> Retirement Blues
>  by Alaborn
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Two Days Before Retirement
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 1: Two Days Before Retirement





A pale orange earth pony stallion sat on one side of a messy desk, much like any of the others in the Royal Canterlot Police Department.  On the other side, an older unicorn stallion, with a steel gray coat and a two-toned mane of silver and blue that had mostly faded to silver, paced back and forth, ignoring his own chair.

“You should consider the promotion a sign of the Chief’s respect for you,” the older stallion said.  “He might not give anypony verbal praise, but he thinks you have what it takes to be a good detective.  And I’m here to teach you.

“But being a detective isn’t something that can be taught.  There’s no textbook in the precinct’s storeroom.  It’s instinct, insight, and experience.  If I could tell you one thing, Dawn Runner, it’s trust your gut.”

“And what does that mean, Sergeant?” Dawn Runner asked.

“Your gut.  It’s when observations, conversations, and evidence come together, but still don’t make sense.  To be a good detective, you need to develop your gut.”

Dawn Runner laughed.  “I’m going to need a lot more trips to Pony Joe’s if I’m ever going to develop a gut like yours.”

Gold Watch scowled.  “Colts today.  No respect for their elders.”  He reflected on what he said.  Everypony looked like a colt or filly to him nowadays, but… had Dawn Runner really been a police officer for ten years already?  He shook his head.

“When you’re dealing with the scum of Canterlot, they’re going to try to lie, cheat, and trick you,” Gold Watch lectured.  “It’s not just enough to use all your senses.  You need to use your mind, and your special talent, to see through the ruses.”

“Special talent?  How did that work for you?”  Dawn Runner questioned.

“I have an innate sense of time, a perfect internal clock,” Gold Watch said, casually brushing the gold pocket watch on his flank.  “But it’s not just something good for parlor games.  A suspect claims that all he did was walk to the bakery, buy a treat, and walk back.  I can calculate the time involved for the trip, the time being investigated, and see through the ruse if there wasn’t enough time.  Or, if there was more than enough time, I know the suspect had time to get into trouble, even if his alibi checks out.”

“But my special talent is running.”

“You know the physical signs of a pony who has been running, which will help you find a suspect in a crowd.  If a witness says somepony tripped while running, you’d know if that pony’s injuries agree with the witness.  You know what kind of horseshoes make running difficult in Canterlot’s cobbled streets,” Gold Watch listed.  “Like I said, being a detective means using your mind.  But keep hitting the weight room, too.  You never know when somepony is going to be less than cooperative.”

A green light flashed across the office as the station’s dragonfire font expelled a note.  The nearest officer snatched it and read it.  “There’s a robbery and hostage situation over at the First National Bank of Canterlot,” he announced.  The police station burst into action as officers retrieved equipment and weapons.

Gold Watch pulled on his jacket and grabbed his badge.  His preparations were interrupted by a loud yell.  “SERGEANT!  What do you think you’re doing?”

Gold Watch looked up.  “Chief!  There are ponies in trouble.”

“And the best way to help them is for other officers to deal with the criminals.  You, Sergeant, are going to stay here and continue to train Dawn Runner,” the chief ordered.

As much as he wanted to answer the call to help one last time, Gold Watch had to admit the chief was right.

The chief walked back into his office.  “What kind of chief would send out an officer two days from retirement anyway?” he muttered to himself.

It was hard for Gold Watch to not think about his fellow officers out there, putting their lives on the line, but he continued to work with Dawn Runner.  It was not a formal lesson; Gold Watch never considered himself to be a teacher.  Rather, he described a number of his past cases, beginning with a description of the facts involved.  Each account built to a moment when something clicked for the detective.  After a few examples, Dawn Runner was picking up on the clues.

“So the loose soil found near the duke’s carriage suggested he buried the stolen amulet.  A garden would be where freshly turned dirt wouldn’t look out of place.  But it was spring, and all the gardens would have been recently planted,” Dawn Runner recounted.  “And knowing Canterlot nobility, said garden would be huge.  There was no way you could dig up the whole thing in time.  You had to get it right with the first shovel.”  He pondered for a moment.   “One of the plants was out of place.”

“You got it.  I knew he had enough time to make a purchase at one of three flower shops, but again, we didn’t have time to interview the store owners to find out what we were looking for.  But Yellow Rose?  Raising flowers is her special talent.  Planting certain types of flowers in the same bed is a bad idea.  Now, if I were to garden, I’d probably make a stupid mistake like that.  But not the duke’s staff.

“So, before the duke could send his seneschal out to make the official protest and impede our investigation, we had the stolen amulet in our hooves.  And not even noble privilege will shield a pony from being arrested for absconding with a powerful magical item.”

“We always get our mare, right?  Or stallion, as the case may be,” Dawn Runner said.

“How I wish that were always true,” Gold Watch replied.

There was a bustle of activity as officers returned to the station.  Gold Watch observed their expressions as they came through the door.  There was none of the sadness or shock that accompanied an injured officer or wounded bystander.  There was just a grim satisfaction.  The criminal was captured, and Canterlot was safe again, at least for now.

“Just two more days,” Gold Watch said.

“Are you looking forward to your farewell celebration?” Dawn Runner asked.

“I am.  I just hope that one certain pony accepts my invitation.”





Colgate lifted the wok off the stove with her magic and tipped its contents onto a waiting plate.  She set the wok down and inhaled the fragrant aroma of garlic and spices.  She refocused her telekinesis and carried the plate and a fork over to the kitchen table.

Taking a seat, she again breathed in the aroma of her dinner, appreciating how well the dish turned out.  She lifted the fork and placed it into the center of the stir-fried grasses.  Twirling the fork with a simple burst of magic, she gathered a tight ball of succulent grass.  She lifted the fork, bringing it to her mouth….

Somepony knocked on the door.  “Mail call!” a familiar voice called.

Colgate sighed and set the fork down.  It was rather late for mail, but if the mailmare had flown all the way to her house, she might as well get it.  The light blue unicorn trotted to the door and opened it.  Across the threshold, the cross-eyed gray mailmare was smiling as she held a letter.

“I flew all around town looking for Minuette!  And then I remembered letters have addresses, too!” she said.

“I’ll take that,” Colgate replied, extending her foreleg.

Derpy suddenly pulled back the letter.  “This letter is for Minuette!”

“That’s me,” Colgate said.

“No, you’re Colgate!” Derpy replied.

Colgate sighed.  “Minuette is the name my parents gave me.  But for personal and professional reasons, I’ve been going by Colgate for years.”  She hadn’t had to give that speech for at least two years, but having said it so many times, the words came back to her naturally.

Derpy was quiet, one of her eyes staring at Colgate.

“You know, it’s like how… like how Golden Harvest goes by Carrot Top?”  Colgate’s usual example in this situation was Ditzy “Derpy” Doo herself, but she didn’t want to risk upsetting her.

“Oh, okay!” Derpy said cheerily, offering Colgate the letter.

Colgate took the letter.  “See you later!”

“Bye, Colgate!”  Derpy flew off, narrowly missing the maple tree in Colgate’s front yard.

Colgate returned to the kitchen table, hoping her dinner hadn’t grown too cold.  She eyed the letter.  Since her mother had passed away five years ago, that left only one pony who would send a letter addressed to Minuette.

The unicorn pulled out an invitation, elegant calligraphy on fine linen paper.  “The Royal Canterlot Police Department requests your presence at a dinner and celebration to mark the retirement of Sergeant Gold Watch,” she read as she chewed on the spicy grass.  The date was a week from now, and fortunately didn’t conflict with the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration.

A separate paper slipped out of the envelope as it floated in her aura.  This note was ordinary paper, and the writing was somewhat sloppy hornwriting.  Colgate examined it.  “Dear Minuette,” she started reading.  “I realize we haven’t been close over the last several years, but I’d like to make up for that.  Please come to the ceremony.  Afterwards, let’s talk, one adult to another.  Love always, Dad.”

Colgate realized she had been chewing on her fork for some time.  Getting another forkful of grass, she set the letter down.  It looked like she was going to Canterlot.





A week later, Colgate closed down her dental practice at noon, giving her receptionist/hygienist Snow Glimmer a welcome afternoon off.  From there, she hurried to catch the next train to Canterlot.  After arriving, she found the hotel indicated on her invitation, arriving about ten minutes before the start of the dinner.

“This seems familiar,” she said to herself, surveying the hotel’s ballroom.  At the front, a makeshift stage and a podium waited for speakers.  Round tables filled the room, with about half the seats already occupied.  The tables were already set with flower appetizers, fresh bread, and the initial salad course.  Waiter ponies levitated pitchers of water and iced tea, filling the glasses of the guests.

Searching the sea of unfamiliar ponies, Colgate eventually settled on a table near the back, claiming a seat that would allow her to see the stage without twisting her body.  More guests arrived, picking their way through the tables to the remaining open seats.  This could have been the annual meeting of the Equestrian Dental Association, save for the fact that her own father was up front, standing near the VIP table, shaking hooves with countless ponies.

Soon, dinner began.  The waiters efficiently carried huge trays stacked with plain cloches to centralized locations, replacing each pony’s empty salad plate with an entrée.  “Baked hay, some kind of sauce, potatoes, and seasonal vegetables,” Colgate predicted, to be proven right as the lid was lifted.  The entrée was followed by a chocolate cake with raspberry sauce and whipped cream.  A good tasting dessert, but it lacked something compared to the desserts from Sugarcube Corner.

The waiters cleared the plates and served coffee as an older pegasus stallion stepped to the podium.  Almost every conversation in the room ceased as ponies turned to watch him.  “Good evening, everypony,” he said.  “I know I’m not one for long speeches”—the assembled ponies laughed—“but we are on a clock.  I gave the scum of Canterlot explicit instructions to be on their best behavior until we send off Gold Watch here, but if you think they’re going to hold out past moonrise, guess again.”

The chief was followed on stage by many other ponies.  Her father’s first partner, a retired detective, several close friends from the force, and a younger detective.  The ponies and their speeches all ran together in Colgate’s mind.  The speeches featured plenty of good-natured ribbing—her favorite joke was the one about Pony Joe retiring her father’s favorite stool at the doughnut shop—but they all conveyed a closeness, one that seemed familiar yet distant to Colgate.

“They’re like… a family,” Colgate whispered.

Finally, the chief returned to stage and called up Gold Watch.  He presented him with a retirement gift, a gold watch crafted to resemble his cutie mark.  Finally, the chief returned to his seat, leaving the spotlight to the retiring detective.

“I’m not one for big speeches, and unlike the Chief, I mean it,” Gold Watch began, pausing to let the crowd finish laughing.  “I can’t believe it.  Forty years.  Forty years of dealing with everypony in the station, and I didn’t end up in the slammer myself.  Forty years of bad coffee, bad jokes, and endless paperwork.

“I’m going to miss it.  I’m going to miss all of it.  I’m going to miss all of you.

“When I leave tonight, there’s a lot I’m going to be left wondering.  Like, how is it you could remember every single embarrassing story from my years on the force, and recount them in perfect detail tonight, when you couldn’t even remember my last birthday?  How could you forget that simple rule, ‘keep your hooves off my coffee mug’?  And how are you going to get along without me?

“Well, I know the answer to that last question.  Now that this old timer isn’t slowing you down, you have no excuses left.  Go out there, and keep Canterlot safe.  Thank you.”





Colgate found her father sitting at a table in the corner of the hotel bar, back to the wall, nursing a beer.  “I thought I might find you here,” she said.

“I’m glad you came, Minuette.  Why don’t you sit down?” Gold Watch offered.  “Want something to drink?  A sarsaparilla?”

“Dad, I haven’t drunk sarsaparilla since I was a filly.  All that sugar is bad for the teeth, you know.”  Colgate briefly glanced at a drink menu before setting it down when the waiter arrived.  “A glass of Chardonnay,” she requested.  The unicorn waiter nodded, and departed.

By the time the waiter returned with Colgate’s wine, neither pony had spoken.  Colgate took a sip of wine and then spoke.  “You said you wanted to talk.”

“I know.  It’s just that… it’s hard for me to say what I need to say.  I haven’t been a very good father,” he admitted.

“Nonsense.  You supported me through Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and dental school.  You helped me start my dental practice,” she replied.

“Minuette, you don’t need thirty years as a detective to hear the sarcasm in your voice,” Gold Watch said.  “I said I wanted to talk.  I want you to tell me all those things that you were so afraid of letting slip that you moved to Ponyville to get away from me.”

Colgate’s jaw dropped, but she quickly recovered.  “You want to hear it?  Fine.  You said you wanted to talk as adults?  Then stop calling me by my childhood name.”

“Minuette is a beautiful name with a fine history.  It’s your mother’s grandmother’s name.”

“I know, and I mean no disrespect, but do you know how hard it is to be trusted as a dentist with an hourglass cutie mark?  That’s why I adopted the name of one of Equestria’s early dentists,” Colgate explained.

“You know that time-related cutie marks run in our family, dear.  Besides, your mark has more to do with your profession than you think.  What instructions do you give your patients after a checkup?”

“Brush twice a day, floss once a day, get your teeth cleaned professionally every six months, and get x-rays once a year,” recited Colgate.

“Regular periods of time all, much like an hourglass.  And what advice do you have for parents to make sure their foals brush properly?”

“They should brush for two minutes.  I recommend they use a timer.”

“A miniature hourglass timer, right?”  Colgate was closed-mouthed, but Gold Watch could read all he needed from her expression.  “I want you to know that I understand where you’re coming from,” Gold Watch said.  “We ponies are taught that we all live together in friendship and harmony.  And we believe it so much that nopony thinks their special talent is to deal with the criminals and other assorted scum.  So nopony in the police department has a cutie mark related to police work.”

“Really?  Nopony at all?”

“Nopony in Canterlot, at least for the forty years I was there,” Gold Watch said.  “I’ve heard it’s different on the frontier, but here, ponies join the police force because they want to help everypony, and not because it’s what their cutie mark is telling them.”

Gold Watch took a sip of beer while letting his words settle.  He set down his glass.  “So we earn our respect by doing a good job, just like you do, Minuette,” he added.

Colgate nodded.  “You know, Dad, this is the first time you’ve really talked about your work.  I’ve understood for years that there are bad ponies, but you always treated me like a little filly.”

“You’ll always be my little filly, Minuette.  But I promise I’ll talk about my past without sugarcoating it, like adults, if that’s what you want.”  He sighed.  “I think that’s what I need.”

“If you want to treat me like an adult, let’s start with one simple request.  I’d like you to respect my wishes and call me Colgate,” she said.

Gold Watch bowed his head.  “I’m making a lot of changes with my life.  I think I can add one more, Colgate.”  He smiled.  “But as your father, I reserve the right to call you by your full name if you misbehave.”

Colgate laughed.  “Thanks, Dad.  But are you serious about changing?”

He nodded.  “Canterlot has always been my home.  Protecting its ponies became my life, so much that I neglected my duties as a father and a husband.  I need a clean break.  I need someplace quiet, where I can focus on the other important things in my life.  That’s why I decided to leave Canterlot and move closer to you.”

“There isn’t any place closer to Ponyville than Canterlot, except for....”

“That’s right, I decided to retire to Ponyville, the town where nothing happens.”

“Uh, Dad?” Colgate interjected.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“You do know what happened three days ago, right?”

“The defeat of Nightmare Moon and the return of Princess Luna?  Of course!  It’s the talk of Canterlot right now,” Gold Watch replied.

“Dad, that happened in Ponyville.”

Gold Watch lowered his glass to the table.  “I guess even the dullest town can have an exciting day.  Or night.  There’s nothing to worry about.”

“It’s not just that,” she said.

Gold Watch stared at his daughter.

“The legendary Elements of Harmony were recovered, and are now tied to mares of Ponyville,” Colgate continued.

Gold Watch’s jaw lowered.

“Twilight Sparkle, the personal student and protégé of Princess Celestia, is now Ponyville’s librarian.

Gold Watch buried his head in his hooves.  “Just what have I gotten myself into now?”

> Chapter 2: New Arrivals
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 2: New Arrivals





Gold Watch never had trouble rising with the sun.  Even in his new and unfamiliar home, away from the bustle of Canterlot’s streets, the gentle brightening of the sky touched his senses and roused his mind and body.  Following a quick shower, he tackled some more unpacking while waiting for his daughter to arrive.

Even though their meeting earlier had been contentious, Colgate had agreed to help him settle in.  He was determined to work on their relationship, though he knew more than a few bumps would be found on that road.

Colgate knocked on his door at precisely 7:30.  He opened the door, greeting his daughter.

“Thank you for volunteering to show me around town,” Gold Watch said.

“I didn’t have an 8 AM appointment today, so I’m happy to show you around Ponyville,” Colgate replied.

Gold Watch levitated his saddlebags onto his back.  “I’ll be ready to see the town once I have my morning coffee and doughnut,” he said.

Colgate pawed the ground nervously.  “Actually, Dad, there isn’t any place like Pony Joe’s in Ponyville.  And I’ve only seen coffee served in restaurants.”

“What?  How is that possible?” Gold Watch exclaimed.

“You’ve lived in Canterlot your entire life, dad.  Things are different here,” Colgate said.  “Let’s talk over breakfast.  I think you’ll like Sugarcube Corner.”





Gold Watch stopped and stared when Sugarcube Corner came into view.  The building, decorated like a madmare’s gingerbread house, could never exist in Canterlot.  Even if the building codes and historical architecture committees would allow it, the ponies of Canterlot would turn up their noses.  But judging from the crowd, the ponies of Ponyville loved it.  He trotted to catch up with Colgate.

There were several ponies already in line, giving Gold Watch a chance to observe.  There were three ponies working, between the kitchen and the front counter.  A mare and stallion, looking to be a bit north of thirty, moved with the familiarity of a married couple.  Both had cake-related cutie marks; they were likely the owners of the establishment.  The other pony, with a very distinctive poofy mane and pink coat, appeared to be the main worker at the front counter.  She was perhaps a few years younger than his daughter, and didn’t appear to be related to the married ponies.

Younger ponies had a level of energy that Gold Watch hadn’t known for many years.  But this pony was several levels above that.  He didn’t see a coffee pot, but the pink pony’s hyperactivity gave him hope that there might be coffee here.

When Gold Watch got to the counter, the pink pony smiled almost impossibly wide, brilliant white teeth reflecting the bakery’s lights.  “Hi, hi, hi!  I’m Pinkie Pie, and let me welcome you to Ponyville and Sugarcube Corner!  What can I get you?”

He didn’t see what he wanted for breakfast, but it was worth checking.  “I don’t suppose you serve doughnuts?” Gold Watch asked.

“Don’t be a silly-dilly.  This is a BAKE-ery, not a FRY-ery!” she replied cheerily.

“In that case, I need a little more time to decide.”

“How about you?”  The usual?” Pinkie Pie asked Colgate.

“The usual,” she acknowledged.

“One half of a blueberry scone, coming right up!”  Pinkie Pie deftly cut one of the scones in half with a spatula, and passed it to Colgate.

“One half, Colgate?” Gold Watch said.

“Yes.  They’re very sweet, and I’m not going to put my teeth at risk,” she replied.

Gold Watch turned to Pinkie Pie.  “Does anypony buy the leftover half?”

“Nope nope nope!  I’ll normally take it with me after work,” she explained.

“Well, let me buy it today.  And add in... a chocolate chip muffin.”

“That’ll be three bits!” she said.

Gold Watch paid and joined his daughter at one of the outdoor tables.  “That pink mare, I take it she’s one of your patients?”

“No!” Colgate replied.  “She eats nothing but sugar, never goes to the dentist, and still has perfect teeth.  It’s maddening.”

“You know, you shouldn’t just buy half a scone.  Nopony will buy the other half.  It isn’t fair to the store,” he said.

“Try it first,” Colgate replied.  “You’ll see why I only want half of one.”

Gold Watch levitated his half of the blueberry scone and took a bite.  It was delicious, but incredibly sweet.  Most scones he had tried had that dense texture as the most prominent note, but with this one, the sweetness was the first thing he noticed.  It made him wonder how sweet the muffin would be.

“And speaking of things you shouldn’t do, that’s a pretty big breakfast,” Colgate said.

“I’m going to be on my hooves all day, exploring the town.  I’ll be fine,” he said.

“You were ‘on your hooves’ all day as a cop, and look where it got you,” she noted.

Gold Watch laughed sharply.  “More like having my rump planted in a chair, stuck behind my desk.  I know you’re concerned about my girth, but I’m an adult, too.  And I promise to work on it.”

“I’m just concerned about you, Dad.  I do want to reconnect, but I also want you to be healthy.”

“We’ve got an hour left.  Why don’t you show me around town?  I have a mostly empty home that needs furnishing, and I need to know where to shop.”

The two ponies rose, and Colgate led them down the street.  “There are a lot of distinct businesses here.  A lot of ponies sell a product or two, and live in the space behind their shop.  Like that one, Quills and Sofas.  That’s Mr. Davenport’s shop, and the place to go if you need quills or a sofa.”

“Wait.  The shop sells quills and sofas?  And that’s all?”

“I did tell you Ponyville was unique, Dad,” Colgate said.  “There’s not a lot of organization here, and there’s nothing like the Canterlot zoning restrictions, so your best bet is to just walk around.  Now that’s the farmer’s market.”

Gold Watch nodded and surveyed the farmer’s market.  Already, ponies were setting up carts, filled with foodstuffs and various hoofcrafted goods.  The market lacked the organization of the ones in Canterlot; there were no posts subdividing the open space into stalls, for example.  But the ponies here made it work.

“I assume you have some paperwork.  Town Hall is over there.  It’s the tallest building in town, well, if you don’t count the water tower.  So you should be able to find it easily,” Colgate said.

“Thanks.  I do have something to take care of there.”

“Now, for the amount you probably need to buy for your house, I’ll recommend going to Barnyard Bargains.  It’s the biggest building in down, at least by area, and it’s over by the train station,” Colgate said.

Gold Watch nodded.  He recognized the name of the store, but there wasn’t one in Canterlot.  “Maybe they sell a coffee maker.”

Colgate laughed.  “Dad, my earliest memories are of you and Mom, at the kitchen table.  You always had a coffee cup and the morning newspaper.  It just wouldn’t be right for you to go without.”  She gave him a kiss on the cheek.  “Now, I need to get to the office.  Some ponies still need to work, you know.”





There was one thing good about a small town, Gold Watch decided.  There weren’t long lines at the government offices.  In fact, he was the only pony in line.  And as near as he could tell, all of the government functions happened in this one building.  He saw two clerks, and an older mare talking to them.  One of the clerks looked up.  “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Yes, I just moved here, and I have the normal paperwork to file.”

“I can handle that,” the clerk said.  He quickly scanned the papers, and then took a stamp in his mouth, marking them in the right places.  “Welcome to Ponyville, Mr. Gold Watch.”

“I’d also like to go ahead and pay my property taxes while I’m here.”

That comment attracted the attention of the older mare.  “You’re paying your taxes early?” she asked incredulously.

“Why not?  It will save me another trip next month,” Gold Watch stated.

“I’m far more used to hearing excuses.  ‘The check’s in the mail.’  ‘There must have been a mix-up at the post office.’  ‘A monster from the Everfree Forest destroyed my cart.’  Actually, the last one sometimes happens.  I’m Mayor Mare, and I’d like to echo Red Tape and welcome you to Ponyville.”

“A pleasure, Madame Mayor.  I must say, I like this office better than the ones in Canterlot.  I swear, half of the government offices exist to keep the nobles busy.”

“You’re from Canterlot?  We have a fair number of guard families living here.  A much better place to raise a family, I’ve heard.”

“Yes, I just retired from the Canterlot police department,” Gold Watch said.

“Then you’re the first police officer in town.  We just have an auxiliary guard post, which can serve as a jail.  But rarely do we have anything worse than somepony needing to sleep off a night’s excess.”

“I’m kind of surprised.  I’ve seen smaller towns with police departments,” Gold Watch observed.

“We’ve experienced a lot of growth recently,” Mayor Mare explained.  “Even five years ago, Ponyville was a lot smaller.  To be honest, we’re going to need to establish a police station here.  But I’m having trouble selling it to the ponies in town.  Nopony wants to see their taxes go up.”  Mayor Mare cleared her throat.  “Well, enough about that.  Ever think about being chief?”

Gold Watch laughed.  “Sorry, ma’am, but I’m retired.  But if there’s ever any trouble, I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Most of our troubles come from the Everfree Forest.  Ponyville encourages all its adult residents to learn how to deal with the most common threats.  There’s a list of classes over there, if you’re interested.”

The Everfree Forest was, for all Gold Watch’s life, just some abstraction.  It was all strange monsters and magical dangers, the kind of things that the unicorns of Canterlot would never deign to let near their city.  But now, as a citizen of Ponyville, these threats were real.  And a lifetime of service to his fellow pony wasn’t going to end just because he was retired.  “I think I’ll check it out.  Thank you, Madame Mayor.”





Gold Watch wandered the aisles of the massive behemoth known as Rich’s Barnyard Bargains.  Shelves were filled with goods, and ponies examined the competing brands.  He found his way to an aisle with kitchen utensils and appliances.  They ranged from simple tools to magic-powered contraptions that promised to easily handle some task in the kitchen.

Pots and pans.  There was a box of pots and pans somewhere in his house.  They had barely seen any use since Blue Opal passed away.  Alone at home, it was always easier for him to pick up dinner from a diner or a street vendor.  His brief tour of Ponyville indicated he would starve if he tried that.  Learning to cook better was just one change he would have to make.

Overall, Gold Watch was both impressed and unimpressed by what he saw on the shelves.  The appliances and pots looked simple and functional.  He knew a lot of unicorns in Canterlot who would never allow themselves to be seen with some basic serving platter or tea kettle.  But the prices were cheap, and finding everything in one place was convenient.

Or almost everything.  He couldn’t find a coffeemaker.

He turned to one of the store’s workers, easily identified by their blue vests.  “Do you sell coffeemakers here?” Gold Watch asked.

“We don’t,” the worker replied.  “As I understand it, there’s not a lot of demand in Ponyville for coffee.”

“That’s too bad,” Gold Watch said.

“There’s a shop in town that sells coffee and tea, I think.  I would recommend looking for it.”

“Okay, thanks.  Looks like I’ll need to make another stop this morning.”





Gold Watch asked around town, finding somepony who could direct him to the tea and coffee shop.  He found it in one of the home-shop combinations, next to a florist, a candy shop, and a shop that sold tools and pencils.  As soon as he entered the shop, his nose was assaulted by many aromas, including one particularly heavenly scent.

He followed his nose to one side of the shop, where baskets with roasted coffee beans were arranged.  It might only be a small portion of the shop, but it was honest-to-Celestia coffee.

“Good morning sir.  Can I help you find something?”

Gold Watch turned to face the shop owner, an older earth pony mare with a yellow coat and two-tone green mane.  Her cutie mark was a leaf; given her shop, he guessed it was a tea leaf.  “Yes.  I just moved to town, and I apparently need to learn to make my own coffee.”

“I thought you might be new to town.  I’m Green Tea, and welcome to my shop.”

“Gold Watch.  Have you lived here long?  Do you know why coffee isn’t popular here?”

“I’ve lived here all my life,” Green Tea said.  “Ponyville is an earth pony community, with all the stubbornness that implies.  The town has always prided itself on being self-sufficient, and on top of that, it was pretty isolated, even being near Canterlot.  It wasn’t until thirty years ago that the railroad arrived.

“Coffee and tea both had to be carried to town by traders.  The town’s founders made do with herbal tea, either from what they grew on their farms, or harvested from the Whitetail Wood.  Pretty much every family had their own blend.

“So, by the time coffee and traditional Canterlot tea came to town, there wasn’t a lot of interest.  But I’ve been seeing a bit more interest as more ponies move here, especially those ponies who lived in Canterlot.”

“I think you figured me out.  I lived all my life in Canterlot.  It’s hard to imagine not having tea and coffee every morning.”

“Please take a look around.  I have a variety of coffees and teas, plus I stock some of the local herbal tea blends, if you’re interested in trying them.”

“I’m a coffee stallion,” Gold Watch said.  “I’d like a recommendation on a roast, preferably a dark roast, and I’ll also need a coffeemaker.”

“I’ll give you a sample of four of my coffees,” Green Tea said.  “As for a coffeemaker, try this one.  It’s powered by magic, so it doesn’t require using your stove.  Do you need a coffee grinder too?”

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he replied.  “I gotta tell you, this was easier when somepony else made the coffee.”

“Yes, but the first cup you make will taste that much better,” Green Tea said, packing up the coffeemaker, coffee grinder, and coffee beans.

“If I don’t screw it up,” Gold Watch said.  He took the package.  “Thanks for your help,” he said.

“Please come back anytime!” Green Tea responded.





“Hey, did you notice something when you came in?” Colgate’s hygienist, Snow Glimmer, asked her.

“No,” Colgate said.  “What am I looking for?”

“The last office got rented while you were in Canterlot!”

“Really?”  The office at the end of the hallway had been empty the entire time Colgate had had her office in the Ponyville Professional Building.  “So who’s the new tenant?  What profession?”

“I’m not sure.  I didn’t get a good look.”

Colgate noted that she had ten minutes before her first patient arrived.  “I’m going to introduce myself,” she said.  "I’ll be right back.”

Colgate trotted down the hallway, finding a unicorn stallion trying to direct a pair of burly earth pony movers.  He looked tense, and winced every time the crates on their backs shifted.  Knowing that her own dental equipment cost more than she made in three years, she understood his concern.

“Now gently set them down in the interior room!” the stallion said.  When he heard the crates being set down without the sound of something breaking, he exhaled loudly.

“Good morning,” Colgate said.

“Oh, hi,” the stallion said, turning to face her.  He had a pale yellow coat and purple mane, with a cutie mark of a pair of eyeglasses, but Colgate’s attention was drawn to the extremely thick eyeglasses he wore.  They made his eyes appear comically large.  “I’m Sharp Eye, optometrist,” he said, extending his hoof.

Colgate couldn’t help but chuckle on hearing his name.  She stifled her laugh and shook hooves with the newcomer.  “I’m Colgate.  I have the dentist office down the hall.”

“Nice to meet you.”‘

“Likewise, Sharp Eye,” Colgate replied, another chuckle escaping her mouth.

“I get that a lot,” he said.  He levitated his glasses off his eyes and rested them in his mane, behind his horn.  “But my name actually fits.”  Sharp Eye slowly walked down the hall until he reached a window.  He stared out the window.  “See that tall building?”

Colgate walked up beside him and looked.  “That’s town hall,” she said.

“I see seven black birds on the roof,” he commented.

Colgate squinted.  She could barely see some black specks.

“Three are ravens and four are crows,” Sharp Eye added.

Colgate’s jaw dropped.

Sharp Eye levitated his glasses back into place.  “I’m farsighted.  My distance vision is fine, excellent actually, but I can barely see my hoof in front of my face without my glasses.”

“Oh.  I just always thought that, you know, glasses were glasses.”

“You’re probably familiar with reading glasses.  Same principle, just less powerful.  Actually, I don’t mind my awful vision.  Most ponies who need glasses get them when they’re still foals, and I think having a doctor with glasses makes it easier for them to accept the change.”

“I wish it was that easy to make foals like visiting the dentist,” Colgate mused.  “Anyway, I better get to my first appointment.”

“It was nice to meet you, Colgate,” Sharp Eye said.

“Likewise,” she replied.





“Well, that’s it for the day,” Colgate said to her hygienist.  Her last patient for the day had paid and departed, so all that was left was to clean her equipment and close the office.  She discarded her mask and washed her hooves.  As she was drying them, the bell above her office door rang.

“Somepony looking to make an appointment?” Snow Glimmer wondered.

“Could you see who that is?” Colgate asked.

A few moments later, Colgate heard Snow Glimmer call, “It’s for you.”

She walked out of the office to see her visitor.  “Oh, hi, Dad.”

“I thought you might like to talk before dinner,” Gold Watch said.  “We didn’t have much time over breakfast.”

“Sure,” Colgate said.  “Just give me a few minutes to put away my equipment.”

Once she was finished, Colgate led her father to the park.  There were plenty of ponies around, enjoying the fine summer afternoon.  Colgate and Gold Watch took a seat on one of the benches.

“Did you get everything you needed for your house?” Colgate asked.

“I picked up some things from Barnyard Bargains, found a place that sells coffee, and got some food from the farmer’s market.  I’m sure I’ll realize I forgot something as soon as I get home,” he replied.

Colgate laughed.  “Reminds me of setting up my home here.”

Gold Watch quietly watched the ponies in the park.  There were foals engaged in sports, families walking around, and the occasional older pony relaxing.  As he watched the foals, he sighed.

“Something bothering you, Dad?” Colgate asked.

“It’s nothing,” he replied.

“Dad, I see you watching the foals.  I don’t want to hear any hints about grandfoals from you.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then you’re thinking back to your job,” Colgate said.

Gold Watch simply shrugged.

“Dad, you promised to talk about it.  And I know this is bothering you.  You never talked about your job with Mom.  When you got together with your co-workers and their families, I saw the way the spouses carefully talked about everything but that.”  Colgate paused.  “I noticed you taking to your fellow cops when you thought nopony was listening.  And now you don’t have that release.  Please, if something’s still bothering you, talk to me.  I’m not a filly.  I understand that there are bad ponies in the world; I don’t need you to shelter me.”

Gold Watch sighed.  “Fine, you want to know what’s bothering me?  It’s an unsolved case.”

“Do you have many unsolved cases?” Colgate asked.

“More than we’d like to admit.  But not much bothers me after forty years on the force.  If some bank robber took his ill-gotten gains and fled to some Celestia-forsaken island in the Mareibbean Sea, well then, I dare say Canterlot’s a better place for it.”

“You’re not answering my question, Dad.”

“The one crime I investigated and couldn’t solve, the only one that really bothers me, is the Las Pegasus murder and foalnapping.”

“It sounds vaguely familiar,” Colgate said.  “Tell me about it.”

“One day, a young couple from San Caballo took a vacation to Las Pegasus, taking their year-old foal with them.  They were reported missing three days after they were supposed to return.  Their foal is missing and presumed foalnapped.  The parents were... found.”

“I take it that’s not a good thing.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “Las Pegasus is one of the largest pegasus cities, but it’s built a reputation as a city welcoming of all ponies.  Some areas of Las Pegasus—the Strip, downtown, the military base—are enchanted so that the clouds are solid to anypony, even without a cloudwalking spell.  But it’s still a requirement that everypony visiting receive a spell, just in case.

“We searched for the missing ponies, but we didn’t start soon enough.  We didn’t find them in time.  The parents had been killed and then buried in the clouds at the edge of town, normal pegasus surface clouds.  When the cloudwalking spell wore off... well, even the most hardened cop couldn’t keep his lunch down when he saw the resulting crime scene.”

Colgate blanched.  “That doesn’t sound pleasant.”

“You asked, kiddo.”

“I asked because I care about you, Dad.  If it’s still bothering you, you know, there’s a psychologist working in my building.”

“The department had a shrink on staff.  I never needed to talk to her.  What’s bothering me is more along the line of, what did I miss?”

“You investigated a crime in Las Pegasus?” Colgate wondered.

“Detectives from across Equestria got involved.  It was that serious a crime.  But there was almost nothing to investigate.  If I were planning a crime like that, there’s no better place than Las Pegasus.  There are so many visitors, an unfamiliar pony is hardly an unusual sight.  And then concealing the bodies so they’d fall?  It destroyed any physical evidence.”  Gold Watch sighed.

Colgate sat quietly, watching the ponies in the park.  “Maybe you do need to talk to somepony,” she finally said.

“I already explained-”

“You were reminded of the crime by seeing these foals, right?” Colgate observed.

Gold Watch nodded slowly, a tacit admission that his daughter was onto something.  “You missed your calling, Colgate.  You would have made a fine detective.”

Colgate chuckled.  “I’m happy with my job, Dad.”

“That’s good.  Look, I’ll think about it.  That’s all I’ll promise.  As for now, I’m getting hungry.  Would you care to come and make sure some old stallion doesn’t burn down his new kitchen?”

“I’d be glad to, Dad.”


> Chapter 3: Settling In
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 3: Settling In





The knock on the door came at exactly 8:30 AM.  Gold Watch opened it, greeting his daughter.  “Just let me get my bag of bits, and I’ll be ready to go.”

The pair headed to Sugarcube Corner.  It was the first time Gold Watch had visited the bakery on a Saturday, and he observed the subtle differences.  Sure, the same three ponies were working, and the shop was as busy as normal.  But the way ponies interacted while there was different.  Outside, ponies enjoyed their free time, talking and doing whatever their hearts desired.  That included, apparently, a pegasus content to bounce a ball on her head.

Colgate chose a raspberry scone and asked for half of it to be wrapped to take home.  Gold Watch selected a carrot cake muffin, which he fully anticipated would be the best he ever ate, given the name of the stallion who owned the shop.  With one bite, he determined it was.

“So how are you settling in?” Colgate asked.

“Pretty good.  I’m still not sure what to do with all this free time.  I’m learning about timber wolves right now, but I can only take each of those classes once.”

“A hobby?” Colgate suggested.  “You know, I don’t even know what you did with your free time after Mom passed.”

“To be honest, I threw myself into my work,” Gold Watch admitted.  “When I was with my fellow cops, I could forget that I was alone, at least until I returned to my empty apartment.”

“So, definitely a hobby.  What would you like to do?”

“There are some planter boxes by my windows, and a garden box out back.  Maybe I could try gardening?”

Colgate chuckled.  “You’re in an earth pony town, and you want to grow your own food?  Whatever floats your boat, Dad.”

“I’m just glad I’m not busy.  Busy would imply troubles.  I knew this town would be quiet.”

“Well, there were a few things that happened since you got here,” Colgate noted.

“Let’s see.  A cow stampede and some bad muffins.  Those are the kind of problems I can live with.  It sure beats bank robbers and foalnappers.”

“There was also the falling cargo a few days ago.  Somepony could have been hurt!”

“And I’m glad nopony was hurt,” Gold Watch said.  “There aren’t many pegasus delivery companies in Canterlot, but there’s a saying, one overturned cart can shut down an entire district.  It looks like Ponyville didn’t even notice.  It’s nice not having to worry for once.”

Colgate picked up her wrapped scone and tucked it away.  “Well, I’m glad you’re happy, Dad.  I need to get to my errands.  I’ll see you later.”

“I have some shopping of my own.  Take care, Colgate.”

The two ponies departed Sugarcube Corner.  Gold Watch turned to head to his favorite shop, thinking about how smoothly everything had been going.





“What do you mean you’re out of coffee?”

“Sorry, Gold Watch,” Green Tea said.  “My order was in one of the crates that got dropped a couple of days ago.  The replacement order will take another week to arrive.”

“Now what am I going to do?” Gold Watch asked.

“You could buy some tea to hold you over,” Green Tea suggested.  “I have samples of the Grey Cloud blend here.”  She poured some tea into a small cup.

“That was a rhetorical question,” Gold Watch said.  “But thank you for the offer.”  He sipped from the offered cup.

“What do you think?”

“It has a pleasant bitterness.  But it’s still tea.”  He set down the cup.  “Your shop is wonderful, Green Tea, but I’ve spent my life drinking coffee.  I don’t think anything’s going to change me.”

“Well, you can’t blame a mare for trying.”

“I’ll see you in a week, then,” Gold Watch said.

“Take care.”





Gold Watch headed to the marketplace.  At once, he felt dozens of ponies appraising him, looking to see if he was a potential customer or just a browser.  After glancing over a few carts of foodstuffs, they had deduced what he was shopping for.  That’s when the calls began in earnest.

“Plump, ripe tomatoes!  Fresh picked!”

“Crisp daisies!”

“Get your carrots here!”

“Delicious apples, fresh from the orchard!”

Carrots sounded good, so Gold Watch headed over to the cart.  It was definitely the same cart; the less weathered wood patching one side was distinctive.  But this time, there was a mare behind the cart, instead of a stallion.

“See something you like?  How many bunches do you want?” the mare said.

“Probably one bunch.  Let me examine them first.”

Gold Watch inspected the carrots, lifting several bunches from two different parts of the wagon.  They looked good, as he expected, but more importantly the carrots were of consistent quality.  A salespony who didn’t try to dump off her inferior product first was one he liked to deal with.  As for the encouragement to buy more than he needed?  He’d just have to deal with that.

He was about to select a bunch of carrots when somepony asked “What’s that?”  Gold Watch looked around, and then up.  From a distant mountain, thick smoke could be seen.

“Is there a fire?” one pony asked

“Are we in danger?” another said.

“It doesn’t look like a fire to me,” Gold Watch said.

A pegasus flew into the marketplace.  “Hey, everypony, Twilight Sparkle has news about the smoke!” he shouted before quickly flying off.

The carrot-selling mare kicked a couple of levers on her cart.  Wooden panels covered the carrots and secured them.  “Better go see what’s going on,” she said as she locked the wheels of the cart.  All around the marketplace, ponies were securing their carts.

“Sorry I couldn’t buy any carrots today,” Gold Watch said.

“This will probably be quick.  I’ll head back as soon as Twilight Sparkle’s done talking.”  She chuckled.  “Figures I’d be in town when something funny happens.”

“As opposed to the stallion I’ve seen with your cart?  Your husband?”

“Yeah,” she replied.  “Ponyville is perfectly quiet anytime he’s in town.”

“It seems pretty quiet to me.”

“You must be new here,” she replied.

“I am.  I’m Gold Watch, by the way.”

“Golden Harvest.  Or call me Carrot Top.  Everypony else does.  And don’t worry, Ponyville isn’t as boring as you think.”  She pointed a hoof upward.  “Case in point.”

The two ponies walked in silence as they joined the growing crowd.  Golden Harvest maneuvered them to a spot on the bridge; they had a clear view.  They spotted Twilight Sparkle up ahead, carrying a letter in her magical aura.  “Listen up!” she shouted over the crowd. “Smoke is spreading over all of Equestria.”

“I think that’s obvious,” Golden Harvest muttered.  Worried words echoed through the crowd.

“But don’t worry; I’ve just received a letter from Princess Celestia informing me that it is not coming from a fire.  It’s coming from a dragon.”

That got the crowd talking.  Fortunately, Princess Celestia had tasked the Elements of Harmony with encouraging the dragon to leave.  But after they left, the ponies in the crowd were still shuffling on their hooves nervously.

Gold Watch recognized the sight.  Ponies who witnessed crimes or other tragedies would often react negatively.  Really, any bad situation could trigger a reaction.  In large groups, this could cause a panicked stampede.  He shook his head and pushed to the center of the crowd.

“All right, everypony, it’s time to return to your daily business and stop worrying,” Gold Watch announced.  “Or worry if you want, but it won’t make a difference.”

“But it’s a dragon!” one pony protested.

“A hundred years of smoke!  You heard Twilight Sparkle!”

“Look, everypony, dragons aren’t some monster out of the Everfree,” Gold Watch said.  “They’re thinking creatures, just like ponies.  Sending somepony to talk to them is exactly what we should be doing.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” somepony shouted.

“Then we escalate the issue until we find something that works.  If necessary, Princess Celestia herself will intervene.  So, again, there’s no point to worrying.  I suggest we all go out and take advantage of the unexpected shade!” Gold Watch suggested.  “How about it?” he added with a smile.

Gold Watch kept a smile on his face as he watched the crowd.  The murmuring died down.  Slowly, ponies began to disperse.  He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Is that true?” Golden Harvest asked.

“Yes, for the most part.  I might not have the details right, but dragons are one of the serious matters that will get Princess Celestia involved if necessary,” he explained.  “Princess Celestia wants her little ponies to run their own lives, but part of that is understanding when she needs to intervene.”

“Do you think Twilight Sparkle and her friends will succeed?”

“That I don’t know,” Gold Watch admitted.  “But they did free Princess Luna from her nightmare.  Now, I still have to buy some carrots.”

“Right.  My carrots aren’t going to sell themselves!”

Returning to the marketplace, the various sellers were quick to reestablish their carts.  The familiar sounds of haggling returned, though quieter than before, as if the ponies in town were afraid of attracting the dragon’s attention.  More than a few nervous glances were cast upward.

“Do you sell seeds?” Gold Watch asked Golden Harvest.  “I mean, not now, but come next spring?”

“Sure.  A lot of ponies enjoy gardening.”  Golden Harvest looked at his horn.  “But do you really want to wait all year for a harvest?”

“Miss, I’m retired.  I have all the time in the world,” Gold Watch replied.  “At least, for growing vegetables.”

“Yet another reason why carrots are superior to apples.  You don’t have to wait years for them to grow!” Golden Harvest said, raising her voice noticeably.

Over at the next cart, the large red stallion tending to a sizable supply of apples nodded.  “Eeyup.  Can’t argue with you there.”

“You’re no fun, Mac,” Golden Harvest teased.  She turned to Gold Watch.  “Applejack’s better at the give and take.”

“Well, you two have fun,” Gold Watch said.  He paid for his carrots and headed home.  He wasn’t worried about the dragon.  But his smoke was beginning to irritate his sinuses.





Gold Watch spent the day puttering around his home.  He still had a number of boxes full of old belongings to put away.  In one, he found old photo albums.  Lifting it out with his magic, he settled onto his couch and flipped through it.  He shook his head as he saw the young stallion he once was, and the mare who had never stopped being beautiful.  And there was Minuette, back when she was just a filly.  The album chronicled her milestones.  Her first spell.  Standing proudly with her mother, saddlebags packed, on her first day at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.  A bunch of pictures of Minuette with one of her classmates, Lyra Heartstrings.  Playing some game with her old foalsitter, Cadance.  A picture from her cuteceañera, wearing a cute lavender dress that showed off her brand new cutie mark.

The time between photos started to stretch out.  There were few pictures of Minuette as a young mare.  Gold Watch recalled how he threw himself into his work, and consequently grew apart from his daughter.  The photo album still had a dozen blank pages, with nothing to fill them.

Gold Watch stored the photo album on a bookshelf.  He opened his shutter and checked outside.  The smoke was still hovering over town.  But at least he had gotten used to the smell.  Though he couldn’t see the position of Celestia’s sun in the sky, he knew it was 5:30.  He didn’t feel like making dinner, so he headed into town.

Ponyville’s streets were sparsely populated, compared to the average Saturday evening.  Either fear or discomfort kept most ponies inside.  The cafe Gold Watch headed to was similarly empty.

“Good evening, sir,” the waitress said.  “Just one?”

“Yes.  Could I get a table by the window?” Gold Watch requested.

“You can have as many tables as you want,” she replied, leading him to a table.  “What would you like to drink?”

“A cup of coffee, please.”  He didn’t normally drink coffee in the evening, but since he wasn’t able to have any that morning, he decided to make an exception.

Gold Watch lingered in the mostly empty diner, picking at his salad and daisy sandwich.  From where he sat, he had a clear view of the mountain where the dragon was sleeping.  He watched the smoke lazily drift from the peak.

After an hour, Gold Watch thought he spotted a break in the smoke.  Sure enough, the gap grew; smoke was no longer pouring out of the cave.  Whether or not that meant the Elements’ mission was a success remained to be seen, but things looked hopeful.

“Worried about that dragon?” the waitress said.

“I think things are going to be okay,” Gold Watch replied.  “Guess we’ll know in a few hours.”

“Need any more coffee?”

“No, thanks.  Just the bill.”

Gold Watch paid and left the diner.  On his way home, he noticed a familiar older mare; she turned to approach him.

“Good evening, Madame Mayor,” Gold Watch called.

“Likewise, Gold Watch.  I just wanted to thank you for helping with the crowd today.”

“Just doing what I was trained to do, ma’am.”

“You kept calm at a time when ponies were inclined to panic.  That’s something we don’t see enough,” the mayor said.  “Like I said, Ponyville could use somepony like you.”

“And like I said, I’m retired.  But retired or not, I’ll do my best to keep everypony safe.”  He paused.  “May I ask what brings you out tonight?”

“It looks like Twilight Sparkle and her friends were successful in dealing with the dragon.  I’m spreading the word to the pegasi in town to meet at dawn to help clear away the smoke.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “A wise decision.  I don’t want this smoke to hang around any longer than it has to.  And speaking of smoke, I think I want to get out of it.”

Mayor Mare nodded.  “Good night, Gold Watch.”





Gold Watch returned home, spending the evening with a good book.  It was late when the coffee finally wore off and he felt ready to turn in.  He contemplated his first major Ponyville crisis.  Things weren’t bad at all, he thought.  There was just one problem remaining.

He was still out of coffee.

> Chapter 4: Swarm
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 4: Swarm





Colgate levitated her pick and mirror back to their place on her tool tray, then pulled off her mask.  “I’ve finished your cleaning.  But you have a cavity, so we’ll need to schedule an appointment to fix it.

Colgate’s patient crossed her forelegs.  A scowl crossed her pink muzzle.  But her pink patient today wasn’t the one she knew had to be in desperate need of dental care.  Rather, she was a blank flank filly with a violet and white mane.

“Now, Diamond Tiara, your cavity is on the side of one of your molars.  That tells me that you’ve been neglecting to floss.  Remember, you need to brush twice a day, and floss every day.”

Diamond Tiara harrumphed.  “Flossing is a big bother.”

“It’s easy.  Just make it part of your evening routine,” Colgate said.

“Easy for you to say.  You’re a unicorn,” Diamond Tiara said.

“When I was a filly, I used my hooves to floss, just like you.  Let me show you how.”  Colgate reared and rested her barrel against the sink.  She took the end of the floss in her pastern, and looped it around her fetlock several times.  With the container still gripped in her other pastern, she pulled the floss tight.  “See?”

Diamond Tiara frowned and looked away.

“Now, Diamond Tiara, if you want your smile to be as pretty as you are, you have to take care of your teeth.  Don’t you want to be pretty?”

She smiled.  “Daddy always says I’m the prettiest filly in town.  So I should be the best me I can be!”

“Even if you have to floss?”

“Even if I have to floss.”

“Good.  Now, here’s your toothbrush and a fresh container of floss.  I’ll expect your father to set up another appointment within a week.  Okay?”

“Sure thing, Miss Colgate,” Diamond Tiara replied.

Colgate escorted her patient out of the office.  At the same time, Sharp Eye was doing the same with his patient, a bespectacled gray filly of the same age as her patient, with a spoon cutie mark.  The two fillies greeted each other with a peculiar dance and the phrase “Bump, bump, sugar lump, rump!”  They chatted amiably as they departed, Diamond Tiara complaining about how unfair it was that she got a cavity.

“Are you closing down for the day?” Colgate asked Sharp Eye.

“Yes, isn’t everypony?” he replied.

“Probably.  It isn’t every day that Princess Celestia visits!”

“Has she visited Ponyville before?” Sharp Eye asked.

“Not in the time I’ve been here,” Colgate said.  

“She probably has more time to get away from Canterlot now that Princess Luna has returned.”

“Or she may be coming because her favorite student is in town,” she noted.

“Possibly.  So, how are you helping out?” Sharp Eye asked.

“I’m going to help with putting up the ribbons.”

“Me too!”

“I’m going to grab a quick bite to eat first.  You want to join me?” Colgate asked.

“Sure.  Sounds good!”

A few minutes later, Colgate and Sharp Eye sat down with their hayburgers.  In the middle of chewing her burger, Colgate paused and stared.

“What’s wrong?” Sharp Eye asked.

“I just realized what this looks like.  I really hope my father doesn’t pass by.”

“We’re just two colleagues having lunch,” Sharp Eye said.

“That’s not what my father wants to see.  You know how parents are,” Colgate said.

Sharp Eye sighed.  “I sure do.”





Gold Watch was getting ready to go help with the arrangements for Princess Celestia’s visit when he heard a knock on his door.  He wasn’t expecting his daughter to stop by, and if she closed down her office at the same time as every shopkeeper today, there wasn’t enough time for her to make it to his house.

He opened the door cautiously, but smiled as he saw a familiar face, the pink mare from Sugarcube Corner.  “A good morning to you, Miss Pinkie Pie.”

“Hiya, Gold Watch!  Can I borrow your harmonica?”

Gold Watch stared at her, perplexed.  “I don’t have a harmonica.”

“But I thought all cops played harmonica.  Oh, wait!  You must have been one of those cops who would periodically break into a song and dance routine with the rest of the police department!”

The confused expression remained on Gold Watch’s face.  “Pinkie Pie, that sounds like the worst idea ever.”

“It was!” she chirped.  “Well, sorry to bother you.  I know there’s a harmonica somewhere in town!”  And with that, she trotted off.

“Well, that was weird,” Gold Watch muttered.





“That’s not going to end well,” Sharp Eye said as he and Colgate walked through town.

Colgate glanced over to where her friend was looking.  “The banner?” she asked.

“Yes.  The letters that mare is writing are too large to fit the full message.”

“It’s a good thing we still have a day to fix things, then,” Colgate said.

A mare spotted the two of them, and trotted up.  “Hey, Colgate, Sharp Eye!  Glad you could help,” she said.  Mint Pastel was a confectioner, but the ribbons tied in her mane showed everypony what task she was organizing today.

“We’re ready to help with the ribbons,” Colgate said.

“All right then.  Follow me.”

Mint Pastel’s candy shop had been repurposed for the day.  Spools of ribbon, aqua and royal purple, covered every surface.  Four ponies were using hooves and magic to tie the purple ribbon into bows.

“The plan is to use the aqua ribbon to decorate the trees as well as the roads.  The purple is being used for bows,” Mint Pastel explained.  ‘We have pegasus volunteers handling the trees, but we need more hooves on the roads.  Can you help?”

