Pacing's kinda eh...

Okay, first of all, rainbow is way OOC, like I had to stop reading it.

By the way, vote down is because of OOC dash, the element of loyalty, I had high hopes for this, had, good luck on future writings.

4340414
take it easy on the guy he's trying noponies perfect

Ok.... going to be honest. This was a high velocity train ride that slammed into a mountain side. The pacing was way too fast, could have really shelled out alot more character interaction with it and made some good character development. I get the jist of the main character, but the whole "omg wtf make-out session" with scoots was..... off putting. I realize this is a clop story, but to have it be so blatant and bold that a blind man could read it is a little aggravating. I get the whole comforting of scoots, but that kind of thing was just "BAM HERE YA GO" kind of shit. That kind of interaction after just re-uniting after years apart has little place here. The meaning behind what he said could have been as a friend and would have shot their relationship into the shitter if he didn't feel that way. Also the uncertainty of how they may have changed overthe years from being friends would weigh heavily wih most actions like this. But thats just me.... I think I am done with the negative.... onto the positive!

I really enjoy the familiar characters with a bit of a twist. Mr. Cranky Doodle Donkey, being a good one. Also celestia and luna are actual deities going to a mortal form? How fucking cool is that!? The conflicts in this world are similar to the original in the mlp-verse. But I think the characterization is pretty good for the most part and I think time will truly tell. But here's something else.
4340414 I have to disagree with you on the opinion about dash. I actually think it is accurate to the build of this world. Nothing has even been hinted at that nightmare has even threatened to return to this world and with that, the mane 6 aren't bound to the original designs of the bearing of the elements. They hold little power in this world and it does involve humans. So I would have to question about how that has affected the world. By nature humans stand against most of what equestrian society has been based upon. So throwing humans into the mix can have a wide variety of effects. And who knows. Dash may be treating scoots like this because..... they have different fathers? Maybe scoots is part human, part anthropomorphic? That would yield some interesting twists. I like how this is going and can see many roads ahead if this is played out as a sex-heavy story or as an actual story. This is my thoughts and opinions and probably the longest review I have written. But I'm liking this! Or maybe it's just a clopfic and I'm taking this too seriously.

P.S. Pm me of you have anything you want my opinion on. I shall be available to answer when I next check fimfiction if you do. Happy writing!

If humans are involved,why has no one pulled a gun,after coming out of an alleyway?

And to quote a song I once heard:"take my money,take my wallet,take the keys to my car,just don't take the girl."Anyon-pony know the song?

4340588 yeah, and I know, we all started somewhere, but I tried to slow my pacing after my first chapter, for me, when we go from seeing dash being sisterly to scoots in the camping episode (its name escapes me) to dash bing a compleat bitch is too much of a gap. Plus the whole "we where best friends, lets buck" without much or any hint at past emotion is to hard for me to take seriously. Yes I get its his story, but I can't get lost in it, fourth wall breaks are cool and all, but to many take you out of the story, and right as I start to get into it, I get knocked out of it, I'm just giving my opinion, I'm sure he can make a great story, this one just isn't for me.

And to the author, work on pacing, grammar, proof reader (trust me, I got one, and I'm sure the greats have them) just to check ya know, good luck with future writings.

4342758 will do
Sleepless on Ponyville
It has been almost two months since they meet (was also suppose to be in high school)
Spoiler for chapter 5 (for your understanding): she was in heat

4343099 I guess I could try to give it a second chance.

Ahaha... Typical I-don't-know-how-to-talk-to-girls guy...

4340414 ahhh... sorry my comrade ,iroh, but, im with this guy you do not want to make a MAIN CHARACTER OOC.
odly enough this was what made me stop reading. BEFORE THE CLOP!

that last part. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-[GASP]-HOHOHOhooo!

4342470
Don't take the girl. Tim Mcgraw.
Linky: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JONCQ9PsEiU

Wait, why is Foalcon a thing and Highschool sex not?