Demon Hunter

by The Dude

Chapter 6

"Wake up Icy!"

I awoke to see the pony known as Pinkie Pie standing on my bed shaking me back and forth. I immediately jerked back and pushed myself against the wall. I looked around and saw Pinkie wasn't the only pony in my room. Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy were all standing around my room.

"Wha..whats going on? Why are all of you in my house?!"

I looked over at Twilight looking for an explanation."Well we were gonna just knock on the door but then..."

"I just came through the window!" Interrupted Pinkie Pie.

I looked at her confused, "But all my windows are closed."

"I know!"

I should have already realized I wasn't going to get a lot of sense from Pinkie Pie so I just decided to find out what was going on.

"Alright fine. Did you just get here?"

"Actually we've been here for ten minutes."

"What do you mean you've been here for ten minutes?" I said. I was now getting a little bit annoyed at the situation.

Twilight suddenly became very interested in my walls while talking to me,"Well once we got in your house Rainbow Dash and Rarity started snooping your house for "Demony Stuff"."

"Oh and by the way" Rainbow Dash said looking at me,"leaving your Playpony's on your living room table, very classy."

"Yeah. Besides you can't even read them, all the pages are stuck together." Said Pinkie Pie.

Oh celestia kill me now. I started scratching my back trying to look away, I could already feel a blush come on my face in reaction to Pinkie's comment. I could see my reaction quickly spread to Twilight and Fluttershy. I quickly remembered the fact that six ponies had just broken into my house.

"Wait why are you guys here anyway?" I asked.

"Well we were just gonna ask you if you wanted to go to lunch with us." Said Twilight

I quickly looked at the clock on my dresser to discover it was 12:00 already.

"Sounds pretty good I guess." I said back to Twilight, "But can I at least take a shower or will you break in their too?"

"Well snarky comments aside that's great." Twilight retorted."Meet me at my house as soon as you can."

"Alright." I said as I saw all of my intruders headed for the door.

"See ya!" Yelled Pinkie Pie.

I looked at her and just gave a quick wave until they had all left. Finally I could go into the mysterious, yet beautiful, place known as my shower. I trotted into my bathroom and gave a quick examination of myself in the mirror. Pretty much the usual except I seemed a little bit more awake due to pony's breaking into my house and asking me out to lunch. But it didn't matter. I turned to my shower and turned on the water and waited until it was just right and then I stepped in.

I didn't step into a shower. I stepped into a world of golden perfection. A world where the grass is made out of cotton candy and cotton candy is made out of better cotton candy. A world where disease, instead of killing ponys, gives chocolate to crippled orphans. A world where I can sit under a tree on a hot summers day with a beautiful mare playing a lute.

Did I mention I like showers?

Anyway once I was done I got out and dried off. I knew I was going outside so I combed my mane and made myself even more gorgeous then usual ( didn't know it was possible). After getting myself ready I finally went down to my living room and opened the door getting ready to head to Twilight's. I didn't think I would need my red coat so I decided to leave today. The sunlight greeted me as politely as a nice hoof to the face. It penetrated my eyes until it was blinding and painful. I quickly held my hoof blocking light from hurting my eyes even more.

Finally after a few seconds my eyes and the sun made a treaty and I was able to comfortably see. Then I closed my door and began to head to Twilight's.

---

Things went as you would expect. I went to Twilight's then her friends and I went to lunch. We went to some little place in ponyville, it was kinda like a fast food place without cardiac arrest. It was a nice little place. It had an inside and an outside patio where we all chose to sit.

Twilight and her friends ordered daffodil and daisy sandwiches while I ordered a nice ham sandwich which apparently made them all a little uncomfortable (especially Fluttershy) since they were all vegetarians.

I want to make something perfectly clear, I am not trying to be an asshole. I actually was trying to be nice and trying to get into conversation with them. But one thing I have learned is that you have to wait for your opportunity to strike, and right now there were none. Right now Applejack was talking about working with her brother named Big Mac, which upon hearing Fluttershy gave a slight smile.