“Of course,” Sharp Eye said.

“Likewise,” Colgate added.

“Great.  Now, we want to cover the main road, both to the east and west, starting from the town square and working out.  I want you both to take a spool of aqua ribbon and a box of the bows.  Colgate, you take the west, starting from the bridge over the stream.  Sharp Eye, you go east.  When you run out, come back for more supplies.  I’m sure you know how to tie the ribbons, since every single time we decorate the town, we use the same style.”

“Of course,” Colgate replied.

Sharp Eye looked to Mint Pastel.  “I’m afraid I’m new to town,” he said.

“Just think Hearth’s Warming decorations and you’ll get the idea,” Mint Pastel said.

“Ah.”

The two ponies departed, heading in opposite directions with their ribbon.  Already, ponies were busy at work, cleaning the streets, tending to flowers, and putting up decorations.  Colgate waved to some friends as she walked past.  She was a bit disappointed not to be working alongside her office neighbor; this would have been a good time for them to talk.

“Or maybe not,” she thought, as she again found herself using her mouth to force an unruly ribbon into place.





Gold Watch walked into the town square.  The town was abuzz with activity, reaching a level that almost approached a slow Sunday in Canterlot.  He quickly scanned the crowd, looking for someone who might be in charge.  He finally found a blue earth pony stallion, who was passing out tools and sending out ponies.

“Good day.  I’m looking to help out,” Gold Watch said.

“Of course!  Everypony is welcome,” the stallion replied.  “Are you new to town, sir?”

“Yes.  I moved here about two months ago.  And please, I’ve had thirty years of ponies calling me sir.  Just call me Gold Watch.”

“I’m Noteworthy,” the stallion replied.  “We could use more hooves handling the cleanup.”

Gold Watch looked around.  Several ponies were tending to the roads and lawns with brooms and rakes.  Compared to the parts of Canterlot his job took him to, this part of Ponyville was positively immaculate.  “Things look pretty clean to me,” he said.

“‘Pretty clean’ isn’t good enough for the Princess’ favorite student,” Noteworthy said.  “She wants everything to be perfect.  And I don’t want to see Twilight Sparkle upset.”

“Why not?”

“I heard the last time she got upset, she lost control of her magic and burst into flames.”

“Really?  I mean, I know of that incident when a dragon appeared in Princess Celestia’s school, and a few others over the years, but that was a long time ago.”

“Let’s just say that I know the type.  In the music world, there are some conductors who have perfection envisioned in their mind, but the standard they set is simply too high.  When the inevitable off key note happens, everything falls apart,” Noteworthy explained.  “The reaction is always a lot worse than the error which triggered it.  Now picture the same reaction, but with a unicorn possessing legendary magical ability.”

“That’s why you’re working so hard?” Gold Watch asked.

“Actually, no.  It’s an honor that Princess Celestia is visiting Ponyville, and I would also like the visit to be perfect.  But let’s be honest.  She wouldn’t be visiting if it weren’t for Twilight Sparkle’s presence.”

“I suspect Princess Celestia will be making official visits more often, now that Princess Luna has returned,” Gold Watch commented.  “But I have to agree.  She’s coming to Ponyville first because of Twilight Sparkle.”  Gold Watch picked up a broom with his magic.  “Now, where can I help?”

“How about Town Square?  There are a few ponies there already, but the more we have, the quicker the cleaning will go.”

“All right,” Gold Watch said.

Gold Watch joined the group of ponies sweeping the well-packed earth of Town Square.  As it was a simple task, he had plenty of time to think.  Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns was good at protecting Canterlot from the problems caused by skilled but young unicorns, who frequently experienced magical surges.  Still, when something happened, ponies noticed, and that led to calls to the police.  Rarely did these calls require anything more than calming the populace.

During the last ten years of Gold Watch’s career, the name Twilight Sparkle was known as Princess Celestia’s personal student.  To the police officers of Canterlot, she was also known as the filly ultimately responsible for many of these calls.  When she failed, she failed big.

Gold Watch decided he wanted to see how Twilight Sparkle had changed.  Would she be a good leader of ponies now?





Following an afternoon of hard work, Ponyville was spotless and looking festive.  Gold Watch watched a number of ponies bringing in foodstuffs.  Fruits, vegetables, sandwiches, and desserts were placed on a mismatched assortment of tables.  He hadn’t noticed any of these ponies working in town that afternoon, which made sense if they were busy preparing food to share.

Gold Watch selected a daisy and cucumber sandwich and nibbled on it as he wandered around the tables.  He nodded and stopped by the Cakes’ table.

“Why are these cakes sliced into such irregular shapes?” Gold Watch asked.

“It’s a funny story, that,” Carrot Cake said.

“We had a few of our desserts... rendered unsuitable to serve at the big event tomorrow,” Cup Cake added.  “So we decided to save what we could and share it with all you hard-working ponies.  Thanks for helping, Gold Watch.”

“Just doing my part, ma’am,” he replied.  “If you’ll excuse me, there’s somepony I want to meet.”





Colgate was happy with the length of ribbon she had placed throughout the town.  Everypony was ending work for the day, and a growl in her stomach told her it was just in time.  She wandered over to carts laden with food.  The carts were familiar from the marketplace, but this time, they were sharing their bounty.

She stopped at the Goldens’ cart.  Golden Grain was there.  Rather than the normal bundles of carrots they sold, he had spread individual carrots across the cart’s surfaces.

“This looks like a perfect snack,” Colgate said.  She reached out with her magic to pick up a carrot, only to feel somepony else’s magic fighting her, an orange aura fighting with her own blue.  They both stopped at the same time, and Colgate looked up to see Sharp Eye.

He laughed nervously.  “Sorry about that.”

“No, sorry, I should have noticed you.”

“I’m the one with the good eyes.”

“Relax, you two.  There are plenty of carrots for everypony,” Golden Grain said.

“I’ll take this one,” Colgate said, pointing to the carrot nearest her.  Sharp Eye nodded, and this time, they took their carrots without a fight.  “So you’re a carrot fan too?”

“Of course,” he replied.  “They’re good for the eyes, after all.”

“And for the teeth as well,” Colgate said.  “I remember when the school cafeteria put ‘Edible Toothbrushes’ on the lunch menu.  I was a little disappointed to see that they were just carrots.”

Sharp Eye’s keen vision allowed him to see a stallion approaching the carrot cart.  But he wasn’t looking for this particular stallion, and didn’t pay him any special notice until he spoke.  “How are you doing, Colgate?”

Colgate winced before putting a smile on her face.  “Hi, Dad.”

“Who’s your friend?”

“This is Doctor Sharp Eye.  He just set up shop in my building.  Sharp Eye, this is my father, Gold Watch.”

“Gold Watch.  Gainfully retired,” he said, offering a hoof.

“A pleasure to meet you, sir,” Sharp Eye replied, shaking his hoof.

Gold Watch looked over the new arrival.  He looked like a decent unicorn, even if horribly farsighted.  The way his daughter had emphasized the word doctor in her introduction suggested she wanted to portray their relationship as strictly professional.

He decided he would tease Colgate about her new coltfriend later.

“Let’s grab a table,” Colgate suggested.

The various tables in the town square were donated for the evening by the local businesses; Gold Watch recognized the tables of at least two of the cafés he frequented.  They took a seat on the hay bales surrounding one table.

“How did your ribbon tying go?” Colgate asked Sharp Eye.

“It was harder than it looked.  Those ribbons are nearly impossible to manipulate with magic,” he replied.

“I know!  I don’t know how Rarity does it.”

“Rarity?  Isn’t she one of the Elements of Harmony?” Sharp Eye asked.

“Yes, but for years, I knew her as the local clothier.  Watch her the next time you get an outfit made.  The fine manipulation she can do with her telekinesis is incredible.”  She turned to Gold Watch.  “How about you, Dad?”

“My telekinesis is nothing to write home about.”

“Dad, I meant how did your day go?”

“That was a joke, Colgate,” Gold Watch said.  “I just helped with some sweeping.  The town looks great, don’t you think?”

“Sure does,” Colgate said.

“I can’t wait for Princess Celestia to arrive,” Sharp Eye said.  He looked around.  “Did either of you see those strange creatures today?”

Colgate shook her head.

“What strange creatures?” Gold Watch asked.

“I have no idea.  They were small, maybe the size of a golf ball.  Two pairs of insect-like wings, big eyes, and they looked fluffy, kind of like a dandelion puff.  I spotted a weather mare, I think it was Rainbow Dash, with one, and a couple of other ponies as well.”

“Is that one of the monsters from the Everfree Forest?” Gold Watch asked Colgate.

“If it is, it’s not one I’ve heard of,” Colgate said.

“It looked too cute to be a monster,” Sharp Eye added.

“Remember what I always said, Colgate.  Appearances can be deceiving,” Gold Watch said.

“Relax, Dad.  I’m sure everything will be fine.”





It was mid-morning on the next day when Gold Watch returned to town.  He immediately noticed the strange creatures Sharp Eye had talked about.  There were a lot more of them.  One buzzed around his mane and tried to brush against his face.

“Shoo,” he said, brushing the little pest away with a forehoof.  They were cute, but Gold Watch wasn’t a pet kind of stallion.  He was the one who had to put his hoof down when Minuette begged for a kitten.  Sure, there were practical problems with keeping a pet in a Canterlot apartment, and that explanation was good for his wife, but he just didn’t want to deal with the mess.  Coughing up hairballs?  He shuddered.

The creature, still flying near him, started coughing.  It then hacked an impossibly large hairball, which landed on Gold Watch’s nose.

“Like I was saying,” he muttered as he scraped the mess off his face with his hoof.

Gold Watch stared as the mess quickly dried off.  Four wings shook free, and two big eyes opened.

Reproduction through magical cloning?  He shuddered at the implication, but for now, he just wanted to get indoors.

He headed to a café, arriving just after his daughter.  “Would you two like a table outside?” the hostess asked.

“Yes,” Colgate replied.

“Actually, we should eat inside,” Gold Watch said.

“But it’s a beautiful day,” Colgate protested.

“Just trust me on this, Colgate,” Gold Watch said.  “But we’ll take a seat by the window.”

The hostess took the two ponies to their table.  They reviewed the menu, and placed their order as soon as the waitress arrived.

“So what’s going on, Dad?” Colgate asked.

“You know those creatures Sharp Eye talked about?  They’re everywhere, and they’re pests.”

“I saw them.  They were cute,” Colgate said.

“Cute or not, they worry me.  They’re multiplying, Colgate.”

“That still doesn’t explain why we’re eating inside.”

“Just a hunch.  Even a magical creature needs energy to reproduce, and the most logical source of that energy is food.  Let’s watch.”  Gold Watch looked out the window.  On the other side of the street was another cafe; a pair of ponies were enjoying an early lunch.  One looked very familiar to the stallion.  “Is that your friend, Lyra Heartstrings?”

Colgate nodded.  “She’s not really my friend anymore,” she said.  Upon seeing that look on her father’s face, she continued.  “I mean, we’ll still say hello to each other, but we grew apart years ago, after we got our cutie marks.”

“You were so close.  You used to call her Ly-Ly.”

Colgate pressed her hoof to her forehead.  “Dad, you need to stop living in the past.  We outgrew foalish nicknames long before we started hanging with different crowds.  I have new friends now.”

“Like your new coltfriend?”

“He’s not my coltfriend!”

“Why not?  He’s nice, a professional....”

“We just met, Dad.  He moved to town the same week as you did,” Colgate said.

“You’re not too young to think about settling down.”

Colgate opened her mouth to protest, but the waitress chose that moment to bring them their food.  Rather than risk saying something she would later regret, she chose to focus on her omelet.

They ate in silence for a while.  At one point, her father put down his fork and was staring out the window.  She looked as well.  Outside, a swarm of those cute puffballs was attacking Lyra and Bon-Bon.  In less than a second, the creatures consumed their lunches.  Poor Lyra was driven to tears.

“Hungry fellows, aren’t they?” Colgate said.  “Looks like they’ll eat anything.”

“Yeah.”  Gold Watch pushed his plate away.  “Sorry, but I just remembered something I have to do at home.  I’ll look for you in the town square.”

“Uh, sure, Dad,” Colgate said.

Gold Watch kept a brisk pace as he galloped home.  The creatures were absent from his neighborhood.  He opened the door to his house, and breathed a sigh of relief as he found things undisturbed.

He opened the cupboard and pulled out his bag of coffee beans.  He secured them in a metal tin and looked around for a place to secure his most valuable possession.  He looked out the window and smiled.

Heading outside, Gold Watch used his magic to dig a hole in the dirt of one of his planter boxes.  He dropped the tin in the hole, and pushed the dirt over it.  His task complete, he trotted back to town at a more leisurely pace.

Back in town, things were quiet.  Gold Watch found his daughter.  “What happened?” he asked her.

“A few ponies came through town, and herded those creatures into a giant ball of fluff.  I think the creatures were pushed back into the Everfree Forest.”

“Well, good.”  Gold Watch looked around.  “Looks like we need to clean up a little.”

“There were only a few things eaten.  It could have been much worse,” Colgate said.

Cleaning up turned out to be a greater challenge when everypony wasn’t organized to do so.  It took a lot of running around to find brooms and shovels.  But even with this haphazard effort, they made progress.  Gold Watch worked quietly alongside Colgate and Sharp Eye.

“Look, it’s Princess Celestia!” Sharp Eye said, pointing to the sky.  Gold Watch took his word for it; he could see a speck, but since that speck was in the direction of Canterlot, he assumed he was right.

Shortly after going back to work, Gold Watch’s ear perked.  “Is that...?”  He looked up, and another swarm descended on Ponyville.  This time, Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements of Harmony were in the middle of the mess.  Immediately, the creatures began to attack the remaining food.

“What do we do?  They’re eating all the food in town?” one said.

“My apples!” another said.

“We’ve got to do something.  I got it!  I’ll cast a spell to make them stop eating all the food!” Twilight Sparkle said.  Her horn glowed for several seconds as she cast a powerful spell.  Violet energy rippled over the creatures, and they stopped their eating.  They stopped everything.  The silence was eerie.  At least until Pinkie Pie appeared, saying something about tambourines.

Everypony ignored her and waited with bated breath as the creatures looked at the food.  If the creatures had noses, they would have turned them up.  But then they looked around.  One of the creatures opened its mouth impossibly large, and consumed an entire wooden bucket with an apple in it.  It then spit out the apple.

The creatures then swarmed the town, beginning to eat every inanimate object.  They even attacked ponies’ clothes and accessories.  Sharp Eye was swatting at the creatures with his tail and hooves, trying to protect his glasses.  Ponies began to shout and panic, punctuated by one mare shouting “Everypony for herself!”

“Please, calm down, everypony,” Gold Watch said.  “Calm down!” he shouted.  “These creatures are just hungry, but they aren’t going to eat us.  I don’t think we can save town square.  Seek shelter, preferably in your own homes.  If you’re wearing clothes, take them off.  Try to drive these creatures away physically if they start attacking your belongings.”

“Dad, you don’t need to do this,” Colgate said.

“Yes, I do.”

“Then I’m staying with you,” she said.

“Colgate, go protect your office.  I know how valuable your tools are.  I’ll be fine,” Gold Watch said.  “That goes for you, too, Sharp Eye.”

“I think he’s right,” Sharp Eye said, swatting another one of the pests.

Colgate walked away, but not without looking back at her father.





Ponyville was in crisis, and Gold Watch was in his element.  Decades of experience kicked in.  He projected an unnatural calm as he made decisions, gave orders, and worked to avoid making a bad situation worse.  

“Oh no, here she comes!”

Gold Watch looked up.  The one unusual thing about dealing with a crisis is that it made him lose track of time.  Seeing Twilight Sparkle and the others return, he paused and caught his breath.  He had been in crisis mode for forty-nine minutes.

The crisis was still there, of course.  More of the creatures followed Twilight Sparkle and her friends.  She was frazzled, having the appearance of a pony with nothing to lose, an expression he had seen on too many desperate criminals over the years.

“Okay, here’s the plan.  Rainbow Dash, you distract them,” Twilight Sparkle announced.  The pegasus flew by, screaming, pursued by the creatures.  “Good.  Everyone else, we need to build an exact copy of Ponyville right over there.  We’ve got less than a minute.”

Forty-five seconds, Gold Watch noted silently.

“Zecora was right.  We’re doomed,” she admitted.  “Oh no, the Princess’ procession is here!  It’s all over!”

Strangely, Gold Watch heard music, the kind a marching band might play.  He recalled that there wasn’t a parade on today’s schedule.  His unasked question was answered when he saw Pinkie Pie, marching as a one-pony band.  He immediately noticed that one of her instruments was a harmonica.

“Pinkie?  We’re in the middle of a crisis here!” Twilight Sparkle said.  “This is no time for your... nonsense?”

The creatures finally stopped flying around.  They seemed to be bouncing in time to the music.  The creatures lined up in front of Pinkie Pie and began hopping out of town.

Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements of Harmony followed Pinkie Pie out of town.  As for Gold Watch, he had to spread the word it was safe to come out.

“I hope Twilight Sparkle is never put in charge of anything,” he said to himself.

Gold Watch knocked on each of the nearby doors, spreading the word that all was clear, and asking the ponies inside to help spread the word.  That was standard Canterlot police procedure.  He then headed to find Colgate.  That was a father’s duty.





Not long after they had left, Twilight Sparkle and her friends returned, the librarian looking as if she had just finished a final exam.  Gold Watch observed the frazzled mare speak briefly to the mayor before heading off in the direction of her library.

Mayor Mare headed to the town square, the townsponies falling in around her.  Once they had gathered closely, she addressed the crowd.  “Princess Celestia has an emergency she must attend to in Fillydelphia, so today’s visit is canceled.”

“What were those things?” somepony asked.

“Apparently, they are rare creatures called parasprites.  Thanks to Pinkie Pie, they’ve been safely returned to the Everfree Forest.  Now, let’s take this opportunity to repair our town.  Everypony, gather what you can.”

The ponies sprung into action, some heading off, others gathering trash and loose boards.  “What’s going on?” Gold Watch asked Colgate.

“Everypony works together to help the ponies affected by whatever comes out of the Everfree Forest.  Once you live here long enough, you’ll know the drill.”

“Really?  This happens a lot?”

“Sure.  Some beast strays from the Everfree, stomps on somepony’s shop, and we all help them fix it.”  Colgate waved her hoof over the damaged town.  “It’s just normally not so, you know, widespread.”

“So what do we do?” Gold Watch asked.

“Ponies are gathering tools and raw materials.  They’ll be back soon.  Just follow somepony, and let the magic of harmony tell you what to do.”

Ponies often talked about the magic of harmony, but having spent his life in Canterlot, it wasn’t something Gold Watch had experienced.  “Might be nice,” he said.  “Hold on a minute, Colgate.”

Gold Watch trotted over to Mayor Mare.  “Madame Mayor, if you’re serious about establishing a police department here, why don’t you take this opportunity to build a police station?  You know, add something to the guard post?”

”That’s a good idea,” she replied.  She scanned the crowd.  “Blueprint!” she called.

A blue pegasus stallion trotted over.  His cutie mark was a design in white lines, just like a blueprint.  “Yes, Mayor?” he asked.

“When you’re supervising the repairs to the guard post, can you direct the construction of a small addition to the building?”

“Sure.  I can use one of my standard designs.  What do you need?”

“Well?” Mayor Mare asked Gold Watch.

“For a town like this?  You won’t need more than two offices, I think, plus a floor area where a hoofful of ponies can work.  And don’t forget a place for the coffee machine.”

“Only the essentials?” Mayor Mare asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Coffee is essential to police work,” Gold Watch stated.

“Very well.  Blueprint, I trust you to have matters in hoof,” the mayor said.

By this time, ponies were returning with carts of bricks and mortar, wooden beams, hardware, and tools.  Supplies were distributed into other empty carts.  Then the townsponies gathered into small groups, heading off to various buildings in need of repair.  Gold Watch found himself drawn into one of these groups, the one Blueprint was in, and walked towards the guard post, almost without thinking.

The guard post was a building of sturdy stone with barred windows and a shingled roof.  The parasprites didn’t appear to have had a taste for stone.  But the wooden door and part of the roof was eaten.

As a song played in Gold Watch’s heart, and the hearts of everypony around him, he fell into the rhythm.  As he helped hammer together the wooden frame of the building extension, he watched the pegasi in his group replace the wood of the roof, add tar paper, and finally nail down fresh shingles.  To one side, an earth pony and a unicorn worked together to construct the new door and attach its hardware.  Once one frame was built, the larger earth ponies and pegasi grabbed ropes and pulled the frame into position.  Boards and plaster were quickly added to the extension.

And then, they were done.  It didn’t take long, and it didn’t even feel like work.  Working together, the ponies of Ponyville had restored the guard post and expanded it.  Gold Watch felt a feeling in his hooves, an urge to move, and he followed.

Now in a smaller group, Gold Watch joined in as the ponies made repairs to other shops and residences.  The damage here was smaller, a missing shutter here, a half-eaten sign there.  Repairs were simple: do a quick fix, and then move on.  After the repairs, everypony would be able to stay safe from the elements, but paint and other decorative fixes would have to wait.

Gold Watch frowned as he saw the damage to the plants as well, from the parasprites’ first attack.  Trees were missing leaves, bushes had large holes in them, and planter boxes were empty.  It was the latter that make Gold Watch the most upset; he had come to appreciate the beautiful and fragrant flowers that seemed to adorn every home in town.  Other than his own, of course.

Speaking of his own home, the group of ponies he was with was heading to his neighborhood.  In his desire to make sure everypony was safe, he hadn’t thought about his own home.  Fortunately, the damage was getting more sporadic the further they traveled from the heart of Ponyville.

After a few more repairs, he finally spotted his own home.  He immediately noticed something was off.  He quickly surveyed the details.  Chimney, present.  Roof, intact.  Door and windows, good.  Shutters, present.  Then he noticed the asymmetry of the two windows.

One of his planter boxes was gone, almost completely eaten, with only a few chunks of wood still attached to the wall.

It was the planter box where he had hid his coffee.

“Oh, come on!” he screamed.

A friendly hoof tapped his shoulder.  “Don’t you worry, friend.  We’ll fix your house.”

“It wasn’t the house I was worried about,” Gold Watch grumbled.

> Chapter 5: Autumn
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 5: Autumn





Gold Watch walked through the door of Sugarcube Corner, the little bell chiming.  Cup Cake was at the counter, humming to herself as she stocked the case with fresh pastries.  “Good morning to you, Gold Watch!” she greeted him.

Cup Cake’s joy was contagious.  He couldn’t help but smile as he looked over the case.  The scones looked tasty as ever.  His eyes were drawn to the row of strawberry scones, next to the row of blueberry scones.  They were drizzled with icing, as normal, but the icing was tinted with food coloring, pink and blue.  That was the first time he had seen the bakery do that.

Gold Watch smiled.  “I think that somepony has some wonderful news!”

“Oh, yes!  We’re expecting!”

“Congratulations!  When are you due?” Gold Watch asked.

“The middle of next summer,” Cup Cake replied.

“Have you thought about the foal?”

“Yes.  I’m hoping for a filly.  Carrot wants a colt.  But most of all, we want her to be healthy.”

“You know, you could both be right.”  Upon seeing Cup Cake’s confused expression, he clarified.  “Twins?”

“Twins are such a rarity.”  She smiled.  “But wouldn’t that be something?”

“To celebrate, I think I’ll have twin scones.  One blueberry and one strawberry, please.”

Cup Cake nodded and placed the pastries in a paper bag.  Gold Watch paid and headed outside, looking to enjoy a quiet breakfast.  He pulled out the two pastries, and lifted the blueberry one to his mouth.

“Daaaaad!”

Gold Watch gently lowered the scone.  “Good morning, Colgate.  Would you care to join me for breakfast?”

“Two scones, Dad?”

“It’s a special occasion.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to eat both now.”

“You know I’m just worried about you, Dad,” Colgate said.

“I appreciate it, but I still feel fit as a fiddle.  I could still be working now, you know.”

Colgate smiled.  “If you’re confident about that, then perhaps you’d be up for a race?  The Running of the Leaves is coming up.”

Gold Watch raised an eyebrow.  “What’s that?”

“Just a little run through the Whitetail Wood, to ready the forest for winter.  I’m sure a fit stallion like you could beat little old me.”

“I’m glad we’re in agreement,” Gold Watch said.  “When is the run?”

“This weekend,” Colgate replied.

Gold Watch replied with a confident smile, the kind he used when facing down criminal ponies in the interrogation room.  Make them think you know you’re going to win, and they’re more likely to slip up.  “I’ll do it.”  But this time, he wasn’t sure if he had what it took.

Colgate nodded.  “You missed an interesting show last night,” she said.  “You should have been there.”

“But I thought you hated it when I pointed out just how the performer’s tricks worked,” Gold Watch said.

“You mean you didn’t hear?”

Gold Watch looked around.  “It doesn’t look like anything happened.”

“There was an Ursa Minor in town.  Let’s just say it wasn’t part of the show.  Fortunately, it was a baby, and Twilight Sparkle was able to calm it and send it back to its mother.”

“That mare is something, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.  Well, I’d better get to work.  I’ll see you this weekend, Dad.”

“Have a good day, Colgate.”





Gold Watch wandered Ponyville.  His natural pace was slower than he remembered.  He wondered how he would be able to handle this run.

He didn’t know the first thing about the race, not even its length.

His hooves carried him to the market, where familiar faces greeted him.  Stopping by the Goldens’ cart, he nodded to Golden Harvest.  “How are you today?” he asked.

“Pretty good.  Looking for some carrots?”

“I’ll take a bunch.  So what’s this about a Running of the Leaves?”

Golden Harvest smiled as she exchanged a bunch of carrots for two bits.  “Best time of the year!”

“I take it you’re a racer?”

“Every year!”

“Do you ever win?” Gold Watch asked.

“It’s not one of those races where anypony makes a big deal about who gets first.  But I’m normally in the top ten.  It helps that Big Mac doesn’t race.”

The red stallion at the apple cart nodded.  “I’m not much into competin’, ma’am.”

Gold Watch mentally translated Golden Harvest’s response.  No, she has never won.  “How long is the race?” he asked.

“About six miles, give or take.”

Gold Watch winced.  It had been years since he walked a beat, and he regularly rested long before reaching six miles.  “I’m thinking of running with my daughter.  I might be biting off more than I can chew, though.”

“Run, walk, who cares?  It’s for fun.  But the view is better when you’re in the front of the herd.”

“Most of the leaves will already be gone by the time an old stallion like me gets there?”

Golden Harvest stomped her hoof.  Gold Watch could feel the vibration.  “Yes, we do our job well.”

“Thanks for your advice, Golden Harvest.  I think I’ll go for a little run myself.”





With the Running of the Leaves so soon, Gold Watch had little time to prepare.  He couldn’t even get a letter off to Dawn Runner in Canterlot, looking for advice.  All he could do was jog around town a few times.  The aches in his legs from the first run were mostly gone, to be replaced with a dull throbbing and a pain in one knee.

To be honest, his only hope for beating his daughter was that dentists didn’t get a lot of exercise either.

The day of the Running of the Leaves was an ideal fall day.  The morning’s temperature was crisp, but the clear skies promised that the sun would drive away the chill.  There was only a slight breeze, just enough to make the leaves rustle.

A large crowd of ponies was milling on the edge of the forest.  A hot air balloon hovered overhead.  Gold Watch spotted Golden Harvest, talking to an unfamiliar earth pony mare with a cutie mark of linked horseshoes.  The easy friendships the ponies of Ponyville enjoyed were a marked contrast to living in Canterlot.

While looking for Colgate, Gold Watch bumped into another mare.  “Hello, Green Tea.  Are you running today?”

“Me?  Oh, dear Celestia, no.  I’m just taking the opportunity to collect some herbs before the leaves fall.”  She motioned to her saddlebags; leaves and branches poked out of the top.  “Are you running?”

“Yeah.”

She wrinkled her muzzle.  “You never struck me as a runner.”

“I’m just doing it to spend time with my daughter, and show her that I’m still fit and healthy,” Gold Watch said.

“Well, you two have fun.  I’m just going to watch the race.”

Exactly ten minutes before the start time of the race, Colgate arrived, finding her father right away.  “Hi, Dad!” she called.

“Ready to run?” he asked.

“Sure am!”  Colgate stretched, but Gold Watch didn’t think her stretching looked anything like proper form.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t remember much of what he learned from Dawn Runner, so he did his best to limber up.

“Now what?” Gold Watch asked.

“I think we get numbers soon.”

The crowd started murmuring and moving around.  It looked like volunteers were passing around numbers, in a rather disorganized fashion.  Colgate and Gold Watch waited until somepony approached, and they joined several other ponies in surrounding the volunteer.  The unicorn levitated pairs of cloth squares with numbers painted on them.  Gold Watch followed one of the pairs as it was pressed to his flanks.  The corners of the cloth had patches with a material that felt like burrs.  He twitched his flank as he tried to get used to the itchy feeling.

Gold Watch noticed something unusual, a pegasus (Rainbow Dash, if he recalled correctly) having her wings tied down.  “What’s going on over there?” he asked Colgate.

“Some grudge match, I think.  Applejack and Rainbow Dash are racing each other, and it wouldn’t be much of a race if she could fly.”

“It also wouldn’t do much to help get the leaves off the trees.”

It was several minutes past the start time of the Running of the Leaves when Mayor Mare attracted everypony’s attention.  After a brief speech, the ponies pushed to the start line.  From the balloon, a pink mare and dragon gave the traditional starting cue.  “Get set, go!”

Gold Watch and Colgate took off, and soon found themselves near the back of the pack, outpacing only one pony, Twilight Sparkle.  But from their position in back, they were evenly matched with each other.  The path was already covered with leaves, and they crunched under their hooves.

“Ever see anything like this before, Dad?” Colgate asked.

“Not a lot of trees in Canterlot,” Gold Watch replied.  “But I do remember one autumn trip, with my parents.  I was probably eight years old.  We went to Whinnypeg, and spent some time in a cabin out in the woods.  It must have been just after they felled their leaves.  Jumping into piles of leaves sure was fun.”

Surprisingly, the two ponies were about to pass Applejack.  She was on her haunches, apparently after falling, and she looked none too happy about it.

“Look at that!  We’re faster than Applejack!” Colgate said.

“Don’t count on it.  I bet she tripped.”  Gold Watch surveyed the trail, seeing potential hazards in roots, stumps, and rocks.  It was even harder to notice them with the leaves on the ground.

Applejack ran past the two ponies, moving fast enough to create a noticeable breeze in her wake.  “And there she goes,” Gold Watch said.

A few minutes later, Colgate called out, “Look, Dad!  There’s a pile of leaves!”

But before he could even contemplate jumping in the leaves, the mound rose up, revealing Rainbow Dash, apparently another fall victim.  “That’s why you don’t run for speed on a natural trail,” Gold Watch said.  Back on the force, he picked up a few details about the special tracks runners raced on from Dawn Runner.  And once again, the athletic pegasus soon passed the two not-so-athletic unicorns.

The runners left one wooded area, coming across a beautiful waterfall and stream.  “Up ahead’s the Whitetail Wood proper,” Colgate said.

“I never suspected there was such beautiful scenery here,” Gold Watch observed.

“I’m kind of glad most of the ponies in Canterlot look down on Ponyville.  Keeps places like this secret.”

Shortly after entering the Whitetail Wood, Gold Watch and Colgate spotted Rainbow Dash again.  She was resting against a sign, but the way she was standing caught Gold Watch’s attention.  Something about her body language was suspicious, reminding him of countless criminal suspects.  But whatever she was doing, it almost certainly wasn’t illegal.

“Why is she standing there?” Colgate asked.

“I don’t know what she’s doing, but if she keeps doing it, even we are going to beat her.”

Just like before, Rainbow Dash passed them.  And once again, Gold Watch and Colgate passed her further down the road.  They were in a patch of maple trees, which somepony had tapped to collect their sweet sap, and Rainbow Dash’s hooves were stuck in a puddle of sticky sap.  She pulled against the surprisingly elastic sap.

“Colgate, if you hear a whistling noise, I suggest ducking,” Gold Watch quipped.

Sure enough, Rainbow Dash soon flew overhead, flung by the recoil from the sap.  They heard the sound of a scuffle up ahead.  The forest was thinning, and Gold Watch spotted a colorful banner ahead.  He wanted to comment about how it was a bad idea for Applejack and Rainbow Dash to start something so close to the finish line; it would allow everypony else to pass them.  But he was breathing far too hard to say anything more than “Bad... idea.”

Gold Watch’s heart pounded.  His legs burned, and a sharp pain in his side told him to just stop running.  But he wasn’t going to lose to his daughter.  He looked over, and saw she was similarly suffering.  The large crowd of ponies they had been behind was beginning to spread out.

To add insult to injury, the one pony who had been consistently behind them, Twilight Sparkle, surged ahead of them.  It looked like she had conserved her energy, and was pulling ahead of the many ponies like them who had been running all out.

As the finish line came into view, Gold Watch couldn’t even spare the energy to turn his head and check on his daughter’s position.  He tapped into his reserves, telling himself there was a criminal up ahead that he needed to apprehend.  His body wasn’t listening, however.  He was nearly at a walk when he stumbled over the finish line.

He finally looked, and saw Colgate sprawled on the ground, panting heavily.  Gold Watch forced himself to walk, remembering that that’s what a runner should do after a race to recover.  He suspected his current movement resembled a zompony from a cheesy horror film.  But until his breathing returned to normal, he didn’t care.

Finally, when he didn’t feel at imminent risk of collapsing, he walked over to one of the race volunteers.  “How did I do?” he asked.

“Um, we’re really not sure.  We stopped counting after eighth place, because we only have medals for first through eighth,” she replied.

“But did I beat Colgate?”

“Uhh... you kind of looked like you tied?” she replied sheepishly.  “But at least you weren’t last.”

“Then who’s last?”

The pony pointed a hoof towards the finish line.  A tumbling mess of orange and light blue rolled over the finish line.  Applejack and Rainbow Dash started arguing with each other over who was first.  They were so devoted to their individual competition that they didn’t notice everypony else was already there.

“Last!?” both exclaimed.

Gold Watch smiled and walked over to Colgate.  “You feeling okay?” he asked.

“I’ve felt better,” Colgate wheezed.

Gold Watch knelt next to her.  “I think we both could stand to get in better shape,” he said with a chuckle.  Then he glanced upward.  “Dear sweet Celestia,” he muttered.

Flying in from the direction of the Whitetail Wood was Equestria’s elder princess.  She glided to the ground, landing near Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle.

Everypony bowed.  Dear sweet Celestia, indeed.

Princess Celestia spoke with her little ponies.  Judging by their condition and the way she motioned to the trees behind her, it was probably a gentle lecture about their behavior, and how it contributed to an incomplete Running of the Leaves.  And just like that, she departed.

A few minutes later, Mayor Mare trotted up.  She searched the crowd, a perplexed look on her face.

Gold Watch arose and walked over to the mayor.  “I’m sorry; it looks like you just missed Princess Celestia.”

“But my speech, and the official paperwork!” she protested.

“I’m sure Princess Celestia has plenty to do, and only had time for the briefest of informal visits,” Gold Watch said.  In fact, he wondered if she was looking for an excuse to avoid the mayor’s long speeches.

“Oh.”  Mayor Mare looked crestfallen.

“But look at this way, Mayor.  Out of all the towns in Equestria getting ready for winter, Princess Celestia chose to visit here.  That’s got to be worth something, right?”

“I guess.”

“It was a nice race, and I’m glad I joined it this year,” Gold Watch said.  “Have you ever thought about turning this into a real race?”

“Not really.  What do you mean by a real race?” Mayor Mare asked.

“There would be some more organization, a few bits for prizes, a grouping of ponies by age, stuff like that.”  Gold Watch was suddenly aware of how little attention he had paid to Dawn Runner.  “Look, I know somepony you could talk to.  Point being, an organized race would bring racers from across Equestria to participate.”

Mayor Mare placed a hoof on her chin.  “We could use some tourism.  I’d like for Ponyville to be known for something other than Nightmare Moon and monster attacks.”

“Good.”

“And Ponyville could still use a police chief.”

“Sorry, ma’am, I’m retired.”





The next day, Gold Watch walked slowly into Green Tea’s shop.  “Good morning, Gold Watch!” she called.

“Good morning, Green Tea.”

“I have your order ready,” she said, holding a paper bag in her hoof.

“But I’m not out of coffee yet,” Gold Watch replied.

“I noticed you survived the run yesterday.  How are you feeling today?” she asked.

“Stiff.  Sore.  I don’t think I’m going to do that again.”

“That’s why I put together this order.  It’s willow bark tea, which is wonderful for soothing aches and pains.  It’s my biggest seller after the Running of the Leaves.”

“I don’t know,” Gold Watch said hesitantly.

“I appreciate the company, Gold Watch, but once you said you’re hurting, I’m going to do something to help.  I don’t want to leave one of my favorite customers in pain.  If it helps, think of it as medicine, not tea.  A medicine that’s perfect to sip on a chilly autumn day, hot and sweetened with a bit of molasses.”

“So now you’re dispensing medical advice without a license?” Gold Watch said with a smile.  “I might have to arrest you for that.”

Green Tea smiled back.  “Can’t.  You’re retired, remember?”

Gold Watch placed some bits on the counter.  “You drive a hard bargain, Green Tea.  I’ll take your medicine,” he said, emphasizing the last word.

“Have a nice day!”

Gold Watch departed the tea and coffee shop.  He had to admit, Green Tea saw through him.  His sore muscles bothered him even more while sitting around, so he had walked into town.  And he stopped in her shop because he just wanted a friendly face with whom he could complain about his aches and pains.

“Look at me.  I really am becoming an old stallion,” he muttered.

But he had to admit it was nice that Green Tea was ready to help him.

Even if it meant drinking tea.


> Chapter 6: Home for the Holidays
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 6: Home for the Holidays





Gold Watch took a seat on a bench outside a small office building at precisely five o’clock in the afternoon.  The winter air was chilly, but the sweater he wore helped him stay warm.  He watched the front door of the office building.  He estimated he would be waiting for between twenty and twenty-five minutes.

Twenty-two minutes and twenty seconds later, Colgate exited via the front door, after having spent a fairly average amount of time cleaning her office.  Gold Watch rose and trotted over to his daughter.

“Hi, Dad,” Colgate said.

“Hi, Colgate.  You don’t have any plans for the holidays, right?”

“Nothing special.  I just took care of my last customer for the year.  Typically, I use this time to catch up around the house.”

“And typically, I worked.  I kept watch at the station and let the others spend time with their families.  But that’s not an option anymore.”  He gazed off into the distance, toward the high mountain peak where Canterlot stood.  “I wanted to spend this year doing something I haven’t done for years.  I want to enjoy a proper Canterlot Hearth’s Warming.  And I’d like to celebrate it with you.”

Colgate pondered his offer.  She enjoyed spending some time alone.  Or, rather, that’s what she always said.  Her mind brought her back to the first Hearth’s Warming she remembered spending without her father.  She was eight, and her father was probably taking his turn working on the holiday.  But all she remembered was how wrong it felt to not have him at the head of the table at dinner.  She recalled leaving a gift unopened until her father returned.  And then, when she returned to school, she was regaled with stories of her classmates’ Hearth Warming celebrations.

There was a lot she never got to do.

“Okay,” Colgate said.

Gold Watch hugged his daughter.  “Thank you.”





As natives, Gold Watch and Colgate knew that Canterlot always goes all out when decorating for Hearth’s Warming.  This year was no exception.  Every shop had evergreen boughs over the door or glowing candles in the windows.  Each lamp post was decorated with red and green ribbon.  A light dusting of snow decorated the rooftops, while being carefully removed from the cobblestone streets.

Gold Watch idly wondered how the city dressed itself up.  He thought back to his volunteering to decorate Ponyville in advance of Princess Celestia’s visit.  He couldn’t imagine Canterlot unicorns dirtying their hooves like that.

“Let’s check into the inn first,” Gold Watch suggested.

The Cozy Hearth was aptly named.  A roaring fire in the hearth made the small lobby rather toasty, and Colgate took off her scarf.

“Reservation for Gold Watch,” the stallion told the innkeeper.

The innkeeper levitated a key to him.  “Welcome to the Cozy Hearth.  You’re in room 21, at the end of the hall on the second floor.”

As they walked up the stairs, Colgate thought about how long it had been since she shared a hotel room with her father.  It must have been some family trip, over the summer when she was out of school.  Her mother was still alive.  She must have been around ten.  Three ponies, in one room with two beds.

Colgate was relieved when she saw the room her father had reserved, a suite with two bedrooms.  “You must have reserved this room a while ago,” she commented.

“I did.”

“What would you have done if I didn’t agree to come with you?”

“I guess I would have had too much space.”

“What do you have planned?” Colgate asked.

“Tomorrow evening, at 6:30 PM, I have tickets to the Hearth’s Warming pageant at the Royal Theater.  The next day, we’re visiting my friend and fellow officer Dawn Runner at noon.  We’ll share Hearth’s Warming Eve dinner with him and his family.  Then we’ll take the 8:25 AM train home on Hearth’s Warming.  That will give us time to exchange gifts in Ponyville.”

“So, nothing on today’s schedule?”

“No,” Gold Watch replied.

“Then grab your jacket and scarf.  We’re going shopping.”





After five stores, Gold Watch was getting tired of doing nothing.  “Just what are you looking for?” he asked Colgate.

“I won’t know until I see it,” Colgate replied.

“Do you need me to, you know, stay outside one of these shops for a while?”

Colgate laughed.  “No, Dad, I have your gift.  Just like I know you have mine.  Don’t worry; I’m not going to peek at it.”

“Hiding your Hearth’s Warming gift before the day was one of the most fun parts of the holidays,” Gold Watch reminisced.  “It was your mother who knew the best hiding places.”

“Of course.  She was the one who took care of the house.”

The two unicorns stopped by a jewelry kiosk, selling mostly inexpensive charms.  “So who are you shopping for?” Gold Watch asked.

“A few of the ponies I know well.  I already have something simple for everypony, a hoofmade toothbrush holder.  But if I see something small that just screams a pony’s name, then I’ll pick it up.”  She lifted one charm off a shelf with her magic.  “Like this!”

Gold Watch looked at the item, ornamental gemstones in the shape of a carrot.  “For Golden Harvest?”

“Yes.  Every Friday night, she has a ‘date night’ with her husband.  And she always wears jewelry.”

“Really?”  Gold Watch tried to remember the farmer wearing anything that wasn’t practical.

“Yes.  But you’ve probably never seen her outside the marketplace.  Have you picked up anything for Green Tea?”

“I never really thought about buying anything for her.  I mean, I just buy coffee from her.”

“From the way you talk about her, it sounds like she helped you feel welcome in this town.  She didn’t just sell you coffee; she gave you a piece of home.  I’d say that’s worth something.”  Colgate passed the carrot charm to the pony at the kiosk, along with the bits to pay for it.  “When’s the last time you bought a gift for someone outside the family?”

“Every year, for the police station,” Gold Watch replied.

“Is that the gift swap you told me about?  The one where somepony opens a gift, then everypony after him either opens a new gift or takes one of the opened gifts?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, when’s the last time you bought a gift where you had to find something the recipient would like?”

Gold Watch thought, but finally had to shake his head.  “I don’t remember.”

“Then you need this shopping trip, too.  You’re a detective.  You should be able to detect a gift she’d like.”

As Gold Watch followed his daughter past shops and kiosks, he pictured Green Tea’s shop in his mind.  The section with the coffee was clear, but the rest was fuzzy.  He paid attention to the layout of the shops he visited, looking for similarities.  The position of the cash register.  The way goods were arranged.  Colors and shapes.

Finally, when he was browsing a stationery store where everything was arranged in plain and boring boxes, he recalled something.  Green Tea stored her goods in an eclectic assortment of wooden boxes.  They weren’t originally used to house tea.  Rather, she repurposed old boxes, from shipping crates to jewelry boxes.  Now that he thought about it, it gave her shop a charm of its own.

And now, he knew what to look for.

At a secondhoof furniture store, Gold Watch noticed a small chest.  A foal might use it to hold toys.  But he thought Green Tea could make good use of it.

All in a day’s work.





Colgate and Gold Watch stood outside the Royal Theater.  Around them, ponies, mostly families, climbed the steps to the theater’s grand lobby.  The foals were universally excited.  Their parents smiled, but a few of those smiles looked forced.

“Well, this ought to be fun,” Colgate commented.

“There were several years you asked to see the Hearth’s Warming pageant.  I was either working or... well, maybe there were some years I didn’t want to go.  I figure I owe you at least one more show.”

“It will be interesting seeing this show as an adult,” Colgate said.

“Or anypony older than ten,” Gold Watch added.  “It’s not like the story’s new.”

“That won’t stop the actors from adding their own embellishments,” Colgate said.  “So who’s doing the show this year?”

“Let’s go in and find out.”

The annual Hearth’s Warming pageant is an unusual performance.  Each year, a cast of amateur actors from one of Equestria’s towns puts on the pageant.  The basic story is so well known, from school history lessons, the poem The Dawn of Harmony, and frequent performances of the play, that one doesn’t need actors to keep the viewers engrossed in the story.  It was said that Princess Celestia loved each of the performances by her little ponies.

“Looks like the performers are from Fillydelphia,” Colgate said as she reviewed the marquee.  “Wait, all the actors are stallions this year?”

“Why not?  It’s pretty common to see mares play Commander Hurricane and Smart Cookie.  Even a few have tackled the role of Chancellor Puddinghead.”

“Yes, but it’s Princess Platinum,” Colgate said.  “Emphasis on the Princess.”

“Now I’m interested to see how he handles the role.”

The two unicorns walked into the theater, taking seats near the back.  The theater was about two-thirds full, with the show due to start in ten minutes.

Gold Watch looked around the theater.  “I see they haven’t remodeled it yet.”

“They were going to remodel?”

“No, look.  There are still two royal boxes.”

“I doubt they need three.  I don’t think Princess Cadance ever watches the pageant.  In fact, I’m pretty sure she was foalsitting for me during one of those performances.

“There are other plays,” Gold Watch noted.

“Let’s watch to see who shows up.”

Two guardponies walked into Celestia’s royal box one minute before the start of the show.  Without fanfare, Princess Celestia followed them in and took a seat.  She was smiling.  The other box remained empty.

A colt of about twelve stepped onto stage, taking the role of narrator.  The familiar tale played out, introducing the three factions of ponies.  The stallion playing Princess Platinum had a soft, rounded muzzle that gave him a feminine look, but it was his attitude and overdramatic acting that sold him playing the character.

At intermission, Gold Watch and Colgate headed out to get drinks.  “So what do you think?” Gold Watch asked his daughter.  “Is it everything you wanted as a filly?”

“I actually am enjoying it more as a mare.  There’s a lot of symbolism that I don’t think I would have noticed when I was younger.”

“Like what?”

“Like the headgear the three leaders wear,” Colgate said.  “The bulky helmet of Commander Hurricane would interfere with his ability to fight and fly.  Chancellor Puddinghead’s tall hat would never survive any physical labor.  And Princess Platinum is wearing enough metal to interfere with her spellcasting.  It shows both how far they’ve deviated from their races’ natural strengths and why they weren’t the leaders their races needed at that time.”

“I just can’t get past the others’ outfits.  I know it’s tradition, but Clover the Clever was a noble unicorn, and would never wear that simple outfit.  Smart Cookie’s outfit is from a few centuries after unification, and not even a private would wear such ineffective armor at that time.”

“It’s just more symbolism,” Colgate noted.  “It makes them more alike, and shows why they were the ones to discover the magic of friendship.”

“Ready to see the last second defeat of the windigoes?” Gold Watch asked.

“Of course.”





Gold Watch and Colgate walked along the snow-dusted sidewalks of one of Canterlot’s old residential neighborhoods.  There were houses here, rather than the more common apartments, but even then they were designed to maximize the use of space.  Three story, narrow houses stood in rows, with only small yards separating them from the street.  With so much of the city claimed by the old noble families, any remaining space had to be used wisely.

“Which pony is Dawn Runner?” Colgate asked.

“He’s the one who replaced me as detective,” Gold Watch replied.  “Earth pony, about ten years older than you, married, two foals.”

“But why did you want to visit him?”

“Because with anypony else, I’d probably be thrown out of the house before the appetizers were set out,” Gold Watch replied with a laugh.  “But seriously, we were close.  I’ve mentored a lot of ponies on the force, but he was most recent.  It was like having a son who followed me into police work.”

Colgate nodded.  She was again glad she chose to be a dentist.

They turned onto a side street, and Gold Watch referred to a folded piece of paper he was carrying.  He nodded and motioned to the first of the row houses on the left side of the street.

Gold Watch rapped on the door with his hoof.  A pale orange stallion answered the door.  He and Gold Watch shook hooves.  “Good to see you again, old man,” he said.

“Thank you for having us,” Gold Watch replied.

“Come in.  And you must be Min....”

“This is my daughter, Colgate,” Gold Watch interrupted.

“Nice to meet you.  Come on in, and let’s introduce you to everypony.”

They headed to the small living room, where an earth pony mare was setting out trays of food with a filly and colt underhoof.  The foals saw the new arrivals and ran up to meet them.  The mare followed them, too slow to stop the foals.

The foals focused on Colgate, greeting her with a barrage of questions and statements.  “Hi!  What’s your name?  Where are you from?  I really like your mane!”

Colgate just wanted to sit down.  Fortunately, she knew a good way to deal with the foals.  She leaned down, so she could look them in the eye.  She grinned, revealing her perfect teeth.  “Hello, you two!  I’m Colgate.  I’m a dentist.”

The two foals backed away, hiding behind their mother’s legs.

Dawn Runner rubbed his son’s head and spoke.  “Gold Watch, this is my wife, Warm Heart, my daughter, Ruby, and my son, Chaser.  This is Gold Watch, my mentor and recently retired from the force, and his daughter Colgate.”  He looked to his foals.  “I’m sure she didn’t bring her tools.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Colgate said.

“It’s nice to see you all again,” Gold Watch said.  “You’re getting so big!” he told the foals.

“You two run off and play,” Warm Hearth told the foals.  “I have to get back to the kitchen.  There are appetizers set out.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Dawn Runner asked.

“Beer,” Gold Watch replied.

“Do you have any red wine?” Colgate asked.

“We have a bottle of Cabernet.  It’s nothing special, I’m sure.”

“It’ll be fine.”

Drinks in hoof, the ponies sat around the living room, conversing while snacking on cheese and crackers, nuts, and poinsettias.  The conversation was rather banal, the kind casual acquaintances would make.  Colgate was reminded of her youth, the way her father and the other police ponies avoided talking about their work.  But then again, seeing the two foals in the room, she wasn’t eager to bring up the subject.

The conversation finally turned to a topic that interested Colgate.  “Well, I did run in a local race,” her father said.  “We both did.”

“Please don’t remind me,” Colgate complained.

“You, old man?  That couldn’t have gone well,” Dawn Runner said.

“We didn’t finish last, and that’s all I’m going to say on that subject,” Gold Watch replied.  “But there was something I was thinking.  What if the town ran the race like one of your races?  Do you think ponies would travel to Ponyville?”

“Tell me more about the race,” Dawn Runner said.

“It’s called the Running of the Leaves.  It’s a run to and through the Whitetail Woods, with the main goal of knocking the leaves off the trees.”

“How long?” Dawn Runner asked.

“About six miles,” Gold Watch said.

“That’s close to one of the standard race lengths.  I’d strongly recommend setting it to that length if Ponyville wants to run a competitive race.  Races over natural terrain aren’t favored by a lot of runners, since they’re typically slower.  But because of that, natural terrain races are underrepresented on the competitive running circuit.  I think you could get a lot of runners to visit Ponyville, but you need to get the word out right away.  Typically, these events are promoted more than a year ahead of time.”

“Then I’ll tell the mayor that.”

“You’re close to the mayor?” Dawn Runner said.

“It’s a small town,” Gold Watch noted.  “And she keeps asking me if I want to be the first police chief.”

“Ponyville doesn’t have a police force,” Colgate added.

“What did you tell her?” Dawn Runner asked.

“I told her I’m retired.”

“Did you mention you never wanted to be chief in Canterlot?”

“It didn’t come up,” Gold Watch stated flatly.

Warm Heart came in from the kitchen, carrying the Hearth’s Warming meal’s centerpiece stew, served in the traditional baked pumpkin.  “Dinner’s almost ready,” she announced.  “Ruby, Chaser, go wash up.”

The two foals scurried away, letting Warm Heart and Dawn Runner finish setting the table.  Plates of vegetables, baskets of bread, and various sauces were added to the spread.  Soon, all six ponies were seated at the table.

Dawn Runner, as host, lifted the “lid” of the pumpkin “pot” and ladled out the stew.  Gold Watch looked to see what was in the stew.  Each family made it differently, to their own tastes, with only vegetable broth and pumpkin as constant ingredients.  Dawn Runner and his family chose turnips, carrots, and raisins, a sweet approach to the dish.  He tried the stew, tasting a delicious blend of spices.  It sure beat his own attempts to cook this dish.

Following dinner, Gold Watch exchanged gifts with Dawn Runner and his family.  He had a bottle of carrot vodka for Dawn Runner, a teapot for his wife, and a pair of small cakes for the foals.

“Ruby, since you were so well-behaved, I’ll let you pick the bigger one,” he said.

Ruby grinned at her brother, and the two went off to inspect their treats.

“That should keep them busy,” Gold Watch said.  “I asked Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner to give me two cakes of the exact same size.  And as far as I can tell, they’re identical.”

