Cupcakes: The Musical

by SweeneyXoz

Act I: Part III

Exterior of a street

Pinkie Pie and Rarity walk away from the marketplace and down a wide, yet empty, street.

Rarity: ...just saying you should be more careful about who you introduce yourself to. You're quite lucky Rainbow Dash had no idea who you were. Then again, she never was the brightest apple in the bunch. Have you ever had apples? There used to be a farm outside town, but it closed down. As I recall, it was...

Pinkie Pie ignores Rarity's incessant chattering and focuses on the road ahead, an expression of deep thought on her face. Four ghostly ponies step out from the alleyways and stand next to each other.

Big Macintosh
Pinkie focused and Pinkie thought
Over the trail of bait she'd wrought.

Doctor Whooves
Leaving the bread crumbs, marking the path,
Setting up Rainbow Dash to feel her wrath.

Cheerilee
Pinkie wrapped her mind 'round her plan
Trying to think of a sounder plan.

Ghost Chorus
Assembling the actors, setting the stage,
Ensuring she controlled every page.
Pinkie...

The chorus melds back into the crowd and continue walking. The focus is once again on Pinkie Pie and Rarity as they turn around the corner, now completely alone.

Rarity: ... and then she told me she wanted French haute couture! Can you believe that!? I mean, really. Where does she think she is? France!? Anyway-- (notices Pinkie is still thinking) Pinkie Pie, are you listening? Pinkie? Pinkie!

Pinkie Pie: (snaps back to reality) Wha? Who? Oh, right. (chuckles nervously) Just got a little carried away.

---

Interior of Twilight Sparkle's mansion

Fluttershy sits in her room and stares sadly into her mirror. She slowly brushes her mane and glances at a few pictures and drawings of the outside world. Twilight Sparkle looks at her through a small hole in the opposite wall. She's lifting a quill and a piece of parchment with her magic and furiously taking notes on her behavior.

Fluttershy: (sighs) It's like everypony's forgotten about me.

Twilight Sparkle: (takes a few notes and then, to herself) Not everypony...

---

Exterior of Twilight Sparkle's mansion

Applejack walks along the street, kicking the occasional stone and looking up at Fluttershy's window.

Applejack: Oh, Fluttershy. I'd love to get you outta there, but I just can't get inside. The windows are barred and the doors are all bolted. If I just had a key or a-- a key! That's it!

Applejack looks up at Fluttershy's window again and hurls a pebble at it. It clatters off and draws Fluttershy's attention. She approaches the window and smiles and waves.

Applejack: Fluttershy! Throw me a key! I can get you out if you throw me a key!

Fluttershy nods in confirmation and walks away from the window. She returns, opens the window, and throws an obscure object, which lands in front of the fence. Applejack happily trots to the object, revealing it to be... a cookie. She appears to be unamused and looks back up at the window.

Applejack: I said a key! A key! You know? K-E-Y?

Fluttershy seems to understand Applejack's message and runs back, presumably to retrieve a key. After a short while, she doesn't return.

Applejack: Consarn it! I thought I was close. Oh, well. There's always tomorrow I guess.

Applejack walks down the road to Sweet Street while Twilight, unseen from below, shouts at a cowering Fluttershy.

---

Interior of Pinkie Pie's sweet shop

Pinkie Pie is at work sharpening her tools as Rarity pulls the cover off an old-fashioned oven. Dust fills the air and a metallic ring travels up its pipe.

Rarity: Not exactly in the best condition, but it's served me well over the years. Why, I remember just a few winters ago I had to cook my dear, sweet Opal. Although I have to admit, she was rather filling.

The rest of the shop appears to be restored, if only slightly drab in some areas. A few streamers hang from the ceiling and some of the color has rejuvenated the cheery atmosphere. Pinkie Pie sets slams down her tools and storms over to the window to glare at the town.

Pinkie Pie: Grrrrrrr. Where's Rainbow Dash! She told me she wanted cupcakes, but I haven't so much as seen her on Sweet Street! Maybe if I interrogated somepony...

