Chapter 16: Let's Have a Battle [OLD]
“Are you sure you’ll be okay, Time?”
“Luna, Derpy stayed the night at my house, and I was fine. I can handle a measly school day.” He said with a slight hint of laughter in his voice. “I am worried about Derpy, though. She hasn't talked to me since she slept at my house, and Berry’s been... Silent, which isn't like her.” Luna rolled her eyes but also nodded in agreement.
“I’m sure everything is fine,” Luna said as she grabbed a stack of papers and began looking through them. “I can't imagine Berry deciding something not in your favor and not calling to tell you about it. She’s blunt, not cruel.”
“True...” Turner leaned back in the chair in front of Luna’s desk, sighing as he closed his eyes. “I just want all of this to be over with. I don't want to feud with Berry over this. I wish she would just say something definite and let that be that.”
The blue woman smiled, picking one paper out of the stack and placing the rest down. “I’m sure everything will turn out fine, Time.” She stood, ruffling Turner’s hair as she walked by him. “I need to drop this off at Cranky’s class. If Celestia drops by here, tell her that we need more staples. I’ll see you later, Time.” Flashing him one last smile, she left the Vice Principal’s office, leaving Turner alone.
With a sigh, Turner stood and stretched, arching his back with a groan. “Well,” he said as his limbs fell to his sides. “Time for class.” The teacher straightened his tie and he too exited the office, hands in his pockets with one latched around the locket inside.
“Hi!” She said cheerfully as she appeared in the hallway. “Are you the girls I'm supposed to show around?” Of course, they knew who she was; Sunset Shimmer was easy to get information on, especially with how hated she was among the student body. Really, Adagio almost pitied her.
Almost.
Smiling wickedly, she and her sisters stepped out of the shadowed entrance to the school with dramatic flair. “We are...” Adagio said seductively, one hand on her hip as she felt the magic in the school. The exact source of the magic has yet to be found, but it was undoubtedly here.
Oblivious to the lead Siren’s joy, Sunset brought a hand to her mouth and furrowed her brow. “Uh...” That was certainly an odd entrance. “Well, ah, I’m Sunset Shimmer!” As she moved her eyes between the three girls, Sunset smiled brightly. “What are your names?”
“Adagio Dazzle, at your service~”
“Aria Blaze.”
“I’m Sonata! Sonata Dusk!”
The way the sisters introduced themselves reflected how each of them felt. Adagio’s words were sultry, almost playful. She was taking joy out of fooling Sunset into thinking the Sirens were nothing more than regular girls.
Aria really didn't care about anything. She just wanted the magic. So her words were delivered in a blunt monotone, saying nothing more than necessary. Sonata was simply happy, like always. She knew that magic was at this school, so yay, and she would get to explore a new school! So yay!
“Well,” Sunset clapped her hands together. “Let’s see what our school has to offer! Right this way, please.”
Smiling wickedly, Adagio followed Sunset, her sisters falling behind her as they walked.
This would be too easy.
As they walked, the flame-haired girl would point out various classrooms and others, like the computer room and science labs. She began to introduce yet another classroom when she interrupted herself, rushing over to a poster hanging on a wall.
“Oh, that's right!” Sunset between happily, clapping her hands together. “We're having a Musical Showcase this weekend! The whole school’s pretty much rallying around it, and I think Principal Celestia would let you sign up, if you asked.”
Adagio tried her best to hide most of her excitement, but allowed herself to grin widely. This would be perfect. “A musical showcase, hm?” Behind her, Sonata and Aria looked at each other with their own smiles, though Sonata’s was distinctly more happy than wicked.
“We have been known to sing from time to time...” Aria said, looking at her fingertips to hide just how thrilled she was. Sunset was already getting a weird vibe from these girls- especially Adagio- and began to slowly back away from them.
The blue girl, Sonata, looked at her sister with a confused gaze. “Uh, hello? We sing, like, all the time! It’s how we get people to do what we want!” The ditz smiled, never dropping her grin even as her sisters glared daggers at her. “Wha- what’d I say?”
And that was Sunset’s next clue that these girls were very strange. But, hey, so am I. She rationalized in her mind. Maybe they’re just not from around here. I know I was odd when I came through the portal...
As the girls continued bickering, Sunset tried to get the tour started up again, but couldn't get that sinking feeling out of her chest... Something wasn't right here.
Sunset's uneasy feeling never went away through the day, not through her classes or through her walk to the cafeteria. By this time, Rainbow Dash had decided to finally let Sunset walk through the halls by herself... And while the other students mostly kept their anger towards her quiet, she sometimes suffered a stray pencil colliding with her head or getting tripped in between classes.
The new girls, however, seemed to have stolen the spotlight. Everyone seemed to ignore Sunset today, their attention completely focused on the trio of strange girls. It made her even more uneasy than before.
Entering the lunchroom was like opening a door to a firing squad. Sunset's heart stopped beating for a split second, her breath hitching in her throat as she put one foot in the room. Some students looked her way, others simply continued eating their lunch.
Deciding to forego food for the moment, she immediately set off towards her friends, who had already arrived and were sitting at a table together. Sunset couldn't help but notice the vacant spot in between Applejack and Rainbow Dash, which she occupied with a small smile. She happily took the empty seat.
Sunset turned her head to smile at Rainbow Dash, who returned the smile with a toothy grin and slipped an arm around Sunset’s waist. “So,” Applejack spoke up, taking a bite of her food. “How was the tour?”
The former bully's smile instantly vanished as she turned to look at the farmer. The uneasy feeling was back. “I-I dunno... These girls, they...” Sunset paused, trying to find the correct phrase. “They just acted so strange.”
Every girl at the table raised an eyebrow, but Rarity was the only one to speak. “Strange?” She questioned. “What ever do you mean, darling?”
