Six Standard Deviations from the Mean

by ArtichokeLust

Events will happen while you slumber

Discord snapped his fingers. Both he and Twilight appeared in the hallway outside of the scanning room.

"Hello again," Discord waved.

Twilight walked in beside him, silent.

"Oh, don't be so shy Twilight," he smirked, "these are your friends!"

Twilight couldn't help but smile. These were definitely her friends. She remembered the feeling when Discord put that love magic back inside her. If she ever knew how important her friends were to her, she knew it now.

"I'm back," she announced.

Discord rolled his eyes in disappointment.

"Welcome to the hospital!" Pinkie stood on her hind legs and threw open her fore-hooves in greeting.

"If you don't mind me asking," Rarity started, "Where did..." --'that brute'-- "Where did Discord take you?"

Twilight massaged her chin in thought, "I think I was in a library"

"You think you were in a library?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well," Twilight scrunched her face, "the place was filled with shelves and books, but it wasn't like any library I've ever been in."

Everypony looked at Discord. He just shrugged.

"And what did you do in this... library?" Rarity asked.

Twilight cringed and looked away, "Discord taught me the error of my ways."

Everypony looked surprised.

"Discord taught you a friendship lesson?" Pinkie said what was on everyponies mind.

Twilight nodded, then walked over to Clair. Everypony followed. They waited for Twilight to continue her story, but she never continued.

"...I do hope she'll be okay," Rarity said as she gently touched Clair's fabric and looked over at the heart on her chest. It was still blue, but now instead of a single band-aid, the heart was covered in as many casts and bandages as she was. "I'm really curious what this material is. It's so pliable, and she can change the design so quickly!"

Everypony except Twilight looked at her.

"What?" Rarity looked at everypony, "I care about more than just her clothes."

...

Twilight looked at Clair. She looked so peaceful... And by the sounds of it, all of her friends were on Clair's side now. She must have been a master manipulator.

Twilight's eyes widened in realization. Clair must have planned everything out before hand! That's why she hugged Applejack! She was trying too hard to please everyone, and when she hit her head, she started acting overly, unbelievably friendly!

Twilight smirked, 'Two can play at that game...'

She looked away from the table, and walked over to Rainbow Dash.

'You're in for a nice surprise when you wake up, Clair.'

"Oh," the doctor spoke to Rainbow Dash, "You're free to go."

---

"And now for today's history lesson, we have a guest lecturer..." Cheerilee gestured to the side while walking backwards, leading in, "Twilight Sparkle!"

The fillies looked at each other and shrugged. They weren't sure if Twilight would give an interesting lesson or go into something overly complex. But no matter what they thought, they didn't have a choice. Twilight was already trotting her way in.

"Remember," Cheerilee said, "Twilight requested an interactive lecture, so comments are encouraged."

Looking at all of the rowdy fillies, Twilight was glad she practiced the lecture so many times with Spike.

"Hello fillies and colts," Twilight said cheerily as she stood behind the podium, "Today I'm going to tell you about humans."

Cheerilee cringed. Twilight didn't notice.

"Did you know there's actually a human staying in Ponyville, being treated at Ponyville hospital right now?"

"Really?" Sweetie Belle brightened in curiosity.

"Can I see it?" Apple Bloom pushed herself up with her fore-hooves.

"I'm sorry," Twilight laughed whimsically, "But I don't think the doctors would like that."

"Aww..." The fillies said in unison.

"Well," Twilight shrugged, "You will be able to see her one she's healed, so just have some patience."

The fillies shrugged. They would have to remember that.

"But doesn't that strike any of you as strange?" Twilight asked.

The fillies all tilted their heads different ways.

"You see," Twilight led in, "Just until three days ago, there was a law stating that humans were to be killed on sight."

The class gasped.

"That's absurd!" Apple Bloom yelled out, "You can't just kill something because of what it is!"

"I think many bacteriologists would disagree with you there," Twilight countered. "There are several species whose sole way of living is by harming, or even killing others."

"No!" Sweetie Belle shouted, "You're comparing mammals to bacteria! That's reductio ad absurdum if I ever heard it!"

Everypony stared at Sweetie Belle in surprise.

