Chapter One
BRRIIINNGG-
Ugh.
A groggy Sweetie Belle looked distastefully at her alarm clock, which was now ringing violently, threatening to jump off her bedside table. Using her magic, Sweetie threw the clock across her room, slamming right onto a forgotten poster of DJ pon-3, adding yet another tear to the ancient sheet of paper. The ear-shattering ringing stopped.
Finally, Sweetie thought. Now, where was I... But before she could drift back to dreamland, a violet-maned unicorn burst through the door.
"Sweetie Belle, you simply must get up, it's your first day, remember?"
Groan... thought Sweetie Belle, before using her magic to throw a pillow at her sister. "SLEEEP..." Sweetie moaned, rather arrogantly. "SLEEEP..."
"Sweetie Belle, if you aren't at the breakfast table in 5 minutes, then I swear, I will PERSONALLY drag you to the school with my bare hooves. Understand?" Rarity's lecture was rewarded with a pillow to the face.
"Oooooh...", seethed Rarity, "That filly...." as she stomped angrily to the kitchen. Sweetie looked up. She's gone. thought Sweetie Belle, easing herself back into her comforter. But try as she might, she couldn't fall back asleep. "Oh, screw it all!" Sweetie mumbled, as she tromped out of bed. "May as well get up, got nothing better to do." She walked grudgingly over towards her vanity. Sweet Celestia, was her mane a wreck. And she could go shopping with the bags under her eyes. Using her magic, Sweetie brushed her mane and tail, applied her makeup, and filled her saddlebags with the textbooks she had been assigned that year. She looked in the mirror of her vanity.
Perfect.
"SWEETIE BELLE! DON"T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!!!!!"
Great. Just Great.
"What?! I'm coming!!" Sweetie shouted. She clopped down the stairs, finding Rarity levitating a stack of pancakes on her place setting, complete with garnish. Sweetie Belle sat down and began shoveling the food into her mouth as if she hadn't eaten in days. Her plate was suddenly whisked away.
"Young Mare, you will remember your manners, especially when you are eating in the company of another!"
"Yeah, whatever." was Sweetie's blunt reply, but regretting it after she saw Rarity's face began to turn scarlet with rage. To Sweetie's surprise, however, was that the redness was toning down to a faint coral, and her sister was speaking calmly to Sweetie, choosing her words carefully. "Sweetie, darling, I believe that I need to tell you something that, frankly, I don't believe you'll like very much." Sweetie Belle stopped gulping down her orange juice to stare at Rarity.
Silence.
Very uncomfortable silence.
"Rarity...."
"Yes, darling?"
"Did you sign me up for the classical music course again?" Her voice was deathly serious. Rarity knew that Sweetie Belle had hated the classes Octavia taught at the academy.
"That's not what I wanted to tell you, darling."
"Then WHAT?!!?"
"Sweetie Belle, dear, I'm quite afraid that your friend Scootaloo will not be attending this year."
"What? WHY?"
"Well... I'm not completely sure myself, dear. All I know is that it has something to do with her mother's... loss."
"Oh... that..." Sweetie Belle then went quiet, staring at the polished wood table.
"And Sweetie, darling..." Rarity said, pausing for a moment.
"What?" Sweetie's voice sounded rather exasperated, as if daring Rarity to deliver anymore bad news.
"I hope you like the Voice lessons at the academy."
*Gasp* "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUYOURTHEBESTSISTEREVERTHANKYOU!!!!!!!!!
Sweetie galloped out of the Boutique, an irreversible grin spread across her face.
At least she stopped whining about it. thought Rarity as she cleared Sweetie Belle's place.
***
Sweetie Belle was walking on air as she trotted to Sweet Apple Acres. I can't believe it! She finally signed the permission slip! thought Sweetie happily. This is the best day of my life! Her joy was so great, that Sweetie didn't realize that she was dancing.
In the middle of Main Street.
WHERE EVERYPONY COULD SEE HER.