Rarity: I don't think that'll be necessary. Besides, you only saw her just yesterday. And it's still morning.

Pinkie Pie grumbles and moves back to her baking station. She shifts about, unsure of what to do.

Rarity
Hold your horses.
Just calm down.
Rest yourself, we'll wipe
Off that frown.
Think of baking
For the town.
Whoa.

Just calm down.
Think of a joke.
Perhaps think about
Making Rainbow croak?
Let yourself laugh.
Let it stoke.
Whoa.

Pinkie Pie halts, but doesn't respond. She still glares sternly at the floor.

Rarity
Perhaps a few balloons
Or some ribbons?
Wouldn't that be fun?
I know you love balloons
And new ribbons
Like almost everyone.
Ah, whoa, dear, whoa.

Pinkie Pie throws herself on a couch and groans loudly and dramatically.

Pinkie Pie: But I wanna bake cupcakes nooooowwww!

Rarity: And you will! Just be patient. Rainbow Dash will have to get hungry sooner or later.

Rarity
Don't you know,
Sweet Pinkie,
The fun's in writing
The recipe.
Do you want your cakes
To be too sloppy?
Whoa.

Pinkie Pie starts to smile at these words and Rarity moves closer to comfort her.

Rarity
Maybe just a dozen
Of those ribbons.
Don't know, darling.
Or a smidgeon?

A hint of a smile appears on Pinkie's face as the two look at each other before a knock is heard at the door. Pinkie immediately grabs her hacksaw while Rarity turns to answer the door. Before she has a chance to see who is ringing, Applejack bursts in.

Applejack: Ms. Pie! Just the pony I wanted to see!

Pinkie quickly conceals the hacksaw behind her back and approaches Applejack. Rarity simply sits in shock in front of the rather rude guest.

Applejack: Oh, and, uh...

Rarity: Rarity. Call me Rarity.

Applejack: Right. Sorry. Anyhooves, there's this filly I saw earlier. Poor girl's being kept away, alone, unloved, and rich too! Very, very rich.

Pinkie Pie: Hmmmm, this sounds important somehow...

Applejack: Oh, I don't know. Could be the fact that she's practically being held hostage! She's a poor pegasus named Fluttershy and there's some psychotic unicorn keeping her locked away. Her name's Twilight Sparkle and in all my years, I've never met anypony as crazy about finding the "magic of friendship" as her.

Rarity glances at Pinkie Pie, who seems to be clueless.

Applejack: This Judge Sparkle... she's just plum crazy! When she leaves to do whatever it is judges do, I'm gonna get the poor girl out of there! Well, assuming I get a plan together...

Rarity: (to herself) Well, isn't that convenient?

Applejack: Convenient?

Rarity: Uh, convenient for you, darling! Of course!

Applejack: Okay, but listen. Once I break her out of there, we're gonna need someplace safe to stay for a few hours. I'll need to find some way to get those clasps off her wings. (looks at Pinkie Pie) If you'd just let us stay here for an hour or two, I'll be indebted to you 'til the day I die.

Pinkie Pie: (as Rarity is about to speak and without thinking) Okie dokie Loki.

Applejack: Golly. Didn't expect you to agree so quickly. Thank you so much! (gallops out the door)

Rarity: Um, Pinkie Pie? You do know who she was talking about, right?

Pinkie Pie: Duh! I can't believe it's all working out so well!

Rarity: Even though Applejack intends to take Fluttershy to the farthest regions of Equestria?

Pinkie Pie: (chuckles darkly) Whoever said I'd let her do that? I've always wanted to try apple-flavored cupcakes!

Rarity: I suppose that could work out. So long as that poor, little Fluttershy gets into the hooves of someone who can care for her properly. (looks out the window to see Applejack leaves and sees the Great and Powerful Trixie, with Spike in tow) Oh, my! Pinkie Pie, we have some visitors.

