• Published 3rd Nov 2014
  • 3,676 Views, 126 Comments

Diane - PerfectRed



Pinkie's life, her Family and her friends. Turn out to be mere delusions created by her subconscious

  • ...
10
 126
 3,676

Trust

“Who am I?”

It was all Pinkie could mutter, as she sobbed quietly in the corner of her room. She had been crying non stop after the incident involving her Equestrian self. Or whatever it really was. Neither the pink pony nor Fluttershy had come back since her walk outside, but somehow she knew they would return, their accusing eyes boring into her soul, taunting her. Judging her. Pinkie sniffled, wiping away the crust build up along her eyes. She was crouched into the fetal position, gazing upwards at the light seeping through the open window, its warmth relaxing her to a point, but not enough for her to feel safe. She then began to contemplate, the same question that had made her burst into tears. Was she really sick? Pinkie had thought previously, that the only reason she tolerated being here, was for the sake of eventually finding a way back to her home. However, with all the evidence piling up on her, she couldn’t help but consider the fact that she was in fact unwell. The young girl shook her head in frustration, slamming her fist onto the tan floor, the pain in her hand making her wince.

“It’s not true, it can’t be true.” She whispered, holding her throbbing hand up to her view. Flexing the different joints, she began to wonder, why this felt so natural to her. She had hooves her entire life, so why did they suddenly feel alien to her. Almost as if she was born this way. The door to the room suddenly opened, interrupting her chain of thought. She jolted out of her seated position to meet who was entering the room. It was Tessa. Despite her distrust towards the doctor, she was actually relieved that she finally had some company. However, closer inspection revealed that she did not have her clipboard from the last session.

“Good afternoon Diane, I didn’t expect to see you in the corner.” Tessa gave a nervous laugh. “Anyway I supposed I should tell you we’re not going to have a regular session today.” Pinkie’s ears perked up at this.

“What do you mean?” She croaked, before letting out a small cough. She assumed her throat was dry again. Tessa motioned her to sit on the bed. Nodding Pinkie made her way over slowly taking a seat. Tessa took a seat in the small fold up chair from the last session. Pinkie kept her head down, not wanting to make direct eye contact with her red puffy eyes. The doctor glanced over towards Pinkie, a look of concern growing on her face.

“Well it’s going to be cut short, I’m going to have to take you over to Doctor Summers, I don’t suppose you remember her?” Tessa saw Pinkie shook her head as to say no.

“Thats fine Diane, I didn’t expect you to, but we’ll be visiting her today, to discuss your family.” Pinkie simply nodded still trying to resist making eye contact.

“However, Nurse Shea has told me about the incident that happened while you were on your morning walk.” Pinkie felt her anxiety begin to rise at the mention of the event. “Diane. Is there anything you want to talk to me about before I begin?” Tessa asked, noticing a small jolt from Pinkie’s body.

“No. There’s nothing.” Pinkie muttered, knowing fine well what Tessa was asking about.

“Diane, please. You can trust me, I only want to help you. I can’t help if you don’t let me.” Pinkie shook her head to Tessa’s offer. The doctor frowned. She leaned forward to put her hand over Pinkie’s shoulder. The sudden feeling of Tessa’s hand caused her to flinch. She glanced over at Tessa, revealing her red puffy eyes to the doctor.

“What’s upsetting you?” Tessa asked in a reassuring voice.

“What's not upsetting me, thats the better question.” Pinkie snapped. She let out a sigh as she figured Tessa wanted her to continue. “I-I’ve been seeing things!” She finally said fearfully.

Tessa gave a concerned look. “What things have you been seeing?”

Pinkie lowered her head. “Myself. I’ve been seeing myself from Equestria!” Pinkie let out a sigh before continuing “She talks to me...” There was a small silence before Tessa spoke up.

“What does she say to you Diane?” Tessa asked curiously.

Pinkie continued to glance downwards. “She asks me why I’ve abandoned my home. She taunts me, because of you!”

“Why do you think she would do that?” Tessa asked calmly.

“Because you might be right about me! Everytime I saw her she’d just disappear. She was in the courtyard, with another one of my friends. Fluttershy.” Pinkie took a breath. “They just keep Staring at me, taunting me, calling me a traitor. Saying that part of me wants you to be right!” Tessa merely stared at her for a second before nodding. Pinkie seeing this glared at her.

