Six Standard Deviations from the Mean

by ArtichokeLust

And you won't be prepared...

Clair flipped a few pages...

"The Lyre"

Clair's heart froze. Lyra was one of her favorite ponies. (That high-energy she had was contagious.) But if the lyre, Lyra's instrument of choice, as shown by her cutie mark, was in this book... If the lyre was discovered between 756 - 758 A.C. ...

Clair ignored the chill that filled her body as she read sentence after sentence.

"The Lyre was discovered in the wreckage of several of the destroyed pony villages. Originally, the strings were made from pony intestines, and several parts were made from the bones of defeated ponies."

Clair felt a sick feeling in her stomach...

"The only things known about this lyre are from folktales from the few survivors of the decimated villages. They said that the music was strangely melodic and mesmerizing. It always followed several days after the humans defeat of the village, and the accompanying dissonant chanting."

Clair sighed. In her head, she added a piece chess-piece of Lyra Heartstrings on the board, right next to Twilight. In fact, she might even have to be more careful with her than Twilight... She could just imagine getting a lyre as a cutie mark, then learning the history behind that instrument...

"It should be noted that one of the decimated villages was the alicorn village, as they had the most survivors of any town. Without them, even less would be know of the original sound of the lyre."

Well, that explained why Celestia hated her so much...

"Playing of the Lyre, or any stringed instrument, was banned for hundreds of years. It may have been this hatred of the Lyre that ignited the war between ponies and griffons. Griffons carried similar looking instruments, and used them to introduce their ceremonies, including the first formal meeting between griffons and ponies..."

Clair laid the book against her bosom...

That was it, no more reading that book today. On to the next book...

"Pre 760 A.C. religion"

...

---

*knock*
*knock*
*knock*

"Come in!" Twilight called back from her book pile.

Lyra let herself in.

"Oh..." Twilight's smile vanished.

"Nice to see you too." Lyra frowned.

"What are you here for?" Twilight sighed.

"I wanted to talk with you," Lyra started walking over to Twilight.

"Mhmm" Twilight nodded noncommittally.

"You aren't going to try setting up another debate once you've studied more, are you?" She asked.

Twilight closed her book and stood up, "I am."

"Twilight," Lyra sighed... "You don't want to get into this, trust me..." --Twilight glared-- "I've been dealing with this debate my whole life, no amount of studying you can do can make up for the gap in our knowledge on this subject... It'd be like Pinkie Pie studying a few magic books, and suddenly knowing magic better than you," Lyra pointed to Twilight's horn, "Frankly, it's insulting."

Twilight deadpanned, "I'm not going to back off and let some murderous con... human, loose in Ponyville just because you say you're an expert on the subject..." Twilight raised her eyebrow, "And why would you be an expert on the subject? You're a musician; I've only seen you in music school, not the school of history."

Lyra looked at her opponent almost in pity, "Do you know what the origin of the Lyre is?" She asked.

"...No..." Twilight furrowed her brow, "but what does that have to do with--"

"Call off the debate," Lyra repeated, "You're too prejudiced to do well in debate anyway, you'll just become a laughing stock." she looked down as if remembering something.

Twilight stepped back, offended. "I will not call off the debate. Just because you--"

"You don't understand!" Lyra yelled in rage.

"I do understand!" Twilight countered, "In fact, I'll make the debate tomorrow! I don't need to study anymore; you're not a historian." She shoved her hoof at Lyra, "I bet you don't even know what you're talking about."

Lyra stomped her hoof and glared directly at Twilight...

"Tomorrow is debate day?" She asked, not breaking her glare.

Twilight nodded in challenge.

"Make sure to defend yourself... I'm scheduling..." Lyra frowned, turned around, trotted out, and slammed the door behind her.

"GGGRRRRWWWWHHH" Lyra could be heard from behind the door. She could then be heard violently kicking the dirt, then galloping home while pounding the ground as hard as possible.

"Wow..." Spike looked out from behind his book. Twilight cringed, remembering reality. The thought, 'what the buck did I just do?' might have crossed her mind.

"...Spike" Twilight continued cringing, "take a letter."

"Again?" he asked.

"Mhmm." Twilight nodded.

