5128227 I don't plan to cancel it. Thank you saying that, that means I'm doing a good job. Also, I will take any tips you can give me. Unfortunately I can't release it until I write the next chapter, since it won't pass moderation unless I add in any MLP characters.

5129691 If you really wanna know, basically I show who grunted, display the capabilities of Mike's power, have them meet the Mane Six, almost get raped and seduced, and then running to meet. Vague enough to cause intrigue but still information.

5129738 Sorry, I'm hoping this weekend but it all depends. I'm not going to write more tonight, mainly because, I do feel sort of sleepy, and I notice I write worse when I sleep. I do hope you can forgive me for the spoilers.

5129793 That would mean today, where I am. So maybe. I think may read one more chapter of a story I'm reading and go to sleep. Goodnight if I do.

5129793 Hey man. Listen, I've decided to not put as much stuff in this next chapter as I said I would and save most parts until the next chapters. Sorry if I'm being wishy washy, but I really want to get this story our before tomorrow. I'm almost done so don't worry. Hopefully this time I'll pass moderation.

alright keep it coming.

Ok, let me see, advice...

Firstly, ditch all the video game references and nerd stuff, or at least tone it down a bit. It sounds corny to read, and it overshadows the more important details.

Also, I would consider editing down the characters a bit. They don't seem to have very well-rounded personalities. The back stories are very basic, and the characters all seem larger than life, almost like characters from a action movie? Also, I find Mike very very very confusing. I hope we get some explanation of him later on.

I don't know your background, but Ray's story sounded the teensiest bit racist. Just something you might want to watch out for.

Finally, slow down! Stuff doesn't need to happen all at once. Elaborate, have some dialogue, describe the scenery. If you're throwing characters into a thing, then the plot can probably wait a few chapters.

Overall, this chapter disappointed me. The characters seemed fake and the plot seemed rushed. However, I love the concept , and from reading the story description, I can tell you've got some really intricate, well thought-out ideas up there, and I hope you put them to good use. And if you don't... well, maybe I'll borrow this concept from you and finally write that first story I've been meaning to for so long

Good luck. You're going to need it

You will be given the strength of your Dragon Age, Skyrim, and Minecraft characters combined

My first thought was 'Punch mountain, break mountain' not the most articulate thought I've had.

This story is subpar. It can be better it will be better. My story has a sucky beginning and is slowly improving. Yours will to get all and any criticism you can it all helps, even the hate. Keep up the good work and try to round out your characters.

5175055 a tedious read my eyes hurt

I'm pretty sure the blade could tear through flesh and probably cause bleeding.

This, is stupid. what the hell else would a big ass, sharp blade do, instantly butter toast? not tryin to be a jack ass but come on dude...

Now, being an American, I have a very deep seeded hatred for slavery.

That doesn't make any sense

Asian voice

... what?

5487531 Americans condition their children to rage against slavery from birth. Ya'know, after the whole, 1/5 of the male population died bloody thing, what was that called again? Ah yes, the Civil War.