If her snores were any indication, Rarity was clearly enjoying her dreams. Hunched over and drooling in a very unladylike fashion, she sat, sleeping at her work table after a long, and rather unintentional night of brainstorming. Shoved to the side were various sketches and designs of coats and jackets, each bearing the image of a sun some where on them. Even as the sun poked down through a nearby window, Rarity continued to revel in sleeps blissful embrace.
*BRRRRRRRING*
Rarity jerked her head up in alarm, dried drool sticking a few papers to her face. Looking around, she realized that the demon noise was coming from the cell phone on the table next to the pool of saliva. Blushing harshly, she quickly reached inside of her work desk and grabbed a few conveniently placed tissues. While she embarrisingly cleaned up her unsightly mess with one hand, she answered her phone and put it to her face with the other. “Hel--”
The loud voice of her aunt burst through the phone. “Rarity! Where in the world are you?”
Rarity flinched at the volume but answered anyway. “Well, I’m at home. I--”
“Nevermind that. You need to hurry your tush down here, pronto!”
Aside from the loud volume, Rarity also hear the telltale sounds of people moving around. Suddenly, Rarity began to fear the worst. “What? Is something wrong?”
“No! Something’s right. We got an actual turn-out today! There's at least 50 people up here.”
Rarity tossed away the tissues. “Seriously? That’s more than half.”
“Seriously. Also, today’s the deadline for all dress designs. You need to bring your's in and meet with the other designers. Little piece of advice; don’t show anyone your design. No matter how much you want to brag or how many praises they shower you with. I know generosity is your thing, but so is vanity. Do not give away your ideas. It’s for your own good, honey. Now, I gotta go start rehearsals early so I’ll see you up here.”
Hot Topic finished her warning and hung up instantly. Rarity nearly hopped in the air in excitement. Her celebration lasted all of three seconds before a nearby mirror reminded her of her horrible appearance.
One shower and three different hair stylings later, she was out the door with her dress.
About half way between her home and the show's location Rarity suddenly realized that neither Sunset nor Coco were with her. She began to wonder why neither had come to wake her up. Pulling out her phone she decided to call Coco first. However, one look at the top of her home screen told her that she had a missed call, most likely from her aunt, and two unread text messages. Both were from Sunset.
They read: "Got stuff to do this morning so I’ll met you up there."
Followed by: "meet*"
“Well that answers one question,” Rarity muttered. She quickly dialed up Coco’s number.
Coco answered after the first ring, “Hello?”
“Good morning, darling.”
“Oh! Hi, Rarity. I tried to call you earlier.”
Rarity bushed slightly and thought back to the missed call sign. Suddenly, she felt bad for somehow sleeping through the first call. “Really? Why?”
“To tell you that I was on my way to your house. But you didn't answer. When I knocked on the door and there was no answer there either, I just assumed you had already left.”
“Well, I am sorry, I had a surge of ideas and... I regret to say that I may have overslept a bit,” she chuckled nervously. “Anyway, so are you at the stage hall now?”
There was a bit of silence on the other end before Coco answered. “No… The big guy out front said that, for today and tomorrow, no one but the contestants and designers are allowed inside. I went home after that because I couldn't reach you or Sunset.”
“Ohhhhhhh,” Rarity fumed, her grip on the bag tightening, “That brute. Well I’ll make them let you in. You’re as much responsible for this design as I am. By all rights you should’ve been let in!”
“Rarity don’t worry about it. I still get to see you two during the actual thing. So it’s fine. Go and have fun. I’ll talk to you after it’s over.”
Rarity calmed slightly. “Well… alright then," she grumbled. "But that bouncer will be hearing a thing or two from me.”
There was a soft giggle on the other end that made Rarity smile. “Well then, darling, enjoy your free day. Relax, go to the spa. Perhaps even take a nice walk around the city. I don’t assume that with helping me you've seen everything this town has to offer?”
“No, you’re right. Thanks for suggestion.”
“Good. I hope you have a wonderful time.” Rarity hung up the phone and hurriedly strolled the rest of the way to where the show will be held.
After giving the outside bouncer a thing or two, Rarity confidently made her way inside. Her first instinct was to look for Sunset until she remembered that she was holding a very valuable piece of clothing. So instead, she made her way over to where she could see the other designers gathering.
Moving through the crowd, she realized that she recognized a few faces. She could see Photo Finish talking with her friends Pixel Pazazz and Violet Blurr. She also caught a glimpse of one of her fellow sewing club members. Off to one side she thought she saw a familiar cross-eyed girl but before she could get a clear look she bumped into a taller someone. “Oh, I am terribly sorry,” she quickly apologized.
