• Published 9th Apr 2012
  • 2,302 Views, 31 Comments

A Tail of Woods The Careless Creature - ForestOfSpring

Woods has everything going for him, until he gets sent into equestia by a crazy old man.

  • ...


Rainbow is laying slumped on the grass... right.

Waiting for shit to hit the fan...

"What did you do?!"

And there it is.

"Tell me NOW! What kind of magic did you use on my friend?!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Nothing?! How do you explain her fainting when she looked at you?!"

"Like I'd know, your crazy friend here has more answers than I do, I did nothing!"

"Oh please! You're obviously lying!"

"If I'm guilty of anything, it's standing here and breathing. That's it."

"So you used your breath to knock her out?"

"Now that's just insulting..."

"Oh like I care! You knocked out my friend!"

"For the umpteenth time! She fainted on her own! Look, humans can't use magic, see? I did absolutely nothing other than save her from a garden insect that's probably been fed too much rat poison."

"So... You saved her? It was you?!"


"You're the one that saved her and Scootaloo from the Chinotaur! Oh my stars she came to the library yesterday and gushed over this 'awesome' creature that help the air of a god. She simply HASN'T shut up about you darling".

I just stood there dumbly for a second 'Right, so this chick thought I was awesome yesterday when I saved her, fair enough but I was expecting at least some caution or skeptism from her, this is just unnerving. Rarity was eyeing me cautiously whilst making her way over to her fallen friend. I didn't blame her, I mean how would you act if a strange creature arrived Nd your friend just dropped like a sack of shit? I would freak out. The next bit was uncalled for...


An orange blur flew past me, knocking my arm, spinning me round and dislocating mr right shoulder. Great, to be fair, I did sign up for this weird business when I set foot into town, I might as well deal with it.

I span to face my attacker and found another pony of all things! Aren't they meant to be cute and cuddly? She was bright orange like the sky on a clear day's dawn, long streaks of sunlight golden hair were swept over one shoulder and tied in a red band at the end. The rest was hidden under some dirty old cowboy hat. The branding on her flank showed three apples, I usually don't take any notice of those marks to be honest, if someone had a hobby or a passion I'd rather they talk to me about it, it's better than leaving nothing to the imagination.

Well this one looked PISSED. She was scraping her front hooves off of the dirt, the way a bull does just before it charges. She looked rather pretty for a pony, the freckles gave her a slight look of innocence, as if she has spent her whole life just being honest to a point of secluded work. She really needed to get out more.

"You. Get out of ere' and never come back!" she hissed at me, malice strewn her eyes like mud on an emerald to precious, it scared me that something so innocent, so clean, so HONEST... could show so much hate. It frightened me, but I stood straight, grabbing my bad arm towards the top of the bicep and heaving it upwards with a sickening 'pop'. I guess I was wrong by doing that as both her and Rarity flinched, yeah I know it's disgusting. However, the orange one lowered her head, looking even angrier than before, so I decided it was time to open my mouth.

"I plan on leaving, as soon as your friend wakes up so I know she's ok". Short and simple so she knows I'm not in the mood for this. "Hah! Yeh, like ah'm gonna believe that some weird lookin monkey that's pants are caked in blood wanted to call mah friend here to have idle conversation? They don't call me the element of honesty fer nothin bub!" fair played to be honest, I mean my shorts either need to be cleaned or condemned.

"Look, I already explained that to Rarity, your friend was in danger yesterday so I helped her out, I'm here to see if she got out of the forest ok, and believe me, if I wanted to hurt you all I would have done so by now!"

Not convinced.

She charged me, spinning on the ground and coming to a halt before me. In the space of a fraction of a second she was there, rear legs bent, poised to flash out. The problem with this kind of attack is that she can't strike with her rear legs before she gets a sure footing with her front, so until she's planted firmly, she can't strike or she'll topple over completely. I took the opportunity, held my breath and slid back as her rear legs extended, moving with them in a fluid motion and stopping just at the end of her reach. I finished by grabbing both of her rear legs and standing there, leaving her entire form stretched out from her front hooves to my waist.

