Chapter 1
“I would like to congratulate all of you on your presentation of magical excellence throughout the past weeks. Many of you have shown your potential during these preliminary to be higher than expected, but unfortunately as with every year, we are required to only give a select few a full waiver of expenses into Solaris’ College for Talented Unicorns.”
The Headmaster to the college was blunt in his explanation to the mares and stallions before him, seeing many trembling at the forthcoming announcements.
“That being said, those who receive a B Rank or higher placement will be provided with a significant discount in tuition. For now, let us have our S Ranks come forward and present themselves. When you hear your name, please proceed up to the stage.”
No matter where I am, it seems that I will never escape the hot air of Canterlot. Hopefully I won’t have to kiss up to them any longer.
One particular mare amidst the crowd of ponies seemed to be impatiently awaiting the results, perhaps more than others. A silver maned pony who had been attracting attention ever since she had arrived for that week of testing, who’d blown through most of the exams that others had spent most of their lives worrying and cramming for, who had her background in question since her appearance. There was much distrust for a unicorn with such talent to appear out of nowhere, nonetheless in a world where the gender ratio was at times perceived to be a little bit off balance, but not enough to worry for.
Trixie, however, found it difficult to concern herself with the social politics of the academy. This college, this life, it was all a second chance for her. A past mistake left her with a desire to examine all possible outcomes of course. And while the pony who called her out on her prideful behavior was at a level of intelligence possibly beyond her grasp, she wasn’t one to ‘always’ quit and run... Just sometimes.
“Harpford Strings”
One of the first voices announced for the S Rank grade echoed through the auditorium, a teal colt ascending the stage.
“Just Harp please.”
The Headmaster gave him a glare, a little annoyed by his correction as the rest of the room seemed to laugh in amusement. A comment like that and they’re amused, hmm? Either these ponies have a terrible sense of humor or they’re just as sheltered as I thought they’d be. Looking around the room for some pony who wasn’t as daft as the others, her eyes caught the indigo maned stallion staring with what seemed to be contempt for his peers, head swaying left and right as he seemed to be also hunting for somepony else not entertained by what was a mere passing comment. The two made eye contact and he grinned a bit, giving a wave of the hoof to Trixie.
Dusk Shine... At least I believe I can count on him to grasp something that isn’t all that clever. She sighed and nodded to him, doing her best to not flash too much of a positive demeanor to him. Trixie was there to take another shot at getting to know the element of magic, the one who managed to purge the darkness from the Nocturne Knight and restore Prince Artemis to his original state. However, unlike the infinite praise his female counterpart received in her reality, the response from the other males was the exact opposite. The competitiveness of many colts and stallions in this world led to a bitter rivalry between Dusk and the other ponies, the stallion at times walking alone from exam to exam, spending very little time amongst others.
“Starlight Sonata.”
Another name called, followed by a small yelp as a young mare was shoved around by the other stallions. She hurried her way onto the stage, the pony doing little to pull Trixie out from her train of thought.
Though, I suppose a few years at this academy away from his friends isn’t a huge deal. Elusive runs a shop here in Canterlot, Applejack and Berry visit on their weekly trips for shipments from Sweet Apple Acres and both Butterscotch and Blitz- Oh dear sweet Celestia, have I really talked with him enough to actually remember all their names? Her hoof hit her face as names continued to be rattled off, sighing as she shifted around slightly to accommodate the various ponies heading to the stage, glaring at a few stallions who seemed to almost charge up there. But this was my plan, was it not? Get to know this pony better at all costs... Even if I didn’t mean to end up in a world where she was no longer a mare.
This was the one lone thing that perplexed the magician to this day. Trixie expected a world to parallel her own, but the changes were significantly more dramatic than expected. From the various quick buck biographies she’d read about Princess Luna’s ‘savior’ to the factually chronicled news articles, there was very little kept secret about Twilight’s life, not counting anything afterwards in ponyville, most figuring that such a significant girl heading to a podunk village like that wanted to give up on a more fame filled future. However, in this reality she’d found very little to mirror the events of the other world. Between the disposition from other ponies towards Dusk and the fact that the event had only occurred a month at best prior to her arrival, Trixie learned most about the young stallion first hand.
