An Exceptional Discovery On The Nature Of Pony Names

by L Pondera

Exodus Of A Scientist

Ah, he had forgotten one very, very, very important detail. He owed the royal treasury a LOT of money. He had forgotten from the excitement of his discovery, and the only thing that reminded him was the very angry looking royal guard who was now trotting behind the runaway scientist. The fact he didn't even have to gallop was embarrassing enough, but to make things worse, Geiger was now very lost.

"You're only embarrassing yourself Doctor." The guard said from behind him, his tone simular to an embarrassed father trying to convince his foal not to do something silly in public.

"Well, I would love to..." *gasp for breath* "But, I really, really, dont want to go to the dungeons!" Geiger managed to shout back as he took a forth right turn, ending up where he started for the third time.

"You know we're only going in circles right?" The guard said as he barely avoided yawning.

"I'm a magic scientist, not a geologist!" Geiger retorted as he decided to take a left this time.

That was a bad idea. How bad? Well, besides being a dead end alley, there was also a trio of earth ponies and a pegasus there, and they looked very unhappy to have been interupted. Particularly the Celestia sized earth pony who just sprouted equally massive wings, and using them, created a powerful gust blowing Geiger clean over the guard's head. This would have been good, except for the fact that Geiger was now in the path of what he considered to be "An angry wagon full of pears". With a roll Daring Doo would have been proud of, he managed to evade the wagon. Though he would have loved to savor the moment, the now irritated guard was charging up to him, clearly not impressed with his moves.

"Um... Whats that over there!?" Geiger said as he pointed a hoof down the road.

"You aren't done embarrassing yourself yet I see!" The guard said just before he got rammed by an alarmed stallion pulling another wagon.

"I tried to warn you." Geiger said as he smirked to himself.

He was once more, trying to savor the moment, however the alley ponies were now eyeing him.

"You look pretty lost there colt." Said the Celestia sized earth pony, or was he a pegasus?

There was no time to think about it the oddity with fanged teeth and bat like ears, as the ponies began to inch closer and closer to him. And since he was pretty sure the guard was getting his barings back, it was clear he should flee. And so Geiger galloped as hard as he could from the scene, hoping he could make up for his lack of speed and endurance if he got a head start. He ran back towards the hospital, or at least where he thought it was, in hopes of getting back on the right street. He had to leave Fillydelphia, that much was clear.

Lucky for him, he found himself across the street from the hospice, which he knew was three blocks south of the hospital, and actually closer to the train station AND the skyship docks. Multiple options certainly sounded good to him. And judging by the lone guard they sent after him, they hadn't expected him to even run. This underestimation certainly gave him the oppertunity any other refugee from the law would have given their left hooves for. Not wanting to waste time congradulating himself, he took off for the train station first.

Ditching the lab coat, and buying a ticket, Geiger did his best to not look suspicious, which should have been easy considering there wasn't a flock of guards on the lookout for him. There wasn't even a hushed whisper about any criminal activity at all, not one thing even remotely tense about the situation. Yet, there he was, acting like a young colt trying to ask his crush out on a date. The ticket mare wasn't sure if he was shy, or simply terrified of trains, all she could do was flash a nice smile and hope the unicorn stallion before her didn't pass out. When, thankfully, he didn't she let out a sigh and called for the next in line. He couldn't have been more suspicious if he wore a black raincoat sunglasses and a black fedora, all while flipping a coin in the alley.

"Gah, those alley ponies... That big one looked ready to eat me, and I think that pegasus said something along the lines of a unicorn slur." Geiger thought to himself as he squeezed himself into the corner of his seat at the front of the passenger car.

Not content to relax until Filleydelphia was miles behind him. As time passed, he began to worry that the guard had alerted the treasury department of his failure, and that Celestia herself was sitting there, in her underground lair surrounded by gold and jewels, petting a fluffy white cat menacingly as she plotted his capture. As funny as the mental image was, especially when he added an eye patch, it wasn't enough to keep him from flinching at every loud noise. When the train finally began moving, he shook off the idea that he was doomed, and began to relax, checking back as the station began to shrink. Once Fillydelphia itself was in the distance, he melted out of his chair onto the floor, and started laughing. He was home free! He had beaten them, and now he could slip into the shadows and take on his next challenge.

Unknown to Geiger however, was that he was being watched. At the back of the passenger car, was a very serious looking unicorn mare, a mare who worked for none other than the treasury. And she was most unamused with the display this thieving scientist was putting on. Laughing at the treasury, the guard, and by association, her. How happy she was to get out of her seat, and trot up next to him, to smile sweetly as she puffed out her chest, letting the light reflect off her treasury broach. If he could have looked more horrified, more destroyed in that moment, she was sure he would have died on the spot.

"Hello Doctor Geiger, I'm Miss Scribe, from the Treasury Department. I understand that you owe us a handsome research grant and or documents, particularly those on your most recent discovery. You do understand how serious this issue is don't you?" She said, her tone proud and smug, as she brought the hammer of justice down on this fiend.