Dear Princess Celestia,

The debate has been scheduled for tomorrow. I fear I may have gotten too hot-headed with Lyra and scheduled it really soon to spite her. If possible could you make it to the debate tomorrow? I still haven't met these historians you said would come here.

Yours truly,
Twilight Sparkle

...

Lyra slammed the door to her home after she walked in. "It's done." She declared.

"What's done?" BonBon asked from the kitchen.

"I scheduled the debate with Twilight for tomorrow," Lyra started walking towards the kitchen.

"Tomorrow?" BonBon repeated.

"Ahuh!" Lyra nodded vigorously.

BonBon remained silent for a while...

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" BonBon asked.

"What do you mean?" Lyra raised an annoyed eyebrow at the statement as she walked into the kitchen.

"Well," BonBon scrunched her face, then sighed, "Twilight has friends in some pretty high places, not to mention she's a princess. Do you really think you'll be going up against just her?"

Lyra blinked. She hadn't thought of that.

BonBon tried mixing the last few chemicals for her special candy. It puffed out a large cloud of smoke, but the candy just cracked, slowly turned to dust, and evaporated into the air. She sighed.

"Lyra, for all I know, you may be the best there is when it comes to human history. But what if actual historians come up," she turned around and looked directly at Lyra, "they could bring up something most historians would know, and make you look like a foal in front of everypony. It doesn't matter if you're right or not!"

Lyra stared at BonBon. She didn't want to admit it, but she had a point.

BonBon looked down at her failed creation, sighed once more, then stood up tall and looked at Lyra once again with loyalty in her gaze, "I'll see if I can find any other mares--or stallions--who can help you." She walked out of the kitchen, and out the front door.

Lyra calmed herself and came back to reality. "T- Thanks..." she said quietly. But it was too late.

---

A brown earth pony with a long and wild pink mane trailed several steps behind two stallions. There was something regal about the way she carried herself, and there was something cold and calculating about the way she looked at things.

Ahead and to the left of, but slightly behind the other stallion, was a fully green unicorn with a bored look on his face. He looked like he'd be much more at home in a library than outside.

To the right, and in the lead, was a larger white pegasis stallion. He looked pretty much like a royal guard without their armor. And instead of armor, he had a large saddlebag.

Ponies stopped and stared as the trio glided into town. One would assume they had walked countless miles since they entered town from the opposite side of the train station, but in reality they were flown by carriage, and just forgot to try and blend in.

"Tell me again..." the earth mare spoke up, "why did we land outside of town so we could walk by a windmill, instead of landing by the hospital?" She gave an irritated snarl.

The green stallion spoke, "Because we wanted to meet Twilight Sparkle--"

"You wanted to meet Twilight Sparkle," the earth mare interrupted. "And you could have just dropped us off by the hospital and teleported to Twilight's place."

the green unicorn glanced back, annoyed, "First off: that would be rude," --the mare rolled her eyes-- "and secondly: we'll be staying here for likely more than a few days, so we want to try and blend in like normal ponies..."

The mare sighed, but the white pegasis smirked to himself, "I don't think we're doing very well at that..." He said to himself.

"What was that?" the unicorn asked.

"Nothing," the pegasis responded, "Oh," he pointed his hoof towards an alleyway, "here's our turn."

"Ah," the unicorn smiled, "what would we ever do without you..."

"Find another guard," the earth mare replied nonchalantly.

"Rosetta..." an annoyed smile enveloped the unicorn's face.

"Yes?" the earth mare asked with mock innocence.

"You're an imbecile." the unicorn sighed.

"Haha!" the guard smiled wide in appreciation, "Hoof up, Data!"

Data turned and looked at the guard. He looked at his upraised hoof in confusion, then reluctantly bumped it with his own.

"That's cute," Rosetta said quietly and smiled to herself.

"Hey Lance," Data turned, giddy with the feeling of being accepted, "a tower with spirals; a spiral tower!"

Lance turned, "Yes," he shrugged, "that it is..."

Lance looked harder, "...is sompony running on it?" he asked in incredulity.

The entire trio stopped to look. Indeed, there was somepony running up the spiral. They appeared to be a regular, pink earth pony mare...

