The battle of Green Lake Town part 3
Chapter 16
The Battle of Green Lake Town part 3
Louis and Ace walked side by side across the camp. Ponies around talked between each other silently. Whispers were heard all around and the typical feeling that normally on the camp felt down and dark. The soldier´s heads hung low, their ears flat on their heads. As Louis looked around he began to wonder if it was possible to raise the ponies spirits.
“I tell you, Louis. We won't be able to hold them, less with the attitude of the soldiers,” Ace was saying. Louis was only acknowledging as he looked around. “We need to fall back to a larger city and await for reinforcements…”
Immediately, Louis stopped him angrily. “No! We can't leave the town on its own. We can’t wait for reinforcements either. They won’t. come.”
Ace looked annoyed. “Then what do you suggest we do? We don't have enough troops. Our original force of five thousand was reduced to barely twenty-five hundred. We have a total number more than a thousand dead or lost in battle and the rest wounded enough that can’t fight. It’s hopeless.”
Louis grinned and shook his head. “It´s not hopeless…” He turned to look at Silver´s tent, which was far off on the other side of the camp. Still, it’s size made it easy to spot. “At least it won’t be once he is no longer in charge.”
Ace looked confused. “He? What do you mean? Are you talking about…”
“Silver, yes. General SilverInk has already made too much mistakes, one of them not choosing to listen to my suggestions and the other making terrible decisions.” Louis was speaking from his heart now. He disliked Silver beyond any other superior he had have before. “Thanks to him, all those ponies are dead.”
“You can't be certain of that. Silver is an able strategist. He graduated from the royal guard military school and…”
“And I don´t care. We can't fall back without letting the enemy enter Equestria, and we can´t stay if he keeps on the command.” Louis looked back at Ace. “You need to substitute him from command. I will help you.” Ace looked doubtful.
“I… I´m not sure Louis. This might not end well.” Ace looked clearly disturbed.
“But I trust you more than I trust that little bastard…” Ace opened his mouth in shock “…and I know you will listen to my suggestions.” The German took out from his pockets a map and showed it to Ace. “I made a plan that will work, even against twenty thousand enemies.”
Ace wasn't sure how to respond. He slowly took the map from Louis and examined it. After a few minutes, he sighed.
“You win, Louis. I only hope that you are right. We can get court martialed for this, you know?” Louis was slightly surprised that there was court martial in Equestria, but still he nodded.
“Let´s do this then,” Louis said, starting to walk towards the main tent. Ace followed him a couple of seconds later, his head slightly lower than before.
It took them a few minutes to reach the tent. Louis saw captain Iroh talking to some ponies of the pegasi air units. He called him.
“Yes commander?” the captain asked.
“I need you and a team of six to follow me. We are doing a detention.” The captain nodded and whistled six times. Three pegasi and three earth ponies approached. “Come.”
He moved with his small escort of armed ponies across the camp and the entered Silver´s tent without announcing himself. Silver was laying on his chair and looking into nothing. His gaze was lost and Louis saw him balancing one of his legs back and forth. He was really planning the next battle, wasn't he?
“General.”
Silver snapped out of his thoughts as he saw Louis, Ace, and captain Iroh.
“What do you want? You didn´t called before entering. Leave immediately, all of you.”
Louis shook his head and took a step forward. “I´m afraid I won't take more orders from you, Silver.” SilverInk stared in shock at him. “It has come to our attention that you are no longer fit for command. Your actions so far have taken the troops to nothing more than defeats and death.”
“What are you talking ab…” Silver began, only to be caught off by Louis.
“I am obliged then to relieve you of command of the equestrian army, sir.”
Silver didn´t moved. He suddenly tensed as his tail twitched.
“I won´t ever..!”
“Damn you Silver, just accept it!” Ace suddenly snapped. He turned towards Iroh. “Captain, apprehend this pony and take him to my tent. He is to remain there until we are done with this hell of a battle.”