“Good idea,” Dawn Runner said.  “Wait.  Did you say Pinkie Pie?”

“Yes, the Element of Laughter.  That Pinkie Pie.  She works in the local bakery and also plans parties.  The one thing she won’t do is make doughnuts.”

“Then I think you’ll appreciate my gift,” Dawn Runner said.  With a smile, he grabbed a large wrapped box and passed it to Gold Watch.  The unicorn picked it up with his magic, feeling something smaller shift inside the box.  He quickly unwrapped and opened the large box, and lifted out a box with a very familiar shape.

A box perfectly sized to carry a dozen doughnuts.

“I thought Pony Joe’s was closed this week,” Gold Watch said.

“He is.  But when I mentioned you were coming into town, he made you a dozen of your favorites, and placed a freshness spell on them.”

“Chocolate frosted with sprinkles?”

“But of course.”

Gold Watch grinned.  Colgate rolled her eyes, but then smiled.  It was the holidays.

“And for the dentist, something a bit healthier,” Warm Heart said.  She gave Colgate a loaf, wrapped in cheesecloth.  “Zucchini bread, sugar free.  My own recipe.”

“Thank you, Warm Heart,” she replied.

“Now that we’ve exchanged gifts, I say we retire to the living room, and have some coffee,” Dawn Runner said.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Gold Watch said.

“I know it won’t be the same without your mug, Gold Watch,” Dawn Runner noted.

“I think I’ll manage.”

The foals were soon put to bed, and the two families enjoyed polite conversation.  After a while, Colgate again noticed that familiar pattern her father had when talking with his police colleagues.  Finally, she decided to break the ice.  “Dad, aren’t you going to ask about how things are going at the police station?”

Gold Watch and Dawn Runner looked to Warm Heart.  “I don’t mind, dear,” she told her husband.

“Mostly, it’s the same bunch of troublemakers,” Dawn Runner said.  “The only unusual thing came right after Nightmare Moon and the return of Princess Luna.  Some ponies claimed to be committing their crimes in the name of the Cult of the Nightmare.”

“Never heard of it,” Gold Watch said.  “What kind of crimes?”

“Robberies.  Mostly of magical goods, but that doesn’t mean anything.”  Various restricted magical crystals and reagents were worth large sums of bits to the right buyer, and so could be stolen for resale as well as for personal use.

“Do you think there’s any cult?” Gold Watch asked.  “Or is it one crazy pony and a bunch of copycats?”

“It’s difficult to tell.  Normally, you can get a clue if there’s some consistency to the crime, a commonality that somepony on the street wouldn’t know.  But in this case, the newsponies did their job too well.”

“Makes me think it’s a copycat,” Gold Watch noted.

“What if there is a cult, but it’s not perfect?” Warm Heart asked.

“What do you mean?” Gold Watch asked.

“I’ve never heard of this cult.  Of course, I hadn’t heard of Nightmare Moon either,” she continued.

Gold Watch and Dawn Runner nodded.  As police officers, they had learned about a number of great threats from Equestria’s past, those threats that most of Equestria chose to let slip into history.

“So, do you think that a group of ponies could keep a cult secret for one thousand years, which pretty much means not writing anything down, and not lose something in the translation?” Warm Heart concluded.

“Only in stories,” Colgate said.

Warm Heart nodded towards a bookshelf.  “I’ve read a few of those stories.”

“You have a point, Warm Heart.  It’s probably just crazies,” Gold Watch said.  “Keep watching.  You can write me anytime you like,” Gold Watch told Dawn Runner.  “Can’t promise I’d be much help, though.”  He took a sip of coffee before continuing.  “Any word on... unsolved cases?”

Dawn Runner shook his head.  “Nothing new.”

The room was quiet.  The clinking of cups on saucers suddenly seemed as loud as cannon fire.

“So how is everypony at the station?” Warm Heart finally said.

“Good, good,” Dawn Runner responded.  “Hey, Gold Watch, I’ve got another classic ‘Chief’ story for you.”

“This I’ve got to hear,” Gold Watch said.

Colgate smiled as the mood in the room got lighter.  She was glad her father was talking about ponies, those ponies who were in many ways his family.





The next morning, Gold Watch and Colgate shared a light Hearth’s Warming breakfast in their inn’s dining room.

“I always feel guilty that we’re keeping the workers from sharing this day with their families,” Colgate observed.

“It’s nothing I haven’t done.  Comes with the territory,” Gold Watch noted.

“I’m happy to share this morning with you,” Colgate said.  She levitated a small box onto the table.  “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Dad.”

It was a simple wrapped box, but Gold Watch’s nose told him what was inside.  He opened the box, seeing three bags of coffee.

“I asked Green Tea for advice, and she said that after your first visit, you’ve been buying the same coffee each time.  So I thought I’d give you some variety,” Colgate explained.

“Thanks.  I’ll be sure to give it a try.”  Gold Watch inhaled the aroma of the coffee beans.  He had found a roast he liked, but was certainly willing to try these new beans.  After all, even bad coffee was coffee.  He then passed Colgate a small package wrapped in brown paper, about the size of a book.  “Happy Hearth’s Warming, my dear daughter.”

Colgate’s gift turned out to be a book.  She read the title.  “I had no idea something like this existed.”

“Neither did I, but when I went to the library, Twilight Sparkle mentioned that she once read a biography of the dentist Colgate.  She was able to track down a copy.  Since this mare was important enough for you to take her name, I thought you might like to read more about her.”

“Wow.  This is... wow,” Colgate uttered.

“And if you don’t mind, I’d like to read it one day, too.”

“Of course, Dad.”

Gold Watch finished his muffin.  “Let’s get checked out and head to the station,” he said.





Once back in Ponyville, Gold Watch headed home.  He stowed his trunk after retrieving his gift for Green Tea.  Seeing the chest sitting on his bed, he realized that he didn’t buy anything with which to wrap it.  He shrugged and wrapped it in a colorful blanket.

He donned his jacket and headed out into the chilly winter day.  The heavy blanket of snow over Ponyville was mostly undisturbed.  Many ponies were out of town; smoke drifted from only half the chimneys.

One home that was occupied was Green Tea’s.  He passed the door to the shop and headed to the back, where the door to her residence was located.  He knocked.

Green Tea opened the door, her curious expression giving way to a smile.  “Oh, hello, Gold Watch!”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Green Tea.”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming to you!  Please, come in.”

Green Tea’s residence was cozy, an adjective Gold Watch figured would never apply to his own cottage.  Seeing all her pictures and little decorative touches reinforced just how plain his home was.  The fireplace kept the room nice and toasty, and the smell of the wood fire and (unsurprisingly) tea filled the room.

“Would you like anything to drink?” she asked.  “I’m afraid the only thing I have that’s hot is Grey Cloud tea.”

Gold Watch remembered tasting that tea before.  It wasn’t bad, for tea.  “Because it’s Hearth’s Warming, I’ll share a cup with you,” he said.  Besides, he did want something to chase away the cold.

Green Tea headed to her kitchen, returning with another cup and saucer.  She poured him a cup.

“Thanks.”  He lifted his gift with his magic and pulled the blanket off of it.  “For you.”

“Oh, it’s adorable!” Green Tea exclaimed.  She took the chest in her hooves, inspecting its details.  “I think I know just what to do with this.”

Green Tea set the chest down on her coffee table.  Gold Watch mused that it had probably never held coffee.

“Wait here,” Green Tea said.  She headed off, deeper into her house.  A moment later, she returned, carrying a small chest on her back.

“I was going to package your next coffee purchase in this chest, but I’m happy to give you your Hearth’s Warming gift on the holiday,” Green Tea said.  “It has a little lock and key, so you can keep your most precious substance safe.”

Gold Watch laughed.  “Knowing this town, I wouldn’t even trust the vault of the First National Bank of Canterlot to keep my coffee safe.  Thanks.  This will be perfect in my kitchen.”

“How was your holiday?” Green Tea asked.

“It was nice.  I got to go home for the holidays.”  He recounted his visit to Canterlot.

“Spending time with friends and family?  That’s nice,” Green Tea said.  “You have a lovely daughter, by the way.”  She sipped her tea, staring out the window wistfully.

“Thanks.  How about you?  Any family?” Gold Watch asked.

“It’s just me here, ever since my husband passed away.  I don’t have much family left, just an aunt and three cousins.  But they’re on the other side of the continent, and so I rarely get a chance to see them.  I’m content to help all my friends in town, by being there to sell them the tea and coffee they’re drinking right now.”

“Still, it’s nice to visit somepony today,” Gold Watch said.

“Gold Watch, I open my shop six days a week.  On my day off, I’m often talking with my suppliers.  To have a day just to myself is a treat.”  She looked at her stallion friend.  “But you’re right.  It’s nice to visit with somepony on Hearth’s Warming.  Would you like another cup?”

“I’ll have another.”

Hot tea, a warm fire, and friendly conversation.  Enjoying Hearth’s Warming without the specter of Equestria’s worst elements was a marked change for Gold Watch.  Looking out the window at the sometimes sleepy town of Ponyville, he realized he was truly blessed to be home for the holidays.

> Chapter 7: Spring
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 7: Spring





Gold Watch sighed as he poured the last of the coffee into his grinder.  It wouldn’t be enough to make a cup worth drinking.  He dug around his pantry, hoping to find a forgotten bag of coffee beans.  Instead, he found the chest Green Tea had given him.

He had stored it away a month ago.  Seeing it brought up bad memories of a breakfast with his daughter on the third Monday of February.


“So how did you celebrate Hearts and Hooves Day?” she asked.

“Oh?  I didn’t have any plans.  Figured I’d leave the day to younger ponies.”

Colgate looked at him crossly.  “You’ve spent a lot of time with Green Tea.  Don’t you think she would have liked to spend the day with you?”

Gold Watch shrugged.  It was the wrong thing to do.

Colgate blew up.  “How can you treat her so callously?  She doesn’t deserve to be ignored on such a special day.”

“And I’m sure you spent the day with that optometrist.”

“He’s a professional colleague!”


The rest of that breakfast consisted mostly of angry stares and silence.

Gold Watch sighed.  She was so stubborn.  And he knew exactly where she got her stubbornness from.

But she was right.  He should have paid Green Tea a visit.

He retreated to his bedroom, and looked at a portrait on the wall.  It was from his twentieth wedding anniversary.  He looked so young in the portrait, still having color in his mane.  And Blue Opal....

Blue Opal always understood.  Gold Watch intuitively sensed every day on the calendar.  He knew when the day was a holiday, a birthday, or an anniversary.  But he didn’t get to choose the calendar of Gold Watch, the police officer.

Blue Opal understood.  The special days became all those they could spend together.  The days spent with little Minuette were rarer still.

And his feelings, the ones he had trouble putting into words... Blue Opal understood those, too.

He had told himself that he just didn’t need coffee.  That waving to Green Tea in passing was enough friendly interaction.

He regretted the missed opportunity.  He was no longer tied to a calendar of somepony else’s making, but he failed to take advantage of his freedom.

It took Gold Watch three days to realize that Colgate was right.  And then, it took three weeks, two days, and nine hours for him to do something about it.  It was time to stallion up.

Off in the distance, the Ponyville clock tower sounded the hour.  Make that three weeks, two days, and ten hours.





A thick blanket of snow covered Ponyville.  Gold Watch hated walking through the snow.  He missed how the ponies of Canterlot kept the street shoveled.  

He hadn’t needed to walk through the snow to see Green Tea.  The weather ponies had brought in warm weather around Hearts and Hooves Day, melting the snow.  There were several clear days before the snowstorms that would keep the streets covered with snow until spring.  He could have visited her then.

Gold Watch looked up at Green Tea’s familiar shop.  But he bypassed it and headed to the marketplace first.  He told himself that since he needed to visit both places, it didn’t matter in what order he went there.  

The winter marketplace was... well, it just wasn’t the same.  With the colder weather, ponies were less than thrilled to be outside.  The sellers, forced to stay in the cold for hours, were always a bit curter in their interactions.  And the selection, especially this time of year, was dismal.  He wanted fruits and vegetables fresh from the tree or garden, not retrieved from barrels in some farmer’s cellar.

He looked between Big McIntosh’s apple cart and Golden Grain’s carrot cart.  Both foods kept well in the cellar, but Gold Watch had another reason driving his decision to purchase carrots.  As he paid his bits and levitated two bundles of carrots into his saddlebags, he asked Golden Grain “How long have you been married?”

“About five years,” he replied.

“How did you meet?”

“It was family, you know?  My family knew her family, and they said ‘Golden, there’s this mare we think you’d like.’  So I went to Ponyville, we hit it off, and after harvest, we were married.”

“That seems rather fast,” Gold Watch observed.

“If you know something’s right, why wait?”

“Then how did you know it was right?  That she was the one?”

“Coming to Ponyville, the first thing I did was trot over to my wife’s farm.  I saw her in the fields.  She was facing away from me, picking carrots.  And that was one sight I could see myself returning to again and again.”  He nudged Gold Watch with his hoof.

Gold Watch was glad he wasn’t drinking at that moment, as he would likely have choked.  It was one thing to know intellectually that unicorns tended to be more reserved about their private lives, and Canterlot unicorns especially so.  It was another thing entirely to hear this Ponyville earth pony casually talk about his wife’s plot.

“You wondering if somepony’s the one?”

Gold Watch’s musings on the differences between ponies was interrupted by Golden Grain’s blunt question.  He stared off toward the horizon.  “Twenty-six years, three months, eleven days,” he stated.

“Huh?” Golden Grain replied.

“I had my ‘one’.  We were married that long.”

“Wow.  Wish I could help you there.  But if you ask me, there could be another one.  Mi Amore Cadenza is the princess of love, not the princess of math.”

Gold Watch chuckled.  “Princess of math?  Now that would be a sight to see.  Actually, there’s somepony who I could see in that position.”

“Don’t give Princess Celestia any ideas.”

“Thanks for talking to me, Golden Grain.  I’ve got some more shopping to do.”

“Good luck!” Golden Grain said.





Gold Watch took a deep breath and pulled open the door to Green Tea’s shop.  He kicked the snow and mud off his hooves, perhaps a bit more thoroughly than he normally did, before entering.

“Oh, hi, Gold Watch!  I missed you!   I mean, I have some new coffee for my best customer!”

Gold Watch walked by the coffee section, but skipped his browsing and went to the counter.  “I missed you too.  I should have stopped by even if I didn’t need coffee.”

“That day... it brings up memories, doesn’t it?”

“We never cared about the day itself.  Back when... we were together, I’d often be forced to work on a holiday.  But then I’d have a day off to spend with Blue Opal, we’d look at each other, and we just understood that this was our personal holiday.”

“That’s very sweet.  You miss her, don’t you?”

Gold Watch looked down.  “Oh, sweet Celestia above, I miss her.”

He didn’t know how long he was staring at his hooves, but a pleasant aroma caught his attention.  He looked at the steaming teacup.

“Mint tea.  It’s good for soothing the throat”

Gold Watch nodded and sipped the tea.  His throat was a bit sore, and not because of the weather.

“For me, most holidays are like any other day, a day to sell tea and coffee.  To be honest, Gold Watch, I’m happy to see you no matter what the calendar says.”  Green Tea smiled.  “But if there’s a day I’d most like to share with somepony, it’s Winter Wrap-Up.”

“I’m looking forward to the end of winter as well, but what’s so special about the start of spring?”

“What?  Oh, you’ve lived in Canterlot all your life,” Green Tea observed.  “In Ponyville, we wrap up winter in the earth pony way.  Everypony comes together and spends the day working to bring in spring.  Although recently, it’s taken two days....”

“I’m sure Princess Celestia would share her magic to help.  Especially now that Princess Luna has returned.”

“I’m sure she would as well, but this is tradition.  Don’t you have spring traditions?”

“A long time ago, maybe.”  He recalled his foalhood, watching as Celestia’s magic brought warm weather to drive away the snow.  His parents forced him to stay indoors until the snow had melted enough to reveal the grass of his lawn.  He watched with anticipation, and dashed out the door the moment he saw the first browned blade.  “I guess they haven’t been as important to me.”

“Then start a new tradition!  Why don’t you join me for Winter Wrap-Up?  I’m with the part of the plant team that tends to the Whitetail Wood.”

“Sounds good to me,” he replied, pleasant thoughts of working together with the citizens of Ponyville filling his mind.  “But first I should find out what I’m getting myself into.”

“Actually, first, shouldn’t you be buying some coffee?”

Gold Watch smacked his head.  “Yes.  Of course.”

Coffee finally in hoof, Gold Watch departed, and walked through town.  He saw a few mentions of Winter Wrap-Up around town hall, but no real organization.  It looked like another one of those activities where, somehow, ponies would know what to do.  But that didn’t sit well with the stallion’s years of training.  He wanted information.  And there was one pony who would best understand coming into Winter Wrap-Up for the first time.





“Are you ready for Winter Wrap-Up?” Colgate asked Sharp Eye.

“I was thinking of joining the weather team,” he replied as he secured his tools.

“That’s mostly pegasus work.  Personally, I enjoy the animal team.”

“Actually, what I want to do is ice skating.  That’s on the weather team, right?”

Colgate nodded.

“So what do you do?” Sharp Eye asked.

“I help clean the animals’ dens, make them ready for their return after hibernation.”

“It’s probably best I don’t join you, then.  I’m mildly allergic to cats.  I have no idea what other animals would trigger my allergies.”

“That’s too bad.  Cats are so cute.”

Sharp Eye considered the smile on Colgate’s face to be a much more welcome sight.  It was a shame he would have to ruin it.  “Did you notice your visitor outside?”

Colgate glanced outside, seeing her father waiting on a nearby bench.  There were many benches in the vicinity of her office.  But this one was in position to see into Sharp Eye’s office.  She stepped back.

“In any case, I wanted to make sure you were prepared for Winter Wrap-Up.  I guess I shouldn’t have worried.”

“Maybe our paths will cross at some point during the day,” Sharp Eye said.

“I’d like that.  But I had best be going.  I have a few things to talk about with my father, and I might be a while.”

Colgate returned to her office, cleaning her tools and storing them away.  She made sure to be thorough, and finished five minutes after the time she estimated Sharp Eye would depart.  She then headed out the front door and walked over to her father.  “Hi, Dad,” she said, without much enthusiasm.

“Hi, dear,” he replied.  He got off the bench carefully and embraced her.  “It’s been a while.”

“Too long.”  She nodded in agreement.  It was one occasion where the exact time that had passed was less correct than the vague descriptor.

“So I talked to Green Tea, and she wants me to join her on the plant team for Winter Wrap-Up.  Just what am I agreeing to?”

“Funny, I was just talking to Sharp Eye about that; it seems he’s got matters well in hoof,” Colgate noted.  “Anyway, it’s an interesting tradition.  Here in Ponyville, we bring in spring without magic, by which I mean without unicorn magic.  Nopony cares that the pegasi clear the skies with their weather magic; I guess that’s considered part of the earth pony way.”

“Interesting, but I mean, will I be okay helping out?”

“You might be a little sore.  Just be prepared for a long day.”

“How long?” Gold Watch asked

“You know that feeling where everypony gets together, and you feel a song in your heart, and the feeling of cooperation flows?”

“Yeah.  I’ve felt that here.”

“Well, it’s one of the most beautiful songs in Ponyville.  The feeling lasts for an hour.  The problem is, Winter Wrap-Up runs from dawn to dusk, and then into the night.  And the last couple of years, Ponyville hasn’t even wrapped up winter on time.”

“Is tradition more important than finishing on time?” Gold Watch asked.

“What do you think?”  She frowned.  “But enough about that.  If you decide you don’t want to be on the plant team, you could join me in waking up the animals.”

“You’re working with animals?  Is this all because I wouldn’t let you have a kitten when you were eight?”

“Of course not,” Colgate replied.  She felt her father’s withering gaze.  “Um, maybe?”

Gold Watch shook his head.  “You’re a grown mare, and if you want a pet, you can have a pet.”

“I don’t have the time to devote to a pet.”

“That’s what I thought back when an eager filly promised she’d take good care of a pet.”  He shook his head.  “But this is a silly argument to have so many years later.  Since we’re not going to be crossing paths, do you want to meet for breakfast before starting our work?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Colgate said.





The knock at Gold Watch’s door came at precisely 6:30 AM.  He opened it, finding his daughter there, wearing her beige vest, a scarf, and boots.  Gold Watch was similarly attired, save for having a green vest.  “Ready to go?” he asked.

“Sure, but first, did you put your clothes without magic?”

“What?” Gold Watch interjected.

“It’s tradition.  And I take it by your response the answer is no,” Colgate responded.

“I haven’t dressed myself with my hooves and mouth in more than 50 years,” Gold Watch protested.

Colgate concentrated, and the scarf unwound from around her father’s neck, followed by the vest.  “Just give it a try.”

“And what about the magic you just used, Colgate?”

“That’s different!” she sputtered.

Gold Watch just shrugged and picked up his vest.  He struggled to put it on, the fabric being caught on the rough edges of his hooves when it wasn’t simply falling to the ground.  When he finally got it secured, putting on his scarf was a lot easier.  But he felt tiny threads of yarn sticking to his lips and tongue.  He was reminded exactly why unicorns didn’t manipulate objects by mouth.

“I definitely need something to drink after that.”

“Agreed.  I know Sugarcube Corner does a brisk business this morning, but strictly take-out.”

Sugarcube Corner had large stacks of muffins and scones prepared, though with less variety than normal.  The crowd was greater than normal, but Pinkie Pie easily skated through the crowd, delivering pastries and beverages.

Then Gold Watch noticed something about the mare.  She didn’t just appear to be skating.

“Are you wearing ice skates, Miss Pie?”

“Yes indeedy!  I’m just so excited about getting out there and breaking up the ice that I woke up and got dressed super early!”  She hummed cheerily and skated off.

“How is she doing that?” Gold Watch asked Colgate.

“It’s Pinkie Pie.  Don’t ask,” she replied.

Gold Watch and Colgate took their blueberry muffins and orange juice outside and joined the gathering crowd.  Though still before dawn, most of the town had already gathered by the town hall.

“The mayor is going to declare the start of Winter Wrap-Up,” Colgate explained.

Gold Watch looked at the empty stage.  “I suspected as much.”  He went back to his breakfast.

Just as the first rays of dawn peeked over the horizon, Mayor Mare strode to the stage.  Gold Watch found the crowd much more interesting than the mayor’s banal speech.  It was quite unusual to see everypony dressed like this.  From listening to the crowd, he determined the vests were a new creation, made by Rarity.  He wondered how, or if, the teams identified themselves in previous years.

Gold Watch then noticed one pony without a vest.  Surprisingly, it was Princess Celestia’s student.  Just like him, she was new to town   But how come she didn’t find a team already?

He felt a nudge.  “Good morning, Gold Watch,” a familiar voice said.

“It’s never a good morning until I’ve had my coffee,” he replied.

Green Tea laughed.  “And whose fault is that?”

“I’m guessing the mayor, or whoever decided to start this thing so early.”

“It’s just so much to do,” Green Tea said.  She started bobbing her head, and Gold Watch soon felt it as well.  They began humming the melody that filled their hearts, and soon joined in on the most beautiful song Gold Watch had ever experienced.

“I’m ready to work, even though I’m not exactly sure what we’re doing,” Gold Watch said once the song was complete.

“Come along.  I’ll show you.”





Green Tea still had a bounce in her step, even when carrying a large cart with shovels and other tools in it.  She led a group of six ponies away from the main plant team and to a familiar wood.  This place once got the better of Gold Watch.  It wouldn’t get him today.

“Are we going to clear the entire Whitetail Wood?” he asked.

“Not the whole thing, just the edge.  We let plants grow naturally here, including what goes into the many herbal teas I sell, but we do need to clear the snow away first.”

Gold Watch surveyed the area.  “Which snow?”

“We need to clear the snow banks that have accumulated on the ground, then brush the snow off the bushes.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to clear the bushes first, then the ground?” Gold Watch suggested.

“We’re going to have to come back anyway, once the snow comes off the trees,” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch looked up.  There was a lot of snow sitting in the branches.  “This could certainly be done better.”  In his years on the police force, he had mastered doing his job efficiently.  As a patrol officer, he identified multiple patrol routes that covered the most ground in the shortest time.  And even when at his desk, he had a paper filing system that minimized the time required, for filing and searching in total.

Everypony else called it the teetering pile method, but by Celestia, it worked.

“I’m just happy to help,” Green Tea said.  “Now, let’s get shoveling!”





Colgate trotted up to Amethyst Star, the animal team lead.  “Ready to wake the animals!” she called.

“Don’t let Fluttershy hear you yell like that,” she replied.  “She hates to see her animal friends awoken by shouting.”

“I’m surprised she’s not the one leading the team,” Colgate observed.

“More time planning means less time with the animals,” Amethyst Star noted.  “But she’ll be the first to take command if anything might hurt them.  Anyway, you know what to do.”  She picked up a feather duster and bell and passed them to Colgate.





Sharp Eye walked across the snowy landscape.  He didn’t need excellent eyesight to spot the mare he was seeking; her pink mane and coat were obvious against the pristine snow and ice.  She was already at work, skating artfully along the surface of one of the frozen lakes.

“Hi, Sharp Eye!” she called.  “Need some sharp skates?”

“That I do,” he replied.

Pinkie Pie dove into a big pile of skates, and popped up with a pair on her head.  “These should fit!” she chirped.  “Now, do you know how to skate?”

“I skated as a colt,” he replied as he swapped his boots for skates.

“That’s good.  You never forget how to skate!”

Sharp Eye nodded and stepped onto the ice.  He promptly felt four legs flail in four different directions, and ended up sprawled on the ice.

“Or was it you never forget how to slip?” Pinkie Pie wondered.  “I always forget how that goes.”  Her tail twitched, and she looked toward Ponyville.  “My friend is coming to help!  Gotta go.  Keep skating, Sharp Eye!”

“Sure thing,” Sharp Eye said as he tried to regain his balance.





Gold Watch counted the hours pass.  They were making progress, he noted.  And Green Tea was lecturing him on the proper balance of water and sunlight for the various plants they encountered, and more.

It was clearly a mistake to suggest that he was planning on starting a garden this year.

Following clearing another snow bank, Green Tea planted her shovel in the ground.  She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.  “This is what it’s all about.”

“What?” Gold Watch asked.

“The feeling of new life, coming through the earth under my hooves.”

Gold Watch shrugged.  He didn’t expect to feel that connection as a unicorn.  Perhaps, had he grown up in Ponyville, he could have appreciated the feeling of the land, but Canterlot had a distinctly unnatural feel to it.  He had heard that from a number of earth ponies who had moved to Canterlot.

“Well, I’m famished,” Green Tea said.  “I think it’s time to break for lunch.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Gold Watch said.





From her position deep amid the animal warrens, Colgate didn’t notice the sour stench at first.  But when she came out, she knew something had gone wrong.  She wrinkled her muzzle.  Somepony had upset an animal, specifically one of the skunks.

She was surprised to see the pony who was walking away, head lowered, with everypony else keeping a wide birth—Twilight Sparkle.

Amethyst Star trotted up to her.  “We’re breaking for lunch early.  I recommend eating far away from here.  Roseluck is going to come back after lunch with some perfumed cloths to help mask the stench.

“Good,” Colgate said.

Colgate headed back to town.  Much like for other events, the ponies who stayed in town contributed by making lunch.  It wouldn’t be anything special, but she was hungry.

“So how’s it going?”

Colgate smiled as Sharp Eye joined her.  “Pretty good on my end.  But every year, there seems to be more warrens.  And we’re going to be delayed even more since Twilight Sparkle got sprayed by a skunk.”

“She got sprayed by a skunk and stung by bees?  No wonder she looked so upset!”

“Bees?” Colgate wondered.

“I saw her from a distance as I was heading back.  I noticed the bump of a bee sting—several bee stings,” he said.

“Wow.  Hopefully, your day went better.”

“I slipped and fell a few times, and I’ll probably feel it tomorrow,” Sharp Eye said.  “I think I’m used to skates again.  But I’m wondering if what I’ve done is going to work.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, Pinkie Pie was very encouraging, but she never really explained how to score the ice so that it melts.”

Colgate looked up at the cloudy sky.  “If the sky doesn’t clear soon, then it really won’t matter.”





“That’s about all we can do,” Green Tea announced.

Gold Watch and the others working the Whitetail Wood had cleared the snow off the ground, dumping it in an area where it would melt into the stream.  But he noticed the thick blanket of snow still in the trees above.

“Didn’t you say something about the snow coming off the trees?”

Green Tea sighed.  “I was hoping the sky would have been cleared by now, so that the pegasi would have been freed to help here.  Maybe it will happen tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?  Wouldn’t that make the town late?” Gold Watch asked.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Green Tea responded.  “No sense in worrying.  Let’s get some dinner, and hopefully we’ll be able to finish this evening.”

Passing by the farms on the outskirt of Ponyville, Gold Watch noticed the conditions of the fields.  Something went very wrong with the plowing.  “What happened there?” he asked.

“I don’t know.  Looks like some of the snow from the hill fell over the fields.”

The Whitetail Wood team headed back to Ponyville.  Once they got there, they ran into a fight among all three teams, with the mayor at the center.  A large flock of pegasi hovered in the air, watching the back and forth.

“I was hoping my amazingly inspirational speech would urge everyone to do better than last year, but now it looks like we’re going to be later than ever,” the mayor said.  “I mean, just look at this catastrophe. The ice scorers made the ice chunks too big to melt.  The nest designer is horrendously behind; we need several hundred, and she’s only made one.  And don’t get me started on all the clouds in the sky, the icicles on the trees....  This isn’t good, not at all!”

“Did the mayor just admit to screwing up?” Gold Watch asked Green Tea.

“I did say it’s taken two days,” she replied.  They turned to watch the argument proceed.

“And it’s gonna be all to pieces disastrous if we can’t get our seeds all planted,” Applejack argued.

“Chillax, Applejack, we’re busting our chops as fast as we can,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“No, not fast, we have to wake animals slowly,” said Fluttershy.

“Uh, AJ?” Big McIntosh said hesitantly.

“Oh, good gravy, Caramel lost the grass seeds again, didn’t he?”

“Eeyup.”  The caramel-colored stallion next to him hung his head in shame.

“Ditzy Doo accidentally went north to get the southern birds!” one of the pegasi shouted.

“Oh, that featherbrain. Didn’t she learn her lesson last year when she went west?” Rainbow Dash said.

As ponies argued and bickered, Mayor Mare attempted to bring order.  “Stop this at once.  We don’t have time to argue.  It’s almost sundown.  Spring is going to be late again.  Another year of scandal and shame.  If only we could be more organized.”

“That’s what I said,” Gold Watch said.

The arguing was interrupted by the trill of an unnaturally loud birdsong.  Everypony looked to Twilight Sparkle.

“Sorry.  I know you all want to complete your jobs on time, but arguing is no way to go about it.  What you need is organization, and I’m just the pony for the job.”

Gold Watch shrugged.  “If she can stop an Ursa Minor, then maybe she can handle this.”





The ponies in Ponyville shared a quick dinner while Twilight Sparkle worked on her plans.  The mare was working furiously, filling paper scrolls and even some blueprints.  Nopony seemed to mind that she was using her horn to write.

Sharp Eye found Colgate in the crowd.  “Hey, do you want to help out with the ice?” he asked.

“I guess, but shouldn’t I find out what the animal team is doing first?”

“Twilight Sparkle just sent some engineers and construction workers out to your part of the woods; I’m not sure why.  All I know is you should be free for a little while.  And she just came up with a blueprint for the correct method to score the ice.  Problem is, it requires a lot more ponies.”

“I’m not the best at skating, but sure, I’ll help,” Colgate said.  “But are there enough ice skates?”

“Of course, silly!” Pinkie Pie chirped from a position Colgate was sure she hadn’t occupied a second ago.  “I keep ice skates stashed all around Ponyville, for ice skating emergencies.  And this one is a doozy!”

“Okay, I’ll skate,” Colgate said.  She reasoned that once on the ice, she wouldn’t be thinking of Pinkie Pie’s antics.

A large group of ponies gathered by the closest lake and donned ice skates.  Pinkie Pie looked over a blueprint that Twilight Sparkle held flat against a rock.  She listened to Twilight Sparkle’s plan and nodded.

“Okay, everypony!” she shouted.  “We need to make cuts in a tight grid formation!  So stay extra close to your skating buddy, and try to make one big gouge with all four of your skates!”

The ponies at the edge of the ice nodded and moved close together.  Colgate reacted to a bump from her left by shifting to the right, where she brushed against Sharp Eye’s flank.  Their eyes met; she spotted red on his face.  She stepped away and turned her head, trying to conceal her own blush.

“Everypony, ready, set, go!”

With Pinkie Pie’s announcement, Colgate stepped onto the ice.  She found her balance and skated forward, in unison with her fellow ponies.  And once across the lake, they awkwardly walked on their skates to the other side of the lake, and made a perpendicular stroke across the lake.

Surveying their work, Colgate saw the grid markings and smiled.

“Now, on to the next lake!” Pinkie Pie said.





Colgate returned to where the animals were hibernating.  In the time she was gone, somepony had created a mad contraption of ropes, pulleys, and bells.  Fluttershy and Amethyst Star inspected the setup and nodded.

“The most important thing is to make sure all our little animal friends wake up,” Fluttershy said.    “If some melting snow gets in their homes, then it won’t hurt them.”

“All right, give it a ring!” Amethyst Star announced.

Colgate watched as Fluttershy pulled the rope, ringing bells across the land.  Creatures both furry and scaly awoke from their winter slumber and crawled out into the still chilly dusk air.

Fluttershy nodded and winked to a bird resting in her mane.  The bird trilled, stirring Rainbow Dash, waiting in the clouds.  The speedy pegasus signaled her team and took flight.





Gold Watch waited with Green Tea’s team outside the Whitetail Wood.  They watched the pegasi on the weather team take off, forming into a tight formation.  They flew up, piercing the cloud cover.

Then, the crowd on the ground heard it.  It sounded like wind, but nothing like the wind that accompanied a rainstorm.  It grew until it reached a crescendo the moment the pegasi burst through the clouds, scattering some and pulling the rest in their wake.  They pulled warm air behind them with such a force that it blew the remaining snow off the trees.

Gold Watch had seen the Wonderbolts perform many times, but even their aerobatic displays couldn’t compare to the force shown by these pegasi flying together.

“That’s our sign,” Green Tea said.  “Let’s get that snow off the ground!”

“See, now that makes sense,” Gold Watch told her.

“What?”

“The pegasi did two things at once, clear the skies and clear the trees.”  He looked up at the bare branches.  “I’m kind of surprised they haven’t done that before.  They handled final cleanup in the Running of the Leaves a lot like that, right?”

“Good point.  We’ll need to remember this for next year,” Green Tea said.





Under the light of Luna’s moon, ponies labored to complete their tasks for Winter Wrap-Up.  And once they finished, they all headed to the farms, to complete the essential planting.  Again, Gold Watch saw organization at work.  The plowponies worked in teams, the first plowing the snow, the second tilling the field with his plowshare, and the third planting crops.  

That’s not to say it covered all the planting needs.  Gold Watch joined others in planting more seeds.  He chuckled; he had thought about tending to a garden, and now he was getting plenty of planting experience.

Finally, as the first rays of Celestia’s sun brightened the horizon, everypony gathered outside of town.  In the grand tradition of politicians everywhere, Mayor Mare took the credit as she pronounced winter wrapped up on time.  Gold Watch shook his head and looked to his daughter next to him.

“How are you feeling, Dad?” Colgate asked him.

“I really want to debate the mayor on the meaning what on time means, but I’m just so tired.”

“I know.  I’m just glad I have no appointments today.”

“Why not?” Gold Watch asked.

“I think everypony figured they’d still be wrapping up winter today.”

“I think I’ll be wrapping myself up, in the blankets on my bed.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all spring,” Colgate joked.

“Well, then, ‘goodnight’.”

The speeches were done.  Twilight Sparkle’s friends were busy celebrating her new position as all-team organizer.  But for everypony else, sleep called.  Gold Watch smiled weakly and waved at Green Tea, who looked similarly exhausted.  Spring was a season for renewal, with promises of new life blooming, but for one day, spring could wait.

> Chapter 8: Chaos
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 8: Chaos





“Go ahead and rinse,” Colgate told her patient.

The older mare in the dentist’s chair swished a mouthful of water in her mouth and then spit into the movable sink.

“Everything looks good, Mayor Mare,” Colgate continued.  “Your teeth are in great shape.  The whitening potion is still working, so please refrain from consuming anything but water for the next hour.”

“Understood, Dr. Colgate,” Mayor Mare replied.  “I’m just glad this year’s appointment wasn’t interrupted by some terrible crisis.”

Colgate laughed.  “You have had some bad luck there.”  She recalled the mayor’s appointment the previous year had to be rescheduled due to Nightmare Moon’s attempt to bring eternal night to Equestria.  “Maybe you shouldn’t schedule your appointments in summer?”

“It’s still the best time for me.”

Colgate cleaned her tools and prepared for her next patient as Mayor Mare settled the bill with Snow Glimmer.  Once she was done, she escorted the mayor to the door.

“Have a nice day!” Colgate said as she waved.

At the end of the hall, Sharp Eye opened the door to his office.  “Hey, Colgate,” he called.

“Ah.  Good morning, Sharp Eye.”

“Have you seen a pink cloud?” he asked.

Colgate looked at him curiously.  “Sometimes, around sunset, the clouds look pink or orange.”  She smiled.  “It’s actually quite nice to watch.”

Sharp Eye shook his head.  “No, I mean pink, like cotton candy pink.  I saw a pink cloud earlier this morning, moving exactly the way clouds shouldn’t move.  And then I saw more of them out by the farms.  But they’re gone now.”

Colgate looked out the window.  “Whatever it was, it’s gone now.  It was probably nothing.”

“I hope,” Sharp Eye said.





Gold Watch was at home, enjoying one of the great privileges of being retired—the midday nap.  But something felt wrong about his bed.  It was like he rolled over and found a cool but uncomfortably firm surface.

He opened his eyes and blinked slowly.  He saw his bed up against the wall.  The door to his bedroom was above him.  Gold Watch was actually sleeping on his bedroom window.

He looked out the window, and he clutched his head.  His body was telling him the window was down.  But looking out the window, he saw nothing but sky, a sky filled with strange pink clouds.

“I said I was retired!” he shouted to the sky.  But even as he complained, he sprung to action.  He pushed away his bed sheets and cautiously felt his way through his bedroom.  Something was messing with the local gravity, and he dared not trust his senses.  He crawled slowly until he reached his front door.  Opening it revealed a gap between house and ground.  He then steeled himself and jumped.

Looking up, he could see his house was slowly rotating.  Other houses in the neighborhood were upside down.  Another house had its doors swapped for windows.  He shook his head and headed into town.

Gold Watch only managed a few steps before his hooves slipped from under him, and he fell to the ground, sliding another foot.  It took him a while to figure out exactly what kind of slippery substance he found himself in.  “Soap.”

He cautiously rose and stepped gingerly, being careful not to lose his footing again.  He slowly walked towards town, turning down a familiar street.

Green Tea’s shop looked untouched by the chaos around him, an assessment that went out the door once Gold Watch stepped inside.  Inside, teacups, saucers, spoons, and boxes of tea danced in the air.  He blinked.  The dance looked like a waltz.

Gold Watch didn’t see anypony in the shop.  “Green Tea?” he called.

“I’m here,” he heard her squeak from behind the counter.

Gold Watch dodged the bizarre display and looked behind the counter.  Green Tea was hiding, her back pressed to the corner, covering her head with her forelegs.  She peeked out at him.  “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out,” he said.  “Now stand up.”

Green Tea hesitated.  Gold Watch reached for her.  “You’ve dealt with real dangers from the Everfree Forest all your life, Green Tea,” he said.  “This is just craziness.  You won’t get hurt.”  The pain in his leg from when he slipped reminded him that wasn’t exactly true, but he didn’t think Green Tea had a reason to fear serious harm.

Green Tea took Gold Watch’s foreleg and pulled herself up.  She stared fearfully at the weird procession taking place in her shop.

“I have my suspicions about what’s happening.  I think what we all need to do is pretend this is an ordinary day,” Gold Watch said.  “Can you do that?”

“How?” Green Tea wondered.

“Well, I’m browsing your shop.  Aren’t you going to try to sell me a variety of tea?”

“Oh.  Well, I brewed up a pot of pekoe tea.”  Her eyes focused on the dancing teapot.

“Let me get that for you.”  Gold Watch casually plucked the teapot out of the air with his magic and placed it on the counter.  Green Tea set her hoof on it, so that it wouldn’t fly away.  She then took out a teacup from a stack that wasn’t floating.

She poured the tea and offered the cup to Gold Watch.  “It’s an imported tea, but the aroma brings me back to the Whitetail Wood.  I think you’ll find the bitterness pleasing, but there’s also a sweet finish.”

Gold Watch sipped the tea.  “It’s a good quality, I can tell.  But I’ve said it before.  It’s still tea.”

“One day, I’ll find a tea you like.  Now, do you need any coffee?”

“I’m good,” Gold Watch replied.  He glanced back to the display.  It seemed less energetic, just floating in circles, without the grace it had previously demonstrated.  “You probably won’t get many shoppers today.  What do you normally do on a slow day?”

“Clean and restock shelves.  If it’s particularly slow, I will balance my books.”

“Perfect,” Gold Watch said.  “Do what you normally do.  The more ordinary, the better.  Trust me on this.  I think it’s already working.”

“Okay, Gold Watch.  I’ll do it.”

Gold Watch gave Green Tea a reassuring embrace, and then departed.





Gold Watch headed to his original destination, Town Hall.  Given the time the chaos started, he suspected the mayor and the other town workers would be inside.  He hoped they would be implementing their plan.

He was wrong.  Even though nothing was going on inside Town Hall, Mayor Mare and her two employees were cowering in a storage room.

“Gold Watch!  What are you doing here?” Mayor Mare asked.

“I came to volunteer, to help keep Ponyville safe.  What’s your plan?”

“Plan?  We don’t know what’s happening!” she replied.

“You don’t have plans in place to deal with Tier One threats?” Gold Watch asked.

Three ponies stared at him blankly.

Gold Watch facehoofed.  “Every year, around the first of the year, Princess Celestia sends out a scroll describing known threats to Equestria.  The Canterlot police department reviews it every year.  But since you don’t have a police department, it’s probably sent here.  The list includes individuals and organizations, both magical and mundane, but at the top of the list are what are called Tier One threats.  These are beings with power that rival the Princesses.  Our responsibility is not to confront them, but to keep ponies safe.”

“I don’t recall this letter, but if it was sent near the beginning of the year, I know where to find it,” volunteered the stallion, who Gold Watch remembered was named Red Tape.  He departed, soon returning with two file folders in his mouth.

Together, Gold Watch and the others paged through various government correspondence until they found what he was looking for.  They moved the letter to a desk and spread its pages across the surface.  Scanning through the letter, Gold Watch had to shake his head.  The wording of the letter was very gentle.  If one didn’t think about it, one might not recognize that the letter was talking about extremely dangerous creatures.  It’s wonderful that Princess Celestia didn’t want her little ponies to worry, but sometimes they really should.

“I’m sure we’re dealing with this one,” Gold Watch said, pointing.  “Discord.  Spirit of chaos, antithesis of harmony.”

“Celestial level power in chaos magic?  What does that mean?” the younger mare asked.  Gold Watch didn’t remember if he had ever heard her name.

“It means this creature, Discord, has a level of magical power that rivals Princess Celestia.  If you remember your history lessons, there was a period where he ruled Equestria.  That’s the level of power we’re talking about.  To be specific, it means he can interact with celestial bodies.  He can manifest his magic over a broad area, without being in direct visual contact and without active concentration.  But he is neither omnipotent nor omniscient nor omnipresent.  He will need to spare some attention to all his chaotic work.  And that’s how we deal with him.”

“What do you mean?” Red Tape asked.

“We came up with plans in Canterlot.  It’s all theory, or it was until today.  I helped a friend on the way here, and so I think it will work.  Discord’s modus operandi is not just to act, but to revel in the chaos he causes.  And so we need to tell everypony to ignore it.”

“How do we ignore that?” the young mare said, pointing.  Out the window, a herd of small woodland creatures ran by.  They could be seen out the window of Town Hall because their legs had been altered, looking more like stilts than limbs.

“We have to.  It’s important to remember that Discord is not actively malicious in the same way as a being like Tirek is, but accidental harm is a very real possibility.  And if he finds this accidental harm to be amusing, it may become deliberate.”

“We need to tell everypony about your plan,” Red Tape said.

“Right.  And focus on getting everypony home,” Mayor Mare added.

“Parents shouldn’t be separated from their foals at a time like this,” the younger mare said.

“Right,” Gold Watch said.  “Let’s divide up the town into four sections, and spread the word.”

Mayor Mare strode over to the wall, where a map of Ponyville was pinned.  “Lime Swirl, you live down here, so you take the southwest portion of town.  Red Tape, head to the northwest.  Focus on the businesses by the railroad tracks.  I’ll take the offices and shops to the northeast.”

“Mayor?  Let me handle that part of town, please,” Gold Watch said.

Mayor Mare nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll take the southeast.”

“I don’t get it,” Lime Swirl said.  “Why is this happening to Ponyville?”

Gold Watch thought about it.  “Harmony,” he said.  “Discord opposes harmony, so he seeks a confrontation with the Elements of Harmony.”

“I hate to see another burden placed on the backs of those brave mares,” Mayor Mare said.

“Don’t worry, Mayor.  They can do it!” Lime Swirl affirmed.

“I hope,” Gold Watch said.  He motioned with his body, and the others followed him to the door.  “The ground’s slippery,” he warned.

“You don’t say,” Red Tape deadpanned as he looked at the soapy slick below.

“Let’s go.  Try to help as many ponies as possible, and let’s regroup at sundown,” Gold Watch said.

Then the sun set, despite the fact that it was 1:13 in the afternoon.  “Let me clarify.  We’ll meet back at 8:00 PM,” Gold Watch said.





Gold Watch stepped into Sugarcube Corner.  It was a bit past lunch hour, but normally there would be a few ponies at the tables, savoring a milkshake or just reading the paper.  But today, nopony was there.  Two plates lay abandoned on one of the tables.

He looked again.  There were two ponies there, hiding under that table.  Gold Watch recognized two of the mares who sold flowers in town.

“Let me help you up,” Gold Watch offered.

“We can’t go outside!” one protested.

“It’s so frightening, I couldn’t even faint!” said the other.

“I know everything is strange.  But the best way for you to stay safe is to go home and then stay inside,” he said.

“We could get hurt!”

“I don’t want to get turned into a monster!”

“I know matters are... unusual.  But the chaos outside is not directed at you.  Your biggest risk will be the environment.  You’ve gone outside during winter, when it’s icy, right?”

The mares nodded.

“I want you to go outside and walk home.  Pretend the ground is icy, and walk carefully, just like you would in winter,” Gold Watch said.  “Then go home, and tend to your flowers.  Act like it’s just another day, where nothing strange is happening.  If you do that, then the strangeness will fade.”

“How can you be sure?” one of them said.

“Nopony can be absolutely sure.  But knowing who’s causing this, I’d stake my horn on you avoiding the strangeness.”  Gold Watch extended his foreleg.

Cautiously, one of the mares took it.  Gold Watch helped her up.  Seeing nothing bad happen, the other accepted the stallion’s aid.

“Be careful,” Gold Watch said.  “And if you see anypony, tell them it’s best to stay home, and act as if nothing strange is going on.”

Gold Watch stood calmly and nodded as the two mares headed out.  He had decades of experience in projecting an air of confidence and authority.  But never before had it been so difficult to do.

He had come to Sugarcube Corner primarily because he was worried about the Cakes.  They weren’t behind the counter.  He listened.  He heard the sound of... something, coming from the kitchen.

Gold Watch hurried to the kitchen.  He saw the two bakers.  Cup Cake’s heavily pregnant form was pressed against one wall.  Carrot Cake stood in front of her, a broom in his mouth, as he defended her from what looked like bags of dry goods.

“Of all the things that could be flying around...” Gold Watch muttered.  It was the heaviest items, save for the ovens themselves.  It didn’t make sense, but knowing Discord, that was the point.

“Is somepony there?” Carrot Cake asked as he took another swat.

“It’s Gold Watch.  Are you okay?”

“Does this look okay?” Carrot Cake said.

“Are either of you hurt?” Gold Watch clarified.

“No, but if I don’t stop these things....”  Carrot Cake grunted as he swung his broom fiercely at a sack of flour.  It hit with a loud thwack.  The sack burst open, covering the gangly stallion in flour.

Even though Gold Watch knew the importance of not reacting to the chaos around him, he snickered.  Cup Cake also laughed.  That didn’t make Carrot Cake any happier.

“Carrot Cake, Cup Cake, are the fires out in your ovens?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes.  We doused the flames once strange things started happening,” Cup Cake said.

“Then you should get out of here.  Go into your residence.  I’ll explain once we’re inside.”

Despite the exterior design of Sugarcube Corner, the residence behind the shop was like any other.  It looked a lot like Green Tea’s house, thought with less clutter.  Cup Cake reclined on the couch, while Carrot Cake stood at the bathroom door, scrubbing the flour off of himself with a wet towel.

“What Ponyville is seeing right now is almost certainly the work of Discord, spirit of chaos,” Gold Watch said.

“I guess that explains why Pinkie Pie went to Canterlot,” Carrot Cake said.

“She ran into the house, speaking nonsense, even more than normal for her,” Cup Cake added.  “Cornfields of popcorn, cotton candy clouds, chocolate rain... and then she ran off.  We went back to our lunch service, and that’s when strange things started happening.”

“I’m going to ask you to do your best to ignore these strange things.”  Gold Watch went on to describe his strategy of dealing with Discord.  “So for you, just think of it as a slow day.  You decided to close early, and just spend a quiet evening together.  What would you do?”

“Well, I’ve been trying to knit some booties for the little ones,” Cup Cake said.

“That’s perfect.  Perfectly ordinary.”  Gold Watch did a double take.  “Wait.  Little ones?”

“Yes, we’re having twins,” Cup Cake said.

“Please don’t tell anypony,” Carrot Cake said.  “We want to keep it a surprise, and we don’t want to impose on anypony coming to the shower.”

“Will do.  You two enjoy your quiet, normal evening.”

As if on cue, the sky again switched from day to night.





The main reason why Gold Watch wanted to work on the northeast part of town now stood in front of him.  The Ponyville Professional Building housed a lawyer, a chiropractor, an optometrist, and his daughter’s practice.  Gold Watch knew he needed to help everypony in the building, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to see if his daughter was okay first.

He pushed the door to the dentist’s office open.  A jet of water squirted him in the face, getting into his eyes.  He blinked until his vision clear.  Then he felt one of the dentist’s tools polishing his horn.  He smelled mint.

Gold Watch batted away the polishing tool.  “Colgate?” he called.

There was no answer.  He checked every room of the office, dodging animated tools, but found nopony there.  His heart sank.

Gold Watch ran out of the office, heading to the optometrist’s office at the end of the hallway.  He pushed open the door, and then breathed a sigh of relief.  Colgate and her hygienist Snow Glimmer were sitting in the office with Sharp Eye.

“Dad!” Colgate called.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Gold Watch said.  “You found a place that’s not affected by the chaos magic.”

“Excuse me?  What do you think this is?” Sharp Eye said.

The optometrist was pointing to the wall, where a rack of eyeglass frames stood.  But they weren’t normal.  The frames were comically large, and were attached to a fake mustache and a large triangular nose that had to be from some hideous monster’s face.

“I have no idea what that is,” Gold Watch said.  “I’m working with the mayor.  We’re trying to get everypony to go home, stay safe, act boring, and pretend that nothing strange is going on.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Snow Glimmer said.

“We’re dealing with a creature that doesn’t make any sense,” he retorted.  He described the success he observed when he tried this tactic in Green Tea’s shop.

“Okay,” Sharp Eye said, though he sounded unconvinced.  “I was thinking of crawling into bed and hoping to wake up tomorrow, with this day being nothing but a bad dream.”

“Spending the day in bed.  That’s perfect,” Gold Watch said.  “Colgate, promise me you’ll go home and stay indoors.”

“I promise, Dad.”

“Good.  I’m going to check the rest of the offices, and head out.  If you see anypony on your way home, ask them to go home and stay there.”

“Okay,” they all said.





Gold Watch continued to visit shops and homes, sharing his advice.  It was already 6:30 PM, or six days later if one was counting the movement of the sun and moon.  Now at the edge of town, he saw several farms in the distance.  He hoped that Discord’s chaos magic had confined itself to the town proper, but he doubted he would be so lucky.

The first farm Gold Watch reached was Sweet Apple Acres.  The strange magic wasn’t doing anything at this moment, but its impact was clearly visible on the farm.  It wasn’t just the chocolate puddles he was trotting over.  There were mounds of popcorn, apple trees bowed under the weight of boulder-sized apples, and cotton candy film in various places.

Gold Watch passed by the farmstead, and what greeted him was not a pretty sight.  The old matriarch was dancing, in a way she didn’t look like she had the agility to accomplish, and her grandson was digging through the fields like an oversized red mole.  He was panting, with a happy vapid expression that reminded Gold Watch of a dog’s.  He shuddered.

