Ambassador

by THOSEideas

Chapter 18 (Warning: Dark and Gory)

Mockin floated through the darkness that surrounded him. He had his eyes closed and could feel what was happening around him. Mockin had been floating in the abyss for four years, thirty three days, twelve minutes, and thirteen seconds, and during this time he had been conscious without a second of rest. Mockin wasn't alone in the abyss, oh no, he had regular visitors to torment him and pick at his body. They were shapeless, massless, physics defying, creatures that feasted on the non-living.

Mockin called them whispers.

They would come to him and sink into his mind, exploring his inner workings, finding all his secrets. In a matter of minutes they had found out every detail of Mockin there was to know, even how to control his body. Mockin floated through the abyss with his helpless mind trapped within his own skull, this was a torture that only worked with time. The whispers had plenty of time.

Mockin wasn't entirely without hope however, the whispers seemed to have neglected his dreams and the power they held over ponies. Mockin had relized that when he was dreaming everything was VERY realistic and accurate. Unlike a lucid dream, he couldn't control what was happening and he didn't know what some of the ponies names were. Mockin had realized that he could dream subconsciously while the whispers probed and tore open his soul from the inside.

The whispers had grown tired of tormenting him with their insistent bodies and had decided that physical pain would help speed the process of turning him into one of their puppets. However, in doing so, the whispers had revealed their weakness to Mockin, blood. The whispers had torn him open so that his blood spewed outwards and passed through a whisper. The said whisper had screamed in agony before flashing a brief shade of blue and gold, turning instantly back to an empty space of light.

The problem with the things he was put through was that he was always healed instantly and his previous wound grew together. His mental strain had put him onto the edge of insanity and the only reason he hadn't tipped was because he had dreamed of something very shocking and unbelievable. He had dreamed of Juniper.

The only place he had dreamed of was what looked like a crude interpretation of Canterlot. He had been a dragon in this dream and he had been enjoying his sense if flight with the after thought of being tortured. After a perticularily nasty stab at his mentality he had looked down to see a mare in a street being cornered by a stallion with a knife. Mockin had started to approach but stopped when he saw a filly round the corner of the alley and shout at the stallion. Something about the filly had stumped him and made him hesitate in his path, after a minute of thought it came to him that this filly was indeed Juniper.

Mockin redoubled his speed and barreled towards the stallion with the knife who was now approaching Juniper. The stallion stopped to look up at Mockin as he approached and so did Juniper, perfect. Mockin streamed down and pushed Juniper aside before grapping the stallion around the neck before dragging him up and over the roof of the house bordering the alley. Mockin dug his claws into the stallion's kneck before he could scream, he then proceeded to crush his neck entirelly.

Mockin watched as his shadowy black claws effortlessly squeezed the life force out of the colt, he then focused on the colt's face and gasped as he realized it was a spitting image of himself. Mockin dropped the stallion's body and examined his body, he was a shadowed dragon that seemed to float as he stood there. Mockin took a tentitive step forward on the shingled roof and noticed his claws didn't make a sound as they scrapped against the hard surface.

He had become what was torturing him, he had become a whisper, and he loved it. Mockin found a new file of information stored within him and openned it to find everything there was to know about Juniper and her friends.

Chuckling to himself, he carved Juniper's and her friends name into the body of the stallion before proceed ing to pick it up and carry it across the roof tops in effortless bounds, leaving a trail of shadow in his wake. Mockin flew through the air and teleported to an old friend of his, time to mortify someone else. Mockin dropped the body on the steps up to house.

Mockin flew back to Canterlot and landed on top of a roof to observe the place that was going to be his soon, the moon cast his marvelous shadow across the houses and spread his power over roof tops. Mockin looked around at the ponies that were unaware of his presence, except one. His gaze had stopped on one pony, that pony was staring up at him with kindness and gratitude. Gratitude? Strange word, it held so much power, so much power.

Mockin balked as he was jolted from his half sleep to find himself surrounded by the whispers as the sneered down at him. Mockin looked down at his hooves to find that he could see through them and they produced a darkness of there own. Mockin gasped and realized that the whispers had found his one true refuge and manipulated it to turn him into one of them, to do their bidding. He fought against the urge to become a whisper and started to relax as his hooves became more and more transparent. the whispers on the other hoof, they started flashing blue and gold and screeching at Mockin before they pummeled him mentally and physically.

