• Published 9th Apr 2012
  • 2,303 Views, 31 Comments

A Tail of Woods The Careless Creature - ForestOfSpring



Woods has everything going for him, until he gets sent into equestia by a crazy old man.

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Hello's

Hahaha, oh shit I'm not high, these houses are actually multicoloured and the bake- HOLY FUCK IT'S A GIANT GINGERBREAD HOUSE!... Yes fucking please. Wait... Not sure if delicious or trolling.

Anyway, me and Zecora walked (in her case pranced) up to dirt pathway that separated the colourful structures. They resembled old Victorian cottages with hay rooftops, albeit painfully bright painted walls. The sad thing was that despite the candy-coloured mess that was the buildings, it still seemed somewhat... dirty. Flowers laced the outskirts like sprinkles on a rainbow donut...

I'm making myself hungry, AND GETTING DISTRACTED. Anyway, we actually made it to the first structure before audible gasps were heard all around, followed by the frantic stomping of hooves and then silence. Brilliant, and I didn't get to see one freakin pony. "I assumed these ponies learned their lesson, to set aside their first impression". I could sense a little irritation in her voice but I brushed it off, I mean at least those two from before weren't afraid of me... I think. Even Zecora regarded me with caution when we first met but that was brief, and it wasn't downright fear that these ponies were showing.

I asked Zecora if she could help me find the two from yesterday, gaining a quick smile from her and a sudden change in direction. "For where they live I do not know, something a librarian can truly show". Librarian? I'm sure I've heard of the librarian... Twilight? Oh yeah! She's friends with everybody around here, she'll know where they live.

We arrived at a... tree? "Zecora, when you said library you did mean a place where books are stored? This tree hasn't been turned into a book yet". She merely smirked and pressed onwards. I was about to throw my hands in the air and sulk back to the forest when I spotted a door at the base of the tree. Aaaaaah, wait so the library is inside? My head hurts...

Zecora rapped on the door a couple of times and stood patiently while voices and the tapping of hooves on a varnished surface drew nearer to the door. It eventually opened to reveal a lavender coloured mare, smiling politely which brightened further at the sight of Zecora. "Hi Zecora! It's funny you came by, Rainbow wanted to ask y-y-y-".

You guessed it, she finally spotted me.

She slammed the door...

How rude! Fair enough I'm weird, tall and covered in blood but if I opened a door to my friend and saw a huge scary monster behind them, I wouldn't slam the door on my friend and leave them with it! So what did I do? I kicked that funky tree-door into the daft excuse for a hobbit house and marched straight up to the bitch with an EXTREMELY annoyed expression. "I understand I frighten you, and I understand that I may look rather intimidating considering I haven't had a good wash in a long time but believe me when I say I am shocked and EXTREMELY disappointed in you ms Twilight!"

The look of fear on her face briefly turned into a look of shock then pure shame as I continued: "I cannot believe for the life of me that you would shut out your friend in the face of a potentially dangerous creature, not that I myself am dangerous but what if I was? Hmmm? Shame on you!" by this time she was on the verge of tears, hanging her head and pawing at the ground like a school girl being scolded. I think she learned her lesson so I'll surprise her even more. "Now, I want you to think about your actions and write a letter to your mentor about what you've learned. I'm sure she won't appreciate them but at least you'll have acknowledged your wrongdoings".

That got her, relief flashed on her features and she shot up some stairs to a desk beside a bed, (presumably hers) levitating a scroll, quill and ink before scribbling madly away, mouthing the words as she wrote. I think it was five minutes before she descended the stairs to me and the Z, poor girl looked glum, trotting up to us with heavy steps and sullen features. "I'm truly sorry. How I acted was completely inexcusable, to Zecora and to you, I should have learned my lesson the first time around with Zecora and I ended up upsetting and offending both of you, even if you did look a bit scary".

I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help a chuckle, I could smell the blood in my hair so I wasn't bothered by her comment, oh idea! "Twilight? I forgive you but do you have a shower or bath I could use? I fear that if I spend another hour like this I'll cry like a little filly". Hey she giggled at that, score.

She lead me up the stairs to a smooth light oak door with a picture of a ship on it... figures. Motioning me to go in with a flick of her hoof, I opened the door to a completely white, clean bathroom, equipped with a sink basin and taps, no shower weirdly enough.

"I think you're going to have to use the bath, don't worry I'll clean it later". Bullshit, you wouldn't touch this amount of blood if it was layered on a cake. I figured I'd clean it later so I walked in (squatted, these doors are like four feet tall while I myself am just over six foot tall) shut the door and stripped.

I was settling down, just about to step in when something caught me eye, a glint? Eye shine. "Twilight, I'd appreciate it if you didn't spy on me during my private time. It's rather embarrassing". Next thing you know the door slams shut followed by the scamper of frantic hooves down the stairs.

I chuckled and slid into the pint-sized bath, allowing the heat and clean aroma to wash away the harsh smells that clung to me.

It was a whole hour before I deemed myself clean enough to exit the bath , wrap myself in a towel and hear back downstairs to where Zecora and Twilight sat, discussing recent happenings and magical spells or remedies.

