Well that's a given, but now that you said that I now have to try and predict what will happen with them.
Through out the story(until close to the end of the tournament)the two will bicker between themselves and then duel. Also assuming that you put the God cards in the story, Celestia will have Ra, Luna will have Obelisk, and Bruce will end up getting Slifer(even though I think Bruce should get Obelisk since he is the most human looking of the Gods).
Them dueling is also a given, but this prediction was mostly for when Luna had enough of Trollestia's trolling.
As much as I love this series, I do have to call out a few flaws. There are so many things wrong with the game as its been described. Im not trying to troll, I want you to better yourself and your story. Just a few to mention, there is no "Out of Play area" It should be the Field Card Zone. Cards can't be played in face down attack position. SIlver Spoon could have attacked right when Summoned Skull was summoned. And unless it was then considered Bruce's turn, he couldnt have played Change of Heart.
459732 Glad that you love it. From what I've seen on the "very" old pamphlets on yu gi oh that I have there is an out of play zone or something like that. But checking online, there is no out of play zone so my fault again. You definitely are correct about the face down attack position thing. My fault. As for Silver Spoon attacking right away, the spell card she used was soul exchange. Here is the description of that card. Select 1 monster your opponent controls. This turn you can Tribute that monster as if you controlled it. You cannot conduct your Battle Phase the turn you activate this card. I should have been more specific with that. Lastly, she said "I can't attack so I end my turn." If you didn't get that, that means I need to work on my transitions. Anyway thanks pointing out those things. I'll attempt to make it more accurate in the next chapter, or just go with it in the story line. Besides, the rules were all explained from Bruce. He could have forgotten a few things.
Yea, if you could explain some of the effects (cant conduct battle phase) that would definatelly help out. And yes, i could definatelly see Bruce and Trollestia leaving out few rules.....
First is the worst~ 1) Okay, grammar. Once again I don't know much about editing, but I can see it plain out. I don't mean to be too brash, but it would really be helpful to get an editor. If you find a very nice once who is willing to go over such a large story, and can take the genre you're writing, by all means; go AHEAD. Seriously. (Hint, Hint! Bronymaster, who started the Author's Support group, is an amazing editor) 2) One thing that your story heavily lacks is concentration. Sometimes this story seems to go all over the place, and does so too simply. If you could just take time, (Example: When all the ponies leave near the beginning, the walk in the woods with Spike and the main charecter, etc) it would be clearer. These too-fast transitions make the story a little bit jumbled up, like the reader can't find a way to connect.
Second is the best~ 1) I've never heard of Yu-Gi-Oh in Equestria before! I've heard of humans and a bunch of stuff, but I like that show/card game as well. It's always good to see creative people that can really portray such unique ideas. 2) You could be a comedian. Despite the loose structuring, this story still gets through its charming comedic element. If thats what you were leaning towards, it was captured very nicely. I actually LOL'd, and it seems like you have some loyal trackers that agree. Hehe.
So the rating? .5 2.5/5 Scoots! I feel really bad. I wouldve given you 3, if it wasn't for the lack of description. You could've earned one more for grammar, so be sure to look into that editor idea! It's very hard to earn 5 Scoots in the sense that your story must be superb. XD
471593 I don't edit my stories at all. However, I have noticed in order to become a better writer I will need to edit and be more descriptive etc. The main focus for the story *spoiler* would be the events that occur in the Dueling Grounds. I'll try to stay "on task" writing wise I suppose and follow the general storyline I have. (I have an odd writing style sorry.) Nonetheless, thank you for that review.
471650 I'm always willing to review a story, so you're very welcome! And I'm very thankful that you were so polite, *brohoof*, a few writers don't take critics too well. I've been trying to avoid that. Anywho, everyone had their own style of writing! That being said, there's no reason for you to be criticized on how your mind functions. If you're against an editor, I can completely understand. But if it's up for grabs, just chew on the thought a little longer.
I read and was amused... That is untill the game actally started. The "start with six cards" fault I could have seen by. But facedown attack position? W T F. It kinda makes me wanna slap you and remind you of the rules. This game was awesome (and is still.) but to me rules and regulation are very important in a game. Its true some of the game's rules are odd or just don't make any sense at all. Its like they say in yu-gi-oh abridge: This game is so complicated not even the strongest supercomputer in the world cant figure it out.(not true but still hillarous) But I will not tolerate when the most basic rules are ignored and broken. God day sir.>>
can i ask will you atleast use the toon deck that makes me laugh
453322
Don't worry. Pegasus will be referenced.
As a pegasus.
.....Bitch got served.
453349
U asked for it to happen.
453334 i say in the next duel he should pull out red eye black dragon because that card its one of my favs
453357 Yes. Yes I did.
453367
Well then, Joey wheeler reference it is.
453410 YAY THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED
"Earth Pony/Dragon/Bruce Willis/Luna is dumb pony with no friends Circuit"
Luna is going to be trolled through all of this isn't she?
453438
Well, yes and no. But you have been right about a lot of things in the story.
Celestia and Luna do have very important roles later on.
453446
Well that's a given, but now that you said that I now have to try and predict what will happen with them.
