Apple Jack was bucking apples from one of the many trees of the East orchard and the sweat on her forehead started getting intense "Boy howdy today has been a loooong day." She says as she uses a hoof to wipe her brow, only succeeding in spreading the sweat over the top of her head rather than removing it, before picking up a basket of apples on her back and hauling it to the rest of the apples she had previously bucked. Moving to her big brother, who was holding a mug of fresh apple cider in his hoof, she greeted him with "Howdy Big Mac, ya got the north orchard right?"
"Eyup." Is all the big red stallion said as he took a sip of his cider. Right before going wide eyed and sputtering, spitting the cider out through his mouth and nose, at the sight of something in the distance."ENOPE!!" He dropped his mug to the hard ground with a clatter as its contents sprayed the dry dirt and rushed inside.
"What in the-." She looked to the direction that her sibling was before he fled only to see a tall, metal... being with cloth hanging from its chest staring at her farm in a odd position, standing on its back legs with long, strange appendages. "W-WHAT IN TARNATION?!?" The orange mare jumped back, a movement created from her shock and surprise, and rushed towards Ponyville. Or, more specifically, the library; in hopes of getting assistance to deal with... whatever the bloody hell that was.
"Okay,now ple- GAH." Twilight was cut off by a certain panicked mare bucking down the door, startling, no; frightening the lavender unicorn within along with Spike. The two were just about to practice a new spell that involved some rocks and a orange transforming into clothes for Spike but some ponies just don't get the importance of a fabulous tux and an absolutely spiffing stovepipe hat... Some ponies...
"APPLE JACK WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST BARGING IN HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF DELICATE MAGICAL EXPERIMENTATION?!?!" Twilight yelled out, a little miffed about the unexpected interruption as her concentration faltered and the spell imploded on the tip of her horn. She panted heavily and gathered up the dropped papers in her magic and Spike who was in a daze from the small rock which had... Forcefully returned to it's place atop his head after the spell was canceled out. "Is it an emergency, at least?" Twilight slowly asked after a few deep breaths, a simple but effective way of calming herself as to avoid another 'Want It Need It' incident.
Apple Jack panted for a few moments before putting a hoof to her chest, mumbling and trying to collect her words. "M-meta- crea-... Oh, I'ma little outta' breath..." She shook her head and gathered herself before speaking. "I-i-its a monster from the E-everfree forest, i-it was starin' at mah farm." This news caught Twilight's attention as her mouth slowly made an 'O' shape.
"A monster? From the Everfree? And it was staring at your farm?" She blinked and started levitating books around, wrapping them in her purple nimbus of magic and circling them about herself, skimming titles at the speed of sound. It was also mixed in wit a lot of 'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 'How Babies are- NO, Dear Celestia no, no, what is that doing in the nature section? No, no and no and no and no and more no... Spike, why is a 'How to Play the Harmonica' hand book in the science secti- never mind." She looked to Applejack, "What did it look like Applejack?"
Applejack start thinking, trying to recall it all. "Well... it was metal... and it had a blue fancy, schmancy chest thingy... an' it looked really tall."
Twilight flipped through her books, deep in thought. "I...don't have anything matching that description in my books, and made of metal? I've never heard of such a thing... Except ancient steel golems used by the Old Minotaur Imperium..."
"WELL THAT'S WHAT AH SAW!!!" Apple Jack shouted , catching the attention of her rainbow maned friend outside.
"Hey, whats going on in here? I heard AJ shoutin' about something." Rainbow dash peeked her head in from the door, a rather amusing look of confusion plastered to her face. Great timing, too.
Apple Jack snapped her attention to the pony in the doorway. "A-ah saw a monster coming from the Everfree; ah wanna know if its gonna try ta' hurt us..." Rainbow dash chuckled after hearing Applejack say that. "An' what're ya'll findin' so funny, Rainbow?" AJ frowned, concerned about how Rainbow Dash could be so dismissive of the current situation..
Rainbow dash hovered a few seconds before lowering herself to the WOODEN FLOOR of the library, tucking her wings to her sides and landing in front of The other three in the room. "Your afraid of a monster? HA! well I can see if its dangerous, I'll just fly over and see what it does. Be back in 10 seconds fl-." Applejack cut her off by stuffing a good bit of a hoof between her jaws.
"We don't need that meme starting up on the internet again." Apple Jack glares at you. "And we don't ya'll startin' it up either."
"Oh fine, I'll just go see what the thing is and be right back." Rainbow deadpanned. Right before shooting out of the library, fast enough to leave a classic Pinkie Pie style dust cloud that was perfect model of the cyan pegasus.
As Rainbow dash soared over Applejack's farm at a lazy speed of only eighty kilometers an hour. Only.. She saw a figure just on the path to the forest, convenient. "Gotcha." Just as Rainbow swooped down, in hopes of getting a closer look, she failed to notice the rather sharp projectile of steel tipped wood coming straight for her until it pierced her right wing, tearing the muscle, severing tendons and splintering bone with a sickening crack and crunch with a spray of blood being thrown from the wound and into the sea of trees below.
"AAAAGGHHH!!!" Her flying quickly spiraled out of control. Transforming from a graceful dance of high speeds and high wind to a horrifying crash, flinging dirt and dust from the large skip mark which had been the result of her wild decent. As she slammed into the floor, blood flowing out of her now broken and bloodied and bent and twisted and mangled wing as she shakily lifted her blurred gaze to the tall metal beast towering over her like a Reaper composed entirely of metal, ready to strike her down with its piercing eyes. "GAAAHHH! G-GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!"
