Accelerando

by Cobalt Shine

The Begining: A problem stirring(Fixed)

(Octavia)

It was a lovely day - it had ought to have been, for the events that were going to unfold that night were incredible. Octavia was simply enjoying a light breakfast before casually taking a stroll outside to see if the mail ponies had delivered her mail. She then casually laid her bowl down on the table, got up and took a stroll towards the door. She slowly walked outside and took in the fresh air; it was truly a nice day. She felt the wind caress through her mane as she walked outside onto the beautiful green grass, which always looks as though it had been freshly mowed. Taking her time, she finally arrived at her mailbox, opening it to find one letter. The envelope was that of a bill, to her annoyance. However, upon inspection, she found it was not actually a bill, but an invite.

Ripping it's seal off, she yanked the note free and read:

Dear Miss Octavia.

This evening we are holding a party, in which we hope you are able to attend, We always enjoy your music and were hoping if you would be able to attend for us. We would be incredibly honored. There will be drinks and refreshments, and I will also provide the technical services: a microphone and stage.

We hope you will be able to make it

Yours truly, Mr and Mrs Shine

Address: 422 Pennyfilly way

Time :10pm - 3am

Contact: Air Mail

" An invite from both the famous Mr and Mrs Shine? That sounds lovely! This shall be great!" Octavia exclaimed. She strolled back towards her mansion, and requested to one of her butlers to get her cello stringed up, packed, and ready to go, while she spent the next four hours getting groomed and ready for the night ahead.

First she took a long bath in a jacuzzi tub, then had her mane made up into that special way that she only has when she is performing: straight after she has her coat groomed and scrubbed - a rather long process, but she enjoyed it. When her coat was fully groomed and ready, she slowly entered her Limousine and sat back her cello right next to her. She ordered the driver to the appropriate address. No stops - she wanted to get there early for a small practice.

(Vinyl Scratch)

It was a hard day, and Vinyl's eyes hurt from all the partying she had done the night before. She groaned as she got up and opened her blinds, only making her eyes hurt more. Growling, she continued on with the morning processes. She then slowly trotted down the long hallway in her house to her kitchen, got some bread and put it in the toaster. Afterwards, she picked some daisies and a small amount of grass and put it in between the two dry slices of toast. Once she had coffee made, she sat in her chair, lazy for the next hour, doing no more than watching television.

After she had finished her favorite show, she walked outside onto the sand the stretched down the huge beach by her house. On either side of her, she let the salty wind brush past her as she trotted along through the sand. It was hot - luckily, she had new hoofshoes. Her old ones had been destroyed by years of usage, and they would be burning by now. She got to the mailbox, skimming through the junk when her attention was caught by a crisp, eloquent envelope. Quickly, surrounded by curiosity, she cracked it open.

Dear Miss Vinyl Scratch

Tonight, we will be holding a party in which would be love your attendance. We had hoped you would be able to come and DJ for us. Of course, there will be a payment, food and drink will be available, and I will be providing a microphone and stage.

We hope you can make it.

Sincerely, Mr and Mrs Shine

Place: 422 Pennyfilly way

When: 10pm - 3am

Contact : Air Mail

"This sounds like fun... I can't believe I've been invited by the Shines, aw this is gonna be so rad!" She exclaimed as she took out a bite from her daisy and grass sandwich. She then trotted back to her home, looking at the beach and it's never ending beauty. As she finished her sandwich, she ran around the house - looking for her purse, no less - and then dashed outside, calling a taxi to take her to the Ponyville plaza.

When she arrived, the first thing she did was go to Ponyville Express Haircuts and got her hair coloured and streaked. Finished with that, she went to Ponyville Special and got her coat groomed; she certainly took her time there. Later, she got distracted by the DJ equipment store and picked up a whole stack of new records. By the time she got back it, was time to go. She ran inside, grabbed her gear, and left.

Octavia was the first to arrive. Nopony was there, with the exception of Mr. and Mrs. Shine. It was a nice place; it wasn't entirely formal, but it was still an honour to be invited to a party of such a high demeanor.

"It's a lovely place you have here. Would you mind if I practiced a bit?" asked Octavia

"Oh, Octavia, we're so glad you could make it! Of course you may use the stage as you please," said Mrs. Shine. Mr. Shine simply nodded his head as a kind gesture.

"Why thank you; how long do you assume it will take the other ponies to arrive?" Octavia asked

"Oh well V-murphghgh." Mr. Shine was cut off with his wife's hoof in his mouth. Octavia simply gave a confused eye at this action.

"They should be here in an hour or two," Mrs. Shine said, removing her hoof from the colt's mouth. All Octavia did was simply smile and she went up to the large wooden stage, sat on a stool and called her butler to send up her cello. She pulled out the large instrument and started playing a simple line of cords.

Around 2 to 3 hours later, all off the ponies were there, all walking around and enjoying idle conversation and refreshments. At the time Octavia was not playing, she was making some small talk with the more classier ponies. Mrs. Shine came from behind, looking a little flustered, as though she had been busy. It made sense; this was a huge party.