Twilight stared at Sweetie Belle, baffled. "reductio ad absurdum is a way of proving a statement is true by showing that it would be absurd if it were false," Twilight explained, "I don't think it means what you think it means."

"Oh," Sweetie Belle crumpled. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon laughed.

"I get what she was saying though," Apple Bloom quickly interrupted the laughter, "Bacteria and..." Apple Bloom fished for words, "Humans, are completely different! It's like comparing apples and oranges."

Twilight looked at Apple Bloom, after a moment of contemplation, she shrugged, "Well, you're correct that humans and bacteria are completely different," Twilight pulled a map out of her saddlebag and laid it on the table, "Humans are much worse." She pulled several pieces out of her bag and laid them on the map, organizing the ponies in pony towns, and humans in the wilderness.

"What's that?" Apple Bloom asked.

"This," Twilight said, "is what Equestria looked like before 756 A.C." She pushed a pony chess piece forward, "Now, who wants to play the ponies."

Only a few fillies raised their hands.

"I'll be playing the humans," Twilight clarified.

Most of the class aww'd. The CMC, Diamon Tiara, Silver Spoon, and a few others raised their hooves.

"Okay," Twilight said, "come up here and choose any upgrade you want."

Twilight concentrated her magic and produced a large hologram of the map above the class for everyone to see.

...

"This isn't fair!" Apple Bloom threw her pieces on the floor after she was defeated, "You started attacking the weakest of us, then added their strength to yours! And you attacked first! There's no way we could beat you after that!"

"Well," Twilight smirked, "there is one way..."

"How?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Just like how I can gain power from defeating enemies, you can gain even more power by allying yourself with other players."

"We can do that?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I never said you couldn't," Twilight smiled.

"But you made it seem like we couldn't," Apple Bloom complained.

"Yeah!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle chipped in.

Twilight nodded, smirking. "That's because the ponies back then had the same assumptions."

"...Huh," Apple Bloom ruminated on the information.

...

"We defeated the humans!" Sweetie Belle and Button Mash high-hooved.

"And we couldn't have done it without your help," Sweetie Belle ran to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo for a group hug.

Twilight smiled wistfully, "Yes," She said, "you did it."

She ended the hologram.

"And the humans were banished to Tartarus for their crimes," Twilight concluded.

"All the battles together lasted from 756 A.C. to 758 A.C. and no pony knows where the humans came from," Twilight summarized, "But," She lowered her head ominously, "All those player who were defeated? Those towns which were ransacked?" She led in.

The class leaned in.

"Those were real ponies," She stared intensely at the class. "Imagine if something like that happened to Ponyville--"

"WELL," Cheerilee interrupted, "I think that concludes today's history lesson."

The class aww'd in disappointment.

"You wouldn't want to miss recess now, would you?" Cheerilee practically shoved the foals outside.

Twilight looked at her, confused, "Why did you stop--"

Cheerilee glared at Twilight as she slowly walked towards her "I've said the same thing to Mayor Mare, and now I'm saying it to you! You are NOT allowed to use the children in this classroom to further your political ideals! If you want to make a political speech, go to the town hall!"

"But how is it--?" Twilight started.

"How is it a political speech?" Cheerilee offered.

Twilight nodded.

"'Did you know there's actually a human staying in Ponyville" Cheerilee mimicked, "'Imagine if something like that happened to Ponyville'"

Twilight gulped.

"...I'll give you another chance," Cheerilee sighed. After all, Twilight was a very well-read pony, "You've obviously got some good ideas for teaching, and you know your history, but next time don't make it so my foals want to attack your enemies." She poked Twilight with her hoof.

Twilight nodded and walked out of the room.

...

Twilight closed the door to the library behind her, her legs were shaking with both fear and a peculiar thrill.

"So, how'd it go?" Spike asked.

"Really well actually," Twilight smiled.

Spike raised an eyebrow at her, looking at her shaking legs, then her, then back.

Twilight frowned, "I got scolded for having an overly political speech."

"well," Spike folded his arms, "I said I'd say I told you so, so: I told you so," He smirked.

"Very funny Spike," Twilight frowned and walked up into her room. She felt tired now... Yet she only did a few things that day!

In the center of her room was a large map of Ponyville with pony figures scattered all over it. Twilight crossed off the school, smiling in smug satisfaction.