Sunset threw her arms up into the air. “That's just it! I don't know! They just acted really off.” She frowned, letting her limbs fall back down and resting her head on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “... Maybe somebody already talked to them... Told them about who I used to be...” Her frown deepened, her hair forming a shadow over her face. “So much for making a good first impression...”
Annoyingly, Fluttershy nodded, agreeing with the statement. “Uh-huh.” However, as she realized the other five were glaring at her, she corrected herself. “Oh, um... That’s... probably not it...” Her weak defense did nothing to dissuade the intense stares. She slowly shrank in her seat, squeaking quietly.
Just then, the doors to the cafeteria slammed open, revealing Adagio, Aria and Sonata. The impact of the doors banging against the walls immediately silenced the entire student body, drawing their attention to the girls, who slowly walked forward with sultry looks, swinging their hips seductively as their voices sang in perfect harmony.
The three girls’ voices carried through the entire room. They blended together perfectly, and anyone who had not been paying attention certainly was now as they placed their hands on every student they passed, entrancing the teens with their song. And just as every student- sans Sunset Shimmer and her friends, though the trio of singers did not notice this- was under their spell, Adagio’s voice turned into vocals.
“We heard you want to get together...”
Music seemed to come from nowhere, a steady guitar riff playing in the minds of every student. The song continued, with Adagio’s smooth voice and her seductive walk continued to hold the attention of everybody.
“Why pretend we're all the same? When some of us shine brighter?”
The singing trio continued moving through the lunchroom, their song pulling into the students’ minds, changing their thoughts.
“Let's have a battle! Battle of the Bands!”
And before the Rainbooms’ eyes, the student body that had been so tightly knit since Sunset’s defeat began tearing apart.
“I could beat you!”
“Heh, you wish!”
“I so want this!”
“Not if I get it first!”
As the teens argued, some green mist began seeping through the air, lazily expanding outwards until the mist covered the ground. As Adagio, Aria and Sonata continued singing, the students’ arguing intensified. Thunderlane and Featherweight looked as if they were about to come to blows. Watermelody and Bon-Bon were yelling loudly, nearly drowning out everyone else. Though strangely, Vinyl Scratch seemed to have no idea what was going on, thanks to her headphones.
Magic. Sunset thought. They're definitely in possession of dark magic.
As the trio of sisters finished their song, the Rainbooms could only stare in horror as the students of Canterlot High School resumed hating each other.
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Dude, I'm already so hyped for the next chapter of this story! I love this pairing so much!
6880028 Don't you worry about it! I love seeing people comment some corrections. It's a reminder that no matter what, I've always got room for improvement. I'll fix those as soon as possible.
(Although the lack of comments on this chapter has be worried. Seriously, 99 likes and only two comments thus far. Does wonders for my self esteem, really.)
6880254 I...
Dude, you just brought the biggest smile to my face. I can't even begin to describe how much I love that fic- it helped inspire this one, after all- and... You say that you find this one more interesting? That's just unbelievable. Thank you, really.
Well chapter read.
Nothing much to say. As you warn us the chapter's gonna tie strongly to the movie.
Not to be harsh, but despite the obvious retelling of RR (I am pretty sure you intended this) there really isn't much to this chapter. What I am saying is you could have made the scene a tad more interesting and personalized instead of relying on people's knowledge of the movie.
Let me show you what I mean by interesting;
This pulls in the reader and makes them more immersed. Imagery is key and to make it even more inviting try interesting ways to show such actions like i did. I could have easily said;
"A wind blew through the city, fluttering Indra's clothes and shaking his charm on his pants loop" but would that have been super interesting to read? I wouldn't think so.
My point is; the writing is fine, but add more imagery to personalize the scene and make it interesting. Trust me, it will be beneficial in the long run.
Let me pick a specific example from this story;
This is yours...
Now here is mine
(Not one of my better works, but this should get my point through)
This paints a far better image and turns this everyday run of the mill scene into something much more...expressive. It gives a much better idea of their character without outright calling them "Villain!". Regardless if we know who they are, we want an image painted that tells us a story and give these characters a better sense of their role.
Those are just my thoughts though.
6880981 Yeah, I mentioned this in a blog. This chapter took so long because I found it incredibly boring to write.
Next chapter will hopefully be more interesting, as this is where the Alternate Universe tag comes into play.
6881267 im just wondering if i could help with ideas
6891278 You can suggest them, but there's no guarantee that I'll use them.
6891359 i know
6880981 oh my god you are brilliant at writting im crap maybe you coul help me sometime
6894698 I wouldn't say brilliant, but just like everyone else, we have our moments.
6881267 And I read it, but despite the obvious slump you were having it's always better to put your all, even if you're not all there with it. Tell me something; Is it better to give a half-hearted attempt to your readers than giving your absolute best or taking time to push through it and attempt to give your best effort instead of giving up and resigning yourself to a chapter you don't like? (Your approval comes first before your readers)
Yes, there are times when you just can't write a chapter because you're just not feeling it and rather just skim over it (I've been in this situation, I know how you feel) putting no effort into the practice, but that doesn't help you and it does your valued readers injustice.
My point; putting your best effort when you are feeling at your worst -despite the situation- is the best way to not only improve yourself as whole, but show your readers that you care about your stories and by proxy care about their experience in said story. No, I am not saying heed the whim of your readers, I am saying when you put in your best effort the reader will appreciate that effort, and you, by proxy.
When it gets rough, take time to yourself, read other stories, go do something else, live your life, and when you come back, you'll come back with fresh eyes and a creative drive and be far more compelled to write a chapter or story.
I hope you understand what I'm saying. I'll be looking forward to your next chapter.
6896777 yeah we all have our moments but just saying i cant describe and got a 4c for reading for that how would you say how to describe stuff