The Forbidden Love

by Madman Stories CO

Remember Me

Author's Note:

It's called chapter 3 because I couldn't think up a title if you think up a good title for this chapter post it in the comments

Also I will not go into detail on the last part I may be sick and twisted but not in that way so deal with it

We've been happily married for about a year when Okzinous asked me "Honey should we have a foal together?"

I simply replied to him "WHAT?!? How would he/she even fit in in pony society or demon society also why."

He said to me "Because if the Devil found out about us he'd have me executed and if that does happen I want you to have something to remember me by."

I could tell he was super serious about this so I said to him "Well than first lets just pick a name for him/her."

He told me "I kinda want to name him Death."

I asked him "Why?"

"Because, with his/her DNA being half demon there is a good chance some aspects of his/her personality will be cynical and dark and I think his/her name should reflect that." He explained.

So I told him "Okay but just Death won't do that will make him/her an outcast. How about Death Shadow it rolls off the quite nicely doesn't it."

He asked "Why Shadow?"

"Because his name is already sorta cynical plus I remember once when you told me that Demon are very loyal to thier friends so he/she will always have his/her friends back he'll be like thier shadow in a way." I replied

"Well Death Shadow it is then!" He said happily.

That night was unlike any other I would have to be one of the most romantic nights of my life a wonderful date a my favorite restaurant finished of with some fun in the bed room.

Comments

[Phaedra]

Forgot to mention. You're writing a first person fanfic, and switched POVs. That's confusing for the reader.

Anyways, about this chapter. So, your reasoning for having a foal was because Satan forbids marriage between demon and mare? Funny, I think I remember something like that…

The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown.

-Genesis 6:4

"Sons of God" in this verse refers to demons. So, why would Satan forbid this if it worked perfectly well last time and even contributed to getting 99.99% of humanity destroyed? Care to explain?

As hard as I've been on this fanfic, it really is a 5/10. It's nothing fabulous, nothing horrid, just par. Which explains why I didn't upvote or downvote. (By the way, I think you upvoted your own story, since it had one upvote since its publication).

Anyway, you've improved. That's always good.

[Madman Stories CO]

5476528 well when I do the story of how Death Shadow masterd combat it won't be as easy as monkey see monkey do anymore

[Madman Stories CO]

5476560 reread I maid it seem a little less contrived in chapter 2

[Madman Stories CO]

5476528 also you'll see Satan's personality a good bit more in chapter 4

[The Blessed One]

As for this chapters name:

How about "The Conception of a 'insert whatever you want Shadow Death to be, hero, villain, anti-hero etc'".

Or "The Naming"

Or "Remember Me"