Rainbow Dash's POV
I looked around and studied my work. Clouds cleared over Ponyville? Check. Start an 'accidental' shower over Sweet Apple Acres as a favor to AJ? Check. Get rid of the rogue thunderstorm coming from Everfree Forest? Check. Most of the other pegasi aren't even awake yet and I already finished my job for the day, I thought happily to myself, now for a nap!
On my way to my favorite resting spot, I saw everypony getting ready to start the day. Derpy was out delivering mail, a blue changeling was flying towards Ponyville, Pinkie was hauling a... wait, A BLUE CHANGELING IS FLYING TOWARDS PONYVILLE! As soon as I made this realization, a worst-case scenario flashed through my mind. It must be here to capture Twilight!
Without any hesitation, I shot towards him and tackled him to the ground in a shower of... papers? One of the papers landed on top of the now cowering changeling and I looked at it curiously
____________________________________Flip Switch______________________________________
As most ponies would agree, Queen Chrysalis's attack on Canterlot, being your first contact with our race, has likely left a horrible first impression of changelings as a whole. To rectify this situation, we at the Veliidae Hive have set up a business specializing in altering the form and appearance of ponies to match the way they see themselves. Prices are as follows:
Cosmetic changes (mane, coat, etc.)- 4 bits
Structural changes (physique, height, etc.)-10 bits
Subspecies changes (Earth Pony, Pegasus, Alicorn*, Unicorn)-20 bits
Gender changes** (male, female, herm, etc.)-40 bits
Species changes (griffon, changeling***, dragon****)-80 bits
*A better aproximation is 'winged unicorn' since they aren't as powerful as alicorns
**If you change gender, be prepared for everything that goes with it (notably estrus)
***To avoid abuse of this form, you can only change into forms that you have bought
****More like a draconic pony of approximately alicorn height
Note that you are not permitted to mimic other ponies and that you may switch between bought forms for free.
Below that were directions to the building where the supposed business was located. I should check this place out to make sure they're not planning anything, I thought to myself before a sarcastic little voice at the back of my head added, Yeah, that's the reason. Not at all because that paper says that I could try being a griffon.
Seeing my sudden interest in the flier, the changeling switched from frightened to business-like almost instantly. "Would you like to take a copy to help you get there?" he asked.
"What makes you think I would want to go somewhere like that?" I snarked.
"The fact that curiosity tastes like grapes to us and you've got enough to start a vinyard?" He replied with a smirk.
Damnit. "Fine, give me one. I might check it out after my nap"
Later
____________________________________________________________________________________________
I CAN'T SLEEP! For anypony else, this wouldn't have been a very big deal. For me, however, it was (to quote Rarity) the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING! It wasn't for lack of trying, either. It's just that, whenever I got close to sleep, that damned flyer pops into my head. On the one hoof, I thought after the twentieth time, it could just be some big trap or something. On the other hoof, I've wanted to be a griffon ever since I first became friends with Gilda.
Eventually, I decided that I would go and, if I wasn't ambushed, pay for the transformation. I should also send a letter to Twilight just in case they do catch me. That way, she'll know what happened if I don't come back or if I get replaced. With that decided, I finally managed to get some rest.
Later Still
____________________________________________________________________________________________
This place wasn't what I expected at all. Sure, it looked like a bug's nest from the outside, but it was as fancy and upscale as the Carousel Boutique on the inside.
"Welcome to Flip Switch, miss." called a tall, and admittedly handsome, orange-maned changeling. "My name is Zephyr. What can I do for you today?"
"I want to know why you think you'd want to start something this close to to the home of the Element Bearers."
"The who? Wait, aren't they the ones who uncovered Chryssie's plan and kicked the flanks of half of her army? That would be great! Ponies won't be as nervous about us if they know that somepony's keeping an eye on us!"
Well, that was not the reaction I was expecting, I thought. Then, more begrudgingly, nor is it the reaction of somepony that's guilty of something.
"By the way, is that grapes that I taste?"
Celestia Damnit, stop doing that! "Yeah," I sighed. "I was wondering if I could try being a griffon." I looked away as I hoofed over the 80 bits.
"Excellent choice! Let's get started, shall we?" Without waiting for a response, Zephyr's horn lit up and I was enveloped in orange fire. I didn't hurt, though. In fact, it felt kind of... nice. Almost like the massage I got at the spa with Rarity that one time when Fluttershy was out of town visiting her parents. Even when I felt my bones and muscles shifting, it wasn't painful.