“What, thats it? Aren’t you happy, now that I said you might be right about me?” Pinkie got up from the bed, pointing an accusing finger at Tessa. “Isn’t that what you want? For me to be wrong, for me to be CRAZY!” Pinkie began to breathe heavily as warm tears streamed down her cheeks. Glancing at Tessa she could only feel anger. Tessa hadn’t even flinched, she was so calm. Why? Shouldn’t she be happy?

Collapsing on the ground Pinkie began to sob softly. She had basically just admitted she was ill, she was starting to doubt her entire existence and that doctor just stood there, as if it was nothing. After a long moment, Tessa stood up, and to Pinkie’s shock began walking over to her.

“W-what are you doing, s-stop- ” Pinkie stopped as she felt Tessa’s arms wrap around her, in a small hug. She wanted to protest, but at the same time. She was confronted by the doctors warm embrace. She simply slumped down, crying into Tessa’s shoulders.

“Shhh it’s okay. It’s okay Diane.” Tessa whispered. Pinkie hugged her tighter, as she let her emotions flow. She couldn’t believe what she was doing. In her mind there was a voice screaming this was wrong. So why didn’t she let go?

After a good two minutes, Tessa finally let Pinkie go, seeing that she had calmed down. She sniffled wiping the tears from her eyes. Glancing forward her eyes met with Tessa’s. The only thing in this world that mirrored her friend Twilight Sparkle.

“Why did you do that?” Pinkie croaked.

“Because you’re scared. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you to wake up, being told you’ve had a whole different life from the one you remember.” Tessa took Pinkie’s hand. “I know you may not trust me, but just know that you don’t have to be scared of me.” Tessa then helped Pinkie get to her feet. Pinkie stood up with a slight wobble before finding her footing.

“Where are you taking me?” Pinkie asked her voice wavering.

“Doctor Summers simply wants to see you about having your parents visit. I told her I thought it would actually do some good for you. Possibly to help you remember certain aspects of your life.” Pinkie thought about Tessa’s statement. She couldn’t deny she wanted to see her family, she wanted answers. Maybe seeing them would give her the answers.

“You think you're feeling up to seeing Doctor Summers?” Tessa asked her tone of voice calm and soothing. Pinkie sniffled again before giving a nod.

“Alright, I suppose we can go then.” Tessa said leading Pinkie over to the door.

__________________________________________________________________________

The walk towards Doctor Summers office was as uneventful as Pinkie’s first visit outside of her room. As before she was followed by two orderlies that walked behind her and Doctor Sparks. One of them she actually recognized as the one who gave her the medication. He was actually nice enough to say ‘Hi’ to her. They walked along continuous hallways, lined with doors leading to other patients. The foreboding feeling of walking down those halls still gnawed at Pinkie’s mind, she could only imagine some of the other patients that resided in the high security wing.

Focusing her attention back to the halls, she noticed that they took a different route than the first time she went outside. This time they had gone through a set of steel doors, where two orderlies stood by the exit. Seeing Doctor Sparks approaching, they moved aside, opening the huge doors. Pinkie flinched at the sound of the large metal being moved. Tessa gave her a reassuring look urging her to move forward. Pinkie gazed behind her, to see the sign that almost made her stop in her tracks. It read “High Security Wing”. Swiftly she turned her head back facing forward. She was actually leaving high security.

Continuing on, Tessa finally stopped at a wooden door. It had a window on the top, with the words “Doctor Tia Summers” written in very small lettering. Pinkie raised an eyebrow, the name sounded very familiar. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden knocking. Glancing over, she saw Tessa was knocking on the door. After a few seconds a voice finally answered.

“Come in.” Pinkie eyes widened as she recognized the voice. She glanced at Tessa who opened the door, leading her inside. Pinkie slowly entered the room. In the center was a large desk, behind it, a woman with long auburn hair, that was wearing a white coat similar to Tessa, and a small pair of glasses. She was noticeably older than Tessa, and possessed a very calm and professional demeanor. Still for reasons she couldn’t quite place, Pinkie felt slightly intimidated by her. However, what really disturbed her was the voice. It was just like-

“Princess Celestia.” Pinkie whispered to her self, careful not to let anyone hear.

“Ah, Doctor Sparks, Diane. Please have a seat.” The doctor said motioning to the two seats in front of them. The two sat down, Tessa noticeably more comfortable being in the room than her patient.

