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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i.imgur.com/HSEtz.jpg?1
Just a little comment.
When you were talking about Dash attacking Ajax, you said she put her fists in front of her face.
It should be hooves
Other than that good work. Definitely tracking this.
ANTHRO jk
I like what I see so far.
faving it
Another warhammer 40k fic i am a major 40k fan i hope you continue this i amd likeing and tracking btw is the halo skulls your own chapter?
Damn! Nice work, I know a small bit of the Space Marines. But I got to say this sounds great. Looking forward to future chapters. And I like that the pony universe are anthros, makes more sense.
That was pretty friggin awesome.
Keep going, this has caught my interest.
Anthro? Ah, I was wondering about the hands. I like anthro as much as I like quadruped.
Never really knew much about Space marines comparatively, but I think your version makes 'em more... human.
Here's hoping Dashie gets out alright. Well written, enjoyed the pace, couldn't see grammatical mistakes so as with all good stories; faved.
never was a warhammer fan that stuff costed to much but ill give this story a read
wow im supprised at how good that was well i once again cant wait for the next chapter
424050 Indeedo, Halo Skulls are founded from the Ultramarines.
423794 Anthro characters, hands work better in this universe.
425245
Ewww, anthro.
I'll never understand why people make them anthro, kind of ruins the story. I read for the ponies.
I started reading, the beginning was good, but then I looked at the comments and saw ANTHRO.
Why?
Edit: F*ck it, I'm reading anyways!
Tracked
I have no idea what everyone's problem is with anthro. They're still the same characters, same setting, same everything except for the fact that they walk upright and have hands. Hands are so much better, anyway.
*pause*
Throne! What's wrong with you people?! Are you all just misanthropic or something? Can't take a little wibbly-wobbly digits? You must all be strapped on tight to the furry-hater bandwagon. I really cannot conceive of a justifiable reason for this immature prejudice.
Also, the story is good, albeit completely lacking any proofreading and editing. Spelling mistakes, capitalization errors, and grammatical botches abound. Your vocabulary is excellent, though. You've captured a significant amount of the 40K feel, along with the MLP vibe mixed in. I'll read the rest and track this.
Wow. This is a blast from the past. Pre-read this a couple of months ago on /fic/ and ran into it here entirely by chance.
(Yeah, I bitched about the anthro even then. Kinda odd to get lumped onto the "furry-hate" wagon for it, though. Is the only true furry the furry with hands?)
Reading...
giving a slither of life to the stale, dusty air around him.
Sliver.
‘And that’s why no one ask you,’
Asked.
He closed in n the ground with great speed,
On.
“Dayim. Is it just me, or does that sound like a........,” Applejack gulped down her worry, “......a name?”
Damn? Also, only three "." in one place are necessary. More than three are overkill.
all say for Valanthyr
save
Human delivered quick, hard hitting blows
Hard-hitting.
“You are a fool, like the rest of your hubris race!
Hubristic. Hubris is a noun. Also consider "arrogant."
“And you will know such thing right now,”
Not exactly sure what you meant to say here. Such a thing?
I'll withhold a more general review until I've finished what you have.
Okaaay, firstly are they humans or ponies? Because ponies can't see up to a manticore's waist and they definitely don't have hands. And humans don't have wings or hooves.
Also, you might want to hire an editor. If I was allergic to grammatical errors I would have died reading this.
Other than that it was pretty good, a bit rushed if you ask me but meh.
Hai there! Great story :)
One of the dumbest things in 40K that helps greatly with maintaining the status quo of the Imperium's crap-sackery is that Astartes are often used to quell rebellions. This actually happens a lot in canon. I'm sure everyone can see why this is an incredibly stupid waste of resources. Imagine if the High Lords stopped requesting Astartes aid be sent to quell rebellions. Often times, they say that a world is a risk of being lost, Astartes go, see that it's something minor that an entire company was wasted on, and crush the rebellion simply because they happen to be there and their honor will not allow them to turn a blind eye to it.
Yeah, they need to start ignoring the High Lords and set up their own network of eyes and ears. In fact, the Adeptus Astartes should just start relying on the Emperor's Tarot like the Silver Skulls and the Legion of the Damned do to determine where they are needed. It works perfectly for them and no chapter that relies on the Tarot has ever lost a battle. A record that no other chapters can boast. I think that should speak for itself...
Yep, that sounds exactly like it is in canon.
Up your butt and around the corner!
Nice start so far. can't wait to see what you've done to the story.
Damn what a start to a story
Aren't deathdrinkers from D&D not 40k?
I really hate nitpicking, but the black carapace just plain doesn't work that way.
8893377
I know, I changed it just for alt-universe reasons. I get how the original black carapace works, but it didn't fit with the space marines I was trying to portray, I felt like all the surgical enhancements could be a grim subject to come up in the story and I would rather just have something more akin to a biomechanical augment that's grown within the body.