Loved how u added Tanks thoughts to the story

!!!JESUS ALPHABATIC CHRIST!!! man what the fuck did you post the chapters in reverse if not then allow me qoute myself what the fuck. O,K lets get serious if your going develop the charecters then go ahead that what i would say if this was a teen rated story but this is a clopfic. And clopfics are written much more diffrent then the regular stories if your going to develop your charecters then do it during the earlier chapters not the later chapters are ment for sex not charecters and you already teased the readers with the previous chapter so most readers would want the sex scene now. Im telling you this because i can tell this is going to be good clopfic also im easliely the biggest pervert on this site.:pinkehappy:

3906652 Dude I understand want your saying. But the thing is I've read some good clopfics that had more story and character then clop itself and their doing well. Another thing the chapters ain't out of other. Chapter 2 serves as a flashback chapter if you will. but if your main concern is the clop don't worry the next chapter and bonus chapter will more then makeup for the lack of clop so far.

Nice

Indeed so

Look, I appreciate how you're trying to get more character development, but the grammar really killed it. Be it from wrong tenses, missing a quotation mark, or having stuff like: "-until it get old-" I would highly recommend a prereader to scan these chapters. Otherwise, a valiant effort.

3908760 Oh Stop it I'm not that sly.

no alternate universe tag , so what's the deal with there being r63 of canon characters then?....

3907764 *cough* valiant

3906652 'im easliely the biggest pervert on this site.'
Challenge accepted.