---

"For today's history lesson, we have another guest lecturer..." Cheerilee led in, a little more cautiously this time, "Lyra Heartstrings!"

The entire class clapped, remembering their last guest lecturer.

"Hello kids," Lyra greeted in the same cheery tone, "this lesson is also about humans."

Cheerilee didn't cringe this time; after the last lecture she decided to clear the entire lesson before allowing it to be taught, instead of just a summary.

Lyra took a large book out of her saddle bag and slammed it on the table. A fine layer of dust flew outward, making the first row of students cough.

Lyra opened it to the middle, then flipped around some.

"Hench forth," Lyra spoke in a dramatic tone, "It shall be known by all that humans were the ones who graced us with the gifts we needed to survive. Without their sacrifice, Griffon kind would be no more!"

Lyra closed the book, "...You see," she said, "not long after the 'evil humans' came in. A group of humans calling themselves 'Romans' came and gave some of their technology to the griffons, right in the middle of a large famine. Without that help, Griffons might not exist today."

"Does anypony remember the Griffon team from the Equestria games?" A few foals nodded. "Without humans, that team would never have been born."

The class stared at her.

"This lesson isn't nearly as fun as Twilight's lesson," Diamond Tiara harrumphed.

"Oh?" Lyra smirked, "But I was just about to get to the fun and games."

"Here," Lyra levitated several pendants out of her saddle bag, "These pendants are based off of the same magic Luna and Celestia use to disguise their guards."

Each foal took a pendant and donned it. When they wore it, their head either turned yellow, green, blue, or rarely, red, while the rest of their body always turned white. Lyra pulled out a large board with several knobs on it, each knob controlling a different pendant.

What the foals didn't know was that the pendants would also change their voice, making them sound kind, calm, or just mean.

"There's only one rule," Lyra almost shouted to get everypony's attention away from the pendants and back to her "You are not allowed to tell another pony what color they are."

Lyra took out an old camera and started recording.

"Well," Lyra started, "What did everyone think about the yellow ponies?"

The class shrugged, "They were nice," one colt said.

"The green ones?" She asked.

"Those guys were awesome!" Scootaloo shouted.

"Blue?" Lyra asked.

The class shrugged noncommittally.

"And what about red?" Lyra smirked.

The class broke out into random shouts of incoherent rage and displeasure.

"I just couldn't stand 'em!" Apple Bloom shouted.

"Whoever you chose for the red team," Diamond Tiara huffed, "were some of the worst ponies I've ever met."

"Really?" Lyra smirked.

"Ahuh!" The entire class agreed. Even the CMC reluctantly agreed.

"Because you were all red at one point in time." If Lyra could smirk any harder, her mouth would be beside her eyes.

The entire class looked at each other in confusion.

"Let me show you," Lyra turned on the video. In the front of the room, there was Lyra playing with the knob machine behind the podium. Whenever she turned a knob, some foal would change from one color to another while no pony was looking. Whenever somepony was about to run into a red pony, they turned red too. Almost never did a red pony meet another color.

The class gaped at the projection.

"Now," Lyra turned off the projector and levitated all the pendants back to her, "I hope you've learned not to judge any pony--or any creature--by their race, or color."

Lyra left the classroom with a smug grin on her face.

"And that concludes today's... history lesson," Cheerilee said. She followed after Lyra, "Actually," She said, "That may have been a bit short."

"Can I borrow that book?" Cheerilee asked Lyra.

"Sure," Lyra levitated the book to Cheerilee, "Just make sure to bring it back." She smiled.

---

Twilight woke up early in the morning and looked at the large map strewn on the table in the middle of her room. Today, she would remind all of Ponyville about humans.

She yawned, walked downstairs, had some coffee and breakfast with Spike, and left to practice in Ponyville hall.

Twilight took out all the notes and books she had on humans and laid them neatly in a pile around her. She turned to Spike, the only one in the audience.

"So," Spike began. Then he cleared his throat and tried to talk in a deeper voice, "I hear you want to tell us about 'humans'."

"Hahahahaha..." a short burst of feminine laughter came out of nowhere. Twilight and Spike looked around frantically.