The mare stopped and noticed the trio. Immediately, a trail of smoke could be seen around the now vibrating tower

*click*

*click*

*click*
*click*
*click*

The trio looked to the noise. A wagon the size of a pony opened up in front of them.
"Welcome Welcome Welcome..."

...

The trio stared blankly at the pink mare, her wagon, and the cake in front of them...

"They even have a welcoming committee" Lance grinned back at the other two.

"Yup!" Pinkie grinned and started bouncing, "I'm Pinkie Pie!" She grinned, "Usually I'd even throw a party for you..." She stopped, "Oh... but I still haven't thrown a party for Clair... Dom... No--... Clair?" She shook her head, "It doesn't matter!"

Data tilted his head.

Pinkie held her head with her hooves, "Oh no! I've skipped a pony-- well, not a pony! But still! This is unforgivable!" she stomped the ground.

'Not a pony...' the trio thought in unison.

They just noticed that the Pinkie had stopped, and was now looking at them.

"I'm sorry it won't be a surprise party," Pinkie gave an apologetic smile, "but would you mind waiting until Clair gets better to party? I wouldn't want her to feel left out."

The trio stared back blankly... Pinkie leaned forward as she looked at them, as if it were now a staring contest.

"...Clair's the human, right?" Data finally asked.

Pinkie gasped, "How did you know!?" she came close enough to data that there were only inches between their muzzles, and she leaned forward on her front hooves. Data leaned back. Pinkie went back on all fours and gave him a sly sidelong glance, "Are you psychic?"

"Actually," Data started, " we were specifically sent to Ponyville to investi-- talk with a human named Clair. It would be of great historical significance--" Pinkie started bouncing over to Rosetta "--...aand you're not even listening."

Pinkie stopped and turned around, "I was listening." She protested.

"What did I just say?" Data raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Pinkie screwed up her face to exactly match Data's studious expression. Lance burst out laughing, and Rosetta had a hard time stifling her giggles.

"Actually, we're here specifically sent to Ponyville to investi-- talk with a human named Clair. It would be of great historical significance..." Pinkie grinned at Data's surprised expression, "see, I was listening."

"...Okay..." Data shook himself, "But I think we'd all like to meet her in a more... protected setting." Rosetta and Lance nodded, thought Rosetta did so slightly more reluctantly. (Lance gulped as he nodded.)

Pinkie tilted her head, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Rosetta stepped forward, "Humans aren't exactly safe..." she spoke to Pinkie as if she were speaking to a foal.

Pinkie smirked, "Ha, safety shmafety--" Pinkie sped off in a random direction, then returned in less than a second, now with a gator on her mane, "Somponies say Gummy's not safe," Pinkie held out her hoof to Gummy, which he bit. Then he bit her face, then her ear, "But I think he's the most lovable pet a pony could ever have!"

The trio stared at her blankly, then stepped around the mad-mare.

"So you'll be at the party?" Pinkie called.

"S- Sure..." Data answered half-heartedly.

Pinkie squinted, sensing reluctance.

"You won't regret it!" She called in hopes to bolster their chance of showing.

---

Twilight and friends sat around a picnic with several different types of food thrown haphazardly on a blanket. Twilight was trying to calm herself with the company of her friends, but some of her friends didn't want to be calm...

"Ooh..." Pinkie paced back and forth, almost trampling the food.

"Pinkie!" Applejack finally spoke up and grabbed her friends shoulders after having to save her apple fritter for the second time, "What's gotten into you? I haven't seen you this upset since... well since ever!"

"Oh, it's terrible!" Pinkie grabbed Applejack shoulders back.

All of her friends looked up at her with large, round eyes, ready to help.

Pinkie threw her hoof to her forehead and fell back, right into her cake. "I haven't thrown Clair a party because she's in the hospital, and hospitals don't like parties!" Pinkie shook her hoof at fate and all party haters, "But now these three new ponies came to town, and I can't throw a party for them, because then I'd be leaving Clair out!" She rolled around in the cake.

"...What's wrong with that?" Twilight asked, "You throw parties all the time where not all of ponyville is invited."

Pinkie popped off the ground from laying position, did a double front flip, grabbed Twilight's shoulders, and shook, "But it's different!" She dropped twilight.

"That's a normal party, these are welcome parties!" She looked at everypony, "I've never skipped a welcome party!"