Iroh seemed to hesitate. He looked between Ace and Silver.
“Captain, you are to do nothing. Return to you post,” Silver said. Iroh looked at Louis. The German nodded slowly.
Iroh looked at Silver. “Argh… Sorry sir.” He whistled and immediately the six ponies entered. “Don't struggle, sir.”
Silver looked between Louis and Ace. “So this is how things are going to be. You'll learn soon of the mistake you are making.” He walked towards Iroh. “Call me once you see that the battle will be lost. I was going to order a retreat and wait for reinforcements.” He turned to Louis and spat at his shoes, then walked outside escorted by Iroh and his ponies.
Ace turned to Louis. He had a concerned face until he looked back at the chair. He walked slowly towards it and sat down. He looked down and slowly looked up.
He now looked decided. “Let´s do this…”
*** *** ***
“Alright, let's summarize the plan, no?” Louis said. General Ace nodded. Louis began. “My plan then, slightly modified. We use deception and make them think most of the troops deserted. That will make them think that the battle is already won. When they less expect it, our troops will get out from hiding and attack, quickly surrounding them. In the air, pegasi troops that will be hiding on storm clouds will attack the changeling airborne troops with lighting strikes and the below, using lightning as well.” Ace nodded. Louis smiled confidently. “They'll never know what hit them.”
Ace stood up and walked around the planning table. The map of the battlefield was there, covered with arrows and marked spots. “Surprise will be our ally.” He grinned a little. “Though I'm still thinking… Maybe retreat to a bigger city might be good as well.”
Louis shook his head. “First off, we would leave the inhabitants of this town defenseless..”
“We take them with us,” Ace said.
“Some won´t.” He answered. “Second, Silver will be in all rights to court martial us. Not that I fear that, but we did it for a purpose. We can't let them enter Equestria. The troops aren't ready to fight them, only ours and Davi’s. We must trust that this will work.” Ace nodded.
“You're right. I don't know why I doubted our plan.”
Louis shrugged. “It´s not bad to doubt, but unless there´s another suggestion, we should get going on to prepare it.”
Ace nodded.
“Then let´s go. We have a lot to do.”
The left the main tent and found captain Iroh. “Captain,” Louis said. “This is what we need you to do…”
*** *** ***
It took them three hours to take the camp down. They left some things to make it look like they left it in a rush, but soon they were marching back towards the town. The troops carried only what they could carry, leaving many things back. Louis had sent scouts back to notify if the changelings made any advance.
So far, the changelings were simply regrouping. Scout reports said the same things. An estimate of twenty thousand changelings, no weapons with them. Only the commanders and official seemed to have a sword. What distinguished the ranks, or so Louis guessed, was the colors they were. green seemed like the normal private soldier. Then the rest of the colors was a mark of other higher rank.
What had surprised both Louis and Ace the most was that the had spotted the general. He was apparently larger than any other changeling around. He was a golden color, in contrast to the other colors that were pretty dull and dark.
Louis finally saw the little town of Green Lake. He stopped and turned to Ace and Iroh. Ace was to command the left flank hidden strike force that consisted of nine hundred and Iroh was going to command the right flank attack force, as well of nine hundred. The other five hundred were to go with Louis and stand in front. Three hundred of them were going to hide and the other two hundred were going to make the act. To make the changelings think they had won. The other two hundred were pegasi. They were going to hide in the storm clouds they were going to bring from a nearby wild storm and prepare to roast their enemies with electricity.
Louis nodded and the two, both Iroh and Ace, nodded in response. Soon they were going their own way. Louis turned to look at his troops. Apart from them, the wounded were going with him as well. Also everything they had taken from the camp. Silver was walking in the back, escorted by six ponies. Two pegasi, two unicorns and two earth ponies.
They finally reached the town. The town dwellers got out of their houses as soon as they saw the equestrian army entering the town limits. When they saw the beaten look they had, many gasped. One of them, a grey earth pony, approached Louis.
“What happened?” he asked. Louis turned to his soldiers.
