Retirement Blues

by Alaborn

Chapter 1: Two Days Before Retirement

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 1: Two Days Before Retirement

---

A pale orange earth pony stallion sat on one side of a messy desk, much like any of the others in the Royal Canterlot Police Department. On the other side, an older unicorn stallion, with a steel gray coat and a two-toned mane of silver and blue that had mostly faded to silver, paced back and forth, ignoring his own chair.

“You should consider the promotion a sign of the Chief’s respect for you,” the older stallion said. “He might not give anypony verbal praise, but he thinks you have what it takes to be a good detective. And I’m here to teach you.

“But being a detective isn’t something that can be taught. There’s no textbook in the precinct’s storeroom. It’s instinct, insight, and experience. If I could tell you one thing, Dawn Runner, it’s trust your gut.”

“And what does that mean, Sergeant?” Dawn Runner asked.

“Your gut. It’s when observations, conversations, and evidence come together, but still don’t make sense. To be a good detective, you need to develop your gut.”

Dawn Runner laughed. “I’m going to need a lot more trips to Pony Joe’s if I’m ever going to develop a gut like yours.”

Gold Watch scowled. “Colts today. No respect for their elders.” He reflected on what he said. Everypony looked like a colt or filly to him nowadays, but… had Dawn Runner really been a police officer for ten years already? He shook his head.

“When you’re dealing with the scum of Canterlot, they’re going to try to lie, cheat, and trick you,” Gold Watch lectured. “It’s not just enough to use all your senses. You need to use your mind, and your special talent, to see through the ruses.”

“Special talent? How did that work for you?” Dawn Runner questioned.

“I have an innate sense of time, a perfect internal clock,” Gold Watch said, casually brushing the gold pocket watch on his flank. “But it’s not just something good for parlor games. A suspect claims that all he did was walk to the bakery, buy a treat, and walk back. I can calculate the time involved for the trip, the time being investigated, and see through the ruse if there wasn’t enough time. Or, if there was more than enough time, I know the suspect had time to get into trouble, even if his alibi checks out.”

“But my special talent is running.”

“You know the physical signs of a pony who has been running, which will help you find a suspect in a crowd. If a witness says somepony tripped while running, you’d know if that pony’s injuries agree with the witness. You know what kind of horseshoes make running difficult in Canterlot’s cobbled streets,” Gold Watch listed. “Like I said, being a detective means using your mind. But keep hitting the weight room, too. You never know when somepony is going to be less than cooperative.”

A green light flashed across the office as the station’s dragonfire font expelled a note. The nearest officer snatched it and read it. “There’s a robbery and hostage situation over at the First National Bank of Canterlot,” he announced. The police station burst into action as officers retrieved equipment and weapons.

Gold Watch pulled on his jacket and grabbed his badge. His preparations were interrupted by a loud yell. “SERGEANT! What do you think you’re doing?”

Gold Watch looked up. “Chief! There are ponies in trouble.”

“And the best way to help them is for other officers to deal with the criminals. You, Sergeant, are going to stay here and continue to train Dawn Runner,” the chief ordered.

As much as he wanted to answer the call to help one last time, Gold Watch had to admit the chief was right.

The chief walked back into his office. “What kind of chief would send out an officer two days from retirement anyway?” he muttered to himself.

It was hard for Gold Watch to not think about his fellow officers out there, putting their lives on the line, but he continued to work with Dawn Runner. It was not a formal lesson; Gold Watch never considered himself to be a teacher. Rather, he described a number of his past cases, beginning with a description of the facts involved. Each account built to a moment when something clicked for the detective. After a few examples, Dawn Runner was picking up on the clues.

“So the loose soil found near the duke’s carriage suggested he buried the stolen amulet. A garden would be where freshly turned dirt wouldn’t look out of place. But it was spring, and all the gardens would have been recently planted,” Dawn Runner recounted. “And knowing Canterlot nobility, said garden would be huge. There was no way you could dig up the whole thing in time. You had to get it right with the first shovel.” He pondered for a moment. “One of the plants was out of place.”

“You got it. I knew he had enough time to make a purchase at one of three flower shops, but again, we didn’t have time to interview the store owners to find out what we were looking for. But Yellow Rose? Raising flowers is her special talent. Planting certain types of flowers in the same bed is a bad idea. Now, if I were to garden, I’d probably make a stupid mistake like that. But not the duke’s staff.