When I entered two things happened: A, an alabaster unicorn with a styled purple mane zipped up to me, and B, all conversation help at that moment was halted immediately.

"Is it true?! Your kind wear clothes ALL THE TIME?! PLEASE let it be true!" safe to say this one scared me. Despite her brash actions she held a clean, sophisticated air around her, speaking in a snobbish but motherly tone, you know the one. The tone that the rich kid's mum uses when she's tucking him up in bed.

I smiled sheepishly "It's a pleasure to meet you too." I'm such a prat aren't I?

She blushed intensely before backing away and turning her head in slight embarrassment "My name is Woods and yes, where I'm from it's regarded as a taboo to wanted around in public without a sufficient amount of clothes."

Oh boy...

"oh my STARS! That is truly fabulous darling! Truly wonderful! Such a world I should see, the fashion, the variety, oh such a world is meant for me. Your kind must have a great range of fashions if you are constantly draped! You MUST give me a few of your culture's designs for formal attire, if you do I assure you I will try my best to outfit you with a stunning sample from moi, free of charge! Don't argue darling, I won't take no for an answer!" she was away, making long and extravagant hoof gestures in a dramatic show before stopping suddenly and staring at me expectingly.

What could I do? Free clothes! "I would be delighted to lady ... erm, pardon me for I seem to have missed your name."

Her eyes widened for a second "Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Rarity, I run the Carousel Boutique just down the road to here, I am the lead fashion designer in this side of Equestria if I do say so myself". Fair enough, I smiled in response.

"Thank you lady Rarity and I would be delighted to show you some of the fashions we sport in our world, I can even draw some sketches for you if you prefer. However, I'm afraid I need to find two particular mares before I do any business with you. You see they were in a little spot of trouble yesterday and I wanted to check on their current status to clear any worries that I have now".

She nodded in response "Ah yes, Zecora mentioned that you needed to see a certain Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo? I happen to know where Rainbow Dash lives and as for Scootaloo, you can ask my little sister Sweetie Belle about where she is right now". She knows the blue one? That makes things slightly easier, plus she also has a lead on the smaller one. "Could you please take me to miss Rainbow Dash's house? If it's no bother to you lady Rarity". My tail curled slightly, it does that when I'm feeling a little restless or strained, right now I was struggling to keep the formal tone. "Oh of course darling, I shall take you there right away! Well... After you grab a little clothing first". She smirked while I immediately turned round back to the bathroom to collect my shorts, they would do until I got some cleaner, less trashed clothes from Rarity. I left the shirt to save time, heading back down to the group to find another guest in the form of a small reptile.

He took one look at me, shrugged then turned back to Rarity.

The bugger was oogling her from across the room, barely taking any notice of me at all! Better than screaming or running in my opinion, but he seemed chill so I thought I'd engage him. " Yo, my name's Woods, what's yours?" he turned to me with slightly more interest than before " Spike, Twilight's number one assistant and Ponyville's only dragon. You look kinda weird bro, no offence but from what Rainbow was talkin about I expected you to look... I don't know... scarier." I snorted, this guy was cool, reminded me of myself in many ways. "Sorry bud it's just me, I know what you mean bro but you're the first who hasn't ran away screaming like a little filly, it's kinda refreshing". I smiled while Spike donned a smirk. "Ah don't worry about it bro, you're actually rather cool, it was nice meetin ya!".

I snuck a quick brofist before Rarity nudged me out the door with her horn before magically closing it behind us. We strolled down the empty streets of Ponyville. The townsfolk still hadn't came out from their barricades so I assumed that being with one of them doesn't mean that I'll be trusted. Meh, screw them, I have a pegasus to check on.

Rarity talked non-stop about her adventures with her five close friends, and of course how her hair was in an apocalyptic state after most (assume the eye roll) of them. Can't say it was a terrible experience but I wouldn't call it stimulating. Eventually we reached a clearing with no house in sight, to fuck with me even more she stopped and looked back at me expectantly.

I'd had enough by now "So does she live underground?" Her smile widened as she looked up to a cloud that hung above us. Nothing out of the normal he- DUCK FUCKING BUISCITS IS THAT A RAINBOW RIVER?!

I gotta admit that this Rainbow Dash girl has a good idea for home design, even if it is made out of water vapour. All of a sudden, Rarity raised her voice to a shout "Rainbow Dash! A certain someone wanted to pop by and see how you were doing!" The base of the cloud moved slightly, like what a rug looks like when a rat crawls underneath it. A speck of colour peeked over the side, hanging there for a second before darting off the side, escaping my view completely.

"Guess she didn't want to see me eith-"

BOOM!

Before me stood the same Pegasus I saw yesterday, feathers preened and hair combed in a sleek pattern across her sky-coloured frame. Her hair was styles in a care-free streak over one side and around her neck, small tufts jutting out presumably from flying at high speeds. She was staring straight at me, head rolling slowly up and down, sizing me up and scanning my features. The weird thing was she didn't look scared despite what she had seen me do.

Far from it actually.

She looked at me, a smile forming slightly then rising into her cheeks, still going, stretching into her ears. Her eyes were so huge by now I thought they could pop at any second.

I raised my hand in an open gesture and smirked meekly "Hi" I waved.

Her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell sideways unconscious.

... Great