That as well confused her, the almost unnatural but pleasant cooperativeness the two were having. There was almost a magnetism, as if they found themselves unable to avoid socializing when they could. But not keen just yet on opening herself fully to her former one-upper now stallion acquaintance, she kept their relationship just so. They met for lunch on occasion, had a few study sessions together but the idle chatter wasn’t constant. If anything, it was more one sided, as Dusk Shine respected Trixie’s privacy.
“Dusk Shine.”
Trixie’s eyes darted from the Headmaster to Dusk, seeing him sink his head down and cower a bit. What came next quite frustrated the mare.
“Let’s give a round of applause to the stallion who basically used being a hero as a free pass into the college!”
A stallion from the back shouted, making the room erupt with laughter.
“It’s not like some hick from Ponyville basically waltzed in and stomped on the status of the rest of us here, oh no, not at all!”
More snide remarks continued on as Dusk Shine climbed the stairs to the stage, head still hanging low as Trixie’s annoyance continued to build.
“Oh you ponies should stop, Dusk didn’t essentially because Solaris’ best friend overni- OH WAIT, NEVERMIND.”
Between the pathetically sarcastic jokes and the amount of noise, she’d had enough. However, her hoof stomped in unison with a much larger outburst from the stage.
“ENOUGH!”
Such a voice to send all the other ponies in the room quaking with terror could only have belonged to one pony in particular, as the ponies on stage turned to their sides and watched the white alicorn slowly proceed from behind the curtains.
“Prince Solaris! But the plan was for you to come out at the end and congra-”
“Yes headmaster, that WAS the plan. But naturally, I gave my subjects too much credit. I expected maturity and humility from them all, but I can see that the general opinion is outweighing the facts here.”
Solaris’ wings burst outward from his side, artificially adding to his already intimidating appearance as he shouted out at the students within the crowd.
“The FACTS here are that Dusk Shine and all those before you on this stage excelled in the fields of magic the REST of you failed to show the level of aptitude required for such recognition. If you wanted to be up here, you clearly didn’t work for or want this respect as badly as these others did.”
Silence began to wash over the crowd, Trixie raising an eyebrow at the Prince’s criticism of the other ponies. Well well well, forgive my misjudgement Solaris, I don’t think anypony else could have said it better. She couldn’t help but stifle a small chuckle, struggling to not let it turn into actual laughter and let the others know how little she thought of them.
“Now then, if you would like to be up here and join the rest of them, by all means, be my guest! I’m sure everypony will appreciate it when you’re struggling to keep up with the standards set for S-Rank students. I mean, if you have no problems making a foal out of yourself in front of those who’ve been recognized as being the best potential offered to the professors here, then please come on stage now.”
With the ruler of Equestria essentially calling out the entirety of the freshmans to prove themselves superior, they all seemed to finally take a hint. A few more cold stares from the prince seemed to shut up the last few ponies still laughing to themselves, before the announcements rolled onward. With only a few other S-Rank students called out, they proceeded onward through A, B and C rank students. With everyone breaking into idle chatter about their plans for the semester, one lone mare couldn’t be bothered to pull her gaze from the floor.
So in the end, after I spent a year working on that spell, a full month getting to know Dusk and busting my flank on all that work, it was completely usel-
“Ahem, excuse me? Stallions and Mares, quiet please. I’m sorry to interrupt but there is one more announcement.”
Even with all the other ponies confused by the disruption, Trixie had already begun to admit defeat. The words that bellowed through the room next from the Prince who returned to the center stage were ones that would start the mare along the road she’d planned to travel all along.
“We have received a last minute correction for the S-Rank students, it seems there’s been one more addition to the S-Class students. Would Trixie Lulamoon please come forward?”
Oh horseapples.
Those very angry stares that Dusk had received earlier were now focused squarely on her, garnering attention she once craved, but now unwanted from those she valued very little. Her mind dug for days prior, bringing out the Trixie she used to be. If she was to be singled out, she would rub salt in the wounds of her fellow students.
“My my my, it seems the Great and Powerful Trixie may very well be proof of Prince Solaris’ concepts after all! Seems I did really want it as badly as the rest of my fellow S-Ranks did. Sorry boys, guess you’ll have to try next year.”