Lyra clopped her hooves together in applause, alerting Twilight and Spike to her location. "I thought I'd find you here," she said.

"Why's that?" Twilight tilted her head, "I didn't tell anypony I'd be practicing here."

"No," Lyra shook her head, "nopony told me, I just thought you'd be here. Or at least, this is one of the places you'd probably be."

Now Twilight was even more confused.

Lyra got up and walked towards the stage, "I heard you were the one who tried to get the foals of Ponyville to fear and hate humans."

"Yeah?" Twilight said.

"Well," Lyra bit her lip, "I thought you were all about friendship. Fear and hate is more Discord's shtick."

Lyra hopped up on stage.

"What are you saying?" Twilight asked her.

Lyra sighed, "Twilight, I know this is personal to you, but I don't think you should alienate your friends--and everyone else in ponyville," Lyra waved an arm about the audience seating, "--just so you can fight Celestia's battles." She laid her fore-hoof on Twilight's back.

Twilight shrugged off the hoof, "I'm fighting my own battles. Humans are evil!"

Lyra glared, "I bet the one in the hospital is glad you trying to convince everypony of that while they're unconscious!"

"Clair has been manipulating us from the start!" Twilight stomped, "She plays ponies like pawns and expects nopony to notice!"

"Oh," Lyra tilted her head, "and how does she do that?"

"She convinces everypony to like her-- to side with her!" Twilight almost screamed.

"Like you do with your friends?" Lyra asked.

Twilight glared, "I don't manipulate my friends."

"Yes," Lyra nodded, "but you do want them to like you."

Twilight glared back, but only saw a compassionate face.

"If you go up on stage today, you'll be going against me." Lyra glared back, then softened her expression once more, "Call off the meeting, and I'll call off mine too. We'll both tell everypony that we caught small cold, and have to spend the day at home."

Twilight looked to Spike for reassurance. Spike shrugged, held out his arms, and started walking home. Twilight sighed.

"Why do you want to protect Clair?" Twilight asked. "You never even met her."

"I want to meet her," Lyra said.

Twilight looked at Lyra. No, she wasn't ready to take on anypony who had likely prepared as much as her, especially not with Spike leaving.

Twilight sighed, "fine." 'But just because I have to avoid you doesn't mean I can't win against Clair.'

---

Clair woke up in the hospital, but kept her eyes closed. She had some planning to do...

Author's Note:

Suddenly, politics!

Comments

[hs0003]

Twilight Sparkle and Discord swapped roles, better hoof over that element now Sparkle.

[FlyingEagle93]

Twilight, stop what you're doing and think. Lyra is right and so is Discord. If you continue to do this, you'll have nothing left

[Sorrowfulwinds]

3969341
Meh wasn't unexpected, there were multiple times in the show where one or another element really acted out of character.

[Changeling-Drone]

3969475 cough mare do well cough

[Changeling-Drone]

I'm glad you have Lyra being smart about this and I loved her lesson

[ArtichokeLust]

3969341

It doesn't seem too OOC, does it?

I wasn't trying to make Discord good, just overly protective of Fluttershy; he doesn't want her innocence/kindness destroyed.

Twilight did kind of swap roles though. She did go kind of evil in Lesson Zero too though... I don't know.

3970139

Thanks!

3969459

Twilight can't hear you from the comment section.

3969260

Did I scare you away with my essay like response? If so, I'm sorry. I do appreciate constructive criticism, and your comment helps me understand why people may not like my story... but I also love having debates.

[FlyingEagle93]

3973465

I know she can't, that's why I'm trying to relay it to Pinkie Pie

[ArtichokeLust]

3973493

I'm sorry, but I don't know if she heard you. Maybe if you commented harder?

But--and this could be a spoiler depending on how things go, so read at your own peril--I think Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense, specifically the 'Doozy' one, will probably warn her if anything really bad happens.

[Wannabe Scholar]

Wow. That chapter kind of surprised me. Though I think that Twilight might be a little OOC, I can understand why she's acting like that (a little). Also, Lyra's lesson reminded much on the Jane Elliott brown-eyed/blue-eyed experiment I learned back in my sociology class. Thumbs up for that!

-W.S.

[Ablesoap]

I read twilight's "history lesson" while listing to the omega flowey song from under tale. It fit.