“So, before the duke could send his seneschal out to make the official protest and impede our investigation, we had the stolen amulet in our hooves. And not even noble privilege will shield a pony from being arrested for absconding with a powerful magical item.”

“We always get our mare, right? Or stallion, as the case may be,” Dawn Runner said.

“How I wish that were always true,” Gold Watch replied.

There was a bustle of activity as officers returned to the station. Gold Watch observed their expressions as they came through the door. There was none of the sadness or shock that accompanied an injured officer or wounded bystander. There was just a grim satisfaction. The criminal was captured, and Canterlot was safe again, at least for now.

“Just two more days,” Gold Watch said.

“Are you looking forward to your farewell celebration?” Dawn Runner asked.

“I am. I just hope that one certain pony accepts my invitation.”

---

Colgate lifted the wok off the stove with her magic and tipped its contents onto a waiting plate. She set the wok down and inhaled the fragrant aroma of garlic and spices. She refocused her telekinesis and carried the plate and a fork over to the kitchen table.

Taking a seat, she again breathed in the aroma of her dinner, appreciating how well the dish turned out. She lifted the fork and placed it into the center of the stir-fried grasses. Twirling the fork with a simple burst of magic, she gathered a tight ball of succulent grass. She lifted the fork, bringing it to her mouth….

Somepony knocked on the door. “Mail call!” a familiar voice called.

Colgate sighed and set the fork down. It was rather late for mail, but if the mailmare had flown all the way to her house, she might as well get it. The light blue unicorn trotted to the door and opened it. Across the threshold, the cross-eyed gray mailmare was smiling as she held a letter.

“I flew all around town looking for Minuette! And then I remembered letters have addresses, too!” she said.

“I’ll take that,” Colgate replied, extending her foreleg.

Derpy suddenly pulled back the letter. “This letter is for Minuette!”

“That’s me,” Colgate said.

“No, you’re Colgate!” Derpy replied.

Colgate sighed. “Minuette is the name my parents gave me. But for personal and professional reasons, I’ve been going by Colgate for years.” She hadn’t had to give that speech for at least two years, but having said it so many times, the words came back to her naturally.

Derpy was quiet, one of her eyes staring at Colgate.

“You know, it’s like how… like how Golden Harvest goes by Carrot Top?” Colgate’s usual example in this situation was Ditzy “Derpy” Doo herself, but she didn’t want to risk upsetting her.

“Oh, okay!” Derpy said cheerily, offering Colgate the letter.

Colgate took the letter. “See you later!”

“Bye, Colgate!” Derpy flew off, narrowly missing the maple tree in Colgate’s front yard.

Colgate returned to the kitchen table, hoping her dinner hadn’t grown too cold. She eyed the letter. Since her mother had passed away five years ago, that left only one pony who would send a letter addressed to Minuette.

The unicorn pulled out an invitation, elegant calligraphy on fine linen paper. “The Royal Canterlot Police Department requests your presence at a dinner and celebration to mark the retirement of Sergeant Gold Watch,” she read as she chewed on the spicy grass. The date was a week from now, and fortunately didn’t conflict with the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration.

A separate paper slipped out of the envelope as it floated in her aura. This note was ordinary paper, and the writing was somewhat sloppy hornwriting. Colgate examined it. “Dear Minuette,” she started reading. “I realize we haven’t been close over the last several years, but I’d like to make up for that. Please come to the ceremony. Afterwards, let’s talk, one adult to another. Love always, Dad.”

Colgate realized she had been chewing on her fork for some time. Getting another forkful of grass, she set the letter down. It looked like she was going to Canterlot.

---

A week later, Colgate closed down her dental practice at noon, giving her receptionist/hygienist Snow Glimmer a welcome afternoon off. From there, she hurried to catch the next train to Canterlot. After arriving, she found the hotel indicated on her invitation, arriving about ten minutes before the start of the dinner.

“This seems familiar,” she said to herself, surveying the hotel’s ballroom. At the front, a makeshift stage and a podium waited for speakers. Round tables filled the room, with about half the seats already occupied. The tables were already set with flower appetizers, fresh bread, and the initial salad course. Waiter ponies levitated pitchers of water and iced tea, filling the glasses of the guests.