Trixie nearly skipped onto the stage, before stopping herself and resuming an elegant trot towards the Prince. Hovering before her wrapped in a golden aura was a hair clip, studded with a eight sided blue sapphire. Immediately, the mare froze in her tracks and looked up to the alicorn standing before her, seeing a soft smile across his face.
“Miss Lulamoon, I would like to congratulate you for being the first mare and the first pony in a century to place with such high scores amongst your tests in a first run. You’ve set quite a bar for your peers to reach, but I hope in turn you’ll show us the kind of humility and grace one would come to expect of a possible future graduate from my college.”
Jaw hanging almost off the hinge, she shook her head and took a deep breath, looking back up and nodding to the prince. Carefully, he placed the clip in her hair and turned back to the crowd.
“All non-S-Rank students, please proceed to the mess hall for dinner. The rest, I will meet you in my private dining hall. Miss Lulamoon and I need to talk for a moment.”
Taking the order from their ruler with no question, the other colts and mares followed the attendant along to the dining hall as Solaris led Trixie back stage. Making their way for a door in the back, they proceeded down a series of hallways. Minutes passed before one of the ponies finally spoke.
“You have to forgive me for that presentation there on the stage, my tolerance for those students only lasts so long. I expect everypony in Equestria to be proud and accomplish their goals for the right reasons... It’s merely a side effect that some perceive that as an excuse to be childishly rude to their fellow ponies.”
The mare was torn. On one hoof she wanted to speak in protest and compliment his handling of the situation. On another, she desperately wanted answers. The hair pin looked more like some kind of gemstone broach, one that looked very familiar to Trixie. The very sapphire that belonged on her cloak, a set of belongings she’d put away in a safebox in a bank in Canterlot. After freeing it from her mane, she looked at it close up and noticed it was not in fact her own broach but a replica.
Still, Trixie was squirming with worry at this point. She went over the initial trip to the bank in her head many times, making sure it actually happened, being that in this new world she occasionally questioned the reality around her and the one she originally came from.
“Goodness, it wouldn’t do you some harm to not ponder and worry over every possible thing my subject. Well, I guess it really isn’t fair to call you ‘my’ subject, now is it?”
Trixie found herself unable to walk any further after the Prince broke their silence. Surely by now, there was no further secrecy that could last. If he questioned and she answered, anything that would escape her lips would only incriminate her further. So she chose honesty, hoping it would pay off.
“How did you know? What... What was it that allowed you to know I’m not from, well, your Equestria?”
Solaris laughed for a moment, but ceased quickly as he saw the eyes of the other pony slowly beginning to twitch.
“Ah. Um, walk with me for now, this would be quite awkward to discuss in such a stand off. We’ll be joining the others momentarily, I just wanted to take this longer route so we could talk.”
Hesitant to follow, but unable to feel that running was an unsuitable idea, she began a slow trot once more.
“A mare appearing out of the blue like yourself whom I’ve never seen or met before entering into my academy with such ease? That itself was odd enough. Then proceeding to pass all entrance exams with above average scores, putting on a dazzling show during your talent test that rivals some of the best showponies at the college, and finally being placed in such a rank pretty much told me an investigation was needed.”
Slowly they entered the library, empty at this time of year, only a few ponies checking over the shelves to make sure everything was in place and prepared for the rush of pre-class studies likely to occur the next afternoon. Trixie stared in awe, witnessing something that she figured she never would have had the luxury of gazing upon in her homeworld.
“So clearly you did more than break into my lockbox, right? The comment earlier, me not being your subject. If you would like Trixie- I mean me to stop worrying, I’d like to know just how much you know about me.”
Though he wasn’t about to openly admit it, Solaris was somewhat fond of mindgames, slightly enjoying the anxiety that the pony beside him was clearly experiencing.
“Well, how can I put it... There’s this generally accepted concept of the flow of magic, it’s called-”
Trixie sighed.
“The Astral Line Theory, correct? The idea that magic is unified through a stream of energy flowing across the entire world?”
Another laugh from the Prince, continuing onward out of the library and into another empty hall that passed through the A, B and C rank dorms.
