Spike is a monster hunter and one of the highest in the group he is a part of. However, his group is the only group in the world only dedicated to kill evil monsters. One day his mom gives him permission to go to bloodville.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not trying to be mean here, but if the story is written as poorly as the the description, I don't think I'll be able to read this
3893113 I am not the best righter. So that why i need an editor.
Ill read because the description confuses me.
Ill like for the hell of it.
Will read when have time.
3893240 Is the description less confusing?
Got to say this is going to be a interesting story. Can't wait to see how badass Spike is. I want to see how Dash is going to be lol. I hope the first time they meet they end up fighting. Anyway keep up the good work, can't wait to see your update.
3893529 want to be my co-auther?
I'm curious to see where this goes.
Please tell me you purposely made those grammatical errors in your story summary...
3893923 I am not a good speller. If you want to help me become my editor
3893966
I don't mind. I'll start off with you summary:
Spike is a monster hunter and one of the highest in the group he is a part of. However, his group is the only group in the world only dedicated to kill evil monsters. One day his mom gives him permission to go to bloodville. While he is there, he meets all sorts of monsters and soon comes across a non monster, Rainbow Dash, and she finds this dragon to be a perfect soul mate.
3893355 Misspelled but gives me a better picture.
3893212
Ok, now THAT'S a better description
But, it's still missing punctuation and seperation here and there
And, what's a "grope"?
3894398 you have to be kidding me! A grope is where two or more people work together to do stuff.
3894473
"Grope," or, the act of "groping" is according to the dictionary:
1. To search for something uncertainly with your hands.
2. To fondle someone for sexual pleasure (usually without their permission).
I think the word you are thinking of is "group," which means exactly what you described.
3895005 I am a bad speller and telling the diffrance from two simmalur words
3894002 I'll shot you PMs of chapters of my story when they are done
3897387
Sounds good. I'll keep them edited... I'll look over the first chapter as well.
3893966 I read it.
The fact that this is a spikedash story earns my attention, the plot earns my attention, iron will arouses my hate none, and bloodville is just weird.
10/10
3903772 once I post more chapters you will get the name Bloodvill.
3930617 What where you trying to say?
Sorry it took me so long to get to this.
The first thing that jumps out at me is the way the characters interact with one another under the circumstances. You have the characters, specifically Spike, raised and train in a sort of warrior-monk priesthood type thing, but you have the characters speak to each other as if they were all in a high school. It completely throws me off and breaks my sense of immersion and engagement. For example, the way Spike and Iron Will first speak to each other.
I was expecting something like:
That was what I was expecting. The way you have constructed this conversation feels completely disjointed with the warrior-monk brotherhood image you have constructed in my mind.
The way you have constructed the monster hunting organization makes me think of an Adeptus Astartes Chapter, much like the Deathwatch in fact. But the way the characters think and act completely throws this out a twenty story window and into the street. For me to fully enjoy this story you will have to change one of two things. You will either have to change the dialogue and the way the characters think so that it aligns with the whole "Warrior Priesthood" thing I've been going on about. Or you will have to change the way the monster hunting organization is constructed and presented to the reader so the dialogue and the character actions don't feel out of place. This of course would mean you would have to completely rewrite the fanfiction, but until then this story is simply going to rub me the wrong way. I'll try to give constructive criticism as I go but what I have mentioned here is my main concern for the story.