Living alone in a world full of ponies is tiresome sometimes, thankfully it isn't that kind of story, with the aid of his 'uncles' and his new friends perhaps he can live in this new home of his, and perhaps find love.
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To many grammatical errors to list. I'll probably fully enjoy it when it's been edited but for the moment... the spelling mistakes really mess with the flow off the story and the ease to read them.
Hope you get this fixed soon.
4650392 Yeah...(awkward laugh) I should really find someone instead of just putting it off...
So, it will be Gabe x Janixe. Okay. So, which is going to get to Gabe first? The changelings (that apparently not Chrysalis' hive), the ones that caused him to have to live here in the first place, or Janixe (after they realize they want each other)?
4653669 you mean kidnap him? Well, not going to say anything for now.
I just read the drunk part…and to be honest…I really don't like it, the drunk kiss…yeah I can follow that, he was drunk but fall and kiss her just like that? yeah that I find hard to believed.
Also…slow down on the romance its coming WAY to quick and for someone as experience and train to held her emotions WAY lock down seeing her act like a school filly JUST for a kiss is…well its really unlike her.
My advice, tease a bit more…instead of full out, feelings, just leave it at…confusion and denying, show that she can HIDE her emotions and just had a light blush or something, and then slowly work her way until find she truly care, that could work.
Also the more I see it, the less I like Zero, but that is just me so…I suppose he is good, and for some reason, I'm not liking the first romantic interesting so far…perhaps because its not feel natural and more 'uncles SHOWING the mare lips into his face' kind of thing…so…yeah please slow that out
P.S: Really? he has being sparing with his uncles for how know how many years once a mount and they NEVER ever teach him some moves and just wing it? That I find a bit hard to believe too…show us a bit of experience with Gabe so it makes sense dude.
Oh and sorry I really think Zero must has his charms and I'm still willing to give him a chance but so far I can't keep thinking of him and then say this
Again, just me, and I imagine he is good
4659645 thanks for giving your opinion, I'll change it when I get the chance, and to be honest zero is more of an annoyed villain than a good guy, so it's alright I'd you hate him. As for the romance I honestly hope I had to take my time with the characters, guess I am wrong with that, hopefully I'll make it more believable.
4659635 wait, do you mean grey? Because zero didn't force his nephew into a kiss, grey did, and as for that part... He love playing matchmaker sometimes, it tends to happen when he do it to people he cares about.
4660603
Ah ok
4660603
and yes I mean Zero
4660603
So…match makers eh? yeah…their hearts could be at the right place…buuuut match their nephew with a mare of power after his trauma and risk open scars because technically those woman's had power as well…not exactly a good idea, but hey maybe there is a reason behind that
4661297 there sorta is, but that's all I'm saying for now.
4661308
Oh good, because they really are playing a dangerous game, lucky for them Gabe is clueless, and maybe Janyx only had like a crush or something and it will go away…with luck, for now I'm more interest in the changelings, je it will be so funny that after all their trouble to get inside the castle Gabe now is leaving
4661330 perhaps, anyway there is a reason, which might or not be explain in the next chapter.
4765366 yeah, I've been trying to make this present tense but my sense of tense is crap. And finding a editor is a bit troublesome when your trying to find one.
Janix is best tsundere pony (pondere?)
Do I sense a heat chapter in this story?
that chapter had me LOTF
6936837 thanks. Glad to know I'm doing something right.
... Baka!