It was supposed to be a friendly favor, but when Rarity stumbles upon some ancient dark magic, she is urged by it to use on Fluttershy, awakening a being so powerful, her desire alone is magical.
Okay joke aside, the problem is that every time I try to get a proofreader, nobody answers, NOBODY. I have tried for the last 3 days to find someone to reply to my ask to proofread it, but not a single person replied. At that point I just gave up and put the story up as it is, and given that I am not a native speaker, stylistic mistakes are bound to happen. One thing I do not understand, why is having a longer sentence at the beginning such a carnal sin that you just gave up on it?
Eh... no. Poor execution, OoC, and extreme plot contrivance. Sorry, but this is lacking. Find yourself an editor, and ask why you wish to hurt characters you, I can only assume, care about. But even if that doesn't matter, it's still not really engaging. Also, it needs a dark tag, maybe even tragedy depending on how you go with it.
That was stupid, like really stupid. All the female characters in this exsit only so some guy can wank to it... I like it! One real criticism though, I don't think the clop was very well done, there wasn't enough to it and I felt a bit disappointed, but hey, I have a thing for dem evil corrupted ladies, in latex, so I'll let this one slid... For now.
4570297 It's a stylistic choice more that anything, to be honest. The story itself is more centered around the aspect of temptation and giving in, rather than the sex itself. The next chapter will involve more detail, but not for the sake of being graphic, but rather to convey the conversion process.
deffinatly want more.
MOAR PLZ
i was really excited to read this, then i read the first line. nope, so much nope
4518667 + eleventybillion.
Author, you need some serious editing and proof reading. Your first sentence is a freaking paragraph.
Any relation to the Puccini opera?
4519515 Yeah? Well I stole your face.
Okay joke aside, the problem is that every time I try to get a proofreader, nobody answers, NOBODY. I have tried for the last 3 days to find someone to reply to my ask to proofread it, but not a single person replied. At that point I just gave up and put the story up as it is, and given that I am not a native speaker, stylistic mistakes are bound to happen. One thing I do not understand, why is having a longer sentence at the beginning such a carnal sin that you just gave up on it?
4519653 No, not really. I chose the name mainly because of the drawing, and Flutters cutie mark.
Eh... no. Poor execution, OoC, and extreme plot contrivance. Sorry, but this is lacking. Find yourself an editor, and ask why you wish to hurt characters you, I can only assume, care about. But even if that doesn't matter, it's still not really engaging. Also, it needs a dark tag, maybe even tragedy depending on how you go with it.
(Reading the description) Holy $#!+ Batmane!
#my fetish
4519515 i was talking about it taking place after season 3 for the record
4520044 i will proofread for you if you want
4524842 Thank You for your willingness to do so, but the chapter has been proofread yesterday, and I already have received offers for the later ones.
4525150 aww shucks, well if you someone in the future im open
4525158 I will keep that in mind. In the meantime, you are most welcome to read it again, now that it's been checked.
That was stupid, like really stupid. All the female characters in this exsit only so some guy can wank to it... I like it!
One real criticism though, I don't think the clop was very well done, there wasn't enough to it and I felt a bit disappointed, but hey, I have a thing for dem evil corrupted ladies, in latex, so I'll let this one slid... For now.
more time and explicitness to the sex please, i love the concept but i feel like u didnt really give much time to the payoff
4570297 It's a stylistic choice more that anything, to be honest. The story itself is more centered around the aspect of temptation and giving in, rather than the sex itself. The next chapter will involve more detail, but not for the sake of being graphic, but rather to convey the conversion process.