“Except it goes beyond the world. It connects through time, space and layered dimensions. There are an infinite number of expanding realities that truthfully, we were not destined to control so much as respect and understand. And when I investigated your belongings, I felt a very faint magic that was unfamiliar to our Astral Line and well, I’m taking a leap of faith at this point.”
At this point, it was becoming clear that confiding from the prince would be pointless. So, against much internal protest, Trixie let everything out.
“Where I come from, you are known as Princess Celestia, you have a sister named Luna and the very six who saved her... Well him in your case, were all mares.”
“So essentially, there are just more mares in this world?”
Trixie gave a firm shake of her mane.
“No, not at all. In fact, there’s much that was quite the inconvenience to learn about your world that was drastically different from my own.”
Quickly, the two briefly bonded over a sharing of various facts about their worlds, Solaris divulging details that could have been considered classified information to others. He did his best to make a long story short, pointing out the differences between her former reality and his. To Trixie’s amazement, she slowly found herself coming to enjoy the company of this realm’s prince more than she had expected. Albeit the mare herself never got a private audience with Princess Celestia, the various quotes and stories she’d read about her painted the alicorn as this ‘perfect’ leader.
Perhaps this is what intrigued her the most about this realm, the absence of perfection. The very orientation she’d just attended seemed to be a perfect example of such a thing. Her encounter with Twilight, the defeat and her months of study afterwards pointed to a general concept Trixie had begun to accept as a fact: The perfection and flawlessness she’d at one point seeked to achieve was not a reality. But those ponies in their happy little world free of worries and problems that all seemed solved by some all knowing Princess, at times made her wonder what enjoyment there would be in such a world with its inhabitants living so care free.
Something to ask him another time... Personal views and whatnot, I don’t need to be openly voicing irrelevant ideas right now. Slowly their conversation came to current events, going over the Prince’s outburst towards his college students earlier. He asked her to speak freely and Trixie was eager to respond.
“If you ask me, you put them in their place. They’ve become so absorbed in their own greatness that they cannot grasp that were it not for the actions of Dusk Shine and his friends, their treasured academy would likely be rubble. Not that I wish it Your Majesty, merely stating a possibility.”
Hearing someone compliment his more blunt approach to handling his subjects was something he appreciated more than he assumed the mare knew. But her praise lead to a moment of silence as he dug through his thoughts, stopping at the door to the dining hall.
“Miss Lulamoon, I... Wouldn’t be wrong in assuming you have or at least had a great deal of pride at one point in your life, right?”
Trixie gave a short nod, but was quick to correct him.
“But I took some time to understand that perhaps my pride wasn’t worth its value. After all, when a mare can single handedly quell a celestial beast, forcing out the truth behind one of the biggest lies you’ve told and prove her superiori-”
“It’s okay, I get it.”
Trixie huffed in protest a bit, but knew he was right in stopping her from further beating herself up. I’ve done enough of that to last me a lifetime. Of course with the shift from a low tone to that of a head one, it wasn’t too difficult for the Prince to figure out when to cut the conversation short.
“I have a request then. I’ve caught word of your occasional interactions with Dusk Shine, such as how you’ve spent time studying together. Granted, it was a good means of him attempting to socialize, but I’ve been concerned about him since he arrived at the academy. He’s shown amazing leadership skills and tenacity similar to what I’ve seen in his sister Shimmer Shield. She took up being the Captain of my Royal Guard a few months ago, I’d like to maybe see Dusk as least have similar potential in his own work someday.”
The solar prince let out a long sigh, almost a groan before he spoke again.
“His kindness and humility however, tend to only hurt him in the end. He’s taken endless ridicule, meaningless sabotage and some rather intense threats from other students. I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I think it’s been sheltered for too long. I’d like to think maybe if he has an example to follow, it would encourage him to open up and speak his mind more. What I’d really like though, is for him to change. It’s not that there’s something wrong with him, so much as it is he hasn’t had to rely on himself before. His friends back in Ponyville did a fine job making up for him and each other’s flaws, I figure that’s what caused them to bond.”
So what does he think I can do then? I’ll just be another friend for him to lean on. This one point bothered Trixie the most, feeling as though the Prince was perhaps giving her more credit than he should.