The girl in front of her dusted her chest off and looked at Rarity blankly. “Don’t worry about i- Rarity?”
Rarity glanced up from the ground and met the eyes of a tall woman with short but styled pink hair. That taller someone turned out to be none other than Prim Hemline, the former president of Rarity's sewing club. “Prim?”
Rarity and Prim Hemline looked at one another for a second before she eagerly hugged her. “Rarity, where have you been? The club hasn't seen you at all lately.”
Rarity held her arm out, praying that the outfit's bag didn't wrinkle. Finally free, Rarity examined the dress bag before turning back to her predecessor. “I am sorry. I was busy working on my entry for this contest.”
“Really?” she breathed looking down at the monogrammed bag that held Rarity's design, “Any chance I could take a peak?”
“Oh why cert--” 'Do not give away your ideas!' Her aunt’s words echoed through Rarity’s head. “I am sorry, Prim but you will just have to wait like everyone else.”
The women pouted slightly but seemed to understand the situation. “Well, I guess that’s fair. I wouldn't go showing off either. Especially not with this many people around. I swear some of them are going to cheat. You remember Suri?”
Rarity gave her a disgusted look. “Yes…” Rarity clearly remembered the girl who stole both her fabric and her designs a while back,
Prim nodded and motioned for Rarity to follow her. “I think she may have entered. I saw her name on the list but I don’t see her anywhere.”
The fashionista grumbled darkly to herself. “Oh I knew I should have had Sunset take pictures of the designer sign up list as well.”
Prim stopped dead in her tracks. Turning around, it was Prim who gave the disgusted look this time, “Sunset? You mean Sunset Shimmer?”
Rarity looked at her nervously. “Yes… she’s my model? Who’s yours?”
“Hold on. You mean you actually made an outfit for that demon?”
Rarity looked at her with an offended glare. “Excuse you, Prim, but Sunset is my friend! She’s sorry for what she’s done and does not deserve to be treated like that.”
Prin's lips pulled back into a sneer. “Sure I’ll stop trash talking her when my little sister stops having nightmares.”
Rarity looked at her, confused, “Nightmares?”
“Don’t worry about it," she sighed, calming down. "I heard that Shimmer had entered so I wasn't going to show up. Luckily, it was just a rumor so I thought it was fine. But if she’s actually here, I’m leaving.”
Prim began to walk away until Rarity grabbed her arm. “Prim wait--”
“No, thank you,” she said. Taking her arm back she pointed to a nearby area. “Those guys over there will take care of your design. Clearly, she’s already got in your head. If I were you I’d find a new model.”
Rarity watched her friend storm off. Highly confused, Rarity moved over to where Prim directed her and handed over her items. A few people were looking at her now and it made her feel uncomfortable. She quickly left to go find either her aunt or Sunset.
~~~
Sometime later, the rehearsal ended and Rarity left the place exhausted. This time, with so many new people, she had to help her aunt with some of the new arrivals and get them up to speed. Unfortunately, the rehearsal went on about two and a half hours longer because of this. It also didn't help that a certain great and powerful magician wanted to be difficult. How she didn't get sent home by Topic was anyone’s guess.
What’s worse was that she hadn't seen hide nor hair of her own model. Nevertheless, she walked home with her phone to her ear as she waited for Sunset to pick up.
“Yo.”
“Sun~set!” she whined. “Where are you?”
“On my way home from rehearsal… why?”
Rarity thought on it for a second as suspicion raised itself in her gut. She had no reason to distrust Sunset, but a nagging feeling wouldn't go away, “Are you sure...? I didn't see you anywhere today.”
“Well I saw you. I tried to say hi but your aunt was grilling me about posture.”
Rarity let out a light hearted chuckle. “Yes, she can be quite demanding. But I love her anyway.”
“Yeah, I guess she’s a little nice. She actually did me a favor.”
“Oh really? What was it?”
“Nothing important," Sunset answered. There was a pause before she continued. "It’s getting dark.”
Rarity smiled, relieved that Sunset seemed to care about her safety. As she believed that it only served to show that they were becoming closer. “Do not worry about me. My home is just around the corner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“‘Kay. I’ll meet you up at the place.”
“Alright then.”
~~~
The next day went almost exactly the same. The only differences were that; A) Rarity woke up bright and early with no drool covering her sheets. And, B) There were even more people this time. It seemed like the entire list had all spontaneously decided to show up on the final day of rehearsal. Causing everything to be even more hectic.