Pinkie walked over to the remains of the cake and lied down on her stomach. By now she was fully covered in cake. "...I'm a bad pony..." She licked some cake off her hoof.

"Pinkie," Twilight smiled reassuringly, "You're not a bad pony..."

"Really?" Pinkie asked, hope filling her eyes.

Twilight started, "You've tried keeping your track record even though Clair's not a pony--"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Fluttershy squinted and said quietly.

"I used to be the same way," Twilight smiled, reminiscing, "absolutely everything had to be perfect, and when even one thing was out of place, I went, well... mad."

Pinkie stared up at Twilight blankly.

"You don't have to try to be perfect Pinkie..." Twilight smiled reassuringly.

Pinkie stared up at Twilight blankly, then looked at her other friends for help. Twilight slumped.

"I think what she's trying to say," Rarity rubbed her chin with her hoof, "is that ponies won't mind if their welcome parties are delayed a few days due to special circumstances, and I'm sure Clair wont mind if she misses a party or two..."

Pinkie frowned. It just didn't feel right...

"Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie turned and looked at dash with large puppy eyes.

Rainbow Dash flew back a foot or two in midair and crossed her fore-hooves, "Buck the police!" She barked, "I say: throw the party in the hospital, whether they like it or not!"

Pinkie smiled, "You're a good friend..."

Rarity and Twilight rolled their eyes.

Fluttershy cleared her throat, and actually managed to get everypony's attention, "I don't know about parties, but I agree we should visit Clair" --Twilight frowned-- "Actually," Fluttershy looked down at the picnic, "It'd be nice of us to save some food for her."

Pinkie looked down at the cake she was now covered in and gasped.

"And I know just who else to invite for our visit!" She sped off, leaving behind a Pinkie statue made of cake. The remaining five ponies just stared at the cake statue.

---

Data, Rosetta, and Lance trailed behind the mane six, shivering in fear. They were in the hospital, trotting through the last hallway on their way to see Clair. This was what they were here for... but now that they were here, they really weren't sure they were ready...

"We're here!" Pinkie cheered, opening the door to the room Clair was staying in.

the trio felt a chill fill each of their bodies unanimously. They couldn't do this! This was insane! Humans were the worst monsters in history...

Rosetta cowered onto the floor and started crying. The other two stallions huddled next to her. They were safer together...

...

Pinkie looked around for the trio and found them huddled in the middle of the hallway, right before the entrance to the room where Clair was staying. She rolled her eyes, then ran behind them.

"Come on!" Pinkie used her head as a shovel to push the trio. No matter how hard they dug their hooves into the ground, Pinkie was stronger.

Rosetta looked up. She wasn't entirely sure why, but it was probably something akin to morbid curiosity; if something was about to kill you with ease despite all your preparation, then wouldn't you want to know what could do that? ...Well, Rosetta found out. On the second gurney from the window on the right, laid Clair. She was gargantuan! She was almost as big as a minotaur. And she rested there like a sleeping giant... maybe she would just stay asleep, and they could leave without her noticing--

"Wakey wakey!" Pinkie poked Clair's face in an effort to get her to wake up, after Fluttershy's quieter efforts failed.

"no..." Tears started flowing freely from Rosetta's eyes.

"D-- Don't worry..." Data whispered as he huddled next to her. Normally she would scoff at the closeness, but right now she needed all the reassurance she could get. She leaned into him...

"I-- I'm the guard, remember?" Lance huddled against her left side.

'Maybe,' Rosetta thought, hoping beyond hope, 'just maybe, we'll make it through this alive...'

Clair yawned and rubbed her eyes. They expected her to sit, but she went into a full standing position before they could even react!

The trio of historians hugged eachother and closed their eyes.

...

Clair yawned and rubbed her eyes to see Pinkie's smiling face. She couldn't help but smile herself. She almost tried to sit up after that, but remembered her tailbone injury... Damn Celestia...

She hopped up on her feet, only to find herself wrapped in Pinkie's bear hug.

"I almost skipped your welcome party..."

"Huh?" Clair squeaked and looked down at the pink ball of fuzz and raised an eyebrow while smiling, "I never said I was moving into Ponyville."

Pinkie looked up at her, "But... why not?" she asked with tear-filled eyes.

