Chapter 1
“Battle of the Bulge”
The cold mountain wind moved slowly. From the top of the tall pine trees of the region of Ardennes in the western front, to the final year of World War 2. Still, the silence of the prelude to battle covered entirely the region. No animals stirred, the cold snow and freezing air blinded, not letting much be seen. Still, American troops were stationed there. After all, the war had gone now pushed more towards Germany and the Americans were slowly leaving that zone. The commanders of the troops were not expecting anything, at least not at the moment.
The tents of the small camp of soldiers that were defending that part moved with the wind as storm clouds approached; It was not going to be a good weather that day. The commanding officer stood alone, wearing a heavy winter military coat. His dark mustache covered in small frost as was his hair made him look, in a way, more intimidating than what he really was. He overlooked what he could from where he stood. A tent stirred as a private got out of it. He saw the officer and walked over.
“Sir.” He said as he walked beside him. The officer only acknowledged his presence by nodding slightly. “Nasty weather we got coming, no?” The officer smiled.
“Yes.” He said. The private stared around as well, overseeing everything around. It seemed so peaceful and so calm. There was no way the Germans would ever attack them. First, their aerial support would spot them as they approached, and these horrible conditions made it even more difficult to mount an attack. The private smiled at the thought of a nice, calm evening. The officer noticed his smile and shook his head.
“Don´t be fooled by the actual conditions private. War is not as predictable as many think it is. Who knows what the Germans would dare to do, especially now that were getting closer.” As he spoke, the wind began to howl as it became stronger. The officer´s hairs moved slightly as it passed him. The private shivered as he noticed he did not have a big coat on, but rather a small camo jacket. He looked around and shook his head.
“I believe the Germans are just too busy planning their defense they will not attack, and if they do, they will in better conditions.” He walked towards the tents. He hugged himself, trying to keep some heat as he entered into the nice, warm insides of the tent. The officer only glanced at him for a second and then resumed his watch. There was something in the air… something that made his mind uncomfortable.
After being so long in the war, he knew for some reason when things were about to get ugly, but still he knew if there was no proof of it, he couldn't bother his troops. Probably it was just a small concern which would go off in no time. Still…
He was going to turn around when he heard a bumming sound… a sound which only meant one thing.
“Artillery!!!” He shouted. Immediately shouts began to be heard across the camp. Men got out of their tents as more explosions were heard. The officer looked around to see if everyone was doing what was necessary. So far so good. He turned and inspected where the artillery was. The 6th panzer division was in that direction, and there had been recent attacks against it, so it probably was a counterattack. Still, this looked slightly more than a counterattack. He turned to look at the road they were supposed to be protecting. He walked over to a private.
“Private! We need to secure the road. If Germans are coming they will try to pass their tanks through there!” He said shouting over the thundering sound of explosions. The private nodded and ran off towards some other soldiers. The officer turned again at the direction fromm where the artillery was firing from. This could not be good…
Just then, one of the rounds of artillery fell within the camp. The officer covered himself as the deafening explosion sent some tents flying and created a crater in the middle. He quickly stood up and ran towards it.
“Men! Check for wounded!!!” He shouted. Immediately his men were running around.
“Medic!!” Shouted one. Other were helping some which had not been injured badly. The officer stared at the place where the artillery piece had fallen.
“Sir, Edward and Mc´konor are dead. Privates Stephen and Nicholas are wounded.” The officer nodded.
“See that the doctor checks them.” He said. The soldier saluted and ran off. The officer looked back towards where the artillery was coming from.
This could not be good…
* * * *
Finally the shooting stopped and the soldiers greeted with smiles the silence that followed after the last explosion. The officer was less enthusiastic.
“Men! Take position beside the road.” Everyone stopped cheering and went back to their duties. Some carried big machine guns towards the road as others single weapons. The officer cursed under his breath that they had been sent here with such a low number of soldiers. A hundred and fifty one; That wasn't good, considering that if there was indeed a German attack it would be much greater.
He picked his own gun and walked towards the road. In there they had placed a barricade and men prepared. Everyone finally fell silent.
That’s when the snowstorm began.
The officer cursed again and prepared his gun. There would be no air support. He then walked over to the radioman and told him to dial the command post. They only received static. This was absolutely NOT good. He walked over again to the barricade and prepared. Again everything turned silent. After an hour of waiting everyone was tired. They now thought no one was coming.
That´s when they heard the tank.
As a long barrel of a panzer tank suddenly appeared over a small hill where the road passed a man shouted.
“Tank!” Everyone turned stiff. The officer signaled the men that had an anti-tank gun to prepare. That´s when they saw the second tank… then the third. Men began to talk quietly. He knew what they were saying. This stand was hopeless.
Still, it had been their orders to defend that road at all costs, and so at all costs he was going to defend it.
“Men! Take aim!” He shouted. Everyone readied their guns. As soon as German soldiers began appearing over the hill, they began to fire. The Germans, which had been in a line, soon dropped their formations and began to shout as they returned fire.