“I guess to identify the core of the problems, he sees the flaws in others around him but feels as though his own outweigh theirs in significance. When I met with him after the announcements, he told me that it was in their right to complain, that sometimes it was the burden of others to bear mild hate and anger.”
“He figures it’s unavoidable, right? Rather than protest other ponies opinions against him, Dusk would prefer attempting to ignore them. And since they can get away with harassing him, it leaves him little room to behave as himself, correct?”
Solaris raised a hoof to his muzzle, before he looked down to the mare beside him.
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it. As I said, without his friends here I’m concerned he doesn’t feel comfortable being himself. So, I guess in a way I’m asking you to be his friend here. But I want you to do more than that, I want you to bring out his sense of pride that I know is buried deep down. He’s a smart stallion for sure, but his social skills are lacking significantly. I’m not about to assume you’re some pony of high social awareness, so much as it is I can respect your ability to realize the difference between genuine criticism and needless whining. However...”
His eyes closed, followed by another heavy sigh.
“This change in him cannot be rushed. It must be slow and steady, nurtured into a realistic concept. He needs to learn balance, a means of controlling his emotions in a state of stress. At respect of Dusk’s privacy, I won’t detail much but there were some complications during his ‘talent’ portion of the test. We still gave him the placement he deserves of course... But we fear without the proper treatment he could become unstable one day.”
Trixie raised an eyebrow to this statement, curiosity piqued further than before. She didn’t have time to question him further, as Solaris seemed to wrap up his request.
“I believe that you have the ability to be the kind of friend he needs during his time here. Even though his friends will be granted visits with him when they drop by, he needs someone at his side to have his back. I believe you two will get along well, so I’d like you to spend as much time with him as possible. Studying, eating meals, classes, etc. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if he has someone who I believe he admires... And perhaps might even like with him that frequently during the day, I figure you’ll rub off on him in due time.”
Admire hmm? Who figured it would turn around like this. But that last part... Part of her wondered if there was truth to that or if it was just another one of Solaris’ mind games. Even more of her questioned something further, going so far back as to wonder just what might have influenced her arrival to this particular instance of Equestria. However, a tap of a hoof at her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts and back to reality, the Prince preparing to open the door.
“Let’s not keep them waiting any longer shall we? Dusk and the others are waiting and I’m sure they’re all looking forward to meeting you, Great and Powerful Trixie.”
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Curse you TRIXIE!
Will be watching out for the next chapter. Interesting start and looking forward to seeing where this is going.
Kinda threw us in at the deep end here, didn't you? I think the story would benefit from a little bit more lead-up; Like, why and how did Trixie decide to dimension hop? What exactly are the extent of the differences between the two Equestrias? Additionally, you need to make it more clear when Trixie is talking to herself, because the shift from third to first person perspective, sometimes within the same sentence, is both jarring, and poor form.
I hate the "On a Cross and Arrow" alternate reality with its misogynistic undertones, but This has interesting potential. I think I'll keep an eye on it.
527644
...Crap, I forgot to convert the italics into this document over from gdocs.
Lemme get to work on that. Thank you for pointing it out, I promise it was originally made more clear what was 'thoughts' from Trixie and what wasn't. Italics added in should fix this.
And yes, I completely intend to keep everyone in the dark on a lot of things for now. Like I said, I'm winging it at the moment but I do have some specific ideas in mind, ones I'm almost certain everyone will either find enjoyable or at least different. If I gave the ideas away now or had a lead up well... It probably wouldn't have that engrossing factor it does at the moment. However, I do feel like the story can still be easily enjoyed as it is right now. I went over in my head a couple of times if I really wanted to play it out this way and really, it works for me. Some commentary from my friends (and pre-readers) suggested that this was fine, that they were interested enough in the first chapter that they really didn't want me to spoil anything I had no plans to reveal anytime soon.
Anywho, italics fix inbound shortly!
Update: Italics added, will attempt to write the chapters on here from now on to avoid annoying problems like that.
I echo 527644 's notes. Italicize thoughts. Give us more background, maybe start earlier in the story than this.
Spend some time on set-up and descriptions and don't be in such a hurry to get things moving. Help us learn how and if this universe differs from Cross and Arrow.
Scratch that.
Starting earlier in the storyline would definitely make this a better story. As it is, the chapter feels like a rushed and poorly mixed jumble of back-story and current events.