She looked quite surprised by this but I didn't dwell on it, she tugged firmly on her back legs, causing herself to fall flat on her muzzle and help in surprise. As from before, I wasn't taking any chances with that buck, she caught me with her head and that dislocated my shoulder, the muscles on those legs screamed power and I wasn't about to take a bite from them any day soon.

She glared at me from her heap on the floor, getting up and positioning herself for another charge... that is before Rainbow stepped in. "What do ya think yer doing RD? Get out of the way so ah can pummel this chimp to the next season." she was focused on her friend now, eyes locked open in surprise while flicking to me every now and then to check on what I was doing. "I've already explained to you why I'm here you over-grown satsuma. I'm here to check on this one".

"SATSUMA?! NOW yer gonna get it!"


We all turned to look at Rainbow Dash, who was standing firm between me and the orange cowmare, legs visibly shaking but not enough to be immediately noticeable. I could tell, she really didn't like this situation and I was as much to blame as the fruit mix on legs was.

"AJ, why are you doing this?"

"Cause that BEAST was attackin' ya."

"I was standing still you talking fruit salad."

"You shut yer cake hole before ah fill it with mah hoof."

"Both of you be quiet!"

"RD, this thing was tryin to kill yer!"

"No he wasn't, he saved me AND he came to see if I was OK after he stood I between me an a Chinotaur!"

AJ looked white taken aback from this, Chinotaurs must be a ponie's natural predator.

A smug grin would be my normal offering but I think that would be kind of dangerous right now. I understood AJ's concern for her friend, if it was slightly irrational. I walked up to where Rainbow stood and put my hand on her head. That took them both by surprise as Rainbow whipped her head up to me, staring... just staring. AJ on the other hand, I could her the teeth grinding from over here, tough break to be honest but it's not like I don't blame her.

I had my options:

One: try and gain everyone's trust by being a nice and tolerant character, braving all their attempts to stick it to me or shoo me off. The down side to that would be an internal conflict with this town. Ponies will take sides, arguments will start, friendships will definitely break and that's not what I want.

Two: I can leave.

Simple, effective and no miniature wars sprout up wherever I go. Down side is that if I leave straight away, Rainbow is gonna blame AJ, which will yield the same ending as option one, except the only ones on my side are Twilight, Spike, Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

Which leads me to option Three and I REALLY REALLY don't wanna do this...

Making Rainbow hate me...

Dramatic eh? Well tough shit, it wouldn't work anyway. I mean I've already mentioned that four other ponies know that I'm not capable of being mean without good reason. They'll figure it out and eventually tell Rainbow and guess what she'll do? Blame it on everybody else and start becoming obsessed, maybe even leaving her life here to find me... What? I'm not bragging, the fact that she fainted with a huge smile on her face when she saw me, gushed to all her friends about me and is standing there defending me can only mean that I'm right there in her high books. She sure has the personality for adventure, taking inspirations and working towards those inspirations to better herself. Throw in a dash of selflessness and protectiveness and you have the typical story book hero. I saw that she was about to take a dive for the little one in the forest, she doesn't deserve the trouble that comes with me.

I'd better be careful.


"How do you know my name?"

"Seriously? Your marshmallow friend over there screamed it so loud I'm gonna be hearing for a month." Apparently Rarity didn't like that name. Hehehe. "Rainbow, AJ had every right to take a swing at me. If you saw a weird creature caked in blood staring at one of your unconscious friends, what would you do? Think about it seriously."

She frowned for a moment before relaxing, hanging her head and shuffling a random stone along the dirt with her hoof.

"That's what I thought. Rainbow I only came here to check on you. I'll be doing a few things in town then setting off on my own. I hope you'll understand that I need to get home."
I might as well just tell her, none of the blame can go an AJ if I wanted to leave already.

"Fine! Then I'll take you home!". That's right... wait what?!

"NO! You can't, you have friends and a job here, not to mention all the ponies that look up to someone like you!" please oh please...

"It's not like I'm gonna be gone a while! Just point to where you wanna go and I'll get you there in ten seconds flat!"

"It's not that simple..."

"And why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Load of horse apples ."



"Because it's not WHERE I'm gonna go, it's HOW I'm gonna get there. It's gonna take a while because where I need to be has it's own pane of existence, another world if you will."