Doctor Summers turned over to Pinkie. “Well Diane, you probably don’t remember me, but I’m Doctor Summers.” The doctor gave Pinkie a warm smile. “Now I’m sure Doctor Sparks, told you why I called you in here.” Pinkie nodded in response. “Well, regarding what's happened the past two days, Doctor Sparks informed me of a significant change in your behavior, since the last time I saw you.”

“Oh. She did?” Pinkie hung her head low, which caused Doctor Summers to become concerned.

“Oh no no, I’m not upset Diane, but you must understand your case has been difficult, and it’s because of that we’ve had to take certain liberties from you.”

“Like visits from my parents.” Pinkie stated, getting a look of sadness from Doctor Summers.

“Well as you know, thats why you're here.” Doctor Summers took out a manila envelope, resting it on the desk. “Now, I have discussed with Doctor Sparks about the visit. I’ve taken into consideration your change in behavior and lack of knowledge pertaining to your stay here at the institute.”

“So, whats going to happen to me?” Pinkie asked reluctantly.

“Well, Diane.” Doctor Summers took off her glasses “You have been here for a long time, and seeing even a small amount of change in your symptoms, shows me there is a possibility for progress. So after much consideration, I’ve decided to allow you to once again have visitors.”

This caused Pinkie to perk up, her lips contorting into a small smile. “Th-thank you Doctor Summers.”

Doctor Summers gave a small smile herself. “You’re very welcome Diane. However, because of your past history at the hospital, I won’t be allowing you in a room alone with your visitors, I hope you realize that.” Pinkie cocked an eyebrow at this. Was she really that dangerous? Why was she in high security in the first place?

“Excuse me, Doctor Summers?”

“Yes Diane?”

Pinkie adjusted herself in the chair. “I’d like to know why I was put in high security.” The room fell silent from Pinkie’s comment. Tessa, looked over at her nervously, while Doctor Summers maintained her calm composure, giving Pinkie a small nod.

“Well Diane, believe me, it will not be the easiest thing to hear.”

“No.” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed “I’d like to know why I woke up in a straightjacket, on the floor.”

Doctor Summers let out a sigh before nodding. “Diane, your behavior through the course of your stay here, has been irrational. The nature of your schizophrenia, prevented you from being able to... well, tell what’s real around you.” Doctor Summers opened the manila envelope, taking out two documents. “You were diagnosed with schizophrenia and delusions of grandeur. You must understand w-we have many schizophrenic patients.” Pinkie noticed Doctor Summers pause, a sad look on her face.

Tessa began to show concern. “Doctor Summers are you-”

“Yes, um sorry about that. As I was saying, because we have many patients with similar diagnosis, we felt your case didn’t merit intensive care in the high security wing. However, your condition worsened, you began to become more and more agitated and attacked the orderlies. At that point we had to move you to high security.” Doctor Summers let out a sigh. “By that time I assigned Doctor Sparks to look after you. Your delusions grew till you would only refer to some of the staff, and quite frequently Doctor Sparks as characters created by your delusions. It’s as if you’d created your own little world to escape from your own life.”

Pinkie let out a sigh, hanging her head “Yeah, I’ve heard it already. My whole life in Equestria has been a lie apparently.” Pinkie kept her eyes on her lap, not wanting to express the fear in her eyes. She didn’t want to admit it, but what she originally thought made no sense, was actually starting to make sense.

Doctor Summers shook her head sadly. “I can’t imagine this must be easy Diane, but understand, that your mind is capable of so many things, but it is also something very fragile. Your mind merely gave you an escape from your old life. The result was this land you call Equestria.” Doctor Summers put the documents back into the envelope. “However, with what I’m seeing now, I may think about moving you out of high security. I may just allow you to interact with other patients, but that will depend on your continued behavior.” Pinkie simply nodded. She then felt the urge to ask.

“S-so when will I be able to see my family?” Pinkie asked quietly.

Doctor Summers gave a small smile. “Hopefully in the next two days, I just have to make some phone calls.” Pinkie didn’t quite understand the last word Doctor Summers said, but she didn’t feel like questioning it.

“Alright.” Pinkie said giving a small smile.

Tessa got up from the chair moving over to Pinkie. “Are you feeling a bit better Diane?” Tessa received a nod from Pinkie causing her to give a hopeful smile, towards Doctor Summers.

“Alright Doctor Sparks, you may take Diane back to her room.” Doctor Summers then turned to Pinkie. “She must be tired.” Tessa simply nodded, motioning Pinkie to the door. Turning around Pinkie gave Doctor Summers a once over, before leaving the office.