In working on contingency plans for dealing with Discord, Gold Watch had read the historic accounts of Discord’s reign.  His powers included directly manipulating ponies, such that he was often depicted as holding a marionette’s strings.  Not having seen that today, Gold Watch held out hope that Discord’s return wasn’t going to be as bad.  He even maintained a slight glimmer of hope that he was completely mistaken about the source of the chaos.

But now he was sure.  There was no way that Discord wasn’t involved.

Gold Watch wondered why Discord’s influence was stronger here.  Then he recalled that one of the Elements of Harmony lived here.  He was glad that the Cakes were still in control of their actions.

“McIntosh!  Granny Smith!” he called.  But there was no reaction from either pony.

He prayed that wherever Applejack was, she was kicking Discord’s misshapen posterior.

Further down the road was the Goldens’ farm.  The giant wooden carrot that marked the family’s barn was matched by unnaturally large carrots in the fields.  Seeing no sign of the couple, he ran to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.  “Golden Grain?  Golden Harvest?” he yelled.

“Who’s there?” Golden Harvest asked.

“It’s Gold Watch.  Are you both okay?”

Golden Harvest opened the door.  In a single swift action, she pulled Gold Watch inside and kicked the door shut with a hind leg.  “What are you doing out there?  It’s dangerous!” she said.

“It’s my job, ma’am.”  Gold Watch shook his head.  His practiced response when ponies asked why he risked his own life was no longer accurate.  “It’s not my job anymore, but it’s what I want to do.  It’s what I have to do.”

Golden Grain joined them in the foyer.  “What is it you have to do?”

“I’m working with Mayor Mare and the rest of Town Hall to tell everypony to stay inside and ignore the chaos.”  He looked around.  “Things appear calm here.”

“Living so close to the Everfree Forest, we know to stay inside when strange things happen,” Golden Harvest said.  “We took one look outside, with the chocolate rain and twisted forest creatures, and decided we’re not going to market today.”

“A wise decision.  The chaos is the work of Discord, and I’m afraid he’s visited his magic on McIntosh and Granny Smith directly.”

“Is Apple Bloom okay?” Golden Grain asked.  Gold Watch raised an eyebrow.  “The young filly, about ten years old?”

“I didn’t see her.”  He had forgotten about her; she wasn’t a fixture in the market.

“I hope she’s okay.  If the house isn’t safe, she probably retreated to her clubhouse,” Golden Harvest said.

“Where is that?” Gold Watch asked.

Golden Harvest opened the door.  “I’ll check on her.  We farm ponies need to stick together.  Gold Watch, you go help the ponies in town.”

Gold Watch nodded and smiled as the farm mare headed off.





Gold Watch reversed his circuit through town on his way back, looking for anypony in distress.  Everything was quiet, save for the flashy chaos magic, the strange weather and floating buildings.  He spotted a few ponies through windows, doing ordinary things.  There was even an old mare on her porch swing, sipping lemonade like any normal summer evening.

He returned to Town Hall early, at 7:14 PM.  Mayor Mare and Red Tape were already there.  “Mayor, report,” he stated.

“Nopony’s hurt.  I’ve spread word about your plans to as many ponies as I could find.  A lot of the parents are worried; there’s a group of foals on a field trip to Canterlot right now.”

“Any chance we could get word to Canterlot?” Gold Watch asked.

“There’s a telegraph office at the train station, if it’s still working,” Red Tape said.  “The problem is, the telegrapher is one of the ponies I sent home.”

The three ponies saw Lime Swirl running to them, heedless of the slippery road.  “I saw the Elements of Harmony!” she shouted.  “They’re coming back to fight Discord!”

“Where is he?” Gold Watch asked.

“On the outskirts of town, not far from my house,” she replied.  She pointed, but it was too far away to see anything.

A brilliant rainbow stretched overhead.  It then grew, forming a dome over all of Ponyville.  Gold Watch felt a powerful magic flow over him, calming him, despite everything that he had seen.

He blinked, and Ponyville was back to normal.  Buildings were back on the ground, in their proper orientation.  Celestia’s sun was back in its proper position in the sky.  The roads were back to being normal dirt.  The clouds above were fluffy and white.

All around, ponies opened doors and windows.  Cheers resounded across Ponyville.  Families, neighbors, and total strangers embraced.

“Let’s go thank them,” Mayor Mare suggested.

Lime Swirl led the way to a large celebration.  The Elements of Harmony were still there, surrounded by a crowd of grateful ponies.  The harmony that was an essential part of Equestria was back, and stronger than ever.  And at the heart of it all, lying on the ground, was one petrified draconequus, face eternally frozen in shock.

“I’ll ask the trash collectors in to dispose of this rubbish,” Red Tape quipped.





Sleep did not come easily to Gold Watch that night.  Ponyville was safe, but only for the moment.  He thought about the many other threats to Equestria.  So many defeated villains were trapped in Tartarus.  What if the gate to Tartarus, so close to Ponyville, failed?  What would Tirek do if freed?

Eventually, Gold Watch fell asleep, as he was roused from sleep by a pounding on his door.  For somepony to be knocking at 6:48 AM, it must be important.

He opened the door, finding Lime Swirl there.  “Princess Celestia has invited everypony in Ponyville to come to Canterlot!” she said breathlessly.  “There will be trains leaving every ten minutes, starting at 8 o’clock!”

“Great.  I’ll be there.”

“Good!  I’ve got to spread the word.  See you later, and thanks again!”

Gold Watch nodded and shut the door.  He’d be ready to go after a shower and a cup of coffee.  He headed to the kitchen and turned on his coffeemaker.  From the cupboard, he pulled out a bag of coffee beans.  As soon as he opened the bag, he saw something was wrong.  The coffee beans were green.  Somehow, the chaos magic had unroasted his coffee.

Gold Watch checked the two other bags of coffee beans he had.  Both were similarly affected.

He sighed.  There could be no doubt.  Discord was truly an evil villain.





Gold Watch marveled at the sight of the throne room of Canterlot Castle.  He had been there on several occasions during his life.  The room was as opulent as ever, with its stained glass windows, marble floors, and thick red carpet.  The guardsponies in their golden armor stood watch.  And Princess Celestia, standing in front of her throne, was as awe-inspiring a sight as ever.

But never before had Gold Watch seen the throne room devoid of nobles, courtiers, and hangers-on.  No, today, the throne room was filled with ponies he recognized, the ponies from his new hometown.  He spotted Colgate, standing on the aisle.  Gold Watch nodded to her, and found a place in the middle of the crowd.

With a fanfare of trumpets, the doors opened.  Twilight Sparkle led her friends and fellow Elements of Harmony down the carpet.  They took positions on the stairs leading up to the throne.  They smiled awkwardly as they waited for Princess Celestia to speak.

“We are gathered here today to once again honor the heroism of these six friends who stood up to the villain Discord and saved Equestria from eternal chaos,” Princess Celestia intoned.  Her horn flared, and a new stained glass window was revealed, showing the heroes imprisoning Discord.

The room erupted in cheers.  Gold Watch happily joined the celebration.  Princess Celestia smiled as she watched her little ponies.  She briefly made eye contact with Gold Watch.  He could have sworn he saw something in her smile.

“But that is not all we are celebrating today,” Princess Celestia said.  “I wish to thank everypony in Ponyville for staying strong as Discord tried to turn your town into the chaos capital of Equestria.  Not in the last millennium has anypony had to endure the whims of Discord.

“Ponyville is back to normal, and nopony suffered grave injury.  And there is one pony we need to thank, for going above and beyond the call of duty.  Gold Watch, please step forward.”

Gold Watch stood there, his jaw hanging open, until somepony nudged him.  He jumped, and then stepped onto the carpet.  He had never before received any honor like this.

“For keeping a level head and helping everypony avoid the attention of Discord’s magic, we thank you.”  In her magical aura, she held a medal.

“Thank you, Princess.  But I can’t accept this honor.  I was just doing my job.”

The princess smiled.  “But how could you be just doing your job?  I have it on good authority that you are retired.”  The princess winked, and two stallions stepped out of the crowd, an older pegasus and a younger earth pony.

“Chief!  Dawn Runner!”

Gold Watch shook hooves with his former boss and his replacement.  Again, the crowd cheered.  But this time, they were cheering for him.





After receiving his medal, Gold Watch stayed, talking with a smaller group, including the chief and Dawn Runner, Mayor Mare, and Colgate.  “You deserve this honor,” the mayor said.  “You were prepared to act when I wasn’t ready.”

“Please don’t get yourself down, Mayor.  Remember all you do to protect the town from the Everfree Forest.”

“There’s a place for you if you want to keep helping Ponyville,” Mayor Mare told Gold Watch.

The retired stallion thought about the previous day.  It had been a long time since he felt so alive.  Helping ponies wasn’t what his cutie mark was telling him, but it was his calling nonetheless.

Gold Watch saw the chief give him a knowing smirk.  He looked to Colgate, who was nodding subtly.  He sighed and spoke.  “Mayor Mare, if you’re still willing, I would be honored to serve as Ponyville’s police chief.  But only until you can find somepony younger to take over for me.”

Mayor Mare smiled.  “Welcome aboard, Chief.”

Dawn Runner then pressed something into Gold Watch’s hoof.  It was a police badge, reading Gold Watch, Chief of Police, Ponyville P.D.  “How in the world did you create this so fast?” Gold Watch asked.

“Actually, we made this shortly after you retired,” Dawn Runner replied.

“Never thought you’d stay retired for so long,” the chief said.

“Guess that’s it for my attempts at gardening,” Gold Watch said.

“Dad, I’ve seen your garden,” Colgate said.  “It’s already done for.”

“That it is,” he replied with a laugh.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s some police work I need to get to.”





“You’re back on the force, and this is your first stop, Sergeant?”

“It’s Chief now, Pony Joe.”  Gold Watch’s favorite stool still fit his rump perfectly, and Pony Joe’s chocolate doughnut with sprinkles, served with a cup of coffee, was still the ideal breakfast.  Or lunch, as the case may be.  “It’s a shame there’s still no doughnut shop in Ponyville.”

“Can’t help you there, Chief.”  The unicorn turned to the other two officers.  “How about you, Chief, Detective?”

“Just coffee,” the chief replied.

“Powdered doughnut for me,” Dawn Runner said.

As Pony Joe went to fulfill the order, Gold Watch spoke to his former associated.  “Now that I’m a cop again, I’d better ask if there are any criminal elements threatening Ponyville.”

“The scum of Canterlot wouldn’t have any idea what to do there,” the chief replied.

“Whatever happened with that Cult of the Nightmare?” he asked Dawn Runner.

The earth pony looked to the chief.  “It was the strangest thing.  We were all ready to write this off as the work of crazies, but then we captured somepony who knew a lot of what the first cultist knew.  He knew it disturbingly well.”

“How did he know?” Gold Watch asked.

The chief shook his head.  “The scum broke out of prison.  We don’t know how.”

“Could it have been mind magic?” Gold Watch asked.

“I wish we knew,” Dawn Runner said.  “And there’s still no news on that case.”

Gold Watch nodded and sipped his coffee.  There was no need to elaborate further.

“I’d better return to Ponyville,” Gold Watch said after he finished his meal.

“Getting right to work?” the chief asked.

“There’s something I need to do.”





It was evening when Gold Watch made it back to Ponyville.  He stopped home long enough to drop off his medal and badge.  Following that, he headed back into town, his legs carrying him to a familiar destination, and then to the back of the building.  He knocked on the door.

Green Tea opened the door.  “Gold Watch!  Please, come in!  Tea?”

“Sure, I’ll have a cup,” he replied.

Gold Watch took a seat on the couch.  Green Tea soon returned with a teapot and two cups, balanced on a tray on her back.  She set the tray down on the coffee table and poured two cups of tea.

“Everypony’s been talking about how you were personally honored by Princess Celestia,” Green Tea said.

“It was nothing,” he replied, sipping his tea.  It was the pekoe he had tried the previous day.

“Nothing?  It was not nothing,” she said firmly.  “Yesterday, I was terrified.  But you came, made sure I stayed safe, and helped make the chaos go away.  And then you helped everypony else in town.”

“It’s my job.  Well, it’s my job now,” Gold Watch clarified.  “I took the mayor’s offer, and I will be serving as Ponyville’s police chief until we can find somepony younger to take over.”

“That’s great news!” Green Tea replied.

“I realized that I need to listen to my calling.  For as long as I can still help ponies, I’ll do so.  But that’s not why I came over.”

“Oh?”

“Yesterday, there was somepony I was worried about most of all.  But it wasn’t just my daughter on my mind.”  Gold Watch took Green Tea’s hoof in his own.  “Green Tea, I haven’t cared this much about somepony in years.  Would you make this old stallion happy, and be my special somepony?”

Green Tea reached over and embraced Gold Watch.  “Of course, you old fool.”

They broke the hug, but stayed in each other’s forelegs.  Gold Watch looked at Green Tea.  He leaned in, and his lips brushed hers.

Gold Watch had never appreciated tea until he tasted it on the lips of his marefriend.

> Chapter 9: First Day, First Crime
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 9: First Day, First Crime





The mood in Ponyville was festive.  Ponies laughed and talked with friends and neighbors, all happy that Ponyville was right again.  It seemed like impromptu parties were breaking out in every neighborhood.  And somehow, Pinkie Pie had delivered invitations to thirteen of them to Gold Watch’s mailbox.

The elderly stallion stacked the invitations on his counter.  He sadly didn’t have time for any festivities.  Tomorrow he would no longer be retired, even if Ponyville police chief would likely be a part-time endeavor, and so he spent the day checking on his house.

After a day’s labor, Gold Watch determined his house was fine.  It was firmly attached to its foundation.  The plumbing was all in working order.  There were no cracks on the walls, no missing shingles.  Pretty good, for a house that had previously been detached from the ground and suspended in Discord’s magic.  Those Elements of Harmony certainly did their job.

Too bad they didn’t roast coffee.

By keeping himself busy, Gold Watch was almost able to forget that he hadn’t had any coffee that day.

He heard somepony knock.  He opened the door and smiled.  “Green Tea!”

“Good evening, Gold Watch.  Or should I say Captain Gold Watch?”

“Not yet.  I’m officially retired for the next thirteen hours and forty-seven minutes.  Would you like to come in?  I’d offer you some coffee, but Discord unroasted all my coffee beans.”

Green Tea laughed.  “Then it’s a good thing I come bearing gifts.”  She entered, carrying a small wooden crate on her back.  “I remembered what you said about the most important tool for a police officer, so I brought you some coffee to stock the police station.  But please keep one bag for yourself.  And yes, I would love a cup of coffee.”

“Really?  You want coffee?” Gold Watch asked.

“I’d ask for tea, but I’m pretty sure you don’t have any,” she replied.  “I do enjoy coffee, Gold Watch.  I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t.  It’s just that tea is my preference.  It is my special talent, after all.”

Gold Watch opened the crate and took one of the bags of coffee beans.  After grinding them, he set his coffeemaker to work.

He returned to the living room with two mugs.  “Sugar?  I’m afraid I’m out of milk.  Don’t normally take it in my coffee.”

“Yes, please.”

The coffeemaker chimed, and Gold Watch retrieved the coffeepot and sugar.  He poured a mug for Green Tea, and then one for himself.

“Those magic-powered coffeemakers are wonderful,” Green Tea commented.

“Coffee tastes just as good.  That’s what matters,” Gold Watch said.

Green Tea sipped from her mug.  “Actually, I’ve found that what’s more important than the drink is who you share it with.





Gold Watch rose with the dawn’s first light.  He smiled, enjoying his toasty warm bed and the embrace of the mare who was the reason for that warmth.  For six years and eleven days, he had gone to bed alone.  But the previous night, he and Green Tea had talked and talked.  One cup of coffee became two, then three, and finally they had come to the mutual conclusion that they didn’t want to part that night.

Next came slipping out of bed without waking his companion.  It was a skill he had developed while married.  Whether it was the night shift as a patrol officer or the stakeout at odd hours as a detective, he often had to leave his home without waking his wife and daughter.  His skills hadn’t deteriorated, and he left Green Tea asleep under the blankets.

Sweet Celestia, did she look cute when she slept.

Gold Watch stepped into the bathroom, and showered and combed his mane.  After, he went to his closet and pulled out his old uniform.  He frowned when he spotted the patch on one sleeve, with the Canterlot flag still on it.  He’d need to replace it with the Ponyville flag.  The Canterlot flag resembled the city: regal, powerful, formal.  And in the same way, Ponyville’s flag was warm and welcoming, just like the town.  And the ponies in it.

He turned and found that Green Tea was awake.  “I love a stallion in uniform,” she said with a smile.

Gold Watch walked back to the bed and gave her a kiss.  “Just doing my duty.  Are you heading back to your shop?”

“Yes.  Sorry I can’t see you sworn in today.”

“It’s really just a meeting with the mayor.  If more ponies were there, I might have to give a speech.”  Gold Watch chuckled.  “And trust me; you don’t want to see me try to give a speech.”

Green Tea got out of bed.  “Do you have time for breakfast?” she asked.

“Sorry.  I’m going to pick up something from Sugarcube Corner today.  It’s probably for the best, given what’s left in my pantry.”

“I’ve always preferred a breakfast of toast and tea.  It’s light and easy to make.”

Gold Watch smiled.  “Next time.”  He picked up his badge, the one his old chief had given him, and affixed it to his uniform.

“Do you have everything you need for today?” Green Tea asked.

“Let’s see.  Uniform, badge, coffee... wait, where is it?”  Gold Watch dashed out of the bedroom.  He went to the hall closet, and started searching through crates.

Green Tea followed him.  “What are you looking for?” she asked.

“My coffee mug.”  Another crate was opened, and its contents were lifted in Gold Watch’s magic.

Green Tea went to the kitchen and opened a cupboard.  “I see a number of mugs in here.”

“No, not a mug.  My mug.”  He lifted the lid off another crate.  “Here it is!”

Green Tea looked at the old, chipped coffee mug curiously.  “Are you sure you don’t want one from the cupboard?”

“This has been my mug since I first joined the police force.  I just wouldn’t feel right working without it.”

“I have an old tea set like that,” Green Tea said.  “It isn’t the best quality, but I got it from my grandmother, so it’s special to me.”

“That’s everything I need for today.”  He came over and kissed Green Tea.  “Would you like a police escort home?”

Green Tea laughed.  “I’d love nothing more.”





Gold Watch carried coffee, his mug, and a muffin from Sugarcube Corner in his magical aura as he trotted to the building shared by Ponyville’s police station and the local guard post.  A Royal Guardspony stood outside the door, wearing the golden armor and illusory white coat of all pegasus guards.  “Gold Watch?” he called.

“Yes, that’s me,” he replied.

“Lieutenant Red Sky.  I’m in charge of the auxiliary guard post.  The mayor mentioned you’d be starting today.”

Gold Watch looked around.  “Is the mayor here yet?”

“I wouldn’t expect to see the mayor until after 9:00,” Red Sky replied.  “Come on in.  I have keys for the building and the cells for you.”

Gold Watch entered and checked out the new police department.  The building had an open plan, with two cells between the guard post and the police station.  Both sides had a counter with a sink, and a door that led to a bathroom.  His side of the building was furnished with three desks, a file cabinet, and, most importantly, a coffeemaker.  A large bulletin board stretched across one wall, a blank expanse of cork in a wooden frame.

An empty bulletin board.  He had never seen the one in the Canterlot police station empty.

Gold Watch set his coffee, mug, and muffin on the counter by the coffeemaker.  He had at least an hour to wait for the mayor.  “Hey, Red Sky, would you like some coffee?”

“Sure.”

While waiting for the coffee to brew, Gold Watch decided to learn more about his companion.  “What’s it like being a guard here?”

“Many uneventful days with the occasional moment of sheer terror,” Red Sky replied.  “Ponyville still has a reputation as a soft posting.  Captain Shining Armor has whoever’s posted here spend three days a week in Canterlot.  So you’ll be seeing a lot of different faces.  It’s good, because most of these guardsponies’ families live here.”

“Different faces?  How will I know the difference?” Gold Watch asked with a smile.

Red Sky took off his helmet.  The illusion faded, restoring his red coat and indigo mane.  “I typically wear the helmet only while on patrol.  I normally patrol the edge of the Everfree Forest twice daily, meet with the mayor weekly, and beyond that, just walk around town.”

“Not that much different from a patrol officer,” Gold Watch commented.  “Which I guess I am.  Patrol officer, detective, and chief, all at the same time.  And it’s still a part time job.”  The coffeemaker chimed.  “Coffee’s ready.”

Gold Watch poured Red Sky a mug of coffee, and then filled his own mug.  He finally got around to eating breakfast.  It was halfway to a proper breakfast.  Sadly, there was still no place to get doughnuts in Ponyville.

“Somepony’s coming,” Red Sky announced.

“The mayor?”

“No.  But I think it’s for you.”

Since it was just about 9:00, Gold Watch had a reasonable idea about who was coming.  He got up and went to the door.  Sure enough, it was Colgate.

“Hi, Dad,” she said.

“Good morning, Colgate.  No early appointments today?”

“All my patients today canceled.  It seems like nopony is in the mood to get their teeth cleaned.  So I thought I’d see you get sworn in.”

“If the mayor ever shows up.”

“Oh, the mayor will be here.  But first, she’ll go to Town Hall at 9:00 AM to open her office.  If you’re her first stop today, she’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”

Seventeen minutes and twenty seconds later, Gold Watch spotted Mayor Mare and Red Tape approaching.  The stallion balanced a crate on his back.

Red Sky put on his helmet.  “Time to greet the mayor.”  He stood at attention outside the guard post.

Gold Watch joined him.  He stepped forward and shook hooves with the mayor.

“Ready?” Mayor Mare asked.

Gold Watch nodded.

“Do you, Gold Watch, swear to serve and protect the ponies of Ponyville?”

“I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me as mayor of Ponyville, I welcome you, Gold Watch, as police chief of Ponyville.”

Gold Watch looked at the gathered crowd, focusing on his daughter.  “I didn’t prepare a speech today.  Mayor, as you’ve seen, it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m police chief.  I’ll protect innocent ponies until the day I die.  But I’m going to be honest with myself.  Someday, I’ll be too run down to do a good job of it.  My primary job today is to get this police department running, and finding somepony younger to take it over.”

“I think that’s an admirable goal,” Red Tape said.  “And I’m here to help.”

“Paperwork?” Gold Watch said.

Red Tape smiled.  “Of course.”

“Looks like you have a year’s worth of files in there.”

“Eighteen months,” Red Tape corrected him.

Gold Watch sighed.  “Okay.  Bring it in and put it on the first desk.”

“And I have something you might actually want to see,” Mayor Mare said.  She passed Gold Watch a scroll.  He unrolled it, revealing a poster.

“The Whitetail Wood 10K at Ponyville’s Running of the Leaves,” Gold Watch read.  The poster listed the date, time and prizes.  It looked a lot like the posters Dawn Runner would always tack to the bulletin board in the Canterlot police station.

“We set up the race according to the standards and notified the running organizations.  We’ll put up the posters around town closer to the date, but I thought you might like to have the first.  And though the race is still months away, it’s not too soon to think about volunteering.”

“Remind me later, but I’m sure I can help,” Gold Watch said.  “Celestia knows I’m not going to run again.”

Mayor Mare smiled.  “Glad to hear that.”

“How is the town recovering from Discord’s magic?” Gold Watch asked.

“Fairly well.  We still have a few townsfolk missing, mostly pegasi.”

“Missing ponies?”  Gold Watch leaned forward.

“Sorry, I forget you haven’t been in town long.  Nothing bad happened.  It’s just that, when strange things happen, a few of the town’s residents decide that it’s a good time to visit somepony, anypony who lives outside of town.  We’ve sent word to Cloudsdale that everything’s back to normal.”

“Really.  I hadn’t noticed that.”

“It’s one of those quirks about Ponyville that you’ll eventually pick up.  Let’s talk later about setting up a weekly meeting.”

“Will do.”

Gold Watch headed back inside, ready to tackle the gift left by Red Tape.  The paperwork was all too familiar.  Some of it he hadn’t personally handled since he was a rookie.  But it all needed to be handled if his police department wanted to be ready for any crisis.

His police department.  This was all real.

He had only finished with the first of many folders when a guest arrived.  It was a lime green unicorn stallion with a yellow mane, wearing the uniform of a Canterlot police officer.  He, too, carried a crate.  The unicorn looked familiar at first glance, and Gold Watch remembered his name once he looked at his cutie mark.  “Limelight?”

“Good to see you again, Sergeant, er, I mean Chief.  Chief sent me from Canterlot with some supplies for you.”

“Good.”  Gold Watch was glad that Mayor Mare was on the ball.  “Let’s see what you have.”

Limelight opened the crate.  Out came hoofcuffs, horn rings, wing binders, flashlights, truncheons, and all the sundry tools used by a police officer.  There was also a large bowl-shaped object.  “Can you activate the dragonfire font?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes,” he replied.  “Probably the reason why Chief sent me.”

Gold Watch nodded.  Limelight’s special talent was from the theater, specifically the behind the scenes technical work, and when he chose to become a cop, he was very helpful at keeping the variety of magical devices employed in the typical police station up and running.

“I’ll link this font to the police stations in Canterlot and Cloudsdale,” Limelight said.  “I’ll also include the link to Canterlot Castle, though you probably won’t need it.”

“Why’s that?” Gold Watch asked.

“You have a direct line from Canterlot to the Princess’s personal student.  And I hear she has an actual dragon.  So I figure she’ll be the one contacting Canterlot in an emergency.”

“But what if she’s the reason for the emergency?” Gold Watch asked.

“From what I’ve heard of her power, I hope for your sake that that’s never the case.”





Gold Watch worked through the day.  He organized the mess of papers, and posted a few official notices to his bulletin board.  The only strange thing in the file was an invitation to a party for the Cakes.  It had his name, today’s date, and the familiar three balloon stamp of every party invitation in Ponyville.  The one thing he didn’t see was any sign of Pinkie Pie.

Gold Watch shrugged and went about closing the station.  He locked his files and cleaned the coffeemaker.  The last task, before locking up, was to wash and dry his coffee mug.

Just like old times.

The party was already in full swing by the time Gold Watch got to Sugarcube Corner.  Pinkie Pie was right at the door to greet him with a cup of punch.  “Hey there, Mister Police Chief!  Thanks for coming and celebrating the Cakes’ new addition!”  The exuberant mare inhaled sharply.  “Oh no!  I need to plan your ‘Congratulations on becoming Ponyville’s police chief’ party!”

Gold Watch placed a hoof on Pinkie Pie’s withers.  “I appreciate the sentiment.  Really, I do.  But I just got honored by Princess Celestia for helping Ponyville while Discord was here.  And that’s enough of a celebration for this old stallion.”  He smiled warmly.

Pinkie Pie’s lip quivered for a moment, before she returned a smile.  “Okie dokie lokie!  Now come on!  There’s a party going on!”

Sugarcube Corner was busy, but not quite as packed as the normal Pinkie Pie party.  Gold Watch recognized many of the attendees as customers from the breakfast rush.  Others he recalled from the marketplace, including several of the ponies who sold fruit.  Pinkie Pie must have invited the bakery’s suppliers and best customers.

He wandered the crowd.  Carrot Cake was actively greeting ponies, while making sure the treats remained stocked.  Cup Cake sat at a table, resting her pregnant form.  Gold Watch joined the ponies who came to greet her.

“Never thought I’d attend a baby shower,” Gold Watch commented.

Cup Cake smiled a weary smile.  “I tried to explain to Pinkie Pie, but the poor dear couldn’t grasp the concept of a baby shower.  I think it’s because it calls for a small party.  Bon Bon is organizing the real shower.  Pinkie’s invited.  I hope she’ll appreciate when the situation calls for a small gathering.”

“Bon Bon?”  Gold Watch wasn’t that familiar with the town’s confectioner.  “I would have guessed Golden Harvest to organize your shower.”

“She wasn’t available.  Poor dear.”

Gold Watch nodded and rejoined the crowd.  Many ponies congratulated him on his new job.  “Could I ask a favor?” one mare continued.

“Sure.  What is it?”

“My name is Cheerilee.  I’m one of the town’s schoolteachers.  I’d like you to talk to my students about what it’s like to be a police officer.”

Gold Watch froze.  “Students?  How old are we talking?”

“Eleven and twelve, roughly.  Why?”

“There’s a lot about being a police officer that I wouldn’t want to tell to younger foals.”  He paused.  “Actually, I’ve never been good talking about my job.”

“Oh,” Cheerilee said.  “If you don’t want to do it....”

“No, I’ll do it.  I’ll just need some time.  You’re talking about doing this sometime after summer, right?”

“Right.”

“Then come by the station later, and we’ll schedule a time.  I probably won’t be that busy.”

She nodded.  “There’s thankfully little crime in Ponyville, but a fair amount of collateral damage,” Cheerilee noted.

Gold Watch was reminded of the situation in Ponyville mere days ago.  “Please, don’t remind me.”

Gold Watch returned to the snack table for another delicious cookie.  While there, he bumped into a late-arriving guest.

“Good evening, Colgate,” he said.

“Hi, Dad.”  In her magical aura, she carried a plate with celery sticks and cucumber slices from the forgotten corner table of healthy snacks.

“How’s work?”

“I have some patients rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon,” she replied.  “I’ll be spending tomorrow morning rechecking and sterilizing my equipment.”

“How’s everypony else at your office building?”

“I’m not really sure.  We were all there when Discord appeared.  It wasn’t a happy time.”

Gold Watch sipped his punch and looked around the room.  “Anypony else here?”

Colgate sighed.  “No, I didn’t come here with anypony special.”  She looked around.  “Nor did you.”

“No.  She’s still working.”  He paused.  “I asked her.”

Colgate raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“We’re special someponies,” Gold Watch continued.

Colgate embraced her father.  “I’m proud of you, Dad.  But best not to let Pinkie Pie know.”

A giant smile in a mess of pink filled the two ponies’ vision.

“Sorry, Pinkie Pie,” Gold Watch said.  “We don’t need a party.”





Colgate trotted into her office, breakfast in tow.  Snow Glimmer was behind the counter, reviewing files.

“What appointments do we have today?”

“I have Amethyst Star and Junebug with their regular appointments, Blossomforth rescheduled, and a new patient, Twinkleshine.  All in the afternoon.”

“Amethyst Star and Twinkleshine?  It’s like Winter Wrap-Up all over again!  Anyway, it’s about time Twinkleshine came in.”

“You know her?” Snow Glimmer asked.

“A little.  We attended Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns together, though she was three years behind me.  We bumped into each other during Winter Wrap-Up.  And I think she’s been in Ponyville for a while.  More than enough time to need a cleaning.”

“I’m sure you’ll have fun catching up.  Just let me remind you, Colgate, nopony can talk with a mouth full of dental tools.”

“A good dentist can figure out what her patient is saying, no matter how many tools are in her mouth,” Colgate retorted.  “And speaking of tools, we need to sanitize them this morning.”

“I thought you cleaned up after everything returned to normal,” Snow Glimmer said.

“I did.  But after what happened, checking things again can’t hurt.”

Colgate opened the cabinet with her tools.  She first scanned them for ambient magic, but found no lingering chaos magic; only the normal low-level power of the magic crystals was present.  Reassured that her tools wouldn’t attack her patients this afternoon, she placed them in the sterilizer, where hot steam would make them clean and safe.

As she finished replacing her tools, Colgate heard a knock on her door.  She trotted over and opened it, revealing a familiar face.  “Good morning, Sharp Eye!”

“Good morning!”  The bespectacled unicorn smiled.  “Are you fully recovered?”

“The office is fine.  Now I just need patients,” she replied.

“Do you have a patient now?” Sharp Eye asked.

“Not now.”

“Could you help me check my equipment?”

“Sure.”

Everything looked ordinary in Sharp Eye’s office.  The collection of glasses frames was back to normal.  Whatever the machine was that he used to test ponies’ eyes sat waiting to be used.

“My main concern is in making sure the phoropter is working,” Sharp Eye said, motioning to the machine.  “Could you have a seat?”

Colgate sat down.  “Is there any magic used in that... whatever?”

“No.  And there’s no lingering magic, but I still don’t trust it to be unaffected by the chaos.  Your vision is good, right?”

“Yes,” Colgate replied.

“What’s the lowest line you can read on the chart?”

“D E F P O T E C,” she read.

“Good.”  He swung the phoropter around.  “Now rest your forehead here.  Look at the bottom line.  Which of these is better, one or two?”

“One.”

“Hold on a second.”  Sharp Eye left and returned with a pair of glasses.  “Try these on.”

“How’s that going to help?”

“Since you don’t need corrective lenses, it will simulate a vision problem, which I will test.”  He flicked some lenses around.  “Okay, what’s better, one or two?”

“Two.”

“Three or four?”

“Three.”

“Everything looks good,” Sharp Eye said.  “Thanks, Colgate.”

“You’re welcome.”  She got up and walked back to the waiting room.  “So the only thing that happened here was changing these glasses?”

“Just the frames.  The glasses I asked you to wear weren’t changed.  And I’m really glad Discord didn’t change my own glasses.  I wouldn’t have been able to see you!”

Colgate turned her head sharply.  “What?”

Sharp Eye blushed.  “See anything!  I mean see anything!”

Colgate ground her hoof into the floor.  “Well, I’ll... let you get back to work,” she said, ducking out while trying to not meet Sharp Eye’s gaze.

She paused by her office and poked her head in.  “Snow Glimmer, I’m going for lunch,” she called.

Colgate wasn’t that hungry, but she did want to get outside.  Her thoughts turned to the eye doctor with the goofy glasses.  For all the prodding her father did, she never was sure if there could be something with him.  They were friendly, but he never really indicated that he was thinking about her.  Was he interested in something more?  Was he not ready?

Judging by what he let slip today, the answers to both of those questions were yes, as awkward as that was.

Colgate paused and lifted her head, looking at the beautiful blue sky.  A light breeze drifted by.  Best to clear her mind, and just enjoy the beautiful summer day.  She walked along happily.

Rather unlike the librarian trotting anxiously past her.





Gold Watch stopped by the marketplace following his morning patrol.  One day of doing nothing but paperwork was enough to convince him that a twice daily patrol was a good idea.  Already, he had introduced himself to dozens of ponies, and learned more about Ponyville than he had in a year as a retiree.

He didn’t need to introduce himself to the ponies working at the marketplace.  Applejack, Golden Harvest, Cherry Berry, Roma, and the others were all there, with plump fruits and vegetables for sale.  He trotted over to Golden Harvest’s carrot cart.

“That’s quite the promotion from retired gardener,” Golden Harvest quipped.

“Yeah, gardener.  I really don’t know what I was thinking,” Gold Watch replied.  “I’d like to pick up some carrots for lunch.”

“That I can do!” she said.  Gold Watch picked up a bunch, and levitated over the bits to pay for them.

“I missed you at the party yesterday,” Gold Watch commented.

“Yeah,” she muttered.

“Busy?”

“I... I’m happy for them.  I just wanted to spend the time with my husband.”  Golden Harvest shook her head sadly.

Gold Watch quietly stepped away, leaving Golden Harvest to her thoughts.  He couldn’t figure out what was bothering her.  The idea of spending time with his wife had never left him feeling sad.  Holding her as she slipped away was painful, but he relished each of those last moments.  But in any case, if Golden Harvest wanted to talk to him about it, she would open up in her own time.





“Open wide,” Colgate told her patient.

Twinkleshine obliged, opening her mouth as far as her jaw would allow.  Colgate telekinetically  moved her dental mirror and pick into her mouth, and she started scraping plaque from her molars.  Snow Glimmer stood by with water and suction hose.

“Have you been in Ponyville long?” Colgate asked.  Snow Glimmer just rolled her eyes.

“A-u a ee-ah,” Twinkleshine uttered.

“And what brought you to Ponyville?”

“Ah jah.  Ah ee-shin in-a-ah-in.”

“Well, I think you’ll do great.  You were always good with the youngest students at Celestia’s school.  Now spit.”

Twinkleshine leaned forward and spit.  “Is everything good?” she asked.

“Your teeth are in great shape,” Colgate replied.  “But I recommend you come in for a cleaning every six months, no matter how good your teeth are.”

“Okay.  It just was the furthest thing from my mind, being new to town and all.”

“If you’d like, I can make an appointment for some time in winter.  That way, you won’t have to worry about remembering to do it later.”

“Thanks, but I’ll stop by closer to then.  I need to know my class schedule.”

“Okay, then.  Have a good evening, Twinkleshine!”

“You too, Colgate!”

Once the patient departed, Snow Glimmer asked “What did she say?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?  She came to Ponyville a year ago to work as the kindergarten teacher.”

“I have no idea how you understood that.”

“There’s a class at dental college,” Colgate replied with a laugh.

“Kindergarten teacher?  That’s got to be nice.” Snow Glimmer said.

“I don’t know.  I haven’t thought about magic kindergarten in forever.”  Colgate placed her tools in the sterilizer.  “Why don’t you head home, Snow Glimmer?  I’ll finish up.”

“Sure thing!” she replied.

Once she closed up, Colgate headed to the end of the hallway and peeked in Sharp Eye’s door.  “Busy?” she asked.

“Just catching up on paperwork,” he replied, without looking up.”

“I’m heading to the park,” Colgate said.  “I feel like enjoying the rest of the day.  It’s also a nice place to talk, if you’d like.”

Sharp Eye looked up.  “That sounds like... yeah.  I think... that sounds nice.  But I really do need to finish this.”

“Okay.  I hope to see you there.”

Sharp Eye nodded.





As the sun headed toward the horizon, Gold Watch walked a patrol on the west end of town.  The parks and public spaces were being enjoyed by countless ponies of all ages.  Perhaps he’d ask Green Tea to come here one evening.  But for now, he was still on duty, even if nothing was likely to happen.

His ears perked.  He noticed a sound that definitely wasn’t nothing.  It was too familiar, the sound of ponies fighting.  And by the sound of it, it was a large fight.

Gold Watch galloped toward the sound.  Cresting a hill, he saw half a dozen ponies in a knock-down, drag-out fight, and more were being drawn in.  He tried to identify why they were fighting, but was interrupted as he felt a sensation, a tingle around his horn, a tickle in his mind.

Decades of police experience kicked in, and Gold Watch wove a fast mental barrier to protect against mind-influencing magic.  Once he no longer sensed the tug of the magic, he surveyed the situation.  Step one, protecting himself, was complete.  Step two involved shielding his fellow officers.  None were present, of course.  Step three, assist the guard and other officials.

He looked, and saw Mayor Mare right in the middle of the fight.  Too late for that.

The power of the mind-influencing spell was incredible.  The only reason it wasn’t overcoming his ward was that it wasn’t actively focused on him.  That left mitigating the situation, protecting civilians, and looking for somepony strong enough to cancel the spell.

Twilight Sparkle was also in the middle of the mob.

“I picked the wrong week to start this job,” Gold Watch muttered.  But still he acted, running ahead of the mob, ready to warn ponies to get out of the park.

As the sun set, a bright light filled the sky.  An unmistakable voice echoed over the park.  “Twilight Sparkle!”

Hovering in the air, the radiance of the sun surrounding her, Princess Celestia sent her magic into the mob, separating ponies and calming them.  Equestria’s sovereign then looked at Twilight Sparkle, who was cowering on the ground.  “Meet me in the library,” she ordered.

Gold Watch turned to the fighting ponies, seeing who needed help.  Fortunately, everypony looked okay, with only a few scrapes and hoof marks visible.  The ponies, looking confused, separated and went their own way.  Two of them he knew very well.

“Colgate?  Golden Harvest?”

“Huh?” Colgate said.  “Dad?”

“Gold Watch?” Golden Harvest said.

Gold Watch rushed over to his daughter.  He was worried, as she had apparently been fighting with a much stronger pony, but she just looked bruised and dirty.  “What happened?” he asked her.

“I... I really don’t know,” she said.  “There was something in there that I wanted.  No, I needed it.  But I have no idea why.”

“It was magic,” Gold Watch said.

“Colgate!  Are you okay?” another voice called.

They looked up as Sharp Eye rushed forward.  “I’ll give you two your space,” Gold Watch said with a smirk.

“Dad!” Colgate protested.

“What happened?” Sharp Eye asked.

She looked at the mayhem around her.  “I don’t know.”  She sighed.  “I picked a lousy day to go to the park.  Now I just want to get out of here.  Sorry, Sharp Eye.”

“That’s okay.”  Sharp Eye closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.  “Colgate, when you’re feeling better, would you like to meet after work, and talk over drinks?”

“You know what?  Forget later.  I want a drink now.  The pub down the street from our office building.”  She looked at her dirty coat.  “Let’s meet in an hour.”

Off in the distance, Golden Harvest and Gold Watch smiled.  “About time,” the stallion said.  He turned to Golden Harvest.  “I’ve got to get to the library.  Duty calls.”





Princess Celestia strode onto the balcony of Golden Oaks Library.  Twilight Sparkle rushed after her.  “Princess Celestia, wait!” she called.  “How did you know I was in trouble?”

“Your friend Spike made me aware that you were letting your fears get the best of you,” she replied.  “I commend him for taking your feelings seriously. Now, if you will all excuse me, I must return to Canterlot.  I’m expecting some mail.”

With that, Gold Watch watched Princess Celestia take off.  She made eye contact with him, and then banked, coming in for a landing outside the library.  Gold Watch bowed.

“Rise, Gold Watch.  How goes your job as police chief?”

He rose.  “I am protecting the ponies around me.  All feels right.  I just wish we didn’t already have a serious crime.”

Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow.  “And what is that?”

“Use of mind-influencing magic,” Gold Watch replied.  “Casting a spell upon somepony’s mind is a serious crime.”  He paused to see how Princess Celestia would react; she remained silent.  “You know I have to make an arrest, even if nopony wants to press charges,” he continued.

“To be clear, Twilight Sparkle cast her spell on her old doll, not another pony.  But tell me, Gold Watch, do you believe my student wished ill upon others?”

“No.”

“And why do you say that?”

“I’ve had years of experience judging ponies’ character.  I don’t see Twilight Sparkle as somepony who would harm another.  But I do see a mare who can make errors in judgment, and she possesses a level of power that makes those errors more dangerous.”

“That has been true of many of my past students,” Princess Celestia responded.  “First, let me settle this issue.  I, Celestia, Diarch of Equestria, do hereby pardon Twilight Sparkle for her misuse of magic today.”

Gold Watch bowed.  “As you wish, Princess.”

A smile crept into her solemn expression.  “But I do grant you permission to lecture Twilight Sparkle on the proper use of magic,” she said.

“But what can I say?  I’m not that magically inclined.”

“Gold Watch, I have mentored many students over the years.  They have often been unable to relate to me as a pony.  It is a failing of mine, one that manifested today in Twilight Sparkle’s unreasonable fear of failure.  I told her friends to watch over her, that they should always take each others’ feelings seriously.  But she also has much to learn about life.  And a pony who has fought for others for decades is just the kind of pony to help her consider the proper use of magic.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “You think she can be more than just the Element of Magic.”

“All ponies can become great.”  Princess Celestia smiled enigmatically.  “Until my next visit, my little pony.  May it come under happier circumstances.”

Gold Watch nodded and bowed as Princess Celestia took to the night sky.





Gold Watch returned home, where he hung up his uniform.  Over a light supper, he mentally reviewed the day.  A miscast spell, a fighting mob, running around town, and an unplanned royal visit.

And it was only his second day as police chief.

He was reminded of a thought he had quite frequently in his last years in Canterlot.

“I’m getting too old for this.”

> Chapter 10: Cider Season
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 10: Cider Season





“Are you looking forward to cider season?” Green Tea asked.

Gold Watch lifted his head and shifted his position on the sofa, where he was cuddling with his marefriend.  “What’s cider season?”

“The Apple family sells fresh pressed cider for one week each October.  It’s starting next weekend.  I would have thought Colgate would have taken you there last year.”

“She didn’t.  Though I do recall a week where Ponyville was eerily quiet.”

“That was probably it,” Green Tea said.

“I think I know what the problem is,” Gold Watch said.  “Colgate would say apple cider is full of sugar, and it’s bad for your teeth.”

“Is your daughter really that careful with her teeth?”

“Ever since she decided to become a dentist,” Gold Watch said.  “I’ve tried talking to her.  You know, everything in moderation.  Her mother tried talking to her.  But she’s adamant about setting a good example.”

“Seems a bit strange.”

“Yeah.  It’s not like she’s going to eat a cupcake, and the next day wake up with a mouth full of cavities.”

“And cider season is not just about the cider,” Green Tea said.  “It’s all about Ponyville, mingling with your fellow ponies and coming together to celebrate the town’s founding family.  That the cider is delicious is just an added bonus.”

Gold Watch gave Green Tea a quick peck on the lips.  “Sounds like a date.”

“Oh, and stop by my shop on tomorrow’s morning patrol.  I have a delivery to make, and would love the company.”

“A request for a police escort?”  Gold Watch lifted his foreleg to his head, to tip the hat he wasn’t wearing.  “Consider it done, ma’am.”





Gold Watch normally varied his patrols.  Unlike the guardsponies who needed to check on the Everfree Forest every day, he was free to walk to any part of Ponyville.  Without a schedule, and with stopping to converse with the locals, he couldn’t predict where in Ponyville he would be at a particular time.

The only thing he knew for sure was that the direct route from the police station to Green Tea’s shop took eight minutes.

Thus, at 11:08 the next morning, Gold Watch stepped into Green Tea’s shop.  “Good to see you,” she said.  “I’m just about ready.”  She balanced two crates on her back.

“Who is the delivery for?” he asked.

“The Ponyville Tea Room at the Yellow Daisy Social Club.  They’re my best customers.”

Gold Watch put on a mock frown.  “I thought I was your best customer.”

“I’ll call you my handsomest customer.”  She nuzzled him as she walked past.

Green Tea hung her “Be Back Soon” sign on her door, and the two ponies departed.

It was a rather short walk to Green Tea’s destination, a two-story cottage with a thatched roof and a balcony.  The door on the lower level was the typical split design, the bottom wood and the top decorated with a horseshoe and a flower.  The windows resembled the door in appearance, with the same picture on the shutters.

“This is... quaint,” Gold Watch said.

“Oh, I know it doesn’t look like much,” Green Tea said.  “The building’s seen better days.  But like I said, the Yellow Daisy Social Club is one of my best customers.  And since it’s hard for them to make the trip to my shop, I’m happy to deliver.”

Gold Watch was about to ask what she meant, but once he stepped inside, it was clear.  Not only was the building old, but so was everypony inside.

It had been a rather long time since Gold Watch had thought of anypony as old.

“Good morning to you, Green Tea,” an elderly mare said.  “And who is this strapping young stallion?”

“I’m Gold Watch, ma’am.  I’ve just signed on as Ponyville’s police chief.”

“Well, isn’t that nice.  Why don’t you take that upstairs, dear?”

“Yes, Mrs. Kettle,” Green Tea said.

“Ma’am, have you had this building inspected recently?” Gold Watch asked.

“Back in spring, dear.  I know it’s not much, but it’ll do.”

Gold Watch looked around.  The number of cracks in the walls and ceiling made him nervous.  He hoped the building hadn’t been damaged by Discord’s magic.  He slowly walked up the stairs, continuing his inspection.  The stairs creaked with each hooffall.

The upstairs was a small tea room, with a door open to the balcony.  More elderly mares and stallions sat in worn but comfortable chairs, sipping tea, playing games, or dozing.  Green Tea stocked the pantry with the tea and supplies she brought.

Gold Watch walked to the door and looked over the balcony.  Two mares and a stallion were standing out there, enjoying the fine day.  There was only the slightest of breezes.  So when the balcony creaked, he took notice.

Gold Watch spotted a crack on the balcony, close to the wall.  While he wasn’t trained in building inspection, it looked like a serious problem.

An elderly stallion, nearly bald, liver spots darkening his gray coat, started walking to the balcony.  “Sir, please don’t walk onto the balcony,” Gold Watch said.

The stallion continued walking.  “Sir?” Gold Watch said again.  When the stallion didn’t respond, he shouted “Sir!”

The stallion turned his head, but it was too late.  He was on the balcony, and the sound of cracking wood revealed that the balcony was about to collapse.  Gold Watch reached out his foreleg to the stallion, but he reacted in the worst way possible, running to the edge of the balcony.  All four ponies on the balcony did the same.

Gold Watch quickly assessed the situation.  The balcony was going to collapse.  His magic wasn’t strong enough to lift anypony, and he didn’t know any magic that could fix the balcony.  He raced down the stairs, hoping he would be in time to warn the ponies on the street.

As he ran, he heard a voice from outside.  “Never fear, your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!”

Gold Watch was just in time to see the well-known rainbow-maned mare fly underneath the falling balcony, arresting its fall and bringing the four trapped ponies to the ground safely.  Somehow, a crowd had formed, the disaster drawing everypony from the nearby streets.  Gold Watch helped the ponies off the ruins of the balcony and asked how they were.  They were shaken, but otherwise unhurt.

He then went inside.  “Everypony, please evacuate the building,” he announced.  “It is being closed in the name of public safety.”  He had to repeat himself with two of the ponies, shouting to make himself understood.

He climbed the stairs and repeated his announcement.  It didn’t wake two dozing ponies.

“Let me help you with the evacuation,” Green Tea said.  “A lot of the ponies here are hard of hearing.”

“I noticed.”

Green Tea and Gold Watch helped the last ponies out of the building, and then Gold Watch worked on crowd control, urging the gathered ponies away from the dangerous building.  It really did look like everypony was watching.  Including one familiar face.

“Colgate?”

“Hi, Dad.  Hi, Green Tea,” Colgate replied.

“Hello, dear,” Green Tea said.

“What are you doing here?” Gold Watch asked.

“I was going out for lunch, and heard something strange.  So I came over, and what do you know?  I was just in time to see the balcony collapse and Rainbow Dash swoop in.”

“You really do bear witness to a lot of the strange things going on in this town,” Gold Watch observed.

“I guess I can’t help being in the background,” Colgate said.

“Anyway, I’m asking everypony to step away from the building, just in case.  Have a good lunch, Colgate.”

“And I hope you have a nice lunch with Green Tea,” Colgate said.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Green Tea told Gold Watch.

“I’ll need to alert the mayor first, but how about after?   There’s a Hayburger nearby.”

“Such a romantic choice,” Green Tea replied with a laugh.

“Hayburger is fast.  And we’re both working.  Remember?”





Colgate headed back to her office following lunch.  Spending so much time watching the near disaster meant she had to eat quickly.  She hoped she wouldn’t face an upset stomach while dealing with her sure to be unpleasant appointment with the town’s stickler bureaucrat.

“I don’t even know why he comes in.  It’s not like he ever smiles,” she muttered.

“Who?” Sharp Eye asked.

Colgate halted; she had nearly run into her fellow doctor in the hallway.  “Sorry.  Just thinking about my next patient.”

“If he’s that bad, try thinking of something more pleasant.”  He paused, and then smiled.  “Actually, do you have any days off soon?”

“Tomorrow,” she replied.

“Great!  I have no appointments tomorrow.  So I was thinking of going hiking,” he said.  “I haven’t really been outside of Ponyville, you know?  So, um, would you like to go with me?”

“Sure.”

“You would?  Great!  I mean, I’m looking forward to it.”

“When do you want to go?” Colgate asked.

“Yes.  Time.  Um, meet at the park on the west end of town at 9:00?”

“Sounds good.  I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too!”

Colgate stepped into her office, where a sour-faced earth pony stallion was inspecting the walls.  “I’m sure you’ll find all the official documents posted, Red Tape,” she said.

“Yes.  Everything currently appears to be in order,” Red Tape replied.  “I was afraid you were going to be late, Doctor Colgate.  I wouldn’t want to exceed my designated lunch break due to your tardiness.”

“Believe me, Red Tape, I will make sure your teeth are cleaned as quickly as possible.”

She was already looking forward to tomorrow’s hike.





Colgate arrived at the park at 9:00 the next morning.  She packed light, carrying only a water bottle and some snacks in her saddlebags.  Sharp Eye was already there, pacing nervously.  He perked up when he saw her approach.  “Hi!” he called, waving.

“Good morning,” she said.  “Have you ever hiked before?”

“Not really.  It’s just walking, right?”

“Let’s not go too far, just in case,” Colgate suggested.  “Where are we going?”

“There’s really only two choices.  The trail by the river, or the Whitetail Wood.  I’d like to see the river.”

“There are two more choices,” Colgate noted.  “The Everfree Forest, if you’re suicidal.  Or Ghastly Gorge, if you’re suicidal and a pegasus.”

“I think I’ll stick with my first choice,” Sharp Eye said with a laugh.  “Let’s go.”

They left the town behind.  Soon, the only sounds were that of nature and their own hoofsteps.  It was a beautiful morning, just warm enough, reminding Colgate that colder weather would soon come.

If she were alone, Colgate would have been content to enjoy the hike.  Sharp Eye seemed to agree.  But just spending time together wasn’t going to get her to know her office neighbor better.  “So, you grew up in Canterlot, right?”

“Yes.  I spent most of my life in the Redbridge neighborhood, in midtown.  How about you?”

“Canterheart.  Different side of town, different restaurants, but otherwise probably a lot like your experience.”

“I thought you went to Celestia’s School?”

“I did, but I still got to enjoy a normal foalhood.  I spent weekends and breaks just like any filly.  Playgrounds, parks, or just running around in the street.”

“With stuck-up nobles raising their muzzles in the air?” Sharp Eye recalled.

“Of course!”

Colgate and Sharp Eye continued to reminisce as they hiked up the trail.  Soon, the dam came into view.  They stopped at the edge of the stream, with a clear view of the structure.  Behind the dam, the artificial lake was still.