“The battle didn’t went as well as we thought it was going to go. Don’t worry though. We will stop them before they reach your town, I promise.” The pony seemed unconvinced for some seconds, but then nodded.
“As you say. I only want to make sure nothing bad is going to happen to us.” He turned and walked back to his house. Most of the ponies looking closed their doors and their windows. Louis noticed shops closing and that soon there was no pony left outside except for the soldiers. He turned to the head field doctor.
“Take the wounded to the back of the town and mount a small infirmary camp. I hope we won't need to send you more ponies there, but I can't be sure.” The doctor nodded and went to a nurse. Louis looked around his soldiers. Many looked scared, but faces of resolve covered their faces. He smiled. They were not going to run away.
“Alright everypony, you all know what to do. Get to your positions and wait for my signal. You know what to do next.”
“Kill those buckers!” one pony in the crowd shouted. Louis chuckled as he heard a couple of yeahs! and gasps. He lifted his arms and tried to calm then. Soon, he had silence again.
“I know some of you are scared. I am as well. Don't let your fear get the best of you, but rather use it for your advantage. Those bugs that are approaching want us dead and enslaved. I can't see a better cause to fight than for freedom.” He began to pace. “I was in a war right before coming to Equestria. I know what it feels to go into battle. I myself have been in countless of them. I only hope this war doesn´t lead to that, but this here…” he said, spreading his arms. “This here is where this war is begun to be told. This, here, right where you are standing, is were the first blood has been shed. The first battlefield. Today, once the first sign of those bugs shows up, we will mark if our friends lives were wasted, or if they gave them up for something. We will win. We will defeat the enemy. We will taint this field with our enemies if we need to. They killed our friends, our brothers. They want to enslave our families and our neighbors! I won´t let that happen, but I won't be able without you. It´s time we decide who gets the first word on this war. It is either us, or the changelings. Now, who do we want that to be?! Who decides today?!”
All around, the response was immediate. “We will!”
Louis smiled. “Let´s kick those enemy flanks and show them how we Equestrians are made. To your positions!” Ponies began moving. They picked up their weapons and walked to their positions. Louis went to where he was going to command his troops. In less than a minute he had two hundred soldiers on his back. He looked to the battlefield.
Soon, it was silent. The eerie calm before battle seemed eternal until, from the distance, a pegasus scout flew at full speed towards Louis.
“They are here!” The pegasus flew fast away and up to the clouds. Louis took his rifle with his hands and loaded it. He saw the ponies unsheathe their swords and prepare the first arrows.
“Remember what we planned!” he shouted. The ponies said nothing, but he knew they remembered.
It took some minutes before, across the large field, the first changelings began to be seen.
They marched organizedly towards the town. Louis could see line after line of changelings. Soon the airborne changelings began to show up as well. He could see the worry on his troops. He turned. “Don´t fall back! For any reason! Stand firm!” He saw his troops hesitate. the captains and officers nodded at Louis and began going around, trying to maintain the troops calm.
In a matter of minutes, the whole changeling attack force was completely seen. The marched at them firmly and decidedly. Louis gulped and doubted for that first time that maybe, just maybe, his plan wasn't going to work. He hove the thought off and grinned.
“No! Don´t think that. It till work,” he thought. “It must work…”
He saw the enemies and turned to his troops. One of the soldiers was looking straight to him. Louis nodded and the pony whined and ran away. Louis smiled slightly and then put on an angry face. “Don´t fall back! Stay right where you are or you will be killed!” He nodded at the officers and they quickly looked menacingly at his troops. Louis prayed that the changelings were buying it. He nodded once more and another pony ran away, soon followed by another until all were in full retreat. He shouted angrily and then looked at the changelings. He hoped they would fall for the deception. He turned and ran away as well…
*** *** ***
General Spit stopped walking the second he saw the first equestrian run away. He looked intently and noticed the biped creature known as “human” shout something and then look at his troops. Seconds after, another pony ran away. He chuckled. It was obviously going to be easy, even better with all the ponies running away.