Pinkie Pie: (runs over to the window) Ooh! Is it Rainbow Dash? Or maybe Twi-- (gasps, then looks at Rarity). It's the swindler from the marketplace. You watch the baby dragon. I'll have a little chat with our friend, the Great and Powerful Trixie.

---

Exterior of Pinkie Pie's sweet shop

Rarity rushes down the steps to greet Trixie and Spike. Above the Carousel Boutique sign is the new Pinkie Pie's Capricious Confectionery sign.

Trixie: Pardon me, but is Ms. Pinkie Pie home?

Rarity: Most certainly. Although she's rather busy at the moment. Much business to attend to. (looks at Spike) Well, would you look at this poor boy. Looks like he hasn't had a decent bite in ages!

Spike: Actually, I'll eat just about--

Rarity: (shoves her hoof in Spike's mouth) You see? Poor dear could use a gem or two. I still have some of my special store.

Trixie: (impatiently) Yes, that's fine, but I simply must see Ms. Pie.

Trixie ascends the stairs as Rarity leads Spike into the boutique.

Rarity: And perhaps you'd like to try on some of my designs. I'm sure you'll look smashing.

Spike gulps and they step inside the door.

---

Interior of Pinkie Pie's sweet shop

Pinkie Pie stands still and waits for Trixie to enter. Trixie steps inside.

Trixie: Ms. Pie.

Pinkie Pie: Ms. Great and Powerful Trixie.

Trixie: Oh, please. Why don't we just drop the act. It's Trixie. Just Trixie. "The Great and Powerful Trixie" is just my stage name. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like my bits back.

Pinkie Pie: But I won, fair and square!

Trixie: Ha! Fair? You call entering a competition under false pretenses fair? From now on, half your profits will go to me. After all, I do deserve it...

Pinkie Pie laughs at the idea and falls to the floor giggling until Trixie adds:

Trixie: Ms. Pinkamena Diane Pie.

Pinkie stops giggling and freezes.

---

Interior of Carousel Boutique

Soon after Spike devours a plate of gems, Rarity sets another on the table.

Rarity: Now, then. These are my last sapphires so try to--

Spike swallows the entire plate in one gulp.

Rarity: Savor it... No matter. At least you're eating. Why, I remember this tennis-playing pony who always worked up an appetite quite like yours. And he did have the most interesting moustache.

Spike: To tell the truth ma'am-- (takes off his moustache and sets it on the table) --it does get awful itchy.

---

Interior of Pinkie Pie's sweet shop

Trixie is pacing back and forth, looking about the shop as a helpless Pinkie watches.

Trixie: Yes, perhaps a picture of me over here, some of my clothes over here. Yes, I remember this place well. After all, you did hire me for a short while, to perform such menial tasks as dusting and sweeping. In fact, you never once let me so much as touch your baking tools... Pinkamena Diane Pie. (smiles cruelly at Pinkie) Honestly, I don't know how you had no idea it was me. I only put four words in front of my name for Celestia's sake! No matter, though. (turns around to face the kitchen) Unless you'd like me to fetch my good friend, Rainbow Dash, I think you're out of options. How about that Ms. Pinkie P--

As Trixie turns around again, a frying pan flies toward her face and smashes against her cheek. Dazed and confused, she barely manages to stand. Pinkie pulls the frying pan back and swings against the other side of her face, sending blood and teeth flying and knocking her out cold.

---

Interior of Carousel Boutique

Rarity hears the thumps from above and creates more noise as she searches her closet for clothes for Spike to try.

Rarity: Oh, goodness me. What a mess it can be back here! Organized chaos, I like to call it! (returns from the closet with a cheaply-made, frilly suit) I'm sure this will be an excellent fit for you.

Spike: (scared) Oh, boy...

Rarity struggles to fit the suit onto Spike as she continues speaking.

Rarity: So, tell me. (groans) How did you end up with such an unkind-- (groans) --mare?

