You Wouldn't Believe Me if I Told You

by PinkiePiedPiper

Chapter 4: The Calm

Here is the disclaimer: I don’t own MLP: FiM, aside from my Pinkie, Rainbow, and Applejack figures. Oh, oops! I don’t own the RIGHTS to MLP: FiM. That belongs to Lauren Faust and Hasbro.

You Wouldn’t Believe Me if I Told You

Chapter 4: The Calm

“So, Dashie, you got anypony special back in Equestria?”

Rainbow Dash abruptly looked up at Steve from the bare spot in the grass she was pawing at. The three of them were sitting near the center of the grassy patch in as close to a circle as you can get with three people/ponies.

“That’s kind of a personal question, don’t you think?” she replied awkwardly, blushing slightly in embarrassment. “I mean, it isn’t like I have known you all that long.”

“Well, yeah… but it isn’t like there is anything else to do around here, and I am kind of curious. Back on earth there is a lot of conjecture about which pony you have hooked up with in Ponyville.” Steve paused for a moment. “A bunch of people say you have your hooves on Applejack…”

Both Rainbow and Twilight sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, looked to each other, and broke into fits of laughter.

Between bursts of laughing, Rainbow managed to squeeze out, “Bwahahahaha! Really? That’s ridiculous!” and other such exclamations. Twilight regained her composure first.

Rainbow managed to calm down, and, seeing the confused look on Steve’s face, she decided to elaborate. “I’m not sure how accurate this show of yours is, but the last time I was in Equestria Applejack was happily married to Fancypants for going on 2 years now!”

It was Steve’s turn to be stunned this time. “Really? Fancypants? I would never in a million years have guessed that! Aren’t they, like, polar opposites of each other? What did Rarity have to say about this?”

Twilight answered this one. “For starters, Rarity never really thought seriously about Fancypants. He was more of a passing foalish crush. So far as I know she is still single. Anyways, getting back to him and Applejack; they first met at the Grand Galloping Gala 5 years back, but because of Rarity’s crush on him, she decided to steer clear of him as much as possible to avoid… confrontations with Rarity. They met again at the Garden Party during my birthday party. This time Rarity was encouraged to introduce each of us to nearly every guest present, starting with Fancypants.”

Steve simply nodded at her, taking in all of the canon-shattering news with a calm that surprised himself.

Twilight continued. “There must have been some sort of spark when the two of them met, because from then on Applejack and Fancypants sent each other letters at least once a week. I only know this because a certain mailmare delivered his letter to my door instead.”
She shook her head slightly. “That Ditzy. Loyal and committed as anything to her job, but a little clumsy at times.”

“After making sure that she didn’t ever give one of Fancy’s letters to Rarity, I went down to Sweet Apple Acres with the letter in tow. Applejack told me everything, and we all know she couldn’t lie if her life depended on it.”

“The third time they met was at Shining Armor’s and Princess Cadence’s wedding three years ago.” Steve smiled and nodded knowingly at the reference to the epic season finale that had occurred no more than a week beforehand. Twilight continued without much pause. “For at least an hour after the whole changling fiasco, Rarity stuck close to Fancypants, who was looking rather uncomfortable being so close to a mare that obviously had a crush on him, and who also happened to be best friends with his penpal.”

Rainbow interrupted, “Oh yeah! It was so awkward, it was hilarious! I hope I still have that picture kicking around in an album somewhere.”

Twilight glared slightly at her for the interjection. Steve made a motion towards her and eagerly encouraged her, “Go on. What happened next?”

“Well,” she resumed, “Fancypants had quite enough of that atmosphere surrounding him, so he gently led her aside and explained the situation; that he and Applejack had been exchanging letters for a few months, and they would like to officially go out on a date. But he would not do so if it meant that Rarity and Applejack might stop being friends over it.” A Good-Guy-Fancypants meme floated through Steve’s head.

“She told him she would have to think about it. Only a week later, after a harrowing adventure that ended up in a friendship letter to the Princess, she and Applejack had a heart to heart, and Rarity admitted that she had gotten over Fancypants, and that he was ‘all her’s’ as she put it to Applejack.”

“Applejack and Fancypants went on dates time and again, in both Canterlot and Ponyville, until he popped the question to her while they were in the orchard bucking apples. He had even hid the ring in the one she was having for a snack with a Class 3 Inanimate Translocation spell. Rather impressive, really, for a pony who never was accepted into the gifted unicorn program. I was able to do that one since-“

“Umm, Twi?” Rainbow broke in, “You’re rambling. Get back to the story already!” She motioned to Steve, “Can’t you see he wants to hear the rest?”