“Do ponies come out to the reservoir in the summer?” Sharp Eye asked.

“I don’t know,” Colgate replied.

“Let’s take a break here.”  Sharp Eye opened his saddlebags, and pulled out an old blanket.  With his magic, he spread it on the grass.

“Oh!  Is this a picnic now?”

“Yeah.  Well.  A picnic would have been nice.  But I realized this morning that I didn’t have a basket.”

“I think we’ll be fine without one.”

Sharp Eye brought out a bouquet, which the two ponies snacked on while enjoying the weather and view.  “I still can’t get over all this open space,” he said.

“I like living in a house, and not sharing walls with neighbors,” Colgate said.

“I like never feeling like I have to dress up.”

“Me too.  What did you think of Ponyville when you first moved here?”

“I wasn’t sure I was going to like it.  Everything seemed so different,” Sharp Eye said.  “But it’s grown on me.”

“I felt the same way.  And my father... I saw him go through the same process.”  She sighed.  “Ponyville is just special that way.”

“And in other ways, too.  A lot of strange things in just one year.”

“Do you want to get going?” Colgate said.

“Sure.”  He gathered up the blanket, but then paused.  He dropped the blanket.  “Hold on.”

“What is it?”

Sharp Eye took off his glasses and stared at the dam.  “There’s a crack on the dam.”

Colgate couldn’t see anything, but if Sharp Eye saw something with his excellent distance vision, she was inclined to believe him.  “At least it’s not leaking, right?”

Sharp Eye facehoofed.  “You had to say that.  It’s leaking now.”

“What do we do?” Colgate asked.

“We need to tell somepony, and soon.  Can you teleport to town?”

Colgate shook her head.  “I never could master it.”

“There’s somepony!”  Sharp Eye pointed, and Colgate looked where he was pointing.  Rainbow Dash was flying by, and she appeared to have noticed the crack in the dam.

“Go back to town!  Get somepony!” Sharp Eye shouted.  But he was too far away.  Rainbow Dash tried plugging the leak by pressing her hoof over it.  Then she pulled her hoof away, and the crack got worse.  In an instant, the entire dam crumbled.  The mare was forced away by the wall of water.

By the time Colgate and Sharp Eye recovered and started chasing after her, they saw the pegasus rescued by a pony, one completely covered in a black outfit.  This pony, soon revealed to be a unicorn, unleashed a powerful spell, restoring the dam and redirecting the water.

“I think this is the end of our hike.  Sorry, Sharp Eye,” Colgate said.

“What?  Why?”

“We should get back to town and give a statement to the police about what happened here.”

“I never thought about that.”

“It comes with having a police officer for a father,” Colgate said.  “Let’s get your blanket before we go.”

“Okay,” Sharp Eye said.  They returned to their picnic site and picked up the dropped blanket.  Sharp Eye pointed again.

They both saw the cloaked figure ahead of them, and then they saw her spread her wings and take flight.





“And that’s what happened,” Colgate said after recounting their story to her father.

The quill in Gold Watch’s magical aura stopped writing.  He briefly reviewed his notes.  “Let me confirm.  Sharp Eye, you saw the crack in the dam?”

“Y-yes,” he replied.

”Did you see a glow, an aura, or other visual indication of magic?”

“No.  No, I didn’t.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “Now, this ‘Mysterious Mare-Do-Well’ figure.  You both saw her use magic?”

“Yes,” Colgate replied.

“Are you sure it was her?”

“It was clearly a horn under that hat, and we both saw her magical aura,” Colgate confirmed.

“What color?”

Colgate and Sharp Eye looked at each other.  “Violet?” Sharp Eye suggested.

“I think so,” Colgate said.

“And then, you saw the figure fly off under her own wingpower?” Gold Watch asked.  “Again, I’ll ask if you’re sure.”

“Yes, we both saw it,” Colgate said.

Gold Watch turned his paper 180 degrees, allowing Colgate and Sharp Eye a better look at the sketch he had made of the scene.  “You saw Mare-Do-Well here and here.  About how far apart were these two spots?”

“Maybe 200 meters?” Sharp Eye said.

“And how long was it between your two sightings?”

“Thirty-eight seconds,” Colgate answered.

“If she were running in a straight line, she could have made it from point A to point B.  But moving without you seeing her?  It’s very unlikely.”

“Dad, why are you more concerned about Mare-Do-Well than the dam?”

“I haven’t seen any indication that the problem with the dam isn’t an accident.  The mayor will probably tell me it was just another thing the town didn’t have the money to fix.  But if it wasn’t an accident, then she has something to do with it.  Besides, it’s a mystery.  It’s a case for me to crack.”

“So what do you think of Mare-Do-Well?” Colgate asked.

“My gut tells me she’s harmless.  But I’m glad you talked to me.  You’ve confirmed that there’s more than one mare behind the mask.”

“That’s right.  Even with the wings, they were obviously two different mares,” Sharp Eye said.

“How do you know?” Gold Watch said.

Sharp Eye paused.  “They looked different,” he said quietly.

“In what way?” Gold Watch asked.

Sharp Eye buried his head in his hooves.  “Please don’t make me say it,” he begged.

“I’m just interested in the facts, sir.”  He took a sip from his coffee mug.

“The second mare had... wider hips.  And a softer rump.”

It was a good thing Gold Watch possessed four decades of careful police training.  It was the only way he could keep from spitting coffee across the desk.  He set his coffee mug down.  “That’s all I need,” he said.  “Thanks, Colgate, for filing a report.  You too, Sharp Eye.  Now I have... paperwork to file.”

Sharp Eye stood up with remarkable alacrity and headed out the door.  His embarrassment was quite evident in the red showing through his pale yellow coat.

Colgate followed him.  “Wait!” she called.  “I’m sorry!”

Sharp Eye paused.  “Wait.  You?  But I was just talking to your father about other mares’ posteriors.”

“Don’t remind me.”  Colgate shook her head.  “Look, Sharp Eye.  I’ve never had a stallion meeting my father go well.  He just has a way of doing that.”

“Then do you want to....”

“Look.  I know you can’t help the way your eyes work, any more than I can help watching you and counting that it took forty-seven seconds for your blush to finally fade.  I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”





The next day, Gold Watch headed for Town Hall for his weekly meeting with the mayor.  Lime Swirl greeted him, and the mayor opened her door at the exact time for their meeting.  She was punctual, as long as you were meeting her.

He stepped into the office and looked around.  After his experience with one dangerous building and hearing about the dam, he couldn’t help but check his surroundings.  The cracks where the exterior wall met the roof looked troubling.

“I know, Gold Watch,” Mayor Mare said.  “I’m trying to find money in the budget for repairs.  The town really didn’t need a rampaging Ursa Minor and a spirit of chaos all in the same a twelve month period.”

“Do you have any update on that Yellow Daisy building?”

“The balcony is a lost cause, of course.  Keen Eye finished his inspection, and found a structural defect in the roof that also needs fixing.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the construction crew that was building the new apartment building has volunteered to handle the repairs while that investigation is going on.”

“Just like I first thought, there’s no evidence of foul play,” Gold Watch stated.  “It appears to be an equipment malfunction.”

“Keen Eye should have the site inspected and cleared for construction by the end of the week,” the mayor said.

Gold Watch nodded.  “With the things going on this week, I’m going to suggest a gate be built on that road that leads to the Ghastly Gorge.”

Mayor Mare sighed.  “If we had the budget, Gold Watch.”

“And the dam would be a pressing priority.”

“Keen Eye says the repairs are good.  Better than good.  The dam looks as good as the day it was built.”

When the mayor didn’t continue, Gold Watch finally spoke.  “Okay.  I have to ask.  Do you know what is going on with this masked pony?”

“I don’t know, but trust me, when you’re a mayor with a tight budget, you’re not going to turn down somepony willing to help the town for free.  Why?  Is the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well breaking the law?”

“There’s no law against wearing a costume, and there’s certainly no law against helping other ponies,” Gold Watch said.  “I’m just naturally suspicious of somepony hiding their identity.  Mayor, are you sure this isn’t the work of Princess Celestia?”

“The Princess has been holding court every day this week, according to what the paper reported.  And while she’s rumored to enjoy a prank or two, this really doesn’t sound like her.  Why do you say that?”

“I’ve interviewed some of the witnesses, including my daughter.  Multiple witnesses from the incident at the dam say she both used unicorn magic and flew away.  That means either it’s an alicorn, or multiple ponies under the mask.  I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.  And the latter worries me.  Conspiracies always do.”

“Conspiracy?  I think you’re overreacting,” Mayor Mare said.

“Conspiracy is the proper term, Madame Mayor.  I’m not truly worried about somepony anonymously doing good.  I just want to know why.”





Gold Watch stared at the bulletin board.  He had a map of Ponyville and its surroundings, with blue pushpins marking sightings of the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well.  Next to the map were lists of her various acts of heroism.

He heard the clank of armor as Red Sky crossed the room.  “You’re trying to find this Mare-Do-Well?” the guard said.

“Yes.  I’m trying to figure out what her plan is.”

“Why don’t you ask her?  The town’s holding a parade in her honor, at 1:00 PM.”

Gold Watch facehoofed.  “Why didn’t I think of that?”





Ponyville had Mare-Do-Well Fever.  Fillies wore Mare-Do-Well hats and cloaks.  Townsponies carried signs with her picture.  And they were all converging on a temporary stage by Town Hall.  There was a paper banner behind it, with her picture.  Mayor Mare stood at the podium, waiting for the crowd to finish gathering.

In the seven minutes before the official start of the festivities, Gold Watch searched the crowd.  He spotted his daughter, and wasn’t particularly surprised that Sharp Eye didn’t join her.  He noticed three of the Elements of Harmony, plus one of the trio of fillies about whom he had received warnings from just about everypony in town.

Mayor Mare banged her hooves on the podium.  “Welcome to Ponyville’s first, but surely not last, thank you parade, in honor of our city’s greatest hero, the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well!”  With excellent timing, the cloaked figure broke through the banner and stood with the mayor on stage.  The crowd cheered.  Colgate was among those cheering most loudly, rearing up and pumping her hooves in the air.

Gold Watch stared at the figure on stage, trying to identify who it was.  All he knew is that it wasn’t one of the ponies in the crowd.  The design of the outfit made it hard to identify anything about the pony, not even her type.  The hat and cloak were very well-designed, and could hide a horn or wings.  In trying to find something identifying about the figure, he found himself looking at the shape of her body.  She did look a bit plump.

He then saw Rainbow Dash move to challenge Mare-Do-Well.  “The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, huh?” she said.  “So what are you hiding?  Let’s see how mysterious you are without that mask!”  Rainbow Dash snapped at the mare, who stepped back.

Gold Watch moved to intervene, but then something caught his attention.  Two of the ponies in the crowd slipped into the alleyway.  He shadowed them, and saw two Mare-Do-Well costumes floating in a violet magical aura.  The costumes soon covered Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, and they dashed away.

“Guess there won’t be a parade after all,” Gold Watch said.

After a brief chase involving three Mare-Do-Well figures and one Rainbow Dash, the pegasus finally managed to corner one of them, revealing Pinkie Pie.  The others revealed themselves, and Gold Watch saw all six of the Elements of Harmony gathered together.

Once they finished sharing their life lesson, and headed their separate ways, Gold Watch trotted after Twilight Sparkle.  “Miss Twilight Sparkle, a word if I may?”

“Oh, good afternoon, Chief!” she replied.

“Excellent job fixing the dam.  May I ask how you came to be there?”

“Pinkie Pie said there was going to be a real doozy by the dam,” Twilight Sparkle replied.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, right.  You probably haven’t heard of Pinkie Sense.  Think of it as a powerful version of Starswirl the Bearded’s precognition spell, one that, somehow, an earth pony can use without conscious thought.”

“I’ve heard ponies talking about Pinkie Sense.  I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for it.”

“I recommend you don’t think about it,” Twilight Sparkle said.  “For that way lies only madness.  And I know from firsthoof experience.”

“All right,” Gold Watch said.  He looked at Twilight Sparkle.  “Now, do you remember what Princess Celestia asked of me?”

Twilight Sparkle bowed her head.  “Yes.”

“Let’s talk.  Shall we go to your library?”





Gold Watch sat at the table in Twilight Sparkle’s kitchen.  The librarian pulled a kettle, a teapot, and a box of tea leaves from the cupboard.  “Do you want anything?” she asked.

“Do you have coffee?”

“No, but I can get some.”  Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed, and before Gold Watch could protest, Twilight Sparkle teleported away.  Two minutes later, she returned with a bag of coffee beans.

“Green Tea says hi,” Twilight Sparkle said with a smile.

“I was going to say that tea was fine,” Gold Watch said.  “But thank you.”  He paused.  “Do you have a coffeemaker?”

“Darn it!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed.  “Wait.  I have something that could work.”  She left the kitchen and headed downstairs.  Gold Watch observed her enter the basement.  A minute later, she returned with a collection of laboratory glassware in her magical aura.  “I have a mortar and pestle for grinding, and the funnel and filter paper should work, right?”

“If it means I get coffee, it’s worth a try.”

While Twilight Sparkle’s tea seeped, she assembled a coffeemaker fit for a mad scientist.  It looked wrong, but what was coming out of the funnel was honest-to-goodness coffee.

Once both ponies had their hot beverage of choice, Gold Watch spoke.  “Do you think that was the best way to teach Rainbow Dash about the problems with having a big ego?”

“Well, it sounded like a good way to teach her a lesson.”

“Did you try talking to her?  ‘Say, Rainbow Dash, it’s great that you’re helping ponies, but if you’re doing it to get praise, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.’”

“Well, no.”

“So how did this come about?” he asked.

“I was talking about it with the girls, and we were worried about her drive to be known as a hero.  I did say that we were already heroes.  And Pinkie Pie suggested, what if we were superheroes?  It kind of exploded from there.”

“I’ve heard Pinkie Pie can be something of a prankster,” Gold Watch said.

“Oh, she is.”

“Then let me tell you about the Great Prank War of 1451.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at him curiously.  “The what?”

“You won’t find it in any history book,” Gold Watch started.  “It’s the story of a rookie cop in the Canterlot P.D. and the veteran who thought he needed to lighten up.  The rookie came to the decision that he wanted to put his special talent to use helping other ponies.  It’s a story every cop tells.  But this cop treated it very seriously.  Meanwhile, the veteran thought he needed to open up and have a little fun if they were ever to come together as a department.

“It started small; glued papers, hot sauce in the doughnuts, itching powder under the collar.  One day, the rookie was fed up, and decided to retaliate.  The veteran wasn’t happy to be the one being pranked.  So they kept trying to outdo each other, catching the rest of the department in their wake.  Even though it was all in fun, it ended up leaving bad feelings, and the rookie left.

“So what I’m saying, Twilight Sparkle, that if you decide to ‘show up’ Rainbow Dash today, she may decide to return the favor one day.  This summer, right before your incident, all you wanted was for somepony to understand your worries.  This week, you needed Rainbow Dash to understand your worries.  And you didn’t help her understand.”

Twilight Sparkle stared at her teacup.  “I never thought of it that way.”  She looked at Gold Watch.  “Do you regret what you did to that rookie?”

“What?  No, it wasn’t me,” he said.  Twilight Sparkle looked at Gold Watch crossly.  “No really.  Honest to Celestia, it wasn’t me doing the pranking.  I was one of the ponies caught in the crossfire.  Almost lost my coffee mug.”

“Okay.  I might one day ask Applejack to verify, but I’ll believe you.”

Gold Watch looked at Twilight Sparkle.  He recalled his conversation with Princess Celestia, and thought about how this librarian might someday be more.  “Actually, Twilight Sparkle, there are far worse things than prank wars that I’ve seen as a cop.  You wanted to send Rainbow Dash a message.  Well, rival crime groups send each other messages.  And the results aren’t pleasant.”

Twilight Sparkle gulped.  “Go ahead.”

Gold Watch recounted the fight between two rival gangs over the trade in illicit magical crystals.  He spared no details as he described six escalating incidents where these gangs sent each other’s messages.

Twilight Sparkle just shook her head.  “You had to deal with that?”

“I dealt with the aftermath, after ponies were already hurt, or dead.  The point is, ponies can be bad.  So when you have as great a friendship as you have with your friends, treasure it.  Don’t jeopardize it.”

“How did you deal with it?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“A whole lot of coffee.”  He looked at the flask, still half full.  “Want some?”

“I’ve never had coffee before.”

Gold Watch blinked.  “Really?”

“Well, Princess Celestia had a no coffee for small fillies policy.  So I just got used to drinking tea.”

Gold Watch levitated over a clean cup and poured the coffee into it.  “Give it a try.”

Twilight Sparkle sniffed the dark liquid, and gave it a taste.  She then took a larger swig.  “This is good!”

“I’m glad you agree,” Gold Watch said.  “And it’s better at keeping you awake than tea.”

“Honest?”

“Absolutely.”

Gold Watch smiled.  It looked like he found a convert.





“Hi, Colgate,” Sharp Eye said as they met in the hallway of their office building.

“Hi, Sharp Eye.”

“Since hiking didn’t work out, do you want to go get cider this weekend?”

“Oh.  I, ah, I’m not that into cider.”

Sharp Eye turned away.  “Okay.  If that’s how you feel....”

“No, wait!  Sharp Eye!” she said.  He turned around.  “I don’t mean that.  I just don’t like sweet foods.”

“But everypony I’ve talked to said Sweet Apple Acres cider is the best in the world!  I really wanted to try it this year.”

“I’ve heard it’s good, too.”

“Why don’t you come, just for the party?” Sharp Eye suggested.  “Pinkie Pie ran into me this morning.  Literally.  Then she told me about this big cider party she’s planned, that she wants to get everypony to come and party and then camp out.”

“That’s still not my favorite thing.”

“Actually, it’s not my thing either,” Sharp Eye said.  “But the weather is scheduled to be perfectly clear that night.  Do you like stargazing?”

“A little.  I mean, I haven’t done it in years.”

“Then how about this.  We show up long enough to say hi to Pinkie Pie.  We slip away and talk under the stars.  We camp out for the night.  And then we get cider in the morning.  And if you want to brush your teeth right after, I’ll understand.”

Sharp Eye held his breath.  Finally, Colgate responded.  “Okay.  I’ll give it a try.”

“Great!  Let’s meet at the site, around 8:00 PM.”





Colgate arrived outside Sweet Apple Acres at 8:08 PM Friday night, and levitated to the ground the load she was carrying.  The tent and bedroll were borrowed from her father.  While she had factored in the time it would take her to pick up the goods, and even her slower speed while carrying them, she hadn’t considered the time necessary to converse with his father’s guest.

Although she tried to get away from her father and Green Tea without any damage, she had let it slip with whom she was camping.  She got that look from her father and a knowing smile from Green Tea.  Still, they declined her offer to join them that night.  “We’ll be there bright and early tomorrow,” her father had said.

Colgate unpacked her tent.  She lit her horn and read the instructions.  It was going to be hard, but if she concentrated and was careful splitting her magic, she should be able to handle the assembly.  She finally managed the task, though it was hard with the struggling and cursing next to her.

She lifted the edge of the mess of canvas next to her.  “Need some help, Sharp Eye?”

“This shouldn’t be that hard,” he muttered.

“Do you have the instruction manual?”

Sharp Eye looked at her.  “I didn’t think I would need it.”

“Let me help.”  Colgate held up the canvas long enough for Sharp Eye to set the poles in place.  Once that was handled, the rest turned out to be easy, even without instructions.

Their tents set up, Colgate and Sharp Eye surveyed the scene.  At this point, they saw nopony.  But there was the sound of music and laughter from the first tent, which looked like Pinkie Pie’s.

“I’m going to stop in and say hi.  Maybe grab a snack,” Sharp Eye said.

“Go ahead,” Colgate replied.

Sharp Eye returned three minutes later with a plate of cookies, another plate with celery and carrot sticks, and an apple-themed party hat on his head.  “For you,” he said, passing over the plate of vegetables.

Colgate blinked.  “There’s a full Pinkie Pie party going on in that tent?”

“Her tent is surprisingly roomy,” Sharp Eye said.  “It kind of hurts to think about it.”

“Where do you want to go?” Colgate asked.

“That hill looks good.”

Sharp Eye spread a blanket on the top of the small hill.  He lay on his back and stretched out, placing his forelegs behind his head.  Finally, he levitated his glasses off his muzzle and placed them on the ground next to him.

“Come.  Sit down,” Sharp Eye told Colgate.

Colgate lay on the other side of the blanket and imitated his pose.  Just like the weather schedule said, the sky was perfectly clear.  The air was pleasantly crisp, and the moon cast a faint light on the countryside.

“I always loved stargazing,” Sharp Eye said.

“Why?”

“Because I could take off my glasses.  Under the night sky, I wasn’t the colt with the soda bottle glasses.  I was just another pony, looking to the heavens.”

“Having glasses was bad?”

“Yeah.  It doesn’t take much for one foal to make fun of another.  But I tell my patients that there are more important things in life, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to see things clearly.”

“It’s hard for me.  Nopony wants to go to the dentist, especially foals, and it’s hard to convince them of the importance of oral hygiene.”

“That’s because oral hygiene sounds like the least fun thing in the world.”

“Only if you’ve never experienced a root canal.”

Sharp Eye gazed at the sky for a while.  “Did you ever study astronomy, Colgate?”

“Only a little.  The normal class in school, and my mother tried to get me to appreciate it.  ‘The heavens are the domain of the unicorns’, and all that.  But the heavens never changed.  Well, at least back then.”

“They changed a little, but you had to be watching them constantly.  It was most noticeable on the first day of summer.  My stargazing friends and I would stay up all night, staring at the sky while waiting for Princess Celestia to raise the sun.  It was strange.  We always felt sad after that night, but we didn’t know why.”

“Princess Celestia was letting her regret color the night sky?” Colgate said.

“That’s what it was.  Now, Princess Luna is again in charge of the night sky.  And every night is something new to discover,” Sharp Eye said.

“When I look, all I see the familiar constellations.”

“There’s always more.  Try opening yourself to the heavens.”

Colgate looked to the sky, eyes unfocused, and touched the core of her unicorn magic.  It was not a form of magic that Colgate had used since finishing at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, but she remembered how it worked.  She felt the heavens, the guidance of the moon, the emotions of each star.  “I feel... excitement.”

“I feel it too.  Plus, a bit of nervousness,” Sharp Eye said.

“Are you sure that’s not you?”

“Oh, it’s definitely me.  But I feel it in the stars, too.”

Colgate concentrated, and she felt it.  Anticipation, or nervousness.  “Is this what Princess Luna is feeling right now?”

“Perhaps, but it’s likely only a hint of her full emotions.”

A breeze blew by, ruffling the hairs of Colgate’s coat.  She shivered.  She pulled out her own blanket and draped it over her form.  She sighed contentedly and watched the sky.

Another breeze came.  Colgate looked over at Sharp Eye.  “Are you cold?”

“I’m okay.”

“You’re shivering.”  Colgate lifted her blanket and spread it over the two of them.

There the two ponies stayed, staring at the night sky.  Sharp Eye seemed more nervous, and was very careful to keep his hooves on his side of the blanket.  Colgate thought about the week she had.  Those were some wild days!

But this evening?  This is nice, she thought.





Green Tea heard a knock on the door to her residence.  She opened it eagerly.  “Good morning, Gold Watch,” she said, looking at him curiously.

“What’s with that look?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m just so used to seeing you in uniform now.”

“I’m still a cop, even without the uniform.”  He pulled out his badge.  “But I’m looking forward to a quiet morning and some cider.  If it’s half as good as their apples, I know I’m going to like it.”

“Trust me, it’s better,” Green Tea said.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Just one minute,” she replied.  Green Tea went into her kitchen, and returned with packed saddlebags.  “Okay.”

With Celestia’s sun just above the horizon, Gold Watch and Green Tea walked through the quiet streets of Ponyville.  They reached the end of a lengthy line of ponies long before even seeing the gate to Sweet Apple Acres.

“Is it normally like this?” Gold Watch asked.

Green Tea shook her head.  “Normally, the line at dawn isn’t long at all.  Sorry, Gold Watch, they will probably run out of cider.”  She pulled out a magic-powered kettle from her saddlebags.  “Fortunately, I brought tea.”

“Need a charge?”

“Yes, please.”

Gold Watch used his magic to power the kettle’s crystal.  It glowed, and started heating the water inside.  “How long until it’s ready?”

“Ten minutes,” Green Tea replied.

“I’m going to walk down the line, and find Colgate.”

Green Tea nuzzled him.  “Okay, sweetie.”

To say that everypony in Ponyville was in line was not far from the truth.  Almost everypony had a tent or bedroll resting next to them, answering the question why the line was so long at dawn.  Gold Watch tried to name as many ponies as he could as he walked past them.

There were Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. He nodded to them; Rainbow Dash looked a little upset.

Lime Swirl.  “Good morning,” Gold Watch called.

Red Sky.  “Out of your armor for once?”

Twilight Sparkle and Rarity.  “Good day.”

Golden Harvest and Golden Grain.  “There must be something wrong in Ponyville.  You’re in the same place today!”

“It’s not like anypony’s at market today,” Golden Harvest replied.

Gold Watch was surprised to see both of the Cakes.  “Where are the little ones?” he asked.

“We made sure to get a foalsitter for the first day of cider season,” Cup Cake replied.  “It’s costing us the normal rate, plus two mugs of cider.”

“There’s no way we’re going to miss out on cider,” Carrot Cake said.  “I spent the night here just so my sweetums could have this delicious cider.”

“Oh, dearie, I know you just wanted a quiet night’s sleep.”

“Maybe that, too.”

Gold Watch reached the gate.  At the front of the line was Pinkie Pie, and surprisingly, Sharp Eye and Colgate were fourth and fifth in line.  “Did you two have a good night together?” he said.

“It was nice.  We talked, looked at the stars, and then retired to our separate tents,” Colgate replied, with an extra emphasis on the second-to-last word.

“Enjoy your cider.  It looks like I’m too far back in line to get some.”

“Sorry, Dad.  You’d best get back to your marefriend.  I’ll talk to you later.”

An hour later, Applejack announced that Cider Season was officially open.  Pinkie Pie pulled out two sacks of bits, and ended up walking away with the contents of an entire barrel.

Colgate dropped her two bits into the waiting chest, and before she could request to only get a smaller mug, the ever-efficient Apples pressed a mug, filled to the brim, to her hoof.

Sharp Eye and Colgate stepped to the side.  He took a sip.  “This is incredible!” he exclaimed.  He looked at Colgate.  “Aren’t you going to try it?”

Colgate stared at her sugary beverage.  She hesitantly took a sip.

“Well?  Do you like it?” Sharp Eye asked.

“It’s sweet, so of course it tastes good.”

“But do you like it?”

Colgate sighed.  “I haven’t had apple juice since I was a filly.  From what I remember of it, this cider is phenomenally better.”  She looked at her mug, still half full.  “But no matter how good it is, I don’t want to drink this whole mug.”

“Why not share the rest with your father?”

“That’s a good idea,” Colgate said.  “So, um, goodbye for now?”

“Yeah.  Uh, Colgate, I had fun last night, and I’d like to do it again, if you’re interested.”  He extended a foreleg.

“I did too, and yes, let’s get together again.”  Colgate looked at Sharp Eye, and instead of shaking his hoof, gave him a hug.  “Have a good day!”

Sharp Eye stood there, smiling, but unable to move.





Colgate walked down the line until he found his father.  He and Green Tea were seated, sipping from teacups.

“Hi, Dad,” Colgate said.  “Do you want the rest of my cider?”

“Sure.”  He looked to his companion.  “Green Tea?”

“You go ahead and have it.  You’ve never had the cider before, and I get it every year.”

Gold Watch nodded and took the mug.  He sipped the cider, and once he tasted it, he finished off the mug instantly.

“I take it you like it?” Colgate said.

“It was incredible!  I thought everypony was crazy for lining up like this, but now that I’ve tasted the cider, I see I was wrong.”

“Well, I’m glad you liked it.  Now, if you’ll excuse me....”

Colgate retreated over the hill.  “Is she going home?” Green Tea asked.

“Knowing my daughter, she slipped away to brush her teeth.”

“Really?”

“She takes her dental hygiene very seriously.”

Colgate returned three minutes later, her teeth shiny and white.  “Now, Dad, since I know you want to know, I decided that, maybe, it’s worth seeing if there could be something between me and Sharp Eye.”

Gold Watch smiled.  “That’s wonderful, dear.”

“But I’m not ready to use the c-word yet.  And I definitely don’t want to hear any talk from you about marriage.”  Colgate looked at the couple in front of her.  “Unless you’re talking about your own, that is.”

“That’s fair, Colgate,” Gold Watch said.  He turned to Green Tea; they shared a knowing look.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds be.  I’m going to hang around up front.”

“Have a good morning, Colgate!” Green Tea said.





The murmurs reached the back of the line.  The Apples were out of cider.  Shortly thereafter, somepony shouted “You always run out!”

“Sorry,” Gold Watch said to Green Tea.

“Like I said, I can come back tomorrow, and sharing tea with you made this time worth it.”

“Next time, I’ll ask you to bring coffee.”

Green Tea laughed.  “Shall we head home?”

Gold Watch’s ear twitched.  He turned in the direction of the crowd.  “I’m going to stay here.  The crowd doesn’t sound happy.”

“You think there’s going to be trouble?”

“Probably not, but the conditions are right for trouble.”

“Then I’ll stay, too,” Green Tea said.  “I want to see my police chief at work.”

“Hopefully, I won’t have to pull out my badge,” Gold Watch stated.

They headed to the gate of Sweet Apple Acres in time to catch the tail end of the debate.  “What do you think?” Green Tea asked.

“I can’t say for sure without knowing how they make cider,” Gold Watch said.  “But if it has to be fresh, and they don’t want to charge more, then there’s going to be a shortage.  If I had to guess, they consider first come, first served as the most honest way to handle it.”

The argument was interrupted by the arrival of a strange contraption.  It resembled a stubby locomotive engine, but on wheels, and it rolled until it bumped into the fence surrounding Sweet Apple Acres.  It was enough to attract the attention of the crowd.  But Gold Watch was focused on the two unicorn stallions riding the engine.

“What is it?” Green Tea said.

“These two look like con artists,” Gold Watch said.

“Are you going to arrest them?”

“They haven’t done anything.  I need something more than my gut.”

Gold Watch committed the appearance of the two unicorns to memory.  They were almost certainly brothers.  Calling themselves traveling salesponies, apple cutie marks, a likely aptitude for magical machinery.  He searched his memory of wanted criminals, but couldn’t think of any that matched.

He felt his hoof tapping.  Now the two of them were singing, and it was a catchy tune.  He resisted the urge to dance, and facehoofed once he saw Colgate caught up in the music.

At the end of it all, they tried to sell their machine to the Apples.  They refused, loudly.  That was followed by the brothers saying something quietly to the Apples.

“What do you think that was?” Green Tea asked.

“I’m going to find out,” Gold Watch replied.

Once the brothers departed, riding their machine, and the crowd dispersed, Gold Watch walked up to Applejack.  “Good day, Miss Applejack.  I’m Chief Gold Watch.”  He flashed his badge.  “May I have a word?”

“Well, howdy, Mr. Police Chief!” Applejack said, shaking his hoof enthusiastically.  “Sure, I can spare a moment.”

Gold Watch tried to shake some feeling back into his foreleg.  “What did the two of them say to you?”

“They said they’d run us out of business.  But don’t you worry none.  They’re just full of hot air.”

“Yes.  There’s no crime in competing, but there are plenty of crimes somepony could do while competing.  If you have any questions, or you see something suspicious, the door to the police station is always open.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, sir.  Now, if you don’t mind, we’ve got some more cider to make!”

“Have a good day.”

Gold Watch headed back to Green Tea.  “What happened?” she asked.

“Nothing yet.  But I’m going to investigate.”  He gave her a kiss.  “Sorry, but duty calls.”





Gold Watch’s first stop was the police station.  He wrote up a description of the two suspicious individuals calling themselves Flim and Flam, and fired it off to the police station in Canterlot.  An hour later, he received a response; there were no known criminals resembling these two possible con artists.

Up on his bulletin board went all the information he knew.  What didn’t make sense to him is why two unicorns were so interested in cider.  Perhaps it was, as the saying went, what their cutie marks were telling them.

He would have to wait to see their next move.





The next day, Gold Watch was there as he saw their next move.  He could only watch, as nothing they did was illegal.  And when it was done, he headed back to town, and stopped at Green Tea’s shop.

“What’s wrong, Gold Watch?  You have this twitch above your eyes.”

“I hate seeing ponies act stupidly!” he screamed.

“Now, now.  Why don’t you have a cup of tea and talk about it?” Green Tea said.  “I have a nice apple cinnamon herbal tea brewed.”

“Apples are the reason why I have a headache right now,” Gold Watch said.  He recounted the bet he saw Flim and Flam make with the Apples.

“So they goaded them into betting the farm?” Green Tea asked.

“Sounds like it.  They talked about the exclusive right to sell cider.  I don’t know if that’s a law, but it probably is, and if it is, then they both know about it.”

“That’s terrible.  I always liked the Apple family.”

“If you want to support them, they’re holding a contest for who can make the most cider tomorrow.  I’ll be there, making sure nothing else goes wrong.”





The next morning, ponies weren’t lined up to buy cider.  They instead gathered to watch cider being made.  Gold Watch arrived in the company of Green Tea.  The police chief, out of uniform, surveyed the crowd.  He noticed many of the same ponies in the crowd, including Colgate, Sharp Eye, and the Goldens.  Even the mayor was there, standing next to a giant hourglass with another stallion.

“Is that stallion a relative of yours?” Green Tea asked.

Gold Watch looked at the stallion, who possessed a cutie mark much like his daughter’s.  “He’s almost certainly a distant relative, but no, I don’t know him.”

“Can they really drive the Apples out of business?”

“I spend much of yesterday reading law books, and the answer is yes.  But there are so many loopholes, and ways to fight it,” he replied.  “The only way a bet like this could work for Flim and Flam is if the Apples honestly abide by it.”

“Well, the family’s always been known for honesty,” Green Tea observed.  “And thanks to the Elements of Harmony, now all of Equestria knows that.”

“Hmm.  You might be on to something, Green Tea.  It would explain why they’re here, out of all the apple orchards in Equestria.”

Gold Watch and Green Tea moved to the front of the crowd, to get a better view.  They watched the competition, which was not going well for the Apples.

Twilight Sparkle noticed the same thing, and asked if honorary family members could participate.  Soon, the Apples had five more workers, and they finally began to outperform the brothers’ machine.

“That was smart of her,” Gold Watch said.

“What do you mean?” Green Tea asked.

“She saw that something needed to be done, and she found a way to phrase it reasonably,” Gold Watch replied.  “Of course, it wouldn’t have worked if they weren’t so overconfident.  A lot of con artists fall to their own arrogance.”

Unfortunately for the Apples, the brothers noticed they were losing ground.  Their machine wasn’t operating at full speed, and once it was powered up, they were again outperforming the Apples.  Gold Watch could see them getting nervous, which in his experience meant they would be more likely to make a mistake.

Once the last grain fell from the hourglass, it was clear that Flim and Flam had won.  The Apples looked like they accepted their fate.  But then the brothers opened their barrels of cider.  And nopony wanted any of it.  The brothers, bested, retreated on their strange engine.

“It looks like the exclusive right to sell something nopony wants to buy isn’t valuable after all,” Green Tea said.  “Wait.  Does that mean the Apples can’t sell cider right now?”

“There was only an oral contract, and Flim and Flam voluntarily rescinded it.  So everything’s back to normal.”

“Good.  How about some cider?”

“An excellent idea.”





All of Ponyville celebrated the surplus of cider with an impromptu party.  Even Colgate was convinced to have another half mug.  Once the party started to die down, Gold Watch sought out Applejack.  “May I offer a word of advice?”

“Is it ‘don’t do that’?” Applejack said.

“I was going to use a few of the more colorful words I picked up on the force, but yes, that’s my advice.”

“I know it looks bad, but we had our own angle.  The southern orchard was infested by fruit bats, which those two no-good ponies would have known, if they had ever done some honest work in an orchard.  Figured they couldn’t get enough apples to make cider.”

“Looks like you underestimated their machine.”

“Eeyup.  A little.  But I was right.  Ponyville wants quality cider.”

“And they want more of it.  You think your honorary family members might help out next year?”

“I know one of them will help out, if we offer her a barrel of cider.”

“I hope you’ll do it.”  He pointed to Green Tea.  “Do you really want to tell that sweet mare that you’re out of cider?”

“I hate to tell anypony that,” Applejack said.  “Cider making’s a business, but it’s also very personal.  You know what I’m saying?”

Gold Watch thought about Green Tea and her shop.  He thought about his daughter and her office.  And he thought about his own long career.  “I sure do, ma’am.”

> Chapter 11: Nightmare Night
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 11: Nightmare Night





“Things going well for you, Mayor?” Gold Watch asked.  He shifted uncomfortably in the chair opposite Mayor Mare.  The mayor’s office was as cluttered as normal, but she looked a bit worried.

“As smooth as we could hope, Chief,” Mayor Mare replied.  “We have enough funds to keep the town running until next year’s taxes are due.  But I don’t think we could handle another disaster in town right about now.”

“Then I’m glad things are quiet.  Even Red Sky has observed the Everfree being quieter than normal.”

“There is one thing.  We’ve received notice of a royal visit at the end of the month, and we need the town to be ready,” Mayor Mare said.

“Is there some official notification for that?  From what I’ve seen, Princess Celestia visits whenever she feels like it,” Gold Watch said.

“That’s just it.  It’s not Princess Celestia.  Princess Luna is coming to participate in this year’s Nightmare Night festivities.”

“Really?”  Gold Watch hadn’t thought much about the returned lunar princess.  Some of his fellow officers in Canterlot had mentioned something about night court, but other than that, Princess Luna kept a very low profile.

“Yes.  And we need to be as welcome as possible.  Word is Princess Luna is still uncomfortable in large groups.  Princess Celestia hopes that this festival honoring her sister will help her open up.”

“Okay.  I’ll spread the word through town.  Fortunately, there isn’t anything else pressing.”

At that moment, the door to the mayor’s office burst open, and a panicking Twilight Sparkle ran in.  In the distance, Lime Swirl mouthed “Sorry!” to the surprised mayor.

“Mayor!  Chief!  I have terrible news!  There’s going to be a disaster in town.  Soon!” Twilight Sparkle yelled.

“What?  This is terrible!  There is no way the town can handle this,” Mayor Mare said.

“Now wait, hold on, Mayor,” Gold Watch said.  “Twilight Sparkle, what do you mean?  What kind of disaster?”

“That’s just it!  I don’t know!  My future self came and warned me, but couldn’t tell me what it was in time,” she replied.

“Wait.  Future self?  Like time travel?” Gold Watch said.

“Yes, exactly!  From the way she looked, something terrible happened.”

“When?” Mayor Mare asked.

“Next Tuesday!  It’s terrible!  We have to be prepared for anything!”

“Well then, it’s a good thing Ponyville created a new disaster-preparedness plan,” Gold Watch said, looking pointedly at the mayor.”

“Right,” Mayor Mare stated.  “Chief Gold Watch insisted we update our plan after the Discord incident.”

Gold Watch bit his tongue; “update” wasn’t exactly the correct word for a plan that didn’t previously exist.  He watched as the mayor pulled out a thin folder.  She opened it, only to have Twilight Sparkle snatch the papers in her magical aura.

Twilight Sparkle rapidly read through the plan.  “Okay.  There’s not an immediate danger, so we don’t need to get ponies to safety, but I’ll keep the alert system in mind.  Securing the town infrastructure we can do.  And spreading the word to Cloudsdale and Canterlot.  That’s right!  The danger could be coming from anywhere!”

“You should also alert the other Elements of Harmony,” Gold Watch added.

“Of course!  I’ll make sure they’re involved.”  Twilight Sparkle ran out of the room, letting the papers fall to the floor.  Gold Watch caught them just before they hit the ground.

“So what do you think, Chief?  Are we really doomed?” Mayor Mare said.

“My gut tells me no.  I’m having a hard time coming up with a disaster scenario that could happen in Ponyville by next Tuesday.”

“Well, I suppose the gate to Tartarus could open,” Mayor Mare noted.

Gold Watch facehoofed.  “Oh, yeah.  That.  Remind me why there’s a gate to Tartarus in Ponyville?”

“It has to be somewhere, right?”

“Okay.  I’ll make sure to patrol the gate on a continual basis.  Meanwhile, I’m going to try to figure out what Twilight Sparkle saw, and then come up with a plan for the princess’s visit.”

“That’s right.  We can’t forget about the princess!”





Colgate trotted through town on her lunch break, enjoying the fine fall weather and wonderful aromas coming from the restaurants around the center of town.  She was so focused on the board listing the specials of one restaurant that she didn’t notice the mare crossing her path.  Two ponies collided.

Fortunately, the only thing hurt was Colgate’s pride.  “Sorry about that, Twinkleshine,” she said.

“That’s okay.  As long as you don’t try to knock out a tooth so you can get more business!”

Colgate laughed.  “I’m plenty busy enough.  How about you?  How’s the teaching?”

“Oh, the little ones are such a hoofful, but I love teaching them.  Still, it’s nice to get away from the school for lunch on the days I don’t have lunch duty.”

“Same here.  The office is just so sterile.”

They trotted away, and then both turned their heads at the sound of another collision.  “Must be an epidemic,” Twinkleshine quipped.

The mare sprawled on the ground, Fluttershy, looked unhurt, though the contents of the bags she was carrying were scattered all around her.  But Colgate’s attention was drawn to Twilight Sparkle, who jumped onto a post by the bridge.

“Listen, everypony!  I’ve got something really important to say!” she announced.  Unfortunately, nopony was taking her seriously, thanks to the silly party glasses that had somehow landed on her muzzle.  Colgate remembered those glasses as Discord’s gift for Sharp Eye’s office.

“This is no laughing matter! We have a crisis on our hooves!” she continued, once she removed the ridiculous glasses.

That got everypony’s attention.  Colgate and Twinkleshine leaned in closer.

“I’ve just been visited by myself from the future!”

Again, ponies laughed, but not Colgate.  “I think she has the magical power to do it,” she observed.  Twinkleshine nodded; they both knew her reputation from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.

They ignored the panicking Pinkie Pie and listened as Twilight Sparkle outlined her plan.  “What does disaster-proof Equestria mean?” Twinkleshine asked.

Colgate sighed.  “I’m not sure what it means for the rest of Equestria, but for us, it probably means working together to make Ponyville safe.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No.  I love the feeling of coming together.  It’s just that it means a whole lot of rescheduled appointments after.”

“I never thought about that,” Twinkleshine said.





That evening, Colgate heard a knock on her door.  She wasn’t expecting visitors, so she peeked out the curtains.  It was a visitor she would always welcome.

Colgate smiled as she opened the door.  “Hi, Dad,” she said.  “What brings you around?”

“Work, actually,” he replied.  “What do you know about time travel?”

“You know, Dad, normally I’d be asking if this was a joke, but I saw Twilight Sparkle today.  Come, sit down.  Care for something to drink?”

“Just water,” Gold Watch replied.  He knew not to bother asking for coffee or tea, since his daughter never touched them, as both those beverages stained the teeth.

Colgate headed to the living room with two glasses of water, and passed one to her father.  “So, time travel,” she said, getting comfortable on the couch.  “At Celestia’s School, new students are told three spells never to try.  Don’t raise the dead, don’t travel through time, and don’t animate the cleaning supplies.”

Gold Watch choked on his water.  “Isn’t that third item a little different from the rest?” he asked.

“Sure, but it’s also the one foals will actually attempt.  At least once a semester, some room on campus is flooded because somepony tried to take a shortcut on her cleaning duties.”

“So students are told not to do it.  But is it possible?”

“It exists.  Star Swirl the Bearded is said to have created the first spells, like pretty much every field of advanced magic.  It begins with the magical framework of teleportation, and folds in cosmic magic, and so it requires such a level of magic that very few ponies could ever hope to attempt it.”

“I think it’s reasonable to assume that Twilight Sparkle is one of those few ponies.  So how would it work?”

“Sheesh, Dad, you’re asking me to remember details from, like, one lecture in one class years ago!” Colgate complained.

“Just do your best.  I can always try talking to one of your former classmates in town.”

“Okay.  I remember that it’s not possible to go forward in time.  Well, other than one minute in time.  And time travel is only temporary.  And it’s theorized that there’s some powerful magic, like the poorly understood principles underlying all matter and magic in the universe, that would prevent one from changing the past to alter the future.”

“So if Twilight Sparkle did travel back in time, it was all for nothing?”

“I have no idea.  I was never able to get advanced magical theory.  But you’re still going to stop any disaster, right?”

“Of course,” Gold Watch stated.  “That’s my job.”





“How are things going?” Green Tea asked.

Gold Watch was taking a break from his increased patrols, stopping in his favorite shop.  “It’s been busy, but I’m looking forward to this being over.  Nightmare Night is coming up, and Princess Luna is visiting.”

“So I’ve heard.  Do you have your costume picked out?”

“I intend to be in uniform,” Gold Watch stated.

“Well, that’s no fun,” Green Tea pouted.  “Everypony dresses up.  Even the mayor.”

“Nightmare Night is a time for foals to engage in mischief.  And seeing a police officer encourages them to remember to keep it to mischief.”  He paused.  “So what’s your costume?”

“I go as green tea.”

“You go as yourself?”

“No, I wear a costume that resembles a tea bush.  And I add some fresh tea leaves for that touch of authenticity.”

Gold Watch chuckled.  “I can’t wait to see it.”

“And how goes the saving of Equestria?” Green Tea asked.

It was Monday morning, and reports from across Equestria had given the all clear.  “I’m really wondering if the actual crisis was the breach in the gate to Tartarus.”

“I thought you said that was resolved,” Green Tea said.  She offered Gold Watch a cup.  “Tea?  I’d offer you coffee, but as you can see, somepony bought all the coffee.”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Gold Watch guessed.  He took the offered cup of tea.  “As for the Tartarus incident, it was resolved, and rather easily.  Cerberus escaping was a fluke, and the seal has been reinforced.  But Twilight Sparkle is still convinced there will be a disaster by tomorrow morning.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.  I’m worried about her.  I don’t think she’s slept in days.”  He set down his cup.  “But I’m not going to take any chances.  Red Sky is patrolling overnight, and I’ll be rising before dawn to join him.”

“Then can you stop by this evening?” Green Tea asked.

“I’d love to,” he replied.

“Because if this is going to be our last night on Equestria, then let’s make it a memorable one.”





Colgate stepped out of office and locked up.  Down the hall, Sharp Eye was doing the same.  “What a day,” she said.

“I couldn’t agree more.  I hate all this rescheduling.  I had a full schedule of patients.”

“Me too.  But it was nice working together to keep Ponyville safe,” Colgate said.

“Yeah.  And I was glad to work alongside you,” Sharp Eye said.

“Yeah,” Colgate replied with a smile.  “But I think we both learned never to work with mortar again.”

“But seriously, what is wrong with that dam?  I thought it was just fixed,” Sharp Eye said.

“Maybe the magical repair wasn’t good enough.  Or maybe some monster from the Everfree uses it as target practice,” Colgate said.

“Maybe.  All I know is I ruined one brush trying to get the dried mortar out of my coat.”  

Sharp Eye paused, and Colgate looked at him expectantly.  “Yes?” she finally prodded.

“I, um, are you planning on going out on Nightmare Night?”

“Yes.  And I’d love to share the evening with you,” Colgate said.

“Great.  Thanks.  I still need to work on a costume, though.”

“What did you have in mind?” Colgate asked.

“Some kind of golem.  My glasses do resemble what the eyes of an artificial pony would look like.  I just need to assemble something out of cardboard and paint it.”

“Let me help you,” Colgate said.  “My own costume is done.”

“What are you going as?”

“I just wear my scrubs,” Colgate said.

“Isn’t that a little simple?” Sharp Eye said.

“Think about it.  The night is all about little foals getting a fright.  And what’s scarier than their dentist?”





Gold Watch whistled happily, despite it being hours before dawn.  He walked through the quiet streets of Ponyville, illuminated only by the light of the nearly full moon.  He noted that, for the first time in days, the library was dark.  Maybe Twilight Sparkle had finally accepted that no disaster was going to befall Equestria.

He walked into the police station and started up the coffeemaker.  If something did happen, he wasn’t going to face it without his vital elixir.  The coffee was soon brewed, and he was pouring his first cup when Red Sky entered the building.

“Care for a cup of coffee, Lieutenant?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes, please,” Red Sky said wearily.  He took the offered mug in his hooves and sipped.  “Thanks, Chief.  You’re a lifesaver.”

“Just doing my job.  Anything to report?”

“All clear.”

“Good.  It looks like you need to go home and get some rest.”

“No way.  I’m going to stick this out until dawn.”  He looked out the window, into the night sky.   “Are you sure the deadline is dawn, and not midnight?”

“Twilight Sparkle is sure.  She’s told me dawn, specifically, on four different occasions, not to mention all the times she told the mayor about it.”  Gold Watch sipped his coffee.  “Right now, I’m more worried about her.”

“I know.  She talked to me three times, something about monitoring everything, and she’s looked worse each time.  Smelled worse, too.”

“So what do you think?” Gold Watch said.  “Shall we greet the dawn?”

“Let’s go.”

Gold Watch and Red Sky walked a circuit through Ponyville.  The faint light of false dawn came within the hour.  Gold Watch honed his senses.  He looked in all directions for something unusual.  His ears swiveled to pick up stray sounds.  His mental clock counted down the minutes until sunrise.

Gold Watch held his breath as the last seconds passed.  The sky illuminated as Princess Celestia moved the sun just above the horizon, signaling the start of a new day.  And nothing greeted Gold Watch and Red Sky but the chirping of birds.

“Guess we will live to see Nightmare Night,” Red Sky said.

“You participating in the festivities?”

“No, I’ll be training in Canterlot.  Silver Shield will be here, which is good, because he can spend the evening with his sons.”

“He never mentioned anything about foals,” Gold Watch said.  The guardspony normally kept to himself.

“One’s grown.  Thunderlane.  He’s on the weather team.  Rumble’s school-aged.  Thunderlane watches over him when Silver Shield’s out of town.  Most of the time, it’s just the two of them.”

“Their mother?” Gold Watch said.

“He’s never told me the story.  All I know is she left them eight years ago.”

“Ah.”

“But Silver Shield’s strong, and his foals are turning out well.”

The first signs of activity greeted Gold Watch and Red Sky, as the pegasi of the weather team worked to clear the stray clouds from the sky.  “Ready to call it a night?” Gold Watch asked Red Sky.

“Night, day, whatever.  I’m going off duty.”

The two ponies returned to the combination guard post and police station.  Red Sky stored his armor and headed home.  Gold Watch settled in with a second mug of coffee and a stack of paperwork, preparing for a normal day.  After paperwork would come his morning patrol, followed by lunch.  He would be back in the station by 1:00, in time to get the mail, which always came within a few minutes of 1:15.  Then an afternoon patrol, visiting a different part of Ponyville.  Finally, he would head home.

Home.  Too often, he spent the evening home alone.

His thoughts were interrupted by the roar of the dragonfire font.  Gold Watch jumped; a message sent by dragonfire was almost always an emergency.  He unrolled the scroll and read.



Chief Gold Watch:

I am happy to report that there is no crisis coming to Equestria today, and even Twilight Sparkle, who came to Canterlot last night, has acknowledged it.  She has come to learn a lesson about misunderstanding and misinterpreting magic.  For now, she is confined to a room, with orders to get a good night’s sleep.

Please share the good news with Mayor Mare and the guards in town.

HRH Celestia, Diarch of Equestria



Gold Watch breathed a sigh of relief.  He looked again at the scroll.  “My first official correspondence from the princess!” he said to himself.  “That’s going on the bulletin board.”





Colgate navigated a tree-lined street in an unfamiliar part of town.  Checking the slip of paper with directions, she found her destination, a small home with a thatched roof.  She walked to the door, raised a hoof, and knocked.

The sound of something falling and the sound of hooves preceded the opening of the door.  “Hi, Colgate!” Sharp Eye said.  “Come in!”

“Hi, Sharp Eye.  Sorry I’m late.  I needed to stop by the library,” Colgate said.

Colgate entered Sharp Eye’s home for the first time.  Looking around, she found a utilitarian living space.  There weren’t many adornments.  A few pictures hung on the wall, of Sharp Eye and what were probably his parents.  There was a bookshelf stuffed with books, a phonograph, and not much else of note.  The living room was currently a mess, filled with empty cardboard boxes and various craft supplies.

“I’m still trying to figure out my costume,” Sharp Eye said.

“Looks like you have plenty of raw materials.  Have you thought about what kind of golem you want to make?”

“Um, no.”  He levitated over some rough sketches.  “I focused on how to build it.”

“Stallions,” Colgate grumbled.  She pondered her question.  “What about the guardian from Daring Do and the Shrine of the Coatl?  That statue was described as having diamond eyes.”

“Hey, that’s a good idea!” Sharp Eye said.  “I think the book has an illustration of the guardian.  He looked over to his bookshelf, and picked up his copy of book.

Colgate leaned in as Sharp Eye flipped through the pages with his magic.  “There!” he said.  Colgate looked closer, accidentally bumping Sharp Eye’s muzzle.  She caught his eye, and they both inched back, blushing.

