An Exceptional Discovery On The Nature Of Pony Names

by L Pondera

Research Report 275: Name Correlation Theory

At his desk, Dr. Geiger laid out his papers, and all the data he had, what he was about to do was crucial to the future of science. His short black mane frayed, his light yellow coat marred with sweat and equally frayed as his mane, it looked like he had been in a losing fight. His lab coat lay aside, as he was removing the scrubs he had on underneath. His horn glowing as he struggled to get all his research gathered. What lay ahead was the most important paper he would ever write.

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Report To: Dr. K. Magnetometer at the Fillydelphia Center of Magic Research.

From: Dr. M. Geiger at the Fillydelphia Hospital.

Date: 2/15/1014

Priority: Urgent

Statement:

Dr. Magnetometer, enclosed with this report is all the most recent material on my recent breakthrough. In it are the charts and ONLY copies detailing my breakthrough. I alone know of their contents, and have yet to share ANY information concerning the discovery I made exactly twenty-three hours fourty-two minutes (23:42) ago. It is crucial this information is kept on a Need to Know basis, as it intels surprizing information that may possibly disturb the public, in my concerned opinion.

In the hours leading up to my discovery and breakthrough, I was setting up for my latest series of experiments (as stated in my previous report 274). I was setting up the magic geigers for the subjects in the maternity ward. The routine checks and procedures were conducted three (3) times. And before the first subjest was in, I conducted a final check. With all equipment approved for the test, I can state with full confidence and absolute certainty that my data is exact, with the margin for error at 3.02%.

It was thirty-nine hours thirty-seven minutes (39:37) ago, that the first subject (file enclosed under "Subject: J. Waves") was admitted to the birthing room for the birth of her first foal. It was at 4:21pm 2/13 that she gave birth to a male foal. It was then during the following hour that the parents were deciding on the name of the foal. It was at exactly this time, that the magic geigers alerted me to a sudden surge of magic. In a span of 0.042 seconds, a magical surge was detected, unfortunatly, the brevity of the surge meant the geigers couldn't register the precise range of magic spectrum nor the height of the magic peak. Although the subject in question was a unicorn, the origin of the surge was detected from the brain (again, the surge was too brief to determine a more precise location, though later data would suggest it starts in the front of the cerebral cortex and moves to the back) not her horn. It was immediatly after that she announced the decided name for the foal (listed in file).

At the time, I couldn't make any conclusions aside from examining possible errors. Along with that, I marked the data as a one time event. And began the second test with subject two (file enclosed under "Subject: W. Tracks"), an earth pony mare admitted to the ward thirty-four hours twenty-two minutes (34:22) ago, for her second foal. Once more, after the foal was born, it was time to name the new female, and once more the geigers picked up the exact, I repeat, exact, surge of magical energy. I once more conducted my examination of the equipment, and found no signs of error. Taking into account that this was an earth pony, the surge certainly got my attention, along with the repeat of span at 0.042 seconds.

Before I could further examine the data, I had to rush for the third subject (file under "Subject: L. Oil") admitted to the ward at thirty-two hours fourty-one minutes (32:41) ago. She was most nervous when I moved the geigers into position. The third subject was also an earth pony, and when after the foal was born, and it was given to its mother to be named, the surge was once more recorded, with the same span, its peak and spectrum were once more unknown. With this third instance, I gathered the data into a thesis statement and began to review it. Looking carefully at the repeated results seeing if I could spot anything in the spectral and peak data. Unfortunatly, at the time I could not.

With the forth subject being admitted (File under "Subject: T. Struck"), I decided to do a direct test of the surge, and with the data, I was able to determine the time in which the surge would take place, and how long it would last. I waited until the young female foal was placed in its mothers waiting hooves before using my magic to directly examine the pegasus mother mind as the expected surge came. It was at twenty-eight hours fifteen minutes (28:15) that I was able to examine the surge. I uncovered that the spectrum of the magic was actually limited, and its peak was incredibly high (listed in data). It was actually very difficult to pin anything at the time, as the energy had a sort of, and for lack of better words, forbidden sensation about it.

Taking this into account for the fifth subject (file under "Subject: G. Oaks"), I once more conducted a direct test using my own magic to once more examine the surge. In the exact same manner as the previous four. It was twenty-three hours fourty-two minutes (23:42) ago, and with a second look at the surge (thankfully through a unicorns mind) I was able to get better results. Though the odd feeling of forbidden still lingering, I was able to read the magic, however I couldn't quite find a familiar spell to associate it with.