However, she was snapped out of her daze when a bright orange pegasus with a pair of mechanical wings slammed on top of her for a crash landing. "Hey, watch where your- Scoots? What are you doing here?" Scootaloo stood up and brushed herself off, then looked at Sweetie. Her expression, thought Sweetie Belle. Why is it changing? For Scootaloo was acting very strangely. At first she seemed shocked, then guilty.
At last, she finally managed a weak smile. "Oh! Uh...Hey, Belle! What's up?" asked Scootaloo, nervously. But before Sweetie Belle could answer, she was interrupted by a swift reply from Scootaloo. "Well, gotta go! Things to do, ponies to see! Heheheh... Bye!"
But before she could zoom off, Sweetie grabbed hold of Scootaloo's tail with her magic. "Scootaloo! What is wrong with you today? Why are you acting so... weird?!" Sweetie Belle levitated Scootaloo to the ground. "Fess up, Scootaloo. Tell me EXACTLY what is going on."
An awkward silence resulted.
"WELL?!" said Sweetie, bitterly. "Talk!"
Scootaloo sighed. "Do you really want to know?"
"YES!"
"Fine... you remember the... accident, right?"
"Uh huh..." said Sweetie Belle, suspiciously. "What about it?"
"Well... ever since then, I've been helping out Rainbow Dash a lot, and she's teaching me how to be a good weather helper. And last week, she..." Scootaloo trailed off after that.
"What? Scootaloo, just tell me!"
"Rainbow Dash offered me a job, okay!" choked Scootaloo. "And I accepted!"
"Scoots, that's great! Isn't that, like, what you've always wanted? To work alongside Rainbow Dash?... Scoots? Are you okay?" For Scootaloo had gone silent, her eyes brimming with tears. "Sc -Scoots?"
Scootaloo muttered something indecipherable. "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"I said I dropped out, okay?!!" Scootaloo roared. " I couldn't stand it there! The kids were jerks, everypony thought I just plain dumb, a-and it would only remind me of..." Scootaloo choked out, unable to say those last words.
"Oh..." mumbled Sweetie, remembering her conversation with Rarity.
"I-I have to go, okay?" said Scootaloo, suppressing tears. "I'll see you around, Sweetie Belle." But before Sweetie could answer, Scootaloo zoomed off, nothing but an orange dot in the clouds. And this time, Sweetie didn't try to stop her.
I don't know what to make of this story yet, but I am still interested in seeing more! Hopefully we can get some info on what's going on before the start of this story, as that will kinda clear some confusion that I have at the moment.
4928824 what confusions are you having? perhaps i can solve them
4928839
I'm just wondering about events in the past, such as the accident with Scootaloo's parents, as well as if something happened to Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith (since you mentioned that Apple Bloom is working hard to keep Sweet Apple Acres afloat in the summary). I'm pretty sure that all will be explained in due time, and I'm willing to wait. Sweetie Belle's attitude reminds me of a typical teenager. I can't wait to see how Apple Bloom has changed. Like I said before, too many questions to answer at the moment for me.
It's a great start to a story! I can't wait to see what happens with the CMC's!
Good start. I certainly wanna read more and that's the essence of excellent writing ^_^ keep it up and don't get discouraged no matter what!
I have a question. How old are the CMC in here? My guess is 13 - 15 years old.
Hmm... I'm intrigued.
Remember, dialogue that connects to a sentence should end with a comma. Other than that a very good story. I'm interested in learning about this accident that Scootaloo had.
4929640 you are correct! the CMC are all just about 15 years old
This is really good for a first fanfic! I'm tracking this one :)
Rarity knew that Sweetie Belle had hated the classes Octavia taught at the academy.
Uppercase academy, its a special place.
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Sweet Celestia, was her mane a wreck.
Maybe you need an exclamation point here?
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Cool first story.
Allow me a bit of constructive criticism here (you did request other authors to do so). First of all, one word comes to mind when reading this first chapter: RUSHED. This felt ridiculously rushed. If I may suggest something, go back and very slowly re-read what you wrote. Add some details and take your time, you have a possibility here, please do not let it go to waste by making this a rush job. It's not my story, but if you want a good example of pacing then read the first chapter of Memory Pending.
Best of luck,
Truthseeker
so good! luv this!
Poor Scoots