Rough Landing: A Desert Geek's Experience of Equestria

by DrZed

Cleaning up

Roughly five minutes later, Rarity is making a beeline for the Spa, surrounded by her friends including Luna, and dragging me along behind with her magic. And I'm flanked by two guards, A unicorn and a pegasus. The unicorn is carrying my sword in his magic, the filthy shield I grabbed in the mines was left behind.

It's not that I'm unwilling to go, It's that Rarity has such a hate-on for the dirt and grime that got into her fur in the mines that the rest of us are having trouble keeping up. That mare can really move.

I have to thank Luna later for pulling a Princess Prerogative and allowing me to skip the guard's paperwork.

Pinkie is acting like a pink super-ball, bouncing back and forth between me and the group ahead asking me what my favorite kind of cupcakes are, What it's like to have fingers, Why are my hands so freakishly big, Why am I dressed like a hobo, and so on....

I answer, "Bavarian Creme filled Double Chocolate Chip with Fudge icing, or Blueberry Cheesecake with Cream Cheese icing.".... "Pretty neat. They're really useful."... "They just came that way, How would you know if they are freakishly big?" ... "I just crawled out of 2 weeks in a mining prison camp. I bet you'd look just as Bum-tastic if it was you."

Each time she'd giggle and go back to pestering the rest of the girls for a little while.

Passing by other ponies on the way, I got shocked stares, Berry Punch does the 'grab her foal and slam the door shut' thing. It's like some strange creature from another world was.... oh right... That's me.

Anyway, we reach the Spa.

Rarity charges in the entrance, and I clothesline into the top of the door frame. Yeah... I'm 6'4" and Luna has to duck a little to get through the door. Ow, My frigging head...

Not just face pain mind you, I'm flipped feet first through the door and land flat on my back in a breathless, dirty, red-cloaked pile. "OwOOOOFFF."

*gasp*

Fluttershy peeks in the door, eyes wide as I hear Rainbow Dash outside busting a gut laughing.

I groan out after getting back my breath. "Is it night out already? All I can see are stars... So lovely..."

Outside, Luna raises a hoof to refute but blushes and keeps mum.

Rarity turns and looks shocked, "Oh Darling!, I'm so sorry!" I forgot how..." She falters for a moment, "big you are."

From outside a raspy voice gasping in laughter guffaws, "That's what she said!" Thank you Rainbow Dash.... Both Applejack, and Pinkie Pie lose it at that point, joining in the laughter. That's just great girls....

"Just gimme a moment... " I hold my ringing head, "Why don't you get us started?"

Rarity flinches at the thought of all the vicious dirt besmirching her coat. "OH! Of course!"

She steps up to the front desk like she owns the place, considering how she's their absolute best customer it wouldn't surprise me if she held a 49% share in stock. "I need Two Number 7's Stat! One regular and one Princess sized!"

"Mizz Rarity! It is so good to see you! " Aloe (I think, the blue one) replies, "When we heard you were taken, we were terribly worried!"
She taps a clipboard "Normal for you of course, and the other?"

I sit up, head still spinning. "Oy Someone tell Quasimodo to lay off...." I rub the knot on my forehead, this gets any bigger and ponies will confuse me for a unicorn...

Rarity just points at me with a hoof.

Aloe(I think) nods sagely, "Ahh. Mizz Fluttershy? You as well?" She asks of the butter pegasus who's currently checking me for (more) injuries.

Twilight follows, walking in as well, She glances at my new 'horn', grimaces and bamfs(TM) in a rubber water bottle filled with ice.

Fluttershy nods to Aloe(I think) as she clicks her tongue comfortingly taking the ice pack and applying it to my head, I could hug both of the yellow pegasi standing on my lap, they are so damn cute, no wait, that's double vision.

She notices me staring at her a little vacantly, and puts a hoof on my cheek, "Are you ok in there?"

I give my head a shake and my eyes line up again, "I'll tell you later. Thanks, by the way. I'm normally not this accident prone..." I take the ice bag from her.