Spike: If you really wanna know, I fell out of the window at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, if you can believe that. Some incident with a student losing control. Trixie found me and-- (groans) --took me in. Speaking of which, Trixie's having a one-percent-off sale in an hour! She can't be late for that! (the suit snaps off like a rubber band) If she's late, it'll be all my fault! (runs out the door)

Rarity: Wait! Whoa! Whatever! Just come back!

She calls after him too late. Spike is already running up the stairs.

---

Interior of Pinkie Pie's sweet shop

Spike bursts in the door to see Pinkie Pie lazily licking a candy cane.

Spike: Ms. Pie? Where's the Great and Powerful Trixie!?

Pinkie Pie: I'm sorry. Since Trixie's most recent batch of cupcakes was so panned, she's fled Ponyville in embarrassment. You should probably go after her.

Spike: Well, it's not the first time it's happened. She'll probably come back though, as the Stupendous and Mystifying Trixie or something like that. No pony ever seems to notice the difference. I should just wait here for her.

Spike sits down in a chair next to the ice box, from which Trixie's hoof is protruding. He doesn't seem to notice, but the sight is making Pinkie Pie nervous.

Pinkie Pie: Well, while you're waiting, don't you think Ms. Rarity has some more gems for you?

Spike: I'm not sure, but she's quite a looker if you ask me.

Trixie's hoof twitches. Spike doesn't notice, but Pinkie Pie starts to sweat.

Pinkie Pie: A growing dragon needs plenty of gems, doesn't he?

Spike: Actually, I think we really need to eat silver to breathe our fire. At least, that's what I heard on a TV show once.

Trixie's hand continues twitching and nearly touches Spike.

Pinkie Pie: (nervously attempting to be cheerful) I'm sure Rarity knows the answer! You should ask her!

Spike: As much as I'd love to be around her, I really should wait here for Trixie.

Pinkie Pie: Well, I know for a fact that Rarity has a secret stash of rubies I'm sure she'd be happy to share with you!

Spike: (leaps out of the chair and starts drooling) Rubies? Rarity and rubies... (dreamily exits)

Pinkie Pie lets out a long sigh of relief and locks the door. She hurries back to the ice box and throws open the lid. A light shines off Pinkie Pie's hacksaw and nearly blinds her. She looks from Trixie (who is slowly regaining consciousness) and the hacksaw, realizing this is the point of no return. In a daze, she picks it up and pulls up Trixie. She snaps awake just as Pinkie furiously slashes across Trixie's throat, scattering blood across the ice box. The piercing whistle heard in the beginning sounds off again as the cut is made. The ghost chorus approaches from the shadowy corners and surrounds Pinkie Pie.

Doctor Whooves
Her hooves were giddy with deathly cheer.
To anyone else she would appear...

Cheerilee
To never fret and to never cry.
Yet nopony ever knew what under lied.

Octavia
At least the ones who did not die
With Pinkie Pie,
The spastic baker of Sweet Street.

Company
See your hacksaw shine, Pinkie,
Watch its jagged edge
As ponies tumble over that dark,
Hellish ledge.

---

Interior of the chapel

The chapel is illuminated only by a few candles and is shrouded in mist. Dominating the rear of the room is a large, stained-glass window depicting the six unknown wielders of the Elements of Harmony firing a blast of magic at the evil Night Mare Moon. Above them is an image of Princess Celestia in all her glory. The words "NEVER FORGET THEIR SACRIFICE" are displayed in bright red and cast themselves down on Twilight Sparkle, who is kneeling before the altar. She throws her hooves in the air and cries out.

Twilight Sparkle
Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Mea maxima culpa.
Mea maxima, maxima culpa!
Celestia forgive me! Contain me!
Forgive me! Restrain me! Dissuade me!

Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
So suddenly a grown mare,
The light behind your window--
Illuminates your mane,
Fluttershy, Fluttershy.
The sun-- The sun reflects off your--
No!
Celestia!
Deliver me! Deliver me!
Down!
Down.
Down...

Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
I study you in darkness.
Waiting by your window,
Looking on the world.
Your voice lifts, Fluttershy
So soft and kind and innocent--
Celestia!
Deliver me!
Filth.
Leave me!

Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
I've basked in your kindness,
Hoping you'd be my friend.
You twist me, Fluttershy,
And tempt me with your innocence,
You tempt with those golden---
No!
Celestia!
Deliver me!
It will
End
Now! It will
End
Right
Now,
Right
Now,
Right
Now...

Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
You can't stay any longer
The world lies before you
You wish to fly away
You stir me, Fluttershy
So suddenly a grown mare.
I cannot watch you one more day--
Celestia!
Deliver me!
Celestia!
Deliver me!
Celestia!
Deliver--!
CELESTIA!!!

Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
I'll be with you forever.
I'll take you as my lover,
Fluttershy, Fluttershy.
The world will never harm you.
I'll take you as my lover.
As years pass, Fluttershy,
You'll help find magic in my
Life, not as a friend.
But as much more.
Fluttershy, Fluttershy,
I'll hold you here forever then
You'll keep away from windows and
You'll
Deliver me.
Fluttershy.
From this
End--
Less
Torment
With your
Soft,
Gold,
Cool,
Virgin
Hooves.

She falls to the floor, her mind in agony, before the candles all blow out.

---

Comments

[Mach and Gracie]

Ooh, we're approaching the gooood bits. ;3
Keep it up, love it so far.

[Mist]

As much as I find Cupcakes spin offs or related stories to be pointless, I felt like reading this.

My thoughts: A decent concept, and much more plot than Cupcakes had, but I have a few problems with it.

1. The comedy feels awkward and out of place. It just doesn't seem to fit this setting at all. I could understand if it was black comedy, but the premise tries to be serious, then comedic at the same time. I feel that it doesn't know what genre it wants to be.

2. Rarity is horrendously out of character.

3. A lot of the songs feel... Meh... Like I can't feel the connection with them...

4. The substitution of romance for friendship just feels weak and thus creating a rather boring plot. I honestly can't even take it seriously, nor can I laugh at it. It goes back to the whole comedy thing, of how the comedy feels out of place, on top of that a lot of the jokes feel... Lame...

I could go on, but those are the basic problems I have. The concept is a decent idea...

[negativezero]

finnaly, amazing story

[SweeneyXoz]

32406
I really do take criticism seriously and am glad to have the input. However, some of the problems you've listed fall out of step with what I'm going for.

1. Regarding the comedy and seriousness, it should feel awkward. This story has taken a musical well known for its tragedy and black comedy and had one of the most random beings in the universe slammed into it. The dark moments frequently conflict with Pinkie Pie's general cheerfulness and the result is a chaotic, musical, happy and sad mishmash with some semblance of a plot.

2. I was a bit surprised at this. Considering Twilight is a power-hungry mad-mare, Pinkie Pie is a vindictive, homicidal maniac, and Rainbow Dash is a brutish enforcer, I find it odd that you've singled out Rarity. Personally, I feel she's stayed truest to her character by generously caring for Pinkie and Spike, along with her thoughts occasionally becoming self-centered. But if she seems out of character, it may be because everypony is. This is an alternate Equestria and the ponies personalities have changed drastically as a result (hence the "alternate universe" tag)

3. The songs I can't do much about. They're written to the tune of the original music and have changed to go along with this story. They're certainly not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

4. There's a reason I included the "romance" tag. The mane six didn't fall in love with each other at first sight in the show and they aren't in this story. Romantic feelings are slowly developing between several of the characters and will be expanded upon as the story progresses, but friendship is the basis of the story. Twilight's failure to discover the magic of friendship is what's driven the other character's plots (Pinkie's banishment, etc.). If any reader knows Sweeney Todd, he or she can probably guess where love will spark, but I do have some surprises in store.