Unfortunately, this meant more running around for Rarity and a few others. Everyone needed to be briefed on the events for the show. All the participants needed a few more pieces of advice and direction, and a certain show off still got it in her head that she just had to be the center of attention. Same as yesterday, several people, not including her for some reason, got sent home because they couldn't keep up. At the end, each participant was handed a number. This number dictated when they went on and was shared with a number that was given to the participants corresponding designer, who would get them ready to go onstage beforehand.
Rarity was given number 21. She could only assume that Sunset got the same seeing as how she still hadn't seen her anywhere. Even during the break she was nowhere to be found. This struck Rarity as odd, so during the break, Rarity dialed her up only to get her answering message immediately. Huffing in annoyance, Rarity simply moved on and continued helping around when needed.
Eventually, the exhausting day ended and Rarity was on her way home. The second she opened her door her phone began to ring. Seeing that it was Sunset’s number she answered it immediately.
Sunset's voice poured through the speaker. “I am so sorry. I didn't realize my phone was dead. Don’t really have a lot of outlets here.”
This time she knew something was up. “Fine, but I know that you didn't show up today.”
“Yes I did.”
“No, you didn't,” Rarity accused. “I even went looking for you during the break.”
“I went out to grab something to eat real quick. That’s what you do during a break, isn't it?”
Rarity faltered for a second, momentarily caught off guard by the snide remark. “Well… yes. But still how come I didn't see you any other time?”
There was a sigh before Sunset answered. “Rarity, there were at least 100 people running around. I know for a fact that around 60 of them are going to walk down that runway, and that 20 of them only showed up today and needed extra attention. I would actually be surprised if you saw me.”
Rarity went silent for a moment, judging Sunset’s logic. Once she realized it was sound she responded, “I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry for accusing you. I guess that I’m probably just a little stressed.”
“Don’t worry about it. The show’s tomorrow so we should better get some sleep. We’ll have to meet tomorrow anyway so you can get me ready.”
“That is true. I will need a lot of beauty sleep If I am to help you look your best.”
“Why would you need to look good if you’re just going to help me look good?”
Rarity turned a corner, relieved to see her residence in the distance. “Why to inspire confidence of course!” she declared proudly.
Sunset wondered if Rarity could hear her eyes rolling. “Right. See you tomorrow.”
“Bright and early,” Rarity agreed, smiling brightly.
Both girls hung up their phones.
~~~
The next day couldn't come sooner. But when it did, everyone was delighted to see that it was a nice day overall. The sun was out, the weather was cool but not too chilly, and everyone seemed to just wake up in a good mood this morning. Today was the perfect day to hold a fashion show. Today was also the day that everyone would see Sunset for who she really was; a kindhearted, sorrowful--
"--annoying showboating witch,” Rarity thought when she looked at the silver haired girl sitting in her model’s seat. With all of her barely held rage Rarity asked, “Trixie… I’ll ask one more time. Why are you here? This is not your seat.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie’s placement card says otherwise.” Trixie held up her card. On it in large bold numbers, was 21. Snatching it from her, Rarity compared it to her card. It was definitely a perfect match. There were 30 chairs set up for all of the remaining 60 entrants and this was without a doubt, the 21st.
“Where did you get this card?” Rarity hissed. She continued glancing between the two as if her irritation would cause it to suddenly reveal itself to be fake.
Trixie scoffed, “The same place you got yours. From the organizers.”
Rarity began fuming slightly. “I am an organizer, Trixie, and I didn't give this to you.”
Trixie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Not you! You idiot. The other one. Hot Topic gave it directly to Trixie.”
“I-- but-- you!” Turning around, Rarity fished out her cell phone and quickly dialed her aunt.“
“Rarity? Can this wait the show’s about to--”
“This will take one second, auntie. I swear. Didn't you give the numbered ticket to Sunset Shimmer like we discussed? I told you that we were already paired together.”
“Sunset? The girl with the intertwining red-yellow hair? She dropped out after the second day. Traded placed with someone named Trixie I think. A little unorthodox, but since she was your friend I allowed it. Listen, you found each other right? I need to go. Hurry and get ready--" Hot Topic’s voice suddenly became fainter as she turned away from the phone. "NO! Not over there! Here!”
The line cut and Rarity was left speechless.
“Now do you see?" gloated Trixie. "Sunset Shimmer realized her inferiority to the Great and Powerful Trixie and came to Trixie seeking redemption.”