Fluttershy gives a small grin, "I know, special circumstances." She hops down from my lap and waits for me to get up... Which is a slow process.

Aloe(screw it, the blue ones Aloe to me) watches me stand up, eyes growing wide, "mmm! Not just Princess Sized," She pulls a curtain aside and shouts into the back, "I need a Celeztial Special!" Wow, so the Sun princess has her own tub here, or it's that huge wooden one from the poison joke episode that fits like 5 ponies... Hope she doesn't mind...

I reach my feet, somewhat wobbly and I feel support, looking around me I see a violet aura helping me, "Thanks Twilight..." I give her a little smile.

Twilight gives me a bookish, almost overeager grin, "I cant just let you fall over and injure your head again, I have too many questions to ask!" She bamfs in a notepad and quill... Right.

"Can it wait till my brains are less scrambled?" I grimace a little and tap the ice pack on my noggin.

"Oh! Of course! Later, definitely later..." Twilight interrogation averted... for now.

Rarity moves past the curtain, and I start to follow her, when Aloe raises a hoof to my shin, stopping me. "You can't go back zere like zis."

Rarity comes back out, "Is there something wrong?"

Aloe points me to a changing screen nearby, "Please disrobe over zere"

The Ringing has subsided for the moment, and I can stand on my own. I blink, "Umm, Then I need a towel, a big one, Can you accommodate?"

She smiles, "But of course!" She blinks, "But why?"

"Let's just say I'm not built like your average stallion, Things... are more... out in the open, and that's why I have pants..."

Aloe blushes as she pulls out a large blue towel, and hands it to me.

Rarity and Fluttershy are blushing as well. Twilight... is taking notes...

"Thanks a lot." I hunker down behind the screen and take off my clothes, well, what's left of them. I lay the cloak over the screen, "Could somepony see about getting this washed? It's like my only decent piece of clothing left, and it wouldn't be proper to wander about with nothing on." Finishing that, I dump the rest into a basket nearby and wrap the towel around my waist.

I take a deep breath, "well here goes nothing..."

The rest of the girls, including Luna, have entered while I was disrobing. All eyes, (headmath) 16 of them, are on me as I emerge.

Some gasp, Some stare in disbelief at the scarred lines crisscrossing my work-hardened arms and legs and the old crescent shaped scar on my chest. I am not sure but I think some are lingering on the towel too. Luna, on the other hand, err hoof, looks impressed, being a warrior from way back, I imagine she can tell how much of a beating I have taken, and can take.

I remain still, fists resting on my hips, After about half a minute I grin, "ladies, my eyes are up here." I wink and step through the curtain.

---

It's is nearly impossible to describe the feeling of a hot bath after enduring weeks of hell. It's something you have to experience for yourself to truly appreciate.

After already having practically scrubbed myself to the bone, I was sunk in the deep tub(I was right, it is the one from the Poison joke episode) up to my neck, arms and legs gently drifting under the bubble covered surface. The heat seeped into every muscle, and I was relaxed for the first time since this inter-dimensional trip began. I sighed deeply and rested my head against the side of the tub.

Rarity, soaking in a pony sized tub nearby giggled softly, "Feeling better Darling?"

I smile, "Worlds."

Fluttershy chimes in from the tub next to Rarity, "How's your head?"

I grin, "Still attached, so that's good. I'd say most of the pain is gone."

Fluttershy smiles, "The Twins used an herbal remedy in your bathwater they bought from Zecora, A zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest.

I turn and rest my arms on the rim of the tub, looking at the two, "Remind me to thank Zecora the next time I see her."

Fluttershy smiles and nods,

Luna is nearby, as well, "Cedric? is it?"

I scratch my chin through my absolutely unruly beard, a clean beard, yes, but still way out of control. . "Call me Ced, Your highness." I bow my head to her.

Luna smiles, "In that case, Call me Luna."

I nod gazing at her, "As you wish."

She replies with a soft smile, "Ced, are you aware of how you got here?"