__________________________________________________________________________

Tessa opened the door to to the room, allowing Pinkie to enter. She frowned, she wasn’t that happy to be back in high security. The girl flopped onto her bed, grabbing her Gummy plushie. This gave way to a giggle from Tessa.

“You really do like that plushie.” Tessa said, causing Pinkie to turn away with an embarrassed blush.

“Well when you’re stuck in a room by yourself, a stuffed animal for company is better than no company.” Pinkie said in a snappy tone.

“Well you get to see me.” Tessa pointed out, causing Pinkie to shrug.

“Yeah I guess.” Pinkie paused, as there was a particular question she wanted to ask. It was regarding Doctor Summer’s moment in the middle of their conversation.

“Well I’m going to have to leave for now.” Tessa turned towards the door but was stopped.

“Wait! Um, Tessa?” Tessa turned to Pinkie.

“Yes Diane? Is there something wrong?” Tessa asked concerned.

“It’s about, Doctor Summers.”

Tessa gazed at Pinkie, before sighing. “You want to know what caused her reaction?” Pinkie simply nodded.

“I’m just curious.”

“Well, you see Doctor Summers has a family member that is a patient here. Specifically her sister.” Pinkie’s eyes widened at this statement.

“H-her sister?”

Tessa nodded. “Yes, her sister Luna Summers. Schizophrenia, with nyctophobia.”

Pinkie gave a confused look “What's that?”

“It’s the fear of the dark.” Tessa, gave Pinkie a sympathetic smile. “She developed it at a young age, her schizophrenia only made it worse, as she became increasingly paranoid.” Pinkie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I-is she in the high security wing to?” Pinkie asked nervously.

“Oh no. She’s actually one of my regular patients, you and her actually know each other.” Tessa said, getting a shocked response from Pinkie.

“W-we do?”

Tessa nodded “Oh yes, you always used to enjoy her company, at least till you were moved to... Well, you know.” Pinkie nodded sadly.

“Don’t worry yourself Diane. Doctor Summers was pleased with what she saw and she really does want to help you.” Tessa moved towards the door. “I’ll see you for our next session Diane.” With that Tessa exited the room. Pinkie heard the familiar door locks clicking seconds after the door closed.

Pinkie sighed letting herself fall back onto the bed. She couldn’t deny part of her was happy, but at the same time, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was making the wrong decisions.

“Are you happy now?” Pinkie shot up out of the bed recognizing the voice.
“N-no not you!” Pinkie stared in fear a the pink pony grinning.

“Yes yes yes.” The pink pony bounced over to Pinkie’s bedside. “Did you miss me?”

Pinkie stared at the pony petrified, she couldn’t find the words. What came out was a whisper.

“G-go away.”

“Awww, seems you didn’t miss me.” The pony crept closer. “I thought’d you’d be happier, Fluttershy came all this way to see if you were alright?” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed.

“Y-you expect me to be happy about that?” Pinkie snapped. This only caused the pony to giggle.

“It’s all for your own good silly. I’m only trying to make you realize where your real home is.” The pony jumped onto the bed causing Pinkie to recoil. “You’re just so quick to give up on all our friends in Equestria.”

“B-but they might be right, what if there’s no Equestria to go back to!” Pinkie said exasperated.

“And then what, you’ll just stay here! There are no parties in this place Mrs Saddie Pie.” The pony’s eyes narrowed. “Here everyone just thinks you're a crazy pony. A crazy pony that needs to be locked up! ”

Pinkie’s face contorted in anger. “Shut up! ”

The pink pony giggled. “Hehe you’re so easy to tease.”

“Why are you doing this?” Pinkie said gritting her teeth.

“Why are you giving up on your friends?” The pony retorted.

“Because theres a possibility, they never existed, for all I know you're also just one of these delusions I have in my head.” Pinkie said motioning to her forehead.

The pony scoffed. “Honestly, I can’t believe you're buying some of stuff those meanie doctors say.”

Pinkie hung her head low. “They're only trying to help.”

The pony’s eyes widened. “Ooooh and what is it exactly you need help with?”

Pinkie gave a nervous glance. “I-I..”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were admitting they’re right.” The pink pony smirked, which only agitated Pinkie.

“I never said that, I just-”

“You just what?”

Pinkie let out a long sigh, turning away. “Just leave me alone. Please.”

“Is it because of your family? You think that they're going to give you answers, they're just going to lie to you! Lie like every other pony in this place.”

“I’m not listening to you anymore. I’m done!” Pinkie snapped.