“My general, the ponies are running back,” a changeling drone said. General Spit nodded as he saw all the equestrian lines brake up and turn tail. “Should we begin pursuit?”
Spit smiled. “Yes. Burn the town and kill all its inhabitants. It´s too small to help us in any way. Then, capture the equestrian soldiers that are running away.”
Another changelings approached. This one was a crimson color. “General, but what happened to the rest of the army?”
Spit wondered for a second. “They surely did the same and ran away. Do as I say.”
“But, my general, what if its a trap?”
General Spit looked at him. He growled and immediately a green lighting burned the changeling to crisps. “Do as I say!”
The reaction was immediate. Soon enough, all the changelings were running or flying towards the town. No sense in keeping order now. Their orders were to plunder and destroy. What better way than to let his army run havoc?
He chuckled as he began walking. He wasn't going to be needed on this battle…
*** *** ***
“Sir! They believed our deception! They are coming straight at us!” one of the officers exclaimed excitedly. Louis smiled.
“Yes!” he said. They were running, but soon they´d stop and meet the enemy. Soon, it was going to be the enemy the one that would try to fall back, but they were going to be unable to…
“How long before they reach ambush point?” he asked. the officer looked back. “One minute estimate, sir.”
“Good. Keep running, but slow down. Send that order to every officer.” The pony nodded and began passing the voice. The running equestrians were already inside the town. They stopped and hid behind buildings, but some kept running in case a changeling went to fly above the city.
Louis looked up and saw the storm clouds gathering on top of the town and slowly drift across the to-be battlefield. The changelings were going to soon get one hell of a surprise.
“They crossed the line!” an officer shouted. Louis stopped and turned. He was smiling slightly.
“Ponies!” He pulled his rifle forward, a bayonet strapped to it. “Charge!”
*** *** ***
“They crossed the ambush line, general.”
Ace nodded and turned around. his troops were hidden on the tall grass. He stood up.
“Troops! Attack!” he pulled his sword in front of him and charged. A chorus of shouts behind him accompanied him as they ran at the enemy. He saw not far off Iroh´s own unit attacking.
Time for the battle to start.
Thunder began, lighting the sky. Lightning began on the dark clouds, immediately hitting changelings in the air.
Ace shouted as he ran, prepared to hit the enemy.
The first changeling he met wasn´t aware of him coming. He ended it with a quick slice to the head. The next one was too startled to do anything. It fell down after a strike from Ace.
The next minutes were just of striking surprised changelings. Of course they weren't expecting an attack to the back of the army. He pushed on, the sound of thunder announcing his sword to the enemies.
He felt a slice cut through the air beside him. He turned and saw a crimson changeling attacking him. He had a sword at his side holded by magic. Ace cursed and parried a blow.
“I´ll have your head on a spike, equestrian!” the changeling shouted. Ace shivered at the thought. That was definitely something he didn´t wanted.
“You'll have to win it!” he shouted at the changeling, parrying another blow and throwing one of his own. The changelings took one false step and almost tumbled. Ace used the advantage and impaled the changeling with his sword. The changeling looked surprised and then fell back. Ace spat at the changeling and continued fighting.
On the other side of the battlefield, Iroh was dealing the same way as Ace. Changelings were too surprised at the equestrian attack to do much more than stare or try to run away only to fall on their own legs. He used his sword fast, slicing changelings. Only once a changeling attacked him seriously and almost managed to impale him with his horn. Iroh had to use his wings to move into the air and hit the changeling from the air before the changeling tried to fly as well.
His troops were managing just fine, especially with the little resistance the changelings were making.
He saw Ace´s attack not far away. He wasn't worried about Ace though. Louis was the one with only five hundred troops. It was going to be difficult for him to stop them. Still, he knew he was going to do it. He seemed an able warrior and leader. He just hoped he wasn't wrong.