Well done me. She slumped, defeated, which was pretty weird to be honest, I thought she would put up more of a fight judging by her personality. AJ snorted and resumed her upright stance. She seemed slightly... racist to me. Maybe that's the general order of this place, anything new or different is regarded with distaste or distrust. I would understand if it wasn't completely irrational! It seems like all they want is clockwork lives, doing the same thing, day in and day out so if anything new and huge comes up they all scatter like rabbits in a field. AJ wasn't important right now, all I had to do was get back to the library, talk with Twilight, draw up some sketches for Rarity, (I am a man of my word, maybe I can draw some things like kimono's or some modern winter get-ups) grab some supplies and be on my way.

Top priority is talking to Twilight. She's a librarian, a damned diligent one at that, so if anyone will came a clue on how I got here or how to get back, it will be her.

"Come on Skittles, I need to be back at the library soon, they're gonna be wondering where I am." she raised one eyebrow at me.


"A joke from my world."

"O-Kay... I guess..."

"Ah'm comin with yer! Ah wanna make sure you don' try anythin funny with mah friends." fair enough.

"Fair enough." despite all the abuse I just took from her, I quite liked the blonde cowpony. She seemed to be another alteration of Rainbow Dash, a hint of arrogance but a different kind to Rainbow's arrogance. No wonder they were friends, and I guessed they got into a few quifs of their own.

"Hold on Darlings, wait for me." oh yeah, Rarity just got out of her dumb staring to see us walking away.

We walked back to Ponyville, the same screams, clatter of hooves on dirt followed by silence. I would be offended, but right now I couldn't care less. Rainbow was firing off questions at me like a tank, leaving me little time to answer before she was off asking other questions that popped into her over-sized skull. Each one I answered simply 'I'll tell you once we get to the library'. Please dear lord let us get there soon, I can't take the strain of this interrogation. Applejack just glared at me from behind, I could feel her gaze like a red hot poker drilling it's way into the back of my head. She can glare all she wants, if she has any questions other than 'who taught me how to fight' then be my guest, how bad can it be?

"So... Thing... What do yer eat normally?"


Well no point in lying "Pretty much anything to be honest, from fruit and berries to whale phlegm and bat spit, our kind. Have been known to eat quite a lot of things including insects." I'm gonna have to say it sooner or later...

"So none of yer kind eat any... meat?"

The bitch...

"Yes, we do eat some meat."

We'll slap my tits and call me candy they all stopped dead, each of their coat's colour drained (apart from Rarity's but I think I saw her mane go a bit pale) and they started backing off. " We don't eat ponies you know, it's regarded as a taboo where I'm from and plus I wouldn't eat any of you anyway, that would be murder on my case." yeah fuck you too Applecrap.

"Why should ah believe yer." she did but she just didn't want to lose face. Yeah... biggot.

"I think you already do, I told you before that I would have hurt you already if I wanted to, we don't eat sentient creature, that's called murder. The only meat I eat right now is fish as all other meat on this world is either poisonous or able to talk. Both of which are on my no list. Can we get on another subject please? We've established that, other than fish, I have the same diet as you, only I can't eat hay, grass or flowers."

"Makes sense." Thank you Rarity! At least she isn't above listening to reason.

"Meat eaters are usually scarce round these parts, we don' take our chances ere." She really doesn't like me does she?

"Well what about bears and griffins? Aren't they omnivores? They're allowed here."

"Bears are kept near the edge of town and griffins aren't served here, this is a pony village, not a birdhouse."

"What about Gilda?"


"My friend Gilda, she was a griffin."

"And look how she turned out."

That shook me a little bit "But that's just ONE griffin. Just because one of them was bad doesn't mean they all are."

"Yer naive to be thinkin that." ...what?

"I'm not the naive one here..." she was about to say something, probably an insult directed at me, but Rarity cut her off.

"That is enough you two, how about we just get back to the library do we can sort things out in a proper manner? Woods, you still owe me sketches of your world's attire so I suggest you keep a clear head till we get there." yes mom

"Yes mom." boy I'm funny.

