Spike is a monster hunter and one of the highest in the group he is a part of. However, his group is the only group in the world only dedicated to kill evil monsters. One day his mom gives him permission to go to bloodville.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ok, I think you're pretty good, but I would call you "Nega Shyamalan". You do, but don't tell much. My main point being Mary. For most of the story I haven't got the slightest idea of her personality or what she even looks like (or I've just missed it either way). All I know is that she has an unhealthy obession with Spike. Also I felt like some bystander reading that scene. All I could think of was "the fuck just happened?". I was confused through the whole part. I kept asking questions like "wait, how does Dash know Mary since she also had a sly smile? I mean, the have never met right?" "How does Spike know that Mary likes him, and why does he think that way about her" "Why are there no explenations to these things that matter to the plot?". As my final statement I would like to ask, why did you name the father of SOMBRA... Mike. I mean seriously, the most potential antagonist of this story is called Mike. That would be the same as naming The god emperor of man Bob (warhammer 40,000/Slice and dice video series reference). Otherwise you have done pretty good job.
5173880 Mary has ben trying to win Spike's heart for years. Why are you compiling about a name?
You should have some people as kaijues from the movie pacific rim
5173935 I re-read the story incase I missed something proves that Spike knew and now noticed the line from chapter-8.
And the name Mike doesn't really bother me that much. It's just that the father of the master of dark magic who enslaved the citizens of his own empire and required two beings that are basically demigods, to defeat him (and has one of the coolest villain names in my opinion), is given a name that is so common, non-threathning and simple that it sounds strange for a villain to have it as his name. (Also I want to take that Nega Shyamalan back that was going from critisism to just being rude)
5178096 neather Sombra or his father never study dark magic. In fact shoadowmance can't cast magic. Sombra's father became king when his father died. But Sombra became after an event. (if you know how to put the black box I see people put up can you tell me.)
5178119 Sorry, but I don't know either and thankyou for explanations once again.
5190942 Worror- priesthood? What is that? I never even heard of that.
5191436 First if you watch the show you will see some modern stuff and some medieval stuff. Second wait before complaining ok? Saying 'Spike doesn't get any punishment' doesn't mean he won't get punishment. Third if you are complaining about the grammar this much do you wan't to be the second the second editor?
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God damn it, for some reason Fimfiction didn't notify me that you had responded to my comments. Sorry for the wait. To answer your first question, a warrior priesthood is a term used to describe monk like groups who train their members in combat. They're pretty common place throughout history and fantasy settings. Second point; MLP Friendship is Magic is a cartoon and as such is susceptible to no real world expectations or to the laws of physics. What the means is that as long as the animators can draw/animate it, they and the writers can pull out anything from whatever time period they want. The thing is that all technological advancements are linked in some way, meaning that if you have one thing they most probably have another. The thing is though that they can do that in the show because it is a cartoon, and as I previously mentioned that means the creators can do whatever the hell they want. Wonna have Big Mac drag a two story house all on his own but then in another episode have him struggle to lift a cake for comedic effect? No problem, as long as its funny you can do whatever you want within a cartoon. On the third point; I could try and be an editor but I can't promise any consistency. I am currently in the process of rewriting my own fanfiction (now I'm just doing one) and I am currently looking for an editor myself. But if you truly think I could help, sure. Why not?
5294895 Sorry but I got someone to do some of the edits (it was during the time you didn't respond). But if you do have any monster idea send me a PM. And if you are wondering why you didn't see me responding to your message you have two weeks to respond or it won't show.
I hope all the edits were fine. Tell me how they are.