The officer shoot some times before analyzing the situation. He nodded at the anti-tank guns as they fired. One of the tanks exploded in a hell of fire and smoke. The other two aimed at the barricade. As soon as the officer gave the order of firing again the gun, the two tanks fired. The barricade went flying in pieces. Shouts of men were heard all around as some fell wounded or killed. The doctor ran towards the scene with an escort. The officer looked around. This battle was heavily lost. They were outnumbered by the hundreds. Blame the commanders and their intelligent decisions. Still, he saw that somehow the Germans had fallen into disarray themselves. If he could somehow use that to his own advantage…
The tanks fired again, this time close to the officer. He was sent flying back, and as he landed he felt a sharp pain in the head and everything went black…
* * * *
“Attack!” shouted an officer. The German private prepared his gun to the great battle that would be fought. He saw the Americans ready for them, but they were lesser in number. They were going to win this. He shouted along his comrades as they advanced, shooting at them. He loaded his gun three times as he advanced, as well as his fellow soldiers. He saw some fall at the enemy´s guns, but he also saw the Americans fall. This was going better than he had anticipated. He was loading again when an explosion was heard and he felt everything suddenly turn hot. After that, he felt the soft grass and then no more…
* * * *
His head ached terribly as he opened his eyes. The blinding light of the sun made him need to close them up again. Sun? In the middle of winter? That was new. He also felt heat, extreme heat due to his own winter coat. He opened his eyes and managed to keep them open this time. He sat and took off his jacket. As he did so, he saw his surroundings.
If one thing he was sure was that he was no longer in Ardennes. All around him he saw some trees and a forest nearby, and no snow. He stood up and breathed in and then out. He looked around and saw his rifle a few feet from him. He picked it up and began walking. He remembered his coat but continued moving on. He would not need it here and it would only prove to be a burden.
Then he heard the groan of another person close by. He turned and saw what he didn´t wanted to see: German soldier. He aimed his gun just as the soldier saw him. The German looked at his own rifle, then at the American officer. He moved so fast the officer fired his gun second late, missing by a lot. The German picked his own rifle and pointed it at the officer. Both stared at each other, none firing nor saying a word. Finally the German spoke. His accent was strong, but his English easily understandable.
“Where is this plade?” He asked, making “place” sound strange. The officer shrugged slightly.
“I had hopes you knew.”
Bothe kept on looking at each other. None moved a single muscle. Minutes passed, and still, nothing.
Finally the American groaned. “Look, I can do this all day, but that doesn't mean that I want to. Why don't we just drop this.” He immediately regretted saying that. He had said that at a German?! How low he had placed himself. The German seemed slightly confused.
“Mmm… I… I agreed vith you.” He said, again, making the “with” sound weird. Still, the American didn't cared.
The German soldier lowered his rifle. The American lowered his seconds later.
“Now, I´d like to know where in hell are we.” The officer said. The German nodded.
“Thame here.” He said. The American stopped paying attention to the weird accent he could speak as he wanted.
“Alright. I propose a truce. You don't kill me, I don´t kill you.” The officer said. The German nodded. “Perfect.” He moved his hand towards him.
The German hesitated, but ended up shaking it.
“I´m officer Davis, by the way.” The German nodded.
“My name is Louis.” The German said.
Davis nodded. “Alright, now to see where are…” He stopped as he noticed a… WHATTHEHECKWASHTAT???!!!
Louis also stared in shock at what they were watching, because right there, in front of them, was a pastel colored horse… no, pony. It was smaller than a horse. The creature stared at them the same way. The three didn't said anything.
Finally the… thing… spoke.
“Mmm… I guess you are not from around here…”
"Battle of the Bulge"
Im faving because I like the premise
Such a painfully large number of spelling and Grammar errors in the summary alone, I shudder to think of what the actual story looks like.
4172120 sorry for that. Jeje, I'm still getting better on my English. Aaand also I wrote it today as the idea snapped inside my head soooo... Well, you can guess... Shoot!! I really wrote some pretty bad ones now that I read it.
4172129 Well, I guess it is a great deal more understandable if English isn't you first language. Allow me to assist.
In the title:
Of a German and Amercian Soldiers in Equestria
2 mistakes:
1. Misspelled American
2. The 'a' implies singular while the word 'soldiers' implies plural, you need to pick one.
In the summary:
An American officer and his soldiers where keeping watch on a snowy day in the Ardennes when a German attack commences beginning the “Battle of the Bulge”. As the battle goes on, he is taken out by a tank´s close shot. As he wakes up, he finds that he is no longer in Ardennes anymore.... and soon he learns he is no longer on Earth.
7 mistakes:
1. 'where keeping watch' should be 'were keeping watch'
2. The first sentence is an awkward run on sentence.
3. I'm pretty sure the " " around Battle of the Bulge should be ' '
4. It is generally considered bad form to begin a sentence with 'As' and is even worse to start two in a row that way.
5. 'no longer in Ardennes' should be 'no longer in the Ardennes'
6. You used the word 'he' five times in the last sentence, which is not technically wrong, but rather redundant.
7. The biggest problem is that the summary is rather boring to read, like a grocery list, it needs some spice.
4172216 thanks a lot. I didn't knew about some things you said there. I'll see about it as soon as I can.