I nod, "Hmm, In a word, No. In a short paragraph, I was driving to an SCA meet, It's a place where my kind dress in old timey outfits and pretend it's a cleaner, less religious extremist and disease ridden version of the age of Chivalry. I was on my way when I ran into this giant dust storm, and the next thing I remember is this little prick of a dog beating me with a stick I later broke over his head."

Rarity oohs, "Ohh your kind, you mean humans, love to dress up?"

I smirk, "Certain portions of the population enjoy making costumes, and meeting with others that do the same or similar, I was going to take part in the War they were holding.

Luna looks surprised, " A war! Humans fight each other?"

I shrug, "All the time, but I'll explain that later, This is more akin to a sporting event, where blunted or padded weapons and padded armor are used in mock combat. Blows are still traded, but it's based on a point system as opposed to bloodshed or death. Two armies, or teams of combatants, form lines, face off and fight. Many do it for the exercise and the thrill. Nowadays, for humans, it's both a lot safer for people in general and more dangerous for them at the same time. We're competetive, and this is one way people work off the tensions of modern living."

Luna has a slightly confused look on her face, "The blade you carry is not dulled or padded."

I nod, "It's also not meant to be used in combat, it's more of a realistic costume piece... Well," I glance to the side, "Not until recently."

Luna nods, "Defending yourself and my ponies. I do not look darkly upon you for using your blade to protect others."

Rarity nods, "Those Dogs were simply dreadful, I am sure I would not have survived if not for you Ced."

I smile, "At your service milady..."

I hear a quill scratching and glance over to a third tub nearby, where Twilight had already burned out one quill and this one was starting to send up a wisp of smoke. "You get all that, Twi?"

Twilight was magic writing as fast as she could. "Yes!"

Luna tilted her head,, "You say it's safer for humans but also more dangerous? what do you mean?"

I nod, "In developed countries, there's general safety, healthcare, and being attacked is rare, Unfortunately there's an inequality, You could say my world is currently ruled by money, whoever has the most, makes the rules. As of last year, about 5% of the people on Earth, my planet, posess over 80 percent of the money. They use it to push their own agendas, it's an ugly situation. They start wars, real ones with killing and all that.... and aside from the wars, it's... difficult because almost everybody who can has to work just in order to survive, It's slavery without chains. I'm almost glad I'm here." I look down.

Luna and the rest look aghast, Even Twilight's quill has stalled.

"It's not all doom and gloom, The average person is generally decent to others, treating them as they would themselves, And it's clear that the money system is starting to collapse and those responsible for the bad parts are being held up to scrutiny. We've made a ton of advancements. Technology is bringing the world closer together, you can talk to almost anyone from almost anywhere on the planet, Medical science has the ability to eliminate disease if it's unleashed. The planet has a.... well for a lack of a better way of putting it, an invisible library stored on millions of computers around the planet that contains the answer to practically every question you could ask of it."

Twilght's mane practically stood on end as she heard that. The quill she was using burst into flame, She quickly dropped it into the bathwater where it expired with a hiss and she bamf'ed another into it's place.

"People are more connected now than they ever have before, and some groups are starting to use that to make great changes. We just have to realize that we need to assert our freedoms before they can take away any more."

Luna, wide eyed, nods, "Thank you Ced."

I grin, "I'm here all week, and for the foreseeable future. And I'm getting pruny...." I look at my hands, "Time to get out."

I turn away from the girls, and stand up while pulling the towel around behind me, and realize I'm facing Pinkie, Dash and AJ, Who were sitting behind me listening "OH!... Hi!" I quickly cover up.

*Sproing* A pair of Cyan wings spread out all of a sudden, and the three mares attempted to change their fur colors to red by the power of their cheeks alone.

Pinkie whispers, "Out in the open....So that's what he meant....."

Author's Note:

I think things are starting to get better, Writing this chapter was easier and hopefully it's got plenty of comedy for everyone as well as a few moments of seriousness

Thanks for reading and say something if you feel like it!
DrZed