Rarity turned back to her with a look of deep confusion and surprise. “She what…?”
“Sunset Shimmer came to Trixie two days ago and pleaded for Trixie to take her place. Apparently, she knew that Trixie didn't have anyone to design her anything. She only asked Trixie to do one thing in return. Being the humble and generous person she is, Trixie granted her wish--ahh!”
Rarity wasted no time in grabbing the showoff by her shoulders. Panicking, she thrust her face into hers. “What was the favor?”
“Unhand Trixie you harlot!” Trixie slapped away Rarity’s grip and dusted herself off. “Trixie was required to spread the word that Sunset had officially dropped from the running. Basically, Trixie was supposed to announce to the world that Trixie was replacing her in this competition. An easy and rewarding task if Trixie says so herself.”
Rarity took a step back and put a hand to her head, her eyes wide with shock. “But why would she…?”
“Obviously, because she realized that she wasn't meant to be here. Maybe there's some hope for that she-demon yet.”
Rarity turned and leveled an instant glare at the person who said that. She saw three girls. One with bright red hair. One with curly green and one with light amber.
Rarity instantly recognized them as Canterlot High’s premier gossip club. Nicknamed the Flower Trio; Rose, Lily Valley, and Daisy had their ears on just about every piece of juicy gossip in the city.
“I gotta admit," Lily Valley, the one with amber hair, added, "I was worried that she had gotten to you, Rarity,”
“What in the world are you talking about?” Rarity fumed.
Rose stepped forward. “We were just saying that it’s a relief that Sunset decided to release her hold on this competition. No one would've won if she had stayed.”
“That’s because no one would’ve shown up,” Lily added once again.
Rarity simply stood in her place in a perpetual state of shock, “Wha... what do you mean?”
Rose sighed. “What? Did the brainwashing scramble your hearing? I said that we made sure that no one showed up because Sunset was running. When we heard that she dropped out, it allowed the rest of us to get a shot without her here cheating.” Rose sighed and continued. “You remember the Spring Fling? She clearly intimidated the judges into winning. Who’s to say she won’t do it here by brai--”
*SLAP*
Trixie jerked forward in her seat, jaw rolling off somewhere at the sight in front of her. Rose slowly turned her head back and touched her sore cheek. Rarity lowered her hand. A deep frown now pasted on her face
“Don’t you dare say that again. Sunset Shimmer is not an evil she-demon, witch, or devil. She’s a good person who’s made a few bad choices. She knows that and she’s trying so hard to redeem herself. But with you three going around spreading rumors she can’t do that anymore. No one is going to see anything different than what you tell them, and because of that no one will give her another chance!”
“So what! Do you know how many people were affected by what she did?!” Rose screamed back. “Do you know how many people stay up at night because they are scared of going back to sleep? Most of us can’t have a single night where we don't have nightmares of what that girl did!” A crowd was beginning to gather around the two girls, curious to see what all the screaming was about.
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh you don’t know?” Rose scoffed. “Figures. You weren't affected like the rest of us. You had your weird magic to protect you. Fine. When we were brainwashed we were subjected to horrible visions the entire time. Horrible things that we never want to see again. It was different for everyone but for me it was the sight… no, the memory of watching my mother die from her disease. I had nightmares when it happened the first time…. But that... that demon made me relive it over and over again until I woke up. And even now I sometimes see it in my dreams. You really expect me to forgive her after that? Do you expect anybody to?!”
Rarity flinched back. She wasn't aware that it was that bad. Looking through the crowd she saw the faces of a few people who were there that night. Their eyes were downcast, silently agreeing that it was, in fact, the case. They all suffered from nightmares that kept them from sleeping.
Before anybody could say anything else, Hot Topic burst through the door. “What in the world are you all standing around for?! We start in half an hour and we have to get everyone ready! MOVE!” she screamed. Everyone scattered instantly. Rose, however, remained where she was for a few more seconds, glaring harshly at Rarity before finally moving back to her seat.
“Excuse me, dressmaker. But we don’t have all day,” Trixie called out.
Rarity sighed heavily. Many things were rolling around in her head now. Many things indeed. One thing was for sure though. Between Rose, Trixie, and Sunset, somebody was going to get another slap from her.
Yay, Violet Blurr was mentioned!
There shouldn't be a quotation there.
The title seems fine. I can say I'm glad that this endeavor has blown up in Rarity's face, it was a dumb, but in character dumb, idea from the start, and the only reason no one called her out on it was due to no one actually caring what happened to Sunny. I can see it now, after a heart to heart with Sunny, Rarity whines to her friends about the whole thing, but they don't care. Dash bumps into Sunny outside the bookstore since they're both waiting for it to open, so they can buy the next book.