We continued walking in silence till the library (resisting the urge to call it tree, wait... If Twilight lives in a tree... does that make her a squirrel?) came into view. Other ponies had decided to come out since there was t much commotion, although they were either the brave or stupid ones. One particular grey mare shot dangerously past me. Must have been a regular thing since Rainbow merely rolled her eyes. We eventually reached the door but instead of knocking, Rainbow merely kicked the door open and prance in happily, addressing the occupants "This place just got twenty percent cooler!"

Only, there was someone in there who was not fazed at all...

"Princess Celestia?!" they all gasped in unison. Each pony present bowed their beds in display of respect while I stood there dumbly. She was at least as tall as me (discounting the horn) with presteened white wings. The mark on her flank was of a golden sun, plain and simple like the very sun in the sky. Zecora told me that this world had goddesses that could raise the sun and the moon. Looks to me that this is the highest power this world has to offer, not surprised considering the aura she was emitting. It was like standing in the infernal heat of the sun, I was frightened that the library would catch fire. She looked upon me briefly with interest which was quickly overshadowed by mild disgust, perhaps even a hint of sadness? I couldn't tell properly, looks like thousands of years in royalty has taught her how to pull off the ultimate poker face. Two words came to my mind as I watched the internal swirl of mysterious emotions...

Challenge. Accepted.

""Greetings strange one. I am told by my student here that you have gotten yourself aquatinted with my little ponies. I trust you have not caused any harm to come to them?"

"No your majesty, all of your subjects I have encountered are here and unharmed. I have no intention of causing any kind of bloodshed to your subjects for as long as I am in your land." Well, she was intrigued but she seemed just as distrustful as the majority of her subjects. She pressed on.

"You say that but I recall seeing you in combat with Applejack. Do you deny this?"

This was an interrogation, a harsh one at that. She wanted to put me on the spot not only to strain any potential lies but to judge my character and nature. The only thing I can do now is gain her favor. With her being a goddess of this world, I figured that she would know something about that old man who I met before coming here. If I could get in her good books then I could get the information I need and be one step closer to home. All I had to do was keep my cool.

"No princess, I do not deny that we were engaged in a brief conflict but I can assure you that I had no hostile intentions towards her. I'm sure that if you saw our conflict then you saw me briefly disable Applejack from causing me harm then backing off. Though do not judge, she was not at fault for assaulting me."

"And why do you think that?"

"The situation played out would make her actions understandable."

"What kind of situation would that entail?"

"A misunderstanding."


I took a deep breath before I continued. "I had saved two of your subject from a Chinotaur attack the previous day. Granted they had run off before I could take them to safety I opted to check on their current status to make sure they were out of the forest safe and sound. Upon seeing Rainbow here, she appeared to be overcome with an unknown emotion, though I think it was a positive one judging by her smile, and she fainted." Rainbow's cheeks flushed beet red at this. Spike chuckled quietly in the corner, earning him a stern look from Twilight.

"Applejack spotted us near Rainbow's place of residence, having judged the situation from the unconscious mare on the ground, a strange creature with blood and dirt stained clothing and another mare who appeared to be in shock. She mistook me for dangerous and attacked me to defend her friend from what she thought was a threat, ergo, a simple misunderstanding."

The princess seemed to ponder this for a moment, flashing me, AJ and Rainbow Dash looks. " We're there any witnesses?"

"Yes, Lady Rarity was present the entire time."

"Is what he claimed true miss Rarity?"

"Yes your majesty, it was a simple misunderstanding."

"Very well."

The tension of the room softened but didn't leave. The princess wasn't here for idle chit chat and she certainly wasn't here just because a little scuffle happened just outside of one of her precious towns. She had other business, but gave me a brief pause before continuing the conversation.

"You say you are from a different world and were sent here, can you explain please? Who were you sent here by?" I wasn't out of the shark infested kiddie pool yet. If she wanted answers I wanted some in return... but that could wait.

"I am from a world known as Earth. My species are similar to mine but with our the extra feature I possess which is my tail."

"Your kind don't have tails?"


"Explain to me why you are different."

"I do not know princess. It was with me from the moment I woke up in this world just over a month ago. It was a nuisance at first but I can come to grow fond of this new addition."

