Rough Landing: A Desert Geek's Experience of Equestria

by DrZed

Sunny Surprise

Ow. just freaking ow...

The tile floor seemed especially hard this time.

As I begin to recover, I rub my cheek and realize, well so much for the beard. Thankfully my skin's not burned, but I am missing my eyebrows. Further investigation shows that I'm now partially bald in the front, Crap, Maybe I can find a decent hat to cover it till that grows back.

I open my eyes and... spearpoints? I follow them to their sources... a phalanx of guards forming a circle around me.

I put up my hands. "I surrender!"

I look further up and see... Celestia, looking at me with concern, and bright stained glass windows... huh...

I grimace, "I'm not in Ponyville anymore am I?"

Celestia giggles, "Indeed you're not. Cedric" She raises a hoof, "Stand down."

The guards bring up their spears and return to their positions around the throne room.

Celestia floats a hastily scrawled note from Twilight over to me. I note that it's in some form of script I cannot read, "My student says you've been a perfect gentlecolt, good-natured and cooperative even when dealing with some of the discomforts Generosity has put you through. I must thank you for being there for her and helping her escape from the Diamond Dogs. "

I breathe a sigh of relief as I get up. "Whew... " I take another look and see a crowd of haughty looking unicorns eyeing me with various expressions of distaste, some changing to horror as I reach my full height, standing roughly half a head taller than their Solar Princess, only outmatched by the tip of her horn by an inch or so.

I turn back to Celestia, "Glad to be of service your Highness." I bow.

Celestia smiles, "I do apologize for Spike's actions. He is very young and rash still."

I shake my head and smirk, "Quite the introduction. Luna said that you were interested in seeing me, but I wasn't quite expecting it this quickly."

Celestia raises a hoof and covers a snicker. "Luna and the Elements of Harmony are coming here to join you. How can we accommodate you until then?"

I blink, thinking about it, and then my stomach growls like a bear... blushing, I give a weak smile, " What time is it?"

Celestia smirks, "It's late afternoon, perhaps some dinner will put you at ease?"

I can feel my mouth watering already, "Yes please."

Celestia nods, and taps her hoof on the dais, "This session of Day court is closed. If you have further business, Please take it up with Princess Luna during the Night Court or with me tomorrow." She announces.

The unicorns grumble with one or two protesting, but file out of the doors. which are closed by the magic of the unicorn guards posted outside.

Celestia breathes a sigh of relief. "I have to thank you for giving me an excuse to finish early, I'd had it up to here with property line disputes and tax breaks for the nobles" She raises a hoof to the level of her muzzle.

"Heavy is the head that bears the crown milady." I give her a grin, "Shall we perhaps partake of some cake?"

Celestia's face brightens like her proverbial sun, "I like the way you think, Cedric."

"Call me Ced."

"Shall we, then Ced?"

I bow, "Lead the way, milady"

-
The Dining hall:

After Celestia and I are seated, her of course at the head of the table, Unicorn waitstaff appear coming up to the princess.

Before he arrives, I figure it best to get this part of the whole 'human' thing out of the way quickly, "Princess? Forgive my ignorance, but what intelligent species are omnivores?"

Celestia blinks, " Well among ponies there are the Alicorn, Pegasi, Unicorn, and Nocturne. Among other races there are Gryphons and, Minotaur. Dragons, and Diamond Dogs are lithovore as well as omnivore. Are humans omnivores as well?"

"Oh!" *whew* "Yes, as a matter of fact. I just wanted to clear that up before I offend someones sensibilities by requesting meat."

Celestia smiles benignly and nods to the waistaff, "Pepper, What is Chef Ladle's special today?"

Pepper Mill (yes, he had one on his ass.) smiles broadly, "I am pleased to announce that today's special is quite exotic! Cuts of slow roasted chicken, marinaded in a sweet and tangy Neisian sauce, Served over a bed of Vegetable fried rice, with dumplings, and cabbage rolls. We also have egg drop soup, cheesy potato and onion soup, sandwiches and everything else on the regular menu." He magics a menu over to me.

Looking up and down it for a bit, I am grateful they have pictures, cause I cant read this, I have to guess they went with this so that other creatures could just point to what they want as well.

Celestia smiles, "The special sounds delightful" She places her order.

I nod, "One double order of the special, some of the potato soup and when I finish with that I may get more. I haven't had a decent meal in at least a week."

Pepper Mill nods, "Not to be rude, but you look it. Trust me, by the time you leave here you'll be well fed." he smiles, taking the menu back and heading into the kitchen.
_

All I have to say is...

Oh. my. god.

_