They start talking, and after getting the books a 'friendly' soccer game breaks out. One thing leads to another and Sunny joins the track team, or something. Then after they win the state championships Dash and Sunny confess their love for each other and open a hardware store together.
What? Rainbow Rocks made the idea of shipping Sunny and EqG Dash seem like a good idea to me, and Sonata, can not forget Sonata.
5108441 lol one thing sticks out at me... just one thing.
Why a hardware store?
..One, i want to punch Trixie now.
Two, i want to slap Sunset.
Three, somebody pressured Sunset into leaving. And i want their head on a pike.
i'm surprised rose didn't slap rarity back that woulda been a nice part to the chapter, girl fight :)
5106408
And according to that Wikipedia article: "Humansville was named for James Human, who settled in the area in 1834."
Huh. Didn't even know "Human" was actually useable as a name.
"Hello, I'm Human… James Human."
I... I wanna hug Sunset~
5109625 Then I'm doing my job.
lol
5108483 Why? Trixie didn't do anything wrong
5109633 - That you are, this is the best Sunset story I've read on FimFiction, keep up teh great work.
5108469
Because no one would expect it to be a hardware store.
5109633 She acted like a female dog.
Jeez that stuff with the nightmares, seems like it fits perfectly, and makes perfect sense as an after-effect of being mind-controlled by dark magic. But it really makes this fic seem dark.
I'm starting to wonder if, for most of the students, this resembles those cases where a college student commits assault against another student, and then the perpetrator is allowed to keep going to classes, and the victim feels like they can't escape their tormentor. And then Rarity slaps one of the victims for wishing she could escape the tormentor's presence. I wonder how many students have already transferred out of Canterlot High to escape Sunset Shimmer?
5111833
Oh come on I actually tried to make Hot Topic seem likable...
5111918 .
You see that raises the question of who is right or wrong here.
Sunset for unknowingly inducing the nightmares?
The students for being semi-rational and wanting to stay clear of the cause?
Or Rarity for wanting Sunset to be treated fair, despite being ignorant of the real cause of the students' anger(and by extension the town)?
5112798
You did, and you made a noble effort of it. But South Park told me different:
"unknowingly?" You mean she meant to enslave her fellow students and march them off to war in Equestria as child soldiers, and, given that they are unarmed child soldiers in unfamiliar pony forms, almost certainly get them slaughtered, but she didn't "knowingly" give them nightmares? Yeah, that's a fair point, but It's not that hard to pick a right and wrong here. This isn't students lying in wait and ambushing Sunset Shimmer, it's students avoiding her when possible.
As for rationality, is it rational to enter a contest with someone who went out of her way to destroy everyone who ever competed with her in anything before she turned into a mind controlling witch demon, for the 1 in ~50 chance to win a mention in fashion magazines and tickets to the Grand National Gala? (Admittedly that is a really cool prize).
Man I'm sorry if I'm bringing you down. Now I can't help feeling like Sunset's best chance is to just move to another state. At least Trixie was awesome and hilarious as always. I bet she throws burned toast at some of the competitors.
I hope ol' Shim-Sham does better with the next friend (although I'd still call Rarity's efforts a success, since Sunset learned to be friendly with both her and Coco). And I hope we hear more about President
Nixon's HeadSombra and other wacky hijinks.Hit her again!
5117736 Depends on your area then, every school I've ever visited or even heard of gets a dead person's name slapped on it, or (this is California) something in Spanish or the name of a tree.
5117741
Yes, I suppose it's regional. The other half of the schools around here are named after dead people, so that one's universal, though I've never heard of one named after a tree and none around here are named anything in Spanish.
Question, how long till the real main event starts with Sunset and Rd finding out they both love Daring do? Dont get me wrong I am enjoying the filler, but I must admit i am getting a little impatient lol
5125788 Good news for you because it starts right next chapter.
lol Honestly I really didn't expect for this section to take this long. Pacing can be really annoying sometimes. But please note that Rarity's part does have a huge impact on the rest of the story, I wouldn't call it filler, so much as a prologue.
5127254 YAY! So any idea when we can expect the next chapter?

5127271 Well I update my stories in order. So right after No game No Life and Spirit Awakening. Basically, in about a week lol
5127368 ohhh thanks I look forward to it.
5132018 In response to your comment I direct you to this one. 5106400 Stupid or not, I now have actual reality on my side.
