Ey. If a anthro vinyl knock on my door, my mind would crash due to the overload of amazingness. Also, whitetits? ...... *applauds slowly* well played sir, well played.
P.S: the slow applause wasn't in the form of "oh yeah whatever" as it's usually associated with. You got a slow clap of approval. *gives thumbs up*
4412889 not at all. Ive actually always found heterochromia highly attarctive in females. I was trying to imply here that the girls thought it was sexy. my bad for bad communication
4413021 Oh, I see. I always found it intriguing myself. But the powerful shift in their perception of his eyes - especially with how Vinyl described the green eye - implied some sort of magic or glamour involved.
This is a good second chapter. There were a few things that made me cringe a bit though. 1. I know they would sound the same, but it's not "Octy" it's "Octi" or "Tavi". 2.
Remember when we would sneak away from our parents on the weekend and meet up in the field beneath Canterlot mountain, you, Lyra, and me?
If you say this part out loud, it doesn't make sense. because it sounds like you're addressing three people (almost like a dangling participal ) instead of having it be just Vinyl and Octavia. The way this could be changed is by doing this:
Remember when we would sneak away from our parents on the weekend and meet up in the field beneath Canterlot mountain, you and me, Lyra?
or:
Remember when we would sneak away from our parents on the weekend and meet up in the field beneath Canterlot mountain, Lyra, you and me?
You could even ditch the word "Lyra" in this sentence all together. Loving the humor though.
And apparently the protagonist's green eye has some mind control power.
Don't knock on mud brown, mud brown is cool.
Ey. If a anthro vinyl knock on my door, my mind would crash due to the overload of amazingness. Also, whitetits? ...... *applauds slowly* well played sir, well played.
P.S: the slow applause wasn't in the form of "oh yeah whatever" as it's usually associated with. You got a slow clap of approval. *gives thumbs up*
4412889 not at all. Ive actually always found heterochromia highly attarctive in females. I was trying to imply here that the girls thought it was sexy. my bad for bad communication
Apparently ponies find appeal in a completely different set of orbs than our protagonist.
4412889
I'm not saying it's Changelings...
...
But it's definitely Changelings.
4413021
Oh, I see. I always found it intriguing myself. But the powerful shift in their perception of his eyes - especially with how Vinyl described the green eye - implied some sort of magic or glamour involved.
Of course, that could be fun as well...
I love how Octavia went from I'm going to kill you to I want those eyes
So the guy loves their boobs while the girls love his eye. That's legit!
This is a good second chapter. There were a few things that made me cringe a bit though.
1. I know they would sound the same, but it's not "Octy" it's "Octi" or "Tavi".
2.
If you say this part out loud, it doesn't make sense. because it sounds like you're addressing three people (almost like a dangling participal ) instead of having it be just Vinyl and Octavia. The way this could be changed is by doing this:
or:
You could even ditch the word "Lyra" in this sentence all together. Loving the humor though.
Have him take a page out of Vinyl's book and get some shades to cover his eyes up. Vinyl would pitch a fit.
Also, you should really space your paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read.
Well, at least Octavia isn't angry with him any more!
4413271 Not only that, but he can stare at boobies and not get in trouble.
4413077 Screw it, that's what I'm going with.
4413216 I understand where you're coming from but I do have Lyra in there for a reason
XD Octavia you eye pervert! XD
There has to be a name for that fetish.
4856983 Oculophilia.
mumsonfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/themoreyouknow.jpg
4857310 thanks man. I honestly didn't know there was a name for it
4860051 I literally looked it up after I saw the comment. It bugged me that I didn't know
To be fair, Octi did run out of her house topless. But yeah, she's right.