Marefriends, Nightmares, and Pranks.
A/N Sorry for this now only getting posted it sat here for a month while the site was giving me grief but were good now. Enjoy
"Dear Sparrow Feather.
It has come to my attention, that you are quite the prospect for our team. The reason for this being that our captain, Spitfire, has ordered that this package be delivered by Friday, the 13th of this month. And if necessary I am to drag you up here by your tail
Sincerely, Soaring Sky.
PS. On a side note she has threatened to make me sleep on the couch if I can't get you up here. So from one guy to another. Help a brother out here man! X{ "
"That's sooooo awesome Scootaloo, your dad is gonna be a Wonderbolt!" The fillies shrieked in excitement, Scoots not far behind.
But I can't be a Wonderbolt! Good pay yes, but the position puts me in the open far more than is excusable, I knew that stunt was pushing it close!
"But I don't want to be a showpony." I said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Scoots asks me, jaw hanging open.
"I don't want to be in the spotlight all the time, papers talking about me, pictures everywhere, not to mention I know next to nothing about airborne acrobatics. I'm simply not made for it!"
"Isn't that what training is for?"
Not helping Sweetie Bell!
"Scoots...How important to you is it that I do this, I thought you wanted Rainbow Dash to become a Wonderbolt?"
"Well... I still do. But you'll do fine till she does!" She answers, Smiling brightly in innocence.
I don't want to but it's not about me this time.
"Then I suppose I can give it a go, but just this once!"
YAY!!! They yelled as they pounced on me, surprisingly it managed to knock me over.
After righting myself and letting the girls climb back up, we continued on our way to Sweetie's house. With the shop in view I picked the pace up to a trot. (Never thought I'd say that!)
"Hey Dad?"
"Yes Scoots?"
"Are you dating Lyra?"
I wish I wasn't Scoots, I really wish I wasn't!
"Not till tomorrow. Why?"
"Are you going to marry her?"
Oh HAY NO! I couldn't imagine if Luna or Celestia finally turned me into manticore chow how that would affect either of you.
"Dad?"
"I don't know Scoots. I haven't even been on the first date yet."
"Rarity says that special somepony catches your eye long before you ever date." Sweetie states with that matter of fact tone.
"he-he. Bet she doesn't think that way anymore!" I said in what I thought was a whisper.
"Guess I'll have to ask her."
OH I am so Screwed!
"Well Sweetie Bell, have a nice night.
Just then the door opened and AJ stepped out into the night.
"Hi AJ."
"Hey Sugar cube, what'd ya keeping the youngins out this late for?"
"We had some party planning to do!" I answered with a mischievous grin.
"Thank ya for the lunch mister Sparrow!"
"Sure thing Apple Bloom! Sleep tightly now you two!" I called as they walked back to the acres.
"I thought I heard you out here Sweetie Bell, Oh my goodness look at that mane we have to fix it all again, go to the bathroom and start a bath!" She said, barking orders to Sweetie Bell.
"Well I'm going to take this one and put her to bed." I announced looking back at the suddenly out cold filly.
"Sparrow I need to speak with you for a moment!" She called out as I began to walk away.
"Yes Rarity?" I asked as I walked back up to her door.
I had just stepped up to the door when her eyes seemed to flash an almost deep maroon color, and a pair of scissors flew out of nowhere and buried themselves in my right shoulder.
"Stay away from my sister, and don't even think about getting clothes from me anymore." She whispered.
I gritted my teeth while she pulled the scissors out of my shoulder, and levitating them to herself, wiped them clean, and disposed of them behind the door.
“Good night Rarity, sleep well.” I said grunting as I struggled to push myself up onto my hind legs.
Holy peanut butter batman! It burns!
She shut the door and I limped over the the treeline morphing back to myself and began patching my arm.
Somethings not right! There is no way she did that of her own accord.
I picked Scootaloo back up, from where I had set her down before morphing, and held her up with my wings. making my walk back through town.
Thankfully no one is out here this late.
I reached the door and put the key in the lock and slid it open.
Man I feel tired all of the sudden.
I hauled Scoots to her room and laid her down gently covering her up with her blanket and walking back toward the Living room.
“Does she truly love you?” An unknown, yet femininely husky voice asks.
Who's there? I asked confused, realizing I was paralyzed in a pose that felt like leaning against the wall.
“Does that petty mare really love you?” The voice asks again sounding closer.
Uhmm. Not likely right now no, she probably wants to know more about humans more than to be my marefriend. Why? I asked still confused why this misplaced voice even cared.
“Because I don’t want some stupid filly getting it on with my host! Bad enough I get your thoughts mixed in with my own.” The voice yells.
You don’t have to worry about that Nightmare! I said as it finally registered to my mind who was talking.
“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t label you the same as every other stallion thats wanted my host to lift tail for them?” She snapped.
Firstly I'm a virgin so that should help,and it's be wrong to think like that, and third you already know my thoughts on that!
“So you aren’t just another average male?”
Not even close
"So do you like staring at my flank"
I can't see it, if you hadn't noticed I'm paralyzed! I snipped sarcastically
“You don’t like my flank?” She asks with a hint of hurt in her voice.
Woman you are going to drive me to madness! I groaned
“Oh I am going to have such fun playing with you!” She states with a short chuckle.
The next few minutes are spent in silence.
I am playing host to you right now, that makes this a form of parasitic relationship, so tell me. Are you well fed? I ask finally managing to get straight to the real question on my mind.
“Well enough.”
Your lying.
“You can tell?” She asks, voice full of doubt.
Yes. though it helps that you reside in my head.
“Oh.”
How do I feed you more?
“What?” she asks taken aback by the question.
How do I make sure you get fed more? I ask slightly edgy.
“I need to be let loose more, feel things, be in the sun, maybe stretch my body a bit if you get my drift?”
I think I can spare all day Wednesday, let you loosen up some. Sound good?
“Wonderful!” She beamed hopping around like Pinkie Pie. Or at least that's what my brain told me.
I'm gonna be here for a bit, so anything you want from your-- ‘new host’ while I’m here?
“Why do you care?” She asks
Because in taking you from Luna I took responsibility for you. Which means making sure you are fed well, clothed, happy, and a roof over your head, as well as good health.
"Why are you being nice to me, why don't you hate me like everyone else?"
Because we share a common trait, which is that by everypony else's standards we are branded abominations. I answered the last part coming out in a whisper as I began to return to consciousness.
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*sees teen/gore tags* meeeh, maybe not.
*sees chapter name insinuating possible trolling* MUST READ NAOW. 
2076523 Yes trolling will be present, and the gore tag is only because their will be large amounts of blood. over the course of the story
2076538 If I said anything to that other than keep reading it would spoil it for you so by all means continue
2076581 Yes, yes he did that is not a mistake.
2076664 the trolling begins here dear brony. It begins here!
2076889 I think I will have to dive into an explanation in a few chapters about what is going on because Jordan does not sleep during these things, it's more like living a second life while your body is in a form of stasis where it reacts to everything in what might be considered a dream. but more elaboration later.
2077278 Oh don't worry he is going to keel over with a sugar coma one day, I just know it. (I hope! MWuhahahaha)
2078714 are you sure about that? If you told her that Daring Do was trying to avoid writing a new book you think she would approve?
Look it up
2085241 never said it was from burger king anyway that was merely your assumption
Ok, I have absolutely no fucking idea what's going on, even when I read closely I still can't figure out what happened to make something happen, like Nightmare suddenly being in his body, also why he suddenly cut connections from the Mane Six and Celestia after Luna almost sent him back.