"What?" Clair looked down, "No-- I mean, I'll probably stay here for a while; it's the safest option... but I never told you I was staying here."

"...Oh!" Pinkie hopped down. Clair gasped for breath. "But you are staying?" She asked.

"For a while... maybe longer depending on how things go..." She smiled sadly. It felt like she was already saying goodbye before she really got a chance to meet any of them... Well, she wouldn't really mind that with Celestia and Twilight, but...

"If I do leave," Clair smiled more warmly this time, "I'll make sure to visit."

That's a promise you might not be able to keep... Dom thought in Clair's mind.
I know... She replied.

Pinkie smiled warmly, then hopped, "Oh!" She smirked, "We have guests!" She spun around and gracefully pointed to the trio huddling together as if they could be snuffed out at any moment.

"Aww," Clair hunched over slightly and held both her arms against her chest due to the adorableness, "they're so cute!" She started walking over.

'Clair,' Dom thought loudly, 'what are you doing?'
Come on, Clair thought back, 'You know they need it, and that fur is so soft...'
'You know they could be powerful enough to kill us, right?' Dom asked.
'What's life without risk?' Clair smirked.
'Don't throw my words back at me...' Dom admitted defeat.

Clair bent down by the huddling ponies, and wrapped her arms around them. They huddled even closer, if it was possible, as if death could strike at literally any instant, and they didn't want to die alone.

Pinkie rushed over and joined the cuddle puddle. Then Fluttershy followed. Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack had their own reasons for not joining... Twilight raised an eyebrow at the terrified historians.

...

Rosetta opened her eyes. As far as she could tell, death hadn't come to her, and the bodies next to her seemed warm... Maybe this was her lucky day...

The bed was empty...

It was playing with them...

Rosetta looked around, bravely stepping forward, out of the protection of her acquaintances, to see how things looked.

The human swung around in front of her from the side. There was nothing she could do, no escape, no mercy... Her eyes shrunk to pinpricks and she froze, her entire body shaking in fear.

"You're so cute when you're scared!" Clair giggled.

'I'm getting a huge adrenaline rush about now too...' Dom could feel Clair's rapid heartbeat, 'You know these guys could freak out and try to kill you at any instant, right?'
'Mhmm,' Clair agreed, 'But it's worth it.'
'How?' Dom asked.
'I wasn't able to touch anything back on Earth, so now I guess it's become a thing for me...' She frowned, 'I might want to stay here just because of that...'

Rosetta stared back. Why didn't she just end it? The calm of death would be wonderful compared to the fear that froze her heart and smashed it repeatedly... Why? WHY?

She felt something grip her hoof. She looked down, expecting to see some poisoned barb, but instead she saw a hand gripping her. It lifted her hoof up and down a few times... A hoof shake, but why was she--

"Hi," the human smiled, "I'm Clair, and you are?"

Rosetta swallowed. This was what she was here for after all... "R--"

She gasped for air, then tried to catch her breath. Clair waited patiently.

"R-- Rose..."

Rosetta swallowed.

"Rosetta." She started hyperventilating, "Stone!"

Rosetta started taking deeper and deeper breaths. Clair frowned.

Rosetta felt something in her mane, touching her head.

"Calm down," Clair said, "I'm not going to hurt you..."

Rosetta looked up, eyes filled with doubt, "Oh yeah? How do I know you're not lying?" She asked. But her breathing calmed enough so that she didn't pass out.

Clair smiled in amusement, "Why would I lie about that?"

"Because you get off on it..." Rosetta frowned and looked at the floor.

Dom laughed, 'You'd totally get off on it...'
Are you sure that's not you? Clair frowned, then started smirking...

Clair started laughing. This was just too ridiculous.

Rosetta looked up at the sound of a mare laughing. It sounded so... innocent. Could she really be telling the truth?

...Wait a minute...

"Why don't I hear anything from my partners?" Rosetta said and scooted backwards for safety.

Clair looked at the other two, "say something." She commanded.

"Um..." Lance said.

"Hi..." Data said.

Rosetta looked up at Clair... Her eyes now had a hint of hope instead of pure distrust.

Clair got up, indicating for them to follow her back to her bed.

"I take it you're historians..." Clair sighed.

"H-- How did--" Data started.