Mockin had taken hope in the fact that Juniper was still alive and well, but he was disturbed with the knowledge of what he had done to that stallion.

So there Mockin was, floating in the abyss with his eyes closed and waiting for the whispers to approach him once again. He knew that they were coming soon and when they did, he would be ready. Fifteen minutes earlier Mockin had bit down on his tongue to cause blood to spew into his mouth. His wound hadn't healed and was still currently bleeding in his mouth but Mockin didn't swallow or spit out the liquid in his mouth, he was saving it.

Soon enough the whispers approached him again and once again they surrounded him.
This time however, Mockin had spit out all the blood he had in his mouth and sprayed over the whisper that circled him. The whispers shivered and screamed as the blood passed through them and caused them agonizing pain. Mockin then reached for the nearest one and attempted to grap it before it came to but his hoof just passed through it. All the whispers were screaming and were all now glowing a blue and gold light from all over.

Some whispers grew bigger and widder while some of yhe others started shrinking and becoming slimmer. Mockin watched in awe as the whispers transformed into bodies of actual matter and shape. One whisper who mockin recognized as the whisper that took pleasure in hurting him physically, grew six limbs and enormous size. The whisper then formed four legs and two scaly, massive, wings that matched well with the tail that grew from the base of the two legs in the back. The whisper then extended what could only be described as its neck and formed its lower jaw, cheek bones, upper jaw, and then horns. The last things the whisper formed were it's eyes and the color of it's scales, which were blue and gold. The whisper/dragon had normal eyes except for its pupils which were gold, and its scales had a base color of blue but at the tips they changed into gold.

Mockin stared up at the whisper/dragon with awe and fear, he was so focused on this whisper that he didn't notice the other whispers change into their new forms. He did notice when they walked over to the dragon and sat kn either side of it. There was a Griffin, Minotaur, Zebra, Donkey, and most surprising, an alicorn. All the whispers were colored in the same way as the dragon was, with their respective style. The Zebra had inter-changing stripes, the griffin had a blue plummage with gold claws and feet,
The minotaur had a blue pelt with gold hooves and horns, the donkey had a blue pelt with gold hooves and mane/tail. The Alicorn was different though, it had a blue pelt with gold-ended feathers and hooves, but what was most surprising was that it looked almost exactly like Mockin himself.

Mockin stared at the impossing figures that stood before him, a lowly black and grey speck in the pressence of shinning and shimmering gold. Mockin had immediately lost all fear of yhe creatures that stood before him and instead felt only respect. However, that didn't explain how they had gotten there or what they meant to do. Mockin tried to form words but failed as blood continued to leak out of his slack jawed mouth a spill across the abyss. The dragon stared longilinly at the blood as it spilled everywhere but returned his golden gaze back at Mockin and broke the ice.

"You may not have chosen wisely, but you chose correctly. We weren't really sure if you were actually going to free us or if we were going to stay in-prisoned in your mind. You have finnaly taken your fate into your hooves. I thought Joy here would have to reach out to you again but you managed.

The dragon waved his hand to the Alicorn that stood on the far right, who smiled at Mockin.

"...W-Wha-"

"To answer your question, yes, we have all been here sense your birth and ever sense we have been trying to open your eyes to our presence and your true self."

"...W-Wha-"

"If you look deep within yourself then you will find the answer, but for now, I think you have a world to return to."

Mockin gaped as all the creatures walked around him and surrounded him. They then walked forward and placed their legs/arms around him before they melted and started to encase Mockin in a shell of light and energy. Mockin gasped as he felt each presence fill in the gaps of his heart and soul, replacing all that he had suffered and filled it with better things. He felt like he was being born again.

---

Granite sat in the middle of the clearing that the dragons had occupied for centuries and remained still. Granite sat there in the middle and stared up at the smiling skeleton dragon that had been placed on a rocky throne of it's own. The dragons had decided to keep the skeleton because they didn't know how it got there and why it was there. So they had moved it carefully over to the edge of the clearing and constructed a rocky throne that looked impossing to any intruders that came in the clearing. Some foolish dragons had started worshipping it and had placed sacred fire lillies on the bones.