"I see. So tell me more about before you were sent here."

"The only thing that I can recall that was unusual before me being sent here was that I was approached by an old man, asking me strange questions about leaving my home."

"Can you describe this man?"

"He was clothed in a dark brown coat. He had an uneven canine jutting out one side of his mouth, grey hear and a grey goatee. The sleeves on his jacket were uneven, one side was brown and fluffy while the other was tight wit and yellow."

"Was his behaviour unusual?"

"He was asking me lots of questions about leaving my home for free, going on an adventure and seeing a whole new world. What was weird was that he was talking about glorious chaos that would come with my arrival and how he'd just love to see how I fared on my adventure."

"CHAOS?!" The princesses voice became that equal to a roar as she abruptly stood up, glaring at me with malice. I think if I hadn't had gotten used to this place already a little bit of wee might have came out at that point. The rest of the room was deathly silent.

"Are you saying that Discord sent you here?"

"Discord your highness?"

"The spirit of chaos and disharmony. Your description fits him perfectly. If that is the case then I can only say that you may not be able to return home."

So much for not losing my cool...

"WHAT?! What the HELL do you mean?!" I was stood now, hands balled into fists, rage burned me so deep my soul was crying in pain yet I did not yield, I was too overcome be grief to notice until all my energy was suddenly sapped and I fell to one knee.

"I can't... Go home? I c-can't, s-s-see my... f-f-family?" tears were welling up as I knelt there. The princesses look had changed from interest to that of minor pity, still overshadowed by disgust.

"If he sent you here then I do not have the power to send you back. He escaped confinement over a month ago but was quickly contained. We cannot release him in fear that he would rise again. I'm sorry but you cannot return home."

"What then? I'm just supposed to lay down and die?"

"You are Discord's creation." She said in a manner of factly way.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he sent you here for a reason, to cause chaos and disharmony. It looks like he sensed your desire to return to your family and used it as a fail-safe in case he was imprisoned again. Your intentions to get back to your family would free him and he would frolic in chaos again."

"So I was a pawn of him? I can't go back until he's free again?"

The princess scowled and her voice lowered "He will NOT be freed again."

I thought long and hard about it. Discord was the only one who had the power to send me back home, and he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Maybe if he had the knowledge of my world then he shared it with someone? That could work! Maybe I'm not the only one he sent here! All I have to do is seek out rend ants of his work in here then I could piece together a way to get back home. It was a long shot but it's the only option I had.

"Of course not your majesty."

Her eyes widened for a second "Excuse me?"

"He can't be released if he has caused this world so much trouble, but I may ask princess, what will become of my fate since I am no longer bound to Discord?"

"If that is the case then you may stay in this land provided you follow our laws and rules. If you cause no trouble in my land then no trouble will come to you."

"I am truly grateful your majesty."

"So what will you do now you have no home?"

"Travel. This is an entirely new world and there is much to see."

"Very well, I wish you well on your journey. I'm sure my student here will be of assistance to you until you depart. That is all I have to say, I must be off back to Canterlot to help with the proceedings on the raid patrol. I wish you all well my little ponies." and with a flash of light, she was gone, leaving me and the others in a stunned silence for a time.

"Well Woods, I'm truly sorry for how things have turned out for you, perhaps fate will be kinder on your journey, Equestria has a lot to offer you know! I'll fetch you some supplies from the market and you can spend the night in the spare bed, I only hope it's big enough." Twilight had a smile on her face but I could see flashes of pity behind her magenta eyes. It wasn't a bad pity though, she truly wanted to help me, offering services to a complete stranger on the account of a bad turn of events. In reality I couldn't be more grateful.

"Thanks Twilight, if it makes any difference, while I'm here, I can give you some information about my world. I've got info on the human anatomy, Earth's flora and fauna, fictional tales, information about my home town and the typical stereotypes that my race prese-"

"Woods, I think you'd better shut up now..." Rainbow's voice was laced with concern and a nibble of frustration. It wasn't until I have looked up that I noticed Twilight's face. Her eyes had become large with the pupils spanning almost all the way to the lid, obscuring most of the white behind the iris. Her mouth was open in a slight gaping smile of amazement with a string of drool hanging from the corner. The gleam in her eyes was entrancing... and for some reason this was the scariest thing I had seen for a good while.

