A Blind Delight
Part 1: I See What You Did There
By: Major Frostwing
"Trevor... It's time to wake up Trevor." A voice said as I opened my eyes moving my head towards the voice. "Bout time you woke up Trevor. Don't want to miss your birthday do you." I nodded swinging my feet off of my bed I reached up scratching my head before I began my stretches. I was greeted by the sickening cracks of my joints.
"Thanks Matthew." I muttered as I grabbed my cane along with my wallet. "Can we run to the store I need a pack." I threw off my old shirt switching into a new one all of my clothes were the same color. A dark grey or black it matches everything and I blend in as much as possible.
"Yea we can just don't forget your glasses." He picked them up off of my nightstand setting them in my hand.
"Thanks." I sounded so sad as I slipped them onto my face.
"They bothering you Tre-" He began as I raised my hand to stop him.
"It's ok let's just go." I tapped my can on the ground once getting a "View" of my surroundings. I walked around my step-father going to the steps placing my hand on the railing feeling the small cuts counting them. 16 steps and 2 landings. I knew this by heart but it always made me feel at ease counting the cuts everyday. I made my way down the steps to the living room where I heard my mother and sister.
"Trevor about time you woke up it's 3 in the afternoon." My sister said giving me a hug.
"Hey Misty." I said wrapping my arms around her lifting her up into the air she giggled at this. "Did you get all dressed up for your big brother?" I asked her as she kissed my cheek. "I'll take that as a yes." I set her down hearing my mother walk towards me. She always was a soft walker.
"Happy birthday Trevor." She said in a light whisper she had a problem with her vocal cords. She couldn't talk above a whisper with out going into a coughing fit which put her in horrible pain. She held out a box to me which forced me to click my tongue to see how big it was. It wasn't that big but I could "See" the bow on it.
"Thank you mother." I said smiling. I grabbed the box gently as I unwrapped it I felt the object inside the box knowing what it was immediately. 'Is this Edgar Allan Poe?" I asked as my fingers danced around the object until I felt the brail. "Greatest poems of all time." I said with a smile. It was a new audio book and the one I have been wanting for so long strictly for how long the book was in this tiny pocket version of an audio book was over 700 hours worth of poems I felt inside the box again feeling a small packet. Batteries I would need them.
"You have been asking for it since you finished all the others we bought you." She gently clapped her hands together I could tell she was smiling.
"Trevor you ready?" My step-father asked as he entered the room. My smile vanished as I turned towards him.
"I'll be back in a minute Misty you be good for mother alright?" I held out my pinkie to her she wrapped her pinkie around mine giggling.
"I promise Trevor." She said letting go moving back to my mother to help her around the house.
"Be safe you two." My mother whispered I nodded as I moved towards the door.
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The drive to the store was quiet. I didn't have anything against my step-father but he wasn't my real father. My real father passed away when I was younger in a car crash which is also how I lost my vision. I was only 3 do you have any idea what it's like to wake up in a hospital bed knowing that your eyes are open yet all you see is darkness. It hurts in more than one way.
"You're being awfully quiet Trevor your not planning something world ending are you?" He joked as we continued to drive.
"World domination and all that Mathew." I said turning my head to him. "Nah I'm just reminiscing." I shrugged turning my head back forward.
"You know you can call me dad right?" He stated as I felt the car make a turn. "I am married to your mother." I shook my head pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Married and blood are two separate things." I muttered. "I don't mean to be rude to you Matthew but in my eyes you are my mother's husband but not my father." I cracked a smile at my little joke.
"For being 22 you are way to mature for your age." I chuckled at that. "Anyway we're here." I felt the car come to a stop I was first to get out pulling myself out of the car with a smile on my face. the sun felt great on my skin. I heard the door close as I turned towards Matthew. "I'll be back in a minute just wait here." He said tapping the hood of his car.
"Matthew I am 22 now I think I know what to do when left alone in a huge parking lot." He chuckled as he went inside the store. I only turned my head in the sun's direction.
"If you stare at the sun you'll go blind." I heard an elderly woman say to me.
"Excuse me but that was very rude to say." I said keeping my face tilted towards the sun.
"And how would giving a youngster like yourself friendly advice be rude?" She asked as I heard her cross her arms.
"Because madam I am already blind." I tilted my cane forward so she could see. My classic white and red cane. "You might not have noticed my cane so I will instead say thank you for the advice. Yet you are a little late in your warning." I chuckled as I heard footstep coming towards the car steps I recognized. I heard an object flying at me which I caught swiftly.
"Let's hurry back your mother is cooking for us tonight." I nodded as I opening the door getting in. "Was she bothering you Trevor?" Matthew asked as he buckled his seat belt.
