Rocky Road Trip

by Metool Bard

Ominous yet Silly

Chapter 3:
Ominous yet Silly

By mid-morning, the Pie sisters stood on the front porch, each of them wearing their saddlebags.

"Alright, let's go through this checklist one last time," said Limestone. "Cracker sandwiches?"

"Check," chirped Marble.

"Candy necklace?"

"I have that," said Maud.

"Are Boulder and Roxanne present and accounted for?"

"I've got her right here," said Marble, pulling the dome-shaped rock from her bag. Maud simply reached into her pocket and held Boulder aloft.

"And I've got the ice cream sandwiches, so that's a chiggity-check," said Limestone. "Looks like we're all set."

"I hope you girls have a wonderful time," said Cloudy Quartz. "But be sure to hurry back when you're done with your visit. Your father is still mighty worried about the surface rock shortage."

"Don't worry, Ma. We won't be too long," said Maud, placing Boulder back in her pocket. "At least, we'll try not to be."

"Always erring on the side of caution, eh Stick-in-the-Maud?" said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, we've visited Nana Pinkie who knows how many times. It's the safest path in the Everfree Forest."

"Technically, that's not saying much," said Marble frankly.

Limestone rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hoof. "Marble, you're not helping."

"It's alright, Limestone. I know you girls can take care of yourselves," said Cloudy Quartz with a warm smile. "As long as you know where you're going, you'll be okay."

"Well, of course we know where we're going," said Marble. "Nana Pinkie's house is just over the river and through the woods."

"And that's about all we can say without getting sued," added Limestone.

Marble did a double take. "Huh wha?"

"Nothing!" said Limestone, casting her gaze upwards.

"No, that was certainly something," said Maud, arching an eyebrow.

"You're probably just hearing things," said Limestone with a dismissive wave of her hoof.

Maud blinked. "Limestone, I have working ears. I'm always hearing things," she said without a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"She's got you there, Limestone," Marble giggled.

Limestone pouted. "Oh, forget it," she said with a sigh. "Note to self: Leave the meta humor to Pinkie."

"Speaking of which, perhaps it's time we left," said Marble, giving Cloudy Quartz a hug. "So long, Mother. We'll tell Nana Pinkie you said hi."

"I'd really appreciate that, girls," said Cloudy Quartz. "Be careful now."

"Don't worry. We will," said Limestone. "Alright, let's move 'em out! Onward to Nana Pinkie's house!"

With that, the Pie sisters headed off towards the Everfree Forest while Cloudy Quartz stood on the porch waving goodbye.

"No matter how much they grow up, they're still my little girls at heart," she mused. "Heh, boy do I feel old."

When the three sisters disappeared from her view, she looked down at the ground and observed the dirt trails. As she did so, she raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm. The trail seems rather vague today," she muttered, stroking her chin. "Strong bonds will be tested, and the rest is gibberish. How strange."

She traced the contours of the ground with her hoof a bit, watching the dirt with a critical eye.

"Oh, wait. It's just saying that the surface rock shortage isn't hitting us until this evening," she said. "Wait, then what was the whole thing about strong bonds being tested? It couldn't have been referring to the girls, could it?"

She then shook herself and tapped her head smartly. "Ah, you worry too much, Cloudy Quartz. The girls are old enough to take care of themselves. I'm sure no matter what happens, they'll turn out alright in the end. Well then, I'd better go tell Iggy the good news about the shortage. Celestia knows he'll need to hear it..."

***

"Hmm. The path seems a lot more, barren than I remember," said Maud, staring down at her feet as she and her sisters made their way through the Everfree Forest.

"Barren?" parroted Marble. "How so?"

"Not as many rocks," answered Maud.

"It probably has something to do with the forest trying to invade at the Summer Sun Celebration a while back," said Limestone. "A lot of rocks were broken down by those crazy vines. Boy, Dad was not happy about that little fiasco. We almost lost the entire East Field."

"L-let's try to focus on some happier memories, okay?" whimpered Marble. "I'd, rather not think about that, incident. Brrr~."

"Right, sorry," said Limestone. "We should probably talk about something else."

"Like that sign up ahead that was never there before?" said Maud.

Limestone gave Maud an odd look. "Huh? What're you talking abou— oh."

She looked ahead and immediately saw what Maud was referring to. Planted in the middle of the road was a wooden sign shaped like an arrow pointing to parts unknown. Carved into the sign was the word "Detour." However, the e was replaced with a hyphen, the u was missing, and the r was capitalized and written backwards. The three sisters stared blankly at the sign for a bit.

"Huh. How odd," said Marble, tilting her head. "Who in Equestria left that there? It couldn't have been any of us, yet we're the only ones who have ever traveled down this path."

"My best guess is that it was a jerk who thinks we're a bunch of idiots," said Limestone.

Marble blinked. "How exactly did you come to that conclusion?"

"Think about it, Marble," said Limestone. "It's a poorly-written detour sign that's not even pointing to an alternate path, and yet whoever put it here obviously expects whoever sees it to follow it. Seeing as it was set up on a path that we have traveled many times before, it's clearly meant for us."