Nice to see another ww2 enthusiast writing mlp stories keep it up
4174801 Yes! I made a whole investigation in the Battle of the Bulge in order to make this first chapter It was a little difficult to decide which battle throughout WWII I should use You like WWII history?
4174817 I love the Second World War. I know a bit about the tanks but my real knowledge is in the aircraft of the era
4174828 I´ve been making a lot of personall studies about everything. Aricraft are my favorite part of it right after the battleships I´ve not met any WWII enthusiast in here before
4174845 yeah I really got into tanks after I started playing World of Tanks. But ww2 aviation is my true passion.
4174869 Jajaja, I also did with WoT! Also in WoW about aircraft
4174883 I also play War Thunder for my planes. Very close to getting a Tempest and I am so excited to get it. Tempest is my fav British plane.
4174893 I stopped playing some time ago It got erased from my computer and I still have not reinstalled it. I like a lot the british line, but I somehow go more for the germans and the americans.
4174915 yeah my German and Russian lines are lacking but my Americans almost have the jets.
4174918 Maybe once I install it again we could play someday? I probably lost some practice though...
4174945 ok but my schedule is a little messed up. I have a link to my youtube channel on my page if you want to take a look
4175043 Yes! Of course
4179788 thanks!
4180856 I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible. That means that yes, their weapons are pretty strong and they are trained soldiers, so they stand a good chance against anything Equestria might throw at them.
4181408 Thanks!
4183558 Mmm... I uploaded the next chapter yesterday, but I wasn´t convinced so I took it down. I´m not sure how to give the ide of the next chapter. I´m looking for editors or pre-readers to know opinions about it. Are you interested?
4185102 awesome!!! What do you want to help me with, reading or editing??
4185370 Mmm... with a reading is okay So, should I send you via PM the next chapter?
4185559 Okay! Let me just finish some fixes I´m making it and I´ll send it to you right away. I won´t take me longer than half an hour. Thanks a lot!
but still he knew if there wasn´t any prove of it,
Replace the "prove with proof."
4174828
Me too! Best air war ever!
a Germen, an American, and an Equestrian.
this is going to end well.
I can edit for you!
This first chapter really needed more character development for the two soldiers. I know nothing about them. It makes it so that I can't relate to their situation whatsoever. That being said, the premise is promising. I will continue to read on, for now...
(Also, Louis is a french name)
5655236 The name Louis is a more generalized name not focused completely in one country; Germans do have Louis in their names, though it's not a stereotype name. Is it more common in France? Probably, I don't know
I'm glad you liked the premise and character development grows in next chapters. The prologue is more to introduce them to equestria.
Pretty neat first chapter. Noticed one or two spelling and grammar errors but nothing major. Liked the way how you got the German soldier talking and not having him speak perfect English.
Great premise, and I love me a good WW2 related fic, but quite a few nitpick a about the story itself that I feel would make it better.
1. The main characters have no ranks, why? All we know is that Louis is a infantry man, likely not even an NCO, and that Davis is an officer. Is he a Lieutenant? A captain? Major? General? The vagueness is not good. He seems to be an LT. Though, 150 men under his command and fights on the ground, but I haven't read past this chapter, maybe I'm wrong. It's a good idea to indicate what ranks Louis and Davis are, prior to them meeting.
2. What guns are they using? You just say "he aimed his gun" or "he reloaded his gun three times". With the second one, we can assume Louis has a Kar 98k, because no other rifle can be loaded multiple times without it being pointless, and technically he would only reload once. But the first one, it's too vague, is he using an M1 Carbine? M1 Garand? Thompson? The sentence would read better adding any of those weapons in, alongside with Louis' section. Which is short as sin. "Hey! I'm the German character! Oops I'm dead!" Recommend some more there, maybe a reason he's fighting or thoughts of home, anything really.
3. Lastly, WHAT UNIT IS DAVIS FROM? This could really affect how I see his character, was he Ina mechanized corps? Infantry, or Airborne unit? It's too vague.
Overall, the main problem is that the story is vague, too much is open to interpretation, even how they look isn't set in stone, not even ages are listed. Louis could be a 65 year old WW1 vet serving as a Volksgremadier for all we know. Davis could be wielding anything from a Springfield musket to an M249 SAW with just the term 'gun' being used. And Davis could be part of the 101st Airborne or the 5th Tank corps or the 15th infantry division, we don't know? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but these little things bother me and then multiply as I come across more and more. I suggest going back and fixing all the vague details here and now, so future readers can get a better grip on what the heck is even happening. Hope this helps and have a nice day friend
To be honest i think that is how that would play out because there were many on both sides that didnt really qlwant to fight
I'm guessing English is not your native language?
7667746 That is right. I'm a Spanish speaker and English is my second language.
7667746
bro your pfp