Granite on the other hand had looked to it for inspiration, the bones made it look like that dragon had died happily even in the face of death. So Granite had decided to look on all the bright sides of things before despairing.

At this time Granite had been staring at it with unfocused eyes so he didn't notice the slight twitch the bones did. He did notice the gathering of moisture underneath his claws though, and as he looked down he saw the moisture too. The moisture was a deep rich red and was extremely thick, Granite gasped as he realized it was blood. Granite jumped back and observed in horro as the Gallons of blood seeped out of the dirt and collected into a ball that floated in mid air. The blood the started drifting towards the skeleton, the skeleton responded by standing up and jumping down from its raised throne. Granite was too horrified to scream as the skeleton landed with cracks and creaks before it reached towards the blood with one claw.

As soon as the skeleton touched the blood it started glowing white and distorted. The blood then spread across the body and covered the skeleton from view. Granite noticed, however, that the body started to shrink and form different appendages. First its wings shrank and became more feathery and then it grew a horn from it's head. Granite was too transfixed to connect the dots that were forming in his head, but he did notice that the claws shrank away and were replaced with solid surfaces.

The light slowly faded and the body dropped from its hovering position to land on its side in the dirt. Granite snapped his attention down to it and took slow, cautious steps towards it. As Granite approached he noticed a ponies body with wings and a horn! An alicorn?! Granite sped up and checked to see if it was breathing, it was. Granite ran his eyes over the body and noticed its interesting clorage, blue pelt with gold tipped feathers and hooves. The mane and tail had highlights of black going through the gold hair that they were made of. Slowly and painfuly the alicorn's eyes blinked open to reveal blue irises and gold pupils that stared around at the unfamiliar world. Before Granite spoke to it he checked what gender it was, you can't be too sure.

Granite peeked at the belly of the pony and got his answer, that was all he needed to know.

"Umm...excuse me miss...but um, who are you?" Granite wasn't sure if he should adress her as a princess or an enemy, I mean that was quite the appearance.

"Miss?...why would you think that?" The pony looked around her before looking up at Granite with those bright and knowledgable eyes.

"Well um, I wasn't sure how I should adress you. I will call you princess if you want."

"Princess? What do I look like? An alicorn?...i've seen you somewhere."

"Um yes you do look like an alicorn because thats what you are. Also, I have never seen you before."

"I'm an alicorn?" The pony turned her head around and stared at her wings, she then lifted one hoof to her forehead and tapped at her horn.

"I'm...I'm an alicorn. Is that why you assumed I was a mare?"

"Umm, no...I kinda, checked." Granite was blushing but thankfuly no-one would be able to tell.

"What do you mean you checked? I mean honestly...SWEET CELESTIA!!" The pony craned her neck down and looked between her legs to see nothing there at all.

The mare almost fell over as she continued to stare between her legs and her kness wobbled. The mare started breathing very heavily before looking up again and looking around. Finnaly she found a puddle and ran over to it before skidding to a stop and sitting down on her lower back and leaning way forward. Granite silently observed as the mare spread her legs and looked down at herself. After a full minute she looked up and just stared at the cavern wall.

Granite started to get worried so he walked over to make sure everything was ok. As he approached the mare slowly got up and turned to face him, she had a completely blank look on her face.

"Everything ok miss?"

"Um no. And I'm not a miss, or a sir...I'm not really anything."

Granite just stared at the alicorn, if she didn't have a wang then she was a mare right?

"But um, you don't have any stallion parts. So how can you not be a mare?"

"Like this." The mare suddenly turned around and lifted her tail, presenting nothing to him.

Granite couldn't help staring at the blank spot that he had been expecting something to be. He also couldn't help looking down to make sure she didn't have anything to make her a he. She/he didn't.

"Um...how? What? What's your name?"

"Huh, it's Mockin Sage but I don-" Mockin stared at the dragon as its jaw went slack and literally hit the floor. The dragon just stared at Mockin as he turned around and observed. Mockin looked more closely at the dragon and something clicked within his head, this was Granite.