Searching the sea of unfamiliar ponies, Colgate eventually settled on a table near the back, claiming a seat that would allow her to see the stage without twisting her body. More guests arrived, picking their way through the tables to the remaining open seats. This could have been the annual meeting of the Equestrian Dental Association, save for the fact that her own father was up front, standing near the VIP table, shaking hooves with countless ponies.

Soon, dinner began. The waiters efficiently carried huge trays stacked with plain cloches to centralized locations, replacing each pony’s empty salad plate with an entrée. “Baked hay, some kind of sauce, potatoes, and seasonal vegetables,” Colgate predicted, to be proven right as the lid was lifted. The entrée was followed by a chocolate cake with raspberry sauce and whipped cream. A good tasting dessert, but it lacked something compared to the desserts from Sugarcube Corner.

The waiters cleared the plates and served coffee as an older pegasus stallion stepped to the podium. Almost every conversation in the room ceased as ponies turned to watch him. “Good evening, everypony,” he said. “I know I’m not one for long speeches”—the assembled ponies laughed—“but we are on a clock. I gave the scum of Canterlot explicit instructions to be on their best behavior until we send off Gold Watch here, but if you think they’re going to hold out past moonrise, guess again.”

The chief was followed on stage by many other ponies. Her father’s first partner, a retired detective, several close friends from the force, and a younger detective. The ponies and their speeches all ran together in Colgate’s mind. The speeches featured plenty of good-natured ribbing—her favorite joke was the one about Pony Joe retiring her father’s favorite stool at the doughnut shop—but they all conveyed a closeness, one that seemed familiar yet distant to Colgate.

“They’re like… a family,” Colgate whispered.

Finally, the chief returned to stage and called up Gold Watch. He presented him with a retirement gift, a gold watch crafted to resemble his cutie mark. Finally, the chief returned to his seat, leaving the spotlight to the retiring detective.

“I’m not one for big speeches, and unlike the Chief, I mean it,” Gold Watch began, pausing to let the crowd finish laughing. “I can’t believe it. Forty years. Forty years of dealing with everypony in the station, and I didn’t end up in the slammer myself. Forty years of bad coffee, bad jokes, and endless paperwork.

“I’m going to miss it. I’m going to miss all of it. I’m going to miss all of you.

“When I leave tonight, there’s a lot I’m going to be left wondering. Like, how is it you could remember every single embarrassing story from my years on the force, and recount them in perfect detail tonight, when you couldn’t even remember my last birthday? How could you forget that simple rule, ‘keep your hooves off my coffee mug’? And how are you going to get along without me?

“Well, I know the answer to that last question. Now that this old timer isn’t slowing you down, you have no excuses left. Go out there, and keep Canterlot safe. Thank you.”

---

Colgate found her father sitting at a table in the corner of the hotel bar, back to the wall, nursing a beer. “I thought I might find you here,” she said.

“I’m glad you came, Minuette. Why don’t you sit down?” Gold Watch offered. “Want something to drink? A sarsaparilla?”

“Dad, I haven’t drunk sarsaparilla since I was a filly. All that sugar is bad for the teeth, you know.” Colgate briefly glanced at a drink menu before setting it down when the waiter arrived. “A glass of Chardonnay,” she requested. The unicorn waiter nodded, and departed.

By the time the waiter returned with Colgate’s wine, neither pony had spoken. Colgate took a sip of wine and then spoke. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“I know. It’s just that… it’s hard for me to say what I need to say. I haven’t been a very good father,” he admitted.

“Nonsense. You supported me through Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and dental school. You helped me start my dental practice,” she replied.

“Minuette, you don’t need thirty years as a detective to hear the sarcasm in your voice,” Gold Watch said. “I said I wanted to talk. I want you to tell me all those things that you were so afraid of letting slip that you moved to Ponyville to get away from me.”

Colgate’s jaw dropped, but she quickly recovered. “You want to hear it? Fine. You said you wanted to talk as adults? Then stop calling me by my childhood name.”

“Minuette is a beautiful name with a fine history. It’s your mother’s grandmother’s name.”