This was a struggle for me to read, but I liked the idea enough to try and stay engaged through to the end.
Run this by some editors, overhaul it, and try again. You have the potential, now you need the practice.
Oooh I'm liking this so far. Can't wait for more!
527719
That's the thing though, this IS where the story starts. Beginning from the very moment which set in motion Trixie's current situation would unfortunately be very boring, both for me to write and for the readers to read.
Let me put away some worries though, I don't mean to make this a blatant shipping fic. I'm looking to seriously do more with this and right now, and I really mean this, the abstract structure of storytelling allows me to focus on the stuff that's actually interesting and worth being 'episode/chapter 1' material is what I wanted to focus on. So as much as I hate to make this comparison (but it's all I can think of...
), think of it being similar to the first episode or two of Full Metal Alchemist and Brotherhood. I mean yeah, there's enough in there to give you some small tiny bits of backstory, but the juicy stuff gets revealed in like, episodes 2/3, right? So that being said...
Chapter 2 or 3 will be the point wherein I add in more backstory but really, if I do it THIS early I'd be showing about half of what I have up my sleeve for this story. Again, being that I'm winging it I really haven't planned out the pacing of what will be revealed when. I intend one of those chapters to have a flashback and hell, one may be MOSTLY comprised of being a flashback.
So yeah, I know it's a bit hard to read but I hope ya'll will bear with me . It's just my writing style. Trust me when I say I'm open to criticism, but unfortunately it's just gotta go this way. It's how I feel the story is working at the moment. I REALLY tried planning for Woven Right and holy hell did it not work out for me.
Since I already knew everything I was gonna do chapter to chapter, scene to scene, I lost interest in writing it fast. It was the same with the introduction, the first chapter was really a snore fest so I thought, 'Well, if I wanna pull people in I gotta leave them in the dark... In a basement... 50 ft below ground... Without any matches... And no li-' I think you see where I'm going with that analogy.
I don't wanna kill this story because of the same mistakes I made with my other fic... It's a case of personal preference more than it is a writing problem, as I'm very aware that this probably is not the best choice of how to do it. But for me, I'm having the most fun writing in this way. And really, that's what I'm here to do with it.
But I do appreciate the commentary and I will take in the suggestions that readers have. At the least, I will take your comment and over the next couple days, see if maybe 'in my mind' I can structure things a little better so that way readers aren't in the dark for TOO long.
...3/4 chapters into the story at best and then MOST of the backstory will be covered, promise.
I think I'm gonna like this.
Awesome, a rule 63-fic that actually concerns the epitome of manliness and awesomeness that is Prince Solaris.
Very good job! I found everything believable, and no grammatical failures.
But the very, very best part of this is the fact that you put in slight differences between the male 6 dimension and the mane 6 dimension.
Now... If I could get done with my Sweetie Chronicles picture I could maybe draw something for this...
Oh, and what/will happen to Trevor/Trixter/Presto?
This... this looks very promising.
Thumbs up and track, you deserve them both!
Intriguing. I like the idea that the world isn't just gender-flipped with the same basic events. That's something that's always sounded off about R63'd stuff, so this is a refreshing change from the usual.
Genderswap AU and Trixie.
Two of my greatest interest...
1.bp.blogspot.com/-luW7Gd6mnW8/T0dryalmENI/AAAAAAAAAzQ/HcmM7JGWuR0/s1600/shut-up-and-take-my-money-gif.gif
Just wanted to pop in and say that I love the title, which rarely happens.
So wait, doesn't Dusk Shine know about the other universe? He's met Twilight and the others, so if Trixie used her title around him, he should be able to connect the dots. Unless this takes place before OaC&A, which would make for some interesting stuff if the mane six does appear
Oh well, I'll be following anyway. It's up to a pretty good start.
Nice story. I'll be following it definitely. I wonder if you're going to be involving the events of Discord (Or Eris? Babel? ) and Queen Chrysalis in here as well.
528424 You assume that it's the same world as OaC&A? It's not like it has the rights alone to use an R63 universe ya know... And, I would like to add, it doesn't have a tag for the mane six. If we see them, they're going to be playing some rather minor roles, it seems.