"I read a few history books to find out what was going on, and your reactions make more sense if you're all historians..." Clair frowned. She lied down on her bed. "I'm sorry, but I can't really sit because of a tailbone injury, you'll have to speak to me like this."

Data looked up, "I heard that you were being treated at the hospital..." He started, "But I wasn't informed for what? What could harm a human?"

Clair grimaced, "Celestia picked me up with her magic and slammed me against a bed..." then she frowned in guilt, "...and I ate a cockatrice; I didn't know they were poisonous..."

Data tilted his head, "That's it?"

"Mhmm..."

"How did you not know Cockatrices were poisonous?" Data asked.

Clair sighed.
'We should probably just tell the truth,' Dom suggested, 'We'll have to say it anyway if we want to make a portal...'

"I'm not from Equestria..."

...

Clair finished telling her tale of how she was a college student, and then suddenly, she woke up in the middle of the forest. (She didn't mention she was actually Dom at the time.) And she described her hypothesis for how humans were randomly flung into Equestria, and probably never entered through their own will. The historians had surprisingly little to input on her stories.

After a long discussion of history, Twilight subtly scoffing at Clair's history, and the historians slowly calming down, everypony exited. But Fluttershy stayed behind for a moment to say one last thing...

"Um..." Fluttershy landed and stood above Clair's chest, "T- Twilight told me not to tell you this, but there will be a debate tomorrow on humans. I just thought you should be there, if you can, or if that's okay..."

Clair smiled, "Thanks."

Fluttershy smiled back, then flew off to join the group.

---

Data smiled, his shivering had calmed down somewhat.

"I didn't think she was so bad..." He said.

Lance didn't say anything.

Rosetta grabbed her chest with her right front hoof and started gasping for breath, and leaned into Lance.

"I'm good," She said, steadying herself, "I'm good..."

Twilight caught up with them.

"You didn't think she was that bad, huh?" She smirked.

They nodded. "We're not dead," Rosetta pointed out.

"Of course not," Twilight smirked and almost rolled hey eyes, "She's not stronger than Celestia, remember. So she's getting everypony to trust her before she does as much damage as possible."

The trio's pupils shrank.

"B-- But--" Data started.

"That's why you're coming with me to the debate," Twilight said, "Once we win the debate, and Clair hears that humans are no longer welcome, then she'll attack, but Celestia will be there to stop her..." She smirked.

Data and Rosetta looked at Twilight and nodded, but all Lance heard was horse-apples. He remembered when he did rescue operations: the way ponies were trained to calm down panicking ponies was exactly the way Clair had calmed Rosetta down. And what Twilight was saying sounded just like the paranoia that came out of some of those traumatized ponies...

---

Clair laid in her bed, unable to sleep despite the darkness and perfect sleeping temperatures. She was worrying too much about the coming debate. She wasn't ready. She was completely unprepared; she only read one and a half books! How many had Twilight read? And how could there even be a debate? Who would fight for the humans... Fluttershy? Oh no...

'Hey,' Dom's voice echoed through Clair's head.

Suddenly, Clair found herself back in the green meadow of Dom's impossible spaceship, but when she looked up, she could actually see stars... Luna's sky; Dom had never seen a sky without light pollution before...

She looked down, Dom was standing in front of her. He wrapped her in a strong hug and stroked her back. She hugged him back. They stood like that for a while...

Author's Note:

I felt like cuddles tonight apparently.

Comments

[hs0003]

If Twilight is not destroyed during the debate, I'm calling bullshit.
Anywho, this is pretty good so far! Looking forward to the next chapter.

[ComatoseVEVO]

3995560 ya sorry trying to build up theories and Lyra said the the Romans were there and helped the Griffins overcome a great famine

[ComatoseVEVO]

hahahahahahhaah the historians are not siding with twilight yeeeeeesssss¡¡¡¡¡

[Naughty loki]

This is a really interesting story that's for sure!
Though I'd really like to know how the hell Dom and claire even got here...

[Changeling-Drone]

3995887 well not all of them at least

[Minerva]

Clair is human, so she knows more about humanity than any of the ponies against her. Twilight will probably go overboard with racism, and lose the debate.

[Minerva]

I have a feeling Luna will help Clair out.