"Ahem, excuse me Octavia, would you mind playing some more...fast-paced music on your cello? Haven't heard that in a while. It's a party, so we need some lively music," She said.

"Of course, it would be my pleasure. Shall I get started now?" Octavia asked.

"Yes, please, that would be perfect," she responded.

Octavia walked up to the stage at with a quickened pace. She walked up to her case, picked out the cello and bow and stared pulling at the strings. She had one of the more talented butlers come up and play the violin as a duet, along with yet another butler on a drum. Everypony just looked in Octavia's direction, amazed and astounded. There was a fire of awe coming from the bow. She wasn't even playing at her full capabilities, and yet she still managed to impress ponies on a large scale. However, in the midst of her song, there was a large thump next to her. On instinct she looked, bringing her song to a halt.

She, as well as everypony else, turned to see that it was Vinyl Scratch. She had slammed down her DJ set and had begun mixing immediately to compete with the cellist. Octavia threw her bow at Vinyl's heard in pure, unrefined anger. The DJ had quick reflexes, and managed dodged it, but stopped playing as well.

"What are you doing here?" Octavia asked, pointing a hoof accusingly.

"I was gonna ask you the exact same thing!" Vinyl replied.

"I was here first! Now why in the name of Celestia are you here!"

"I was invited, whereas you just waltzed on in," the unicorn sneered.

"This is my job! Get out of here!" Octavia yelled.

"What?! I was invited to this gig! You just set up here and played your stupid cello," the DJ retorted.

"Then why weren't you here earlier?!" She responded

"Because I'm not perfect, like you apparently are Octavia!" Vinyl replied. This provoked her; Vinyl knew she didn't take insults well.

"Perfect? why.....why, look at you; up all night spinning those damn records, beating your music at ridiculously high levels," Octavia spat back.

"You're a filthy little filly, you know that?"Vinyl jibed.

Engulfed in rage that she could no longer contain, Octavia picked up her cello and swung it full speed at Vinyl's face. It was a direct hit.

She screamed from the pain, a long, high wail echoing around the room.

The blow sent Vinyl flying across the stage like a home run in baseball. The audience shrieked; Octavia could have killed Vinyl for all anypony knew. But that mare was strong, simply standing up, a large swollen bruise engorging her face. She also bled on the side of her face, long strands of warm crimson flowing down her cheek. She turned around, and full on bucked her turntables at Octavia. It was yet another direct hit.

"So, it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!" the agonized Vinyl Scratch screeched.

And A ridiculously large thanks to Lynked did a really good job on editing

Comments

[Lynked]

Oh, um,

All right. First off, let me give you some pretty sound advice. This is probably the best anyone can ever give you here: Get a proofreader. Please, I beg of you. I saw capitalization errors, punctuation errors, formatting errors, etc.

Also, this may just be my preference, but try indenting your paragraphs. It makes it easier - for me at least - to read. Try double spacing too; when you have a scene break/shift, it's probably best to use something like *** or ~~~, or anything of the sort. Double space your paragraphs for easier reading, and add those in scene breaks to make them clearer.

On a different not, this felt fast. I could easily see this being stretched out into at least 1,000 more words at least. At least. Take your time, no need to rush it. Honestly, that end scene where the two see each other and start arguing could have been more detailed, with a bit more words spewed. Not just 'I see you, you see me, I hate you, wham'. That's rather unrealistic, especially at a high-society party.

Other than that, this is interesting. I'm not sure what you're doing with it yet, but I'll be paying attention nonetheless.

[Background_Pony]

I agree with Lynked.

Get a glubbin' proofreader!
Other than that, it's quite fascinating!

[n]

Yeah, you should get a proofreader, as the two above mentioned already.

I would offer to do it, but I have my hands full with other stories. I would advise you look into some of the author groups and ask for help.

[Cobalt Shine]

Yes I agree, with you all but detail is my worst skill I will fix as much as possible, also I did write this all by mobile and we all know how that would turn out when I get home I will rewrite it

[Lynwen]

As the others said, it felt rushed and there were many, many grammatical mistakes. I usually don't mind, but this was pretty bad. I was pleading for a comma to be at some spots. Other than that, it's fine I suppose. Keep it going, but improve on this.
Just as a random other little tid bit, since I'm apparently in a nit picking mood. In Vinyl's letter from the Shines, it doesn't actually say it's from the Shines. I guess by the address she could assume it's from them, but it's not like Octavia's, where it actually says, "Yours truly, Mr. and Mrs. Shine".

[Mcyav]

She resplonded. I don't think that was intentional, but it sounds awesome!

[Cobalt Shine]

451048 as i said before this was on my phone the resplonded thing, i once said that i responded and exploded at someone

[Cobalt Shine]

451034 buck your right, how did i forget that

[Ghost8909]

Also, Mr. shine is just a colt...? Hmm... By this I mean, shouldn't he be a stallion?

[Canterlot Landfill]

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