Right now I was sipping some raspberry tea that I ordered with my sandwich. Usually when I am alone for a long period of time my mind usually starts asking weird questions that anypony would consider mind-blowingly stupid.

In a different dimension am I a beautiful mare while Twilight is a bad ass demon hunter dragging me along while just observe.

Will equestria become ruled by giant robot octopus's?

Do nipples feel love?

Even though my mind was rifling through the chest of retarded ideas to keep me entertained I was still able to try to concentrate on listening to Twilight and her friends conversation. Mostly.

"So Iceheart" Asked Applejack turning to me,"whats goin on in yer life?"

I was a bit surprised at the immediate turn of attention to me. And the question asked of me was pretty hard to answer, because I don't think clopping every couple of hours is an appropriate response.

"Uh you know. Just hanging out." I said.

Her face turned to confusion,"Its just that I never see you in town, or with friends or anything like that."

"Well I just kinda keep to myself I guess."

My response was a very weak way of saying "I don't have a lot of friends". I do have friends but I only see them every once in a while. And I don't usually go out in town unless I need food or im heading to a bar trying to get laid.

"Well do you even have a mare friend?" Applejack asked.

This question was inevitable but it still caught me off guard. When I was a writer I wasn't really secure about my image or my personality. Even now as I am able to triple frontflip over a demon and slice his nipples off, I never really had time to look for some pony to be in a relationship.

I basically shrugged,"Not really. I don't really have time to look for one."

"Well for you it wouldn't seem that hard." She said giving me a nice smile. I was able to give a slight grin in response to her comment which was obviously a nice comment to break the ice.

"Well if you want I know plenty of mares who would really need a good stallion." Said Rarity, moving her head in Twilight's direction. The thought of a relation ship between me and Twilight quickly flew through my brain like a pegasus on speed. Me and Twilight were two completely different ponies and I doubt that would function well in a relationship.

"Im not really looking for a relationship right now Rarity. Im way to busy and I don't think theres a pony who wants a relationship with somepony who could die every time they go to work."

"Its just kinda odd, none of us ever see you outside of when we're with Twilight and she needs you. And it's also weird to see a stallion not try to even entertain the idea of a relationship when others would talk for hours of how much they want one." Said Rarity.

"I don't know. Right now i'm just not looking for one at the moment." I said. I immediately began sipping my raspberry tea before setting it back town on the table and being greeted by the confused looks of my table mates.

"What?"

---

I slowly opened my door to my house. It was now around 3:30. After the awkward conversation about my sex life the lunch continued with all eyes on me. Pinkie then eventually started a conversation that averted the attention from me. But while they were talking I kept thinking about what I said. I thought about how long it has been since i've been in a relationship. Then I realized how long it's been since i've even been with a mare. About a year at the least.

I walked in and immediately came crashing down upon my couch. All I wanted to do was just relax right now. It was a couple of days until this gathering thing so unless I got called, I was able to relax for a while.

The thought still bugged me, but now it became more of a pesky annoyance then a sad realization. I had put it at the back in my head where I put the pretty worthless thoughts, but it was impatient often rushing towards where my most important fantasies and things were. I kept pushing it back but then I realized that it would not give up on trying to make me feel bad for not socializing enough.

With the 5 months of training and the month and a half of just getting readjusted I didn't really have time to have the the thought of going and doing stuff like I was afraid to do before I learned how to smash limbs with my bare hoofs. Most of the time I had spent living here was helping the pages of my playpony's stick together.

I had the stunning realization that I probably wouldn't be able to socialize from the leather seats of my couch, so I decided that I had to go somewhere or just do something today. I have to decide what i'm gonna do though, I doubt I would have fun going to a fucking book club or some shit.

After a lot of deep thought of what I wanted to do, I finally came to a great conclusion. Tonight, I am going to get fucked up.

---

I was in the bar where I first met Twilight and her friends and I emasculated that Brawny guy. I sat on a bar stool drinking a bottle of some decent raspberry vodka. I was casually sipping it from a glass that seemed more appropriate for whiskey than vodka.