"Don't worry about it Matthew." I said as I packed my cigarettes before opening it. I pulled one out lighting it with my zippo. "Let's just get home." I muttered as I took a long drag letting the smoke into my lungs before blowing it out of my nose.
"Fine shouldn't take that lo-" Matthew didn't finish that sentence as something slammed into my side of the vehicle. I felt as if I was propelled out of the vehicle but I didn't come in contact with the ground I just continued to fly through the air.
A warm light seemed to wrap around me before I came in hard contact with the ground I tumbled and rolled a few times before stopping.
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"You think it's alive?" I heard a voice ask as I layed on the ground it felt as if my body was thrown into a blender. I felt something nudge my side which earned my pokie a groan from me as I tried to sit up. "Hey calm down take deep breaths." The voice said as I placed my hand on my face feeling out the glasses over my eyes.
"Hey Rainbow is it ok?" A voice asked in a southern twang.
"I think so but it seems pretty banged up like a carriage ran it over." The raspy voice said trying to help me to my feet. "Can you speak how many fingers am I holding up?" I looked at the girl with a dead panned stare. "What? What's that look for I asked you a simple question." I clicked my tongue which allowed me to locate my cane.
"I can talk just fine but I can't answer that second question very well." I bent down wincing at the motion. When I grabbed my stick feeling something strange for being in the center of a large city. "Grass?" I muttered in a questioning tone. "Why is there grass in the middle of the city?" I asked myself as I stood back up cane in hand.
"And why can't you answer my second question?" The raspy voice asked me.
"Rainbow take a gander at it's cane." Said the girl with a southern twang. "It's blind Rainbow can't see a darn thing." The girl said as I heard the raspy voiced woman gasp.
"I am so sorry I didn't know I mean it." She sounded like she was freaking out I raised my hand to stop her.
"Let's focus on where I am and possible medical attention." I said calmly. "Also. Why are you calling me "It" I am a guy?" I tapped my can down on the ground only hearing a soft thud.
"Well it's cuz you don't exactly look like us." The raspy voiced woman said I could hear her scratch the back of her head.
"Ok let's focus on that later. Can we go somewhere else this sun is starting to get to me?" I fanned myself with my free hand.
"Sure can we'll take ya'll to Twi's she might be able to help ya'll with your situation." I nodded motioning for them to lead the way. When I felt and heard the sound of wings flapping I looked up to the sky.
"Some big birds in this area." I said to myself as I began walking after the two girls but something was picking at my brain. "Why is there the footsteps of only one and that flapping of wings is really close to my head?" I looked towards the direction of the flapping listening to it carefully.
"So what is your name?" A voice came from the flapping object next to me sounded just like the girl named Rainbow.
"Name's Trevor also what is making that wing flapping noise?" I asked her still looking towards the flapping sound.
"That would be me I am flying after all." Rainbow said in an arrogant tone. "Can't you tell?" She asked almost like a challenge.
"Blind remember." I said as I moved closer to the other girl.
"By the way the name's Applejack and it is a fine pleasure to meet you Trevor." The southern twang girl said in a chipper tone.
"Alright let's just hurry to this Twi's place so I can try and wrap my head around a few things." I said matching my pace to Applejack's.
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Twilight was in her library cleaning and organizing with the help of her dragon assistant Spike. "Remember to be very careful with those old books spike they are falling apart and will need to be rebound soon." She announced as Spike moved around the room carrying large stacks of books carefully.
"Got it Twilight." He said as he set the old books down in a pile. A knock came to the door. "I got it." Spike said opening the door to see Applejack and Rainbow Dash but there was a third person behind them. He had short sandy blonde hair with pitch black shades on his face. He looked almost alien to the small draconian. Applejack pat the boy on the head as all three of them entered the home.
Twilight turned around to see Applejack and Rainbow. "Girls I wasn't expecting to see either of you until later tonight." Twilight said setting down a stack of books. She looked back towards them to see Trevor which made her raise an eyebrow to him. "What is that thing a wild animal from the Everfree Forest?" Twilight asked pointing at him.
"He says his name is Trevor and he is also blind." Rainbow said touching down on the ground. "He also doesn't know where he is." Trevor raised a hand in greeting.
"Interesting he has no fur covering his boy except for the head." Twilight walked forward placing her hands on his glasses about to remove them. Trevor's hand grabbed her wrist stopping her.
"Never try to remove a blind man's glasses it is extremely rude." Trevor let go of her hand returning it to his side.
