The Veliidae Changeling Hive has a plan to improve changeling-pony relations. Since they can change the forms of other ponies almost as easily as they can change their own, why not start a business on that premise? It's not like anything bad could happen. Right?
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This has some potential for some serious yocks.
That said, I really hate those bald "So-and-So's POV" statements: if I can't figure it out in the first paragraph -- well, you get the idea. Still, that's not enough to get you a downthumb.
This sounds like a delightful premise! As well as a possibly violent one! I can't wait to see how it turns out. That being said I'd like to suggest that you cut out the colored text, it can be hard on the eyes and has a bit of a jarring transition from black text. Unless of course that has some significant bearing later on in the story. Also I agree with Dusty Sage about the "So-and-So's POV" statements, it could easily turn off quite a few readers so try experimenting with other styles, Third person omniscient is rather popular, but unless you're going to restructure this story keep with the POV statements here.
Keep up the good work!
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, though I may not go in that direction with it depending on the character that is gender-swapped. As for the POV's, they are there for those who might need them. I know I do, sometimes
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The colored text was there to differentiate between voice types. When I introduce Fluttershy, she was going to have grey text to represent her quieter nature. However, if people don't like it, I will relegate it to just Zephyr's text, as it is already pre-established. I have no intention of making this a violent story, but I did include gender changes to leave open the possibility of explicit content
Great, except changing species is a little over the top unless it was an illusion. The colors I can get, though... >:3
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That is why it's a skill exclusive to the Veliidae Hive
Nice.
interesting Premise....
x2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/I+_f63f498f2d7fa4748a9828ca8f47ab39.jpg
Wow thats very interesting concept but way way to fast paced.
This seems like an interesting premise. This chapter seems a little too short though. BTW, I want to give you a little advice about something. DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT write a chapter about Spike turning himself into a pony to ask Rarity out! I know some people like that concept but it's overdone and unoriginal by now! How about instead you do something like dragon Rarity! There's barely any of those written on this site! If you want to be a good writer, you gotta be original. This concept here is original, but don't put something as cliche as pony Spike in it.
Still, this seems like an interesting concept. With the way you wrote how Flip Switch can do subspecies, gender, and species changes, this could give birth to a whole new slew of stories! (Especially clop!) What I'm saying is this could possibly become as mainstream as Conversion Bureau! (If written well)
This could honestly be a really awesome story. And spinoff setup, if written correctly. The pacing is too fast, and the colored text is okay. And the POV statements, need to be gone. You can do the first person view if you want, but if your tackeling multiple characters then, do a third person POV. More like a ghost observing everything and also can see the ponies thoughts.
Overall good idea. I would write a spinoff (with your permission) but I am busy with real life stuff. Thumbs up and Fav from me.
Keep up the good work!
~BlueBlitz15
For Spike, instead of him wanting to be a pony to ask Rarity out on a date, he goes to Flip Switch to get wings! Not become a pegasus, but instead gets his own dragon wings!
4746615 Or he could ask Flip Switch to make him look older. Not gigantic, sky scraper sized older, but enough that he's seen as the same age and size as the mane 6.
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That works too!
WOW!
I'm suddenly popular!
For everypony reading this story, understand that I have ADHD, no formal writing experience, have College even in the summer, and get writer's block more than Twilight gets panic attacks. Basically, don't expect new chapters to pop up quickly(points 1,3, & 4) and they might be slightly fast paced for now(points 1 & 2). POV will change in the middle of the next chapter so I will keep that until the chapter after next when [censored], after which point it will likely stay on Zephyr's POV for a time. Plus it will remove my fear that you won't know who I'm writing as otherwise.
Post Script: Anypony that wants to use fFlip Switch in a story is welcome to as long as you tell me so I can read it. I love the fact that you all like my idea and can't wait to see what you all come up with(also 4746146, that was my intention (the clop part) even though I am not good enough to write that).
Oh oh oh! I could even have my own group if enough ponies want to write about me!
Oh this will be fun.
Well, this is an interesting concept! I wonder where it goes from here!
This will be the Veliidae Hive's finest moment.
I would be a happy man if you released another chapter soon. You have my full support!
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I'm trying I really am.
No he's not. He has the attention span of Pinkie on caffeine.
Ignore him. I should have one done by the end of the week.
No problem for it being so long
The pacing is kinda rushed. Aside from that, and the chapter being on the short side, not bad so far.
This is interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter. Good luck.
Haha, silly Fimfiction, you tried to hide yet another chapter from my prying eyes. But you failed! I got to see the chapter! AND IT WAS GOOD!
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I have a slight tendency to write stories with a faster pacing. I hope to fix this while editing.
Yeah, sorry.
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Thank you.
What are you thanking him for? I'm the one that wrote it!
You can't have a story without it's main character.
I can't wait for Canterlot to take you down a notch.
I love the idea of this story. MOAR!
Just what are these guy's angle?