Then, it was over. I walked over to a mirror and I almost passed out in shock. Staring back at me was a cyan griffon with rainbow-colored tail and crest feathers! It was incredible!
"Is everything satisfactory?" Zephyr asked once I had finished gawking at myself.
"YES! I mean *ahem* it seems fine, but I won't know until I fly."
"Of course. By the way, if you are not satisfied, you get one cosmetic change free."
As I left the building, the only thing running through my mind was, let's see what I can do.
This has some potential for some serious yocks.
That said, I really hate those bald "So-and-So's POV" statements: if I can't figure it out in the first paragraph -- well, you get the idea. Still, that's not enough to get you a downthumb.
This sounds like a delightful premise! As well as a possibly violent one! I can't wait to see how it turns out. That being said I'd like to suggest that you cut out the colored text, it can be hard on the eyes and has a bit of a jarring transition from black text. Unless of course that has some significant bearing later on in the story. Also I agree with Dusty Sage about the "So-and-So's POV" statements, it could easily turn off quite a few readers so try experimenting with other styles, Third person omniscient is rather popular, but unless you're going to restructure this story keep with the POV statements here.
Keep up the good work!
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The colored text was there to differentiate between voice types. When I introduce Fluttershy, she was going to have grey text to represent her quieter nature. However, if people don't like it, I will relegate it to just Zephyr's text, as it is already pre-established. I have no intention of making this a violent story, but I did include gender changes to leave open the possibility of explicit content, though I may not go in that direction with it depending on the character that is gender-swapped. As for the POV's, they are there for those who might need them. I know I do, sometimes.
Great, except changing species is a little over the top unless it was an illusion. The colors I can get, though... >:3
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That is why it's a skill exclusive to the Veliidae Hive
Nice.
interesting Premise....
x2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/I+_f63f498f2d7fa4748a9828ca8f47ab39.jpg
Wow thats very interesting concept but way way to fast paced.
This seems like an interesting premise. This chapter seems a little too short though. BTW, I want to give you a little advice about something. DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT write a chapter about Spike turning himself into a pony to ask Rarity out! I know some people like that concept but it's overdone and unoriginal by now! How about instead you do something like dragon Rarity! There's barely any of those written on this site! If you want to be a good writer, you gotta be original. This concept here is original, but don't put something as cliche as pony Spike in it.
Still, this seems like an interesting concept. With the way you wrote how Flip Switch can do subspecies, gender, and species changes, this could give birth to a whole new slew of stories! (Especially clop!) What I'm saying is this could possibly become as mainstream as Conversion Bureau! (If written well)
This could honestly be a really awesome story. And spinoff setup, if written correctly. The pacing is too fast, and the colored text is okay. And the POV statements, need to be gone. You can do the first person view if you want, but if your tackeling multiple characters then, do a third person POV. More like a ghost observing everything and also can see the ponies thoughts.
Overall good idea. I would write a spinoff (with your permission) but I am busy with real life stuff. Thumbs up and Fav from me.
Keep up the good work!
~BlueBlitz15
For Spike, instead of him wanting to be a pony to ask Rarity out on a date, he goes to Flip Switch to get wings! Not become a pegasus, but instead gets his own dragon wings!
4746615 Or he could ask Flip Switch to make him look older. Not gigantic, sky scraper sized older, but enough that he's seen as the same age and size as the mane 6.
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That works too!
WOW! I'm suddenly popular!
For everypony reading this story, understand that I have ADHD, no formal writing experience, have College even in the summer, and get writer's block more than Twilight gets panic attacks. Basically, don't expect new chapters to pop up quickly(points 1,3, & 4) and they might be slightly fast paced for now(points 1 & 2). POV will change in the middle of the next chapter so I will keep that until the chapter after next when [censored], after which point it will likely stay on Zephyr's POV for a time. Plus it will remove my fear that you won't know who I'm writing as otherwise.
Post Script: Anypony that wants to use fFlip Switch in a story is welcome to as long as you tell me so I can read it. I love the fact that you all like my idea and can't wait to see what you all come up with(also 4746146, that was my intention (the clop part) even though I am not good enough to write that).
Oh oh oh! I could even have my own group if enough ponies want to write about me!
Oh this will be fun.
Well, this is an interesting concept! I wonder where it goes from here!
This will be the Veliidae Hive's finest moment.
I would be a happy man if you released another chapter soon. You have my full support!
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I'm trying I really am.
No he's not. He has the attention span of Pinkie on caffeine.
Ignore him. I should have one done by the end of the week.