"Well, lets just say, hypotheticly, that I didnt have my research anymore, that I, and this is still hypothetical, got rid of it. What would happen?" Geiger avoided her gaze as he tapped his forehooves nervously.

"Well, hypothetically, you would be thrown into a dungeon for the next thirty or so years, or possibly and more likely, and this is still just hypothetical here, be sent to the Ministry of Science, where you'll spend the rest of your days as a science experiment slash practice dummy." Scribe said, enjoying every second of the moment.

"Ahh, well I see. Well, what would you say if I told you I had the research, but I kinda sorta destroyed it all..." Geiger said trailing off as he grew pale.

"Hypothetically right?" Scribe said, her voice sweet and innocent, as she gave the least threatening smile she had.

"Yeah, hypothetically..." Geiger said, relaxing as he looked at her smile, letting it trick him.

"Well, I would have to say." She leaned in and whispered; "That you're doomed. That you'll never see the light of day again, and if you do, it would only be to remind you that you're never going to see it again. No, you'll be locked up, and you'll tell us everything you know, and you'll give us your research. And if you don't, we'll strap you down, and rip it out of your skull. Until we get every last drop out of you." She smiled more as she poked his nose with her right forehoof, straightening out and taking a step back.

Having been fooled by her unthreatening voice and smile, Geiger could only shrink into a little ball as each word quietly sunk in. His face frozen in horror.

"Gotta love these hypotheticals. He, he he." Geiger said as he gave yet another least convincing smile of his life and got back into his seat.

That mare was enjoying herself so much, it had to be a sin. And he was so screwed. They could have stuck a screwdriver in the top of his head and turned him. No doubt, at the next stop, there would be guards galore waiting for him. They were going to chop off his horn, and tie him up, then lock him away for all eternity. Well, at least he had some fun right? Got to be part of an exciting chase through town. It wasn't like he was going to be able to...

"Aren't you going to, I dont know, arrest me? Tie me up or something?" Geiger asked Scribe.

"What? No of course not. I'm just here to tell you about the situation, and see if you'll go willingly. I have no authority at this time to arrest you. And why would I? Thats what the guard is for." Scribe said, looking a bit offended. After all, who did he think she was? Some ruffian in the guard?

"Ahuh... Well then, goodbye Miss Scribe, I would love to stay, but you're absolutly terrifying!" Geiger got up and shook her hoof before running to the back of the train.

Leaving behind the surprised Scribe as he flung open the car door with his magic. Once he made it to the rear of the train, he stared out at the fast moving ground below. It worked in the movies right? He took a deep breath and leapt off the edge of the train. He expected it to hurt, but not this bad. Right away, his world exploded into pain as he bounced off the ground and rolled to a stop in a grass filled ditch.

"AHHH! CRAB APPLES ON FIRE ON A BLISTERING SUNDAY!" Geiger shouted as he layed there, certain he had broken everything. "This is the last time I let movies lie to me!"

From the rear of the train, Scribe watched as the scientist squirmed in a ditch. Not impressed in the least, although she was amused. He certainly deserved it. But now that she was alone, she could finally squee like a little filly.

"That had to be the most exhilarating thing in my life ever! Sweet sun I love doing this. Thats it, I'm transferring to the Collections Department for sure!" Scribe said as she got back to her seat.

Though come to think of it, she really didn't want to be part of collections. Knowing them, she would be made a collector, one of the most feared non-military units in Equestria. She prefered riding a desk, only because it kept her hooves dry when it rained. She longed to be out and about, but in the past, it meant something else to send her out and about. She didn't want her future anchored by her past anymore than Discord wanted to be turned to stone.

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

Oh, and it's "hypothetically." There's even a song about it.

[L Pondera]

3956849

Thanks to me just typing it all on FimFiction, rather than using a mircrosoft word document or something. I actually started this story as just the first chapter, but since it lacked dialog, had to get creative. So, on the spot, came up with making the whole thing an actual story. As such, I neglected to use something with a spell check.

So yeah, I suddenly have a story to write, and its all thanks to failing the first submission!

[Dusty Sage]

3956983
Sometimes failure is its own reward. I do my stuff in WordPress and port it over here, and some things always fall out.

[hailetheking]

Characters are colorful and the plot is pretty okay. If you had polished out the grammatical errors this would be great! I suggest finding an editor!

[Stainless Steel Fox]

Okay, the idea that scientific proof of nominative determinism might be open to abuse? Okay, I can get behind that.

Pity everything after that has been stupid. Admittedly, I didn't see the Random tag, so it's my own fault for reading. No-one considers that the only reason a dedicated researcher would destroy his work and bolt like this was if he found out something that scared him, something dangerous?

No, they just chase after him to either collect on his research grant or rip the knowledge from his brain. Yeah, I can so see that happening in Equestria. Even if the mare was indulging in hyperbole, it is still amazing that the only thing anyone cares about is the money.

Of all the directions you could have taken this idea, this is, if not the most disappointing, at least not a very interesting one.