“I know, and I mean no disrespect, but do you know how hard it is to be trusted as a dentist with an hourglass cutie mark? That’s why I adopted the name of one of Equestria’s early dentists,” Colgate explained.

“You know that time-related cutie marks run in our family, dear. Besides, your mark has more to do with your profession than you think. What instructions do you give your patients after a checkup?”

“Brush twice a day, floss once a day, get your teeth cleaned professionally every six months, and get x-rays once a year,” recited Colgate.

“Regular periods of time all, much like an hourglass. And what advice do you have for parents to make sure their foals brush properly?”

“They should brush for two minutes. I recommend they use a timer.”

“A miniature hourglass timer, right?” Colgate was closed-mouthed, but Gold Watch could read all he needed from her expression. “I want you to know that I understand where you’re coming from,” Gold Watch said. “We ponies are taught that we all live together in friendship and harmony. And we believe it so much that nopony thinks their special talent is to deal with the criminals and other assorted scum. So nopony in the police department has a cutie mark related to police work.”

“Really? Nopony at all?”

“Nopony in Canterlot, at least for the forty years I was there,” Gold Watch said. “I’ve heard it’s different on the frontier, but here, ponies join the police force because they want to help everypony, and not because it’s what their cutie mark is telling them.”

Gold Watch took a sip of beer while letting his words settle. He set down his glass. “So we earn our respect by doing a good job, just like you do, Minuette,” he added.

Colgate nodded. “You know, Dad, this is the first time you’ve really talked about your work. I’ve understood for years that there are bad ponies, but you always treated me like a little filly.”

“You’ll always be my little filly, Minuette. But I promise I’ll talk about my past without sugarcoating it, like adults, if that’s what you want.” He sighed. “I think that’s what I need.”

“If you want to treat me like an adult, let’s start with one simple request. I’d like you to respect my wishes and call me Colgate,” she said.

Gold Watch bowed his head. “I’m making a lot of changes with my life. I think I can add one more, Colgate.” He smiled. “But as your father, I reserve the right to call you by your full name if you misbehave.”

Colgate laughed. “Thanks, Dad. But are you serious about changing?”

He nodded. “Canterlot has always been my home. Protecting its ponies became my life, so much that I neglected my duties as a father and a husband. I need a clean break. I need someplace quiet, where I can focus on the other important things in my life. That’s why I decided to leave Canterlot and move closer to you.”

“There isn’t any place closer to Ponyville than Canterlot, except for....”

“That’s right, I decided to retire to Ponyville, the town where nothing happens.”

“Uh, Dad?” Colgate interjected.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“You do know what happened three days ago, right?”

“The defeat of Nightmare Moon and the return of Princess Luna? Of course! It’s the talk of Canterlot right now,” Gold Watch replied.

“Dad, that happened in Ponyville.”

Gold Watch lowered his glass to the table. “I guess even the dullest town can have an exciting day. Or night. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“It’s not just that,” she said.

Gold Watch stared at his daughter.

“The legendary Elements of Harmony were recovered, and are now tied to mares of Ponyville,” Colgate continued.

Gold Watch’s jaw lowered.

“Twilight Sparkle, the personal student and protégé of Princess Celestia, is now Ponyville’s librarian.

Gold Watch buried his head in his hooves. “Just what have I gotten myself into now?”

Author's Note:

This has been a story idea for a while. It was started long enough ago that when I needed a name for the winner of the Running of the Leaves race in Clean Slate, I had Dawn Runner.

Comments

[Zocarik]

I want to see what other ponies think of Twilight. Clearly Gold Watch is aware of her, and she has a reputation in Canterlot. What will that cause for everypony? Also, you do not have to stick strictly to the episodes. You can also make up small events involving the bearers.

[djthomp]

“That’s right, I decided to retire to Ponyville, the town where nothing happens.”

Bwhahahahaha! Thanks a lot, Twilight!

[Cadabra]

I am liking where this is going so far.

[Dan]

The stolen amulet sounds a lot like Agatha Christie's How Does your Garden Grow, where the murderer is caught because the garden path was partially lined with Oyster Shells that were incongruous with the rest of the carefully-ordered garden.

[Alaborn]

6168538 I haven't read that story, so the inclusion of that plot point was a total coincidence.