Through out the story(until close to the end of the tournament)the two will bicker between themselves and then duel. Also assuming that you put the God cards in the story, Celestia will have Ra, Luna will have Obelisk, and Bruce will end up getting Slifer(even though I think Bruce should get Obelisk since he is the most human looking of the Gods).
Them dueling is also a given, but this prediction was mostly for when Luna had enough of Trollestia's trolling.
453553
Thats a pretty good idea.
But its wrong. Dueling occurs, but oh I don't want to spoil it. and I won't. You'll have to wait....
453619
Fine... I'm a patient person, I can wait.
Rainbow Dash has to have Rainbow Dragon.
And who going to get the elmental hero deck? They are called the elements.
454194
Well, as I mentioned earlier, most of the cards are pre yu gi oh GX.
As much as I love this series, I do have to call out a few flaws. There are so many things wrong with the game as its been described. Im not trying to troll, I want you to better yourself and your story.
Just a few to mention, there is no "Out of Play area" It should be the Field Card Zone.
Cards can't be played in face down attack position.
SIlver Spoon could have attacked right when Summoned Skull was summoned.
And unless it was then considered Bruce's turn, he couldnt have played Change of Heart.
459732
Glad that you love it.
From what I've seen on the "very" old pamphlets on yu gi oh that I have there is an out of play zone or something like that. But checking online, there is no out of play zone so my fault again.
You definitely are correct about the face down attack position thing. My fault.
As for Silver Spoon attacking right away, the spell card she used was soul exchange. Here is the description of that card. Select 1 monster your opponent controls. This turn you can Tribute that monster as if you controlled it. You cannot conduct your Battle Phase the turn you activate this card.
I should have been more specific with that.
Lastly, she said "I can't attack so I end my turn." If you didn't get that, that means I need to work on my transitions.
Anyway thanks pointing out those things. I'll attempt to make it more accurate in the next chapter, or just go with it in the story line. Besides, the rules were all explained from Bruce. He could have forgotten a few things.
Yea, if you could explain some of the effects (cant conduct battle phase) that would definatelly help out.
And yes, i could definatelly see Bruce and Trollestia leaving out few rules.....
good job
better grammar then me, from what most people say
Review Time!!!
Not sure if I want.
First is the worst~
1) Okay, grammar. Once again I don't know much about editing, but I can see it plain out. I don't mean to be too brash, but it would really be helpful to get an editor. If you find a very nice once who is willing to go over such a large story, and can take the genre you're writing, by all means; go AHEAD. Seriously. (Hint, Hint! Bronymaster, who started the Author's Support group, is an amazing editor)
2) One thing that your story heavily lacks is concentration. Sometimes this story seems to go all over the place, and does so too simply. If you could just take time, (Example: When all the ponies leave near the beginning, the walk in the woods with Spike and the main charecter, etc) it would be clearer. These too-fast transitions make the story a little bit jumbled up, like the reader can't find a way to connect.
Second is the best~
1) I've never heard of Yu-Gi-Oh in Equestria before! I've heard of humans and a bunch of stuff, but I like that show/card game as well. It's always good to see creative people that can really portray such unique ideas.
2) You could be a comedian. Despite the loose structuring, this story still gets through its charming comedic element. If thats what you were leaning towards, it was captured very nicely. I actually LOL'd, and it seems like you have some loyal trackers that agree. Hehe.
So the rating?
.5
2.5/5 Scoots!
I feel really bad. I wouldve given you 3, if it wasn't for the lack of description. You could've earned one more for grammar, so be sure to look into that editor idea! It's very hard to earn 5 Scoots in the sense that your story must be superb. XD
GiddyOnUp
471593
I don't edit my stories at all.
However, I have noticed in order to become a better writer I will need to edit and be more descriptive etc. The main focus for the story *spoiler* would be the events that occur in the Dueling Grounds. I'll try to stay "on task" writing wise I suppose and follow the general storyline I have. (I have an odd writing style sorry.)
Nonetheless, thank you for that review.
471650 I'm always willing to review a story, so you're very welcome! And I'm very thankful that you were so polite, *brohoof*, a few writers don't take critics too well. I've been trying to avoid that. Anywho, everyone had their own style of writing! That being said, there's no reason for you to be criticized on how your mind functions. If you're against an editor, I can completely understand. But if it's up for grabs, just chew on the thought a little longer.
I played Yu-Gi-Oh for years and I know that the Gemini Elf has an attack 1900 and a defense of 900
The card you must have been thinking of was likely Mystical Elf (800 attack and 2000 defense)
still a good story though
give pinkie all the blue eyes
I read and was amused... That is untill the game actally started. The "start with six cards" fault I could have seen by. But facedown attack position? W T F. It kinda makes me wanna slap you and remind you of the rules. This game was awesome (and is still.) but to me rules and regulation are very important in a game. Its true some of the game's rules are odd or just don't make any sense at all. Its like they say in yu-gi-oh abridge: This game is so complicated not even the strongest supercomputer in the world cant figure it out.(not true but still hillarous) But I will not tolerate when the most basic rules are ignored and broken. God day sir.>>