After three more test (files under "Subject: B. Shake, Subject: V. Remedy, and Subject: O. Twist"), I was able to confirm this. The repeated results and lack of variation in data has given me an answer to the question that has plagued me since I got my cutie mark. What I learned is intelled as follows:

1. When naming a foal, there is an unexplained surge of time magic.
2. The nature of this magic is of some kind of foresight, as best as I can pin.
3. Based on this, I was able to determine that with an instantaneous look into the future, and with the surge moving into the sub-conscious regions of the brain, an imprint of some of that foresight is left.
4. From this forsight, a name is formed out of the sub-conscious memory.
5. This process ends up feeling inspired, rather than known due to the speed and parts of the mind it occure's in.
6. The beginning of this surge starts immediatly after the foal is born, and as such, its relation is directly associated with the foal itself.
7. From these observations, I can safely theorize that the foresight is of the foals future self, as some sort of example of its talent(s).

It is from these facts I draw that the birth of a foal itself has some sort of magical property, related to the cutie mark itself. The ability to thus foresee the future of a foals life. To know their potential and their natural abilities. Is understood, in direct relation to their very birth and name. Their identity is able to be understood. In theory at least. I was so amazed by this realization, a true revelation, the biggest breakthrough in my entire career! I spent the last four hours prior to this report going over the results again and again. Reaching the same conclusions. I only wish I had a zebra to examine to further this.

However, even as I write this report, I see some moral dilemmas. How this information could be used to abuse the rights of ponies, how knowing this information could affect a ponies future, possibly denying them their rightful cutie mark. Maybe, it could alter their potential cutie mark? Suddenly, it became clear that my discovery had great potential, not all of it good. And with every possible aspect I was able to examine in the time I had, I deemed my research complete. I found the answer to this most plaguing question. And am satisfied with it.

I also deemed the answer as unsafe for release. I might be insane, I might be of un-sound mind, but I am certain no less about what I must do. The only thing I can safely say, is that I have concluded through my research, that there is a magic at work that is beyond my ability to explain. It works in such a way, that it is unnoticed, and for good reason, its of such a complex purpose, that only sheer coincidence and every last ounce of my abilty were needed to even find it (not to mention the ridiculously large amount of paper work it took to conduct this test).

At this point, I know my letter of resignation is arriving on your desk, and you are at a complete loss. I am so sorry, but this information is too much for me to continue with my work. I learned what I wanted, and more. I learned I was paranoid, and that my work has reached its end. I also learned that no pony, nor zebra or gryphon, need concern itself with the means which life conducts itself, as there is a harmony beyond concern or (easy) perception. I beleive I will go into the employment of private businesses, or retire to the field of education. I havent decided. This doesnt matter, I'll just be burning this report anyway.

In conclusion of my seemingly endless dribble, I decided that I was satisfied, and that the research I was conducting lead nowhere worth further investigation, as it would be irresponsible of any scientist to conduct research into a field whos balance is so fragile, with the cost of failure and mistakes being a ponies very identity. Again, I state that I may not be of sound mind, but that my ideaology doesnt agree with the potential risk. And so, I destroy my discovery, and make it so that no being might use it for evil, or in using it for good, cause any harm.

Signed, Dr. Magic Geiger
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And with that, the pile of documents were collected, bound, and taken out back, were the unicorn scientist burned them all in a neat pile. Destroying his greatest achievement, as he found it was unsafe to expose his findings to the rest of the world. Not sure if it was because the discovery was really a threat, or because he wanted to be free of any blame or guilt should it end up being such. In this silence, he took solace in his choice, the fire dancing in his determined beige eyes. And though the ponies of Equestria would never know any of this, he still felt he accomplished his lifes work.

Back at the desk of Dr. Magnetometer, the Dr. was sitting down, mouth agape. What he had just read confused him. It was a letter of resignation, not from an unhappy intern, but from one of his most devoted scientist, and one of the top researchers of magic detection. All it told him was that Geiger had finished his research and that he was leaving to pursue personal interest, leaving the equipment to be gathered at the hospital. The lack of mention as to what he learned, and that he had infact, left any documents behind, was enough for Magnetometer to conclude that Geiger was either unhappy with the answer or simply decided to withhold it. Possibly to sell to the highest bidder. It wasnt welcome news, but Magnetometer knew, or at least thought he did, Dr. Magic Geiger well enough to say for certain that there was good reason.

Though he would still have to call in this turn of events, and he truely pitied Geiger. But, you dont use a government grant for research then vanish with it, not without paying the price. So with a letter to the Royal Treasury, he did what he had to do.

At the desk there sat a bored light blue mare, her only job to look pretty and take calls for her boss. Being the secretary of the head of the Collections Department meant she was only bothered when someone had gotten in real deep with the treasury. Her boss was a stallion of ice and doom, whose mere presence could chill a pony to their core. And with this letter arriving, it meant one pitiful pony was about to be hunted down and made to pay what they owed. Truly she felt a pang of pity for the poor soul, but it was soon replaced by a feeling of woe. She now had to give this letter to Mr. Pewter.

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

An actual story on nominative determinism! Sign me up for the duration.