5132213 Once again, South Park told me to do it:
5132104 any plans to now have the events in this story lead into the second movie for the end? Just curious.
5164737 I will admit. I have been tossing a few ideas around thinking i could work it in somehow. I've got a few but I'm not gonna promise anything.
Awesome story! Please update soon.
5234339 Oh come on Humanville is a real place why are people still mad over that?
Otherwise thanks for the advice, I'll get to work on trying to fix the problems in 5234057 
Meh. This story is pretty meh.
For starters, the pacing started getting pretty fast. I feel like you didn't leave enough time for your characters to develop properly. Sunset started out seeming pretty reasonable, but right now? I dunno. Her progression hasn't felt very natural. I also feel like Rarity was far too oblivious; that sequence of events was handled pretty poorly, honestly.
Then there's the grammar. Hoboy. That's a real mess. The mistakes on their own aren't particularly jarring, but together they're pretty bad. I strongly recommend finding yourself an editor.
That said, the concept is pretty decent, and I feel like you've progressed the concept fairly well. Though I'm not convinced by this whole "nightmare" thing. That seems a bit too contrived.
5237618 I see. Well, I tried my best to create a situation where Rarity wouldn't have time to deal with Sunset. I hoped that setting her up to be overworked would answer as to why she didn't notice. I guess I could've done a better job with that part.
Thanks for the honest feedback at least. I hope that you'll at least stick around till the end.
5237658
See, I think that could have worked, but you also set Rarity up as one who was determined to help Sunset get back on her feet. So that conflicted with you trying to have Rarity so overworked that she overlooked what was going on. In essence, you were trying to do two things at once and both ended up failing as a result.
5235490
I just noticed this. This is like the third or fourth time Fimfiction has failed to notify me of a comment reply on a story. How rude
Sure, Humanville might be a real place, but it sounds pretty miserable. I should mention that I'm also not the biggest fan of the name Ponyville, but at least that rolls off the tongue nicely.
5237686 I see what you mean. Although, in my defense, Rarity has been shown to actually do that in the show. I would say that, for Rarity to be trying so hard to make the show a success to help Sunset, but in turn fail to see Sunset's plight, would be fully in character for her.
5237758
I believe you're referring to Green Isn't Your Color, correct? I see your point, but the situation is entirely different. In that episode, Rarity was so engrossed she didn't see her friend's plight. That I can definitely see for human Rarity. However, this situation is substantially different. In this case, she's overlooking all of the contestants dropping because of Sunset. I can see her overlooking the troubles of a friend who's trying to hide those troubles, but I can't see her overlooking so many contestants being openly upset.
As for Humanville, as much as I don't like it, it's fine so long as you never refer to it again. I guess.
5237819
Anyhow, I was also referring to Sweet and Elite, in that Rarity also has a tendency to get her priorities mixed up when popularity and fashion are involved. But in the end I see exactly what you mean. In this particular situation Rarity should have been able to put the pieces together.
5237864
Ah, fair enough, then.
5237869 Indeed. But seriously, thanks for the feedback. I'll use what you've pointed out to help improve the story from here on in. Promise.
5237896
Heh, no problem. So long as you improve (and get an editor! A good one!), I'm happy.
5237960 Will do~ Also If I could ask a favor could you give me some feedback on this story here (No Game, No Life) cuz besides this one, it's the only story of mine, that I believe, has a chance at being featured. You don't have to if you don't want to though.
5237989
I'm gonna have to pass on that one. It doesn't look like a story that would at all interest me.
5238013 That's cool. I take it you're not a gamer?
5238072
I am. I have no interest in Gamer Luna, though.
So, i haven't read the last two chapters yet because of time constraints, but I do want to add that I saw the unread chapters sitting in my Favorites box and said out loud:
"I wonder when I'm gonna get around to eating this."
And I just knew I had to comment about it.
5326777 lol wow, 'eat?' Is my story that delicious?
5327358 10/10 Would eat again.
Bouncer would be more appropriate than bodyguard. Bodyguards usually stick with the person they're guarding whereas bouncers specifically keep people out (or throw them out) of places where they aren't wanted. Security guard would also be marginally more acceptable but less appropriate to the situation.
See above.
OK. I like this story, but why the BUCK did you put TRIXIE with RARITY?!
5679461 I was RIGHT! It is them!
Typo: Lilly instead of Lily...
Where in this story did I hear about non-Sunset Nightmares? Where?! I've been looking through the last few chapters... and no Nightmare...?