*** *** ***
“Hold them! Don't let them near the city!” Louis shouted over the sound of the shouts of war.
His soldiers were taking cover on a small trench he had built before battle for the cover of the archers. They fired at the charging changelings, crippling and killing as soon as they were in range. The sword ponies awaited for Louis´ order to charge.
Louis didn´t wanted to do that though. one fifth of his ponies were archers, and sadly they were not as good with sword than the rest were. They worked better with bows and, so far, that was enough. One hundred archers was more than enough to hold the changelings. The problem was that more and more kept coming. It was only a matter of time before the changelings managed to reach the trench. There was when Louis was going to order the charge.
He stared and fired his rifle a couple of times. He didn't wanted to waste a lot of his ammo, since it was possible he only had a limited amount and just that. He couldn't get more in Equestria.
He looked around and saw the ponies holding straight and tall. They had decided grins in their faces and many seemed even eager to jump into action. Louis directed his thoughts back to the battle. He couldn't get distracted.
Minutes passed and he smiled once he saw that the sky was clear of changelings. The lightning had done its job. Now it was turn for the pegasi to jump into action below.
Just as he thought that, pegasi began to fall from the sky, many pushing storm clouds with them. Thunder began to sound again, only that this time the lightning was directed to the ground.
He turned back to the battle in from of him. The changelings were now dangerously close. He sighed and stopp up. So did all the ponies. He did the sign of the cross and placed his rifle on his back, taking his sword.
“Ponies! Show swords!” he commanded. The equestrian troops moved their swords forward. The archers placed their bows down and unsheathed their short swords. He looked around once more.
“Charge!” he shouted. Everypony around ran to meet the enemy. Louis ran with them as well. He jumped forwards right before meeting the first enemy, falling right on top of him and then stabbing down, ending him. He parried a horn and killed its owner, quickly turning to stab another one.
He kept fighting against the enemies parry after parry, strike after strike. He suddenly saw a mass of changelings rushing at him. He cursed and unstrapped a grenade Davis had given him. He pulled the safe and threw it. When it hit the ground, it exploded killing all the changelings around it. He didn't had time to look much because he was soon attacked by more changelings.
The more he fought, the more his muscles began to feel tired. He saw that the equestrians had the advantage in the battle, but the longer that the battle lasted, the less likely they were to win. Good thing was, the changelings were not organized. That had been the most fatal mistake of the changeling general, or whatever commanded them. He had been a fool to order such a charge, and for that Louis was thankful…
*** *** ***
“My general! The equestrians are hitting us, and had!” a changeling announced. General Spit growled. He could see that. He was in the middle of it, for the queen´s sake.
“I am aware of that.”
He looked around, trying to asses the situation. It had been far too rushed to order the charge, even less with the disorder he had allowed on his lines. That was going to cost him the battle, sadly. Still, he could leave with honor yet.
He charged a lightning and threw it forward, not caring if changelings were there. The lightning quickly fried many ponies, including changelings. He took his sword and moved to meet the equestrians. He charged his sword with electricity and attacked an earth pony. The pony shouted angrily as he tried to hit Spit. The changeling general simply parried once and the pony´s sword broke. The pony didn't had time to see that because soon he had an electrified sword all the way across his belly. Spit took out his sword and the pony fell back, convulsing with all the electric charge inside him.
He turned and attacked once more, this time throwing another lightning. There was an explosion as it hit an armored unicorn royal guard that was charging an energy blast. The lightning hit the pony and the combined electricity and magic exploded, killing everypony around and leaving a crater.
Spit smiled and attacked again…
*** *** ***
Louis was surprised to see an explosion happen close to where he was standing.
A royal guard was going to blast a changeling nor far away when an electric beam hit him. It had looking exactly like a lightning, only that green.
He tried to see where it had come from and he spotted the source easily. There was a part where there were no ponies or changelings since the lightning had passed right through. What he saw made him shiver.
It was the changeling general. He could cast lightning. He turned around and saw a pegasus about to pass by.
