I still say you need to work on how the dialog is put out in this great story.
Also, I want to clarify something. Is Marcus' heart the watch or was the watch over the heart? If the watch was his heart, it said that Twilight moved the watch causing Marcus' demon to be let out a bit; when she tugged on the watch, did it count as tugging on his heart?
In MUCH need of editing, rushed, characters are quite flat, and the premise is kind of generic... but it still has enough potential to warrant continued reading.
4535129 Yeah, I can be a bit blunt about things like that... especially the editing parts. But when you edit 7 different fanfics (5 of which have been featured on more than one occasion); you lose the ability to simply ignore such things.
4535318 Well, none of my authors are very active with their updates, so I suppose I could. Just know that I will likely be criticizing your fanfic even more if I do become the editor, and may give enough suggestions/point out enough plotholes that it will change the direction of the story you had planned.
4535334 i don't have a distinct direction in witch i plan to take it i change that about every three days or so like sometimes i think of something that i want to do and end up changing it a while later
4535420 I cant because my lap top s crap and won't let me get on goggle docs every time i do it wont load ithe page i would have to send it to you via pm
Fixed up the description as best I could. Definitely easier to read now.
Marcus Creed, the one who defeated the previous lord of death (might wanna say his name here). After being forced to take the reapers place he is now being thrown into a weird alternate universe where instead of humans being the dominate species there are ponies. Marcus is not permitted to leave this world until all the dark souls that reside there are eliminated. He must find and kill the all dark beings that are slowly consuming this land and it's ponies. All while trying to protect his new found friends. Unfortunately Marcus is also plagued by a demon that has taken residence in his soul.
5076246 IPod is being gay and won't let me edit it here is the fix that I skimmed over.
After being forced to take the reapers place he is now being thrown into a weird alternate universe where instead of human beings, there are ponies that have become the dominate species.
>_>
hmmmm
<_<
Hmmmm highly intriguing this ads cause for more investigating. : /
I'm still sorry I took so long editing it. Busy weeks are busy.
4451963 Its cool
4451968
Okay. Now! I'm off the the land of Skyrim! Many modded adventures await me!
4451971 beware of arrows to the knees
I like
4452814
WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
ME: bangs money on computer screen
4457339 Ok
I still say you need to work on how the dialog is put out in this great story.
Also, I want to clarify something. Is Marcus' heart the watch or was the watch over the heart? If the watch was his heart, it said that Twilight moved the watch causing Marcus' demon to be let out a bit; when she tugged on the watch, did it count as tugging on his heart?
4465588 His heart was ripped out of his chest and replaced with the watch.
So i guess you could say the watch is his heart now
4465654 Well at least the doctors can record at what time he died, they just have to pull out the watch and see what time it stopped working.
4535098 Well that stung a little but i dont mind the criticism i know my writing skills suck
In MUCH need of editing, rushed, characters are quite flat, and the premise is kind of generic... but it still has enough potential to warrant continued reading.
4535129 Yeah, I can be a bit blunt about things like that... especially the editing parts. But when you edit 7 different fanfics (5 of which have been featured on more than one occasion); you lose the ability to simply ignore such things.
4535303 I am in need of an editor if your interested
4535318 Well, none of my authors are very active with their updates, so I suppose I could. Just know that I will likely be criticizing your fanfic even more if I do become the editor, and may give enough suggestions/point out enough plotholes that it will change the direction of the story you had planned.
4535334 i don't have a distinct direction in witch i plan to take it i change that about every three days or so like sometimes i think of something that i want to do and end up changing it a while later
4535393 Alright, just send me links to the 4 current chapters in Google-Docs with Edit on, and I'll get to them when I have time/feel like it.
4535420 I cant because my lap top s crap and won't let me get on goggle docs every time i do it wont load ithe page i would have to send it to you via pm
4535468 do you have skype?
4536664 no but i can make one it might not work though my conection is crap
4536852 Skype can be used as an IM chat, which doesn't need much internet speed.
4739309
Well talk about Fu**ing the fear turky
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4680394496/h2B082F44/
s.pikabu.ru/post_img/2013/08/24/12/1377370988_1979463687.jpg
4815648 HA HA HA HA HA!! this guys great
4815678 toothpastefordinner.com/031002/thanks-folks.gif
4815747 oh dear god im going to follow you
4815780 i.imgur.com/UN1L2.png
..... Well..... Damn I say we got a winner!!!!!
I crown thee lord shadowed reaper the 3rd abyssalite king!
5031414 oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh...........ahem i mean the shadowed reaper is pleased with his new title
Fixed up the description as best I could. Definitely easier to read now.
Marcus Creed, the one who defeated the previous lord of death (might wanna say his name here). After being forced to take the reapers place he is now being thrown into a weird alternate universe where instead of humans being the dominate species there are ponies. Marcus is not permitted to leave this world until all the dark souls that reside there are eliminated. He must find and kill the all dark beings that are slowly consuming this land and it's ponies. All while trying to protect his new found friends. Unfortunately Marcus is also plagued by a demon that has taken residence in his soul.
This story is on hiatus until I get a laptop.
5076246 thanks and love your avatat btw lol ill use the fixed version when i have access to computer or cell phone
5076246 IPod is being gay and won't let me edit it here is the fix that I skimmed over.
5076280 oki doki thanks
5076260 What are you using? A brick?
5076400 your not to far off im actually using a xbox360
5076522 Holy shit that's fucking hilarious. So you are actually better at grammar it's just your to lazy to type the shit out? If so I feel yeah
5076573 yup that sounds about right and hey dont laugh at my pain
5076610 you know what you should do. Try sticking a keyboard in the USB port on the 360. Then smash the buttons to see if it does anything anywhere
5077932 i dont have a keyboard or i would try it
Pie...
5100157 cupcakes..........
5100216 souls......
5100261 are very very..........tasty
Marcus stop leaking your black fluid.....its very arousing