I left my coat at my house because I was afraid that I would get drunk and randomly pull out my guns and give the bar a new paint job.

I hadn't realized how depressing it was drinking all by myself. As I was drinking, I looked around seeing ponies that were having a good times with their friends. I even made a game trying to figure out who was going to sleep with who because of alcohol and bad judgement.

I was a little tipsy but not as drunk as I wanted to be tonight. Again without or ponies to get drunk with the whole situation ended up as a little bit depressing rather than crazy fun.

I was casually sipping my drink when I noticed that a mare immediately walked over and was now occupying the empty seat next to me.

"One apple tini please." She asked the bartender who standing behind the counter. He nodded and began making the drink that she ordered.

Suddenly she spun her seat in my direction until she was facing my direction. I was finally able to get a good look at her. She was a white unicorn with a straight red mane and bright yellow eyes. Her cutie mark was of a sun flower with a big huge grin.

"Hello handsome." She said.

"Ummmmm" I had no response, she had completely caught me off guard,"Hello."

She gave a slight giggle at my awkward response. Then the bartender had finished making her drink, he then set it down on on the table. She casually grabbed it and pulled it towards her and she sipped some of it and then set it back down on the counter.

"Whats a stallion like you being alone in a place like this" She said

I had to give a slight grin,"Isn't that my line?"

"Well I guess thats true." She took another sip of her drink using her horn instead of her hoof this time and again set it on the counter. "But I am wondering why you're here all by yourself."

"I don't know. Just came here to get a drunk, not hang with friends." I said.

"Well I think you just made a brand new one." She said with a wide grin and then she gave me a seductive wink.

"Seems weird talking to somepony about my personal life when I don't even know their name."

She gave me a slight smile and responded,"Sicarius. And yours?"

"Iceheart."

Most of the night consisted of me talking to this unexpected new friend. She kept talking about how handsome and even began buying me drinks. A lot. My original intention of getting fucked up had been complete and now I was talking to with a big drunk grin, stumbling over my words like I usually do when i'm drunk.

Right now I was very drunkenly having a conversation with Sicarius. We had been talking for what seemed like hours and at the moment it seemed like she was in my clutches. She definitely had a couple of drinks so hopefully she would make the beautiful mistake of coming back to my house.

"Another drink?" She asked me.

She had been feeding me liquor like it was my blood. Right now I was completely smashed and with that the horrible thought came into my mind that I probably could not get it up for when she came to my place.

"Nahhh, I think i've had enough drinks."

Suddenly she started staring at me with her bright beautiful eyes and asked me something I have waited all night to hear,"Listen I am very tired and my house is a very long walk from here, could I perhaps stay at your place tonight."

Fucking. Jackpot.

I could not have answered her question any faster,"Yeah yeah. That sounds fine."

We proceeded to walk out of the bar and into Ponyville. My house wasn't that far so the walk was rather quick. Then we came to my house and I drunkenly spent trying to fit the key, that I keep under my welcome mat, into it's keyhole. After that I opened and we stepped inside and then I shut the door.

Suddenly Sicarius then pushed me against the against the wall and then began to kiss me passionately. I was completely taken by surprise so I wasn't able to react, she was pretty much controlling this sudden make out. Finally after a minute she pulled away from me and began to speak.

"Lets go to your bed room."

I gave a quick nod and we began heading upstairs until we finally got to my bedroom. We walked in to my bed room and I walked towards my bed when I was shoved unto my bed by my new house guest.

I rolled over until I was lying on my back on my bed while Sicarius was still standing on the floor.

"Im ready. Come on in sexy." I said.

"I'd rather not." She coldly responded, her face now lacking any of the previous emotions that she had displayed with me against the wall.

I was confused,"Why not?"

Suddenly her face turned from emotionless to a wide evil grin,"Because you're going to die."

I have no idea where she was keeping that knife but she pulled out a large dagger and then came and brought the knife down towards me. Luckily I saw her trying to stab me and I rolled off the bed just in time for her to miss me, but she was able to stab the belly my pillow. And for that she wasn't leaving here without a broken hoof or two.