“You!” he shouted. The pegasus stopped and looked at him. “Take clouds and hit the enemy general. Don´t do it alone. Get help!” he shouted. The pegasus nodded, saluted, and flew off. Louis began to make his way towards the changeling general.
He saw pegasi prepare clouds and promptly send multiple strikes against the changeling… only to be answered back.
One of the pegasi fell down completely black from burns. Louis cursed and quickened his pace. He needed to stop that bug from killing more. He slashed many changelings until he was a couple of feet away. He watched in shock as the general sliced right through a pony, cutting the unicorn in half. He felt anger rise immediately.
Then he noticed his sword and the electricity that was obvious in it.
“You!” he shouted, immediately catching the attention of the changeling, who smiled once he saw Louis.
“Oh, but it´s the bipedal creature that has been causing me trouble. I suppose this was all you plan.”
Louis grinned. “Yes, and now you are going to pay for setting hoof in Equestria and for all the deaths you have caused.” The changeling laughed.
“Here, the only one that is going to pay is gonna be you, for helping my enemy and for ending countless of changelings.” He levitated his sword, pointing it at Louis. “You are going to die.”
Louis growled and attacked the changeling. He tried to slice only to be parried by the changeling´s blade. He half expected his blade to break due to the energy on the changeling´s sword, but instead the two blades shined with the sound of electricity and a little explosion. Both took a step back.
“Why did your blade not break?” the general asked, surprise clearly marked in his voice. “No blade can withstand so much raw power!”
Louis looked at his sword. It was still shining, though the shine faded slowly.
“This was a gift from the princesses…” he said, more to himself than to the changeling. “It surely has some kind of spell to protect it against magic.”
The changeling shouted angrily and attacked Louis. Louis blocked the attack with another brilliant flash and tried to stab the changeling, who simply used his horn to block Louis´ sword.
“It´s gonna take more than that, ape.”
Louis and the changeling kept fighting, completely ignorant of the battle around them. Slowly, both changelings and ponies stopped fighting and stared in awe at the fight between the two. Not all though, but still many simply stopped and watched.
Louis sidestepped and managed to stab the changeling´s leg. The moment Spit growled in pain, Louis attacked again and stabbed his back. The general groaned and managed to cut Louis slightly on his arm. Louis shouted in pain as he moved back. The electricity had barely made it into his body, but it had been enough to put him off balance. The changeling tried to stab again, but Louis kept moving out of the way.
“This has gone for far too long!” the changeling shouted. He charged his horn as he threw a lightning at Louis. Louis used his sword to try to block it. He expected to feel a sensation of heat and then die, but nothing came. He didn't even felt a strike on his sword. He slowly opened his eyes, since he had closed them. He stared surprised as his sword absorbed the lightning. Spit stopped, exhausted. He groaned and attacked Louis again. This time, Louis felt something different. He felt… alive.
He saw the changeling moving towards him. He was moving pretty slow. He simply moved out of the way as the changeling´s sword slashed down. He stabbed Spit in the back and then in the belly. The changeling howled in pain as all the electrical charge on Louis´ blade passed into him. Louis pulled off his sword and looked at the changeling general.
“What… did you do?” the changeling asked, looking in fear at Louis. Louis looked at his blade. What had he done?
“What do you mean?”
“You… you have lightning inside you… That is not possible…”
Louis was about to say he didn't when he realized he did felt strange. He looked at his hand and almost jumped back.
His veins were shining in a golden tone, and he himself was shining. He felt his hair and it was charged and some of it was standing up. He was confused.
“I…”
The changeling spat some blood and collapsed.
“Long live… queen…” he closed his eyes and stopped breathing.
Around, ponies and changelings had resumed the fight.
Louis was going to keep fighting when he began to feel dizzy.
“What is going on?” he thought. He began to see the world move around and then he blacked out...
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4970284 thank you =)
Another awesome chapter!
4971642 XD
4973807 sure! Let me check...