Although he would not admit it just then, Steve did not really mind Twilight’s off topic verbal meanderings. He found them rather cute, even a little attractive. I never thought that I would ever think that a pony was attractive! Never was comfortable with those human-pony relationship fics. Or pony-pony clopfics, for that matter. I will never see Luna the same way again… He shuddered inwardly.

Twilight recovered quickly. “Oops! Sorry.” She scratched her head. “There is not much else to say, really. Applejack, after nearly choking on the ring, said yes. They got married in Sweet Apple Acres barn at Fancy’s request, turning down Princess Celestia’s offer of Canterlot Castle. And now they live out on the farm together with Applebloom.”

“Whoahwhoahwhoah!” Steve sputtered. “Fancypants turned down Canterlot Castle and lives on a farm?!?” He asked incredulously.

Rainbow, bored of the story she had lived through, heard, and told, spoke up in response. “Yeah, he did. Applejack said she’d marry him on the condition that she never got pulled away from the farm. Turns out Fancypants didn’t have any sort of actual job in Canterlot, he had just been living off of the interest of the family fortune and was eager to do something for a change. Who’d have thought he would take to bucking apples so enthusiastically?”

Steve said, “Well, I guess he does have the size for it. Now that you mention it, I can see him in a straw hat and ratty overalls with a sprig of wheat in his mouth.” They all giggled at the mental image. “But Twi, you said they live with just Applebloom. What the hay happened to Big Mac?” Steve relished the opportunity to actually use ponified lingo out loud with someone who would know what he was talking about.

Twilight gave a little giggle, much to Steve’s delight, who couldn’t help but smile back. “I guess I’m gonna have to tell you the relationship status of the others, aren’t I? Well, Big Mac ended up with Fluttershy, surprisingly. The biggest stallion in Ponyville and the shyest mare in Equestria. Who would have guessed?”

Steve grinned. He always had liked the fics that shipped those two together. “They are kindred spirits, if you ask me; they’re both kind, gentle, and soft-spoken at heart.”

“I’d say so, now that you mention it,” Twilight considered thoughtfully. “Anyways, they got married just a few weeks ago and they are still away on their honeymoon.”

“Rarity is still searching for the right colt, as I said before. Pinkie Pie is, well, Pinkie Pie as usual. If she is in a relationship of some sort, she must have promised to keep it a secret because I don’t think anypony has heard a word to confirm or deny if she is or not. And Rainbow Dash has a crush on-“

“Nopony! Rainbow Dash has a crush on nopony!” Rainbow blurted out suddenly, cutting Twilight off just in time.

“I think somepony is lying,” Steve observed. “If that was true, you would not be such a deep shade of purple right now, would you?”

Twilight gave a laugh, and Rainbow’s blush continued to deepen. She hid her head in her hooves, lying face first in the grass to avoid eye contact.

“-Soarin.” Twilight finished. “She has a mad crush on her senior officer, even though she isn’t supposed to!” Twilight clopped her hooves together and smiled gleefully. Steve laughed at the girls’ display, and nodded knowingly about the character in question. Rainbow moaned loathingly at the purple unicorn, thinking of some sort of retort with which to get some dignity back.

Steve leaned in nearer to Dash’s ear and whispered, “I guess you got into the Wonderbolts after all?” She nodded slightly, face still in the dirt. “Congrats.”

“Why,” Twilight continued, “just last week when I came over for a surprise visit to show off my new self-levitation spell… you should have seen it! In her house she has a whole room full of pictures, posters, plushies-“

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow spat vilely. “Well, at least I have somepony! All you have are your dumb books!”

Twilight’s face fell immediately. Steve sat, shocked at the outburst. Rainbow quickly clopped her hoof over her mouth, but it was too late. They sat in silence once again.

All three of them regretted that that had been said.

Author's note: There is still time to vote for ponies that you would like to see in later chapters, either because you like them, or maybe because you don't. Post in the comments and I will see what I can do.

Comments

[Paladin Redflare]

Fancy Pants... and Applejack, where Fleur de Liz (how u spell) at? Or is she just his trophy wife?

Rainbow had Soarin' and NOW NONE OF THEM HAVE ANYTHING, MWAHHAHAHA!