“Right.  Ah, here.”  Sharp Eye levitated the book closer to Colgate.  The guardian illustrated had blocky stone limbs and a tail made of chains.  But its most fearsome feature was its head.  Blank diamond eyes, a mouth perpetually shaped into a leering visage, and a strange headdress marked the alien shrine guardian.

“I’m not sure how that’s going to look made out of boxes,” Sharp Eye said.

“Then it’s a good thing I picked this up from the library,” Colgate said.  She lifted a book from her saddlebags.

“A book on foals’ crafts?”

“Well, this costume is an arts and crafts project.  And since I doubt either of us have done anything like this in years, this should help.”  She flipped through the book.  “How about making the mask out of papier-mâché?”

“That could work.  Um, what do we need?”

Colgate referred to the book.  “Newspaper, water, flour.  And some wire to make a frame for the mask.”

“I have that.  I’ll go get the wire and the newspaper.  Can you make the paste?  Everything you need is in the kitchen.”

“Okay,” Colgate said.

Colgate headed into the kitchen.  She found the flour in the pantry, which contained staples and little else.  A large mixing bowl was found in a cupboard, and soon she was stirring up some paste.

She carried the bowl to the living room, where Sharp Eye was tearing strips of newspaper.  “So you’re a Post reader?” she said.

“The Canterlot Post is my hometown newspaper.  I never cared much for the Manehattan Times.”

“Neither do I,” Colgate said.  “Too pretentious.”

Together, Sharp Eye and Colgate shaped a papier-mâché mask for him to wear, one designed to fit over his thick eyeglasses.  When that was drying, they pieced together the body of the costume, and added papier-mâché adornments.  Finally, they took the construction outside, and added silver paint.

“So what do you think?” Sharp Eye said.

“Let me preface this by saying my cutie mark has nothing to do with arts and crafts,” Colgate said.

“Do they even teach art in Celestia’s School?” Sharp Eye asked.

“There’s art and gym and music class, just like any school,” Colgate replied.  “It just so happens that nopony’s any good at them.”

“Maybe we were a bit too ambitious.”

“Don’t worry about it.  This is Nightmare Night.  I’ve seen costumes ranging from a completely authentic chicken suit to one made out of five paper bags.  Everypony is there to have fun, and make sure the little foals get their frights.

“And something sweet to bite?” Sharp Eye added.

Colgate sighed.  “Yes, that too.”  She looked at her coat, stained with paste and paint, and laughed.  “I’m a total mess.”

“If you want, you could wash up before you leave,” Sharp Eye offered.  “I have a spare bathroom.”

Colgate had been thinking of what reaction she would get walking home like this.  But his offer made a lot more sense.  “Sure.  Thanks.”

“There are towels under the sink.”

Sharp Eye’s spare bathroom was small but spotless, probably because it didn’t get much use.  Colgate felt relief as the hot water, and a little scrubbing with a washcloth, got the dried paste out of her coat.  The paint proved a little harder to remove.

Colgate left the shower, finding Sharp Eye had also cleaned up.  “See you tomorrow?” she said.

“Yeah.  See you!”





“Any changes for the evening’s plans?” Gold Watch asked Mayor Mare.

“ I received the final details today.  Princess Luna will arrive just after 8:00.  A pegasus guard, out of uniform, will arrive about fifteen minutes early, and give us advance warning.  He will then join in the crowd.  At that point, I will call everypony’s attention, give my speech, and then Zecora the zebra will tell the tale of Nightmare Night.  And right when she finishes, Princess Luna will make her grand entrance, carried on a carriage pulled by her Night Guard.

“It looks like matters are well in hoof,” Gold Watch said.  “But I’m having a hard time taking you seriously right now.”

Mayor Mare brushed her rainbow wig and honked her clown nose.  “You need to get in the spirit of Nightmare Night, Chief!”





“Happy Nightmare Night, Sharp Eye!” Colgate said.  “How’s the costume fit?”

“Good, but it’s heavier than I thought it would be,” he replied, his voice muffled by the mask he wore.

“Let’s hit up some of the games before Princess Luna arrives,” she suggested.

They wandered over to the games, where Applejack, dressed as a scarecrow, called to them.  “Well, howdy, Doctor Colgate.  That you, Doctor Sharp Eye?  You two seen that dastardly Doctor Frankenstein?”

“I haven’t seen anypony like that, Applejack,” Colgate said.

“Well, keep an eye out.  Ah think he did somethin’ to mah sister!”

“I can’t wait to see her costume,” Colgate said.

“Now, how about bobbin’ for apples?  Best apples in Equestria!”

“That sounds like fun,” Sharp Eye said.  “Colgate, a little help?”

“Oh, sure.”  She concentrated, and levitated Sharp Eye’s mask off him.

“The glasses too.”

“Right.”  Colgate focused her telekinesis until she was holding both his mask and his glasses.

Fortunately for Sharp Eye, one didn’t need to see to bob for apples.  He closed his eyes and dunked his head into the water.  His muzzle bumped into an apple, which he trapped against the bottom of the bucket.  He opened his mouth and bit down, feeling his teeth sink into the tasty treat.  He lifted his head out of the water, flinging his head back to get his wet mane out of his eyes.

“Did you want a bite?”

Colgate blinked.  She had managed to lose track of time.  She couldn’t recall how long she was staring at Sharp Eye as he was eating his apple.

“Oh.  No, that’s very sweet.  I’ll try to get one myself.”  She looked at the tub of water.  “You know, Sharp Eye, you should wear your mane like that more often.”  She smiled and dove into the water.





“I hope you’re going to enjoy the festivities,” Green Tea said to Gold Watch.

“I do hope there won’t be any problems.  But I’m ready for a stakeout.  I even have a place to hide.”  He rustled the branches on Green Tea’s costume.

“Well, this bush isn’t going to stay out too late.  I want to see the princess, but then I have some candy to pass out.”

“Then let’s enjoy the crowd.”

Gold Watch was surprised by how many ponies were dressed up for Nightmare Night.  Twilight Sparkle’s was quite impressive, even if he couldn’t place after which historical figure her costume was modeled.  It was amazing that the mare who had spent the better part of a week obsessing about some future danger still had the time to put together a costume.

“Good evening, Golden Harvest,” Gold Watch called.  The farmer was wearing small red horns, a spaded tail, cloven hoofcaps, and a black cape, a simple Tartarus devil costume.

“Happy Nightmare Night, Gold Watch, Green Tea,” she replied.

“Are you here by yourself?”

“I’m primarily here to chaperone my kid sister and her friends.”  She motioned to a filly, perhaps eight years old, with a similar coat color and paler orange mane.

Gold Watch looked between the filly and Golden Harvest.  “Sister?”

“Half-sister, as you’ve probably guessed.  Took Dad a while to move on, but I’m glad he did.  And that gave me the sister I never had growing up.”

Golden Harvest’s sister trotted up, the big cloth bag in her mouth contrasting with her princess costume.  “Goldie!  Look at all the candy!”

“That’s good, Noi, but remember that you have to leave your share for Nightmare Moon!”

“I will, Goldie,” she said around the caramels she had stuffed into her mouth.

“And don’t eat too much candy!”  She turned to Gold Watch.  “Have a good evening.”

“You too,” Gold Watch replied.

Gold Watch and Green Tea trotted away.  “I’m glad my daughter wasn’t here to witness that,” Gold Watch said.

“Oh, is she coming?”

Gold Watch looked over at the games, where she and Sharp Eye were standing, and smiled.  “She is.”

He noticed Mayor Mare standing by the podium.  She nodded to him and gave a signal.  “The mayor’s about to speak.  That means Princess Luna will soon be here,” he explained.

“Then let’s get ready.”





Mayor Mare’s speech was par for the course, made more ridiculous by her clown costume.  Zecora was a captivating storyteller; the foals seemed particularly entranced by her rhythm and her special effects.  But everypony was truly entranced by the arrival of Princess Luna.

Accompanied by thunder and rolling clouds, a black carriage descended from the night sky, pulled by two bat-winged members of the Night Guard.  A cloaked figure jumped out of the carriage; lowering her hood, Princess Luna revealed herself.  Gold Watch bowed, as did everypony else.  But then he heard something he had never heard in the presence of Princess Celestia: whimpering.

“Citizens of Ponyville!” Princess Luna called, her magically amplified voice carrying across the town.  “We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real Princess of the Night!  A creature of nightmares no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration!  Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!”

All around Gold Watch, ponies somehow managed to back away, even while remaining prostrate.

“Did you hear that, everypony? Nightmare Moon says she’s gonna feast on us all!” Pinkie Pie said.  She and a large group of foals ran.

Protocol demanded that Gold Watch not jump up and throttle Pinkie Pie.  All this, after he had specifically told her to be welcoming of the princess!

“What? No, children, no! You no longer have reason to fear us! Screams of delight is what your princess desires, not screams of terror!”  Princess Luna stomped her hoof.  “Madame Mayor, thy Princess of the Night hath arrived.”

Unfortunately, the mayor had forgotten the memo, and cowered before the princess.

“What is the matter with you?  Very well, then.  Be that way.  We won’t even bother with the traditional royal farewell.”  Princess Luna stomped off.

“I’m going to go talk to her,” Twilight Sparkle announced.

“And I’m going to talk to the mayor,” Gold Watch told Green Tea.

“I’ll head home, then,” Green Tea said.  “Please try to help everypony, Gold Watch.”

“That’s my job, ma’am.”

Gold Watch stomped up to Mayor Mare.  “And just what happened to welcoming the princess?”

“I’m sorry!  It’s just, I saw her, and I saw the nightmare, and I was scared!” Mayor Mare replied.  “It’s hard to change what you’ve learned over the decades.”

Gold Watch scoffed.  It really wasn’t much different from her reaction to Discord.  He took a deep breath.  The mayor wasn’t trained to deal with dangers like he was.

“Look, Mayor, I’m sorry I snapped,” Gold Watch started.  “But you absolutely need to control your fears in this situation.  Go back to your office and take a shot of whiskey from that bottle in your desk if you need to.”

Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow.  

“Yes, I know about it.  It’s obvious, if you know what to look for.  But that’s not important right now.  You need to find her, bow, and give her the welcome she deserves.”

“Okay,” the mayor said.

“Meanwhile, there’s somepony I need to find.”





Gold Watch searched around town.  A pink pony in a white chicken suit, with an unnerving tendency to be around at any time, shouldn’t be that hard to find.  After another circuit of the games area, he sat down.

“I’ve got something to celebrate,” he announced.  “I sure could use a party.”

Still nothing.

“I was sure that would work,” Gold Watch muttered.

Gold Watch sensed a powerful aura.  Ahead, Princess Luna approached the games, accompanied by Twilight Sparkle.  He watched as she tried her hoof at the games, with some success.  She looked happy.  Princess Luna even plucked a young colt out of the tub of apples.

And then Pinkie Pie showed up.

“Hey, gals.  Anypony seen Pip?” she asked.  “We lost him the last time we had to run....”  She squawked and screamed.  “Aaah!  Nightmare Moon is gobbling Pipsqueak!  Everypony run!”

The fillies with Pinkie Pie screamed.  The young colt didn’t help matters any, as he said “Help!  My backside has been gobbled!”

“‘Tis a lie!  Thy backside is whole and ungobbled, thou ungrateful whelp!”  Princess Luna stomped her hoof, in time to the sound of thunder from the sky.  “Fair villagers, please do not back away.  Let us join together in... fun!”

Gold Watch hoped that Princess Luna would succeed.  Meanwhile, he had a job to do.  He walked up to Pinkie Pie.  “Excuse me.  Miss Pinkie Pie?”

“What’s up, Chiefarooni?  Need help with that party?”

“Wait, what?  No, Pinkie Pie, there’s no party.  I need to have a word with you.”

“Is that word verisimilitude?”

It took decades of police training for Gold Watch not to facehoof.  “Pinkie Pie, why do you keep doing things that frighten ponies?”

“Because it’s Nightmare Night!  The one night where it’s fun to be afraid!”

“Pinkie Pie, I’m not sure Princess Luna understands that.”

“Of course she does!  She’s Nightmare Moon!  Who else would understand Nightmare Night better?”

“Look, Nightmare Moon or no, she hasn’t seen a Nightmare Night festival before.  My gut tells me she’s confused.  What does your Pinkie Sense tell you?”

“That we both need to jump,” Pinkie Pie replied.

Gold Watch jumped, just as a swarm of angry spiders swarmed under him.

“Look, please think about what I said,” Gold Watch said.  “I need to make sure nopony is hurt.”





Sitting on a bench away from the immediate commotion, two ponies sat and observed the Nightmare Night festivities falling apart.  Once Princess Luna stormed off after decreeing that Nightmare Night would be canceled forever, Sharp Eye turned to Colgate.  “Is Nightmare Night normally this eventful?” he asked.  He fidgeted, holding his mask in his hooves.

“Normally it’s like any other event.  Food, games, friends.  This has been a unique Nightmare Night,” Colgate replied.  She was still in her scrubs, but had stowed away her mask and head mirror.

“So you really think I look good with the wet mane look?”

“I don’t know.  Let’s try it.”  Colgate leaned in and used her hoof to style Sharp Eye’s mane in the way it looked when wet.  She then smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Sharp Eye was caught off guard, but soon returned the kiss.  He was not surprised to find Colgate’s mouth to be minty fresh.

“I’m thinking it’s about time I had a coltfriend,” Colgate said.

“Great.  Who is he?” Sharp Eye said.

Colgate bopped his muzzle.  “So you think you’re funny?”

“I try.  But I need practice.  And there’s something else I need practice with.”  And with that, he leaned in for another kiss.

Colgate gasped for breath as the second kiss ended.  “You learn fast.”

“So, um....”

“I had fun tonight.  Let’s get together sometime next week.  Maybe when everypony else is distracted by the Running of the Leaves.”

“Okay,” Sharp Eye said.  He hugged Colgate.  “See you at the office.”

Sharp Eye donned his mask and walked away.  Colgate enjoyed the too short solitude.  Finally, she called out.  “I know you’re watching, Dad.”

Gold Watch stepped out of the shadows, a huge grin on his face.  “Enjoying the evening, Colgate?”

“I’ll give you thirty seconds to say I told you so.”

“A good detective always trusts his gut.  And my gut told me you’d be good for each other,” Gold Watch said.  “But I want to hear about it in your own words.”

“First I saw the similar backgrounds.  Then I found out about some shared interests.  But there was always some awkwardness.  But then I spent time with him, and being together felt more and more natural.”

“I’m proud of you.  You’re part way there, Colgate.  But tell me, does it feel like the right thing?”

“I have plenty of time to figure that out, Dad,” Colgate said.  “And I’m proud of you, too.”

“For what?”

“You spent all this time around those foals without obsessing about the missing foal.”

“Believe me, Colgate, I looked at each of them to see if they matched the age, mane color, and coat color of the foalnapped infant.  One does not forget a case like that.”  He sighed.  “But I guess I am getting used to seeing them as ponies now.”

“Think you’re ready for the schools to tour your police station?”

“I think I am.”





A lot of things were figured out that night.  Princess Luna listened to the ponies who rescued her the previous summer, and to the foals who loved Nightmare Night more than anypony.  Colgate listened to hear heart.

And Gold Watch?

Alone in his house, he thought about how he didn’t have as much time as his daughter.  He thought about how much cozier Green Tea’s home was.

As the ponies of Ponyville got ready to change the season, Gold Watch decided he needed a change of his own.

> Chapter 12: The Running of the Leaves
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 12: The Running of the Leaves





Gold Watch looked over the sea of young faces crowding into the combined guard post and police station.  To her credit, the young teacher was doing a good job of keeping them mostly settled down.  “Now, class, I want you all to thank Mr. Gold Watch for taking the time to talk to you about being a police officer,” Cheerilee said.

“Thank you, Mr. Gold Watch,” the class chorused.

“Yes.  As Miss Cheerilee said, my name is Gold Watch.  I was a police officer in Canterlot for forty years, starting as a beat cop, and advancing to detective, where I worked for many years.  And after I retired, I moved to Ponyville.  Now, I’m the police chief, but I’m also the only police officer.

“Most of you grew up in Ponyville, and as a small town, it doesn’t have the need for a police force, like Canterlot and other big cities require.  But it’s time for Ponyville to have its own police station.  We will need a police officer or two in the future.  Maybe that will be one of you?

“Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what police officers do.”  Gold Watch waited for the foals to nod.  He discussed briefly the roles the police played in Canterlot, talking about the jobs done by patrol officers and detectives.  He included a few foal-friendly stories from action he saw, like catching a bank robber as a beat officer, or tracking down somepony who robbed a Canterlot museum when he was a new detective.

“Thank you,” Cheerilee said after he finished.  “Does anypony have any questions?”

A pegasus colt raised his hoof.  “What’s the difference between the Royal Guard and the police?”

“Good question.”  Gold Watch smiled at the colt.  He wondered if this was Rumble; the colt shared the soft facial features of Silver Shield.  “Both the Guard and the police work to keep ponies safe.  The Guard fights against any external threat, and also protects the princesses and Canterlot Castle.  The police face down bad ponies in town.  But if you need help, you can talk to either a guard or a police officer.”

“Ooh!  Ooh!” a pink earth pony filly shouted, jabbing her hoof into the air.  “What if we witness a really bad crime?  Like treason?”

“I really don’t think....”

“Like, releasing Discord from his prison.  That’s got to be treason, right?”

“Hey!” a white unicorn filly protested.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes.  “Diamond Tiara....”

“Little filly, if you do see somepony do something bad, you should talk to somepony who can help.  But we live in a monarchic government, and Princess Celestia cannot be guilty of treason.”

“Huh?” Diamond Tiara said.

“Following the escape of Discord and his recapture, Princess Celestia released a statement that the responsibility for his escape was entirely hers.  When she banished Nightmare Moon, it broke her connection to the Elements of Harmony, which was the only reason Discord could free himself.”  Such statements by the princess were rare; Gold Watch had lived a long time, and that was only the third he could recall.  When something very bad happened, Princess Celestia didn’t want anypony, or group of ponies, to get the blame.  “Miss Cheerilee, did you talk about Discord in class this year?”

The teacher nodded.  “I discussed what the princess said when we talked about what Discord did to Ponyville.”

“So, young filly, it was nopony’s fault but Princess Celestia, and you shouldn’t accuse her of treason.”

“Burn!” a tomcoltish pegasus filly said to Diamond Tiara.

Another filly raised her hoof.  “Mr. Gold Watch, are you going to be running in the Running of the Leaves?”

It took Gold Watch a moment to figure out why she asked that question.  The poster advertising the Running of the Leaves and the new race was on the bulletin board behind him.  “No, old ponies like me shouldn’t run that far.  But I am organizing the event.  We’re having a competitive race with the normal Running of the Leaves, and afterward, there’s a short fun run for all the foals.  The pegasi will be gathering the fallen leaves, and you can run and play in the big pile of leaves.”

The foals were around that age where most would think themselves too old for that kind of play, but Gold Watch thought some of them might want to participate.  Most of the foals shrugged, but three of the fillies looked excited.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LEAF JUMPERS, YAY!”

Gold Watch winced and rubbed his ears.





Gold Watch smiled as Green Tea lifted the lid off a casserole dish.  A warm meal in her home sure beat the food that awaited him at home, hay and some carrots that weren’t very fresh.  “It smells wonderful,” he said.

“I’m happy to have somepony to appreciate my cooking again,” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch took a spatula in his magic and cut a portion of the casserole for his marefriend.  He then took a large portion for himself.  He inhaled the aroma of the casserole, its vegetables and mushrooms and noodles and cream sauce and topping of crispy fried hay.  “It looks delicious.”

“Tasty and a good way to stretch this week’s purchases,” Green Tea said.  “How goes the preparation for the Running of the Leaves?”

“Everything’s set.  There have only been thirteen entries from out of town.  I don’t think that’s a lot.  I’ll have to ask Dawn Runner to be sure.”

“That’s your officer friend from Canterlot?”

“Yes.  My replacement as detective, and a skilled runner.”

“It’s probably good that you didn’t get a lot of entrants.  Ponyville doesn’t have much in the way of inns.”

“I didn’t think about that.”  He had stayed in a Ponyville inn exactly once, on the trip where he came down to look for his house.  “Are you going to be collecting herbs again?”

“Yes.  I’ll be out there before the racers, collecting all I can.”

“Stop by when you’re done.  I’ll be stuck waiting for the racers to finish.”

“Will do,” Green Tea said.  “More casserole?”

“I’m fine,” Gold Watch said.

“You’re welcome to take the leftovers for lunch tomorrow.”

Gold Watch smiled.  Left unspoken was that he would be here when packing his lunch the next morning.  They were spending most nights together, more often in Green Tea’s home.  Being together filled a void that he always knew was there, but had tried hard to ignore.

“Thinking about something?” Green Tea asked.

“The Running of the Leaves reminds me that winter’s coming.  And I don’t want to spend another cold winter alone.  Perhaps we should stop being apart, and move in together?”

Green Tea smiled.  “I thought you’d never ask.”  She paused.  “But which home?”

“You have a home, Green Tea.  My place barely qualifies as a house.  Besides, you have your shop to consider.  I think the choice is obvious.”

“I didn’t want to impose,” Green Tea said.  “I’m not sure when you can move in, though.  I’m normally busy until first snow....”

Gold Watch leaned over and interrupted Green Tea with a kiss.  “My dear, we have plenty of time to worry about the details.  Tonight, let’s just focus on us.”





A pale orange earth pony stallion stepped into the police station.  Gold Watch looked over to the pegasus guard on the other side of the cells.  “Better keep alert, Red Sky.  There’s a miscreant in town,” he quipped.

“Good to see you too, old man,” Dawn Runner said.

“Wait.  You have friends?” Red Sky said, feigning shock.

“Very funny.  This is Dawn Runner, an officer from Canterlot.”

“Somepony’s got to keep Canterlot safe,” Dawn Runner said.

“When did you get to Ponyville?” Gold Watch asked.

“Last night.  I rested up, and ran the course in the morning.”

“Do you normally run the race before, you know, running the race?

“I always ramp up my training before a race.  And the best practice is on the course itself,” Dawn Runner explained.  “For a road or trail race, it helps to know the lay of the land, know where the changes in elevation are.  It’s less important for a track race.”

“What do you think of Ponyville?” Gold Watch asked.

“Quiet.  I’m sure there’s nothing for a police officer to do here.”

“Yeah, it’s quiet,” Gold Watch said.  “Except when it isn’t, and there’s something terrifying that, frankly, Canterlot hasn’t seen in, well, as long as I’ve been alive.”  He motioned to an empty chair.  “Have a seat.  Coffee?”

“No coffee when I’m in training mode.”

“Guess that means I could never be a runner,” Gold Watch said.

“You told me that last year.  Remember, something about trying to run?”

“Yes, in this race.  Don’t remind me.”

“I’m sure organizing the race is more your speed.”

“It’s a lot more work than I imagined,” Gold Watch admitted.  “And not a big payoff.”

“Not many sign-ups?”

“Maybe twenty from out of town by the time we’re done.  I’d give you an accurate total as of today, but the mail won’t be here for another hour or so.”

“Don’t be discouraged,” Dawn Runner said.  “If things go reasonably well, word of mouth will spread through the running community, and you’ll get more ponies to come next year.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “Any news from the station?”

“Nothing on any old cases,” Dawn Runner said.  “We’ve had two prisoners escape.”

“Escape?  How?”

“That’s the problem.  We’ve seen no sign of physical escape or magic.”

“So they walked out of prison?”

Dawn Runner shrugged.  “For all we know, they may have.”

“You might want to talk to some ponies who aren’t cops,” Gold Watch suggested.  “See if they know of any magic or tricks.”

“Sure,” Dawn Runner said.  “But I’ll worry about that later.  I’m on vacation.”





Saturday arrived, and with it the Running of the Leaves.  The scheduled start time was 9:00, but Gold Watch arrived at 7:30, ready to help with the setup.  A few ponies were there, setting up a booth and the familiar stage.

“Does the stage mean the mayor is coming?” Gold Watch asked one of the volunteers.

“You know the mayor; she never misses a chance to talk.”

“I’ll make sure she knows that the race starts at 9:00 sharp,” he said.  Gold Watch had gotten advice about organizing a race from Dawn Runner; one of the details he warned him about is that runners demanded punctuality.  They didn’t want to wait once they were mentally prepared to race.

The booth was soon assembled, and Gold Watch took a seat behind it.  Starting at 8:00, ponies started arriving.

“What’s this 10K?” the first pony asked.

“We’re doing a race, just like the ones held throughout Equestria during the course of the year.  There’s a 20 bit entry fee, and prizes to first, second, and third in each age group.  If you want to do the normal Running of the Leaves, that’s free, and the town’s giving out medals like normal.”

It was a question Gold Watch answered many times that morning.  The visiting runners from out of town were obvious.  Sure, being unfamiliar earth ponies with enviable physiques was one sign, but the way they gave their name, paid the entry fee, and collected their number suggested they’d done this many times before.

Surprisingly, several of the locals signed up for the race, too.  When Gold Watch told Rainbow Dash and Applejack about it, they looked at each other, smirked, and slammed their bits down.  Golden Harvest signed up as well, as did Shoeshine, and three other ponies Gold Watch didn’t know well.  The pride of Ponyville must be defended, though Gold Watch doubted anypony from town had a chance against ponies with a special talent for running.

Things slowed down by 8:30.  Gold Watch surveyed the crowd.  It resembled any Ponyville gathering.  Good friends conversed.  Local merchants and farmers set up their carts, hoping to sell their wares.  The main difference was the out-of-towners.  They warmed up and socialized with each other, with an easy camaraderie born of their shared passion.

At 8:45, Mayor Mare showed up.  Gold Watch hurried to meet her.  “Mayor, if you want to speak, please keep it brief.  The visiting racers will be expecting the race to start on time.”

“Certainly, Gold Watch.  I wasn’t planning on talking for long anyway.”

Gold Watch nodded, but he doubted Mayor Mare had ever planned on making a short speech.

The mayor took the stage and tapped the megaphone.  “Good morning, and welcome, all, to beautiful Ponyville, and the first annual Whitetail Wood 10K.  As we prepare the forest for winter with our traditional Running of the Leaves, we welcome visitors from across Equestria to our race.  I encourage everypony to enjoy the beauty of the forest, and race in the spirit of friendly competition.

“I would like to thank Barnyard Bargains for sponsoring the prizes, and the many volunteers who helped make this event happen.  I would especially like to thank Gold Watch, without whose help we never would have pulled this off.”

Gold Watch used the mayor’s speech to review his checklist.  The official clock was set up.  The pouches with the prize money were set aside.  The paper strip to mark the finish line was ready to be hung up.  The racers were organized by age band.

Wait.  He had forgotten to do that during registration.

It wasn’t hard; a simple divination spell was used to identify a racer’s age, and his number was color-coded by age bracket: 15 to 29, 30 to 39, 40 to 49, and 50 plus.  He even made note of the traditional colors used in racing.

Once the mayor finished speaking, Gold Watch took the stage.  “Thank you, citizens, guests.  We will start with the racers in the 10K lining up; they will begin at 9:00 sharp.  Those participating in the Running of the Leaves will go five minutes later.  Now, before we begin, I’d like to ask the racers to line up for age grouping.”

As the racers got in line, a pony who was definitely not a racer pushed her way to the front.  “Mr. Gold Watch!” she called.

“Yes, Miss Twilight Sparkle?”

“You’re using Alter Ego’s Age Identifier, right?”

“Yes, that’s the spell.  How did you know?”

“I read a book on running last year,” she replied.  “It would save time if I cast the spell on everypony.”

“That’s a good idea.”  Gold Watch showed her his checklist.  “Can you also change everypony’s number to match this color scheme?”

“Sure.”

Gold Watch stepped up to the megaphone again.  “Correction.  You won’t need to line up.  Miss Twilight Sparkle here has volunteered to cast the spell on everypony.  The only thing that you’ll notice is the color of your number changing.  So, even if you’re not running in the 10K, you will be able to see how your time compares within your age group.”

Gold Watch projected a calm demeanor, but on the inside, he was mentally reviewing what to do if something went horribly wrong.  But nothing did.  Twilight Sparkle easily cast the spell over dozens of ponies, and all that happened was the colors of ponies’ numbers changed.  A brief visual inspection revealed that the colors were right as well.

Gold Watch glanced at the clock, confirming it showed the right time.  “Racers, line up,” he announced.  Twenty-some ponies took their position at the start of the race course, almost pawing the ground in their eagerness.  “On your mark.  Get set.”  The clock hit 9:00, and Gold Watch channeled magic through his horn.  A spark or magic flew into the air and exploded with a loud bang.  And with that, the racers were off.

“Runners, get ready.”

The mass of Ponyville residents was less eager to start, but they moved to the line, and took off when he fired his horn again.  Now all Gold Watch had to do was sit and wait.  The first racer would be finishing around 9:30.

And then somepony came to the registration booth, a unicorn mare with a white coat and three star cutie mark.

“Where is everypony?” the unicorn asked.

“The race started at 9:00,” Gold Watch said.

“I know that.  But these things never start on time,” she replied.

“They will from now on.”  He levitated over a number.  “Go ahead and run if you want.”

The mare took off.  Moments later, the mailmare trotted up, smiling, a bag clenched in her teeth.

“I needed my racing muffins!” she announced cheerily.

With the delectable aroma coming from her bag, Gold Watch could almost excuse her tardiness.  “Enjoy your run.”

And then came a charcoal pegasus stallion with a white mohawk.  He was flanked by two mares.  “You’re late,” Gold Watch said.

“Sorry.  But I had to warm up before the run.  You know, for safety.”  He looked to the mares, who tittered.

Gold Watch facehoofed.  He didn’t need to be a trained detective to notice the signs; it was obvious just what kind of warming up the stallion had done.  “Here are your numbers.  Just go.”

Three minutes later, a brown earth pony stallion trotted up.  He had a cutie mark of an....

“Oh, for the love of Celestia,” Gold Watch shouted, pointing to the hourglass on his flank.  “You have a time-related cutie mark!”

“Yes, and I do apologize for being thirteen minutes and twenty-six seconds late,” he said.  “I had a time-sensitive project in my workshop.  But I did promise myself I’d run this year, as a personal challenge.  I care not for the prizes.”

Gold Watch passed the stallion a number.  “I’ll still track your time,” he said.

As what Gold Watch hoped would be the last straggler took off, he wrote down the stragglers’ start times.  A few minutes later, another pony arrived, coming directly from the forest.  He smiled.

Green Tea walked up, dropped her bulging saddlebags, and nuzzled Gold Watch.  He returned her affection, stealing a kiss.

“How was the foraging?” Gold Watch asked.

Green Tea looked back at her saddlebags.  “Quite good.  How did the race preparation go?”

“I swear, some ponies can’t follow instructions,” he said.

“I have just the thing to cheer you up,” Green Tea said.  She nosed into her saddlebags, retrieving a metal cylinder.

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Yes, it’s one of those canisters with a thermal spell on it.  Keeps cold beverages cold, and hot beverages hot.”  She unscrewed the cap, and a heavenly aroma greeted Gold Watch.  The cap, which also served as a cup, was soon filled with steaming hot coffee.

“The perfect way to fight the late autumn chill,” Gold Watch said.

Green Tea gazed off to the forest.  “Do you think the race will be a success?”

“I know we didn’t collect enough in entry fees to cover the prizes.  But I wasn’t expecting to,” Gold Watch said.  “I guess success will be having the visiting runners enjoying the race, and telling their friends to come next year.  But like you mentioned, how would Ponyville host a lot of visitors?”

“Just do what the farm families do,” Green Tea responded.  “Put everypony up in the barn.”

“Probably not the impression of Ponyville we want to leave,” he replied with a laugh.  He looked to the woods.  “I’m curious to see how the locals will do.”

“Who’s running?”

“Golden Harvest, Shoeshine, a few others, but I’m really interested in how Applejack and Rainbow Dash do.  I told you the story from last year, right?”

“They couldn’t even beat an old stallion like you.”

“Right.  They’re obviously good.  But I hope they don’t mind losing to ponies who are better runners.”

“Do you think your friend is going to win?” Green Tea asked.

“Not sure.  I mean, he’s dedicated to his running, and he practiced the course, but still, he’s getting old.”  Gold Watch laughed.  “Not sure I’m one to be talking.”

“Nonsense,” Green Tea said.  “We both have plenty of experience in the subject.”

“Well, we’ll know the answer in about eight minutes.”

Gold Watch enjoyed the warmth of his coffee, and of his marefriend leaning against him, as he watched for the first runner to emerge from the Whitetail Wood.  At 30 minutes and 16 seconds, the first pony crossed the finish line.  It wasn’t Dawn Runner, but one of the younger stallions from out of town.  And for the next two minutes, racers poured out of the woods.  Dawn Runner finished third overall, twelve seconds behind the leader.

Five minutes later, the last of the 10K racers, one of the locals Gold Watch didn’t recognize, crossed the finish line.  With that, he started organizing the results by age group, checking the color on each pony’s number.  His friend did finish first in his age group.

He felt Green Tea nudge him.  “Look up,” she said.

Gold Watch looked up.  He felt and heard a low rumbling, vaguely recalling the sensation from the previous Running of the Leaves.  Finally, he saw the results of the large group of Ponyville runners as the leaves dropped from the trees in a massive cascade.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch nodded.

“I always like to watch that before I leave,” she continued.

“Leaving so soon?”

“I have herbal teas to make,” Green Tea replied.  “And I’m sure you’ll be busy here.”

“I have to distribute the prizes, and there are a few more planned activities,” Gold Watch said.  “I just hope somepony else will deal with the foals and their leaf jumping.”

With a goodbye kiss, Green Tea departed.  Gold Watch finished writing the results, and posted them.  Rainbow Dash, who most certainly wasn’t first in the race, was first to check the results.  She walked away disappointed, after confirming that she not only finished behind Applejack, but also behind many other ponies.  As the others went to review the results, Gold Watch took the stage.

“Thank you for coming to the inaugural Whitetail Wood 10K,” Gold Watch announced.  “I will be presenting medals and prizes for the top runners in each age group.  If you participated in the Running of the Leaves, Mayor Mare will be distributing medals for the fastest runners.”  He motioned to the mayor, who was waving eagerly.

Gold Watch announced the winners for the 15-29 age bracket, and distributed the gold, silver, and bronze medals along with pouches stuffed with bits.  “And now, in the 30-39 age bracket, in first place, with a time of 30 minutes and 28 seconds, Dawn Runner, from Canterlot.”

Dawn Runner came to the stage, and Gold Watch shook his hoof.  “Good job.”

“Thanks.  I could have done better.”

“We always can do better.  Be sure to keep that attitude on the streets of Canterlot,” Gold Watch implored.





After the prizes were distributed, many ponies departed.  Some stayed to chat with friends, much like any day in the park.  Gold Watch, for his part, helped with dismantling the stage.  He waved to Miss Cheerilee, who apparently had been saddled with escorting the group of foals into the woods.

After an hour of work and socializing, Gold Watch noticed Dawn Runner trotting up.  The stallion had a small bag balanced on his back.

“Hey,” Dawn Runner called.  “Glad to see you’re still here.”

“Leaving already?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes.  I’m taking the afternoon train home.  I have a wife and foals waiting, you know.”

“It’s a shame you couldn’t stay longer, and really get to see Ponyville.”

“I’ll be back soon enough, and I’ll bring the family,” Dawn Runner said.

“Next year’s race?”

“No.  I was thinking of the wedding.”

“What wedding?”

“Yours, of course,” Dawn Runner said.  “I saw how you looked with your marefriend.”

“She brings me coffee.  What can I say?”

“The way to your heart.  Do you have a date picked out?”

“We just talked about moving in together,” Gold Watch retorted.  “But, yeah.  Someday soon.  It just seems right, you know?”

“You’re looking at her the way you used to look at Blue Opal.  I’m sure it’s right.”

“We’ll see, Dawn Runner.  We’ll see.”

Dozens of times floated through Gold Watch’s head that day.  The schedule for the Running of the Leaves, the finishing times of racers, his appointment with the Mayor on Monday.  But there was that one time that was always present and yet unknowable, the amount of time one has left.  He thought back to the lovely mare who made a chilly morning that much more enjoyable.  Whatever time he had left, he knew he wanted to spend it with Green Tea.

> Chapter 13: Warming the Hearth
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 13: Warming the Hearth





Colgate reached over and helped an elderly stallion out of the chair.  Once he was safely standing, she spoke.  “Now, Mr. Wattle, I have scheduled an appointment on the 3rd at 9:00, but if you have any problems with your new dentures, please come to my office, and I will adjust them.”

“Thank you kindly, young miss,” Mr. Wattle said as he hobbled to the front door.

As the stallion had paid ahead of time, all Colgate needed to do was escort him to the door.  And as her last appointment for the day, she would be able to get home soon.

As Mr. Wattle departed the Ponyville Professional Building, Sharp Eye exited his own office.  “Good afternoon, Colgate,” he called.

“Hello, Sharp Eye,” she replied.

“Are you done for the day?” he asked.

“Yes.  You?”

“One more appointment.”

Sharp Eye paused.  Colgate noticed him tracing little circles with his right front hoof, something he did when nervous.  “So what’s going on with you?” she prodded.

“Well, um, what do you think about Ponyville doing the Hearth’s Warming pageant this year?”

“I think it’s a big honor for Ponyville, and I hope the Elements of Harmony are as good at acting as they are at saving the world.”

“Yeah.”

“It was kind of nice seeing the pageant again last year.”

“Oh.” Sharp Eye bowed his head.  “I was hoping you would want to go see the pageant with me, but if you saw it last year....”

Colgate interrupted him by placing a hoof over his mouth.  “Sharp Eye, I would love to see the Hearth’s Warming pageant with you.”  She lowered her hoof.

“You would?  Great!”  He hesitated.  “What about afterward?”

“Afterward?”

“Well, there’s the special train back to Ponyville after it’s done.  But I’m going to be staying for the holidays with my family, and, um....”

“You want me to join you?” Colgate asked.

“Yeah.”

“You know, that’s a step above just being coltfriend and marefriend,” she observed.

“I think we’re ready for that step,” Sharp Eye stated.

“I just hope it goes better than you meeting my father.”

Sharp Eye groaned as he recalled giving a statement to Gold Watch, where he had to describe the different shapes of two mares’ rumps.  “Please don’t remind me.”

“Yeah.  So, we’ll depart on the special train Thursday?” Colgate asked.

“Right.  I’ll pick up the tickets,” Sharp Eye said.

Colgate leaned in and kissed Sharp Eye.  “I’m looking forward to it.”





On a chilly Saturday morning, two weeks before Hearth’s Warming, Gold Watch approached a small shop.  He knew the owner, Time Turner, sold clocks and various curiosities, and he hoped he had something that would make a good gift for Green Tea.

He opened the door and stepped inside.  A mechanical chime sounded, playing a six second tune.  The back door of the store opened, and a brown earth pony stallion entered.  Again, he noted how his hourglass cutie mark was remarkably like his daughter’s.

“Good day to you, sir,” Time Turner said, a faint accent evident in his voice.  “May I help you find anything?”

“I’m looking for a gift for my marefriend,” Gold Watch said.  He scanned the shop.

“What do you think she’d like?” Time Turner asked.  “A clock?”

“Last year, I gave her a chest.  She runs a shop, and displays her wares in an eclectic mix of crates, chests, and boxes.  But this year, I want something for the home.  Probably not a clock.”  Gold Watch wandered over to a display of music boxes, and lifted the lid of one with his magic.

“A music box would make an excellent gift,” Time Turner said.  “The clockwork in each is hoofcrafted by me.  I also fashion the cases, as you’ll see on both the music boxes and these jewelry boxes, but if you want something more ornate, I do work with some talented wood carvers.”

“Ornate isn’t her style.  Just unique.”  He thought about what Time Turner said.  “What would you think about a music box as the top element of a jewelry box?”

“An excellent idea.  I’ve crafted many such music boxes in the past.”

Gold Watch and Time Turner worked out the details for his order: the style of the jewelry box, the wood, the stain, and the tune for the music box element.  They negotiated a price, and Gold Watch departed, happy at completing the easier of the day’s tasks.

He returned home to find the movers busy at work.  It looked like everything was packed in crates, a task made easier by not having unpacked a number of crates.  A pair of earth ponies were loading the crates onto a large wagon.  The burly pegasus stallion with a crate cutie mark was watching them, so Gold Watch went up to him.  “Why aren’t you loading the cart?” he asked.

“They asked me not to,” he said.  “Name’s Crafty Crate.  I normally work in air mail, in the long distance shipping division of Fet Ex.  I pull the cart; my hooves aren’t good enough to load and unload.”

“Normally?  So why are you working with the movers?”

“Earn a little extra for the holidays, you know?  I use my talent to lighten the load and move the cart, helps them get done faster and saves their strength for the crates.”

“That a common thing?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yeah.  Friends help each other, right?  Makes things run smoother, you know?  Except when it doesn’t.”

“When it doesn’t?”

“Remember when all those crates fell from the sky, ‘bout a year ago?  That was the mailmare helping out.  Last time we let her do that, you know?”

“Wait.  The mailmare was responsible for that?”  Gold Watch set his hoof to his chin and pondered the news.

“What?” Crafty Crate asked.

“I was without coffee for a week.  That was a serious crime.  I’m just trying to figure out what law applies there.”

Crafty Crate looked at him, surprise evident in his eyes.  Gold Watch tried to maintain his serious expression, but eventually a smile broke through.  Seeing that, Crafty Crate laughed heartily, pounding Gold Watch on the back.  “That’s a good one.  You’re all right, you know?”

One of the movers came up to them.  “The crates are all packed.  I wanted to confirm what’s being left here.”

“The furniture in the bedroom, that couch, and the appliances in the kitchen,” Gold Watch said.  “Just make sure the coffeemaker is packed.”

“It is.”

The movers loaded the few pieces of furniture Gold Watch was moving into Green Tea’s home.  With that done, they did one last check of Gold Watch’s house.

“We’re ready.  Crafty?”

The pegasus nodded, and hitched himself to the wagon.  It looked far too heavy for one pony to pull.  Yet the stallion flapped his wings, and lifted both himself and the wagon into the air.

Gold Watch and the movers followed on hoof, crossing Ponyville to reach Gold Watch’s new home.  Green Tea met them at the door.

Gold Watch strode up and greeted her with a kiss.  “Don’t you have a shop to run, dear?” he said.

“I think this is important enough to close early,” she replied.

Together, the couple directed the movers.  They rearranged the living room to add Gold Watch’s favorite chair, and placed his coffeemaker safely on the counter.  From the saddlebags he wore, he removed bags of coffee beans.

“You didn’t trust the movers to pack those?” Green Tea said with a smile.

“It was by far the most precious thing in my old house,” he replied.

“I can think of something more precious,” Green Tea said.  She draped a foreleg across his withers and pulled him in for a kiss.

The sound of somepony clearing his throat broke them out of their reverie.  Gold Watch looked up and saw the movers.  “Everything’s done,” one of them said.

“Yes.  Good.”  Gold Watch took a bag of bits out of his saddlebags and levitated them over to the movers.  “Thank you for your hard work, gentlecolts.”

“Have a good night,” one replied.

“Yeah, I bet,” the other added.

Gold Watch and Green Tea couldn’t help but laugh.

Some hours later, having finished dinner, they shared the couch, and each other’s company, by a roaring fire.  “Is your daughter coming for Hearth’s Warming?” Green Tea asked.

“No, she’s going to see the Hearth’s Warming pageant in Canterlot, and then spend the holidays with her coltfriend’s family.”

“Sounds like a big move,” she said.

“It is, and it isn’t,” Gold Watch replied.  “I think Colgate still has her doubts about their relationship, but meeting his parents should help her decide one way or another.”

“Well, I hope they find their happy ending.”  She leaned in and kissed him.  “Like ours.”

“Did you want to go to Canterlot?” Gold Watch asked.

“Oh, I saw the pageant the last time Ponyville did it.  Gosh, that must have been twenty-five years ago.  It was fun, but let’s let the younger ponies have a chance to experience it.”

“I’m quite content to share a quiet Hearth’s Warming with you.”

“Mm-hmm,” Green Tea said, nuzzling Gold Watch.  “And you know what I want to share right now?  Our bed.”





“Good morning, Gold Watch,” Mayor Mare said.

“Good morning, Mayor.  This should hopefully be a short meeting,” Gold Watch said.

“They normally are.  Nothing new from Canterlot?”

“No communications from the bureaucracy or the Canterlot PD,” he replied.  “I’ve seen nothing....”  Gold Watch winced as a drop of water landed in a bucket elsewhere in the room.  “As I was saying, I saw nothing on my patrols, nor has anypony I spoke to noted anything unusual.”

“That’s good.  The Royal Guard reports the same,” Mayor Mare added.  “Now, Thursday morning, most of the town is taking the train to Canterlot.  I’d like to request your presence at the train station.  Not because I expect anything to go wrong, just that it’s always good to have somepony around when there are large crowds.”

“Noted, Mayor.  I’m going to be....”  Again, he was interrupted by the dripping water.  “I’m staying in town.”

“I’m sorry about the leak, Gold Watch,” Mayor Mare said.  She sighed.  “Believe me, I know how annoying it is.  But there isn’t any money in the budget for Town Hall repairs.”

Gold Watch looked outside, where a light rain made for dreary gray skies.  “It’s the last rain of the year, right?”

“Yes.  The cold weather will stop the drips, but I shudder to think what the ice will do to the roof.”

“The roof’s going to have to be fixed,” Gold Watch said.  “If you’re not going to raise taxes, maybe somepony can donate bits or labor towards the repair?”

“It’s an idea,” Mayor Mare said.  “I’ll make some inquiries, but I’m not holding out much hope.”  She rose from her chair.  “If there’s nothing else, I should see you at the train station Thursday.  I’ll be heading to Canterlot and doing my mayoral schmoozing.”

Gold Watch rose.  “Actually, there is one more item.  I need to update my address.”

“Go ahead and talk to Red Tape on your way out.”  Mayor Mare smiled.  “Moving in with your sweetheart?”

“That I am.”

“I wish you two the very best.”





Colgate and Sharp Eye joined the crowd departing the Royal Theater.  The afternoon show, as near as she could tell, was only for the guests from Ponyville, and everypony in the crowd was familiar to her.  She spotted Cheerilee and Twinkleshine talking, Lyra  standing with Bon Bon, the flower mares chatting, and Golden Harvest chaperoning a group of foals.  The crowd parted into two groups.  One proceeded in the direction of the train station.  The other spread out, heading into Canterlot proper.

“So, who’s going to be there?” Colgate asked.

“Everypony,” Sharp Eye replied.  “My parents, both my sisters, and their families.  It’ll be crowded, but there’s room for everypony.”

“I just wish I knew more about them,” Colgate said.  In all her talking with Sharp Eye, she realized she didn’t know much about his family.  He was the youngest of three; his parents were still alive and married, they were all unicorns, and his family didn’t have any noble ties.  That was all she could recall hearing.

“Let’s see,” Sharp Eye began.  “The basics.  My older sister, Sunny, is a teacher, married to another teacher, and they have a four year old filly.  Written is a scribe, her husband is a civil servant, and they have a three year old colt.  Mom is a glassblower, and Dad is, well....”

“Yes?”

“He’s a public defender.”

“So my father probably knows him?”

“Sounds likely.”

“Awkward,” Colgate said.

“He gets along fine with the prosecutors outside of court, so I’m sure Dad wouldn’t hold anything against your father,” Sharp Eye said.

“I’m more worried about my father,” Colgate said.

“Then it’s a good thing he’s in Ponyville, right?”  He paused.  “One more thing.  They’re a little old-fashioned.”

“That’s okay, Sharp Eye.  I can get along with all types.”

Colgate and Sharp Eye stopped for a cup of hot chocolate, and then enjoyed the decorations and a little window shopping as they made their way to Sharp Eye’s old home.  It was a larger, freestanding house in a quiet neighborhood.  Sharp Eye had mentioned growing up in Redbridge, and while they were technically in that part of Canterlot, it was a nicer home than what the name Redbridge conjured in her mind.

Sharp Eye opened the door.  The sound of holiday music and ponies talking greeted them.  “Mom, Dad?” he called.

They stepped into the foyer, which was soon filled with six more ponies.  Sharp Eye endured a flurry of hugs and kisses from his relatives before stepping clear.

“Mom, Dad, this is Colgate,” Sharp Eye said.  “Colgate, my mother, Crystal Clear; my father, Stalwart Defender; Sunny Day and her husband Notebook, and Written Word and her husband White Paper.”

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Colgate said.  She tried to link all the names with faces and place them in her memory.

“I’m so happy Sharp Eye found somepony to bring home,” Crystal Clear said.

“Mother...” Sharp Eye hissed.

“Thank you for inviting me into your home,” Colgate said.  She levitated a bottle of the Goldens’ carrot vodka from her saddlebags.  “A gift from Ponyville.”

“Thank you very much, dear,” Crystal Clear said.

“Why don’t we all go in and sit by the fire?” Stalwart Defender said.  “We won’t be sitting down for dinner tonight, so please help yourself to something from the kitchen.”

The food laid out in the kitchen was an impressive spread.  Pickled and roasted vegetables, dried fruits, cheeses, and breads covered a table pressed against one wall of the kitchen.  That table probably had a name, Colgate thought, but she didn’t know what it was, given that something like that would never have fit in her father’s apartment.

She filled a plate with food and carried it to the living room.  With a few extra chairs, the room had enough seats for everypony.  On the floor, two young foals babbled and played some game only they understood.

Colgate had just enough time to sit down before the questions started.  “So, how did you two meet?” Written Word asked.

“Our offices are in the same building,” Colgate said.  “So we can’t help but see each other.”

“Are you a doctor, too?”

“Yes, a dentist.”

“Is this your first Hearth’s Warming away from your family?” Sunny Day asked.

“Yes.”  Technically, she spent several holidays by herself, but she chose not to mention that.  “Fortunately, my father found a special somepony to share the holiday with.”

“You’re from Canterlot, right, Colgate?” Crystal Clear asked.

“Born and raised.  I attended Celestia’s School and dental school here, and moved to Ponyville to start my practice.”  Knowing Canterlot unicorns, the question about Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns was going to come up, so Colgate made sure to mention it.  That statement elicited approving nods.

“Is your father in Canterlot?” Crystal Clear asked.

“No, he retired to Ponyville.  Perhaps retired isn’t the right word anymore, as he’s been working as Ponyville’s police chief.”

“Oh?  Was he in law enforcement in Canterlot?  What is his name?” Stalwart Defender asked.

“Yes.  Gold Watch.  Did you know him?”

“Yes.  He is a good stallion.”

“Even though you and he were on different sides?”

“Colgate, we were on the same side, the side of justice,” Stalwart Defender said.  “In the legal system, we all do our duty.  The only failure is for Princess Celestia to step in and render summary judgment, because that means you were not doing your duty.”

“I’ve never thought of it that way,” Colgate said.

“Ponies don’t think about matters of law and justice as a rule.  Your father probably talked about that.”

Colgate nodded.  “He did.”

“I still have several good years left in me, and I will spend them working for justice.”

Crystal Clear rolled her eyes.  “Dear, it’s the holidays.  It’s a time for family, not for talking about work.”

“Sorry.  And to think there’s somepony who hasn’t heard all my old stories!”

True to Crystal Clear’s desires, the conversation shifted to family.  Her initial grilling complete, Colgate was able to listen, learning about Sharp Eye’s family as they shared conversation, snacks, and tea.  Once the two foals were put to bed, the evening continued with drinks and parlor games.

Luna’s moon was well into the sky by the time the family was ready to turn in.  “Let me show you to the guest room,” Crystal Clear offered.

Colgate nodded, and was taken by the older mare to a neat room decorated simply in blue and white.  “There’s a bathroom down the hall.  We’ll be going out to brunch in the morning, but we won’t be leaving until 10:00,” Crystal Clear said.

“Thank you, Crystal Clear.”

Colgate washed up and brushed her teeth.  On the way out of the bathroom, she passed Sharp Eye.  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes, everything’s good,” she replied.  “Where are you sleeping?”

“My old bedroom,” Sharp Eye said.  “It’s been redecorated, but it still feels funny.”

Colgate chuckled.  “It was worse with my father.  He never took down my fillyhood decorations.”

“Yeah.”  Sharp Eye paused.  “Well, um, have a good night.”

Colgate closed the gap and kissed Sharp Eye.  “Good night.”

Retiring to her room, Colgate reflected on surviving her first day with her coltfriend’s parents.  She hoped her father was doing as well in Ponyville.





“That wasn’t your normal patrol,” Silver Shield said to Gold Watch.

Gold Watch nodded to the guardspony, who noticed he wasn’t on his normal schedule.  “I wanted to be sure to be back when the mail arrived.”

“You’re expecting mail, at the station?”

Gold Watch nodded.  “Something very important.”

The mailmare was good at her job, and so always delivered to the police station within a few minutes of 1:15.  It was a rare day that the mail did not come on time.  Unfortunately for Gold Watch, today was one of those days.

“Would you stop pacing?” Silver Shield said.  “The mailmare’s probably on vacation, like most of Ponyville.”

“You’re probably right.  Maybe she stayed in Canterlot.”  He sat down.  “Did you go?”

“No.  But Thunderlane took Rumble.  They enjoyed it.  And I had the time to wrap their gifts.”

Gold Watch tried to work, but he couldn’t focus.  He kept looking out the window, every 90 seconds.

Finally, Silver Shield had enough.  “Chief, you need to leave the station if you’re going to get your mind off of this.  Go on patrol.  I promise to protect whatever package you receive with my life.”