"Granite? Granite is that you? Oh man! This is so wierd! Oh...I've been dead for four years haven't I?" Granite could just stare at the alicorn in front of him and nod his head in answer.

This couldn't be Mockin, there was no way. Mockin had died or disappeared four years ago and left the new equestria without a much needed counter balance. Mockin was going to be the pony-in-the-middle that stopped the dragons and ponies from going against each other. Also, Mockin was an earth pony/dragon he wasn't an alicorn that had no gender.

"Granite? Hey Granite! Look, I need some help to find someponies. Could you help?"

Granite vaguely heard the words that had come out of the alicorn's mouth but they finnaly clicked into his brain after the pony tapped on his head.

"We need to get you to Canterlot, quickly, jump onto my back." The alicorn looked a little taken back but then nodded and scrambled up Granites leg awkwardly.

Granite didn't even bother asking it why it didn't use it's wings, that was a question that just added to the ever growing pile. Granite jumped into the air and flew as fast as he could towards Canterlot in the distance.

Author's Note:

Hey! Still alive! I realized that my chapters were pretty bad so I wanted to rampt them a notch, so I turned it up to eleven on the dile. Anyway stick with me if you haven't lost interest in Mockin now, I will explain what he is the Alicorn of in the next chapter which I will make as long as this one. I figured I would write more because the two readers I have were getting kinda annoyed.

HERE'S YOUR CHAPTER!!!

Comments

[amiamera]

5428458
Ugh, that's why originally I didn't want to comment. I find it hard to describe how to do dialogue well. I think the issues I ran into was how unnatural it felt. Maybe I just like a bit of banter and then a setup into the dialogue. Another issue I may have had is that the characters are new and each doesn't feel distinct. The way the scene came across was the equivalent of starting a new tabletop rpg game with a random group of characters and each going, "Hi, I'm Figh Tor and my backstory is yadda yadda."
"Hi Figh Tor, I'm Wiz Ard and my backstory is yaddah yaddah."
My problem may be that the conversation just felt like you were throwing exposition at us instead of gradually feeding us the information. All you needed to do was add a couple of death flag lines and you could have enough of a character to kill off to attempt to generate sympathy (haven't read much further so if you do kill any of them off, I'm not sure how I'd react to that information." By the way, what I mean by distinct is that the characters all feel interchangeable based off reading just their dialogue. This also has me adding another piece of advice: signpost who's talking more often than you do. I sometimes have distractions happen and in the middle of that long series of dialogue I had to go back a bit and then start counting off to figure out who was saying what, which is also an indication to me that the characters don't have distinctive voices.

(Also having written this and reread your initial post I added this slightly separate paragraph) By forced, I meant that the conversation didn't flow naturally. Have you ever been in a conversation where the back and forth between you and that person just goes from one sentence to another, from one topic to another, such that you lost track of time and realize that you're no longer where you started and it would take some serious looking back to figure out how you went from Star Wars to how shoelaces were made (hyperbolic example). Now compare that flow to a conversation where it just keeps dieing and neither of you actually want to talk. You only say something because you have to. That conversation feels stilted and lacks that natural flow. That's what I mean by forced. I don't mean like it was put in there because you had to but that it sounded like two novice actors who sound like they're acting rather than two regular blokes who are having a conversation that springs up naturally. This may be my acting experience but if you watch and listen, you can hear the difference between young, novice actors, and those who have practiced and perfected their craft. I use the terms of sound in writing because a big piece of advice (that helps with catching grammar errors if English is a very familiar language of yours) is to read each chapter out loud to yourself. Listen to what you say. Try it both with and without voices for characters. You'll find that in better written works and in RL that different people speak differently and will use different words. Hopefully some of this helps. if none of it does, then I'll just recommend this podcast for more writing advice from better writers. Writing Excuses

[THOSEideas]

5429190 no, actually that did help. I see what you mean by the conversations, what I didn't do (mentally) was give the characters a different voice, or speech pattern so that you could tell them apart. Which is what I think confused you. However, I will take your advice and use it well. Thank you.

Although, the conversations weren't supposed to be naturaly smooth either, they were supposed to be choppy and uncomfortable in a way, I hope it gets smoother later on as you read, but I have a sneaking suspicion it won't.