Looks promising, was pretty enjoyable to read
Poor trixie , i already can see her heart being breaked

Well isn't this one of the greatest crack pairings ever.

I can already see where this is going. I think I'm in love.

Well, they are voiced by the same VA. Same VA pair-ups are nothing new. Heck, why do you think there are so many AppleDash stories?

Okay, I'm hooked! Trixie's POV is hilarious (and then quite sad)

"More equine..." loved that line.

1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

Give us MOAR!

That was a hoot!
This should be an interesting meeting.....once the queen regains consciousness.

Trixie x Trixie shipping? Or will it actually turn into Trixie x Chrysalis?

Tracking this, looks good so far

"Her precious bodily fluids would leak from her corpse..."

"Her precious bodily fluids..."

"PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS.

i.imgur.com/fCXmG.jpg

Instantly tracked and instantly thumbed.
HUZZAH! More good Chrysalis writing!

*looks at glaring mistake*
...I do believe you meant tomes when Trixie was talking about her (either destroyed or stolen) books. Tombs...how does one own multiple tombs? XD For a brief moment, I thought Trixie inheirited a graveyard.

XD A Tail of Two Trixies? WINNING! *Rushes onward to read more chapters*

Review, as requested:

The opening is confusing. Paragraphs 1-3 give the strong impression that Chrysalis has been frustrated by a reversal. I don't know who the annoying little sister is or whom she's talking to. When Chrysalis says "What good would that do?!" I thought it was in despair; then she laughed and gloated, so apparently she is still triumphant.

I get the impression Chrysalis wants to be loved in the true, pony sense, but is only capable of feeding on love, never feeling it, and that she's dimly aware of this.

Was that paragraph about her being like a statue in there originally? I don't remember it. It's good, but could be a bit shorter.

Very nice paragraph about her lying broken on the desert like a bug crushed underhoof. "precious bodily fluids" a bit distracting. I don't think "For her meat, they would love her to the last mouthful." should be a separate paragraph. You're going to use that one-sentence paragraph trick after the next paragraph; don't squander it here.

imponysonate... um. maybe a little too funny for this.
In fact, it was about as far from Twilight Sparkle, Snips & Snails, Twilight Sparkle, the Everfree Forest, Twilight Sparkle, all of Ponyville, and Twilight Sparkle as it was possible to be without falling off the edge of the world. - whole section nicely shows Trixie's state of denial.
delectation? Is that a word? What do you know, it is.
They'd been feting Whathisname for that performance as she left their pathetic earthpony hovel of a town behind her. - huh? They'd been feting the coachbuilder for Trixie's performance?
Perfection came by luck of limb and breeze, rather than any skill of her own. - "perfection"?
A changeling who's -> whose
and who had found his admiration rather tasty on more than one occasion - nice
In Canterlot it was considered rude to talk with your mouth full. - nice
and once from a very self-absorbed pony with some role or other in 'her' wedding to Shining Armor – was there something about the blue-coated ones? - not really a Dashite, are you?
“Trixie? Trixie!” She shouted, -> she shouted,

Chpt 3:
Opening, too many one-sentence paragraphs.
Besides, this moisture had Trixie's love in it, and the adorable blue unicorn was delicious. - very confusing for Chrysalis to call her adorable.
What's the cause of Sinisteed's immunity?
Anychangeling, hmm, could be 'anyling'. Don't know which I prefer.
“What in Nightmare's name are you doing!?” Shining Armor shouted, and Cadance dug her horn into his ribs. - I thought "his" was Sinisteed's.
I really like the solution of eating Celestia out of her cocoon, and the way you handled it.
it's oscillating -> its
“The Great and Powerful Trixies will perform-” hack-cough, “-then the Trixies will be on their way to Gemstowne.” Trixie said should start with "Trixie said", because otherwise we presume it's still Chrysalis speaking.
Chrysalis didn't know what this feeling she felt now was. She'd never felt it before. - I thought it was a feeling someone else was experiencing and that Chrysalis was feeding on.

Chpt. 4:
The violence is jarring, because the story's had a fair amount of silliness, and no real violence. Even in the battle in Canterlot, we didn't see anyone really get hurt; it was cartoon violence.
But beautiful travelling magicians and athletically handsome earthpony fillies went together like applejack and a long warm night in Trixie's caravan: Wonderfully, till the AJ went away, and left Trixie with headache and heartache under the blazing morning sun. - wait, when could this have happened?
the old ultraviolence. - reference to Clockwork Orange distracts
She was newschool, she was the principle of the newschool. A changed changeling, (hopefully still) Queen of the reinvented swarm, exploring a whole new world full of loving little ponies. - What? Shouldn't we have heard something about this?
“We must leave something for Fido,” Alterixie replied. “I gave my word.” - nice.
I gotta stop doing line-by-line edits now.

General thoughts:
We're given clues that Trixie is in love with Twilight. Chrysalis wants Trixie to be in love with her. First 3 chapters have cartoon violence, comedy, and a sprinkling of interesting ideas. Chapter 4 suddenly turns into an action-adventure novel. It's going to be really hard to get these different parts to meld. You could rewrite the grim-survival parts in a funny way, like Terry Pratchett would. I don't know what you want to do with this story, what direction you want to take it. That's my only complaint through Chpt 4. I was expecting a comedic reuniting with Twilight in which Trixie is torn between her love for Twilight and her love for herself. Apparently not?

1887252

+5 insightful

I'll have to think about all of that.

JoE