Gold Watch sighed.  “You’re right.”

Walking the streets of Ponyville, Gold Watch was struck by how quiet it was.  Normally, there would be something, friends talking, foals playing, or the sound of somepony working.  But with much of Ponyville still in Canterlot, and the rest no doubt safe inside with their families, Gold Watch only had the sound of the wind to keep him company.

At five minutes past two, he stopped by the marketplace.  Only a few ponies had set up their carts.  Golden Grain was among them, and the farmer called to him.  “Need a last minute gift?” he said, holding up a bottle of carrot vodka.

Gold Watch trotted over to the stallion’s cart.  “I’m good, thanks.”  He looked over the wares.  Raw carrots, jars of cooked carrots, candied carrots, carrot vodka, and plain, ordinary flour.  “I’ll take a bundle of carrots,” he said, levitating over two bits.  “Did you see the Hearth’s Warming pageant in Canterlot yesterday?”

“We did,” Golden Grain said.  “We came back right away.  Goldie’s foalsitting for a bunch of parents who wanted to spend the night in Canterlot.”

“That sounds nice.”

“A few extra bits in winter always helps, and Goldie loves to be around foals,” Golden Grain said.  “Course, that means I’m stuck at market on the slowest day of the year.”

“I wouldn’t stick around too long.  It’s cold out here.”

“I’ll stick it out.  You have a good day, Gold Watch.”

Gold Watch returned to the police station at 2:37 PM, and had to endure another ninety-eight minutes of waiting before the mail arrived.  An older unicorn stallion carried in a small package.  “Gold Watch?” he called.

“Over here,” he replied.  “I am so glad to see you.  I was worried when the mail didn’t come at the normal time.”

“Well, Ditzy Doo’s on vacation, so with only two of us there, we can’t go as fast.  I’m Express Mail, the postmaster, and I normally don’t deliver the mail.  Sign here.”

Gold Watch took a quill and signed for the package.

“Last minute gift?” Express Mail asked.

“Something like that,” Gold Watch replied.  But it was something more than that.  It was a very important item, crafted by the same jeweler from whom he had made the most important purchase of his life, thirty-three years and twenty days prior.  And just like that purchase, it was a gift to be given on Hearth’s Warming Eve.

“Well, you have a pleasant Hearth’s Warming, Chief,” Express Mail said.

“You too.”

Gold Watch tucked the package securely in his saddlebags and headed for the door.  “I’m heading home,” he told Silver Shield.  “Happy Hearth’s Warming!”





The elegant formal dining room of Stalwart Defender’s and Crystal Clear’s home was set for the Hearth’s Warming feast.  The traditional stew, baked in a pumpkin shell, was the centerpiece.  Baskets of bread and plates of vegetables, fruits, and salads were set out, ready to be shared family-style.  Colgate took a seat next to Sharp Eye, as did the other couples.

Stalwart Defender and Crystal Clear sat at the ends of the table.  Once everypony was seated, Crystal Clear rose.  “On this day, we remember the darkest days of Equestria’s past, that time when friendship and harmony were almost lost forever,” she intoned.  “When earth pony fought unicorn, when unicorn fought pegasus, when pegasus fought earth pony, there was strife.  There was hunger.  There was cold, bitter cold.  Only when they came together, and fought the cold as one, did the fires of friendship rekindle.

“In the meal we share today, we symbolically unite the three tribes.  From the earth ponies, we have a base of hardy vegetables, those vegetables that were among the last to be grown as eternal winter approached.  From the pegasi, we have the sweetness of cloudberries, grown only with sunlight and cloud magic.  And from the unicorns, we have the bitterness of manaca root, praised by the great wizards for its ability to let a unicorn recover her magical strength.”

Colgate bowed her head and listened solemnly.  Most families dispensed with the speech and changed the recipe, mostly because manaca root didn’t taste good.  But Sharp Eye’s parents were traditionalists, and she would respect that.  The two foals at the table watched with rapt attention, though she doubted they would remember much by the next day.

Crystal Clear removed the lid from the pumpkin and lifted it into the air with her magic.  From youngest to oldest, she ladled a small amount of stew onto each pony’s plate, and then paused.

“When we embraced strife, there was want.  When we embraced harmony, there was plenty.  Tonight, let the fires of friendship warm our hearths.  Now, let us eat.”

The table burst into activity, sharing the bounty of the Hearth’s Warming feast.  Despite the formal beginning, the meal was like any shared by a large family, full of lively conversation and warm feelings.  Colgate even allowed herself a small slice of cake when dessert was served.

Following dinner, the ponies separated into family units, finding a quiet corner of the large house to share with those closest to them.  Sharp Eye and Colgate shared a sofa in the parlor.

“Thank you,” Sharp Eye said.

“For what?” Colgate asked.

“For eating cake.  I know you don’t like eating sugary foods.”

Colgate laughed.  “As sacrifices go, that’s not a very big one.  I think I can eat cake one a year.”

“Thank you for spending the holidays with me,” Sharp Eye added.  “I hope your father is okay.”

“I think he’ll appreciate some time with Green Tea.”

“And thank you for accepting my family.  I know they’re not like your parents.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t love them and respect them as ponies.  Besides, the traditions are beautiful.  It felt nice to be reminded of the fires of friendship.”

Sharp Eye looked up.  “Speaking of traditions....”

Colgate followed his gaze, seeing the hanging mistletoe.  “Well, we should respect tradition, right?”

The two ponies shared a passionate kiss.





In a small home in quiet Ponyville, two ponies snuggled on a couch, enjoying the warm fire and mugs of hot chocolate.  “I hope you like your gift,” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch had come home to find the fanciest coffeemaker he had ever seen set up in the kitchen.  It must have been installed while he was at work.  “I love it,” he said.  “But you know all those fancy dials and gadgets are going to be wasted on me.”

“Let’s learn what kinds of coffee it can make, together.”  Green Tea gave him a peck on the lips.  “Now, since you got your gift early, it’s only fair I get your gift tonight, don’t you think?”

“I was going to anyway.  I’ll be right back.”

Gold Watch headed to the basement, where he had hidden Green Tea’s gift.  He returned with the jewelry box held in his magic.

“It’s beautiful,” Green Tea said.

“This one’s not for your shop, but for us.  The top is a music box.”

Green Tea lifted the top of the music box.  Gears turned and music chimed, an old romantic tune that was already beloved back when they had been young.

“And in the drawers, you can keep safe what’s most precious.

She opened the first of the three drawers.  It was velvet-lined and organized in small sections, perfect for storing earrings.  The second drawer was also lined, but only had two containers.  The third was one large drawer, and in it rested a bracelet.

An earth pony engagement bracelet.

Green Tea gasped and looked up.  Gold Watch was on his knees before her.

“Green Tea, would you make me the happiest stallion in Equestria and share your life with me, until the day we are called to the Great Pasture?”

“Yes!” she screamed.  She carefully set the jewelry box on the coffee table.  “Yes!”

Green Tea reached down, and with all her earth pony strength, pulled Gold Watch to her.

> Chapter 14: Hearts and Hooves Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 14: Hearts and Hooves Day





In the skies above Ponyville, the pegasi of the weather team cleared away gray clouds.  A brief warm spell was scheduled, ready to melt the snow and lift ponies’ spirits just in time for Hearts and Hooves Day.

But it wasn’t warm yet, and so Gold Watch and Colgate shared their breakfast at a table inside Sugarcube Corner.

“You’re looking good, Dad,” Colgate said.

“I’ve been keeping active, as you know,” Gold Watch replied, taking another bite of his muffin.  “Oh.  I’ve sold my old house.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I sold it to an old donkey who’s going to move to Ponyville in spring.  He was a stubborn negotiator, but in the end, he had to admit I took care of my house.”

“That’s interesting.  There aren’t many donkeys in town,” Colgate observed.  “I have an appointment with one of them today, though.”

“Your practice doing well?” Gold Watch asked.

“I have a good slate of patients,” Colgate said.  “Now, Dad, are you ready for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Yes, sweetie.  As the town’s part time police chief, I can set my schedule, and I made sure to take Hearts and Hooves Day off.  I hope you have something nice planned, too.”

Colgate nodded.  “Neither Sharp Eye nor I have a late appointment, so we’re going to an early dinner at that nice Prench restaurant.”

“And?”

Colgate sighed.  “We’re leaving the evening free, so we can do whatever strikes our fancy.”

“I certainly hope you two will do something more than dinner,” Gold Watch said.

“Dad, what we do is our business,” Colgate replied.  She smiled as she turned the tables.  “So, have you and Green Tea set a date yet?”

“We’re thinking of the traditional date, the first day of summer.  I know that might mean a conflict, but we’re going to have a small ceremony, and I don’t know anypony else having a wedding that day.”

“Um, Dad?”

“Yes, Colgate?”

“There is a wedding being held that day.  I don’t think any of your friends from the police station would be able to attend.  And neither will I.”

“What do you mean?  You’re making it sound like a princess is getting married,” Gold Watch said.

“She is,” Colgate said.  “Please keep it quiet, since it hasn’t been officially announced, but Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is marrying the captain of the Royal Guard on the first day of summer.  And the princess invited me to be one of her bridesmaids.”

It was a good thing Gold Watch wasn’t drinking coffee, else he would have spit it over the table.  “Your old foalsitter?

“I know!  I’m honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and a little surprised, too.  I haven’t kept in touch with her like I should have.”

“You always looked up to her,” Gold Watch said.

“And she gave me encouragement.  She said I could become a dentist if that’s what I wanted.”

“Maybe that’s why she remembered you.  She had a big influence on you.”

“Perhaps,” Colgate said.  “But back to your wedding.  What are you waiting for?”

Gold Watch took a bite of his muffin.  It was a good question.  What was he waiting for?





Gold Watch returned home that evening after a day at the police station.  Their home was quiet, so Green Tea was still in her shop.  He passed through the store connecting their home with the shop, finding his fiancée busily restocking the shelves.

He greeted her with a kiss.  “I missed you,” he said.

“I know!  It’s been, what, three hours since you saw me?”

“I can’t help it if my patrols bring me by my favorite coffee seller,” Gold Watch said.  “Fortunately, I have no patrols in two days.  I’m looking forward to spending Hearts and Hooves Day in the company of my very special somepony.”

Green Tea nuzzled him.  “But I still have to run my shop,” she said.

“Oh.”

“But I will be closing in the early afternoon, so we’ll have most of the day for each other.”

“Really?  Ponies need to buy tea for Hearts and Hooves Day?” Gold Watch wondered.

“Indeed they do.  The rose tea and apple cinnamon herbal tea are both very popular.  You should try the apple cinnamon tea.  There’s some left in the teapot, though it’s probably cold by now.”

Gold Watch poured the cool tea from the teapot Green Tea had set out for sampling.  With a quick spell, he heated the liquid.  He inhaled the aroma, and sipped the tea.  “Tastes good,” he said.  “Is this your blend?”

Green Tea nodded.  “I use apples from Sweet Apple Acres and spices from a little shop in the tropics.”

“Oh.  My daughter told me the first day of summer would be a bad day to schedule a wedding.  What would you say to moving up our special day?”

“I’d love to,” Green Tea said.  She gave Gold Watch a kiss.  “Let’s talk about it over dinner.”





Gold Watch tucked into his baked hay and roasted root vegetables.  While Green Tea did her best to make it tasty, it just reminded him of how much he longed for the first spring harvest.  “I can’t wait for spring,” he said.

“Me too.”

“A spring wedding.  That sounds nice,” Gold Watch mused.”

“It shouldn’t be any earlier than spring.  I want to feel Celestia’s sun warm me and the bountiful earth under my hooves,” Green Tea said.

“Can you feel the earth through horseshoes?” Gold Watch asked.

Green Tea smiled.  “Have you ever attended a wedding outside of Canterlot, dear?”

Gold Watch thought about it a moment.  “I can’t think of one.”

“It’s earth pony tradition to celebrate marriage in an outdoor ceremony, with hooves unshod and touching the earth,” Green Tea explained.  “But most weddings in Ponyville are casual like that.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“Really?  That doesn’t sound like something you’d want, dear.”

“Yes, but I haven’t worn horseshoes since my retirement dinner.  Putting them on again after nearly two years is a pain I’d rather not deal with,” Gold Watch said.  “Now, what would you say about getting married right after Winter Wrap-Up?”

“We should probably wait until after first planting,” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch raised an eyebrow.

“The farmers work very hard right after Winter Wrap-Up, planting the seeds for bountiful harvests for the year, both literally and metaphorically.  Did you notice it seemed slower in town at the beginning of spring?”

“I remember the market being slow.  Ponies only had their carts there for a short time,” Gold Watch recalled.  “It meant longer lines.”

“That’s right.  The farmers spend more time in the fields.  And I visit the Whitetail Wood to collect tender shoots.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind waiting until that’s all over,” Gold Watch said.  “How long are we talking?”

“Two weeks, traditionally.  After that, things like festivals and rodeos start happening.”

“Well, I’m not interested in either.  How does three weeks after Winter Wrap-Up sound?”

“Mmm.  Sounds good, assuming rain isn’t scheduled.”

Gold Watch leaned across the table and took her hooves in his.  “Then we have a date.”





Green Tea awoke with her fiancé’s forelegs wrapped around her.  On the nightstand lay a box of chocolates and a bouquet of sugar-dipped roses.

“Oh, sweetie, they’re wonderful,” she said.

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, honey.  I wanted you to wake up to something sweet,” Gold Watch said.

She turned and nuzzled him.  “I always wake up to something sweet.”

They shared each others’ company for a few minutes, but Green Tea eventually needed to rise.  She had a shop to run.

It was a lovely start to Hearts and Hooves day, but it would not last.





Gold Watch wandered around Green Tea’s shop again, stopping at the counter.  “Need any help?  Anything restocked?”

Green Tea sighed.  “Gold Watch, I love you, and appreciate that you want to spend all of Hearts and Hooves Day with me, but you’re getting in the way.  Please, do something else this morning.  Go on patrol.”

“This is my day off,” he said.

“Then go for a walk around town.  Come back after lunch.  Please, sweetie?”

“Fine,” Gold Watch huffed.

Green Tea leaned across the counter and kissed Gold Watch.  “Be good, sweetheart.”





Gold Watch first visited Town Hall, confirming that the long range weather schedule showed the weather for their wedding date to be clear.  The weather wouldn’t be official until published in the newspaper, normally two weeks in advance, but the precipitation schedule didn’t often change unless the weather from the Everfree Forest acted up.

“Or something else goes wrong,” he mused.

“Did you say something?” Mayor Mare asked as she entered the room.

“Oh, nothing,” Gold Watch said.

“I hope there’s nothing to interrupt Hearts and Hooves Day,” she said.

“No, I’m here as a private citizen,” Gold Watch said.  “Though there is something I need to do.  How do I go about reserving one of the town parks for a small ceremony on the 11th of April?”

Mayor Mare smiled.  “Is this your big day?”

“Yes, but we’re hoping to keep it small,” he replied.

“Go talk to Red Tape to make your reservation.  Personally, I recommend Rich Park, next to the rose trellis.”

“Thank you for your advice, Madame Mayor.”

Red Tape efficiently handled the paperwork.  In a surprising turn for the Canterlot native, there wasn’t even a fee required.  He left Town Hall feeling happy.  With the date scheduled and location secured, Gold Watch thought about what else he needed to do.  He had to send invitations to some ponies in Canterlot, but since they were all in the police force, he didn’t even need to use the mail.  It was a task that could wait for his next day at the station.

He had plenty of time to muse about the details as he began his patrol.  Or, rather, his trot around town.

Gold Watch came across a touching scene in one of the parks.  Three fillies were setting up a romantic picnic lunch next to an apple tree.  He recalled them as three of the fillies from Miss Cheerilee’s class.

“Is that for me and my special somepony?” he asked.

“Sorry, Mr. Police Chief, the orange pegasus said.

“It’s for mah brother!” the yellow earth pony said.

“And our teacher!” the white unicorn squeaked.

“Really?  Perhaps she won’t be Miss Cheerilee for much longer, then,” Gold Watch said.

“Well, ahh, you see,” the pegasus started.

“They’re not special someponies yet,” the earth pony continued.

“But we’re sure they’ll be perfect for each other,” the unicorn finished.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MATCHMAKERS, YAY!” the trio shouted, jumping and clapping their forehooves together.

Gold Watch chuckled.  “Good luck, you three.”  Though his gut told him their plan wasn’t going to work out, he couldn’t help but smile.





Gold Watch returned to Green Tea’s shop just before she planned on closing, a small cone-shaped paper bag held in his aura.  “I’m back,” he announced.

“Welcome back,” Green Tea said warmly.  “Something smells good.”

He offered her the bag.  “Cinnamon roasted pecans.  Butternut was selling them.”

“Sounds like a good snack for this evening,” she said.  “How about we get lunch at the Daisy Cafe?”

“That sounds perfect.”

Although that picnic lunch sounded nice, Gold Watch was happy spending Hearts and Hooves Day anywhere, as long as he was with Green Tea.  The Daisy Cafe wasn’t someplace one would think to take their special somepony, especially today.  But that meant the two ponies could spend as much time there as they wanted.

Taking a table by the window, Green Tea and Gold Watch had a nice view of Ponyville.  Sugarcube Corner was across the street, and couples of all ages stopped in for sweet treats.

“I see Golden Harvest,” Gold Watch said.  The mare wasn’t with her husband.  Rather, she was working, delivering a cartload of flour.  Golden Harvest carried the bags of flour into the bakery, balancing four of the heavy burlap bags on her back at once.

Gold Watch watched her work.  “Is something wrong with Golden Harvest?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“When I came to Ponyville, I got the idea that she and the Cakes were good friends.  But they seem to have drifted apart.”  Gold Watch observed the orange-maned mare; she looked perturbed.

“Has she been that way for around a year?” Green Tea asked.

“I think so.”

“I think I know why.”  Green Tea sighed.  “I understand what she’s going through.”

“I’m not sure I see it.”

“A year ago is around when the Cakes announced they were expecting.”

“Oh.”  Now it was clear.  From what Gold Watch had observed, earth ponies, especially farmers, valued large families.  “She’s having trouble?”

Green Tea nodded.  “She’s never talked to me about it, but you know how word gets around.  She’s been getting magical treatments for a few years.  They’re trying, but she may be barren.”

“That’s, um....”  He looked to Green Tea.  “What about you?”

“When I was a filly, I always envisioned myself with two perfect little foals.  One colt and one filly, of course.  Wood Frame and I tried, but I never became pregnant.  We both agreed to keep things natural.  No magical treatments.  If it wasn’t in the cards....”

“Do you regret it?”

“A little.  But it meant I could share my time with the community.”

“And, perhaps, one day, we’ll have a little grandfoal to spoil.”

“How are things going with your daughter and her special somepony?”

“They should be at that fancy Prench restaurant now.”  Gold Watch noted that it was 5:48 PM.   “They said they were planning on an early dinner, but they didn’t say when.”

“Let them have their own special night,” Green Tea said.  “Do you want to head back?”

Gold Watch nodded.  He rose, and left a large tip on the table.  He noted that Mr. Cake was now repairing damage to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, and wondered what happened.

Two and a half seconds after Gold Watch and Green Tea stepped out of the cafe, Pinkie Pie appeared in front of them.  The mare had a huge grin on her face, and presented them with a tray of cupcakes.  Red cake was piled with blue frosting several inches tall.  “I have free cupcakes for all the new young lovers.  Raspberry cake with blueberry frosting!”

Gold Watch looked to Green Tea.  “Do you see any young lovers around here, dear?”

Pinkie Pie poked her head between them.  “I won’t tell if you don’t,” she said in a stage whisper.

“They do look delicious,” Green Tea said.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to pass,” Gold Watch said.  “I have a sweet treat waiting for us at home.”

“Oh?” Green Tea said.

Pinkie Pie’s smile faltered slightly.  “That’s okay, you two.  Have a happy Hearts and Hooves Day!”

They departed, leaving Pinkie Pie to find other couples.  Green Tea nudged Gold Watch.  “You sly dog.  What did you get?  I hope it’s chocolate cake!”

“Actually, Green Tea, there isn’t anything,” Gold Watch admitted.  “I’m sorry.  But my gut was telling me to pass on those cupcakes.”

“Why?”

“I wish I could tell you.  Something seemed off, but I don’t know what.  But my instincts kept me safe for forty years in Canterlot, and served me well as a detective.  All I ask is you trust me.”

“I trust you, Gold Watch.  But I’m still expecting some chocolate cake.”

“You know, I have Blue Opal’s recipes somewhere.  She knew how to make a good Germane chocolate cake.  Would you happen to have some coconut at home?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, maybe we could....”  Gold Watch trailed off.  He caught sight of something very unusual, and his heart sank.  “I’m so sorry, Green Tea.  I have to deal with this.”

Green Tea’s jaw dropped once she saw it: a pony pulling an entire house, with the house’s resident still inside.  “No, go.  Please help that mare.”

Catching up to the house wasn’t a problem.  He recognized the stallion pulling it as McIntosh, and despite the stallion’s legendary strength, even he couldn’t pull a house very fast.  He also noticed one of the fillies from earlier.  But his first priority was the mare in danger.

“Ma’am, I need you to stay calm.  Open your eyes.”  She stopped yelling, and peeked out the second floor window.  “No.  Don’t look outside.  I need you to carefully walk to the door and brace yourself in the door frame.  Do not go downstairs unless you think the roof is going to fail.”

The mare did as Gold Watch instructed.

“Ma’am?  Listen to my voice.  You will be safe.  Stay calm until I give you further instructions.”

McIntosh dragged the house almost all the way to Carousel Boutique before the rope snapped.  The house stopped moving.

Gold Watch made a quick visual inspection of the house.  It was obviously of sturdy construction, as he didn’t see anything wrong.  It reminded him of inspecting his own house after Discord had toyed with it.  “Okay, ma’am.  Please slowly come down the stairs.  Open the door, slowly, and step out.”

The mare, a plum earth pony with grapes and other fruit for a cutie mark, stepped out, and promptly collapsed to the ground.  “I picked the wrong week to quit drinking,” she muttered.

Gold Watch checked the mares’ vital signs; she had just passed out.  He looked around, and surprisingly did not see McIntosh.  However, he did see the three fillies from before, looking into a hole in the ground that certainly shouldn’t be there.  He recalled the fillies having referred to themselves as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and he then realized he recognized the name.

For all the talk about the destructive nature of these fillies, this was the first time Gold Watch had seen any damage caused by them.

The plum mare was stirring.  Gold Watch helped her into a sitting position.  “Ma’am, please sit and rest.  Don’t stand until your head clears.”

“Okay, sir,” she replied.

Gold Watch stepped to the hole, being careful to avoid any loose dirt around its edge.  He spotted McIntosh and Cheerilee at the bottom of the pit, atop a feather bed, with the teacher wearing a veil.  “Anypony down there need help?”

“Ah suppose we need a rope,” McIntosh said.

“Got it!” the yellow filly said.

Once everypony was safely out of the pit, Gold Watch spoke.  “Now, would somepony please tell me what happened?”

“Now, Chief, there ain’t nothin’ to talk about.  These fillies know what they did was wrong, and we’ve agreed on a punishment,” McIntosh said.

“Sir, be that as it may, I want to know what happened.  Just the facts.”

With that, the three excited fillies recounted their attempt to bring their teacher together with McIntosh, who was the brother of the yellow filly (Apple Bloom, he noted, having finally learned their names).  They described their romantic picnic attempt (a good idea, if clumsily executed), and their use of a love potion that turned out to be a love poison (a very bad idea).

“Now, explain again where you found this love poison?” Gold Watch asked.

“It was in a book we got from Twilight!” Sweetie Belle said.

Gold Watch was not surprised to hear that name.

“Now, there’s still the matter of the damage to this mare’s house.  Ma’am?  Can I get your name?”

“It’s Berry Punch.”

“I’m Gold Watch, the police chief,” Gold Watch replied.  He turned to the others.  “Now, you can see that Miss Berry Punch’s house isn’t where it should be.”

“Ah apologize, ma’am,” McIntosh said.  “Ah’ll get Applejack and we’ll get your house fixed up, all right and quick.”

“Then I don’t need to get the police involved, Chief.  I trust the Apples,” Berry Punch said.  “Be sure to wear the tool vest,” she said to McIntosh.”

“I’m going to get Twilight Sparkle,” Gold Watch said.  “I bet her magic will help.”

Besides, I really need to talk to her, he thought.





Gold Watch opened the door to the library.  “Miss Twilight Sparkle?” he called.  “Are you in?”

The librarian came down the stairs.  “Oh, hi, Chief.”

“Can I ask you some questions?”

“Sure.  Would you like tea?”

“No, thanks,” he said.  Unlike most of the ponies Gold Watch had interrogated over his career, Twilight Sparkle was cooperative.  Although he didn’t know if she had done something wrong, she didn’t act like she had.

Twilight Sparkle took a seat on the couch.  “So what did you want to talk about?” she asked.

“Could you tell me about your interactions with Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo today?”

“Well, I bumped into them today.  Literally.  I really need to stop walking and reading,” she said with a nervous chuckle.  “I told them I was reading a fascinating book about the history of Hearts and Hooves Day.  They asked if they could borrow it, and of course I said yes.  And then they took off right after that!”

“Was there a love potion, or rather love poison, recipe in the book?”

“Yes.  How did you know?”

“Because those Cutie Mark Crusaders made the love poison, and created quite a bit of trouble in town today.  Miss Twilight Sparkle, you really need to be more careful about these kinds of books.”

“What?  But that’s impossible,” she said.

“Obviously, it wasn’t,” Gold Watch said.

“No.  Three fillies with no training in alchemy should not be able to make a potion, even with a recipe.  You can’t just throw ingredients together!  You need to understand the interactions of the magic involved in each element!  If you don’t, the magic just fizzles and returns to the æther.”

“While that’s how I understand alchemy as well, they did make the potion.  What if it’s one of their special talents?”

“I’m pretty sure Sweetie Belle’s special talent involves singing.”

“And the others?”

“Stunts and construction, or possibly woodworking,” Twilight Sparkle said confidently.

“Look.  I’m just saying, either one of them has a talent, which you might want to nurture, or the book’s recipe is more thorough than you thought, in which case you might not want to loan out that book to fillies,” Gold Watch said.  “Now, would you mind coming with me?  I think McIntosh and Applejack might need your help.”





“Would the monsieur and madame care for dessert?” the waiter asked.

“No thank you,” Colgate replied.

“Just the bill, then,” Sharp Eye said.

“Of course,” the waiter replied.

“This was a lovely meal,” Colgate said.

Sharp Eye looked around the full restaurant.  “I guess I’m not the only stallion to have had this idea.”

“I don’t care if everypony in Ponyville came here.  I’ve always wanted to eat here.  So thank you for inviting me, Sharp Eye.”

“My pleasure.”

The waiter returned with the bill.  Sharp Eye left several stacks of bits to cover the bill and tip.  “Shall we get going?” he suggested.

“Yes.”

On the way out, Colgate paused.  “Excuse me for a moment,” she said, before heading to the restroom.

Sharp Eye sat down and waited.  He grew more and more nervous the more time that passed.  His mind was conjuring visions of Colgate sneaking out the window to avoid seeing him again.  But then, the door to the restroom opened, and Colgate returned.

“Thank you for waiting,” Colgate said.  She kissed Sharp Eye on the lips.

Sharp Eye detected the minty taste of toothpaste in Colgate’s mouth.  “You brushed your teeth?”

“After every meal and before bed,” she replied.  “And I wouldn’t be a good dentist if I didn’t brush for as long as I tell my patients to brush.”

“So, um, would you... like to come by my apartment?” Sharp Eye said.

Colgate was hoping to hear those words.  “I’d love to,” she said.

They departed the restaurant, Colgate leaning on her coltfriend as they walked.  It was a beautiful evening, one that couldn’t be ruined by anything.

Except that.

“Quick, turn down this street!” Colgate urged.

“What?  Why?” Sharp Eye asked.

“Just do it!” she hissed.

Once they were safely down the side street, Sharp Eye turned to Colgate.  “What was that about?”

“My father was there,” she replied.

“Doing what?”

“I don’t know, but it was probably related to the house sitting in the street.”

“What house?”

“How did you not notice that?” Colgate said.

“I was distracted by a far more beautiful sight,” Sharp Eye replied.

Colgate nuzzled him.  “Good answer.”  She looked around.  “That road should take us by Sugarcube Corner.  Let’s go!”

As soon as they got within sight of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie appeared, carrying a tray of cupcakes.  “I have free cupcakes for all the new young lovers.  Raspberry cake with blueberry frosting!  And look!  There’s even one with only a little frosting for my favorite dentist!”

“But you don’t go to the dentist,” Colgate said.

“That’s because my teeth are perfect!” Pinkie Pie replied.

“I have no idea how,” Colgate muttered.

Pinkie Pie waggled the tray of cupcakes.  “Looks good, huh?”

“They do,” Sharp Eye said.

“I don’t know,” Colgate said.

Sharp Eye turned to Colgate.  “Colgate, you said you’d be willing to eat the occasional sweet treat.  And Pinkie Pie made one especially for you.  I think it’s a sign that this is a good dessert for this fine evening.”

Colgate sighed and relented.  “Fine.”

Pinkie Pie’s grin grew twice as large as the two unicorns grabbed the cupcakes in their magic.  Colgate took a small bite.  “This is really good!” she exclaimed.

“Wow.  So much fresh fruit flavor!” Sharp Eye said.

“Thanks!  I make the tastiest cupcakes, no matter what’s in them!  Now, you two lovebirds have a lovely evening!” Pinkie Pie said, just before dashing off to find another couple.

Sharp Eye took Colgate down the tree-lined street to the small house he owned.  She noted it was only the second time she had been there.  Sharp Eye opened the door, and let Colgate step inside.

The interior of his house was still sparsely decorated, and obviously freshly cleaned.  A plush chair and loveseat surrounded a coffee table, set by the fireplace.  Sharp Eye levitated a log and some kindling into the fireplace, and stoked the fire with a spark of magic from his horn.

“Would you like some wine?” Sharp Eye asked.

“I’d love some,” Colgate replied.

She settled onto the loveseat.  Sharp Eye returned with a bottle of red wine and two glasses.  He opened the bottle and poured two glasses.  After that, he went to his phonograph.  “Classical music?” he suggested.

“Sure,” Colgate replied.

Sharp Eye set the record on the phonograph and cranked it.  Soothing orchestral music soon filled the room.

“I couldn’t tell you what piece this is,” Colgate commented.

“Neither could I,” Sharp Eye admitted.  “I just know it’s good background music.”

“I’m afraid my music appreciation classes didn’t take.”

Sharp Eye settled in next to Colgate.  He lifted a blanket in his magic; Colgate accepted it and draped it around the two of them.  “You had music appreciation at Celestia’s School?”

“Among other classes.  The school focuses on magic, but included a well-rounded curriculum, with a focus on topics that are more suitable to nobles.”

“Even though there aren’t many nobles at the school?”

“A few noble houses are well-represented, those that have a family talent that leans towards magic.  I suspect they have a lot of pull with the faculty.”

The two ponies reminisced about their respective schooling, and life in Canterlot.  When the first record finished, Sharp Eye replaced it with another.  Colgate still didn’t recognize the piece, but the meter was that of a waltz.

“Would you care to dance?” she asked Sharp Eye.

He bowed his head.  “I, uh, have four left hooves,” he said.

“That’s okay.  I’m not good at dancing, but this one is pretty simple.”

They rose, and Sharp Eye pushed the coffee table against the wall.  Colgate placed Sharp Eye’s foreleg in position, placed her own, and gave him instructions.  “It’s a one two three pattern, with the emphasis on the one.”

After a few stumbles, Colgate and Sharp Eye fell into rhythm, tracing a circle in Sharp Eye’s small living room.  In this form of dance, the two ponies never broke contact, and that suited Colgate just fine.  She nestled her head into the crook of Sharp Eye’s neck, appreciating the light cologne he wore, as well as the hint of his own masculine scent.

She felt a hoof on her chin.  Sharp Eye lifted Colgate’s head, looked into her eyes, and smiled.  Colgate closed her eyes and leaned in.  Their lips met, and the two ponies kissed until they gasped for air.

That night, as Colgate drifted off to sleep in the warm embrace of Sharp Eye, she realized she had forgotten to brush her teeth.  But as she snuggled against her coltfriend, she realized that, for one night, she didn’t care.





Green Tea nuzzled Gold Watch as they stirred the next morning.  “Good morning,” Green Tea said.

“Good morning to you,” Gold Watch replied.  “Sorry things didn’t work out like I wanted.”

She frowned.  “Gold Watch, you apologized last night, too.  Listen to me.  You never have to apologize for helping the ponies of this town.”

The previous night, Gold Watch stayed downtown while Applejack and McIntosh returned Berry Punch’s home to its proper place.  Twilight Sparkle’s help was needed to lift the home back on its foundation.  Seeing the mare life an entire house with her telekinesis, even if for just a brief moment, reminded Gold Watch of just how powerful the unicorn was.

He stuck around to make sure all the ponies involved were satisfied with the resolution, and didn’t have any need of the police.  And by the time he returned home, Green Tea had already baked a chocolate cake and brewed coffee.

“But I wanted to spend that time with you.  Just one evening, uninterrupted.  Is that too much to ask?” Gold Watch said.

“We spent the best part of the night uninterrupted,” Green Tea replied.  “I treasure every moment we share.  Gold Watch, please don’t be blue.”

Gold Watch’s eyes shot open.  “That’s it!”

“What?”

“Blue.”

“You’re not making any sense, dear,” Green Tea said.

“The frosting on the cupcakes was blue.  Why?”

“Because it was blueberry frosting?”

“Well, sure, but when has blueberry ever been associated with Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“I like fruit in my Hearts and Hooves Day treats,” Green Tea said.  “Chocolate covered cherries are standard, and I once had this delicious chocolate cake with a raspberry filling.”

“But that’s just it.  They’re all chocolate.  Last night, you could have baked any kind of cake, but you wanted chocolate cake,” Gold Watch said.

“You’re overthinking things, dear,” Green Tea said.  “I doubt there’s anything wrong with Pinkie Pie’s delicious cupcakes.”





Colgate awoke to a throbbing pain in her mouth, worse than any she had ever felt before.  She stumbled out of bed and into Sharp Eye’s bathroom.  She looked in the mirror, opened her mouth, and screamed.

From the bedroom, Colgate heard several rough sounds, like somepony bumping into the wall.  She heard Sharp Eye swear, and swear again when he bumped into the bedroom door, and again as he collided with the frame of the bathroom door.

“What’s wrong?” Sharp Eye said.

“Cavities!  Dozens of them!” Colgate yelled.

Sharp Eye tried to look at her mouth, but he couldn’t focus.  He closed his eyes and pressed his hoof to the throbbing he felt in his forehead.   When he opened his eyes again, Colgate got a good look at him.  Behind his thick glasses, Sharp Eye was only able to focus one eye on Colgate.

“You have derpy eyes,” she said.

Sharp Eye looked at the mirror.  “Strabismus,” he said.

“Huh?”

“This condition is called strabismus,” Sharp Eye said.  “Or, colloquially, cross-eye or wall-eye.  You shouldn’t use that term, you know.”

“Sorry,” Colgate said.  The one pony in town with the condition didn’t seem to mind the name, but then again, she didn’t seem bothered by anything.

“In case you’re wondering, this condition does not develop overnight.  And I’m guessing neither do cavities.”

“You’re right,” Colgate said.  “I just thought I was being punished for not brushing my teeth before bed, but that’s something that only happens in my nightmares.”

“We’re awake, and I’ll stay by your side,” Sharp Eye said.  “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“I think I want to see Twilight Sparkle instead.  When strange things happen, she’s most likely to know how to fix them.”

“Because she caused them?” Sharp Eye asked.

“A lot of times, yes.  But even if not, I hope she can tell us what happened.”





Gold Watch trotted along the road, headed toward the police station.  Above, the pegasi were moving clouds laden with snow into position.  Though the weather schedule called for heavy snow, the number of pegasi working was smaller than normal for such a weather event.

Just outside the police station, Gold Watch saw a hoof wave at him, from the side of the building.  “Excuse me, Mister Police Chief?” a mare said.

Gold Watch frowned and approached her cautiously.  “Yes?  What is it?”

“We have to, um, report something?”

Gold Watch remained a safe distance back and surveyed the scene.  Two pegasus mares, likely sisters based on their similar appearances, stood there uncomfortably.  One’s wings were abnormally large, their tips dragging on the ground.  The other mare’s wings were dripping wet, though her coat, mane, and tail were dry.

“Is it related to your appearance?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes, we woke up like this!” the other mare said.

“Okay, come inside and I’ll take your statement,” Gold Watch said.

A third voice whispered from behind the mares.  Gold Watch thought he heard it say no.

Gold Watch raised his voice.  “Whoever else is in the alley, show yourself, now,” he ordered.

The two mares nudged the figure, and a charcoal stallion sheepishly rose from his cowardly hiding spot.  The first thing Gold Watch noticed is his mane and tail were missing.  Not missing as in shaved, but missing as if he had been born without a mane.  The second thing he noticed is that he recognized the stallion’s description.

“Please, don’t make me go inside,” the stallion said.

“Thunderlane?” Gold Watch asked.

The stallion nodded.

Gold Watch knew Thunderlane’s father was on guard duty right now.  Out of kindness, he didn’t ask them to come inside.  “Do you have a crime to report?” he asked.

The three ponies looked at each other in confusion.

“Are any of you in distress?  Are you feeling pain?”

“No,” they all said.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t think I can help you.  Maybe you can check with the hospital?”

“Or a wig maker,” one of the mares said, earning a glare from Thunderlane.

“If you do learn about something that may be a crime, please come to the police station,” Gold Watch said.

The three afflicted ponies departed, and Gold Watch entered the police station.  Over at the guard station, Silver Shield nodded to him.  “You’re not your usual punctual self,” he commented.  “Is that because you had a good Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“I did have a good Hearts and Hooves Day, thank you very much, but I was just talking to some citizens of Ponyville,” Gold Watch replied.

He set about brewing a pot of coffee, but before it finished, another two ponies entered the station, an earth pony couple.  The stallion pushed his long, shaggy mane out of his eyes.  “Can you help me, Chief?”

“What’s wrong?”

“This!”

Gold Watch got a better look at the couple.  The mare was struggling to walk, with hooves three times the normal size.  And as he watched the stallion, he saw his mane and tail growing even longer.

“Unless you have a crime to report, or evidence of one, I’m afraid I can’t help.  Please, go to the hospital,” Gold Watch said.

“Okay,” the mare said.  The stallion supported her body as she walked slowly out of the station.

Once they departed, Gold Watch turned to Silver Shield.  “If anypony else comes to the station with strange physical characteristics, please send them to the hospital.  I need to go.”

“To the hospital?”

“Maybe later.  For now, there’s a mare I need to talk to.”





The door to Golden Oaks Library was closed, as the library wouldn’t open for another hour.  But Colgate knocked on it anyway.

After a minute of knocking, they heard a response.  “I’m sorry, the library’s closed right now, but we’ll be open later this morning,” Twilight Sparkle called.

“Twilight Sparkle, can we talk to you?  We need your help,” Colgate replied.

The librarian opened the door.  “Oh, hi, Colgate,” she said.  “And, um....”

“This is my coltfriend, Sharp Eye,” she replied.

“Okay, come in,” Twilight Sparkle said.

Both Colgate and Sharp Eye noticed how Twilight Sparkle kept looking at Sharp Eye’s lazy eye.  He closed it so that he could reach the couch without stumbling.

“What brings you here?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I woke up with cavities,” Colgate explained.  “Sharp Eye woke up with strat....”

“Strabismus.”

“That.”

“Both are conditions we are familiar with, due to our professions, but they don’t develop overnight,” Sharp Eye said.

“I suspect some kind of magic at work, but I can’t figure out what,” Colgate said.

“I can help you with that,” Twilight Sparkle said.  She concentrated, and a violet aura encompassed her two visitors.  She hmmed and ahed as she mentally made notes. “Okay.  I sense low strength curse magic, along with the chaotic magical signature associated with the Everfree Forest.  Tell me, have you been through the Everfree Forest recently?”

“No,” Sharp Eye said.

“Of course not,” Colgate said.

Twilight Sparkle examined the shelves, pulling down a book, an illustrated guide to the flora of Equestria.  She opened the book to a page that showed a blue flower.  “You show signs of Poison Joke.  Now, are you sure you haven’t been to the Everfree Forest?”

“No,” Colgate affirmed.

Twilight Sparkle nodded.  “The lingering magic on you is very weak.  It’s possible you encountered some Poison Joke residue.  But I’m not certain.  Very little is known about the plant, and how it affects ponies.”

“Can you fix it?” Sharp Eye asked.

“The spa has an herbal remedy that counteracts the effects of Poison Joke.”

“Is there anything else you can do?” Colgate asked, rubbing her jaw.  “We both need to get to work, and this condition is very distracting.”

“I can use the counterspell to remove curse magic, but I think that’s going overboard,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“Please?” Colgate asked.

Twilight Sparkle nodded.  But before she could start, she heard another knock on the door.

“Miss Twilight Sparkle?  Are you there?”

Twilight Sparkle opened the door.  “Hello, Chief.”

“Dad?” Colgate said, shocked.

“Colgate?” he said, equally surprised.  “What are you doing here?”

“They just ran into some minor curse magic,” Twilight Sparkle explained.

Gold Watch focused on the open book.  “What’s that?” he asked.

“Poison Joke.  It’s what I think is affecting these two.”

“How did it affect them?”

“Unless somepony’s not being honest about not going into the Everfree Forest, I don’t know.”

He looked at the illustration of a blue flower.  “What if that flower was incorporated into food?”

“It would transmit the curse, I think.  But the color would be obvious.”

Gold Watch turned to Colgate and Sharp Eye.  “Did you both eat cupcakes with blueberry frosting?”

Both nodded.  “How did you know?” Colgate asked.

“Because I didn’t eat them,” Gold Watch replied.  He turned to Twilight Sparkle.  “Do you know how to deal with this?”

“Let me try.”  She concentrated on her countermagic, straining as she unwound the curse magic clinging to Colgate and Sharp Eye.

Sharp Eye blinked as his eyes returned to normal.  “My eyes!  Thank you very much, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Thanks,” Colgate added.

“Glad to help,” she said as she wiped the sweat from her brow.

“I’ve already encountered five other ponies who I suspect are afflicted in the same manner.  Can I send them to you?” Gold Watch asked.

“No.  The countermeasure I know is rather draining, and I can’t keep doing it.  It’s overkill for the level of the curse seen here.  Fortunately, the spa has an herbal cure for Poison Joke, which should work.”

“Then could you do me a favor?  Please go to the hospital, and explain what’s happening to anypony you see with a similar curse.  I’ll stop by the spa when it opens.  Meanwhile, I have to see somepony.”





“Hiya, Chiefarooni!” Pinkie Pie greeted Gold Watch as he entered Sugarcube Corner.

“Please call me Chief, Miss Pinkie Pie,” he replied sternly.

“Oooh.  Somepony’s a Grumpy Gus today.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to be busy today, since several ponies in town appear to be under the effect of Poison Joke.  Do you know anything about it?”

“Uh-huh!” she replied cheerily.  “I ran into the plant before.  It made my tongue all thick and floppy.”

“I mean yesterday,” Gold Watch said.  “Do you remember what you baked?”

“Ooh, there were cookies and muffins and breads and my special Hearts and Hooves Day cupcakes!”

Gold Watch shook his head.  Pinkie Pie could clearly play dumb forever, so he decided to try the direct approach.  “Miss Pinkie Pie, did you lace the blueberry frosting in the cupcakes you made yesterday with Poison Joke?”

“Hmmm.  I did visit Zecora’s hut recently, to get some of her spices.  It’s possible I ran into some Poison Joke.  I sure hope I didn’t contaminate anything I baked!  Good thing that I know that ingested Poison Joke only lasts a few hours, and probably wouldn’t even need the full bath to cure!  And the laws of Ponyville recognize that sometimes, ponies bring bad things in from the Everfree, and it should be treated like the accident it is.”

Gold Watch recognized the tone of voice.  His daughter used it every time she misbehaved and thought she could get away with it.  He also heard a snort from the other side of the door leading to the kitchen.  He reached out with his magic and pulled the door open.  A rainbow-maned pegasus he recognized stumbled to the floor.

“Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash said with forced casualness.  “Looks like you’re busy, so gotta go!”  She flew off through the kitchen.

Gold Watch frowned and looked at Pinkie Pie.  “I will be reviewing the relevant laws.  But no matter what it says, I want to make something clear.  I disapprove of your little prank.”

“What prank?” Pinkie Pie replied with a smile.  “But, you know, if ponies happened to have weird things happen in the company of their special somepony, then just think of them coming together to help each other!  It sounds romantic to me.  So, do you want breakfast?”

“I don’t think I’m hungry.”





Gold Watch returned to the library.  Twilight Sparkle was absent, as expected, but Spike was there to retrieve the book with the laws of Ponyville, as well as anything that had been written about Poison Joke.  As Gold Watch sat down, he had a bad feeling that Pinkie Pie understood the laws of Ponyville perfectly.  After an hour of careful study, he learned more than he ever wanted to know about the kinds of curses Poison Joke could make.  He also determined that nopony anticipated somepony using a plant from the Everfree Forest to impart mild curses on her fellow ponies.

By that time, the spa was open.  As soon as Gold Watch mentioned Poison Joke, the twins who ran the spa sprung into action.  One set up a bath, while the other collected herbs.

“Actually, could you give me a bottle with some of the cure when it’s done?  I suspect the infected ponies might not need the bath.

“Certainly, sir,” the pink mare replied.  After eighteen minutes, the blue mare returned with a spray bottle, like one used for perfume, holding an aqua liquid.

“If this doesn’t work, I’ll send ponies to the spa,” Gold Watch said.

“Tell everypony that there will be a 20% discount for anypony who wants spa services today after receiving the Poison Joke cure,” the pink mare said.

“Certainly,” Gold Watch said.  Memories of his late wife flooded his mind.  Blue Opal liked the spa, and on the few occasions when they traveled on vacation, Gold Watch had used her spa time as a chance to do something that Blue Opal didn’t care for.

Did Green Tea visit the spa?  It didn’t seem like her style, but Gold Watch decided he’d better ask.  Besides, all mares liked a spa treatment before their wedding.

A wedding.  Gold Watch smiled.

“Excuse me?  Sir?”

Gold Watch broke from his reverie to see the two mares looking at him.  “Yes?”

“We asked if you had any other concerns.”

“Oh.  No, I’m good.  Thank you.”

Gold Watch took the bottle with the Poison Joke cure, and headed to the hospital.





The waiting room of Ponyville’s hospital was crowded.  Ponies, mostly couples, waited, with any amount of strange things afflicting them.  Gold Watch recognized a triage situation from the few disaster scenes in which he had been involved as a cop, and everypony here was out of immediate danger.

It didn’t stop them from being annoyed, of course.

Twilight Sparkle was gamely trying to maintain control, aiding the hospital staff.  She saw him, and finally smiled in relief.  “Chief!  I’m so glad to see you!”

“I’m happy to report the spa is ready with the Poison Joke cure,” Gold Watch said.  “I also have a spray bottle, which I think may be enough to cure these ponies.  Who would be willing to try it?”

Upon hearing the word “cure”, a gangly earth pony stallion pushed forward.  An embarrassed earth pony mare followed him.  “Them,” Twilight Sparkle suggested.

“You gotta help me,” the stallion said.  He seemed embarrassed by his high-pitched voice.

“Let’s see if this works,” Gold Watch said.  “No promises, mind you.”

He sprayed the stallion.  As soon as the droplets hit his coat, he started gaining bulk, soon filling out into a muscular stallion.  His cutie mark suggested he worked in construction, and this stallion now resembled the stereotypical construction pony.

Gold Watch then sprayed the mare, who changed color from a gray coat and black mane to a bright fuchsia coat and two-tone gold and orange mane.  She looked at herself, and sighed in relief.  “Thank you,” she said.  “We both thank you.”  She nudged the stallion.

“Yeah, thanks,” he added.

“So, did you spend Hearts and Hooves Day together yesterday?” Gold Watch asked.

“What’s it to you?” the stallion asked.

The mare smacked the stallion.  “What Cinder Block meant to say is that we spend a wonderful Hearts and Hooves Day together,” she said.  “It was our first.”

“Did you enjoy the delicious raspberry cupcakes that Sugarcube Corner was giving away yesterday?”

Both ponies nodded.

“Well, it looks like this cure works,” Gold Watch said.  “If you want to be certain, though, the spa has a free bath that will cure your symptoms, and other services at a 20% discount.  I’m sure your marefriend would appreciate a little pampering,” he told the stallion.

The stallion rolled his eyes, but reconsidered when he saw the gleam in his marefriend’s eyes.

After seeing that the spray bottle worked, Gold Watch and Twilight Sparkle then cured the other ponies in the waiting room.  The only pony who wasn’t cured was a chubby colt, who admitted to having two of Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes.  In his interaction with each of the couples, he confirmed that they all sampled Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes, and they were all spending their first Hearts and Hooves Day with their special somepony.  The last group he cured was the stallion and two mares he had seen earlier.

“Thunderlane, right?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Let’s see if this regrows your mane.”

Gold Watch sprayed, and Thunderlane’s mane regrew to its normal shape.  At least Thunderlane was pleased by it, he noted.

“You’re on the weather team, right?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yep.”

“Would you please send your boss to the police station after her shift is over?”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes, Rainbow Dash.  I want to have a conversation with her.”

“Um, okay,” he replied.

Twilight Sparkle turned to Gold Watch.  “Why?  What did Rainbow Dash do?”

“What you witnessed here is the result of a little prank by Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.  I’m certain of it,” he stated.

“With Poison Joke?  I wouldn’t have expected them to go near that plant again.”

“Why?  Have you encountered it before?” Gold Watch asked.

“Yes.  The six of us encountered it on a previous trip to the Everfree Forest.  It changed Rainbow Dash’s wings so that she couldn’t fly well, and it changed Pinkie Pie’s tongue so that she couldn’t talk.”

“How long did it take for the plant to affect you?”

“We all woke up affected by Poison Joke.  So I’d say at least twelve hours, but I can’t be more specific.  Sorry,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“So it was a bad experience for you?”

“In the end, no.  We all got to meet Zecora, and we learned a valuable lesson about friendship and accepting other ponies.  I’d say our relationship grew stronger as a result of the whole mess.”

Gold Watch just grumbled.

“What is it?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I think Pinkie Pie learned the same lesson.  And she wanted to share that lesson with everypony.”





Gold Watch busied himself with paperwork, recording all the details of the day’s incident.  The visitor he was expecting hadn’t yet shown up.  But, to be fair, he had forgotten to ask when her shift ended.

Thus, Gold Watch watched out the window every half hour.  And two minutes after 4:00, he spotted the distinctive rainbow contrail of the pegasus of interest.

Rainbow Dash strode into the police station with an air of false casualness.  “Hey, Chief,” she said.  “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I work here,” Gold Watch deadpanned.

“Oh, yeah, you do.  So, what’s up?  Got a problem with the weather schedule?”

“You know why you’re here,” Gold Watch said.  “So whose idea was the prank, yours or Pinkie Pie’s?”

“We work as a team.  It would be rude to claim credit,” she said.  “If we did a prank, I mean.  Which we totally didn’t,” she quickly added.

“Relax, Rainbow Dash.  You’re not going to be arrested for anything.  I brought you here to talk to you, which I’m going to do regardless of whether or not you admit to your role in the prank.

“Don’t do it again.  Even if I accept that your heart was in the right place, you wasted my time, the time of the hospital staff, and the time of everypony who ate those Poison Joke cupcakes.  I’m sure you noticed you were short-staffed on the weather team today?”

“Yeah, but it’s just a snowstorm.  Nothing I couldn’t handle by myself,” Rainbow Dash said, strutting as she floated in the air.

“I also want to make it clear that the only reason I’m not arresting you and Pinkie Pie is because the law doesn’t support it.  I will be talking to the mayor, so don’t expect to get away with this again.”

“Duly noted,” Rainbow Dash said.  “So, uh, hypothetically speaking, if there was a prank, what happened to you?”

“I didn’t eat the cupcakes.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash yelled.  “I told Pinkie Pie specifically to... uh, come visit me?  Yeah, come visit me after work.”

“You live in a cloud house, don’t you?”

“Doesn’t stop her,” Rainbow Dash replied.  “Besides, I thought you appreciated a good prank.”

“Why would you think that?” Gold Watch asked.

“You sure seemed okay when my friends dressed up as Mare-Do-Well.”

“Actually, I wasn’t okay with it.  I had a long conversation with Twilight Sparkle about it.”  He recounted the details of the conversation, and of the pranks gone bad he recalled from his days as a young officer.

“But nothing we did got as nasty as that!” Rainbow Dash protested.  “I mean, in the past.  Past pranks.”

Gold Watch facehoofed.  “I already told you, I’m not going to arrest you.  You can stop pretending.  All I’m asking is you to be more thoughtful.  Remember your foalhood lesson about the balance between harmony and discord?  Pranks can be fun, but always remember that the pony being pranked is the one who will decide just how much you’ve embraced discord.”

Rainbow Dash shuddered.  “Okay.  I can be thoughtful.  Thoughtful’s my middle name.  Rainbow Thoughtful Dash.”

“Maybe I’ll ask the mayor to pull your records, and see if that’s your real middle name.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Rainbow Dash said.

