Nonpariel
Spike stopped at a nearby pond and sat down near the water. He scooped up a handful of pebbles and started skipping them across the pond. An all too familiar unicorn trotted near him and he turned his head away.
“Just leave me alone right now, Twilight.” Spike requested, “I need some time to think.”
“I’m not Twilight.” Evil Twilight corrected, “At least, not the one you’re familiar with.”
“You!” Spike scolded, “You’re the one who kissed me! Why did you do that?!”
“Don’t look so angry.” Evil Twilight said, “You know you enjoyed it.”
“That still doesn’t give you the right...” Spike replied, turning his head and blushing.
“You know, there’s a Spike where I come from, too.” Evil Twilight said, “He helps me make cupcakes.”
“Cupcakes? Like baking?” Spike asked, “I thought that was more Pinkie’s thing.”
“We make a very special kind of cupcake.” Evil Twilight said, “Wanna try one?”
Evil Twilight retrieved a spare blue cupcake from her satchel and handed it to Spike. Spike started to take a bite of it but then eyed it suspiciously.
“What all did you put in this cupcake?” he inquired, “Why do you want me to try it?”
“Why Spike?” Evil Twilight taunted, “Whatever do you mean?”
“How do I know you didn’t put some kind of magic potion in here?” Spike asked.
“Just eat it and you’ll find out.” Evil Twilight said.
Evil Twilight pushed the cupcake into Spike’s mouth with such force that he had no choice but to eat it or suffocate.
“That’s right, chew and swallow.” Evil Twilight commanded, “Like a good baby dragon
Spike coughed and sputtered as he almost choked on the bits of cake being lodged down his throat. He did his best to swallow them carefully until he finally finished, ending in a loud burp which spewed green fire in Evil Twilight’s general direction.
The evil unicorn clone yelped a bit as her mane caught on fire and she stamped it out with her hoof. Spike suddenly felt very happy, an unnatural euphoria filled his mind as he sat down on the grass and a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes filled his mind. He drifted in and out of consciousness before he landed on his back and foam dripped out of his mouth.
“What’s happening...to me?” Spike tried to say, “What have....you done?”
“Just a little confection you helped me whip up back home.” Evil Twilight explained, “And now you’re going to help me again. If you don’t, something bad might happen to the Twilight that you know, and also...Rarity.”
Spike gasped as he heard the name. He tried to stand up, but his body refused to move.
“You’ll be out like that for a good twenty minutes or so.” Evil Twilight lectured, “Yes, I know about your little crush on Rarity. I know about all of your friends here. They’re your friends where I come from, too. Or at least, they used to be. If you refuse to help me bake, then I’ll tell Rarity you’ve been stalking her and ruin whatever chance you thought you had with her. If you keep refusing, I might have to take more drastic measures.”
Evil Twilight threateningly moved her hoof across her neck as Spike tried to speak.
“I won’t let you...hurt my friends...” he moaned.
“Do you know who I am, Spike?” Evil Twilight said, “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to right now? Back where I come from, if I stop baking, an economy the size of Canterlot goes down the drain. Somepony opens her door late at night and gets bucked, and you think that of me? I am the one who bucks!”
“Twilight...will stop you...” Spike threatened.
“Stop me? She invited me.” Evil Twilight observed, “Spike, we need to bake.”
***
Back at the Mirror Pool, the clones continued to materialize. A unicorn with frazzled, unkempt fur, large leathery bat wings, two sharp fangs dripping with drool, and blood red eyes stepped out of the water. Vampony Twilight had arrived. She hissed at the cavern’s echo and then flapped her wings. With a large gust of wind, she took to the skies in search of fresh pony blood.
A slightly less malevolent Twilight followed after her. This version was an alicorn, complete with golden horseshoes and tiara.
“This must be Everfree Forest.” Princess Twilight realized, “Oh-no! That means I’m just a Mirror Pool clone! But why would the mirror pool conjure an alicorn? Somepony must have thrown a dragon scale in the water. It distorts the pool’s cloning properties. I’d better fly over to Canterlot and warn the other princesses!”
Princess Twilight also took to the air like her predecessor, but in a more gracious manner and in a different direction.
Finally, the pool sputtered out its last iteration for the time being. This Twilight was a lanky humanoid teenager with odd, goofy clothes and matching lavender skin. Let’s just call her Equestria Girls Twilight, EG Twilight for short.
“So this is the other Equestria.” EG Twilight observed, “The one in which everybody actually resembles a horse. But why did I go through the mirror pool instead of the other conveniently placed enchanted mirror? And more importantly, why didn’t I already exist when pony Twilight walked through the mirror and instantly took my form, and had to reintroduce herself to everyone in my world?”
EG Twilight scratched her hair, befuddled by her own logic. She then wondered how she was ever going to make it out of the cavern since she didn’t have wings. She then remembered since she was taller than most other actual ponies and shaped like a Monster High doll, she could simply stretch her arms and climb up to ground level. So she did.