She started slowly towards me, her grin stretched to an impossible width as she licked her lips in anticipation. The others seemed to be rooted to the spot, reluctant to interfere with what Twilight was going to to to me.

Right, fuck it, I'm running " AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I turned on my heel and kicked off in the direction of the stairs, shooting straight past the group, landing my feet on the bottom step and heaving myself up the stairs at high speed. I must have pushed too hard as I was heading straight for the ceiling of the first floor so I quickly tilted, ran my feet off the opposing wall to keep my momentum and sped on down the hallway upside down.

I came to a slow at the first turn, letting myself drop I spotted a cupboard so I quickly ran inside and shut the doors behind me, pushing myself to the back behind the assortment of dresses and costumes. I waited, listening for the giveaway of clopping hooves and rapid panting. She quickly passed me by, heading for the upstairs balcony so I let out a sigh of relief. Of course I'm an unlucky shit, I heard panting behind me... noooooo it can't be can it?

I turned slightly to sky blue eyes "I LOVE hide and seek."

SLAM! I shot off into the opposite wall, throwing the cupboard doors open and slamming into the hallway. It didn't take long for me to recover and I found myself running again but down the stairs to the main section. I was almost at the door, everyone's eyes following me with amusement and silent shock. But it was not to be, a purple aura wrapped round me and hefted me off the wooden flooring, legs still swinging wildly for the floor.

I found myself being moved to face Twilight, still the same crazed grin as before but some of her sanity had found its way back, thank the stars or I'd be raped with a serverely ravished book.

"You're going... To tell me... EVERYTHING." Twilight was speaking to me in what I like to call the 'Rapey Dave' voice. I swear I almost cried pussy tears then. The rest of the group were chuckling to themselves, save Rarity who was shaking her head at the same time. There were two new additions to the group, an insanely pink puffy haired pony with the biggest peado grin I've even seen, and a small golden-furred pegasus with a ross coloured mane and tail, the mane obscuring most of her face in a vain attempt to hide herself from me.

I sighed in defeat, nodding to Twilight I was taken towards the stairs. Just before I reached them I spotted Rarity winking at me from across the room before departing out of the front door, probably to make me some new clothes. Is it rude to strip in front of ponies? Couldn't hurt.

Actually fuck that, I have my dignity! Or what's left of it... Twilight butt-fucked the rest when she abducted me in her own home.

"I appreciate the affection but you're gonna have to buy me dinner first love." She looked up at me, complete shock washed over her face, followed by intense consideration, then a half-lidded seductive gaze...


"Oh I'm just going to sample a few things from you, I hope you don't mind, it's not often I come across a specimen as... toned as you are."

"Oh believe me love, there's better out there, besides, my popsicle isn't known for it's quantity."

"Oh nonono, this is a performance exam, and I'll be your examiner for the night."

Right that's it.


Funny bitch...

"hardy har har, you've had your fun purple prankster, now please put me down so we can get to busine- NOT THAT KIND OF BUSINESS!" a purple aura had enveloped my shorts and was slowly, VERY slowly, sliding them down. That tore it and finally Twilight dropped me while she rolled over in a fit of giggles, tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks. It was all banter, then it hit home. Twilight was actually comfortable with this? Not four hours ago she had slammed the door in my face and cowered in fear from my presence. This mare had grown to accept me as one of her friends, someone who she was able to openly mock and play with, despite having just met them earlier that day.

And she was helping me on my journey.

"Errr Woods? Are you... crying? Are you okay?"

I was crying? I was. Manly fucking tears.

"I'm fine Twilight, I'm fine, I'm just happy. Now, should we head back downstairs so I can get properly aquatinted with everyone before we turn in for the night, plus I still need to draw up those sketches for Rarity. You've all been so kind to me since I got here, I have no words to describe how grateful I am.

She smiled warmly at me, letting me go so I dropped softly onto my feet. We both set off downstairs to the group, contented smiles on our faces for we had both made one of the most beautiful things I had found since I got here...

A friend.