“You’re a good pony, Rainbow Dash, and I can’t thank you enough for saving Equestria.  Now, keep being the best pony you can be,” Gold Watch said.

“I will,” she replied.  “So, uh, can I go?”

“You’re free to leave.”

“Great!  Bye!”  And in an instant, Rainbow Dash flew out of the police station.





Gold Watch decided to do one last, unofficial patrol as he headed home.  Despite the falling snow, ponies were out, enjoying the day.  All around town, he saw happy ponies, including several of the couples he saw at the hospital.  They gave him cheery smiles and thanked him for his help.

Despite what happened to them, the couples were happy.  He was loath to admit that Pinkie Pie’s plan might have worked.

But Gold Watch didn’t need a prank to feel closer to his special somepony.  He returned home, stamping his hooves on the mat to shake the snow out of his fetlocks.  He was greeted by the warmth of a roaring fire and the smell of dinner cooking and coffee brewing.  And, after a twelve second delay, a kiss and embrace from his very own special somepony.

“Happy day after Hearts and Hooves Day, Green Tea,” Gold Watch said.

“You can hold my heart in your hooves any day of the year, dear,” Green Tea replied.

> Chapter 15: Wedding Bell Blues
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 15: Wedding Bell Blues





Gold Watch trotted into Green Tea’s shop, right on schedule.  The 11:00 patrol brought him to her shop at 11:08.  But over the past months, he hadn’t been leaving on schedule.  He left when he wanted to, and he was less and less inclined to leave.

“Things going all right, ma’am?” Gold Watch said.

Green Tea scoffed.  No matter how many times she told him to can the official policepony routine around her, he always greeted her that way while he was working.  “Oh, just come over here,” she replied.

He headed to the counter, and she pulled him in for a kiss.  At least he never objected to that.  They parted after a moment, and she fussed with his collar, straightening it.

“I can dress myself, Green Tea,” Gold Watch said.

“I just want my handsome stallion to look his best.”  She poured coffee into one of the small cups on her counter.

Gold Watch took the cup in his aura and sipped the coffee.  It was the favorite moment of his patrol, just sipping coffee and talking.  Green Tea took the time to enjoy whatever tea she had prepared, and they would talk, for as long as they could.

The bell on the door chimed.  Some days, they didn’t get much time together, as Green Tea still had a shop to run.  And this looked like one of those days.

The customer was a familiar one.  “Good morning, Twilight Sparkle,” Gold Watch said.

“Oh, good morning to you, Gold Watch,” she replied.  “I’d say ‘Funny meeting you here,’ but I really shouldn’t be surprised, now should I?”

“And what would you like today, dear?” Green Tea asked.

“I need some more orange pekoe and chamomile tea, and another bag of coffee,” Twilight Sparkle said.  “Surprise me.”

“Coming right up,” Green Tea replied.

“How are you enjoying the coffee?” Gold Watch asked.

“I still haven’t tried all of Green Tea’s blends,” she replied.  “I probably don’t drink as much as you; I mostly drink it while working late at night.”

“Are you busy right now?”

“Oh, yes!  I’m working on improved plans for Winter Wrap-Up,” she said.  “I think, with enough planning and a little preparatory work, we can wrap up winter by nightfall.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Green Tea said.

“Oh, and speaking of preparatory work, would you be interested in volunteering?  We could use some ponies to help set up the ropes in the Whitetail Wood, so we can wake the hibernating animals quickly during Winter Wrap-Up,” Twilight Sparkle said.

Green Tea smiled.  “That sounds wonderful.”

“I’ll be happy to join you,” Gold Watch added.





The day before Winter Wrap-Up, Gold Watch and Green Tea stood at the edge of the Whitetail Wood, huddled together.  Their warm scarves and saddles kept away the cold, but they preferred staying warm together.  They were part of a group of a dozen volunteers, and for now, they were waiting, while Twilight Sparkle conversed with a blue pegasus stallion.  Finally, they nodded.

Twilight Sparkle rejoined the crowd.  “Good morning, everypony, and thank you for volunteering to help make this year’s Winter Wrap-Up the smoothest in memory.  Your goal here is to set up a system where the animals hibernating in this part of the forest can be roused quickly, thus sparing ponies for other tasks later in the day.”  She motioned to the stallion.  “This is T-Square, who designed the plans.  He will be leading this team, while I coordinate with the other teams of volunteers.”

The ponies stomped their hooves in applause, which embarrassed the young stallion.  “Uh, hi, and thanks.  I’m T-Square.  I moved here from Canterlot last fall, and so this is my first Winter Wrap-Up.  I was surprised to learn how the town wraps up winter, but when Twilight Sparkle talked to me, I was happy to lend my engineering training to this project.

“So, um, the plan is to wake up the animals with bells, and to do that as fast as possible.  So we’re going to set up ropes, and string up bells on the ropes, and then ring them all at the same time.  Well, that’s the plan for Winter Wrap-Up tomorrow.  Today, we’re just preparing for that.”

He reached into his saddlebags, pulling out two boxes.  He opened one, revealing that it contained metal loops attached to screws.  “So we’re going to be screwing these loops into the trees.  Put them in at elbow level, so that the bells will be close to the ground.”  From the other side of his saddlebags, he pulled out rolled-up blue papers.  “Can anypony read blueprints?”

The crowd was silent.

“Right.  I’ll supervise, then.  After the loops are in, we’ll paint arrows on the tree bark with the blackberry juice,” T-Square continued, pointing to the closed box.  “That will tell the ponies tomorrow how to set up the rope.  They’ll set it up, ring the bells, and then move on to the next area.  And that’s just about it.  Any questions?”

The ponies muttered no, and looked ready to proceed.

“Okay, let’s split up the juice and loops, and get going!”

“Seems like a good plan,” Gold Watch said to Green Tea.

“I never thought of using blackberry juice like that.  It would be less permanent than paint,” she said.

“Never seemed to work that way when I ate them.”

“Berries stained your coat too?”

“Something fierce,” Gold Watch said.  He ran a hoof through his mane.  “Maybe some blueberries could restore my mane to its old color.”

Green Tea nuzzled Gold Watch.  “I like your mane.  It’s distinguished.”

“Yeah, that’s a nice way of saying gray,” Gold Watch grumbled.

They approached the first group of trees, T-Square indicating where the loops were to go on each.  “Why don’t you handle the painting?” Gold Watch suggested.  They way it looked, screwing in the loop by mouth would mean laying in the snow, and that didn’t look pleasant.

“Okay,” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch found the work surprising tiring.  The loops didn’t weigh much, but the force needed to screw them into the tree while still maintaining a precise hold on them taxed his magic.  With the large group of volunteers, the work took only an hour.  But still, he was glad he wouldn’t be using his horn tomorrow.

He looked at Green Tea, who was humming happily.  “You, uh, got some on you,” Gold Watch said, pointing to one of many spatters from the purplish black juice.

“Oh, I knew that would happen,” Green Tea said.  “But a nice, hot bath sounds good to me.”





The next day, Gold Watch and Green Tea rose early.  They sensed the excitement in the town, and felt the song in their heart.  It was Winter Wrap-Up.

By dawn, the entire town was gathered by Town Hall, where Mayor Mare stood on the stage with Twilight Sparkle.  The young unicorn was dressed in her all teams vest, and carried a rather large number of scrolls on her back.

“Thank you, everypony, for coming to Winter Wrap-Up,” Mayor Mare said.  “I’d like to thank all of you who have volunteered over the past few days for the preparatory work.  With this work, and Twilight Sparkle’s revised plans, we intend to wrap up winter in a shorter time than any year in the last twenty years!”

After the applause died down, Twilight Sparkle spoke.  “As the mayor said, I have completely reorganized Winter Wrap-Up this year, applying lessons learned from last year.  We’re doing more of what worked last year, and nothing of what didn’t work.  Each of the team leads has been briefed on plans, but I want to talk about our overall strategy.

“We will be working in a spiral pattern, with multiple teams spreading out from town center.  We will be doing as many tasks simultaneously as possible.  For example, the weather team will clear the sky at the same time as the plant team plows the snow.

“The animal team will focus on waking the hibernating animals first.  We’ve created a system to handle that quicker.  Afterward, please help with nest construction, plowing, and planting.

“For the pegasi on the animal team bringing back the migratory birds, you have each been paired with a buddy.  You’ll cover a larger area, but working together.  That way, nopony will go to the wrong place.

“Remember that this year, Ponyville is scheduled to provide the water for Cloudsdale’s weather operation.  The weather team will be clearing the ice from the reservoir first, and the plant team will be dumping more of the snow into the reservoir.  Each of the team leads has been apprised of the plan.

“With all of these changes, and with everypony lending a hoof, we expect to be celebrating by sundown.  And for the pegasi tasked with bringing the birds back from the furthest locales, don’t worry; Pinkie Pie has promised to keep the party going until everypony makes it home.  Now, let’s wrap up winter!”

Thunderous applause answered Twilight Sparkle’s speech.  Everypony was thrilled with the idea of wrapping up winter in less than twenty-four hours, and that joy came out as they broke into song.

The lingering harmony of the song lifted the spirits of Gold Watch and Green Tea as they worked together, side by side.  They started by clearing the snow by the Whitetail Wood.  It afforded Gold Watch the chance to see the effectiveness of Twilight Sparkle’s planning.  The animal team quickly rigged the system of ropes and bells, woke a large number of animals, and then went to the next area.  Their work went off without a hitch.

When they took their carts to the reservoir, they found earth ponies with plows waiting for them.  They attached their carts to the plows and transported the snow the rest of the way, doing double duty in clearing the ground and hauling the snow.  Meanwhile, empty carts were waiting for them.

“I’m impressed.  That’s got to be tiring work,” Gold Watch said.

“Oh, if I were younger, I’d show those ponies a thing or two,” Green Tea said.

Five more cycles of snow clearing followed, with each trip back showing more and more of Ponyville cleaned up.  They joined a number of ponies for a quick lunch, and then returned to the cleared fields, planting grasses and flowers.

By late afternoon, the majority of work was done.  The common areas were free of snow, with seeds planted, and the skies were clear.  Everypony pitched in to finish the remaining tasks, and as Celestia lowered the sun, all of Ponyville smiled upon a town cleared of winter.

“I pronounce winter officially wrapped up!” Mayor Mare announced.

“Happy first spring together,” Green Tea said to Gold Watch.





The next day, Gold Watch went in for his periodic meeting with the mayor.  He frowned as he saw a construction pony making yet another patch to the ceiling.

“Looks like the warmer weather hasn’t been kind to Town Hall,” Gold Watch commented.

“I know,” Mayor Mare said with a sigh.  “The good news is we might have funding for repairs!  Applejack came in, and said she’d donate any prize money she won in her next rodeo to fix Town Hall.”

“That’s quite generous,” Gold Watch said.  “But I thought that was Rarity?”

“I know what you mean, but Applejack’s family goes back to the founding of Ponyville.  I’m not surprised she would help our town.”

“I think that’s a spirit worth celebrating.”

“That’s it!” Mayor Mare exclaimed.  “We could host a rally, and send off Applejack with the support of the entire town!”

“An excellent idea,” Gold Watch said.  “Now, let’s get to business.  First of all, July 1st.”

“What happens then?”

“The end of Silver Shield’s commission.  He hasn’t officially decided, but my gut tells me he will accept my offer, and become Ponyville’s first police officer.”

“But you’re the town’s first police officer.”

“Ma’am, I’m retired.  Or, at least I’m trying to be retired.  Ponyville hasn’t made it easy for me.”

“Or me,” Mayor Mare added.

“Other than that, there’s nothing much going on.  No crimes to report, and nothing unusual from the Everfree Forest.  No nasty pranks, thankfully.”

“Your proposed change to the law will be on the agenda at the next town meeting,” Mayor Mare said.  “It’s not an emergency, so I won’t be using my emergency powers.  Sorry.”

“I know that it’s not an emergency.  I just want something on the books to discourage certain ponies.”

“It would make my life easier, too.”





“Going to the sendoff?” Colgate asked Sharp Eye.

“Might as well.  My appointment this morning rescheduled until later today,” he replied.

“So did mine.  I’m sure they want to cheer on Applejack.”

“I didn’t need to go.  I don’t know her well.  Other than the whole defeating Nightmare Moon thing.”

“To be honest, I don’t know Applejack well either.  We trot in different circles.  But she loves Ponyville, which makes it easy for Ponyville to love her.”

The two doctors locked their offices, and trotted to Town Hall.  They paused once the building came into view.

“What happened?” Colgate said.

“I have no idea,” Sharp Eye said.

Town Hall’s roof was visibly damaged.  One of its support pillars had fallen away, and the wooden porch surrounding the building had two large holes in it.  But the crowd’s focus was on the stage in front of Town Hall, where Mayor Mare and the guest of honor were waiting.

Colgate waved to her friends in the crowd.  Seeing Golden Harvest, she approached her.  “I didn’t think anything could take you away from the fields,” Colgate commented.

“Actually, I’m going to the rodeo, too,” she replied.  “But just to help with the setup and tear-down.  Earn a few more bits, you know?  My carrots are all planted, and this will give Golden Grain as much time as he wants to tend to his wheat.  Besides, I want to encourage Applejack to focus on the rodeo.  It means less competition in the marketplace,” she added with a smile.

The crowd started cheering and stomping their hooves.  “Applejack! Applejack! Applejack! Applejack!”

“Everypony, can I get your attention?  Attention please!” Mayor Mare shouted over the crowd.  The crowd finally quieted.  “Yes, we are all here to send Applejack to compete in this year’s Equestria Rodeo competition in Canterlot.  And I want to thank Applejack in advance for generously offering up her prize money to fix town hall.”

“Speech! Speech!” Pinkie Pie called from the crowd.

“Oh, shucks. I’m not much for speeches,” Applejack said.  “Buuut!  This here is the nicest send off anypony could ask for.  Y’all have been cheering me on in every rodeo since I was a little little pony.  So it seems only fittin’ to use my winnings to fix up town hall.  I promise to make Ponyville proud.”

At the other end of the crowd, Gold Watch looked at Town Hall and shook his head.  “I hope she wins every competition,” he muttered.





On his next visit to the mayor’s office, Gold Watch was surprised to meet Mayor Mare heading out the door.  “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Sorry, Chief.  But I’ve got a train to meet.  Let’s walk and talk.”

Again, there was little to report, so Gold Watch and Mayor Mare mostly made small talk as they trotted to the train station.  Mostly, they talked about Gold Watch’s wedding, which was less than two weeks away.

“Thank you for the invitation,” Mayor Mare said.

“We only sent out a small number of invitations, but as we’ve been telling everypony, they’re welcome to come to the park and share in our joyous day.  The reception is what we want to remain intimate.”

“No Pinkie Pie party for you?”

“Green Tea and I agreed that we wanted something a little more... quiet,” Gold Watch said.

“I think that suits you,” Mayor Mare said.

At the train station, Gold Watch spotted several familiar faces.  At one end of the platform, Golden Harvest was talking with a unicorn stallion.  The main crowd, however, surrounded Applejack.  Her friends and family had gathered to see her off, and Mayor Mare joined them.

“That’s very kind of the mayor,” Gold Watch said to himself.  It was a sentiment that lasted until Mayor Mare opened her mouth.

“And bring back all that money!” she singsonged.

Gold Watch facehoofed.

Once the ponies boarded the train, and the crowd dispersed, Gold Watch caught up to the mayor.  “Was that really necessary?” he asked.

Mayor Mare sighed.  “Gold Watch, we are past the point where plaster and tarps can save Town Hall.  We really, really need the money.”





Colgate mentally reviewed her day’s activities as she prepped her office for her first patient.  She needed to get her dress altered at Rarity’s boutique, pick up her gift from Time Turner’s shop, get some fresh flowers from the marketplace, and she wanted an evening free just to spend with Sharp Eye.  But her third patient of the day was what occupied her mind.

Cleaning the teeth of her first two patients went without incident.  She collected the payment from the second of her patients, Lemon Hearts, at 10:52 AM, and escorted her out the door, with a card showing her next appointment, one minute later.  That left Colgate staring at the door for seven more minutes.

The door to her office opened at precisely 11:00.  Colgate turned to her patient and put on a smile.  “Hi, Dad,” she said.

“Let’s get this over with,” he said.

Colgate sighed.  She loved her father, but he always hated trips to the doctor, the dentist, even the barber.  And now, there was only one dentist in town.  Without a word, he sat in the dentist’s chair.

Colgate trotted out of the office to get her hygienist, Snow Glimmer.  “The patient is ready,” she said.  “Please forgive him for any brusqueness,” she added quietly.

Snow Glimmer’s cleaning gave Colgate a twenty minute reprieve.  And one look on her face when she was done told Colgate all she needed to know.  “Sorry,” she whispered.

She trotted back into the office.  “Let’s take a look at your teeth,” she said.

“I know how to brush my teeth and floss,” Gold Watch said.

“I know you do, Dad, but it’s still important to visit the dentist, to clean your teeth thoroughly and deal with tartar buildup.  Open up.”  She took her tools in her aura, using the scraper to dislodge any remaining tartar.

Colgate stepped back and fired her horn, scanning her father’s teeth and looking for any hidden cavities or problems with the roots.  “Your teeth are good.  But I still recommend seeing the dentist every six months, not every two years.”

“It’s just a waste of time,” he said.

“It’s like one of your patrols, Dad.  You’re not necessarily going to find a crime, but it’s essential to preventing crime.”

Gold Watch huffed.

“I need you to come back to my office, either this afternoon, or tomorrow.  I ordered a tooth whitening potion for you.”

“Don’t need it,” Gold Watch stated.

“Dad, you’re getting married this Saturday.  Don’t you want to look your best for Green Tea?”

“Green Tea loves me, yellow teeth and all,” he replied.

“Dad!  Please!  All I’m asking of you is two minutes to use the potion, and then an hour without eating.  I’ll even deliver the potion to your house, if that’s what it takes.”  Colgate sat next to her father and crossed her forelegs over her chest.

“Fine.  If you bring it to my house,” Gold Watch said.

“Good.”  She sighed.  “This would have been a lot easier if the mail wasn’t late today.”

Gold Watch nodded, recalling that the mail hadn’t arrived at the police station either.  He then remembered seeing it delivered late yesterday by the postmaster.  “The mailmare must be on vacation,” he said.

“Guess I have to blame her for making this difficult,” Colgate said.  “She’s a nice mare, but then every three months, she messes something up.”

Gold Watch sat up, bolt upright.  “Is that your special talent talking?” he asked.

“I... I’m not sure,” Colgate replied.

“Think about it.  What events happened every three months?”

“Well, there’s her recent damage to town hall.  I don’t recall anything happening around Hearth’s Warming, but then again, everypony was in Canterlot.  And I don’t know what happened when Discord appeared.  But I was recalling some time before that.  Going the wrong direction during Winter Wrap-Up, the incident with the snowstorm, that dropped delivery, destroying the first batch of ribbons for the Summer Sun Celebration, going the wrong direction again during Winter Wrap-Up, the mess when she crashed into Rainbow Dash’s fountain, the accidental windstorm when trying to clean up the leaves....”  She scratched her muzzle with a hoof as she thought.  “Yes, pretty much one mistake every season.  Why do you ask?”

“It’s my gut talking.  For a mare known to be klutzy, that’s a surprisingly regular pattern.”

“It’s probably nothing.”

“Yes.  Probably.”  But something was telling Gold Watch to look into it.





Gold Watch stepped through the door of the local office of Fetlock Express.  The stallion behind the counter perked up.  “Can I help you, sir?” he said.

Gold Watch tapped his badge with a forehoof.  “Gold Watch, Ponyville P.D.  I’d like to ask you some questions about that order that was dropped from the sky around eighteen months ago.”

“Of course.”

“What was damaged?”  Other than coffee, Gold Watch thought to himself.

The stallion scratched his head.  “I remember the incident, but couldn’t tell you what was damaged off the top of my head.  I’ll check the files, but since it’s been over a year, the details are probably in the archives in Canterlot.”

The stallion went to a cabinet in the back of the office and searched through files.  He shook his head, and returned with a thin folder.  “I was right.  I can contact Canterlot and get them to ship the file to us.”

“I was a police officer in Canterlot before moving here.  It would be quicker for me to send your paperwork to Canterlot via dragonfire font,” Gold Watch said.

“I can do that,” the stallion said.

Gold Watch soon had in his hooves a letter authorizing the release of the files concerning Incident Number 41081 to the police.  He took the letter to the police station, and added a letter of his own.




Dawn Runner,

My gut tells me there’s more to this incident than a simple accident.  Please retrieve the file from the Fet Ex office and send it to me via dragonfire font.

Gold Watch




Although Gold Watch was eager to learn what was in the file, he knew it would take some time for the Canterlot P.D. to work.  Besides, there was an investigation to conduct.





Gold Watch’s first stop was the post office.  The postmaster, Express Mail, was behind the counter.  Gold Watch stepped up and greeted the stallion.  “Could we speak in your office?” he said quietly.

Express Mail nodded.  He poked his head in back.  “Form, take the counter,” he ordered.

The postmaster’s office was small, with a desk, three chairs, and stacks of paperwork.  “You use my personal filing system,” Gold Watch told him.

“It works,” he replied.  “So, what’s the matter?”

“It’s just the two of you this week, right?  Ditzy Doo is on vacation?”

“Yeah.  She said she wanted to get out of town after she made a mess of Town Hall.  Said she’d spend a few days in Baltimare.”

“She’s done that a lot, right?”

“A few times.  Mostly, it’s the result of accidents when she flies.  We’ve all told her that we understand that accidents happen, but she wants to run away anyway,” Express Mail said.  “Why, is something wrong?”

“Right now, I’m just looking into that dropped Fet Ex delivery from a year and a half ago.  I’d like to ask a few more questions about Miss Ditzy Doo,” Gold Watch replied.

“Go ahead.”

“When did she start working for you?”

“Around eight years ago.  She had just moved here, and mentioned she was looking for work.  Well, at the time, the post office was really stretched to handle the needs of the growing town, and we really needed a pegasus so that we could deliver to the cloud homes and so we could stop paying Cloudsdale for the pickup of their mail.  She was young, and didn’t have any experience, but I felt sorry for her.  Good thing I hired her, though.  She really picked up on the work quickly.”

“Why did you feel sorry for her?”

“She was a single mother.  And, you know.”  He motioned to his eye.

Gold Watch nodded.  “What do you think of her, as a pony?”

“She’s always upbeat.  She smiles, even when somepony mentions her eyes.  She loves her daughter, and she loves baking muffins.”

“Do you remember where she moved from?”  Though his heart was racing, he kept a neutral expression on his face.

“Can’t rightly recall, but I can probably find her change of address form in the files.”

“Please do.”

Gold Watch waited patiently for four minutes and eleven seconds, at which point Express Mail returned.  “Ah, now I remember!” he said.  “She’s originally from Cloudsdale, but before moving here, Ditzy Doo lived in San Caballo.”

Gold Watch gulped.  “Thank you for your help, Postmaster,” he said.  He rose as calmly as he could.





Gold Watch drummed his hooves on his desk, all the while stealing glances at the dragonfire font.  He was waiting for the next pony he wanted to interview.  Being unable to travel to Cloudsdale himself, he had requested to meet somepony who was from the pegasus city.

The door slammed open, and Rainbow Dash flew into the police station.  “Look, I don’t know how those clouds got overcharged with static electricity,” she said defensively.

Gold Watch raised an eyebrow.  “I hadn’t heard anything about that.  Are you telling me I should ask the mayor to inspect the clouds?”

“What?  No!  I mean, forget I said anything.”

“Miss Rainbow Dash, I don’t want to investigate the harmful results of any prank.  And hopefully, I won’t have to.  Now, I called you here to ask about one of the ponies in town.  Am I correct that you hail from Cloudsdale?”

“Yep, born and raised, until I became too awesome for the city to contain.”

“Did you know Miss Ditzy Doo while you were living there?”

“A little.  Not very well, since she was older than me, but we were in some flight classes together.”

“How did that work?”

“They’re organized by ability.  I was an advanced flier, and she, well, wasn’t.”

“How much older was she?” Gold Watch asked.

“Four years?  Probably.  I’m not sure.  I was eight, and she was twelve, I think.”

“And your age now?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Do you know anything about where she lived between Cloudsdale and Ponyville?”

“She did?  To be honest, I don’t remember hearing anything about her until the time I moved to Ponyville.  I remember her giving me the cold shoulder when I first saw her.”

“Why is that?”

“I wasn’t the nicest pony when I was a filly.  I made fun of her eyes and her flying.  It wasn’t until later that I learned about loyalty, when I saw ponies acting the same way I did, but to somepony who was my friend.”  Rainbow Dash shuffled her hooves.  “But we’re okay now.”

“Even after the incident in town hall?”

“Don’t remind me.  She just wanted to help, but everything she touched went kaboom!”

“My daughter mentioned that you had another run-in with her clumsiness in the past,” Gold Watch said.  “Something about your rainbow fountain?”

“That one was my fault.  I should have stored the rainbow before the first snow, but I got lazy.”

“What exactly happened?” Gold Watch asked.

“She crashed into the base of the fountain, kicking a hole in the cloud, and letting the rainbow fall to the ground.  At the end of the day, all that happened was some foals got to play in rainbow-colored snow.  Oh, and I had to save up for some fresh rainbow in the spring.”  She laughed.  “Don’t envy those parents trying to clean up their foals that night.  Rainbow is really hard to get out of your coat!”

“Was there any conflict between the two of you after the incident?”

“What?  No, of course not!  But I did tell Ditzy Doo that if the weather’s bad, she can wait to deliver my mail.  Unless there’s a letter from the Wonderbolts.  Then she should drop everything and deliver it first.”

“Nice to see you have your priorities straight, Miss Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash did her little aerial strut.  “Darn straight I do.”

“That’s all the questions I have for you.  Now, I won’t expect to see you again, as long as nopony gets hurt by errant thunderclouds.  Understand?”

“Gotcha.”  Rainbow Dash saluted him.  “Well, I’ve got tons of weather work to do.  Busy, busy, busy.”

“Yes, you’re free to go,” Gold Watch said.  And less than a second later, Rainbow Dash was out the door.

He was thinking about what to do if Rainbow Dash overdid it with her latest prank when he heard the distinctive whooshing sound of the dragonfire font.  He grabbed the package with his telekinesis and searched it.

There was a sheet of paper, with a note from Dawn Runner.  “Here’s the file, without comment.  I have no idea what you’re looking for,” he wrote.

Gold Watch wasn’t sure either, but he expected something to stick out, something different or out of place.  It was dry reading, copies of order forms, correspondence with the affected customers, and receipts for the reimbursements.  And after several similar looking batches of paperwork, he found one that was different.

There was no reimbursement here.  There were three attempts to contact the affected customer, and after 90 days, the file was closed.  He looked at the item that was destroyed in the accident, and his jaw dropped.

He quickly penned a note and sent it to the Canterlot police department via the dragonfire font.





Chief:

Please send Silver Flame and a force of officers to Ponyville on the first available train.  Officially, you’re coming for my wedding.  But I fear I have uncovered a lead into an unsolved crime, and if I have, I need backup.

Gold Watch




And as soon as the note disappeared, Gold Watch galloped out the door.





Gold Watch was breathing hard as he knocked on the door of a small house.  His body told him to forget about galloping all the way here, but even the brisk trot he maintained tired him out.  And it may have been all for nothing.  It was still late afternoon, so it was possible nopony was home.  The street was quiet and tree-lined, affording a good deal of privacy to the homeowners.

The door opened, revealing a young earth pony mare, pink with a two-tone red mane.  A pegasus colt of perhaps two years was crawling nearby.  “Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Blueprint,” Gold Watch replied.  “Does he live here?”

The mare turned and called into the house.  “Honey, there’s somepony here to see you.”

A blue pegasus stallion with a mane of darker blue entered the hall.  “Who is it?” he asked, before seeing Gold Watch.  “Ah, I remember.  The guard station redesign!  How is the police station treating you?”

“Just fine,” Gold Watch replied.  “But I’m here to ask you questions about an investigation.  May I come in?”

“Sure,” he replied.  “Cherry Sweet, can you make some coffee?”

The mare nodded and headed into the kitchen.

The two stallions sat down in the living room.  “I’m afraid I’m at a loss.  I’m not aware of any crimes being investigated,” Blueprint said.

“This is actually an old incident.  According to Fet Ex, you had a package destroyed during an incident with one of their deliveries.  But you never were reimbursed.”

“Oh, that?  It was a screw-up on their part.”

“What?”

“Yeah.  They were trying to give me money for something I didn’t order.  It wouldn’t have been right to take their bits.”

“Are you sure?  The order was placed on the 12th of September.  The incident occurred on the 18th.  Then the first letter was sent on the 24th.”

Cherry Sweet entered the room, a tray holding the coffee service on her back.  “Of course we didn’t place that order, Chief,” she said, placing the tray on the coffee table.  “If we had, we would have sent it to Fillydelphia.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was not long after little Tinker was born,” Blueprint said.  “Business was slow here in Ponyville, so I was looking for a project where I could apply my special talent and earn a few bits.  Then I heard about this project in Fillydelphia.  A tall skyscraper, with all the bells and whistles, something that would be better than any building in Manehattan, or at least that’s what the locals were saying.  But after a week, there was some kind of fight between the mayor and the builders.  Not sure what it was, but we stopped work for a week, and then we all got told to go home.  And so what I thought was a six month minimum commitment was over within two weeks.”

“Do you remember the specific dates?” Gold Watch asked.

“I remember the contract started September 1st.  Well, work started the next day since the 1st was a Sunday.  We moved up on Saturday, the 31st, and then there was a week of work, a week of waiting, and then that next Monday, we were told to go home.”

“Did you return to Ponyville that day?”

He nodded.  “We got the news in the morning, so yeah.  We still had this house, and everything was still packed, so we just went home.”

“We weren’t sure what we were going to do,” Cherry Sweet said.

“But then there were the parasprites, and the Ursa, and, well....   Let’s just say I’ve had no shortage of work over the last year and a half.”

“All right.  To confirm, you don’t know how this order was placed under your name?”

“Not at all,” Blueprint said.

“Besides, what would we need with silver dye?” Cherry Sweet said.

And looking at the color of their coats and manes, Gold Watch had to agree.





Gold Watch checked the marketplace, but as he expected, few ponies were selling anything.  His next interviewee was probably working on her farm.  And sure enough, once he walked there, he spotted Golden Harvest in the fields.

“Golden Harvest!” he called.

The mare rose, wiping her forehead with a muddy fetlock.  “Well, hello, Gold Watch!  What brings you to the farm?”

“How was Canterlot?  Are you done with your work there?”

“I ended up just doing the setup, since I volunteered to watch Dinky.  It was fine.  A lot of work, but when you follow the song in your heart, it goes smoothly.”

Gold Watch nodded.

“Now, what’s the real reason you’re here?” Golden Harvest asked.  “You don’t strike me as a stallion who would come out here just to make some small talk.”  She nudged his withers.  “Got some wedding jitters?”

“What?  No.  Just investigating some possible wrongdoing associated with that Fet Ex delivery that fell from the sky a year and a half ago.  I want to talk to Miss Ditzy Doo, and I thought you might know when she’s getting back to town.

“She told me that she was coming back on Saturday morning.  But I told her I’d watch Dinky until Sunday if she wanted to stay.”

Gold Watch nodded.  “And do you know where she went?”

“She told Dinky she was making an important delivery to Baltimare.  She’s normally honest about her destination, even if all she’s doing is running from her problems.”

“So she does this a lot?”

“Maybe twice a year.  I don’t know why she’s afraid when she messes up.  We’re not going to run her out of town.  Maybe there’s something in her past, but if there is, she’s never opened up to me.”

“Sounds like an issue for a psychologist, not a carrot farmer,” Gold Watch said.

Golden Harvest laughed.  “True!  So, do you want me to tell Ditzy Doo that you’re looking for her?”

“No need, ma’am.  My questions can wait.  And thank you for your time, Golden Harvest.”

With a polite nod, Gold Watch turned and calmly walked away, a calm that was only possible due to a lifetime of practice.





Returning to the police station, he found it far more crowded than normal.  His fellow police officers from Canterlot filled his little police department.  On the other side of the building, Red Sky smiled and winked at him.  “I know a bachelor party when I see one,” he said quietly.  He then spoke loud enough for everypony to hear.  “Gold Watch, I’m going on patrol.  I’m sure I can trust you with Canterlot’s finest.  I’m positive they would never foalnap you and drag you on a night of endless debauchery.”

“Thank you, Red Sky.  You’re a shining example of a guardspony,” Gold Watch replied.

Red sky donned his helmet and departed.  Once he was gone, one of the police officers spoke.  “I hope this isn’t just the setup for a bachelor party.”

“Do I look like somepony who needs a bachelor party?” Gold Watch said.  “No, I called you here because I have a suspect for the Las Pegasus murder and foalnapping.”

The officers gasped.  “Are you sure?” Dawn Runner asked.

“All the evidence is circumstantial.  But we can test the filly I suspect was foalnapped.  Silver Flame?”

“The standard heritage spell will identify the foal’s mother.  If it reveals Morning Sun’s cutie mark, then we’ll know the filly is Morning Glory,” Silver Flame explained.

“Is the foal in danger now?” another officer asked.

“No.  We’re in a unique situation here, as the suspect is out of town, but the filly is staying with a friend of the suspect.”  Gold Watch posted a map of Ponyville to the corkboard.  “The suspect goes by Ditzy Doo, known by the nickname Derpy.  Pegasus mare, late twenties, silver-gray coat and blond mane, gold eyes, cutie mark of seven bubbles.  She is immediately identifiable by being cross-eyed, and she is known for being a clumsy flier.  She works as a mailmare, at the post office here, and lives here.”  Gold Watch pressed two pushpins into the map.

“The filly now goes by Dinky Doo.  You know her description.  But while her mane color and eye color are what you expect, her coat is dyed with a silver dye, making it a grayish purple instead of the vibrant purple we’ve been looking for.  While her assumed mother is out of town, she is staying with Golden Harvest and Golden Grain, who live in a farm on the outskirts of town.  She goes to school at Ponyville Elementary.”  He added two more pushpins to the map.

“I have confirmation from two ponies that the suspect went to Baltimare.  Investigation revealed that she leaves town under similar circumstances every three months.  I suspect her goal in each of these trips is to pick up more of this silver dye, in such a way that she wouldn’t form a pattern.  One time she didn’t do this was approximately 18 months ago, when I suspect she ordered the dye under somepony else’s name and had it shipped to a vacant house.  However, these ponies surprisingly moved back before the delivery happened.  She volunteered to work with Fetlock Express on the delivery, and messed it up, with several packages destroyed.  I suspect she used this as cover to steal the dye she ordered, which was reported destroyed.

“And judging by the amount of dye from this order, our suspect is likely dying herself, suggesting that she has assumed the identity of Ditzy Doo.  She should be treated as extremely dangerous, and a flight risk.

“Have you contacted the Baltimare P.D.?” one of the officers asked.

“No, and I don’t think we should.  If my suspicions are correct, she’s shown an ability to change her identity.  She could get lost in Baltimare, but there’s nowhere to run in a small town like Ponyville.”

“Except the Everfree Forest,” one officer noted.

“Right.  We’ll need to prevent that.  I want this murderer brought to justice!”

“Does she suspect anything?”

“She shouldn’t.  This has literally been one day of investigation.”

“Chief, you’re in charge of this investigation.  What are your orders?” Dawn Runner said.

“Our first priority is the safety of the filly.  I want surveillance on the Goldens’ farm 24 hours a day, and somepony to keep an eye on the school.  The suspect is expected to return on Saturday, but before that, I want somepony watching the train station for every train arriving from Baltimare.  Silver Flame, you’re coming with me to the school first thing tomorrow.”

“I’ll contact Open Heart with Foal Protective Services,” one of the officers volunteered.  “She’ll make sure we have a court order for you two.”

“Yes, good.  I think that’s it.  Be alert, and stay safe.”

Gold Watch waited until the officers filed out, and then followed.  Waiting outside for him were two ponies.

“Dad,” Colgate said, wagging a potion vial in her aura.  “You’re not getting out of this.”

“What a wonderful surprise it was to see your daughter come and visit,” Green Tea said.  “And I agree with her.  I want my handsome stallion to have brilliant white teeth on our special day.”

“Fine,” Gold Watch grumbled.





Miss Honeydew had finally gotten her class settled down after the morning bell, when the principal opened the door.  “Dinky Doo?” he called.  “Come with me.”

Immediately, a chorus of ooohs filled the room.  The filly in question rose, looking embarrassed.

One alone in the halls, she spoke.  “Mr. Principal?  Am I in trouble?”

“No, not at all, Dinky Doo,” he replied.  “In fact, we’re not going to my office.”

The principal opened the door next to his office, revealing a cluttered room with mismatched furniture.  Part of the room was filled with boxes; Dinky Doo recognized the Hearth’s Warming decorations in one of them.  But she didn’t recognize the two police officers in the room.

The principal nodded solemnly and closed the door.

“Am I in trouble?” she asked again.

“No, not at all.  My name is Gold Watch.  I’m the police chief here in Ponyville.  This is Silver Flame, a friend of mine from the Canterlot police department.”  Gold Watch kneeled, bringing himself to Dinky Doo’s eye level.  “We’re here to make extra sure you’re safe.”

“Okay,” she replied hesitantly.

“Silver Flame is going to cast a spell, but all it needs is a hair from your mane,” he said.

“Will it hurt?”

“While we were talking, Silver Flame already cut a hair.  So I’d say no.”

“Okay!”

Gold Watch didn’t know the spell, but he knew it was a complicated one, with its result the display of the cutie mark of a pony’s natural mother.  He wanted to keep the filly’s attention on him, not on Silver Flame. “So, I heard you went with Golden Harvest to Canterlot for the rodeo.”

“Uh-huh!  It was lots of fun.  I helped set up all these games, and I got to play with the lambs!”

“That sounds like fun.  Is your mommy out of town?”

“Uh-huh!  She has an important delivery for Baltimare!  I miss her, but I like Aunt Goldie’s cooking, and I get to play with Noi, and when Mommy comes home, she always has a treat for me!”

Gold Watch heard a gasp from Silver Flame.  His heart sank.  But he focused on his task, looking Dinky Doo in the eye.  “Your mommy sounds like a very devoted mare.  Now, I think Officer Silver Flame is done.  And that means you need to go back to class.”

“Awww.”

Gold Watch escorted Dinky Doo back to her classroom, and then returned to Silver Flame.  The stallion looked pale.

“She’s Morning Glory, isn’t she?”

Silver Flame only nodded.

Gold Watch opened the door to the principal’s office.  “Principal Bell?  Please come with me.”

“What is it?” he asked.

Gold Watch slowly inhaled and exhaled.  “We’ll need to get Foal Protective Services involved.  For now, I and the police officers from Canterlot will be keeping Dinky Doo safe, but at a distance.  There will be an officer outside the school at all times.  After school, we will make sure she returns safely to the Goldens.  I understand she’s not expected in town today, but under no circumstances are you to let her mother take her.  If you see her, sound the fire alarm, and we’ll come.  Do you understand?”

The principal nodded.

“Stay strong, Principal Bell, and keep your students safe.”





Just as the weather schedule said, the morning of Gold Watch’s wedding was beautiful.  The sun was shining, the temperature was pleasant, and the sky was clear, with only a few clouds drifting above Ponyville.

The weather schedule actually called for clear skies.  He had told Rainbow Dash that if the weather team left a few clouds in the sky, he might look the other way for her next prank.  And right now, pegasus police officers were using these clouds to maintain surveillance on locations of interest in this investigation.

“Dad, you better not be thinking about your police work today,” Colgate said as she helped him with his tuxedo.

“Guilty as charged,” Gold Watch said, looking out the window of the living room.

“Dad!  It’s your wedding day!”

Green Tea entered the room.  Her wedding dress looked beautiful, even without the veil and train on.  “Colgate, dear, Gold Watch has told me about this investigation.”  She came over to Gold Watch and kissed him.  “I will always wait for you.  Ponies in need don’t have that luxury.  Always, always help them first.  And speaking of help, Colgate, could you help me with the train?”

“Yes, Green Tea.  But isn’t this bad luck?”

“Oh, I’ve never believed those superstitions,” Green Tea said.

“Neither do I,” Gold Watch said.  But he needed all the luck he could get today.





Rich Park was simply decorated.  The rose trellis was in full bloom, providing a natural centerpiece for the wedding.  White streamers were tied around the nearby trees.  The only furniture was a simple podium.  On Green Tea’s suggestion, they had asked Mr. Wattle, from the Yellow Daisy Social Club, to say the traditional invocation.

The wedding was scheduled for noon, and one member of the wedding party was absent.  Dawn Runner was Gold Watch’s best stallion, but when he learned about the crime, he insisted to be the one to watch the train station.  He only agreed to let somepony cover for him between 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM.

By this point, Gold Watch had the train schedule memorized.  Trains would arrive at 8:15 AM, 10:20 AM, 2:50 PM, and 5:30 PM.  Dawn Runner said it would take him seven minutes to run from the train station to the park.  The wild cards in the calculation were possible train delays, and the length of time it would take for the passengers to disembark.

So, when his mental clock hit 10:27 AM, Gold Watch focused.  He looked in the direction of the train station, and swiveled his ears to pick up any sounds.  One minute later, he heard thundering hoofsteps approach.  Dawn Runner broke into the park at full gallop.

“Everypony, move!” Gold Watch ordered his fellow officers.

Green Tea ran over to him.  “Come home safe,” she said.  She pulled him to her, and they kissed.  Fireworks exploded overhead.

“Nice touch,” Gold Watch called to Silver Flame.  The fireworks spell was there for their first kiss as husband and wife.  Today, they were also using it to alert the other officers.

They had agreed it was best to confront Ditzy Doo outside the Goldens’ farm, as there would be fewer bystanders at risk.  The pegasi were already in position, and the other officers would hide behind various buildings.

Gold Watch ran to his hiding spot, within a copse of trees in sight of the farmhouse.  And now came the hardest part.  Waiting.

For twenty-two minutes, Gold Watch waited.  He listened for the fireworks that would indicate a change in plans.  The suspect was being watched discreetly, in case she went anywhere suspicious.  But his gut told him she would make only one stop, at her own home, before heading to pick up her “daughter”.

Finally, Ditzy Doo appeared.  The mare was smiling as she flew to the Goldens’, flying erratically and low to the ground.  As she neared the door, Gold Watch stepped out, placing Ditzy Doo between him and the farmhouse.

He tapped the badge, now attached to his tuxedo.  “Ditzy Doo, you are under arrest for murder and foalnapping.  Surrender and come quietly.

The mare’s misaligned eyes opened wide, and she took off into the air.  Gold Watch fired the stunning spell he had charged, but she weaved unexpectedly, and his shot went wide.

Around him, police officers sprung into action.  In the sky, the pegasi executed a standard pattern to guard against flight, with a pair harrying the suspect while the remainder guarded against the suspect gaining altitude.  The unicorns waited for a clear shot with their stunning spells, while the earth ponies readied lassos.

For what felt like ages, but his internal clock told him was less than two minutes, Ditzy Doo dodged and weaved.  Gold Watch observed her flight.  It was as if years of pretending to be a clumsy flier left her quite capable of flying erratically while making progress.  And she was slowly making her way toward the Everfree Forest.

“Whatever you do, do not let her reach the forest!” Gold Watch shouted.

With the situation deteriorating, several of the earth pony officers readied javelins.  Still, they had as hard a time getting a clear shot on the suspect.  Then, one of the stun spells missed Ditzy Doo and hit one of the pegasus officers.  The officer tumbled to the ground, his wings reflexively opening to slow his descent.  Seeing an opening, Ditzy Doo pushed toward the Everfree Forest.

From the edge of the forest, a bola flew, scoring a direct hit.  The cords wrapped around her hind legs, and the heavy lead balls slowed her flight.  She struggled to gain altitude, the extra weight pulling her legs down and exposing her chest.

A pegasus royal guard flew up to her, and leveled his spear at her exposed chest.  “The stallion said surrender.  If you don’t, I will attack.”

She flapped her wings, only to feel the metal of the spear point pierce her hide.  She focused one eye on the guard.  She saw the look in his eyes, the muscles ready to thrust.  And she slowed her wings, letting herself fall to the ground.

Immediately, the officers grabbed her, attaching the wing binders and hoofcuffs.  “Take her away,” Gold Watch ordered.  “And thanks for the assist, Silver Shield.  How did you know?”

“You left plenty of clues on your map,” he replied.  “The school and the homes of two of my son’s friends?  That told me to change my normal patrol.  But, hey, the Royal Guard is always there to bail you cops out.”

“The best way to do that is to become a cop.  And right now, I have no doubt you’re right for the job.”  He shook hooves with Silver Shield, and the guardspony took off.

As he surveyed the scene, Gold Watch felt somepony staring at him.  Golden Harvest was watching him from the doorway.  Her forelegs encircled a crying Dinky Doo comfortingly, but her eyes were full of hatred.

Gold Watch looked to his officers.  “Dawn Runner, Mint Julep, come with me.”  They approached, slowly.

“Mrs. Golden Harvest.  I sincerely wish you didn’t have to see that.  But as you have seen, Dinky Doo needs to come with us.  She will be placed in the custody of Foal Protective Services until her family can be notified.”

“NO!” the filly screamed.  “You hurt my mommy!”

“Golden Harvest, it is my duty as an officer of the law to serve and protect.  I know it’s hard to believe what you just saw.  But if you care at all about this filly, you know what to do.”

Mint Julep knelt and reached out a foreleg.  “You’ll be safe with us,” the policemare told the filly.

“I’ll make sure you and your sister will be able to visit,” Gold Watch said.

Golden Harvest nodded, and slowly pushed the crying filly to the waiting forelegs of Mint Julep.

“Let’s go,” Gold Watch said.  “Mint Julep, please stay with Dinky Doo as long as necessary.  Meanwhile, Dawn Runner, you need to get dressed.”





Gold Watch arrived back at the park with four minutes to spare.  He took his place at Green Tea’s side.  There he stood, Celestia’s sun on his back, the fertile earth under his hooves.  He felt relief.  For eight years, he had worried about the worst crime of his career.  He feared the heartless murderer who roamed free, and even more feared for her littlest victim.  Now, everypony was safe.

There was still the trial to come, and no doubt the filly would need years of psychological care.  But soon, the case would be closed.

Retirement.  Gold Watch finally felt like he had earned his retirement.

The crowd murmured.  Green Tea nudged his hoof.  Gold Watch looked around.

Mr. Wattle cleared his throat.  “Do you?” he repeated.

He turned to Green Tea.  “I do.”

“Then, under the watchful presence of Princess Celestia, I pronounce you husband and wife.”

Gold Watch and Green Tea kissed.  Above them, fireworks decorated the sky, and sounded the good news.  And as they kissed under Celestia’s sun, Gold Watch felt it.  Friendship.  Magic.  Harmony.  Love.  All these things, the greatest lessons of ponykind.  Though a life as a cop had shown him plenty of ponies who rejected these lessons, today showed that they would always be triumphant.

> Epilogue: Case Closed
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Retirement Blues

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work.  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc.  I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Epilogue: Case Closed





Gold Watch nuzzled his wife.  She met him with a kiss.  “I know that look,” she said.  “You’re planning something.”

“You know, we didn’t really talk about a honeymoon,” Gold Watch said.  “I found a nice little resort in San Caballo.  Warm air, whirlpools, a full spa, gourmet restaurants....”

“You know I don’t need anything like that,” Green Tea said.  “The only thing that matters is that I’m with you.”

Gold Watch pulled her close.   “And I’m with you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Gold Watch smiled.  Green Tea understood, just like Blue Opal had.  He could face the worst scum of Equestria during the day, as long as he had somepony to love at night.  A simple embrace washed away all the negative feelings.

“Yes.  But it didn’t get any easier.”





Two days prior, Gold Watch had joined several guards and police officers in the dungeon under Canterlot Castle.  They stood in an observation chamber, where an enchanted mirror showed the image of a windowless cell, illuminated by magical light.

A single mare resided in the cell, looking different from when she had been captured.  The dye was scrubbed out of her coat, returning it to its natural white color.  Without the disguise, her cutie mark was revealed to be seven cloudberries.

Her eyes were back to normal as well.  Gold Watch had suggested checking her for curse magic, knowing what Poison Joke had done to Sharp Eye.  Sure enough, the condition of her eyes was not natural.

“Where is she being held, Chief?” Gold Watch asked.

“You don’t need to call me Chief anymore, Chief,” he replied.

“Sorry, you’ll always be Chief to me.  And you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know the answer.  All I know is that nopony enters that part of the dungeon unless Princess Celestia is magically observing it.”

“It’s rare to have her take a personal interest in a case.”

“This mare hurt her little ponies.  Not even she could hide the fury in her eyes,” the chief said.

“No wonder she authorized mind reading.”  In Gold Watch’s career, he could think of fewer than ten cases where Princess Celestia allowed the normally forbidden magic of mind reading to be used on a suspect.

“That poor stallion, though.  Her mind was a mess.  Worst he had ever seen.”

Gold Watch nodded; he had read the report.  The spell only captured what the subject believed, and the mare’s mind was a confused jumble of two lives.  It was as if she tried to convince herself that she was Ditzy Doo, and that she had a daughter named Dinky Doo, while trying to erase her past as Berry Sky of Cirrusburg.  “That just means we cops need to do our work.”

Around the room, the police officers nodded in agreement.

“So what have we learned from our investigations?” Gold Watch asked.  “Cirrusburg?”

“We’ve interviewed the major figures in Berry Sky’s life, confirming the details in her memory,” said the police chief from the cloud city near Fillydelphia.  “She was born to Summer Sky and Berry Heart.  Her mother grew cloudberries, and she found her special talent in the same field.  At the age of eighteen, she married Equinox, a stallion from a prominent family.

“By all accounts, their marriage was a happy one, but after trying to have a foal, Berry Sky learned she was barren.  Equinox wanted an heir by blood, so he divorced her.  And that broke Berry Sky’s heart.”

“Broke her mind, too,” Gold Watch said.

“In all likelihood.  Shortly after the divorce, Berry Sky disappeared.  Nopony knew where she went.  Her parents even filed a missing ponies report, but without evidence of foul play, there was nothing we could do.”

Gold Watch turned to a plum mare.  “What did you learn in San Caballo?”

“Not much.  A mare matching her description worked on the weather team for about two years, but she called herself Clear Sky.  The ponies who worked with her didn’t know her well, but they do recall seeing her with Ditzy Doo.  That mare was working at a soda shop.”

“Cloudsdale?”

“Ditzy Doo’s mother died when she was a toddler, so she was raised by her father for most of her life.  He worked in maintenance at the weather factory.  By all accounts, he loved his daughter, but he couldn’t afford things like flight tutoring or treatment for her eyes.  He died in an accident when she was fourteen, and she spent the rest of her foalhood in an orphanage.  As soon as she could leave, she did, ending up in San Caballo.  The rest we saw in Berry Sky’s memories.”

“Berry Sky befriended Ditzy Doo, a mare with no family and few friends, learning enough about her to fool ponies who had met her in the past,” Gold Watch said.  “It’s not clear how she learned about Morning Sun and Shining Star, but she fixated on their newborn foal.  And so she planned her crimes.  Three murders and one foalnapping.”

“But why Ponyville, Gold Watch?” his old chief asked.

“Ponyville is an earth pony town by founding, but it’s known as a town that embraces all kinds of ponies.  A pegasus mare with a unicorn daughter wouldn’t be seen as unusual.  Plus, it’s known as the town where nothing happens.”

“How’s that been working out for you, Gold Watch?”

“About as good as the coffee at the Canterlot police station.”

A subdued laughter filled the room.





“So you’re going to San Caballo to investigate the murder of Ditzy Doo?” Green Tea said.

Gold Watch nodded.  “We know from her memories that she took her on a picnic by the river.  But that’s a lot of terrain to cover.”

“Do you think Princess Celestia will show her mercy?  Because of her mental state?”

He shook his head.  “Her lawyer will plead for mercy, but I don’t think she will escape being banished to the sun.”

Green Tea held her husband tightly.  “Thank you for letting me help you bear this burden, Gold Watch.”

“And thank you for understanding.”





Four days.  For four days, Gold Watch trudged through marshy terrain near the San Caballo river.  All they had to go by was a vague memory, of a picnic, followed by Berry Sky luring Ditzy Doo into the thick marsh grasses.  His only company was a group of San Caballo’s finest, and one unpleasant unicorn, who did nothing but complain about his special talent.  His ability to find minerals couldn’t be used to find gems, but it could find other things.

Like the minerals in bones.

“Emeralds are known to be found in this area.  Sure would be nice if I could find them.  Would make a lot of ponies happy,” the unicorn complained.

“Please just check this bog,” Gold Watch said.  They started with what seemed like the most logical picnic sites, and used the impressions picked up by the spell to find terrain that looked right.  But who knew if the grasses were the same as nine years prior?

“I’m sensing something.”  The unicorn concentrated.  “It’s the right minerals, and the right size.”

“Okay.  Send up the flare.”

Soon, dozens of officers were attacking the crime scene with shovels.  Ponies combined their magic to pull the water out of the soil, enabling the digging.

It took until well past dusk, but when the remains were recovered, the evidence was clear.  This was a pegasus mare, whose skull showed signs of the same blunt force trauma as Berry Sky remembered inflicting.

That night, Gold Watch held Green Tea tight, until sleep finally claimed him.