***
A short distance away from Ponyville, on the opposite side of Everfree, three ponies plus one dragon held a secret meeting under a portable circus tent. Evil Twilight, along with an incapacitated Spike, stood across a table from two tall yellow ponies wearing vaudeville-style hats and vests. One of them had a pretty decent moustache. They were Flim and Flam, the two least successful con artists in Equestria.
“So what’s this all about, sister?” Flim (Is he the one with the moustache? I can’t tell them apart.) asked.
Evil Twilight grabbed her satchel with her teeth and dumped the contents onto the table, a fresh batch of blue cupcakes.
“Why, these are just cupcakes.” Flam commented, “And they don’t look like very good cupcakes either.”
“Why don’t you try one?” Evil Twilight said slyly.
“Are these blueberry cupcakes?” Flim questioned, “I hate blueberry.”
Flam picked up a cupcake and reluctantly took a bite of it.
“Not bad, I guess.” he critiqued between bites.
As soon as Flam swallowed, an array of blurry colors filled his eyes, he lost his balance, fell on his side, and started foaming at the mouth.
“Poison!” Flam shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at Evil Twilight, “You just poisoned my brother!”
“That’s not poison...” Evil Twilight corrected, “Those are concentrated Blue Bonnet flowers ground into that cupcake. Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it.”
“The pretty colors...” Flam said in a daze, “I see everything...like tears in rain...”
“Does it always make you speak in non-sequiter like that?” Flim asked.
“Most of the time.” Evil Twilight replied, “Now do you still have that cider machine?”
“You mean the Super Cider Squeezy-?” Flim said.
“Yes, that!” Evil Twilight interrupted, “I want to see the machine.”
“It’s around back.” Flim replied, “Follow me.”
“Spike, be a dear and stay with Flam.” Evil Twilight instructed, “We don’t want him dying on us, do we?”
“Yes...Twilight...” Spike said mindlessly, his pupils replaced by red spirals.
“So that Blue Bonnet of yours causes mind control?” Flim asked as he left the tent.
“It only leaves you open to the power of suggestion.” Evil Twilight said, following Flim.
The two ponies stopped at the large, unwieldy contraption on wagon wheels, full of gears, springs, piping, and a 500 gallon sized cider tank.
“All you have to do is place the cupcakes in with the apples.” Evil Twilight explained, “Then whammo-zammo, instantly addictive blue cider!”
“I’ll try it sister, but leave the whammo-zammo to me.” Flim advised.
The vaudeville snake oil salesman did as he was told, dumping in cupcakes along with the apples. After the machine heated up, sputtered, whirred, knocked, bonked, and kerbabbled, Flim grabbed his wooden mug and placed it under the release spout. Out poured a freshly made pint of blue cider.
“I’m not drinking this.” Flim said, “We need to find an unsuspecting customer. Hey you there!”
Flim pointed to a certain grey pegasus with a yellow mane and derped eyes, who conveniently shows up in the background, and who we all know is Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo.
“Hey you there, Derpy!” Flim called out, “Yes, you! I know your name! You show up in the background all the time! Care to try a free glass of homemade blueberry cider?”
“Homemade?” Derpy questioned, “But I just saw it come out of that machine.”
“Well, this machine is our home, so to speak.” Flim explained, “We’re traveling salesponies nonpareil. So naturally, this cider is homemade.”
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try a glass.” Derpy said, taking the mug from Flim.
The grey pegasus drank the concoction down in a few gulps and suddenly felt a spring in her step, a bounce in her body, and a realignment of her eyes.
“I can see straight! I can see straight!” Derpy exclaimed, “I’m not flying sideways anymore!”
Derpy flapped her wings and took to the skies, flying less sideways than ever before.
“That was unexpected.” Evil Twilight commented, “Usually they just fall on their sides and start foaming.”
“I guess we just might be able to sell this junk after all.” Flim concluded, “Care to join me in a musical number?”
“Would I ever!” Evil Twilight exclaimed.
Flim threw Evil Twilight a hat and cane out of nowhere and then produced his own cane. The two then began tap dancing in unison as the cider machine sputtered behind them, forming the tempo.
Well now, we’re gonna drug this town and pass the cider all around!
I’m Flim! And I’m an evil clone of Twilight!
Traveling drug dealers nonpareil!
.................
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and
Oh dear, again.
Breaking Bad reference.
4628035 Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
4628112 Heisenberg is best pony.
I can't stop laughing
Then you should add an Alternate Universe Tag.
Seems overseeing, I'll read it when I get the chance.
4628286
She's not called Evil Twilight for nothing.
So Evil Twilight's selling Breaking Bad cupcakes?
4628257
troll.me/images/victory-baby/done.jpg
4628320 Yeah, they're supposed to be a stand-in for meth.
4628322
4628182 Indeed
This Fan fiction...
though I have not read it all..
IS COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.
It's really has a lot of potential!
4659408 Thanks! I'm glad you like it!