R63 Dusk Shine paired up with Trixie? TAKE ALL OF MY LIKES!!!
This one has got huge promise, and I'm looking forward to reading more backstory in the future chapters to come!
Also hope to see more sheer manliness, grit, and awesomeness from Prince Solaris!
528446 Well, I just thought since it had the same names and all... yeah, maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions here
528473
The R63 Names are generally accepted by anyone who uses the male versions.
528446
While OaC&A certainly doesn't have the rights to be the only r63 AU, making this story take place in one that has all of the alternate characters with the exact same names they had in OaC&A implies that it is either 1) set in the same universe or 2) this is set in an AU of an AU that just happens to contain all the same characters as the first AU (incidentally, you probably should mention Conner in the synopsis since you're borrowing his characters at the least if not the whole setting).
That aside, I'm looking forward to where this story will go and how, if it is set in the same universe, it meshes with the events of OaC&A. Lots of people have paired Twilight and Trixie, but pairing Trixie and an AU r63'd Twilight? WIN. There were some minor grammar and sentence structure issues in a few places, but nothing too bad, so keep up the good work
.
Ooooh, a R63 verse that isn't just a pure genderswap!
You have my attention.
528566
AFAIK, the genderswapped names were present before the fic. Even still, there's other reasoning behind the decisions for the gender swapping, genuinely looking to not just do a gender swap fic. Comedy writing is not my forte, I'll leave that to Conner (OaC&A) and Kroqgar(Helping Hoof), they both do it pretty well.
I'd answer the questions now but I am in class. I will address certain commentary in here and from my pre-readers in a blog posting later tonight.
528473
It's fine, I understand the concerns. I wasn't looking to 'break new ground' with the fic but amid writing the fic as I said my pre-readers were repeatedly pointing out that I'm apparently trying a couple concepts not really attempted before.
But again, big blog post inbound tonight, will answer as many questions as I can then.
528981
Oh, ok. If the names were part of the fanon before OaC&A then scratch all that. Would have been interesting though as kind of a pseudo spin-off thing. Though Conner does tie up a lot of that since he's already got Trixie making an appearance in the sequel. Oh well, even as a stand alone story this looks very promising. Actually, it's probably better off that way since you won't have to worry about character continuity and all that jazz. Have some more "yay"s
528981 Just disregard my stupidity. I actually had my suspicions that the genderswapped names were more or less free game for everyone, but I guess I'm never completely sure about anything, which is why I brought it up.
Gah, I'm rambling nonsense again
529120
It's cool man, no harm done.
You have no idea how to write trixie! She should be evil and petty, with little to no characterization or likeability!
I'm in.
Shimmering Shield/Shining Armor? I refuse this!
I'd prefer to pun up the names a bit. Twilight Sparkle/Dusk Shine and Shinning Armor/Sparkling Shield. Se what i did here?
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png
Not bad, not bad at all. I am a little confused by the timeline you have given us though.
Just looking at it, my assumption was that your story takes place in the past...just after Dusk (or Twilight) got their cutie mark. And that Trixie had done so well because she had already taken the test once and knew what to look for. (which would make the snobby voice in the back "Presto"--who has yet to learn the lesson of humility our reality and time traveling heroine Trixie has)
But then I realized you were including things that had nothing to do with the past (Luna specifically). Which meant Dusk is going back to school after a few years in Ponyville? And that this school is equivalent to a Doctorate Program and not just the Standard Hogwarts witchcraft every unicorn gets somewhere? And therefore Trixie has gotten orders of magnitude more powerful so she compete with Dusk as equals and upstage all the other unicorns
If so that need to be a little clearer...a minor nitpick I know but it's something that definitely confused me for longer than necessary.
Keep up the good work
527645
Interesting... I didn't notice them at first. Now that you've brought it up, I'd guess you're talking about Rarity needing Elusive to complete her, right?
Maybe the /fic/ theater's riff on it might bring it up, like how they brutally deconstructed My Little Dashie.
I was expecting this to be tacky, but you have seriously got my attention with this
529186 There's a way for that to happen if the writer played his cards right enough.
Awesome fiction, love it! All it needs now is a little prequel explaining how she has gotten into this alternate dimension =D! I really want to read that, can you make it, at least for me?