, then Pinkie came in glomped me and promised me a cupcake if I made it into a FIMfic instead. Still waiting on the cupcake. ;P
5618722 I want that unfinished story
5618722 Oh yeah. Dash said she was going to help... I haven't seen her since...
5618751 It's not typed up currently. After I type it up and edit it I'll put a link to the gdoc.
Interesting start, not bad. Tracking to see how you are gonna spin this.
I'm interested in a few questions in my head saying "will he have a pony form? And if so, which of the 3 (possibly 4 if you decide the rare kind of pony) will he be? "
BEFORE PEOPLE SAY THEY HATE THIS IDEA, IM NOT SAYING A PERMANENT PONY FORM, IM SAYING THAT IT WORKS LIKE HIS WOLF FORM, BUT ANYTIME!!!
"Human to pony back to human and etc." THAT is what I mean...![:twilightangry2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightangry2.png)
I'm not a fan of permanent pony transforming either...unless it happens for the ending chapter or 2.![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
There's only one fic I like that turns a human into a pony permanently at the start...
5625518Thanks. :D I'm going to spin it wieird places and try and balence the darkness of what must be done with the light of what shouldn't be done. (Yes Pinkie I'm looking at you -_- Stop breaking free of my writing and doing insane things.) no pony transformations, technically (He will use a magical illusion sort of thing that Discord make him so he can look like a pony for a reason we shan't spoils). however there are actually 8 pony forms in my story. Earth, unicorn, pegasus, alicorn, againap, moonicorn, thestral and last but not least, the currently unnamed and theoretical night pony alicorn. Wolf is naturally nocturnal to some degree so it's important to remember that the night ponies will be seen a lot and covered in detail.
5625552
I register some of those as sub versions of earth, Pegasi, or unicorn (respectively of course) .
spunds interesting and different compared to the usual that I see. Hopefully the actual parts will keep true to that.
:
Many have said that...and failed...
Also...againap??? Never heard that one...
5625620 luckily for you I'm insane so even in my most uninspired I'm barely in the realm of conceivable. Againap are the night pony version of earth ponies. No wings or horns, however, they possess shadow magics, between being able to cast areas of darkness to being able to manifest shadow blades that slice there targets.
Guess who shall be editing chapter 1 tonight?![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
A bit choppy, but interesting enough. I'll give it another chapter or two for me to decide on this.
wow. really well paced. for a story to go through this much detail in only 4k words... you might just be on par with the twisted spectrum in terms of writing quality. I really enjoyed this chapter, the imagery that came with every word was beautiful. and not a single aspect pointed him as over powered. the fact that he was born with these powers, honed them and trained himself... it was very well written. I applaud you sir/ma'am. thank you for allowing me the pleasure to read this chapter. I will now continue on to read the next chapter. good day and i bid you adieu. *bows before exiting*
5685719 You are in luck! I have just posted Chapter 2. I hope you don't get scared away by a certain aspect, though, as I know many do not agree with part of it. (Which I complain about, myself, in the Editor's Notes.) And thank you very much for the support! Coyote comes up with the ideas, but I pride myself with adding extra descriptors to make the story flow better and produce better imagery. We make a good team, even though I reem him out in my note section.![:rainbowwild:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowwild.png)
- Velvet Dash
U KNOW I HAVE AK BVV3 CVVVVVVVVV24GT5RYGESRYFCHBRST6H4644UW56YRJDYRSTH46H4W6UHY6UWE4UY4W547YR54THYY555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555655555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555553WYG5W4TY54W65YUYVFEGD8UEUG8G98TY8TYRH8ER9-ERYOT5J87TFJ89TJR98RY7T4J*/R/4JRT/4HJR/T7R7U*/R7RH74NS9RY7J/R7J/RTHRSTH74/7S/7GTW/*5Y78T498T89TR889989889898998898989889999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999998989898 AND ITS AASSAULT RIFFLE FROM THEEEEEEE FUTRE
If you think about it, we literally learned to kill it with fire.
He hates fast food employees and pub workers?
Monk
"Yes, I will eat the Fear Turkey." -Illua