4973807 where is it?
4977701 Mmm... It doesn't appears. I think I know what's going on...
4977701 sorry, but I can't see it...
4978792 hmmm... =/
( =P )
4979327 what happened?
Want moar moar moar moar moar!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5006602 soon... I'm taking longer because chapter 17 I want it to turn out as best as possible XD
5008566 yay!
can't wait you are a very good author sir!
5008702 wow... Thanks, that's something awesome to hear XD
5009849 silly author you were expecting something else???
5010669 well, it's just that nobody had said that before.
5011185 I AM ANGRY!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE OTHER COMMENTERS NOT SAY THIS?!!!????
well at least I'm the first!!! CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!!!!!
5011730 =) XD
5011989 are the ponies gonna make improved ballistia like the Romans? cause that would be smart
I have a significant story criticism. The swordfight between Louis and the general is impressive and everything (so impressive that ponies and changelings interrupt a desperate fight for their lives just to watch it
), but there's one little problem: I don't see why it should have happened in the first place. The last time we saw Louis's rifle AFAIK, he has slung it on his back to conserve ammunition. I seriously doubt he will encounter many situations more deserving of spending that ammunition than to snipe the enemy general!
Now, I guess you could say that Louis simply forgot he had a gun to use in the heat of the moment, if you don't mind making your protagonist into a fool. (He's supposed to be a trained soldier, after all. Trained to fight using guns.) Alternatively, you could add something like the general being able to sense he is being shot at and block it somehow, or even if he is a super-general with a shield already up that intercepts bullets for some reason. But either way, the general would know Louis was coming for him before he fought his way across the battlefield. Finally, he could lose the gun somehow, but that would make getting it back for later use trickier.
On to the less-story-critical nitpicks!
There is something missing here, but I can't think of what would go with "on". Perhaps something like "normally existed in"? Or even change it to "the camp felt unusually (or "abnormally") down and dark"?
soldiers'
ponies'
where
friends'
it's
"didn't want"
(You seem to still be having this issue that I explained last time—keep working on it!)
"wanted" should be "want"
"One" should be capitalized because it's the start of a sentence.
"not as good...than the rest" should be "not as good...as the rest"
"with sword" should be either [edit: "with swords"], "with a sword", "with the sword", "at swordfighting", or something like that.
"want"
front
...stood??
safety? Or safety pin? I don't know much about grenades or military lingo, but I'd be surprised if "safe" was what anyone called it. I think it's "safety pin" but "safety" is probably fine. But if you have done the research and they call it the "safe", then I stand corrected.
(needs another comma, after exploded)
didn't have
(The same issue as "didn't want")
hard
assess
"a lightning" is wrong. Either "a lightning bolt", or "a bolt of lightning", or "he charged lightning", or "he charged some lightning".
This means that changelings are ponies, because "changelings" is given as a subset of "ponies". (As in, "I have pencils in this drawer, including mechanical pencils". "I have pencils in this drawer, including markers" would be wrong.) If that's what you mean to say, then great. If not, then it should be "as well as changelings" or "along with changelings" or something like that.
have
"another lightning bolt", or "another bolt of lightning", or "this time throwing more lightning".
"not" (not "nor")
"It looked"
"like lightning", or "like a lightning bolt" or "bolt of lightning"
"only it was green", or "only green", not "only that green". Alternatively, "except that it was green" or "but for that it was green".
shone
5012012 you'll see =)
5023519 I'm not going to really go against your criticism, since it obviously has a very valid point which I didn't considered, and I should have. Just to clear the doubts in the though, the General was perfectly capable of stopping the bullet, should have a need to do that. Of course, Louis should have tried =P
And thanks again. I'll check those things and try not to make those mistakes again.
5023774 Oh, I noticed one of my corrections missed the most obvious possible correction (the "sword" one). I've edited that possibility in.
I was honestly expecting an indiana jones moment where the dude shows off a sword and the other just rolls his eyes and shoots him