I'm guessing that you go to American school? Grammar is as pitiful as American education system and it reeks of laziness. If you do not know how to spell certain words such as brought, than maybe you should just take a step back and think before you submit :/
4546108 yes i go to a american school, and they don't teach English for shit their,and im american,and their are some words i can spell perfectly and others that i check with the red line thing,if it doesn't show up,i'll assume its fine,it didn't show up with that word so blame auto correct
4546125 My friend, when you assume you make an ass out of yourself. Don't rely on auto correct :/ Read a book, buy a dictionary or pay attention in class. In Austrian classes, we would have whipped you into shape :)
4546132 i actually sort of HAVE to rely on auto correct because when i write these things im often doing 4 other things all at the same time
4546146 My friend, all I am saying is that assuming something will only lead to trouble. Don't assume :) Be 100% sure of what you type.
I can tell you right now, I have tried to help authors in featured box clean up mistakes and they are very rude about it. Don't be those authors :)
4546150 well as much as i would love to clean up my mistakes i have very little time,i got up at 4 AM to write this and trust me it is hard to focus,and i have no proof readers,i used to but she left,so theirs a nip in my ass,and while i would like to thank you for your help,i honestly do not notice the mistakes myself,i myself am 100% sure but others tell me other wise even though i don't notice anything and im a bit busy trying to continue the story,all be it while under very poor conditions due to my fucked up sleep schedual
4546160 thanks im looking forward to writting it
4546167
Haha! Good one! Good one, my friend :)
XD Fav'd
4546176
I'm dead serious.
4546180 Because you made a poor joke about an american being educated. My friend, there are jokes and there is being ridiculous :/
4546178 hehe thanks im glad someone is enjoying my story
4546181
Can we not argue? Do you want me to call the admins again? What you're saying has nothing to do with the story, and we shouldn't start a fight again.
4546187 Fine >:/ but you better watch your back, my friend
4546191
Thank you.
4546207 look at the amount of fucks i give: none :3 sorry,i gave all my fucks away to shit that actually matters,unlike your trolling
4546191 Please for once shut the fuck up. You're not giving any criticism to this author, you're just insulting him. All because he's an American that don't mean he's not well educated or go to a well educated school you racist son of bitch. I'm an American and I'm fucking well known around here because I write readable stories.
Stop saying my friend at the end of every fucking sentence, my friend. Now the author I do suggest you get an editor or proofreader to fix those mistakes because I could see errors in the title and that will make your story look bad.
Well, I'll be fair: The story has potential. However, there is one glaring problem: the grammar. Okay, I know, you got up at 4:00 A.M. to write this, so I can understand the grammar errors, but at least get some rest, come back, and then proofread it? I get it, you're not good at English either, as you said in one of your comments. Even so, don't always rely on autocorrect, try to get a friend to help you or something! Hell, try to get a proofreader! The grammar kills the story so horrifically that it's like a public execution!
I don't mean to sound like a dick, the idea is fun, and the little reference AJ made was funny, but I can't overlook the grammar. Good grammar helps a story flow, like blood in the body. Here, it's almost like it's being flooded out the body through a massive gash or is just so congealed it can't move.
Again, has potential, but needs proofreading badly.
4546243 ooooh thank celestia for you,you amazing pearson
4546248 thank you,this comment would have left a better first impression because this,the comment you left right now its called constructive criticism which i love reading because it gives me tips on how to improve my things,so thanks i'll try taking this advice to heart
4546243
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/059/7/2/gigan_1972__megalon_motivator_by_crvemaster-d5v66ay.jpg
4546258
No problem, comrade.
4546269 and i actually do have a friend who is willing to proof read,i just haven't asked him since hes busy with his brother coming home after 2 years so after his party tomorrow the chapters will most likely come around mid day and (hopefully if he knows what hes doing) have allot better grammer
4546279
I hope so, too. Because if he is, this story is honestly going to shine rather brightly.
4546284 thats good to hear because i have honestly never had a story that people liked ^_^ other than my other story but that has the same problem as this one (and im also at a writers stump so i started this) i'll try to get other proof readers to double check if i can
4546295
I know that feel very well.
4546321 welcome to the internet,where shit does not make sense and logic is everyone's whimpering bitch,here is your logic,do as you wish
4546181 I'm American and well-educated.
Capitalize i. It should be I.
4546471 huh,I thought I did
media.moddb.com/images/groups/1/5/4739/Pies_You_Say.gif
What the fuck is this bullshit?
4546328
4546738 No one needs your opinion Nazi Bitch!
4546801 Oh hey, you. Still retarded as ever, I see. How have you been?
4546806 I'm doing good and thanks for asking, but thats not the point!
4546815 Then what is the point? Do you just like coming in and randomly calling me a Nazi?
4546826 Maybe.
4546738 psssssttt...no one gives a shit about your opinion .3.
So many comments that have nothing to do with the story.....
4546948 it is honestly pretty irratating for me since im getting spammed too many comments that are not about the story
4546958 I can only imagine.... Since I'm here, I might as well give you some advice! Basically, the people in the comments are right. It does seem as if you need an editor, since bad grammar and punctuation will turn people off. Luckily, it seems as if you are someone who is willing to accept constructive criticism! Therefor, I strongly advise you to try to appoint an editor. Besides that, I personally find your story and your characters interesting! This story has great potential!
4546975 and as i said to someone else i do have a plan for someone to edit the story :3 hes a close and trusted friend but it may take a bit longer for the chapters to come out,and im glad people like the story and characters (or more accurately character since so far theirs only sparky who you all don't know and lord gwyn is the final boss so yea) im trying to make this as interesting as possible
4547001 Awesome! Keep it up!
4547014 thank you
4546801