"I'm sorry." Twilight said as she looked at the side of his head. "Ears on the side of the head instead of on top of the head and don't seem to swivel or move from their position." Twilight grabbed a scroll and a quill writing down her findings. "Face seems to be flat with a small nose." She walked around Trevor. "No tail, wings, or horn." She stopped writing which made Trevor look towards her.
"Something wrong miss?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Can you tell me what species you are?" She asked calmly.
"Isn't it obvious I am human." He seemed to be getting more questions than answers.
"Well I guess we have a lot to discuss then Trevor." Twilight said showing him to a chair.
Nice.
Commas, learn to use them. I mean it, there was not a single comma in the entire chapter.
Secondly, the clicking thing, as far as I heard only one kid could do it and may he RIP. I'm not trying to be mean if your friend can actually pull it off but it's a one-in-a-million character trait.
Secondly-part-2, if he can do the clicking thing then the need for his cane becomes obsolete.
Thirdly, there are a few random words here and there which look to be leftovers from sentences you've scrapped.
Fourth, he's twenty-two but he's considered 'mature for his age'? There's a reason drinking is legal by twenty one in most countries yanno?
Fifth, unless he had things thrown at him his entire life, there is no way he would've had time between hearing a box of cigarettes being thrown at him, determining it's position through hearing only and finally being able to catch it within the confines of his seat without accidentally hitting something, let alone catching the thing.
Sixth, the attempt at comedy with the old lady part fell flat because there was simply no reaction on her part. You could argue that it was up to interpretation from the reader due to mainguy being blind, but that's just being lazy.
Seventh, and this is just me nitpicking here, how is twilight showing him to a chair?
Other than all those reasons and a few more, your story seems pretty okay I guess. It isn't a work of art but at least it isn't a run-of-the-mill guy goes into Equestria and kicks ass while also having all the mares fall for him while gaining 'deep emotional scars' because he killed something like a whiny ass piece o- I got sidetracked. Point is, you were able to jump the lowest rung on the ladder but still can't quite reach the top.
Good luck with your story, I'll check in every so often to see how you get along. Totally-not-creepy-or-anything-.
Great story bro good job
4833695
1.) I will admit that I need an editor.
2.) The cane is constantly needed for more than one reason. A simple reason is the cane is used as identification to the masses that he is blind.
3.) About the cigarette catching out of thin air it really depends on how it is thrown that determines if he can catch it. Such as if it is tossed it can be caught but if it is fast balled they most likely will move out of the way.
4.) Twilight leading Trevor to a chair... think about it how do you show someone to their seat. Now imagine having to physically guide them there.
5.) I understand criticism is needed to improve writing but addressing the key points is all you need to do not nitpick the story. But you did make good points that needed a little explaining and therefore I answered them.
6.) I'm going back to bed now after I eat so I wish you a good day. Hopefully I can improve in time for the next chapter.
4834045
1) that's the first step to solving a problem.
2) okey doke.
3) Then you need to describe how it is thrown, or if you can't do that, describe how it is caught or something, idunno.
4) Yet again, if twilight is physically guiding him to a chair then you have a chance to elaborate on that and further extend the story. Like, did the hold his hand or do something really awkward etc. Just saying that Twilight showed him to a chair is rather short because... Well... He's blind. Boy that was straightforward.
5) I shall nitpick as I please!
6) Enjoy your eats and sleep well dude.
4834113
I'll get to work fixing the chapter while I am at work tonight no commas though I just don't know where to put them in correctly.
There're several grammatical errors here and there but other than that the story seems good.
You should think about getting an editor.
4834123
Hmm, lemme see if I can lend a hand in my bedridden state then.
4834123
Nvm, gave up after a minute of trying to do do it on my iPod.
How fun.
Heheh...Blind joke.
He seems to be taking the whole thing extremely well. Unrealistically well actually considering he was just in a car accident. ... and he isn't the least curious/worried about where the car is or what happened to his stepfather.
Finally read your first chapter.My only complaint is that he pretty calm who just went though a Car accident but what I do like is that your treating his disability fairly. I read people fan fics before who give characters disabilities but they treat character like a joke. Like it something you should make fun of. I'm glad you didn't do it this way.
Anyway onward to chapter 2.
something tells me you have no idea how to use commas. let me show you an example
...Why the hell would she ask this? Are the characters in this story just idiots or something? He's fully dressed, wearing glasses, uses the cane to help move, and on top of that he talks. She sees all of this and immediately is like, "Oh wow guys what's this weird monster thing is it from the everfree forest or something?!"
This reminds me of Daredevil's orgin story
9511001
Yeah its not like there aren't other thinking feeling intelligent species in their world yet they are clueless in this.