5. As for not being able to take it seriously nor laugh at it, it's not meant to be taken seriously at all. Sweeney Todd and Pinkie Pie are known for their randomness and this musical is something of a satire of the blending of dark elements with light-hearted stories (like Cupcakes did). It jumps from seriousness to lighter moments because that's much like Pinkie Pie's nature. (Although I do apologize for the jokes. They can be quite lame)

I'm glad to have both positive and negative input and I would especially like to thank you for bringing these concerns up. It looks like a lot of thought's been put into your criticisms and I will consider them as I continue writing.

[Mist]

32666

1. I don't think feeling awkward to the reader is something that should be shot for really. Surprising the reader is one thing, but throughout most of this I just have this awkward feeling of "I really don't know what to feel about this", especially walking in expecting some Sweeny Todd. I feel that Sweeny Todd is above all a tragedy. Pinkie Pie's cheerfulness is actually what kind of ruins it. She returns from banishment as happy as ever. On top of that, with the other characters so out of character, Pinkie Pie actually retains TOO MUCH of her original character. I am always relieved when it gets to a moment when she is forced to be serious because it gives me at least 1 moment where I'm not left feeling entirely awkward about the whole story, but then another character opens their mouth. I feel that although black comedy is a good path, this deviates too far from the "black" aspect of it, where it's trying to be regular comedy AND black comedy at the same time. There's really no way to describe it except for that fact that I'm given this strange feeling while reading it that I don't enjoy. The premise is a great idea, and the opening exposition is excellent. I was lead in believing this to be a nice dark rendition, but then Applejack and Pinkie appear on the docks (which I found strange since she was banished to the forest? Which I'm assuming the forest is farther from Ponyville in this universe as we know it's basically right on the edge of Ponyville) and all of a sudden it's comedic and light-hearted.

I feel as though a story should spark emotion from the reader, but this just makes me feel this awkward emotion that is indescribable with words.

2. A lot of the characters are slightly out of character, but I feel a lot of them are given REASON. Pinkie Pie is a given, with her predicament. Twilight clearly never found Friendship in this universe, so it's plausible just barely that she could turn that route. Dash is loyalty, so yeah, serving Twilight is plausible as well, and I'm sure after years of Twilight's dark demeanor it would rub off on her. Rarity feels as though there is no real reason for her character. All of a sudden in this universe she's the worst dress maker in Ponyville, and acts like a school girl with feeling for Pinkie (At least I can assume) which doesn't seem like her. She has poor self esteem and instead of being the sophisticated aristocrat that she is in the series, she's a poverty stricken, talentless plot device. I kind of feel that perhaps a bit more explanation to her would make her more believable.

3. You're not really REQUIRED to keep the songs to the original tune. This is your own interpretation, so you can go any route you want without keeping 100% to the original, which I discourage anyways. Never just cut and paste the source with the cross over. Though I can get past the songs.

4. I feel that (as it stands now) Pinkie's main "love" (which was Sweeny's wife, who is replaced by Ditzy, who is just her "friend") being replaced by a "friend" makes her story so much less powerful because we don't feel as much towards her. I actually kind of find Pinkie irritating and over the top with annoying gestures, which is saying something because her comedy style in the show is lovable and one of my favorites. I just feel her humor is... So... Trying to hard?

5. I don't know what Cupcakes you read, but there was no blending of a light-hearted story in Cupcakes. Cupcakes was a senseless gorefest for the readers enjoyment. It may fit into the black comedy genre in some aspects, but there is nothing to take away from that story except that the author wanted the reader to feel shocked. It hardly even accomplishes that really... You may be able to brand it as satire, but that would be a STRETCH. It would be more plausible to say that the author wrote it to troll the fanbase than anything else. I feel that this story is an unnatural jump between serious and not serious. It leaves the reader feeling a bit confused, and not really in an ideal way. I think if you want to go the comedic route you should just got black humor, but when you dance between both it just makes every joke seem that much more forced and unnatural.

I mean I have much more to say, but I feel that it would be better for us to discuss this further directly rather than comment relay. So I may contact you.

All and all, the premise, the concept, and the prologue is great, but the execution could use some work. I think it would be educational on both of our parts to discuss it more directly though.