“You think you can just ignore me?” The pink pony leaned over Pinkie, almost breathing down her neck. “I’m not going to leave you, I’ll be here as a reminder. A reminder that you're a pony, you’ll always be a pony.” The pony turned to show her cutie mark. “Does this mean nothing to you? Th-this is who you are! You think you can just run away from that!”

Pinkie simple gazed at the pony through saddened eyes. “I… I don’t know.” The Equestrian counterpart simply frowned at this statement.

Pinkie honestly didn’t know what to say. Maybe she had given up. Is what she’s been told her whole time in this hospital so unrealistic? There were so many facts that she just couldn’t ignore. It was her word against piles of evidence and even if Equestria was real, how was she going to get back? Maybe it was just best to let go.

The pony shook her head. “There’s just no getting through that noggin of yours, is there?” the pony hopped off the bed. “Just think about what you're giving up Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie simply layed back down on the bed ignoring her babbling counterpart. Squeezing her eyes shut, she continued to whisper the words go away and after a minute, the room was silent. Her counterpart was gone. Pinkie let out a sigh, thinking about the pony’s last comment. “Just think about what you’re giving up Pinkie Pie.” The words rang through her mind. She knew exactly what she was giving up.

Mornings of waking up in Sugarcube Corner. Baby sitting the twins, throwing Parties, and spending time with her five best friends. She was giving all of this up. For a new life she couldn’t even remember. Where she had hurt people. Pinkie’s thoughts were interrupted by the door suddenly opening. It was Fionna, behind her was one of the orderlies.

“Hello Diane, I hope I didn’t wake you.” Fiona saw Pinkie shaking her head as to indicate no. “Well I’m just here to bring you your medication for the day.”

Pinkie simply gazed at her, a look of sadness in her eyes. She watched Fiona as she handed her a glass of water and the two familiar pills.

“Here you go. It won’t take long.” Fiona said her voice soft and gentle. Pinkie nodded taking the cup. Putting the two tablets in her mouth, she swallowed them, one after another. She shuddered, as she swallowed the last pill. Fiona patted Diane on the back before turning to the door.

“Fiona?” Pinkie whispered. Fiona turned to face the young girl on the bed.

“Yes Diane?”

“I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what happened in the courtyard. I-I shouldn’t have shut you out.” Pinkie gazed at Fiona with pleading eyes. Fiona gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Oh, Diane it’s alright, I know you just wanted time to yourself, there’s no need to apologize. Pinkie simply hung her head in response. Fiona thought she should change the subject. “Oh um so are you going to be able to see your family?” Fiona asked causing Pinkie to perk up.

“Y-yes I am.” Pinkie said giving a small smile, which seemed to falter.

Fiona gave a look of concern. “You seem a bit nervous.”

Pinkie turned her head away in embarrassment, truthfully she was nervous. She had completely forgotten she was going to meet her family. Though she was partially excited, there was a growing knot of anxiety that built within her.

Pinkie finally sighed giving Fiona an answer. “I guess, I’m just worried, I can barely remember them, what if I make a mistake, what if I-” Pinkie stopped, as she felt warm arms wrapping around her. She gazed to see Fiona giving her a small hug.

“You're going to be fine Diane.” The soothing words made Pinkie relax, as she allowed Fiona to hug her. The hug lasted a few seconds before, one of the orderlies let out a grunt, upon this Fiona let go.

“Sorry, we aren’t supposed to have that much contact with our patients. I honestly think it’s a stupid rule.” Fiona said in a huff.

Pinkie let out a small laugh. “It’s alright.”

The nurse gave a small chuckle herself before moving to the door. “I guess I’ll see you early for breakfast. Have a good night Diane.”

Pinkie gave her an awkward smile. “Yeah. Thanks Fiona.” With that, Pinkie heard the familiar click of the door locks. She was once again alone with her thoughts.

She thought back to what her counterpart said. About what she was giving up. This place was far from Equestria, but it was people like Fiona and even Tessa that made it tolerable. Pinkie sighed figuring she wouldn’t dwell on it any longer. She grabbed her stuffed alligator, lying back on her bed. The only reminder of her pet alligator, held closely to her chest. Her eyes closed, as she drifted off into a deep sleep.

Author's Note:

Is Pinkie finally letting go of Equestria ?

New chapter omg that took awhile. Special thanks to my Editor Mountain Bell, and to you guys for baring with me.

hope you guys enjoy the new chapter