As soon as I touched the floor I quickly ran to the far side of my room and quickly turned to see her standing near my bed angrily looking at me.

She was standing on her two hind hooves right now. I knew that she wasn't just being weird, she was in a mysterious "Human" style. But actually I was sort of trained in this style by my trainer, not much but enough to keep myself alive so I quickly changed my stance.

"What the fuck is your problem?!! What kind kinky shit are into lady!!" I yelled.

In response she gave me a coy smile,"Ah yes, your plans of me having sex with you. Unfortunately the only thing that's gonna get in tonight is my blade. In your face."

My confusion started to get the best of me, I started to breath heavily,"What the fuck is going on!!??"

"Oh, sorry about that, let me fill you in. Apparently your a demon hunter and you have been causing some major disturbances lately. Like killing a hundred vampires at a night club."

"But that was a week ago." I objected.

"Vampires need their night clubs Mr. Iceheart. So in short, a couple vampires hired me to come and kill you."

"So you're an assassin?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Thats an odd cutie mark for a paid killer. Unless that flower is prone to violent outbursts."

She gave me a smirk,"Oh that? Thats just a cover up."

After she said that she then preceded to rip off her cutie mark which was revealed to be just a sticker. Her real cutie mark was one pony chopping the head off the another pony. Seemed so subtle.

After that shocking reveal she started speaking again,

"But but..... are we still gonna have sex?"

"No we weren't. At least you can think about your frustated libido in the afterlife."

She ran at me brandishing the large blade, once she got close she tried slashing my stomach but missed because I was able to jump back.

Then I noticed the huge disadvantage that was hanging over my shoulders, I was drunk. Very drunk. She is a good assassin i'll give her that. Weakening her prey before she comes in for the kill. Luckily I was the type of drunk that was stumbling around, I was the kind of pony who would laugh and break things because he just didn't care. But I was still drunk, my reflexes were slowed down and I would be a lot less formidable then I would be sober.

I kept trying to slice me but I kept dodging her, but then my back hit a wall. She took the opportunity to try to stab me in the throat. I ducked and moved under her hoof until I was behind her, then I took my chance and punched her in the head slamming it against the wall.

She blindly slammed her hoof towards me which ended up hitting me in the skull. I flew back to due my drunken balance where I landed on my back hitting the floor.

She turned around and faced me. Me slamming her heads against my wall caused her nose to flow like a 13 year old filly during puberty.

I was almost on my hooves before she ran up and and kicked me square in the jaw. I fell down again, hitting my head against the floor. This made me dizzy and didn't really coincide with the liquor I had drunk recently. I was still able to see my little assassin walking towards me,ready to end me.

Once she was close enough I sweeped her hooves and sent her crashing to the floor. I was able to get up and get a bit of distance before Sicarius was able to stand up again. Now she was getting angry, she let out a loud scream and came running at me.

She got close trying to stab me underhand in the stomach. What a horrible idea. I quickly placed my right hoof above her elbow and my left one below and with a quick twist I sent the knife straight in her stomach.

I held her for a few seconds while the thought of a knife in he belly reached her brain. Then I dropped her on the floor.

Her skin quickly became pale and her eyes became wide. It looked like she was trying to speak, but with the amount of pain she was feeling she could not pronounce words.

She was dying. Not dead, dying. She now realized that these were her last moments of her life and you could see her think about how she got here. It was pretty hard to watch. I didn't want to watch her like this. I quickly ran downstairs and grabbed my gun and quickly ran upstairs, to see Sicarius trying to grasp on to life as long as she could. I quickly aimed my gun at her head and pulled the trigger.

I lay in a puddle of her own blood. Her mouth wide open and her eyes now looked dark yellow.You could almost see the life leave her body. She was dead.

My stomach then decided the best way to honor her body was to violently vomit all over her corpse, and my brain decided now was the time to pass out.

---

Dead body and vomit. Those are the two smells I woke up too this morning. I love my job.

---

Comments

[Primordial Deomontus]

that last line was epic

[Xaratos]

I love my job