"So, you think it's a trap," said Maud.

"There's nothing else it could be," said Limestone with a shrug. "I mean, we didn't put it there."

Marble swallowed. "S-so, someone's trying to hurt us?" she squeaked, trembling ever so slightly.

"Well, they're clearly not inviting us for tea and crumpets, whoever they are," said Limestone, furrowing her brow. "Even so, I don't get it. I'm not sure if any of the creatures of the Everfree Forest could make something like this, and I really can't think of anyone off the top of my head who'd have an axe to grind with us. What about you, Maud?"

Maud sniffed the ground where the sign was poking out. "There are traces of metamorphic rock around this sign," she said.

"Yeah, that doesn't really answer my question," said Limestone dryly.

"It's still worth noting, though," said Maud. "Anyway, I can't think of anyone, either."

"Thought so," said Limestone. "Well, whoever it is, we can take 'em, no problem! After all, we've got the ultimate team!"

"We do?" asked Maud.

"Well, duh! Of course we do!" cheered Limestone. "We've got the brains, the brawn, and the heart!"

"Wait, which one of us is the brains?" asked Marble.

"That would be me, of course," said Limestone, rubbing her hoof against her chest and breathing on it. "Although Maud here is plenty smart, she's stronger than the rest of the Pie family put together. Therefore, she's the brawn."

"Ah, I see," said Marble with a nod. "Then, what does that make me?"

Limestone stared at Marble as if she had three heads. "Um, you're the heart, Marble. Doy."

"I am?" asked Marble, knitting her brow. "I thought Pinkamena was the heart."

Limestone sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, Pinkie's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas. We've already been over this."

"I, don't think Pinkemena ever agreed to that, Limestone," said Marble, twiddling her hooves.

"Well, we can't have two hearts! It would make the team unbalanced!"

"I concede that point. However, I would argue that Pinkamena has a much bigger heart than I do."

"Marble, you're selling yourself short again. Or do I need to remind you about your pet rock shelter?"

"That's only for pet rocks, Limestone. Pinkamena shares her heart with everypony."

"Well, you could, too. You just have to open up a little. Besides, you don't just show affection to pet rocks. You love your family, too, doncha?"

"Again, a valid point. However, there's another problem I have with this team dynamic."

"Dare I ask what that is?"

"I think the title you gave Pinkamena is insulting and nonsensical. I mean, what exactly is a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas supposed to do for the team?"

"Be random and crazy, of course. That's what Pinkie does best."

"No, Pinkamena's best trait is making other ponies smile."

"Well, that too. But again, we can't have two hearts."

"Well, why do I have to be the heart?"

"Marble, being the heart is a great honor! And don't you dare say you don't deserve it."

"I'm not saying I don't deserve it per se. I just think Pinkamena deserves it more than I do."

"Well, we can't make you a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas!"

"Are those our only choices here?"

"Yes!"

"Who made that rule, and what are their credentials?"

Limestone smacked her forehead. "Marble, you're being ridiculous," she groaned. "Maud, back me up here. Do you think Marble should be the heart?"

"I think we should probably get moving," said Maud flatly.

Limestone deadpanned. "Thank you for that, Stick-in-the-Maud. I'm so glad I can always count on you to have my back," she said sardonically before turning back to Marble. "Okay, look. We'll compromise. When you're not around, Pinkie's our substitute heart. When you are around, she's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas. Happy?"

"For now," said Marble. "I think we'll have to take this up with Pinkamena next time we see her."

Limestone let out an exasperated sigh. "There is just no pleasing you, is there?" she grumbled. "Alright, let's just keep going and ignore the stupid sign. If whoever is after us strikes again, we'll deal with them then."

With that, the Pie sisters continued walking down the path. As they left, Tom emerged from the bushes.

"Drat!" he muttered. "Foiled by illiteracy! Ugh, I blame those stupid ponies for not teaching us rocks how to write. That's the first thing that's gonna change when I'm in charge. I can't have an empire of dunces."

He then straightened up and made a sound as if he were clearing his throat. "Oh well, no matter. By not falling into this trap, they're walking into one that'll be much worse. Once I set it up, that is. Speaking of which, I'd better get on that."

His body generated a powerful psychic aura and rocks of all shapes and sizes began floating around him. He snickered maniacally.

"If those ponies think they can outsmart the likes of me, they are sorely mistaken. Mark my words, the last laugh will be mine. Just like everything else..."

Comments

[Yildun]

Oh yeah. This is most definitely going into my read later list. I'm gonna have to make some time. Gotta love Discord's antics going haywire in unexpected ways. Especially with Maud.

4220336
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/696/653/e54.jpg
Cheese Sandwich:

[Yildun]

4198869
That makes the most sense to me.

[ShadowLDrago]

Limestone sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, Pinkie's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas. We've already been over this."

Not dignifying that.

"I think we should probably get moving," said Maud flatly.

Good idea.

[Boulder]

No, Pinkie's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas.

If I was stuck between her spleen and pancreas, I'd toss up too!

"Well, we can't have two hearts! It would make the team unbalanced!"

See Time Turner/Dr Whooves.